FMM 205 - The Bigger the Breakdown... Part II

[@ChazHealth]

It’s been years since I heard your voice on the podcast, so serendipitous that I tuned in in recent weeks. I’ve always considered your goldstar underrated trait-and you have so many you bring to the world, Keith-is the authenticity you bring to everything you do, past, present, future. Even deep in the darkest places that brilliant mind can go, your authentic self lights the way for everything good and right about who you are to inform how you climb the ladder out and bring your guidance & help to not one, but thousands of creative humans across the globe over the years. Like it or not, we all instinctively prepare for a court of law that is our daily life, the curves it throws at us. We prep for the questions that will be asked as best we can by thinking about how we might approach the answers to message how we feel to other humans. You are amazing how you navigate that dynamic to find every bit of good & positivity to be found. In the face of that, the prosecution is lit up for what it is: not logical, not fact driven, an emotional construct that you can strip the power from. You’re a treasure, a gift to the world with who you are, not just everything you’ve done for others. Thanks, buddy - be well, I’ll be listening for part 3, and wishing all the best to you and Ana and the FMM team. Chaz

[@FinishMoreMusic]

Chaz! Soooo good to hear from you buddy :-) And wow, what a beautiful, articulate, kind and supportive message. Thank you for taking the time to write this. I hope you are well and loving life. I really appreciate you. Much love!

[@nsjx]

This what you are doing is probably a greater service to people than you may imagine. Remember when I was in FMM? Remember I hinted to you the shit I was going through having moved out of the country?... I sympathize deeply with All youxard sayingchere because This was me in THOSE days. Remember the strange music Ixwould present which was more like freeflow stuff and nothing like what others were postibg? I was literalky gasping for air just getting each of these done. Joinibg your new great invention was an effort to keep Air in My lungs after losing everything during Quantize (incl a hdd). In the early FMM days everythibg was so personal and healing. I got energy watching and and experiencibg others' syccess like Paul and Rob and the gang at the time. I KNEW success wasn't mine because of my situation at the time but your Lessons somehow sustained me(us) and kept issuing hope to break out. It was your careful teaching and my own failures to produce semi-expected results that caused those multiple drop-offs back then. I mean I was still onboard but on the sidelines. Eventually things became bad enough and the guilt of notbeibg able to do what I Thought loved (Most) and take part in tge rolling successes peers would experience weekly in reports and monthly fback tracks. I had my good runs but just Like You those were anomolies. Then maybe a couple years after leaving that fantastic talented group I finally Realized the A1 problem. I Truly never wanted in my heart of hearts to make eps or albums or even tracks on most days. I got immense joy from simply meditating with sound design and programming and enteribg in and out of streams of being in-the-zone and making music for Myself and my own sanity. I have Always loved music tech and the art of design as a hobby. I have your continued instruction the thank for Helping me ro Realize that what others desired, I possessed no desire for at all. I get A lot More pleasure Listening to and Supporting others' music than comibg back day after day to make my own creation to share. And hey,..it may still happen when the Time is Right (I "allow" for this). I don't kill myself anymore over it to the point where I feel defeated. But man,...I feel you (i hate saying that cliche thing)... but my man what you describe... this debilitating downward spiral... the pitch black nothingness. I finally realized what this Meant when I hit tge bottom a year orzso after i unsubbed. it was the age old Pheonix plunging into the ground NECCESSARILY!!! so that i could rise in splendour afterward (new insight). For me, one aspect of that was getting my Guilt for not "making music regularly" off my back. It was literally the anchor on my mind. I feel much much better these days. My brain always tricked me into feeling guilty about knowibg so much about sound design but not Making sculptures from it. it was the wrong Perspective, for years. Keith, i think actually man don't take this wrong,, but this is probably a Gift from the Universe (a Universe that is beyond you and me with its 'logic' and ways). I truly believe Everything is connected in that thing happen for (perhaps) Unknown and complex reasons. I sometimes ask myself if i would go back and i think hard and carefully what knowledge i would lose going back in time and finally i just keep answering no. we need to keep moving not for ourselves but for every thing. You are a HEALTHY STRONG and Well-liked dude for GOOD REASON... not just bullshit.. You know me. I dontvblow smoke. You go where you and Anna want to go and no one can fault you for it... not even your shitty dark prosecutor. You've risen from the neccessary scolding hot ash I guess the Universe wants us to experience... And yeah, it could happen again, but only because it knows we will Persevere. Take care and thanks for being real. ITS NOT a fin' Lie. It's a FUCKIN FACT. Hellos and huge hug to Anna too for being as solid a Rock as you are. It was so awesome you were doing all that together! All the best to both... there's a beautiful Horizon for folks like you guys

[@FinishMoreMusic]

Thanks for taking the time to share your story. I 100% agree. You do you. More on this in Part 3 :-) I'm really happy that you have found your path and came back so much stronger. You have a huge heart my friend. Much love!

[@xmazzix]

I found a lot of this very relatable. I just want you to know Keith that you did help me out of it, with your work and with your words....more than once... And it was around the same timeframe that you were going through this. I was in a rut, working a crappy mundane repetitive task job in a warehouse and in a low place... But I was able to listen to these podcasts while I worked and they lifted me....gave me enthusiasm... Direction.... A bit of hope. You got me back in the studio chair and making music every day... But it was more than just that. You got me back in touch with myself and showing up for myself, improving, disciplined...I had a purpose. Maybe the purpose of an artist is humble but it was enough for me and I was committed. When I would fall off it would be similar to what you described... Avoidance, procrastination, no motivation... Then the imposter syndrome... "Who am I to be trying to be something with music? I'm wasting my life. I'm a failure...." Down into the voice in my head generally considering me to be a POS loser and telling me on a regular. A few times when that happened, you took a few minutes on live streams or in the community to talk to me directly and help me back on to my horse. It was always an uncomfortable, forced, grind for weeks to get back on form each time but showing up in integrity to myself quieted that inner bully and as I built the habit again I'd fall back into it. Sometimes you feel like life is pointless.... That's because it is. We're hairless monkeys on a magnetic rock flying through a dark abyss with no idea how we got here... It's up to us to give life meaning. I just wanted you to know that on those days when the only thing keeping you pushing on was the possibility of preventing someone else from feeling how you did, that you were helping me out of a dark place and I've grown as a person because of it. Thank you! -Matt The Grenade

[@FinishMoreMusic]

Mazzi, This means the world to me. It really does. I wonder, if on reflection, you remember how many of our members you helped back then also. When you were struggling you were consistently contributing. Contributing to help people with their music, their mindset and to help my team and I during our enrolments. Thanks so much for sharing.

[@xmazzix]

@@FinishMoreMusic Knowledge, mindset and community right? 😄 I loved every moment of working, playing and sharing with such an amazing tribe. Your members are still some of the most heartwarming and inspiring people I've been fortunate enough to know on my journey 😊

[@josipvulic5471]

This message goes to 11!