For Harriet on "they did not want me because I was a nerd" foolery.

[@ThemisThoth]

👀 was this late or were you early? Jk... I sincerely apologize for being late. 🤲🏾❤️🤲🏾

[@rescueread5339]

Lol 😆

[@lismartin8060]

This narrative of black girls not wanting nerds is not true. I was book wormy girl, who loved the museum, and the history channel would have fallen head over heels for a black boy had the same interests. Those nerdy boys wanted the cheer leaders and fashionistas not us quirky black girls!

[@ThemisThoth]

That part. We need to stop the gas lighting... date who you want. Don’t blame others.

[@ladyofspa]

🎯🎯🎯🎯

[@jubilantsleep]

FACTS. They didn’t check for their counterparts. They never do.

[@ladyofspa]

@@ThemisThoth They cant always date who you want, but who is in your range, lane, and realistic.

[@MegaFELIPE48]

Has it ever occured to anyone that Nerds do not want to date a female version of themselves hence, their pursuit of girls who are clearly out of their league?

[@phillyjawn8763]

I hate when BM use “Family Matters” as an example to show how Laura represents ALL BW who overlooked nerds. However, they never want to discuss how Urkel overlooked Myra. 🙄 Unfortunately, BM even had a sense of entitlement when they were in HS. Just because you like someone, doesn’t mean they HAVE to like you back or even entertain you. BW SHOULD be afforded the same ability to engage with those they “prefer” like BM are fortunate to do.

[@mlungisiwright]

The cliche of nerds wanting the cooler kids is not a Black thing. That is a pop culture thing. Look up the revenge of the nerds

[@mlungisiwright]

Urkel had already fallen in love with Laura. Love is not logical

[@ladyofspa]

🎯🎯🎯

[@Goosebumps1395]

This...👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾.

[@Janna_Ash]

@@mlungisiwright he was already obsessed with Laura when Myra came around, but that’s not the point. It’s a bad argument that Black women only want thugs - the Black version of “women only want the bad boy”. It’s not true, it’s very limiting, and it ignores that there are female counterpoints to whatever male stereotype people want to use, in this case it’s thug/nerd. People will act like Laura represents us all, and ignore that there was a girl that wanted Steve’s nerdy ass. And Steve was beyond nerdy, he was also obnoxious and clutzy lol, but let’s ignore his unappealing characteristics…and the fact that he did to Myra what Laura did to him. Makes me think of dudes that complain about “friend zone” - how about you stop chasing people that clearly don’t want you?

[@aaydrian]

If there were so many ‘nerdy’ black guys in high school, where are these men now? Why are BM lagging behind in terms of education, employment, mentor-ship, community building etc? A lot of these “nerdy guys” weren’t smart/intelligent. They were socially awkward teens who wanted popular and pretty Big booty Judy, who in turn, wanted the Ball player. Also, I have yet to meet a smart black man that could not get a black woman (that was not a combo of pretty, smart, & educated). These complainers also lack key character traits that will oftentimes repel any woman.

[@ThemisThoth]

🗣where are they!!! 🥴😩

[@Girlintheewild]

Yesss where are they sis??? I see some of them from my HS days doing freelance musician work/ factory work or not job at all.

[@ayaimani606]

I went to an all black high school and only took honors/ap classes. My male friends in those classes with me were not struggling for girls/dates.

Girl you just preached a whole sermon

[@PScott-yh2cs]

Thank you! All the black men in honors/AP courses that I went to high school with are now MARRIED, and the majority married to black women. So, I too dismiss the myth of the jaded black male nerd. If a black young man truly was gifted/intelligent he was not mocked by black girls, but encouraged, and would have had his pick of black women to choose from.

[@jnyerere]

You shouldn't worry about what black men are gonna think. I personally feel like there's a severe deficit in black male voices defending black women. Any black man that knows he's not toxic and hateful towards black women will welcome these types of videos. I for one do.

[@ThemisThoth]

Thank you 🙏🏾

[@ladyofspa]

Thanks for being human, kind, and respectful, and a gentleman in word and hope in deed to women.

[@hymnodyhands]

Thank you, sir... MUCH RESPECT

[@clelaw9930]

Thank you, sir!

[@meeka59]

Thank you!

[@letyoufindme]

I haven't watched the video yet, but I just want to say, "Black women" didn't reject these dudes. The Black women that they wanted rejected them. There were, more than likely, Black girls on their level that liked them (the nerdy, anime loving, socially awkward girls, the equivalent to these men), but the guys weren't checking for them. Now, it's Black women's fault, as a whole, they wanted someone out of their league and they didn't want them back. 🙄🙄🙄

[@TrueMystique]

Exactly. Just like they like to say that black women like thugs, they like City girls. They liked women that did not like them and never paid attention to the ones that did. They'll never admit that though.

[@ThemisThoth]

!!!

[@notevenonce2260]

On a superficial level, this sounds good. But when you say "on their level," you are insinuating that so-called nerdy black girls are below the level of other black girls, particularly in terms of attractiveness and social desirability. This all revolves around the stereotype that nerds of all genders are inherently unattractive and desperate to "rise above their station" because they lack self-awareness and an accurate accounting of their own desirability. You are saying that those nerdy girls are appropriate partners for those nerdy boys - not only because of common interests - but because they also weren't good enough to get guys who were more highly regarded than male nerds. You are saying that black male nerds should seek partners that are just as undesirable as they supposedly are; that they should acquiesce to and internalize other people's negativity toward them and seek partners that they can identify as similarly repulsive. I don't think it's healthy for the underlying dynamic to be "I'm with you because I couldn't get anybody better." How would that not be horrifically misogynistic toward black girls? With comments like this, you are sending black male nerds the message that the only kinds of black women they can hope to partner with in a normative sense are those who are fundamentally outside of the scope of desirability in our community because that's all they are worthy of. Black male and female nerds deserve a whole lot better than that. We need to embrace the perspective that black nerds (both male and female) are inherently attractive and may have partners inside and outside of the black nerd world. Their interests, hobbies, supposed awkwardness, etc. shouldn't be considered inherent limitations inside our community because they don't face that limitation nearly as much outside of the community. Cut this mess off at the root.

[@bishop9296]

So the educated boys in high school went for the cheerleaders? You mean they were aiming at romantic partners that were out of their league? Dare we say the guys were... Average at best?

[@ThemisThoth]

😭😩

[@ee8955]

😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

[@S1lverspike]

Lol that’s act pretty funny. Kind of just proves the point that people should go after people who are similar to them

[@mlungisiwright]

What does educated in high school mean? -ed on a verb shows that the action has already taken place, or you are in the process of completing an action When you in are in high school you are not finished with your education you are not educated past tense. You are in the process of completing your learning. Once you graduate THEN you can say you were educated.

[@bishop9296]

@@mlungisiwright you right.

[@LoneWulf278]

So, what these people are not understanding is that there’s more to their choices in women than the things they are sexually or romantically attracted to. You’re not just choosing a sexual partner. You’re choosing a mother for your children. This mismatch of ideals ends up with a lot of men complaining about their “baby mama drama” down the line. A man may not care about a woman’s education because it means nothing to HIM. Valid. BUT children tend to do better with educated mothers. In that respect, these men are choosing for themselves, not their overall families. Ideally, men and women would see the value in things that advance a family, not things that excite them. We both have this problem. Thank you for analyzing it introspectively.

[@ThemisThoth]

No, thank you for this comment.

[@LoneWulf278]

@@ThemisThoth 🙏🏽

[@TrueMystique]

The problem is the black community in general lacks Forward thinking. We are too caught up on instant gratification and fulfilling pleasure, to the point that we have no discipline especially sexually. This is why the out of wedlock rates in the STD rates are as high as they are in the community is in shambles. The lack of sexual discipline is the bane of the existence of the black community. I've been a mentor to many young kids and I am tired of seeing so many of our young black children in school can't read can't write because they're born to parents that don't give a damn about their education. These men think that is cute to be sleeping with these women and ejaculating in these women without knowing her intelligence level. Yes she may have a fat behind and yes she may look good, but she could be as dumb as a bag of rocks. And that shows in these babies because the mother is the first teacher. I'm pretty sure it's statistical fact that children do fare better when the mother has at least a decent level of education and common Sense. I, for one I'm tired of seeing this. Unfortunately, too many of these black mothers do not. So they think that only black women should vet? Their asses to be vetting these women, too.

[@LoneWulf278]

@@TrueMystique I agree. But their sexual “conquests” are the only way they measure their masculinity at this point. So they won’t vet for anything other than physical attributes, if that. To an extent, a lot of the women are the same- mostly because they’ve given up on themselves early.

[@nopereradicator]

@@TrueMystique Thank you for mentoring. Our children need it.

[@warriorforjustice]

Just another excuse some bm will use to validate being under achievers.

[@ThemisThoth]

This I hope is not true. But I fear it is (just read another comment about school is just indoctrination). I cannot.

[@StephaniePerry]

Seriously, I'm so glad to see a man address this. Black women have about thrown in the towel on the whole subject, and I thought the "Black women don't want nerds" narrative was going to win. And thanks for cutting up, Themis! 💗

[@yogosapphirey]

Hi Stephanie! I love your travel videos 💗 It's nice to see that you watch this channel too!

[@StephaniePerry]

Thanks@@yogosapphirey ! 💗 Wherever there's love for Black women, I'm there!

[@thisismyname8735]

Nerds want the same women Tyrone wants. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@brittneypine6628]

As a former unpopular girl I had crushes on a few black boys some nerdy, some not. They did not want me, I was “too dark”... They wanted Mexican and biracial girls! Therefore I moved on to crushing on Mexican and white boys. By the time I blossomed and grew out of my awkward stage I still stuck with Mexican and white boys. Today I’m 32 and I don’t exclude black men from my dating pool but if I did no one should blame me.

[@thebaddest127998]

It’s okay to exclude them sis 😂 🤭. I’m not gone tell nobody Lmaoo!

[@VLP_123]

Same, sis. I was (and still am) a fat, dark-skinned woman and in high school, I got no play, whatsoever. If a guy did like me, he never let me know about it, but I wouldn't have minded dating a Steve Urkel or other "nerdy" guy in school. It just never happened that way. This narrative of valuing a woman's looks over all else really needs to stop, especially within the Black community. I don't know when optics began to become more important in the Black community than coming together and supporting and loving on each other, but it's sad nowadays how hateful, spiteful, bitter, and mean-spirited a lot of Black men and women are toward each other.

[@larissalaflore7202]

He's right that people don't get the person they want or your crushes. You didn't like the black men who were interested in you. Admit that part. White men generally prefer their own to settle down with.

[@brittneypine6628]

@@larissalaflore7202 there were none that liked me 🤣🤷🏾‍♀️. Well one boy did but he was actually biracial and special needs. The first guy that liked me who I liked back was biracial ( black and Mexican) he was more close to his Mexican side. I couldn’t believe he liked me back. We would hug in the hallway and I would hear black boys say “I can’t believe he likes her” ... I couldn’t believe it either because those boys made me think I was ugly. Unless you went to school with me then you should have a seat.

[@brittneypine6628]

@@thebaddest127998 they exclude themselves at this point 🤣🤣. Unlike them I don’t go out of my way to not date them, it just happens 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@Nyammings]

I was in India a few years ago and there were these ads all over the place of men seeking wives and this was the gist: 'seeking an educated woman with traditional values.' Literally many of these women went to school to study even as doctors, not because they wanted a career, but because it improved their chances of getting married into the right family. Some of these women have never worked outside the home a day in their lives because that was never the goal of getting degrees. If a man tells me that he doesn't care about my degrees he's basically telling me that doesn't value what is important to me. He's basically saying the only important thing in that relationship is himself. Now why would I want to be with someone like that?

[@mlungisiwright]

Well in 3rd world countries education is not always free. So this means they are looking for a woman with money or her family to have money. It shows she came from money if they could afford her schooling

[@Nyammings]

So men don't care about a woman's degrees, but some men do? It sounds so much like 'All animals are equal but some are more equal than others. ' Animal Farm by George Orwell. Just so you know, in India the men provide for their families, not the other way round.

[@ant123924]

When I here a man say he doesn't care about a woman's educational standing, I hear, without him stating it out loud, he will not care about his children standing nor status in the world..

[@EANDM71]

@@ant123924 This!!

[@newjerseyselfdefense6199]

Smdh at the likes - yeah you all don’t get nor understand a lot of things First off - the first comment underneath this post is right And to add to that - Indians are the worst people to use because education is largely about status in their society. Saying “my wife is educated” and her actually utilizing her degree are two different things. You also skip over the fact that Indians are EXTREMELY patriarchal when it comes to the families that these “educated women” would be added to. Despite her education, she will not be entering a family where she will be calling the shots NOR will it be some feminist idea of 50/50 down the middle. Her education has to do more with the first comment in their thread than anything else.

[@letyoufindme]

7:22 Yes!!!!! This is exactly it! The girls were there! The guys just didn't want them! They wanted the pretty cheerleader/dancer type that had access to boys and options from ALL races, and the nerdy Black boys just couldn't compete. And now they victimize themselves saying now onw wanted them 🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️

[@ThemisThoth]

Right.

[@mlungisiwright]

Teenagers typically want their opposite. Didn't the awkward blerdettes want the bad boys and athletes too? Also it seems like people are saying looks and intelligence are exclusive and the smart guys must have been ugly. Therefore that is why they were rejected. If they would just go holla at a facially challenged mathematician they would live happily ever after. Also having better communication skills or actually having something to talk about makes one boring. How can a person who has a superior intellect be boring?

[@yogosapphirey]

This topic has always frustrated me, because it's never spoken on honestly, by the ones with all the HS woes and angst towards women... These self proclaimed "educated lames", desired the same attractive, popular/"round the way" girls, as any of the "select boys" in HS and college did. Some of these "nerds" were just as shallow when it came to the girls they wanted as the "jocks". They were not looking for relationships and/or marriage (like they tend to spout out in certain spaces) during that time of their lives. They wanted to "run through" those girls just like they ASSUMED the popular guys were doing, but didn't have the charisma, or social currency to get the girls they wanted sexually...They felt like their "smarts" and knowledge on all thing "nerdy", entitled them to the most beautiful women on campus, despite not having any personality. Newsflash, liking anime is not a character trait 🙄 Those specific "geeks" never boxed in their weight class, when it came to the girls they wanted, and some even felt that the girls concidered their social equivalents were beneath them. Just like For Harriet said, "I was there!" 🤣 You can't exactly help who you are attracted to, but don't come online 10 to 20 years later spewing about how NO bw on earth wanted you then because you were a "nice guy" or a "good bm", and that all of us bw are these evil creatures because the girl you wanted back then didn't want you! It's more than likely that these certain dudes were not "educated lames" at all, but simply "cornballs" who were both mean and arrogant, combined with some social awkwardness... specifically, the ones who aggressively gate kept anime and other "geeky" hobbies 😑 Apologies for the rant...as you can see this topic triggered some flash backs lol I just know some of these same dudes I went to HS and college with, are now somewhere in certain KZbin spaces 🙃

[@carltonr.7404]

I know I'm late bc I just found this channel but wanted to let you know that you are so, so on point with this

[@bbbbbbbbbb0]

What you said about everybody valuing education is so true, a good example is korean upper class society. A lot of the women are stay at home mums but they are educated at university level and their husbands expect them to be responsible for their child’s success. If they cannot get their children into certain schools, circles, etc, they are the ones who will be blamed for their child’s “failure”. I hope nobody takes offence, I’m black British myself, but I feel like this lack of value in education is a Black American thing.

[@ThemisThoth]

Like, how is there a culture around shaming people for “speaking well” or trying to learn?

[@hunni2968]

The connection couldn’t be any easier to make in my eyes. If 70% (I believe) of those living in poverty are women and education is the direct alleviation of this poverty than why be against it. Also b you make a good point. It seems to be an American thing. We all know children of immigrants who come here drill it into the children to succeed and get an education for example I believe African immigrants are much more educated than the average American. We’re just self-destructing at this point

[@IzzyInTheCity]

Black British males are underachieving too...

[@mlungisiwright]

Are you saying how could it exist? I cannot say HOW. But I know it exists in the Black rust belt where I live in the inner city, or I should say used to live

[@michellemcmichael4680]

Must be an African and Caribbean thing too bc their conquered colonized and po asf The dandy boys are everywhere

[@LoneWulf278]

“It is not in anyone’s interest to act in a way that is contradictory to their own survival.” 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 And that’s all there is to the conversation. 😌

[@FightsRightsAlways]

Black girl nerds,understood they should be with a guy, who was just like them and had similar interests. Yet, many black male nerds turned them down and kept chasing after the black girls, who were waaay out of their league. Many of those boys, turned into men, who then hated black women and dated/married outside of their race. What's funny is, many of those guys, still didn't end up with fine women. They got partners and wives, who were just as regular and boring like them.

[@mashona518]

I seriously question the mentality of men, who are crying about being rejected in highschool. Everyone got rejected. Why when BW get rejected they don't have this level of disdain for BM. And folks need to realize that sometimes rejection isn't even about you. I have rejected guys before who got really in their feelings and petty towards me, not even understanding I was going through a lot of personal things. Let a chick live damn..

[@nnena3631]

Can we also give a shout-out to the guys in high school that had questionable hygiene as well? I'm sorry but this is never talked about, but there was definitely a contingent of black boys in high school that may have had good hearts but were either overweight/ unkempt/ unclean. They tended to run together, no one really knew who they were attracted to, they rarely made a move on anyone, they stayed to themselves, and focused on their work. They remained single for reasons that had nothing to do with thugs....🙉🙊🙈

[@ThemisThoth]

This, all of this!!!

[@mizzhelloo]

Yea those boys were interesting. I always thought that they were either closeted, on the spectrum, or were simply just depressed

[@FightsRightsAlways]

I'm dying 🤣😭😂💀😩

[@fuckeries]

Babes. This has been my issue. I was like I know a lot of nice guys that are well off but the lack of presentation and hygiene is concerning. And I kindly expressed my concerns and all I received was abuse lol. For me I’m like if my breath stinks, tell me (nicely) and I’ll work on it because I’m considerate. Whereas I find a lot of these “nice guys” just as pigheaded as the bad boys.

[@nnena3631]

@@fuckeries Yes, one of the fundamental flaws with the " nice guy" trope is the assumption that his lack of assertiveness makes him moral, his shyness makes him humble and his people pleasing makes him virtuous. Sometimes the presumed "nice guys" are racing to the bottom like the other guys, they're just taking the long route...

[@nnena3631]

These guys have got to stop using the word nerd so loosely. The funny thing is there were a lot of guys classified as nerd that were actually just shy insecure, or socially awkward or shy. Two things, being a nerd, socially awkward, insecure, or lacking confidence does not automatically confer "good guy* status on you. There are a lot of awkward, quiet jerks out there. Social capital is a means of attracting a mate. That's nature it's not specifically a woman's nature it's nature in general. As social creatures a person that does not know how or or is incapable of interacting with the group is seen as less attractive. For women It can also signal your ability to or lack thereof to protect on a subconscious level. Women that were raised in a more crime ridden environment will often desire a male with higher social capital as that would signal safety for her.

[@mlungisiwright]

I Don't think all these manosphere guys were introverted bookworms. Many were just regular smegular. They did not fit into any stereotype as far as behavior. But they did pay attention in class study and do their homework. They did not dress in the designer clothes but they did not dress quirky or tacky either. They were not listening to mariachi music ( while not being Mexican) No they listened to 2pac and SWV they just did not engage in risky behavior which in the hood makes you cool and desirable to many females in that space.

[@Mariah203]

Exactly. In my experience the people classified as nerds weren't actually particularly smart or overachievers. They were just socially awkward, didn't dress well, and were into anime, Manga, wwe and video games. The smart overachievers were often times also popular or well-liked and sometimes athletic too, so I never know what people exactly mean by nerds.

[@bkgangstashawtii]

This argument about women not needing to be educated sounds like competition and jealousy.

[@fuckeries]

They see smarter women as more difficult. They don’t want to be sharpened and often don’t think women can’t sharpen them. Don’t get it twisted SOME women bring the masculine traits that have helped them advance their career into the relationship. But even that statement needs unpacking. Being assertive isn’t a masculine or feminine thing. It’s about having healthy boundaries. And so on, and so on...

[@user-hq6gt6wr9k]

I was scared to even click on this video for fear that this was going to be another black male red pill type rant, but I'm so glad I did! So refreshing to see a black man actually defend BW instead of put us down. I hope you're right about these loud BM being the minority, because that's not at all the way it seems to me. I will most definitely be exercising my options moving forward romantically lol

[@imalwayslate5987]

We also gotta talk about the anti-blackness that calling black men who are not considered nerds thugs. It is anti-black to call a black person who isn't into anime/rock music/anything else that is stereotypically white a thug. And these "nerds" probably didn't realize that it was their pretention that made them unattractive and not their Naruto fandom.

[@Zikomo7]

Lol right. If girls didn’t like you, either you were weird or trying to date out of your league

[@imalwayslate5987]

@@Zikomo7 And I don't feed into the out of your league philosophy. Unless you're out here hitting on Beyonce no one is out of your league. A lot of societal hierarchy is nothing but made up bullshit. But in high school children are more likely to believe the jocks with cheerleaders and nerd with nerd couples. The problem is that people grow up and keep this childlike mentality of being desperate for superiority and acceptance from people who were children at the time and didn't know any better. Let's not forget we were all snotty teenagers in one way or another. Lol

[@Zikomo7]

@@imalwayslate5987 That’s usually the situation tho. First off, dudes are always talking about something that happened in high school when they mention girls liking lames. So you got these boring, lame, pimply boys trying to date the varsity cheerleader But I hear you. I’m tired of this pseudoscience used to keep the community disenfranchised. Alpha males, red pill, sysbm, pookie v educated lame. It’s all BS to justify BM acting 12 into their 60s

[@Wanjiro81]

SAY THAT!!!

[@kc7476]

@@Zikomo7 "boys acting like 12 into their 60s" now that's the heart of the problem! 😅

[@hunni2968]

I think it’s also important to add that first foremost we’re not going to pretend like someone’s socioeconomic status isn’t tied to someone’s quality of life. I mean that in the sense that “shaming women for having an education/degree” will most likely result in women who have dealt with patterns of poverty involving teenage pregnancy, violence and abuse of all kinds, untreated mental illnesses and many more because due to their status they were not exposed to proper mental health awareness and never saw financial, emotional and mental stability modeled to them and these men who are doing the “shaming” so to speak don’t care nor have they voiced that they are concerned in doing their part to resolve those issues since those are the women they will be with. Not to mention this doesn’t only extend to these women but the children these men may have with these women will also have to endure this...they will also inherit these patterns of poverty all in the name of what? We know 2 financially stable parents are better of than 1 alone. It’s just shameful. If you want to self-destruct just say that and do it on your lonesome without involving women and children. In other words, there is no way with the man’s position in society for him to circumvent the responsibility he holds for the rights as a man he posses no matter the excuses. That’s exactly what this is and it’s about control at all costs!

[@ThemisThoth]

“If you want self destruction just say that... “. That is all👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@christopherbrown5409]

Sweetie, the issue isn't the degree; its the negative behaviours that they justify with the degree, and also prioritising their educations and "careers" over the families they claim to want.

[@nezzytoyou767]

THANK YOOOOU!! For being the person to FINALLY speak up on how BM have continuously devalued BW yet now seem to be upset that BW are getting the message and leaving their asses alone. How many times do they think they should put a person down until that person decides they're not going to approach you 🤷🏾‍♀️ anymore? Cause/Effect If you dont supply an environment that is SAFE for the feminine to thrive. Then her only choices are to ...leave you or step up where the BM is not. Which means, she is going to lean more into the masculine energy. Y'all want to lead, but refuse to take accountability for where you've lead us to.

[@sunnc]

A lot of the ppl who say this have “I’m not like other black people 😌” energy

[@jubilantsleep]

When they fit the stereotypes better than “other black people” themselves lol

[@larissalaflore7202]

Annoying when they do that.

[@SuburbanKween]

Hi Are you saying that Kim (woman from the clip) is one of those Black people?

[@sunnc]

@@SuburbanKween no she was responding to those ppl & saying her truth. I’m talking ab the ones who say “black ppl didn’t want me bc I didn’t have swag that’s why I date out” unprovoked to defend who they’re dating when no one cares.

[@SuburbanKween]

@@sunnc Ahhh, OK. Gotcha 👍🏾

[@itsgoldn931]

I’m a black man. And I’m not offended. You said the truth.

[@jasminealexander5050]

The only reason I date out of my culture is because I love men. There I said it. Men of all groups can have the qualities that any woman is looking for in a mate. If I find a man attractive/physically or emotionally is not because of his race its due to 1: he's a man and 2: he and I share the same values and morals as me. Its simple really.

[@ThemisThoth]

Thank you 🙏🏾

[@jasminealexander5050]

@@ThemisThoth Awww thank you too.😊

[@mlungisiwright]

That does not compute to me but I may be dumb. How does you loving men make you date out of your race? Although you said culture. Culture is behavioral race is biological. I Don't know what your culture is,but you look to be what the US census defines as Black/African American. You may be Haitian and if you date an AA you are dating within your race but from a different culture. If you are AA and date "white" American you are dating both out of your race and culture, but then again you may not partake in any thing that is AA. You may be completely WASP in how you come across.

[@mlungisiwright]

Had you said I date out because I don't care about the race of the men I date. That would make sense. At least to me it would but to say I date out because I love men. I'm into women but for me that defaults to Black women

[@teresam5199]

Love this comment. I think you've touched on an important reason why the divide exists between Black men and women - we simply have different values, live by a different moral code, exhibit different character traits, and place priority and importance on different things. Our commonality and ability to "walk together" being so different - indeed at odds - is nearly extinct and necessitates BW dating other races of men for better compatibility, understanding, and peace

[@newaveride3396]

In my family, we require our girls to have an education. The reason for this is to educate the children at HOME! You have said what I have been saying for years. A woman should look, be as healthy and be as educated as humanly possible. IT ALL ADDS VALUE to the community. Woosah!

[@lawrencesao7379]

When I was younger I used to think this.....but the truth was, in my teen years women didn't want me because I was 1) too timid 2) hadn't fully developed my personality 3) lacked confidence even when women showed signs of interest. The nerd thing was a cop out I heard from others and latched onto for far too long "the thugs" had just stepped into their manhood way earlier than I had and they exhibited the confidence and other attractive qualities I wasn't yet comfortable to express. As men we have to stop taking the easy way out....I learned this a little too late. "The nerds spend way too much time in the friend role trying to be "good" wondering why no one chooses them but it's often because they have chosen the safe role of best friend/ confidant or quiet and aloof instead of possible romantic interest.

[@lawrencesao7379]

Incidents at key times that happened and stunted my growth(my highschool was 99% black). I was physically assaulted (once punched, once open hand slapped) twice in the middle of classes by women for being "soft", "gay", "lame" I got cussed out regularly by girls for how i dressed and what I read. I also declined sex once and that girl told anyone who would listen that I was gay and feminine. These are things I had to work through and rebuild my confidence, I do not blame women as a group, i understand that I was living in spaces where trauma and dysfunction was so prevalent that some of my classmates really didn't know how to deal with me. Therapy and accountability is key,without these things we have a breeding ground for bitterness and hostile behavior.

[@MiamiPush2theLimit]

@@lawrencesao7379 ALL OF THIS.

[@macummings7818]

@@lawrencesao7379 💔❤️🌼

[@levelupsinglemom6143]

​@@lawrencesao7379I'm so sorry those things happened to you.

[@Girlintheewild]

I love your videos. I’ve watched you for the second time. I will say that I see how emotionally stunted a lot of black men are. My question to them is why are you obsessed and projected rejected feelings on a woman that was a child? Like bro, for most men it’s been 20 years & they judge all women based on girls from grade school & high school. Just grow up 🙄

[@ThemisThoth]

Right... like a therapist might be helpful at this point.

[@Hintedbymarina]

So glad you're covering this topic Themis!!

[@ThemisThoth]

Thank you 🙏🏾

[@SandyRed881]

I'm not huge on holidays but I love a man who knows the difference between Valentime's and Valentine's Day. An educated, intelligent man who leads, and, provides, who's knows how to turn it on and off, on your arm, is the ultimate flex! 🖤❤💚💜💙💛

[@thatimokoena8357]

How many men do you know are like that?

[@ogeeche]

Downplaying a BW’s education isn’t an ADOS male thing, it’s a black intel thing. As much as I can criticize ados men as a whole, I wouldn’t put that foolishness strictly on them.

[@SmileyAdventures]

True

[@knuke9596]

What do you mean by "down playing a BW's education"? A women's job description or "education" is not the primary thing that attracts men. Women who lead with their "education" is a turn off to men.

[@bheyhey]

I would disagree. I’m married to an African man (who I met in college) and he has encouraged and studied with me along the way. We both have advanced degrees. In fact, all of the women and men in his family have advanced degrees. Education is always spoken about and encouraged in their family and mine. They value it in a way that ADOS just don’t. Just being completely honest.

[@MiamiPush2theLimit]

@@knuke9596 education should attract you if you care about who is going to be the primary caregiver of your offspring.

[@dopeskinned]

Lol Chile i don’t remember any “lames” in my AP classes in high school. Most of the BM in my advanced classes were 2nd Gen African Immigrants& Most were attractive, smart, and social. Soooo no. Lol I’m happily married with no dog on the fight, but the narrative is so funny 😂

[@shenquejames7598]

Submission is for married people not singles. Submission is also very different than femininity we need to separate these two terms. Also, education is a necessity to compete. I am not sure why there is shame associated with upward mobility. But we definitely need to get on one accord

[@BringMeSummer]

👏👏👏 You spoke so much truth in this video! When you talked about men creating the environment for a woman to be able to act "submissive/feminine/cooperative" 💯 on the money. No woman goes into a relationship wanting to be the man or the mother 😒. But, when these men act incapable of doing for themselves & us it's just a natural instinct for BW to step up & get it done. I would have loved to be a housewife tbh.

[@pouchika5672]

I completely agree with this statement and lived it with my own parents. My dad was not capable of doing his role and put us into financial ruins. We even ended up losing our home; which had been bought by our grandfather. She step up to be the provider and made all the major decisions. He never was responsible either as a husband or a father. Yet, he still complains that she took the family matters into her own hands. Its funny that she used to be a stay at home mum and now she owns two boutiques because of his blunder.

[@deehines5750]

Black guys always talk about the "nerdy lames" as if every black person grows up in the hood and there's only a thug or a nerdy lame to choose from. I don't think that's the norm. I was born and raised in a diverse suburb with around a 40% black population and an 89% college attendance. Even with those numbers it was pretty rare to see a black guy in honors or ap classes. Most of the real nerdy lames (the Carlton Banks types on the ivy league route) were never checking for black girls. They chased whiteness practically from birth. Most of them never even associated with black people outside of their family members. They all ended up with average to below average looking non black partners of similar intelligence.

[@ladyofspa]

Plenty of black geeky girlz wanted nerds and dweeb boys but the urkel boys wanted the hot chick to the pretty girl next-door.... Period. This I've seen over and over even in adulthood. Valuing education is not bout chemistry, or polarity. There's someone for everyone. I hear your message, like it, and appreciate it. Your niche message should be louder then any red pill garbage.

[@HollywoodGlamGoddiss]

When they say they want a traditional woman there are referring to a time when women were providers that kept quiet about their husband's indiscretions for the sake of their children or "black love"

[@pynklady11]

THIS

[@BrandoDennis]

Its rare that a person is not attractive to everyone. BN who say BW only want thugs or jock ignored the women that wanted them. BW who say BN only want blue eyes and light skin ALSO ignored the men who wanted them.

[@CharlesWarrenOnline]

The "Thug fetish" is very real -- as a result of the Scarface "mafia boss" craze and the 1990s "gangster rap" boom. This creates an aspiration (within boys) to BE "Thugs" -- to GET THE WOMAN. Then, when the community is filled with single, "wannabe thugs" that EXPECT WOMEN'S bodies and time .... they cry out that women's standards are now "too high" -- because "isn't this what y'all want" 😂😂 This is how I've experienced and understand the oxymoron you mentioned.

[@letyoufindme]

15:17 Honestly, this just shows that he's never had anything. Anyone with this belief isn't thinking long term for themselves or their families. Not even just for the financial resources, but specifically the continuation of their line. Why would you NOT want to have an educated person's genes to intermix with yours and produce the next generation? It's not a full proof plan, obviously, but the genes and access and knowledge gained by having an educated partner is FAR more valuable and important than the sexual gratification that you can get from valuing looks primarily (and that fades with time anyway). Have you seen the wives of billionaires? (The ones they actually have kids with, not the ones in later years) Education, knowledge and access to resources was valued above all else (Amazon literally wouldn't even exist without McKenzie and the loan from her parents). *I don't mean this in a "those women are ugly" way. I mean it in a, "those women aren't the supermodels, these manosphere dudes are saying 'high value men' will choose over an educated woman"*

[@ammabthedigitallynomadic3385]

I’m soooo glad there is a man to validate EVERYTHING i have been thinking and saying all along . These black girls that supposedly rejected them were most likely mixed/ exotic ( Or looked mixed and exotic) black girls that most likely just ignored them. They definitely most likely overlooked black girls that were geeks or dark or brown skinned ; Which were MOST of black women. But then turn around in their adulthood and blame the large population of black women ( that they NEVER liked to begin with) for why they are with other races of women ( that they ALWAYS liked to begin with)... It’s such BS argument. And they KNOW that they’re lying.

[@125loopy]

So glad this was recommended to me!

[@ThemisThoth]

Not YT recommending me. Welcome 🙏🏾

[@SmileyAdventures]

ADOS love you Themis!!! Please keep up the hard work because you truly are needed on this platform more than ever

[@HaitianBlackGinger11]

In high school, I really liked the so called “nerdy” guy. They paid me no attention, mind you the popular boy and football players liked me and thought I was gorgeous, so they say, but, I didn’t like them. The nerdy guy were after the cheerleaders or models in our school, even those girls were my friends and thought I was beautiful. Maybe they didn’t want to deal with a deaf girl🤷🏽‍♀️

[@thatimokoena8357]

You are deaf???

[@HaitianBlackGinger11]

@@thatimokoena8357 Yes, born Deaf. Funny story,As a child I thought the world was silent. It was my norm.

[@sjlewis271]

I literally went to a college prep high school FULL OF NERDS and the dating rituals of teens were VERY DIFFERENT from that of other high schools, for the most part. The absolute most lame and nerdy guy could pull a cheerleader if he wanted to. The football player guy being scouted is with a drama club president....AND NOBODY CARED. All of our goals were to be college educated and successful. So...most of us just dated who we wanted with no problem. But we all knew that at other schools it wasn't like that at all. But of course, there's the occasional stereotypical hs couple but they were few and far in between. We were too busy getting in study groups trying to pass these AP classes. Edit: 98% of the school population was blque while 70% was blque girl. That says alot about the difference of value that we put on men and women FROM CHILDHOOD. The class sizes were 35 with only 5-8 boys and the rest are girls.

[@jubilantsleep]

I widened my net at 18 and I highly recommend. Married now for 3 years. Together for 10.

[@antoinette4995]

Excellent video, I knew only a yaadie could bruk it dung fi dem (since apparently stick bruk inna dem ears dwl). Thank you for your contribution to the community sir. Also, as a black woman that has always preferred black men, I can 100% say it has nothing to do with loyalty for me, or many of the black woman I personally know. Most of us are literally just not attracted to men of other races. We can definitely tell when a non-black guy is good looking, etc. but that's usually where it ends, no real sparks to speak of. Majority of black women I know who date out are practicing hypergamy or do it as a response to black men. I can sincerely say I only know a few black women who just genuinely prefer other races. All the others (including myself) simply find black men to be the most attractive in the world and it has nothing to do with loyalty. Loyalty would be if these black women actually wanted other races but insisted on being with black men. The thing is...WE NUH WAH DEM! It's not even tempting or anything. It seems to be both biological and spiritual at the same time, because I am literally turned on the most by black men, while also feeling a spiritual familiarity (how our bodies respond to music, the foods we eat, art, etc.). Most of us are actually pissed that dating out may be the only option for some of us (with so many black men preferring non-black and/or on their Kevin Samuels foolishness). So just wanted to shed some light on that.

[@MusedMedia]

Settle with a pretty woman cuz she’s just pretty…I feel no way about her TAKING EVERYTHING HE GOT. You’re with her cuz she pretty. She with you cuz yOuRe a hIGh vAluE mAn. Play stupid games win stupid prizes

[@Jaimelikegem]

Lmfaoooo im 2 seconds in and already giggling. This is gonna be good

[@kosajenkins7963]

Themis.... Thank you for your genius!

[@ThemisThoth]

🤲🏾❤️🤲🏾

[@sunnc]

Yes sir thank you for this video. You really spoke. Media has done a number on the black community & I feel like a lot of us need to talk irl rather than replaying what happened years ago & projecting that on each other.

[@kittykatz4001]

A lot of this bitterness from BM being turned down whether boys in school or adult males is that b dudes have a habit of not staying in their lane. They go for girls or women out of their league. And can we talk about which women these dudes are REALLY salty at when they say BW don’t want them? They are talking about the biracial or girl with ambiguous features, and loose Curley hair. But when they get butt hurt because these girls and women who DO NOT have africoid features don’t want them, their misplaced vitriol is for BW. They never drag or have vitriol fir the ones who turned REALLY are the ones who have turned them down.

[@9639dollface]

Sorry i missed your live Themis i haven't been feeling well. I will be here for the live tomorrow. On topic when your younger you want one thing and then it can change like any female regardless of color. Men and women both have to mature to a point where you move passed that. Thanks for the video Themis 🌻

[@ThemisThoth]

No worries. Feel better soon 🤲🏾❤️🤲🏾

[@ee8955]

I hope you feel better soon Dollface 🤗🤗

[@9639dollface]

@@ee8955 thanks 😊

[@9639dollface]

@@ThemisThoth Thanks Themis i appreciate it 😊

[@Love1nOther]

Idk how I got to this video but...yes! I always loved my blerds!!!! They did not always love me back, but everyone is not for you. I have only every talked to and dated nerds. In fact I married one! ❤️

[@Luckimee]

Black women definitely have a different experience but I'm definitely not going to be mad at a man or a group of men for not wanting me. What I am mad at is the trauma they cause

[@ThemisThoth]

This!

[@Aritul]

Thank you so much for pointing out and combating some of the dangerous beliefs in the manosphere.

[@chronicles6065]

Thank you bro for making this video. I have been saying this forever.👏🏽👏🏽🔥

[@lemonlemon7186]

I suppose BM not valuing education goes right along with their Ephebophilia.

[@OceanisInfinite]

WE as the Thoth delegates LOVE your voice Themis!!! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾😍😍😍

[@MrBEARBLAST]

I would say its about 70/30 in favor of the narrative not being true based on personal experience. I and others I was friends with in middle school to highschool both women and men were bullied for being nerds, but we understood it was just our temporary surroundings, which is why we had other places outside of school to hang out with people with similar interests (comic book stores, conventions, etc). Even when I was reading comic books black panther, I always had that one group of kids (sadly all black) that always teased me for reading what they refer to him as the “African booty scratcher”. Only for years later during the movie release, they are fans, pro-black and wearing dashikis all of a sudden. I’m glad the culture is getting more normalized and events revolving around black nerds specific ally are continuing to grow as it does make a difference in preventing some folks from having that “everyone hates me because I’m nerd/different” mentality, and being a part of community/culture of people with similar interests and positive intentions.

[@OceanisInfinite]

This is why most of them can’t hold a damn decent conversation or form a correct coherent sentence. 😩😩😩🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️

[@ginihall1234]

Thank you for speaking on this subject.

[@soniaj.charles701]

I thoroughly enjoyed your perspective. You got new subbie! Stay blessed! ❤🙏

[@onlyalisaawilliams]

New sub, “Erica dinero tv” recommend your channel.... Excellent commentary 💜

[@ThemisThoth]

Thank you and welcome. Love Erica ❤️

[@starcutie6598]

The snippet at 14.41 where is the full video of that?

[@mizzhelloo]

You are preaching sirrr👏👏

[@nrr9070]

Can someone inform me why some women are being shamed for being nurses? What was said about it?

[@letyoufindme]

It's in relation to having a degree and a career.

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

@@letyoufindme So, Nursing isn't seen as a valid career? Or is it? Sorry, I'm confused.

[@daddydiavolo8378]

They say that a lot of nurses are promiscuous and love to date dead beat men.

[@letyoufindme]

@@dumfriesspearhead7398 Men from the manosphere are saying that they don't want women with degrees/careers. To be a nurse (a career) you have to have a degree. He was just using female nurses as an example of women the manosphere are saying they don't want.

[@nrr9070]

@@letyoufindme There are many nurses with no degrees, but that is a whole different topic. Thank you for your insight. Much appreciated!

[@MrsBerry-of3lr]

T&T you just spoke the whole truth 👏 🙌 💯!

[@macummings7818]

👏👏👏 All so well said, again Thank you!

[@courtney1427]

Almost at 3k 🤗🤗

[@ThemisThoth]

🤲🏾❤️🤲🏾

[@ee8955]

🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

[@Jolah]

YOURE BLOWING UP

[@ThemisThoth]

Barely 😂

[@mcsaism]

Wow I recognize you from her lives! Looking forward to more

[@ThemisThoth]

Thank you 👏🏽

[@cassycookie9558]

I am the sporty(i am fit and good looking) neird type, and i GARANTIE you bm would overlook me. 1. because i wasnt a light and was black. 2. Because they all wanted to date Becky, the cheerleader/fashionistas type and mixed/biracial chicks. I got more success with rich men of other races. And those type of men do care if you are educated or not ( the ones who are searching for a marriage partner). The one swho just wanted some fun, dont care. They are just seeking the sugar baby type.

[@hymnodyhands]

The tragedy of this whole discussion... those STILL WORRIED about who didn't like who in 2003 in high school and there is a whole second half of 2021 going on out here... opportunities both to thrive AND CRASH AND BURN, and to prosper AND GO BROKE in ways we have NEVER experienced before... so many more things to do and be and people to meet even from the comfort and safety of our own homes... I don't care who the person is, but if they are STILL HUNG UP on who they couldn't get in 2003 and don't want now and think 23 MILLION women are going to wait on them to work that out in a world of 3.9 BILLION MEN ... the backwardness is disqualifying!

[@prosperousk5477]

Themis I just ❤️ u!

[@ThemisThoth]

Thank you 🙏🏾

[@datruestory968]

Myra was crazy about him but he wanted someone who wasn’t interested. They trying to make the women they want want them. Both were good and beautiful women just different kind of women so he had it good. Its not like Myra was running around snorkling like him 😂😂😂

[@mcsaism]

~25:30 is a word. This is too true

[@newjerseyselfdefense6199]

Smdh @ being for HYPERGAMY but not being for patriarchy

[@loveself6396]

You are so wise. omg

[@Love1nOther]

Wow! Are you facilitating and environment where someone feels safe submitting to you?

[@lanalove9992]

You are correct!

[@ThemisThoth]

🙏🏾

[@_basedperry]

This just obfustactes the point. Why does it matter what women the "black nerd" was attracted too when all black women want competent men that make a decent living? Why are we shaming men for wanting beauitiful, social, & exuberant women. Instead of asking why black women don't look for dedicated, focused & educated men of character before they hit the age of 30 years old. Sure you can say it's a cope & that may be true. But so is the woman who spent 5 years dating a loser that cheated on her multiple times because she was "young and dumb"

[@ThemisThoth]

I feel like this is a discussion. I will be live on Friday. Set the reminder and we can discuss live. kzbin.info/www/bejne/jnOQZ3aAermHqJY

[@_basedperry]

@@ThemisThoth How long is your show before you start letting in callers? I should be free around 7pm est.

[@ThemisThoth]

@@_basedperry usually pretty long. Set a reminder and come when you can

[@kekepagele8135]

I only prefer nerds ("educated lames") and mostly only dated them but they still have the same mentalities...don't want to provide, protect or commit.

[@ABGwithSass2]

Thats because black male nerds worship and believe the same values as the “thugs” or “pookies.”

[@x97s]

Men love excuses

[@kittykatz4001]

They made this actor look goofy for the show. If that’s a current picture of him, he looks good. Cleans up well.

[@meccob.5927]

Thanks for the video. I really learned a lot.

[@trhair1]

The standards that are set for bm are exceptionally low. BM simply refuse to rise to the occasion and be consistent,employed and emotionally healthy. They have shown this for decades, black women are finally waking up.

[@thatimokoena8357]

Wow!!

[@notevenonce2260]

Thanks for broaching the subject. It's is clearly outside of your experience so it's not something you can relate to at a personal level. Please refrain from relying on the stereotype that intellectual/nerdy types (which has nothing to do with a person's actual intelligence or education level) have a one-dimensional preference for a "cheerleader" stereotype. That may be true of some black male nerds, but it is not a generality. Lots of black boy nerds got rejected most harshly by black girl nerds who were working through their own identity issues and would not consider black male nerds as a result. Things are never that one-sided. Not everyone has a singular type, and they may face rejection by a very diverse array of people. Black male nerds get rejected by black women at all levels of attractiveness, education, etc. That said, I wholeheartedly agree with your assessment that black men who partner with non-black women should not use black women as a scapegoat. BUT, that means that our cultural understanding of race, gender, and sexuality in regards to black men and boys must change. Unfortunately, black men in interracial relationships are constantly placed in a position to have to explain or justify their relationships to other black people who view them with skepticism, disapproval, and outright hostility at times. As a result, the justifications can become combative over time. Many times, those men are asked pointedly "why don't you like black women?" or "what's wrong with sisters?". Unfortunately, too many of them take the bait and launch into a diatribe thinking that they can win. It's a lose-lose scenario that they should not be in to start with. It is fundamentally inappropriate to ask any person why they are in a relationship with someone as if its not self-evident. No one is entitled to an explanation of that. What I wish black men, particularly black male nerds, understood is the importance of healthy boundaries and were more aware of when their own boundaries have been violated.

[@47shadows76]

Bro, you are doing Yoeman's work with these topics. I had no idea that the nerdier bw also felt such sharp rejection. Real talk, us "oreo" BM growing up didn't notice you because we didn't think you really liked us lol.

[@santanaduncan9047]

Made it!

[@ThemisThoth]

Yeahhhhh!

[@mallaryfrierson7407]

What is the link to 1. Harriet's video 2. The video where you interviewed the guy in the car

[@aliyahharmon9045]

In reality our preferences are not a monolith. They just use false narrative to get us to confirm their hurt.

[@cj10109]

I went to a school full of smart nerdy kids. Lol they were in the books trying to graduate. Of course we saw a few couples but not a lot. It was nothing like the movies or “the norm”

[@cvzdez]

Lol some boys have skid marks in the draws

[@meljones7668]

Hi Themis I have tried to like this video but it’s not keeping, just so you are aware

[@ThemisThoth]

Thank you. No YT trying to silence me... I cannot.

[@ee8955]

Something has been funny lately with Themis' channel, sometimes comments don't stick. I don't know what could be happening.

[@MaryamAhmed-on9hu]

👏👏👏👏Even though its late💐💐💐

[@TheDarkAdventure]

13:40 If you ask women what they "bring to the table" relationship wise her answer usually attributes to nothing. Your money is hers and her money is also hers. As a man you do not have access to your wife/girlfriends financials. If you asked her to contribute she'd probably hit the road (A lot of women have said as much and most divorces are sparked for financial reasons). If a woman isn't contributing financially to your household then why does her money matter? If she is not homeschooling the children like you imply then why does her education matter? I mean, it's cool to say. Congrats on your degree, but it does nothing for your household.

[@ThemisThoth]

I want to reply to this in-depth but I do not know where to start. I will review on the livestream on Friday.

[@TheDarkAdventure]

@@ThemisThoth okay. I will subscribe and watch the livestream. I like your perspective.