The Keys To Raising Resilient Children | Erica Komisar

"We have over the past 75 years prioritized adult’s desires rather than focusing on the needs of children. Society wants an external fix for the mental health epidemic in children ….but the truth is that we are responsible for this crisis, and only we can undo it."
Erica Komisar's challenge to parents is clear: "They need to take responsibility for their children’s mental health challenges rather than blaming outside forces."
As mental health problems in our children and young people grow at an alarming rate, and our health services are pushed beyond their limit, Erica calls us to look beyond a "quick fix answer" and address the issue at it's root.
Children need their parents.
In Erica's words: "children are our future" - and we will not resign them to a future of fragility, but one of strength.
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Erica Komisar is a clinical social worker, author, psychoanalyst, psychological consultant and parent guidance expert who has been in private practice in New York City for over 30 years.
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[@forthePaternalRole]

For lack of timestamps, here is my attempt: 7:00 - 1 children are born neurologically fragile not resilient 10:27 - 2 children need their parents' presence physically and emotionally as much as possible throughout childhood not just 0 to 3 11:01 - 3 children need mentally healthy parents 11:06 - 4 children need stability and community 13:01 - 5 children need a childhood where technology use is regulated Thank you Erica Komisar for speaking up against your own profession: 13:43 parents play the most important role they need to take responsibility for their children's mental health 18:45 Psychiatry should be a last resort when a child is showing signs of anxiety depression ADHD or behavioral problems unless there is a severe crisis A correction: CS Lewis never said that “Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work.” Dr. John Trainer did.

[@natasasumicletica4276]

Thank you👌

[@sela8788]

Thank you!!🙏🏽

[@arc_conference]

Thank you! Very kind of you to help others like this. Great summary.

[@tanzilawazir2513]

Thank you for scheming all the video

[@laluyulhaidir4507]

Thanks

[@ThomasSmith-z5q]

Honestly, this book ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’ gave me the encouragement I needed to stay strong in raising my kids with Christian values, it’s comforting to know Im not alone on this journey

[@susanspianostudio7057]

Thanks for the recommendation. I'm going to check it out.

[@everlynenyamboga3617]

Who is the writer of the book.I can't find the book

[@susanspianostudio7057]

@@everlynenyamboga3617 i believe it's Benjamin Johnson

[@ThomasSmith-z5q]

Fr. Benjamin Johnson

[@xxsupastarxx]

@@everlynenyamboga3617yes I can’t find it neither

[@erikamarshall6009]

Absolutey this is cultural. In Canada when meeting new people I was asked 'what do you do?' I said I take care of my children, people said 'oh' and left me alone. I now live in México and when meeting new people, most don't even ask, or if they do they ask about the children. It is assumed that caring for children is what women do. It's amazing and validating! Mother's are very respected in this society.

[@lironkufert7495]

That's amazing... Where I live, I had many people look down on me for choosing to stay home with my child and not working full time

[@M.S427]

'caring for children is what women do'. Please watch your words and you will see why women are going to the extreme opposite of not having/not caring for children at all now. Please try to acknowledge the fact that men women both can be parents and at the same time they both are people who have other aspects of life as well. It was because of this absolute denial of a woman's existence beyond motherhood that women have started to see motherhood as a bondage now.

[@helenakurcewiczowna6695]

Thats awesome!

[@shadowfax9177]

Same here. I live in the US and when I say I'm a stay at home mom, people look at me like something is wrong with me. I have a masters degree as a speech-language pathologist and chose to stay home.

[@arc_conference]

We have much to learn from nations that still value children and parenthood

[@IramRiasat-m6x]

The video made me cry.. I'm a stay at home mum with so much guilt brewing inside me.. Thank you for saving me from that guilt and confirming that I'm doing the right thing

[@kimchuy0925]

same.. I'm a stay at home mum also..

[@lindagm7710]

Same … I needed this ❤

[@elizabethevans6980]

I have chosen the path less traveled to be a stay at home mother. I wasn't interested in being a part of the rat race but now my children are maturing and will soon leave the nest.

[@anavirgen6591]

Im also a stay at home mom. I found January Donovan, the founder of the women school. She is Cristian and it’s helped me a lot in my live.

[@samanthaquant7411]

❤❤❤

[@cosimadevaney]

I wish all parents would listen to this speech. I work in a daycare facility for children aged 18 to 36 months. Most of the time, two caretakers watch over up to 13 children. I frequently witness children emotionally struggling, biting, and hitting. If I were allowed to give our parents one piece of advice, it would be: Keep your children at home as long as possible.

[@itsablessingbeinganamerica1401]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences.

[@iamrochelljoy]

Same. I’ve seen daycare life and as much as I appreciate child carers, no better human can take care of your baby (considering you are a good mom) except you. It’s so sad to see these kids being dropped off early in an institution like they are actually pets.

[@lironkufert7495]

Thank you for sharing. I recently went to see a daycare center, and saw exactly that, 15-20 children 1,5-3years of age with two or three teachers, these kids looked bored and apathetic, the toys they had there, my 18 month old daughter already knew how to play with those, so besides feeling abandoned she would be bored, I already could see what would happen if I enrolled her there, and I felt so sad seeing those kids... I just couldn't go through with it

[@lironkufert7495]

​@@iamrochelljoynot only that, there's a new trend now saying that only people with education degrees are qualified to know how to raise kids, meaning parents are viewed by the institution as no longer qualified to raise their own kids

[@andreavfirst]

I have a dilema now, kept son 3 years at home, sent him to pre-k no problem. Kept my daughter almost 3 years too and she stuggles with opening up and being social. She talks a bunch at home, but did not open up a LITTLE at school until almost 7months in, not sure if just her personality or she a COVID baby (too much inside, did not see many people), so it is now hard for her to socialize. But it makes me still wonder if with my 3rd child I should find a balance and try to do both, or just assume it is just my daughter's personality and keeping at home is still best 🤔

[@snaidakwenya5305]

Children are not a distraction from more Important work. They are the most important work.

[@loovejewellery6431]

My children will need to thank this lady. After listening to her interview, I became a stay at home mum. Both my kids will have me at home till they turn 5yrs old. Thank you!

[@SabrinaEBouker]

Well done !

[@jadeolive4343]

👏👏👏👏

[@justtired123]

The right choice!

[@mysparky2011]

Children are the most important work!! So glad we made do with one salary. Our 4 children are amazing. I have 11 amazing grandchildren now. Funny thing is we have no debts (just bought a brand car with cash) , a wonderful home and take great holidays. Many that put careers first have debts and broken marriages. We've been married 52 years now. And yes, even way back then, stay at home Moms were looked down on. I'm proud of my life. Children are a blessing not an inconvenience. Give them, not a job, the best of your life, not the leftovers. Don't let the last part of your life, be a regret for lost time with your husband and children. You think you're important?? There's so many people who could do your job better than you. BUT NOBODY can love and care for your child better than you 💞

[@elyse3332]

Thank you I needed to hear this right now

[@carmenwall8914]

Thank you! I needed to read this today, appreciate the comments as I struggle with owning my business for the last 7 years as a female entrepreneur and having my toddler son who I know needs my time

[@KiaraMoreiraM]

“Our children’s are not a distraction for most important work. They are the most important work.” 👏👏👏

[@pallavi6752]

At around 18.30 mark she says one very important thing- being physically & emotionally present. I come from a generation where parents were physically present but not emotionally. One entire generation now suffering through mental health crisis.

[@loovejewellery6431]

@@pallavi6752 this is so true and like someone else said above, purely staying with our children is not enough, there’s a lot in the how we do it. What we do with them. How we play and interact with them.

[@Mrs.WordSmith.GEN_8zero]

AMEN !!

[@alexxx4434]

The aptitude was lost in previous generations.

[@truskakwa]

I love every word. Proud of our family that we have stayed 3 years with our son and going to stay 3 years with our twins. Kids' needs are our priority and I'm happy we respect them.

[@Virvepaulina]

❤

[@ellenoneill7853]

I'm proud to say that my 2 children never used childcare apart from their grandparents. I have always worked part time. We struggled financially but thought it was important to be there for our children. However, we have been very lucky, not everyone has the option.

[@adamt3332]

@@ellenoneill7853 yep not everyone have an option to not put kids in child care. I would love to have that possibility

[@arp5843]

Why are you proud? You got help.

[@bluemoon7363]

You are amazing! You and your husband made a great choice at choosing to struggle financially for the sake of the type of nurturing only a mother can give to her children.

[@ellenoneill7853]

@@bluemoon7363 Thank you.

[@callianashorts]

I remember my daughter one time asked me why can't she go to daycare like some of the kids she knows at school. Little does she know how blessed she is to not be going. Im a working single mom but Im blessed to have a parent to raise my daughter with me.

[@ForestSchoolLou]

Love her honesty and it's hard to argue with what she says, even if it's uncomfortable. She's the first person I've heard brave enough to highlight the connection between daycare for young children and mental health in later life, so glad someone is raising this and challenging the 'norm's' of modern society. So happy she mentions the importance of play in childhood, but wished she'd snuck in something about the importance of getting outside into nature for supporting mental health too! 😃

[@bridgettejohnson9085]

So glad the speaker put emphasis on needing both parents for different reasons. I wish more individuals would understand this logic.

[@luckychancestitcher]

I've heard this woman speak before. I always feel like I'm the exception to the study. I stayed at home with my daughter till she went to school and slept in the same room with her till she was 6 years old. We don't have any screens or video games in our house. She comes from a two parent house with parents who love each other. We follow consistent routines. I feel like i did everything this woman said we should be doing and yet my daughter is still very anxious and has severe ADHD. Conversely, when I had my son, I was going to follow the same path but at 2.5 year, he was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. The first thing they told us to do was to put him in daycare and get exposed to other kids his age. We saw so much improvement in his communication and interaction with us once he went to daycare. He also loved going to daycare. He didn't start talking till he was 4.5 but the improvement was seen after he went to daycare. He was also more confident when he started school and does not have the same issues that my daughter has with separation. I do believe that this women speaks truth and that data doesn't lie but you also have to know your child. My daughter was just inherently anxious and I doubt that anything I did, would have prevented that. She may have been worse if she would have gone. Conversely, my son may have never learned to talk if he hadn't gone to daycare. I say know your child and do what is best for them, regardless of what the "data" says.

[@tiad.9142]

Glad to hear your kids are doing better😊something your story highlights is that just being with our kids isn’t all that it takes. When I see that you slept in the same room with your daughter for so long, that’s a key indicator…the fact that your kid wasn’t exposed to other kids his age until he went to school is interesting bc school isn’t needed for socialization…this shows me that research has to be put into HOW to stay at home with our kids and allow them independence and socialization otherwise keeping them at home can be more detrimental than putting them in school

[@AS-rw9vr]

I have seen the same thing happen with another friend who co slept. The child has so much anxiety and cannot function at age 11. I have 5 children and stayed home with them except for my first who was left with my mother. I went out every single day with our children, we would go to playgroup, library story time and playgrounds. There was so much socialisation!

[@tiad.9142]

@@AS-rw9vr exactly. So much to learn and it does take sacrifice and a lot of time and effort to educate ourselves and put into practice what we learn, but it’s all worth it in the end for those precious kids bc they didn’t ask to be here!!!

[@metr08]

Thank you for sharing your story. Data doesn’t lie but humans are not algorithms. Social connection and attachment are fostered in multiple ways. I think she has a very limited and unrealistic perspective on what the actual issue is. Not to mention, not all parents can provide better care for their child than daycare could. Childcare is a specialized skill.

[@strengthbalancehealth]

“My son may have never learnt to talk if he hadn’t gone to daycare” - seems an odd statement . Regarding your comments RE adhd and autism- autism in particular can occur during brain changes in utero.. these conditions also can be a result of trauma from a previous generation (epigenetics). So it’s nothing you did wrong, it would have happened anyway, but any positive things you did with your children would have helped them in any case.

[@OlaC.]

Thank you for your lecture. Though, I have something to add. I have one son and I love him more than my life, he is 8 today and goes to school, he started daycare when he was 1,5 NOT because me and my husband wanted to put him in institution but because we both had to come back to work to support ourselves and pay bills. Though my son was in daycare from a very early age he is today an amazing, happy young man. In my opinion it's really possible to have a happy family and work. This depends very much from a family, and daycare today is on a very high level with well educated teams. Children learn a lot and have a good time. I have seen many examples of children who stay with their mums home doing nothing more than watching KZbin and playing video games. We can't generalize in this case. Loving, stable parents will almost always raise happy children, even in difficult circumstances.

[@Sunnygreendaily]

This so so true. Mentally supporting children , guide them to seek helps whenever they needed is not just happening before preschool. Well organized daycare have 1 to 4 ratios by law, and they have programs / curriculums that design to help kids’ development. Both of my kids went to daycare at 3 months old, and they are in elementary school now, and they are both happy and funny, crack jokes all day long. Also as working mom, I want to set example for my daughter to let her know, as women, you need be independent and you can have other roles to play in the life other than mom.

[@nakiguddephionah7190]

These messages tear my heart into pieces 😢. My kids started sleeping in school at the age of 4 after me and their dad seperated and their dad refused to help us with life. I had to drop them to boarding schools coz my mum is too old and weak to care for them. I'm working as a house maid in another country for my kids well being and education. It kills me that I can't give them a parental life 😭. I always feel so bad to hear them say " mummy please come back", but I worry about their future too. I always tell myself "it's okay stay strong", but it's really not okay, It's every day mental pain. But I thank GOD that I can work and provide for their needs as I pray for the path to living with them again as i also work hard for, that time to come. Dear parents, if you have got a chance to be in your kids life, please don't ignore it, it's treasure for them and you ❤.

[@crescentmoon2071]

May you be reunited with your kids.

[@arp5843]

I am very sorry for you. It must break your heart ❤. Yes you can provide financially but they need more emotional care at the moment. Maybe you can bring them to you where you are working as a house helper? God will provide for their studies and future, all they need now is YOU

[@mubassermintoo4568]

J, ll 8​@@arp5843

[@mirjammnwadigo6358]

Psalm 27 says even if my mother or father abandons me you Lord will receive me. Sometimes as a parent we don’t willingly abandon our children but circumstances sometimes force us to. However, I believe God loves our children and watch over them even when we fail or cannot meet up with our parental task.

[@natalyashokur1996]

Kids need you now. Later on you will need them but they won’t need you. Spending time with parents is the best thing ever in this world. Use it wisely to have kids and mother attachment

[@lee-annscholtz763]

Institutional care as soon as possible 🙌🏽. They are YOUR children. Amen

[@andrewthomas695]

I think this presentation gets to the core of the problem of children and mental health. We've crossed a line into hyper individualism and, in doing so, de-prioritised our children. An inconvenient truth to be sure, but one we have a deep moral obligation not to ignore.

[@thevegansons1713]

My son is almost 8 and has aleays been with me. He is homeschooled. He has so many friends and a great homeschool community. He's getting so confident in himself!

[@justtam321]

An incredible chat. Very well done. As a mother, once I had my first child, I felt an immediate pull towards being rooted at home with my child. I left work multiple times a day to breastfeed and ensured that I'd be home by 13:30 daily. When my son was born two years later, I sold my company. Both my children are securely attached. I hope all mommies are given the choice to he home or to be home as much as possible. Thank God for the blessing of family, may He guide us all.

[@ElsieMayagmaGvlog]

I agree,❤

[@ElsieMayagmaGvlog]

I also a stay st home mom til my baby is , 1,7 months.. in Spain. Coz in a place where i am now, they are required to go to school at 1,7 months old.. i have no choice 😢

[@aysha.humayun]

Children need a village, parents lost the village support

[@erikanolamorgan9263]

Totally. Staying at home with parents as much as possible is also problematic. there has to be village components, which isn't as easy as it sounds for SAHP

[@arp5843]

If the village is good and healthy people live in it, yes. If those folks are verbally abusive and toxic like many extended families, then what for? God keep our babies away from toxic environments

[@moniquealvarado-arellano1204]

This is the truth!!!!

[@yeshalloween]

Going on 13 years as a stay-at-home mom, pregnant with my 5th. It’s taken a lot of sacrifice financially and personally, but I’ve never regretted it. In fact, I cherish this role that I’ve been given and count my motherhood as sacred.

[@Improvemypronunciation]

I never thought about been a stay at home mom until I was married. There’s no greater job than raising healthy & emotionally stable kids. It’s a priceless gift to our children.

[@GreyAce8394]

Wow, incredible speech. For years I said I didn’t want kids, I’d only have them if I could afford a full time nanny. I fell into the narrative that children are a distraction and honestly I was afraid to mess them up mentally. About 8 months ago, after waking up from the feminist programming, I realized my deep desire for wanting my own kids. I can’t wait to have my own and stay at home the first years to care for them. Thank you for giving us such simple advice on how we can raise healthy children. I’m very grateful for this speech, thank you.

[@JustSmilePsycho]

That's awesome, I was the same way before. I was too, into the whole feminist BS because of my best friend. I just follow the idea of what the feminist want you to be. Which is promoting loneliness. Even living the "me" life, I always felt alone, empty and no real purpose. Until I completely change that mind set, no feminist BS, but create a better mindset and be healthy from my past trauma of my failed parents. Now I have a family of my own, and my son is the best thing that could ever happen. Yes, he was the hardest job to do but in the end it is so so worth it. To see him thrive, excel and be just emotionally happy to have me literally next to him all the time including his dad. Who is just as important for my son mental well being. And to think that I have something to do with my son thriving and his dad too is just priceless.❤

[@shyamyelamarti3113]

My wife refused to stay so I did. I kind of nearly lost my mind attending to his needs as men are not wired to replace a mom. I lost my whole life as it seemed but looking back I never regret coz I wouldn't have bought back my son's life with ten life times of earnings. This is the best thing I did to me and my son. I say women to the society and humanity are like the base and ground. Without them nothing in the world can find a place to rest upon and establish and last for ever. God will commend women more than men for their crucial role as moms and invisible force behind men. So be proud sister for you are the true life line of your family.

[@shyamyelamarti3113]

​@@JustSmilePsycho My wife refused to stay so I did. I kind of nearly lost my mind attending to his needs as men are not wired to replace a mom. I lost my whole life as it seemed but looking back I never regret coz I wouldn't have bought back my son's life with ten life times of earnings. This is the best thing I did to me and my son. I say women to the society and humanity are like the base and ground. Without them nothing in the world can find a place to rest upon and establish and last for ever. God will commend women more than men for their crucial role as moms and invisible force behind men. So be proud sister for you are the true life line of your family.

[@nicmax444]

Absolutely 100% agree with all of this. Heartbreaking that we’ve lost our ability to attune to our kids. There’s definitely a trend within our culture to almost dehumanise children. Maybe that’s too strong of a word but I see so many comedians joke about how much they hate their kids..unfortunately subconsciously people take these messages in and suddenly it’s normal to denegrate children. There are many examples of narcissism within our society that harm our kids.

[@RaeSA1]

I wish more people listened to this. I desperately wanted to stay home with my son until he was ready for school. It transpired I could only stay home with him until he was 18 months old as I had no choice but to start working. Being a stay at home mum until the age of 5 would have been a dream come true.

[@erikacalmon]

I'm a stay home mom❤ totally agree with every word

[@mirihope2018]

Staying at home 3 years with my second son. I love every minute with my kids.😊❤❤❤❤❤

[@Xchange555]

I had my daughter when I was doing my PhD, I didn’t stay home, but brought her to a daycare on-site of the university since she was 10 months. The ratio was maximum 1:4. My daughter was well cared. She stayed there 7 hours a day for 5 days per week. My daughter is 13 now, a strong and independent girl but still quite attached to me particularly at night. I agree with the speaker’s point of view, but for mothers who really want to work, choose the daycare wisely.

[@stevejacobs9320]

Getting the child to 13 is the easiest part, especially when it comes to girls, Good luck!

[@justtired123]

I'm sorry but the research shows that no matter the quality or country the daycare is in, daycare is bad for small children. Cortisol peaks in the morning, but not for infants in daycare. For infants in daycare, it rises through the day. School will always be there. The years emotional wiring is laid down in children are short. Btw, a 13 should be less attached to a parent at night and perfectly happy to put themselves to bed

[@yahgonz31217]

Your daughter will miss out on those 35 hours weekly of bond time with you, the thing is will she feel the same for you when she’s busy with her own stuff and ambition and stick you in a nursing home where others can care for you? I think we want at such vulnerable times to have family and familiar faces around us.

[@christinarach340]

@@yahgonz31217not everyone can stay home. Majority of the women would love to stay home but not in this economy when jobs are on the line and needs have to be met. When you don’t have immediate family around you to help

[@annieskid]

That is why you plan ahead before you conceive to live somewhere small and affordable or near family or friends. You must plan ahead to stay home. You must be aware even before conception

[@BraveOne7]

I’ve been saying this for a long time that the world is anti-children. Children are dehumanized, devalued, brutally killed in abortions, abused, treated less than adults, deprived of attention, and ignored or not prioritized. I’ve seen it’s so much and it’s so sad. I’m a stay at home mother of two and I wouldn’t have it any other way! God bless children and parents! ❤

[@zgobermn6895]

Save the children!

[@hawkeshamilton]

This was amazing! I cried watching this. as a full time mama and homeschooling parent, I have always felt and known what this doctor so eloquently explained. My family told me I should be working when our first son was 3 months old! . I cherish this extremely important role of motherhood, and feel so honoured to be a parent. I want to share this speech with as many ppl as possible . where we live, most ppl put their one year old child in an institution, and pretend it is normal .... what is normal, is to raise your babies, and bond with them. and love the greatest responsibility you will ever have!

[@shyamyelamarti3113]

My wife refused to stay so I did. I kind of nearly lost my mind attending to his needs as men are not wired to replace a mom. I lost my whole life as it seemed but looking back I never regret coz I wouldn't have bought back my son's life with ten life times of earnings. This is the best thing I did to me and my son. I say women to the society and humanity are like the base and ground. Without them nothing in the world can find a place to rest upon and establish and last for ever. God will commend women more than men for their crucial role as moms and invisible force behind men. So be proud sister for you are the true life line of your family.

[@CD12VIDEOS]

Thank you for bringing attention to this issue. I have been telling my husband for years that women work so hard to be equal to men and the children are suffering as a result. Also, most households have two working parents so time spent outside the home has risen as well as housing. People are only paying more for housing, cars etc. to have their kids raised by daycare or a stranger.

[@anda266]

I had to cry listening to this...I am a stay at home "immigrant" mother in Germany and no, it is not easy....but I am grateful I can be one. God help me make the best out of it for my home!

[@miriamhe8929]

Great speech! I was lucky that I could make a choice to be a stay home mother until my child turned 7 years old. I was back to full time job and got home until 7pm. During the two years, I noticed the changes on my child’s behavior development. I got another job, and I can get off at 4pm and have more time spend with my child after school. Also, I can have couples weeks stay with my child during the summer break. Few days ago, my child told me that, “mom, I love this summer, we can have mom and child’s days, you haven’t stayed with me like that for two years, I was waiting.” I was so touched when I heard it. I am sure I have made a good choice. My child’s behavior is better and calm.

[@cindybubu7576]

I see it the same way. My daughter is still home with me with 3. Thanks for speaking loudly for everyone who sees it the same 🙏

[@nicaurybaez2008]

Faith base community, it is so important. It offers than another community that can count on.

[@jlind3891]

What she says about kids in pre school is so true and the teachers won’t sit and try to comfort the child either when they sit crying missing mummy. They just ignore the sad or crying children.

[@francescacaca]

Really powerful speech. The only missing piece of the puzzle that isn’t covered here is the impact of poor nutrition on metabolism which plays a huge role in mental health and the remarkable increase we are seeing in neurodiverse individuals who are often prone to anxiety. Processed foods and especially sugars I believe, are at the heart of these increasing numbers due to the impact poor metabolism has on egg and sperm quality. Back to basics all round is the remedy!

[@elsalekgjonaj9801]

Breastfeeding too

[@dallinheatherhardy2683]

There is good evidence for the correlation between ultra-processed foods & mental illness. Also, on the remedial side take Hardy Nutritionals, for example, which has a broad-spectrum vitamin-mineral supplement with multiple positive double-blind RCTs in ADHD & depression. All this strongly implies a physiological side to the mental health epidemic in addition to the social and psychological aspects.

[@autumnesh2197]

This is absolutely heartbreaking. 😭 Coming from a secure, family-first environment myself, I can only value and appreciate it more. Thank you for such a clear, concise, unapologetic encouragement!

[@PQI777]

I’m a Dog sitter and walker and I have 4 kids and I stay with them 24/7, I believe there mental wellness it’s the most important, and people criticize but I’m a single parent unfortunately but that doesn’t mean I give up that means I try harder, I take all my kids and the dogs to the park and stay home most the time with them because I see some of their friends and I feel sad for those kids, I wish all parents put their kids first ❤

[@danielleteitelbaum1054]

Not only children, people of ALL ages need strong familial and communal bonds for Mental, Emotional and Physical health. We thought we invented our way out of this via technological advancements and we are now paying the price for our arrogance.

[@julietambali]

❤❤❤❤

[@annaknitter]

I watch every interview with her I can find and I am looking forward to reading her book „Being there“ this month. I always felt what was right when it comes to caring for children. But it is an immeasurable help to be backed up by science and such a wonderful woman who speaks up against the narrative. You always have to defend yourself if you want to stay home with your child and not thrive for a career.

[@setisuafa-os9tv]

Thank you Erica. Thank you ARC. Saving our family is our worlds common priority. Keeping a childs attachment to mum and family in the first 3 years is a fundamental growth stage for all children. Only the first stage. Second and third stages needed too.

[@valeriaibanez1599]

I quit my Postdoc position when I was 3 months pregnant; it was very hard the pressure from the science environment to do something like that, when practically everybody put their children in daycare at 3 months old or even before. But I always told my husband “I won’t work if we have children”, and I did. I spent the best time in my life raising and caring for the most cute baby I could ever have imagined. She is 8, and still sleeps with me and she is being home-educated, and we attend church regularly. She is immensely social and has several friends. We travel a lot and I know we are not perfect but she knows we live entirely for her. Still, this is not warranty for her job t having any mental issue in the future, but our mind and conscience will be in total peace. And we had to go through some financial troubles but God has been faithful and we have had the sufficient to eat, get dressed and have a place to live. And sometime la we have had more and we are able to travel with her and show her a little bit of the world. God is faithful.

[@elenakokorina1793]

Great speech! I am a mother of two kids, age 4 and 1. I returned to work when my oldest child was 4 months old. Thankfully, the work was remote and I was able to breastfeed her for 17 months. She was placed to a daycare at the age of 2 years and 10 months and it was pretty devastating for her. I was laid off while 5 months pregnant with my second child. After that I have been staying with my children, while working part time on a flexible schedule. Nothing can be more important than being with them. I am grateful for the opportunity to stay with them, although motherhood is definitely challenging, but most rewarding experience. My earnest respect to the speaker as, in my opinion, she truly pointed to a very deep problem that we as a society have. Thank you for this video!

[@shyamyelamarti3113]

My wife refused to stay so I did. I kind of nearly lost my mind attending to his needs as men are not wired to replace a mom. I lost my whole life as it seemed but looking back I never regret coz I wouldn't have bought back my son's life with ten life times of earnings. This is the best thing I did to me and my son. I say women to the society and humanity are like the base and ground. Without them nothing in the world can find a place to rest upon and establish and last for ever. God will commend women more than men for their crucial role as moms and invisible force behind men. So be proud sister for you are the true life line of your family.

[@annieskid]

Give her an award and all the accolades! I 100% agree with all of it. I was so privileged to be able to stay home with my son until he was 4 and nursed him until he was ready to stop. I see so many nanny’s and day cares where I live and my heart always goes out to the little ones I see on their walks or out and about. I feel their pain and it breaks my heart. Families in my neighborhood have baby after baby and as soon as they are able they send the baby to day care. I want to shake the parents and say wake up! And they are rich people too!

[@yiyamena65]

This woman is amazing thank you for speaking up for our children!

[@godsown8624]

I felt like weeping at the example of the little boy she gave. May God help us parents.

[@vskob1234]

Wow!! Just wow!!!!!!!!! Make this video REQUIRED for every current parent and future to watch!!! Every word and fact is true!!!!! Share this everywhere!!!!

[@AribunMiah]

Thank you for caring about our children and putting this vulnerable generation first.

[@amysattivaradar8552]

What an eye opening talk! God save the children 🙏🏽

[@stephenrsmith4175]

The statistics are staggering. A crisis that needs attention. Let's not fail our children and the future. Make a difference and volunteer to help. Thank you for sharing. 6:52

[@huynhthidieu99]

Erica Komisar's studying is crucial for parenting in these culture shifts' s; especially focuses in the USA.

[@Thegritmom]

Children are our future, they are our legacy. What does it say for us if we have left a destructive wake of emotionally unstable generation after us.

[@amnaumar8171]

Brilliant n brave in today's society! As a muslim I am so happy that islam teaches the same, children are the most important for parents,n mothers are specifically highly regarded for their duties.

[@youtubeschool4880]

I left my job ! Proudly! Kudos to me !!!!!!! Finally i realised that this time will not come back,,,,, motherhood is the ultimate CROWN for me , Thank you God for choosing me to serve my little wonderful soul❤

[@mariana7802]

Thank you for having this talk! More of this please! I felt it over the past years and to hear it out loud in gathering is a relief

[@frog4flip]

Always always, Family is the strong foundation. Yes strong and healthy government.

[@truthtobetold9816]

Great speech, love every word. Thanks much.

[@agatadabrowska8515]

I do admire dr Erica Komisar a lot and in my therapy office I can say I do straggle of such a lack of parenthood wisdom and it needs to stop as only w can be able to fix it being responible adults and that is so sad....thank you fro this necessary knowlege😊

[@paulachavarria4507]

Que bello que alguien dedique su vida a una causa tan noble! Hablar y defender a los más vulnerables ❤ Nadie trae un manual de cómo ser padre, pero eso no puede ser excusa, para el trabajo más importante de nuestra vida ❤❤❤ El que no vive para servir, no sirve para vivir

[@ritahogikyan8560]

So many agree and realize the importance for children’s mental and emotional health - let’s start talking about what the government has to start helping make this change happen !!

[@elyse3332]

I haven't even gotten halfway & I have tears in my eyes. My ex left when I was 3 mos pregnant, I worked on a stressful hospital floor until I was told I had to give birth bc of pre-eclampsia. My angel just turned 2 & I have been struggling travel nursing, moving cross country to be near family. Now I am at a crossroads if I should buy a larger home w/a mortgage or pay cash for a small one so I can be home with her. You wouldn't believe the pressure to buy bigger, saying I'll regret going small. It is rare for anyone to encourage me to work less to be home with my daughter. I feel like all she has experienced is a stressed momma & I want that to change. Thank you for your video, it will encourage me to not get locked into a mortgage.

[@michellegrace8680]

Buy the smaller home

[@kathytii1077]

She needs to make another video for single moms who were abandoned by the father and struggling with emotionally, physically and financially to raise their children.

[@vintagejaki751]

Get the smaller home. You can buy bigger when you grow your family down the line (if it's in the plans).

[@shyamyelamarti3113]

My life was a mess for decades and struggled a lot. But God met me and healed me and I thank God for all the troubles in life because of which I found God. Our human life can't be explained in a cookie cutter method. So trust God and hope for the best. Some kids turn out Good despite the situations..be hopeful and trust God and seek his favour.

[@johnsonvigor1023]

100% she needs her Mother now ❤❤ I've had to sacrifice so much financially and personally to stay home with my two babies. They began day care at 3.5 yrs (2 mornings only a week). They have their parents and no one else takes care of them. We budget to ensure we can give them their parents ❤

[@godisawesomestudios9583]

I agree with this lady. It rings true. Strong parents, mom and dad, strong families. We also need the family supported by church.

[@amazingjason455]

Excellent speech and the correct perspective on parenting. My concern is that few therapists and other mental health professionals share this perspective and are therefore likely to do more harm than good.

[@itsablessingbeinganamerica1401]

Exactly

[@thankfulforlife]

They wouldn’t. They’re in business because of it.

[@frog4flip]

Truth talk👏👏👏 Wish the culture will turn around, and government will deeply and intensely take action.

[@jessicamufudza2647]

This is so touching and so true. Something I totally agree with and feel we should really address. Indeed the onour is upon us to nurture our kids

[@razvanyke]

Fantastic video, this should be broadcasted on all possible mediums. Thank you !

[@creativereindeer]

Wow we need to hear this as a society. Well said.

[@juanaavila1405]

Oh my God !!! My heart and mind got struck by all the info and truth this lady said. It gives me the courage to continue becoming better for my daughter and regardless of having to work, be always present in her life ❤

[@alexzandriaweston7869]

Excellent!

[@mesm3035]

Awesome!! She speaks the truth!!

[@Apoorva1492]

Thank you so much for saying it as it is!! We need to change the society's standards to bring up a healthy next generation!!

[@R.PreethiSagar]

Becoming resilient parents ourselves is the first step to raising resilent children

[@catherinefox9146]

This makes so much logical sense. Not sure the faith based stuff is necessary, rather it's more simply that it takes a village to raise a child in other words the community of people around you for care and support if and when you need it. But I certainly liked hearing the rest of this talk and will check out more research.

[@sunshiney15]

This woman is saying nothing but the truth . This has always been the biblical order. Man meant to provide, woman to nurture. Its sad that the world we now live is so messed up by the fallen human nature of man and the economic systems that this pattern may no longer be feasible but like every divine order, once disrupted,there are always consequences for the next generation. Even as an adult, I still remember how I felt as a child coming home from school and my Mum was home and how I felt when she wasn't. The house just felt so empty and I would feel a void.I have always carried a great deal of guilt being a working mum all my life.If I had the chance to do it all over again, I would choose to stay home with my babies during their formative years.We need to bring order back to the family structure, this is the only way to raise happy and secure kids.

[@JoyinIAM]

Yes!!! Amen and thank you for this Dr!

[@PP-ix2pm]

Schools should teach this! Along with other important life lessons, but of course, it won't. This is so important!

[@lubomirabartikova1567]

Thankyou! This made me feel that all those years spent as a stay-at-home-mom were worth it - 4 kids, 13 years at home. On the other hand though I almost lost myself during that time. Literally - I had suicadal thoughts, I felt as a failiure everytime my children were sick or not behaved well. Moms, do make time for yourselves, have time outside of home (shopping and errands do not count). My husband was supportive but di not know how to help. I felt better when my youngest started kindergarten at 3. But then working mom guilt hit 😁Mom never catches a break 😁

[@THEBGCOLLECTIVE]

wow !!!! This is what I have always felt and never had the words for it. Thank you for this

[@SabBookClub]

Such inspiring talk confirming actually what every cell in a mother's body and soul keeps signalling.

[@balduran2003]

This was amazing! If I ever get asked to preach a sermon on the importance of families, parents, and children, I'm stealing this!

[@ShonellGM24]

Well said! The premise of this talk goes back to healthy parents.

[@zainabbatool5299]

I wish if i could like it 1000 times. In Pakistan, most mothers are not in workforce, they care for their children and fathers are bread winners. Most women around 99% breast feed children. It creates a strong and healthy bond with children and fortunately Alhamdulillah we have very very low suicide rate in our youth. And yes we are faith based community, that contributes too.

[@bk8082]

Spot on.

[@Stephanie-wo6eh]

This says everything I have ever felt. I was the breadwinner in our home for my first 2 kids and had to work. I felt guilt and remorse every single day but could not leave my job. My sons now struggle with anxiety and the oldest with depression. They are 9 and 6. What can I do to help reverse this? We now have a 1 year old too and I am so blessed to be able to work from home part time and be with him.

[@shyamyelamarti3113]

At the end of the day God is all we need and have. Pray and give their life to God. Hig them and keep them near you so tight and speak to them all the love of your heart.

[@victoriaagadzhanyan8736]

I wish every parent heard this.

[@karinturkington2455]

I love this talk. Such a better society we would have if we put children's needs first in this way.

[@insightinspiration9922]

I love my daughter and to spend time with her, but it has also been very beneficial for everyone (including our daughter) that she started daycare in her first year of life. It’s a small, very cozy and caring setting, and the daycare workers are affectionate and offer a real bond with the children. She has always been very happy to go there and when I ask her in the morning if she wants to get dressed for daycare, she gets really excited. She gets way more exposure to fun activities and attention in the daycare than if I was at home with her for three years (!) all alone. I’ve seen parents being completely exhausted from being responsible for a child 24/7 and sometimes not being as emotionally healthy and available as they could be if they had the chance to get a break from child minding during working hours. While I support fully the message of offering children a strong emotional bond and that this is crucial for their development, this doesn’t always mean they have to be with family. Adding other caretakers into the mix who are well selected can be very beneficial. It seems to be also a very cultural discussion. In Germany where I come from women are more or less expected to stay home for 1 year and then they end up often with only part time work because daycares and kindergartens close early afternoon. In Belgium where I live the system is totally different. Practically all women work full time and daycare is a totally normal part of life for families. It’s also important what happens at home before and after daycare… does the child get a real loving connection at home and can replenish? We are both working from home and have only a few minutes drive to daycare which means we can start our day more flexibly and adapt more to her sleep cycle. Relaxed and happy parents = relaxed and happy children

[@VeronikaDrobnakova]

Very well said!! ❤

[@jen0283_1]

Well stated! One problem is, the wrong people are having children!

[@laurencase5121]

I went to daycare my mother was a single parent and nurse and main provider. My son went to a small home daycare or home with my mom the first few years. I went back to work part time after 3 months of having him. Sometimes people need to work for income or also for sanity. honestly I think it's better for both parents to work if that doesn't mean the father is out of the house 10 plus hours a day. Also to be able to not be money stressed all the time bc children can feel that too. different approaches but I feel like Moms get enough natural mom guilt idk if we need to also feel bad about having a job the first 3 years of our child's life. In a perfect scenario, we'd have family and trusted friends nearby that could help raise our child with us while we harvest food. As the saying goes, it takes a village.. most of us are doing the best we can in this crazy new world. We need love and support for all the different parenting styles.

[@care2crochet]

Thank you for this, epic truth and oh so sad x

[@bobd4563]

The elephant in the room is the adults have left

[@agasza3]

I love this woman speach and believe in the same. I know how important is that mother stay with her child for the fitst 3 years. And how important is self-development of parents, therapy is essential is they want to rise healthy children.

[@selahmartin5859]

Thank you for your work,well said.we need more people to hear and then truly understand what you're saying

[@kolibristar]

The most important topic! 🙌 Admirations