Managing Your Anger - Amber Lia & Wendy Speake

Based on their book Triggers, Amber Lia and Wendy Speake discuss common external and internal triggers that can make mothers angry. They share their journeys overcoming their own triggers, like when their children disobey and complain, and when they have to deal with exhaustion. Our guests offer encouragement to moms and explain how they can prepare to handle their triggers in a healthier way.
Get the book, Triggers: bit.ly/3zF9N9a
---
Check out Focus on the Family on social media!
Facebook: / focusonthefamily
Twitter: / focusfamily
Instagram: / focusonthefamily
Pinterest: / focusonthefamily
---
#FocusontheFamilywithJimDaly #WendySpeake #AmberLia #Triggers #MomsandAnger #UnderstandingYourTriggers #Parenting #Motherhood #FocusontheFamily

[@ninam.3803]

Thanks God,FOF and ladies.This is truly an answer to a heart felt prayer.I need this to help my daughter with my granddaughter and I’ve learned so much.I’m sharing on all my SM and with family and friends.Father Renew a right spirit in our emotions to reflect your image of kindness,gentleness,grace, mercy,and self control emotions to every child Amen:Blessings to u and yours💜🙏🏾

[@focusonthefamily]

Thank you for sharing, @ninam.3803! We're so glad you have found our videos helpful. God bless you! -Luna H.

[@TheRealAmberLia]

Amen! Praying for you!

[@bupekabamba6017]

I have listened to this twice in one sitting already and will put it on repeat until everything is internalised

[@Damonica.Is.Crafting-ux1mx]

I plan to do the same

[@mikaeladonegan2430]

I put myself in timeout. I say 'Mommy is getting mad and needs to go in timeout !' then I lock myself away and get calm

[@faith_myopinion6888]

Thank you for this video. I worry everyday that I'm not doing a good job with my 4 year old son. The way I yell at my baby😢 but the way he's so forgiving 😭😭😭😭😭😭 Lord help me to be calm when I'm disciplining him🙏🙏😭

[@ColieOhhh]

Stick with it. Mine is 8. I wish I was stricter when he was 2, 3, and 4. So the discipline he getting today would be less jarring to us both. May the Lord guide you, and bless your relationship!

[@faith_myopinion6888]

@@ColieOhhh Thank you so much! I pray your relationship is blessed too🙏 and the Lord guides you through this. Parenting is tough and we do the best we can so keep it up🤗

[@cozetteoconnor1289]

I want to add that i had to cut out coffee - COMPLETELY. The caffeine raised my cortisol and I would lose my temper so much faster. Moms if you are struggling, consider quitting caffeine. Read the book 'caffeine blues'.

[@mollyrecchia6445]

Never thought about this connection.....I'm so tired without my coffee😔

[@iriskoomi2857]

I actually found this to be an issue with me too!

[@HBudianu]

I actually find that one cup helps me get the energy I need to get through busy mornings with a smile on my face. It's a blessing when there's an unexpectedly long day too. But two or three on a daily basis would disrupt our natural need to calm down...I suppose limits are different for different people.

[@BiancaAnne]

Same!

[@FaithNotSightLight]

Magnesium calm power helps me too!

[@belenharris8174]

Our brains are hardwired for community - one thing we don't have anymore. I don't mean digital or long distance community (which is lovely!), I mean what our distant ancestors had, where they played together, parented together, ate together, etc. Not 24/7, but daily, or nearly daily, *being* together. Parents now (in our culture) are so consistently disregulated and isolated. Parents in other cultures still have struggles, but without the high levels of disregulation and isolation.

[@mrsbethanyelise]

Just had my third baby last week, such a timely message 🙏

[@Tascountrygirl]

Thank you. I loved this discussion. I especially melted when one of the visiting speakers told of how the Lord told her 'I want you to hold your child while I am holding you.' 🙏♥️

[@smoothsailingmp]

So needed this years ago, But I'm 80 now....my daughter would be 60 years old the 27th of this month, but has been in heaven now almost 14 years......Our son who also is in heaven would've been 53 now...we do have another son out of state...he and his bride gave us two grandchildren who are both in college now and we see all four of them every 3 years. .The other grandchildren are grown and now we have 3 great grandchildren...(One almost 14 and in New Mexico....we are in California. ..the other two maybe twice a month at church...thanking God for approximately 30 minutes at pancake breakfast provided by our church after ea. Church service ...Nice, and can apply these principles now with them....PLEASE MOMS AND DADS AND ALL THE REST....Hoping and praying for your use of these wonderful principles....What we did was prayed alot, alot...mand at other times reacted with frustration, sobs and tears...and other times in love❤. God knows❤ Both that are in heaven very rebellious natures 😮😊God knows, He knows....one collapsed just about in his dad's arms sobbing and asking his dad's forgiveness about one month before he was on hospice in our home❤❤❤ that was a miracle...a real miracle. He said he wished he had listened to his dad on many levels....

[@francineuwamahoro8869]

Beautiful story 🤩

[@Tascountrygirl]

I am a senior woman in Australia and I have found you again in my YT feed. Watching this episode, I learned so much. It has taken a long time to realise why my father had quite a bit of difficulty with his emotions. I had counselling and did research into his and his dad's life. His father was a lovely man but signed up for WW1 just after dad was born and was sent to France. His mum had untreatable epilepsy so dad was brought up by his grandmother who was lovely. I'll keep it this length. Much more and I have grieved for dad and forgiven any of his mistakes.

[@JKnSK]

I love so much what you shared about a single mom not having to "do it all" like everyone else, thank you. I am not a single mom but I am a sick mom who has severe health issues. The last 4 years of my life changed drastically and completely changed my kids lives. It had been so hard for me to deal with the anger and shame of what I cant do now, and hoping they dont resent me for it even though I can't help it. But these were comforting words, thank you. I can't drive them to school or take them places but I'm always here when they get home to talk about their adventures. And we are financially limited because of the medical expenses so no vacations, but we eat meals together and watch shows and enjoy sports together. Life is not at all what I wanted it to be and the type of mom I wanted to be and got to be for 9 years of their life changed...but God can fill in those missing things. 💔 ugh life is painful.

[@Tanniab09]

❤❤❤

[@munachiso937]

Today's talk was such a gift to me! And to have remembered single parents, God bless you, Jim Daly, and Focus on the Family.. Your podcasts and more are becoming my go-to resource for biblical parenting.

[@focusonthefamily]

Thank you for your kind words @munachiso937! We're glad you're enjoying the broadcast! -Luna H.

[@amsells]

“They need you and they need you” that spoke to me, my daughter needs to see the God-given uniqueness as a mom. 💕

[@ydntk8949]

Wow - this is so timely. Thank you team and the Holy Spirit for this perfect message. 🙏🏾❤️

[@bjemaja]

I love the question that Jim ask at 10:36 and the answers that followed.

[@Sistas-N-PrayerNation]

Yes, I love The Lord and my daughter.... But she makes me crazy 😵‍💫

[@CookingwithGrace-bh7mt]

Same here 😅

[@nonophat]

🙈same

[@wesleygibbard8766]

Yeah

[@wangukabugi3246]

Know it too well

[@wathmifernando8696]

Same

[@MomentswithTiffany]

Listen… God knows our struggles 😩. This video has encouraged me and helped me soooooo much! God knows i NEEDED this. Literally every word spoken was meaningful. Thank you ladies because this is REAL LIFE for parents. I love this!!

[@focusonthefamily]

We're glad you found the broadcast helpful @@MomentswithTiffany! God bless you! -Luna H.

[@JustReadTheBible]

I LOVE when they’re on the show! The very last bit of advice (you cannot do it all) was what I desperately needed to be reminded of today. Praise God for your ministry!

[@focusonthefamily]

Thank you for your kind words, @justreadthebible! God bless you! -Luna H.

[@rebekahwilson7703]

This is really helpful (even with, maybe especially with an 18 year old). And the Truth that I can grow/change at any age. Thank you!!♥️

[@janetjenkins7916]

My grown children treat me with so much disrespect. They have cut me out of their lives and have taken my grandchildren away from me. My prayer is that my family will be reunited in His miraculous way! Please pray for my family

[@focusonthefamily]

We're sorry to hear that, Janet. It’s evident that you deeply love your children. Please know that we'll be praying for you and your family, asking the Lord to bring healing and reconciliation to your relationships. He is able to bring peace and unity, even when times get tough. Also, we have counselors here who can listen and pray with you. Here’s the contact info: bit.ly/2ItKdoE. May God's comfort and peace be very real to you.

[@missamanda_]

Maybe it’s for a reason. . .? Is knowing the reason why they’re ignoring you really going to make you happier?

[@arp5843]

If former toxic patterns of the mother are paired with an unrepentent heart maybe kids go no contact

[@katherinewong2987]

Amazing Godly insights on how to lead our children. Praise the Lord!

[@Dana-mb1hd]

I love these ladies I’ve watched their videos a lot and bought their book because they have been incredibly helpful 🩷I thought I was a terrible mom until I listened to these ladies- thank you for having them on the show!

[@amberdedeaux7954]

God showed me this video at the perfect time. I've been struggling with my anger with my toddler!

[@elmmills]

Please can Amber or Wendy come and live with me as a parent coach??!! :)

[@chansolo91]

I have been praying to God since my son has been born (which is 3 years now) for guidance. So often I get so angry with him. Everything is a fight and I understand he is learning his autonomy but idk how to handle it ALL the time. He was being so defiant to me I had no idea how to get through to him. I prayed that God would fix ME, help my heart to be compassionate and understand my son. This is an answered prayer.

[@focusonthefamily]

We're sorry you've faced a difficult time with your son, @chansolo91. Please know that we're here to come alongside you in any way that we can. You may find this additional broadcast helpful- bit.ly/3AGFTSD. We will be keeping you in our prayers. -Luna H.

[@belenharris8174]

Adding this, in case another mom needs to know this: reflux and colic in infants can be caused by tongue ties. I learned this with my current baby from a specialist. Only one of my babies didn't have ties, the rest did, including my first born who had a posterior tie that everyone missed. He had the biggest struggle! Sleeping, feeding, everything really. My other 3 children with ties - 1 had only a tongue tie, the other 2 had tongue, lip, AND cheek ties. I wish all babies were evaluated *properly* at birth! If your baby is really struggling, please look for resources to help you figure it out ❤

[@hayleydebruin3810]

My third is a newborn right now and all had tongue ties and 2 had additional cheek and lip ties and I only learnt about all the other effects this could have now! I wish I had known how I could have helped my other babies better. This needs to be common knowledge! Seeing an infant chiropractor due to these things was also a game changer.

[@Elizabeth-jt6tw]

Watching from Kerala India 🇮🇳 Bincy Elizabeth Mathew,, May God bless you abundantly.

[@jennifert397]

This was so amazingly refreshing. I was even brought to tears with the story of how God let one of the authors know that He was going to hold her as she was holding her colicky baby through the night, how beautiful is that!!! Loved the entire episode. Truly enjoyed all the tips from these amazing women and moms! Thank you FOTF! Would love it if you invited these women again!

[@Oneblessedhome]

This has changed my life God bless you all 🙏

[@dianavelazquez3826]

Thank you God for listening to us! Because I feel we prayed to be the parents our children need and you put this on our timeline. Thank you! ❤

[@maikendao]

This was such a good podcast episode. Came to learn to control my anger, but I learnt so much more

[@moniquelewis7520]

I needed this right now in my life.

[@MadeWhole4ever]

Thank you so much for this 🙏🏻 In season👌🏻 Praise God❤

[@jenniferdamiano7447]

All I can say is thank you! It took me a week to listen to this message bc I knew it would be convicting. I feel so encouraged, thank you! I really, really needed this!!!! Blessings!

[@focusonthefamily]

We're glad that you found the broadcast helpful @jenniferdamiano7447! God bless you! -Luna H.

[@chasityrhoades3031]

This channel is such a blessing! Thank you!! Thank you!!!

[@forfaithandmotherhood]

Hmm. Discipleship before Discipline. 📌♥️

[@forfaithandmotherhood]

Seeing these triggers as opportunities. 📌

[@d.g.k8040]

Thank you so much for this video. It has given me practical and helpful tips that I need.

[@focusonthefamily]

We're so glad that you found the video helpful @d.gk8040. God bless you! -Luna H.

[@michellesanchez9]

How can you incorporate this beautiful wisdom in a situation where your child wants to listen to no one, is 9, talks back to everyone and denies they do anything wrong even when you actively listen and have a conversation with them. Thank you 🙏 God bless. Also it is hard when you are slow to speak, but your child yells at her elders (Grandma and grandpa) for telling them to stop doing something. My question is, if you are graciose in your speech would that be validating their lack of respect for others, and behaviors that can harm them later like yelling and talking back to both parents. (That can be dangerous when they get older).

[@mbwilson8592]

I'm sorry you're going through that. I highly recommend "love and logic".

[@dominiquegreen3674]

Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Ted Tripp is an excellent resource also. The main focus of the book is teaching parents how to address the heart of a child, from which behavior flows from.

[@missamanda_]

Just give them some space and let them be this way. Don’t try to control their reactions if it’s pointless. The world will correct them if they won’t listen to you.

[@michellesanchez9]

@@missamanda_ Thank you, your comment was very encouraging. I just have to surrender and allow her to learn on her own, and your right. Thank you for this reminder.

[@bridge2150]

Thank you for this conversation

[@pamelanabwire7093]

Thank you for that powerful statement about single parents

[@SarahSKM]

Practising outside of conflict. So good

[@ambermik2940]

My youngest was a perfect sleeper until his 4 month shots appt......cried for a week and never slept again. Something changed in him that day and it made for a horrible 3 years of exhaustion and short tempered from me. We started melatonin at 3.5 because it as at my wits end. 😢 He has always been a really hard child to keep up with and direct.......mile a minute and listens to nothing

[@edamame-hime]

i am so sorry for your struggles. May the Lord guide you to help and guidance.

[@amandacatraye9801]

Wow, have you been spying on me? 😅 I’m going to have to get this book.

[@shondaet]

This book helped me SO much!

[@estherhb2197]

I relate so much, thank you 🙏🏼

[@eraina_i]

Regret and wishing i could go back is something i feel every. single. day. 😢

[@donnamariecalingasan7432]

Thank you for sharing the wisdom! This is indeed what I needed to hear today. God bless!

[@yelitzadiaz2182]

This is my 2nd listen since its premiere. Gona have to save this one to my watch later for easy access as I need much help with this. Thank u for this content

[@Parentingwiththefutureinmind]

Powerful episode. Thank you so much for sharing ❤❤❤

[@kathrynjoseph3331]

Does anyone know if a mom support group to work on this topic for accountability?

[@ezinneerhirhieneeukaogo1439]

You could start one

[@jomlin143]

This was really balm for me today. EXACTLY what i needed to hear.

[@AbdAlNour]

Thank you so much for this INSPIRED by God discussion of ideas on how to parent better.

[@saraz9017]

More on these topics please

[@NicolaBromfield7]

So timely! I needed this! Don’t think I have ever come across a video like this. Thank you

[@Abena7580]

Thank you all so much for this timely wisdom. So grateful the video popped up on my YT feed and the Holy Spirit leading me to watch. I'm definitely going to buy the book. God bless you Wendy and Amber ❤

[@focusonthefamily]

We're glad you found the broadcast helpful @abena7580! God bless you! -Luna H.

[@lornatwins9944]

I have learnt something for once that totally relates to me thank you

[@marlenerichards2204]

This is a great book! Changes your perspective on mommy stress.

[@esthermaddock6277]

8:10 Was that someone’s hungry tummy??? 😂

[@no-mz7ng]

I am totally blessed by you ladies Thanks FoF🎉

[@mrsmerriér]

Praise to be to our Father in the name of our Lord 🙌🏽 for this 💞!

[@Tracey-zc5bv]

Thank you Amber and Wendy,

[@cherukutnancy]

I really loved and laughed at Amber's plan at 1:00

[@muscle-mommy]

What do I do as the oldest sister (given a lot of mom responsibilities, there’s no father figure living in the house) and I get very angry that my mom isn’t doing what’s right and I feel the need to step in to “discipline” my little siblings and then I feel resentful. They really don’t receive any disciple from my mom or their dad and it’s so frustrating that my anger comes out on them and I feel terrible.

[@danielacasald]

Oh man if the Lord didn’t put this on my feed for a reason

[@jesuschristuslebt3523]

For me to beautiful 😄

[@4evafaithful]

Thank you so much for this. So timely.

[@katiska65]

Thank you for this WONDERFULL ENCOURAGEMENT🇫🇮❤❤❤

[@sashadyck6825]

"None of us is supposed to be everything to our child. They wouldn't need their Savior if we were everything to them.....trust that the Lord is going to provide everything your child needs." ❤🙏🏿

[@ivygitau4655]

Lesson learnt

[@cheritysowski2191]

Thank you for this. So much wisdom🙏❤️🙌

[@Melissa-xu2wy]

7:31 yes this is me 😭 I thought I was the only one

[@BiancaAnne]

Thank you ❤

[@forfaithandmotherhood]

A guide and a coach. Not a whiner. 😁💯

[@Nata-lu2ti]

God lead me to this podcast today and this is the His answer for me.Thank you ❤ Today is a day to start over with God

[@focusonthefamily]

Praise the Lord, @Nata-lu2ti! We're so glad you found the broadcast beneficial! We're always here for you if you need us. -Luna H.

[@mooemedia125]

Love this - so practical 🙏🏻

[@joycedean1725]

I learned so much. Thank you so much

[@nancynance359]

Wow this was so good

[@theannachannel2303]

The third baby did make me snap. Lol I am fixing to have my 4th baby now. When my kids disobey it shows me how I make Jesus feels when I disobey Him.

[@shb8212]

I was undone a bit with#3 under 3 but have to say that 4 4 and under was my breaking point! I need a break to grow these kids up a little more before I even think about a 5th. Not to scare you, but just have a hand plan to get the support you need.

[@theannachannel2303]

@@shb8212 I am getting my tubes tied

[@cathystewart1670]

I need to apply this to my husband. We R empty nester's.

[@hayliehawkins4978]

The book is well worth it!

[@CeceTC]

This has been so helpful.

[@savingthebestforsandles6663]

I boohood all the way to work I was a mess, I have to give myself grace and forgive myself.

[@salinajuarez99]

❤

[@Ruby-Virtue]

Im really enjoying this i need this! But the man who is cutting them off mid sentence is making it hard to finish the episode.

[@MakeretaTalatoka]

👍

[@cil949]

Age might have something to do with this too … the older the harder to keep your cool and if you go through pre and post and actual menopause…. add lack of sleep marriage breakdown financial problems … and being calm would be like being insane …

[@lilytwumasi9618]

Pls help me, my child has started telling lies and stealing things, she lies about something that's she's not even supposed to lie about

[@focusonthefamily]

Thank you for reaching out @lilytwumasi9618! We're sorry that you're having a difficult time with your daughter. We'd be happy to provide you with some resources that may help. We also have Christian counselors on staff who would be happy to discuss things with you. If you think this may be helpful, please give us a call at 1-800-232-6459. In the meantime, please know that we are praying for you, asking the Lord to provide you with His strength and guidance. bit.ly/3LIDiK2 bit.ly/3LK71Cj bit.ly/3M6r12t bit.ly/3SvUeY6 We hope this is helpful. -Luna H.

[@nikkig4847]

On my experience kids lie for a reason

[@nikkig4847]

So where does disciple come in?

[@noesguera]

Why wouldn't God create them with the automatic 'obey parents' thing... If He did that in them, He would also have created us all with an automatic response that would have us all obey Him at all times

[@godsgospelgirl]

13:00 This is a very weird way to put it. No Scripture in and of itself is dangerous. If you take Scriptures out of context, your poor INTERPRETATION of those Scriptures may be dangerous. But Scriptures themselves are not dangerous.

[@mbwilson8592]

Proper context does matter very much.

[@jelisashenae3547]

It’s exactly what she implied you just spelt it out all the way

[@nailetrios2480]

❤