Forced into Child Marriage: Life as a Mormon

[@kristinschaoticlife]

Oh my god I just logged into KZbin and saw my face! I couldn’t even remember what all I shared but I truly am so proud of myself right now after watching this. 🥰 Devorah… you’re amazing. The words you spoke to me when you saw me struggling with my words. Wow. This is why I wanted to be on your show and share my story for the first time ever. Because of you. You’re one in a million. Thank you for giving me your time and space so I could find my voice. I’m literally in tears. You’re so amazing. 💟

[@WereAllInsane]

Your words made my day. You are truly incredible and I’m so honored you were willing to share your story and vulnerability on my platform. You are such a bright light❤️

[@rayne4134]

You were and are incredible!

[@barbaranaiman9783]

Kristen that was so very kind of you to say this about Devorah and letting viewers see how kind and compassionate to her guests. Very classy of you for doing this. Thank you for your comment👌❤️👍

[@lauren.kinslow]

TY for sharing your story, you were so easy to listen to even when speaking about intense topics. And your voice is sooooo cute!

[@meg2reall]

kristin you are a powerhouse of a woman i am tearing up just typing this! You deserve consideration compassion and lovw🥺

[@coolbeanz2606]

When she said she was grateful he asked for consent after…i wanna give you a hug because thats not something people should be grateful for especially at a young age its sad to see how similar stories are from the mormon church

[@kristinschaoticlife]

We are trained to be this way. Now that I’m on the outside, I see so much more clarity. ❤

[@coolbeanz2606]

@ yeah i get that conditioned into thinking thats amazing for basic consent glad you got out 💕

[@brookeguenther4909]

As someone raised in the actual Mormon church, that wouldn't happen. They'd have been excommunicated and kicked out of the church. There are some insane churches that branched off led by people that had been excommunicated because of the sick and twisted things they wanted to be ok (multiple wives, child marriage, etc), who still refer to themselves as Mormon (they aren't). The true Mormon church is absolutely against even holding hands with a boy until you're at least 16, then you're strongly encouraged to go on a mission, then attend and finish college before marriage (between 1 man and 1 woman). There is to be no sex outside of marriage. What this woman went through is horrible and not sure what crazy "branch off" that called themselves Mormon abused her, but they should be held accountable.

[@nicksterp2805]

@coolbeanz2606 it's sad that men and young ppl are not taught consent. I'm happy they're doing that now with this generation

[@user-sl7ym1zq3n]

Why are we not teaching young boys consent!!

[@nataliegarcia-f4k]

I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again, Devorah is so good at just listening and giving her guests the space to talk. A lot of podcasts don’t do it this well, and it’s nice to listen to their stories while driving or cleaning because I’m not listening to people speaking over each other and cutting each other off.

[@barbaranaiman9783]

I agree with you 100 per cent Devorah does a great job with her podcast👌🙏🏻

[@christiegriffith4048]

💯💯💯💯

[@gingerkay6319]

The first thing that stood out to me. So nice to hear the guest without interruptions and insertions from the host.

[@k1mmy187]

Agree

[@amanda_xo]

This has me reeling.. religious abuse, grooming, all of it. Resonates too strong. Shaking. Thank you so much for sharing your story

[@kristinschaoticlife]

You are so brave for listening. It’s so hard to hear things similar to what you’ve lived. It brings reality to surface on such a big scale and that can be terrifying. ❤

[@brynnjohnson6514]

I think my #1 favorite thing about this podcast is that you start it out with the guest talking, you didn’t even say a word for the first two minutes. It immediately shows that this is about THEM and not YOU, which a lot of podcast creators don’t do. Just this alone is so admirable and I appreciate it a lot.

[@PomsNTomsMom92]

The guests on this podcast have so much courage to share their stories. Peace be with them.

[@kristinschaoticlife]

Thank you ❤ it was scary but so worth it

[@linseystokes1092]

I grew up Mormon and the sexualization of children is too real. I was 20 and had to actively stand up for myself multiple times over months for my dad to stop smacking my ass. My dad was the person who pointed out my sisters breasts are different sizes when she was a teenager. It was an open secret for my exes Mormon grandpa to be overly fond of the young girls in the family and that it was a joke to keep an eye on grandpa when there's girls in their pool. It's ingrained to see women as baby makers (sexualized), and when you start trying to enter the temple and get that recommend you have to talk to a middle aged random dude about your masturbation and porn habits. It's a disgusting culture that promotes shame and hiding abuse.

[@nonosfavorites]

I’m sorry but what you’re describing is not a “Mormon” thing, this is a “your family is weird” thing.

[@user-sl7ym1zq3n]

And do the men or boys ever have guidance about consent or not being lustful???!

[@Me-dj2sz]

@@user-sl7ym1zq3nTHIS THIS THIS. no it is the same for men. the cycle of shame- id argue fosters an environment for abuse to continue in the dark.

[@hutchyyy6444]

I grew up in the mormon church. We as girls are raised for men, nothing more. It affects every aspect of your being. Im so sorry you went through this, Kristin

[@kristinschaoticlife]

This. The mind control they teach us from primary… I went to primary… every Sunday most of my life cause I taught in primary most of my life. I was always around kids. Teens. Never adults. I knew for to grow up mentally and communicate. I stayed young on the outside. I don’t know how. Looks. The way I talk and act. But I’m so much smarter than I seem! I’m just nonverbal cause of what the church did to us. It’s a cult. Psychology from the trauma bond… I can prove it. I know to many it’s obvious. But I had to learn the hard way by rewiring my brain. Anyways. I talk to much on text sometimes cause if my emotional neglect. 😂 Sounds pathetic I know. 😉 but maybe you get me. 💟

[@Me-dj2sz]

i had such a bad eating disorder growing up in the church. it played a huge part in my mental development and view of myself.

[@alexiszitko9048]

Been following the podcast for about a year now. Thank you for being an outlet for people to share their stories, we love you Devorah! Also thank you to Kristin for sharing your story with us this week!

[@popyNcorny]

35:18 I’ve heard another version of this with a dollar bill used as an example. If you crumple up a dollar bill that is no longer crisp, do you still want it? Most people will say yes, because even though the form has changed, its value has not.

[@kristinschaoticlife]

I’m pretty sure I even taught that lesson. I taught in the young women’s through the years. Now that I know what I know now… It horrifies me to know I taught other young women the same lessons I was taught. ❤

[@Okayladaily]

I’ve never heard this before. Thank you

[@x-ratedalien]

I grew up in Utah and in our own family science class our teacher used the analogy of premarital sex being a clean toothbrush and a toothbrush used to clean a toilet. I spoke up and said how dare she shame us and that half of the class had already had sex and we aren't used up and dirty.

[@Me-dj2sz]

@@x-ratedalienperiod mamas

[@shannoncriscuolo5786]

This has got to be one of the most well spoken stories I've ever heard, not only on this channel but most Mormon stories. This story is powerful. It showcases how the practices of the Mormon church are so detrimental to children which she specifically highlighted in her story. Kids should not be raising kids or be forced to do adult things. Thank you for always having such powerful stories on your channel🖤

[@MK-Hogan]

You would definitely love Cults to Consciousness.

[@kristinschaoticlife]

Wow. Thank you for saying this. It was the first time truly opening up to anyone about my lived experiences other than the little bits I share online. This was huge for me. Especially because of my isolation. My verbal communication isn’t very strong because of how sheltered I was so I’m so glad Devorah gave me safe space to finally open up. Thank you for your kind words ❤

[@shannoncriscuolo5786]

@MK-Hogan oh I watch a LOT of that as well, also a great channel with very well done stories 🖤

[@goatkid2954]

never liked podcasts but this is the only one i listen too listening to these people stories i feel less alone

[@kristinschaoticlife]

That’s how I felt when I found Devorah too. I told myself… some day I hope to communicate my story out loud for the first time… and I did it! It was scary but I’m so glad I did. I truly don’t feel so alone in the world anymore. ❤

[@goatkid2954]

@@kristinschaoticlife 🫶 your awesome you dont understand how much one voice really can help so many people feel less alone and bring awareness thank you so much

[@kristinschaoticlife]

@@goatkid2954thank you so much for saying this 🥹🥰

[@juliekarpenske5449]

When your daughter can't talk to you about something... there is a problem.

[@kristinschaoticlife]

I think it was because as a very little girl I was told not to tell me my mom. It was psychologically put into my brain at such a very young age. The memories are still coming to me every day that I feel safe enough to process my life. 😢

[@kristinafahringer4631]

You talking through your fawning tendencies really resonates with me. I’m going to show this to my boyfriend to help him understand what happens with me since I have never been able to describe it. Truly thank you

[@kristinschaoticlife]

It took me so long to figure out why I was screaming in my head but couldn’t control my body. Fawning seriously needs to be shared more. I was hoping to help atleast one person. When you see it… so much clarity comes to your mind. Thank you for watching my story. ❤ We got this! 💪

[@TheReverenceProject]

Kristin, I’m a stranger on the internet who’s SO proud of you for using your voice. Your voice is loud and clear and wise. I wish you all the best in life. I know the fight against abusers can become lifelong and I hope that your peace as well as your kids’ peace can be protected for as long as you live. I hope you have or find a good support system (maybe this includes a good lawyer in the future) and that you can live more so than survive! I think your story is going to bring clarity for many others, maybe that’s the meaning we can find in our suffering.

[@emmahayward6333]

DID only forms from significant childhood trauma before the age of around 7. So she's been abused by caregivers as a kid, as a teen, religious abuse, and then again by both husbands. All those adults who were supposed to protect her let her down over and over. Im so thankful to hear she's in therapy and finally getting the help she needs

[@violetr7296]

“only” is incorrect, it can form through early adolescence as well. i would personally say around 14-15

[@kristinschaoticlife]

@@violetr7296I believe this actually. I truly think you’re right.

[@caitlinhealy3452]

DID doesn’t only form under these conditions.

[@violetr7296]

@@kristinschaoticlife hearing your story and experience with did was very nice to hear it feels so lonely sometimes ironically 😭

[@raincoathaveli]

@emmahayward6333 previous mental health specialist here: DID can develop because of many things apart from early childhood trauma, though that is the most common way it manifests.

[@jessicar5549]

You can tell she is still such a soft soul, even with the incredible amount of trauma in her life. Thank you for sharing your story Kristin ❤️

[@kristinschaoticlife]

Thank you for saying this 🦋💟

[@JenniferDolan-iz6ul]

this video made me feel so emotional and i'm so glad Kristin has managed to get on a path where she can find herself and the love she deserves

[@kristinschaoticlife]

Thank you ❤❤❤

[@erinjean9971]

CPTSD equals living in the past. I rewatched the ending over a couple times. The past is done, working on it now, give forgiveness to self with grace.

[@kristinschaoticlife]

This exactly. Thank you for watching my story ❤

[@erinjean9971]

@@kristinschaoticlife 💛

[@emilylaurence6529]

Kristin you did a brilliant job in communicating and telling your story. Even if someone is the best communicator in the world, to share such a traumatic story and piecing everything together whilst still in the midst of processing it all- that takes so much strength. Thank you for sharing your story

[@kristinschaoticlife]

Thank you. I have never shared it before. Even my child marriage. Not vocally. It’s all been buried inside of me. My second husband wouldn’t let me talk about my ex and my old traumas. I never even had time to process that life before I started dating him. And I’ve never had friends to talk to about my experiences. I’m trying to get better at my communication now that I realize I lived such a sheltered life. ❤

[@jillhughes9009]

And I just thought about this, wonder if she realizes that her second husband had actually trafficked her at 14 to his friend her first husband-- it started way back then.

[@kristinschaoticlife]

I realized and have been processing this with so many emotions for about a month now. He legit trafficked me. Thank you for seeing this. It helps me to see it too. ❤ It helps me not feel so crazy. We aren’t even divorced yet. He took me to court to try to sue me to pay his lawyer fees even though I can’t afford a lawyer of my own. He’s still controlling my entire life with money while I can’t even pay my rent. Every day my processing reminds me of what I lived because of this person. Since I was 4 he has been my biggest bully. Wolf in sheeps clothing. It’s devastating for me to finally wake up to. I thought we were a true love story.

[@jillhughes9009]

You're a warrior woman, hang in there. Your voice will be the best Testament to many other women who don't think they can make it through and out. It will all be worth it some .day

[@LovedHappy]

Kristin!!! I've been a viewer of Devorah's channel and I was so so excited to see you on here!! :) I'm so proud of you!! I am so sorry for everything you've been through. I was honored to hear your story and I'm so proud of how vulnerable you are and how brave you've been walking through all this and reconnecting with yourself as you heal. There is so much good ahead. Hang in there and keep fighting. You are beautiful and so loved.

[@kristinschaoticlife]

Omg @lovedhappy ! I haven’t seen you in a while because I still struggle posting on Instagram and KZbin. It’s so good to see you! How are you doing?! I post on TikTok a lot these days. Are you on there?! Love you so much girl. I’ve missed seeing your face. 💟

[@purplevoice1363]

Thank you for sharing your story, as someone who is a part of a DID system that lived through religious trauma and CSA, it means so much to hear someone older share their healing journey with the world ❤️

[@sandrabarba3293]

Vyhgyngnhy

[@maggiesunshinee]

0:25 ???? what does she mean by “when i was 38”???? cuz i know she don’t expect me to believe she’s even 30, let alone 38+. 😭 girl. tell me your secrets omg.

[@sofiastj]

MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY

[@fallrain910]

Genetics

[@kristinschaoticlife]

Haha thank you. I’m actually 42 now. ❤

[@winterd0tter]

​@@kristinschaoticlife seriously? Honestly you could easily pass for 25. Also, thank you so much for sharing your story. I am so glad you got through it. ❤️

[@kristinschaoticlife]

@@winterd0tterthank you 😊

[@tonilizama3739]

Wow this story is so heart breaking. I hope she gives herself grace! You don’t know what you don’t know. You can’t do something if you don’t realize it’s not normal. Please give yourself grace and love ❤

[@kristinschaoticlife]

Thank you so much. ❤ This is what I’ve been learning as all the memories come to me. I have so much dissociative amnesia but as I ingrate my parts… Actualy feel their feelings that was trapped inside my body… I’m learning how to giving myself so much grace and love. ❤

[@amberadams2935]

38? Girl u look 26

[@kristinschaoticlife]

Haha thanks. I’m actually 42 now. ❤

[@renjamin10]

@@kristinschaoticlifewhen you said “when i was 38” i had to double back because i was SO sure you were in your late 20’s-early 30’s. i’m so proud of how far you’ve come just in the last few years!! tackling trauma and reworking your brain patterns in your 40’s is so so so much harder than if u do it when you’re younger but you’ve made amazing progress!!

[@ellie3365]

@@kristinschaoticlifeI genuinely thought you were in your 20s for sure

[@kaylynmorgan2510]

I just came across your channel maybe 1-2 months ago, and I've been obsessed since. Every day is an insane marathon ❤ I find everyone's stories so intriguing, and I love hearing them even if it's dark. I can't relate to many of them, but I've got so much empathy for everyone who has the courage to speak up.

[@kristinschaoticlife]

Thank you so much for hearing my story. ❤

[@jillhughes9009]

Holy cow what is story and thank you for sharing. I had in no way anticipated it going in the direction it did --you're a strong and brave woman

[@kristinschaoticlife]

I’m still processing so much of what I lived in 3rd person and not as my true authentic self. ❤ thank you for your kind words.

[@stephanie1733]

Your story has helped me more than you could know. It helped me understand things in my life, and realize stuff about my self. More than anything, it helped me put words to my experiences. Thank you

[@kristinschaoticlife]

Wow ❤ I’m so glad you said this. It genuinely helps me feel my life wasn’t for nothing. That maybe I do have purpose of my own. Not just being a mom and a wife but an identity that’s just mine. Where I can make mistakes or do something stupid where I’m not judged. I don’t have to be anyone’s perfect but my own. We got this. Me and you. One moment and part at a time. We’re healing. ❤️‍🩹

[@Xx.bygracethrufaith]

when she said "a lot of this is from my inability to say no" i felt so bad; its great to recogize that she can say no and thats important to learn but NONE of this was her fault. No one was supposed to experience innapropriate touching especially a baby omg

[@kristinschaoticlife]

💟 you see it too? 😢

[@Me-dj2sz]

i grew up mormon. the sexualization is sickening. i was r*p*d at 17 and told our “bishop”. he asked me detailed questions, then proceeded to victim blame me w bible verses and told me i cant take the sacrament until im fully repented of my sin. not being able to take the sacrament is public shaming, bc everyone notices, oh why didn’t she take a piece. i was the most depressed id ever been in my life at that point and surprise surprise a few months later went to a eating disorder inpatient hospital bc i was so unwell. i told my therapist there what happened to me, she validated my experience and encouraged me to tell my parents. then i was able to transfer schools for my senior year. THATS WHAT SHOULD’VE HAPPENED IN THE FIRST PLACE NONE OF THAT RELIGIOUS BS. i was angry for years, but now im just trying to live for myself and my family. but hearing the same things happen to her reignites that fire in me. i worry for my cousins. i wonder if all the friends i lost had similar experiences, but stayed. thank you for sharing. it’s very important to me to know i’m not alone, even tho i wish it didn’t happen to us in the first place. and devorah, thank u for creating this podcast. i have cptsd and a lifetime history of mental illness and trauma. many many many of these peoples stories have resonated with me and given me strength. i only wonder how i can share my story. i’m too adhd to write a book. perhaps a ghost writer? xx

[@kristinschaoticlife]

Paint it online with videos and memes. Your world will start to manifest 369

[@kristinschaoticlife]

🦋🦋🦋

[@mariselaassef177]

you don't have to say my mom had her own stuff she's going through that don't matter what she's going through she should put her kids first no matter what.

[@kristinschaoticlife]

Yeah… I’m still in that healing process of accepting that my parents should have been there for me. I genuinely blamed myself for years. My second husband did too. It wasn’t until my therapist pointed this fact out to me. I guess I’m still a bit protective of my mom because she has a lot of her own traumas she stays silent about. But I wouldn’t let my daughter date until she was 16!

[@meowserskitten]

1:38:56 you saved a life devorah! your content is really making a change, it was right when she mentioned your channel that i understood why you would have chosen her story! you’re really showing people their realities and giving people a platform to help other abuse victims, i cannot imagine how many people you’ve helped who will never comment or come on your podcast, but that you’ve helped quietly

[@kristinschaoticlife]

She didn’t even know when she contacted me to come on. When this happened I swear I manifested this interview from the universe. Whatever that means. 😂🦋💟🤷‍♀️

[@meowserskitten]

@ that’s crazy, i never would have guessed! i’m so glad you two got this opportunity, this interview was made for you! (:

[@Sunshine-cc7hq]

As an exmormon I'm so happy to have heard her story, it was so reassuring to things I experienced in the church and saw too.

[@kristinschaoticlife]

I’m so glad you felt it validating. If you would have seen me 4 years ago… I was so straight edge Mormon. It killed me when my oldest two kids left the church. But they helped me see the truth.

[@Sunshine-cc7hq]

@kristinschaoticlife I pulled my mom out with my siblings, a great labor of love 💕 I'm glad you made it out. I was lucky to escape mentally at 16 by myself, it's quite the mind games to navigate out.

[@alyssa2796]

I’ve been listening to your podcast for a few months now and I’ve also been a loyal listener of Mormon stories podcast for about the same time. I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long.

[@kristinschaoticlife]

Wow thank you! It’s time to spread clarity and awakening to the ones who are still asleep. I love the members of the church. We were all so gaslit and lied to. ❤

[@Dobermanmomma]

I love that color outfit Devorah. Both ladies are beautiful inside and out. Thank you for sharing Kristin. Wishing you the best in life.

[@kristinschaoticlife]

Thank you so much for hearing my story ❤

[@meghan______669]

This was important for me to hear, unfortunately. I naively thought that sexual posts on Reddit were somehow less suspicious than, say PornHub, thinking that they were more likely to be posted by the participant and not a third party. But I was wrong and I am sorry. I so appreciate your bravery in sharing your story. Wishing nothing but the best for you and your children ❤

[@kristinschaoticlife]

Thank you so much for hearing it. I didn’t even know Reddit had that stuff until he created our Reddit page. 😩💟

[@WaffleSalad]

It depends on the place. Some subreddits are serious about verification for anyone making posts others let anyone post anything

[@alexiwarren]

Kristin, I am so proud of you. I have so many things I want to say and so many feelings that this story brought up. But ultimately, I just want to tell you that I hear you, I see you and you have value. I am wishing you the absolute best and sending all of the love to you.

[@ashleykatchedorian]

this one really hit home. i also allowed myself to continuously be raped for years bc i too was conditioned to think that my body was for “the one” and that as a woman, i would be tainted if i had more than one person 💔 i swear they do not understand how literal we take some things as children! religion could be so beautiful without the fearmongering

[@KayLeeHoward-vc2ph]

So impressive she even graduated highschool and had those babies didn’t lose them that is a blessing she should be proud of herself today for staying alive thru all that she’s a hero to so many women probably

[@kristinschaoticlife]

Wow. Thank you so much for saying this. My kids truly are my everything. ❤

[@jordykitkat]

Her sister told her mom about her being r*ped by her boyfriend and then her mom said "oh yall should get married"?? What is wrong with this woman?

[@taylorceleste1006]

I was born, raised and still love in Utah. I was honked at and catcalled more from ages 11 to 16 more than I ever have been in my adult life

[@maribelru2011]

Wow. So much strength she doesn’t know she has. Even in times of “weakness” I felt her strength. Wishing Christine the best always ❤🙏🏽🫶🏽

[@kristinschaoticlife]

Congrats on 500k subscribers! 🎉🎉🎉

[@StephanieAlba-g2p]

I actually have a good amount of things in common with her. I had no clue that the complex things I experienced could have happened to someone before. Thank you so so much for this podcast.

[@erinerinerinOOO]

The root of this story is horrendous, neglectful parenting.

[@kristinschaoticlife]

It’s so crazy to me to see this as I took every bit of their shame onto myself. ❤

[@erinerinerinOOO]

@@kristinschaoticlifeyou were a child and should have been protected. I am so sorry that you were failed in that respect. You deserved better.

[@cindyaguilar6412]

My heart goes out to her. May she find peace and tranquility she’s been on survival mode for a long time🫶🏼

[@kristinschaoticlife]

Thank you so very much 🥹❤

[@KayLeeHoward-vc2ph]

Abuse is abuse trauma is trauma weather it’s a little or a lot all abused women look back and feel guilty if u we’re never abused ur blessed

[@kristinschaoticlife]

This is so very true. Thank you ❤

[@averygrace5744]

GIRL, when you said your birth year I was shocked you look so youthful which is beautiful considering all you’ve gone through

[@kristinschaoticlife]

Wow thank you so much. I’m tiny so it makes me look much younger. ❤

[@theoriginalpandanon]

Yay! I’m on the east coast so normally I’m in bed when the episodes come out. Thanks for the early upload!

[@kristinschaoticlife]

❤❤❤

[@nicksterp2805]

Youre incredible kristin. What a horrible man. Horrible religion too. You can heal and have a blessed life. I wish you all the best

[@mgmtw1688]

this podcast is so important. thank you so much kristin for telling your story, you have such an amazing wonderful strong heart and i wish you the absolute best. please remember this is your first time experiencing life and never hold urself to deeply to your past, we can only look forward and into the future❤️ i believe in you and your healing

[@kristinschaoticlife]

Thank you so much for saying this. I needed it ❤❤❤

[@chelseamartin3748]

She should make merch saying “and I say this all the time”

[@katetomlinson1638]

Losing the ability to say no will always be my weakest worst part about me.

[@kristinschaoticlife]

I’m so sorry you know this life. ❤ Do you remember your early years?

[@katetomlinson1638]

@ no, and thank god! It does make it miserable when I find out dates and ages of other family members who were born around that time and it’s absolutely atrocious because I thought my abuse started at 8, maybe 7, it had to have started two or three years prior because one of my cousins was born in 05 and I would’ve been about six then and it started years prior… I wish I never got adopted from the minute my brain thought thoughts and I don’t know why my adoptive parents never asked me what was happening rather than tearing out pages in my diary and never saying a god damn word

[@violetr7296]

1:02:00 God …. he literally told you that he wanted to have that man break your heart and he waited and waited to get with you … what a horrible man

[@LifeAcademy-artofliving]

People will usually blatantly tell you who they are. You just have to be lucky enough to have the headspace to listen to them and believe them when they do.

[@kristinschaoticlife]

@@LifeAcademy-artoflivingmy cognitive dissonance was debilitating. But you’re absolutely right. I wish I had Doctor Ramani 20 years ago 😅

[@LifeAcademy-artofliving]

@@kristinschaoticlife Absolutely no judgement here. We all find out the hard way, sadly. It takes one to know one! Dr. Ramani changed my life. One thing’s for sure: When somebody tells me who they are now, I believe them. Don’t be too hard on yourself Kristin. You’ve got this. It’s never too late.

[@MK-Hogan]

Kristen, have you gone on Cults to Consciousness with Shelise? You should!

[@KayLeeHoward-vc2ph]

I was just thinking this lol as much as I love this podcast Shelise is just as great

[@KayLeeHoward-vc2ph]

We need to get this video to Shelise for sure she needs to talk to some other women who have been thru this because of religion I think it would help her so much

[@kristinschaoticlife]

Girl I am hoping I get to someday! Communication is still not my strong suit because of my years of isolation but I’m determined to go on that podcast someday. ❤

[@KayLeeHoward-vc2ph]

@@kristinschaoticlife what lol ur communication seemed so good on this one that’s just me tho me telling a string is all over the place lol

[@koolio5202]

Kristin, I'm a recovered LDS woman as well. I hope you're getting very long-term therapy. I understand laughing as a mechanism to cover the pain, but you need help sitting with that pain and acknowledging it. Nothing you spoke of in this interview is funny. You were neglected by both of your parents and abused abundantly everywhere you went because predators could see your vulnerability. I empathize.

[@koolio5202]

Well, almost nothing was funny. :)

[@kristinschaoticlife]

Thank you. You’re absolutely right. Laughing and not taking anything seriously is my coping mechanism. I go twice a week to trauma therapy and I have done my own research how to heal. Every day is a rollercoaster as I get new memories and have to release my emotions I neglected. It’s debilitating. I have bad agoraphobia and avoid all people right now and it’s so sad that’s where my life lead to because I want better for me and my children. I’m still being bullied in court by my ex. We aren’t even divorced yet. Post separation and financial abuse is a thing. I’m so tired but I’m healing. Sharing here was huge for my healing journey. Thank you for validating me and seeing that my laughing was my way of dissociating from my true emotions. It makes me feel not so crazy. It makes me feel seen. ❤

[@Me-dj2sz]

@@kristinschaoticlifeno shame. i think most humans laugh as a coping mechanism. i think it’s beautiful and strong to be able to talk about it. no shame how you cope. so proud of you for taking care of yourself. it gets better.❤

[@tinymouse2876]

Thanks for sharing Kristin 💜 you will heal because you deserve it

[@michelafavazza7255]

growing up as a catholic i relate to some of the things kristen says. Kristen is such a strong woman for enduring all of this. Truly inspiring, love this pod for spreading awareness ❤

[@melb2258]

Catholics do not practice any of this kind of behavior. There are bad apples everywhere but we’re not taught to be sexually exploited! And women are equals to men. At least in my Catholic family !

[@blewskidoo2110]

I really liked this episode. So many similar things have happened to me, and I'm afraid to name it as abuse. Or rape. But Kristen is right and those men are the bad people.

[@ceciliajunqueira600]

I have to say i admire here strenght, after all she has been through she is still a very gentle soul! I wish her all the best 🧡🧡🧡🇧🇷

[@barbaranaiman9783]

Kristen thank you so much for coming on Devorah’s podcast and sharing your story it was so interesting I really enjoyed it. You did a great job explaining and I wish you the best👌❤️🙏🏻

[@kristinschaoticlife]

Wow thank you so much. And thank you for hearing my story ❤

[@jordandiggs8056]

One of my top 3 favorite podcasts- amazing stories ❤️

[@isac6459]

This is my all time favorite podcast. It’s entertaining, informative and honest. Dev, you’re such a good host ❤

[@kristinschaoticlife]

❤❤❤

[@morgannlabellee]

Devorah is literally a therapist omg

[@AZensibleOption]

First - You are gorgeous and a total badass. Second - You deserve to be happy and to enjoy life. Third - Remind yourself that your worth isn’t based on your past, but on your intentions moving forward. XOXO

[@kristinschaoticlife]

Thank you so much for saying this ❤

[@XxhayleypikeXx1996]

Another great episode. Some great storytelling skills here and thank you Dev for keeping it real as always!

[@kristinschaoticlife]

Wow thank you! My verbal skills aren’t the best because of a lifetime of severe emotional neglect. This means the world to me ❤

[@ariz347]

People who weaponize and twist religion into their own sick beliefs are some of the most evil people on this planet. I hope they eventually learn that God doesn’t appreciate them using his name in vein the way they do; Whether they figure it out while still alive or while burning in the deepest depths of hell. I’m angry for Kristin, but I’m so glad that she’s gotten out of it and was always looking out for her kids as best she could. Best wishes on your healing journey! 🫶

[@priapre]

Dev, you are such a beautiful soul. So mature and loving. We really appreciate you and love your work, your're truly amazing

[@beeboofrisky3425]

8th 😂 I'm so fascinated by stories from former Mormons since I once almost joined the LDS church. Thank you for another great episode ❤

[@kristinschaoticlife]

It’s a basically a trafficking sex cult. In my opinion today. Be glad you didn’t! I’m finally now aware. But I taught in young women’s and relief society for years. 😬

[@Ischyromys]

Wow, that's an "insane" story for sure! I'm an ex-Mormon. I can see how the Mormon obsession with patriarchy and young marriage impacted you, but extremely poor parenting seems to be the biggest culprit. How could a parent encourage marriage at 14 and offer so little basic guidance and protection?

[@Me-dj2sz]

the church’s structure leads to such parental abuse

[@lo-lifts]

i love this pod sm

[@KayLeeHoward-vc2ph]

My mom was bad and strict and mean to me but even when my finance snuck in my house my mom was mad said not to do it again thank god

[@averygrace5744]

I love the hair dev the brown was gorgeous but this is a nice change you’ve convinced me it’s time for me to dye mine

[@DeliaOReilly]

i'm so early that it hasn't even been uploaded to spotify yet :)

[@KayLeeHoward-vc2ph]

What her mom let her older bf move in and not get a job ? No heating in the house why wasn’t cps called ? Please tell me she doesn’t speak to her mom anymore or her dad

[@pufpufpuffin]

Kristin, I’m sending you lots of love and support. We’re the same age but we’ve had different lives. However, growing up in Jehovah’s witnesses and having a narcissistic father I related to so much of this. The mind-fog of trauma upon trauma is wild. I didn’t realize most of it until my mid thirties. The isolation can feel both safe and lonely. I spent three years avoiding everyone 😅 You’re clearly an intelligent person who grew up in terrible circumstances. I have no doubt you’ll slowly but surely keep getting to know yourself and keep fall in love with the strong and beautiful person you are. It’s a process, and it’s completely normal and valid to need time. Thank you for sharing your story. You are not alone, and I wish you all the best. ❤

[@dumbdumb8260]

I was wondering why your white sock was so tiny? And when I looked closer to inspect I was greeted by a little cat, sitting in the chair with you, abbbbsolutely slumped😭❤️

[@bunnyx0x0x03]

all i can think through this whole video is how bad i feel for those kids....

[@iu.lia.na.]

Wow she looks fantastic for her 40s!

[@KayLeeHoward-vc2ph]

She sounded fine I think she did a better job than I would have explaining all this good for her

[@kristinschaoticlife]

My isolation through the years has made it hard to communicate. This was the first time ever truly opening up. I have so much dissociative amnesia throughout my entire life. ❤

[@jamiedeming5353]

@@kristinschaoticlifeyou are so incredibly brave! I would never be able to have the strength to leave. I’m in a similar situation minus the sexual. I know I’m a stranger but you have given me hope that maybe one day I will live a normal,healthy , happy life for myself and my children ….. Thank you for sharing your truth ❤😊🦋

[@kristinschaoticlife]

@@jamiedeming5353you can do it! Just always remember… every part of you is worthy of love. Your love. Finding love for yourself is how we heal ❤

[@brittneymartinez5257]

I just want to say, Mormonism is not Christianity in any way for people wondering.

[@stellaRoss-h3g]

Thank you so much for saying this. I was kind of shocked that she even said that

[@Me-dj2sz]

@@stellaRoss-h3gthat is what u are taught in the church. so don’t blame her. it’s one way they indoctrinate its members. but yes bs nonetheless.

[@KayLeeHoward-vc2ph]

lol she’s a mom for sure the way she took that cup of water as soon as the cat jumped up there sorry this story is sad but that was funny glad she laughed some of the time about her crazy past it’s a trauma thing but many helps to think just how crazy it was to deal with that and now know better I’ve been in her shoes for sure

[@kristinschaoticlife]

The funny thing is I don’t even remember that part. I also have far too many cats so it comes second nature to me 😅❤

[@aniekanakai]

One of the scariest things to me(esp as a man) is interacting with someone who is unable to say no. Not knowing that you are doing something they dont want but getting no indication is scary.

[@kristinschaoticlife]

If you aren’t gaslighting and manipulating the woman… and you truly ask consent before touching… you have nothing to worry about. Fawning comes when we’re scared. But we don’t realize it’s fear. It comes from child csa. ❤

[@kristinschaoticlife]

What he did to me… both of them… was sexual coercion. I had no choice. I wasn’t able to truly consent. It’s psychological warfare that comes with so much toxic shame.

[@Alexorwhateverr]

this podcast slays

[@kristinschaoticlife]

It truly does ❤

[@Alexorwhateverr]

@@kristinschaoticlife you are so strong ❤️ proud of you queen ❤️❤️❤️

[@kristinschaoticlife]

@@Alexorwhateverrwow thank you ❤❤

[@noraaokoj8235]

it must be horrible to still have your kids stay with a man who did so many abusive and insane things to you, i wish you all the strenght and hope you need for the future

[@kristinschaoticlife]

😔

[@Trashcan27]

As a former Catholic they really aren’t anything alike

[@kristinschaoticlife]

My grandma left the Catholic Church to join Mormonism. They’re all the same cult monopolized in different ways.

[@WaffleSalad]

I wonder if it’s a location thing or a time thing but it’s really weird the bishop didn’t question you dating at that age. Growing up mormon we weren’t allowed to date until 16 and after that it’s only double dates until 17 (or 18 depending on your parents).

[@kristinschaoticlife]

Yes this! My kids weren’t allowed to date until 16! That is what the church teaches. But it’s not what my parents taught me. They were inactive members. They didn’t force the church onto me. I forced it onto myself. I didn’t grow up in Utah but I was born there.

[@WaffleSalad]

@@kristinschaoticlife ya I don’t agree with a lot of the church’s teachings/culture but I def agree with waiting to date until you’re 16ish. Dating at younger ages never seems to go well (at least from what I’ve seen)

[@kristinschaoticlife]

@@WaffleSaladthe thing is… if you do date and have sex before marriage… you’re pressured to get married. They want you pure. But when you’re not, toxic shame eats you alive and you feel forced. My best friend growing up got pregnant in early 20s and they tried to get her to put her son up for adoption because she refused to marry the guy that got her pregnant.

[@WaffleSalad]

@ ya they need to learn that purity culture and abstinence only sex ex don’t work. But it seems even outside the Mormon church people need to learn that lesson since there’s so many campaigns against comprehensive sex ed in schools

[@kristinschaoticlife]

Devorah is an 😇 a 🎺 a 👸

[@lalae2023]

Sliding rock? Now I'm dying to know where you're speaking about. I live in the Asheville area. So sorry this happened to you 🙏🏽

[@kristinschaoticlife]

I grew up near the Cherokee reservation! Even worked at the casino for several years. I’m glad you’re safe ❤

[@youcanknow4yourself]

I have personally met more married minor mainstream Christians vs LDS. Halfish of my life in Christian communities and halfish in LDS communities. I’m in favor of a 25 minimum marrying age.

[@kristinschaoticlife]

Child marriage most definitely should be illegal no matter the religion. Knowing the brain damage it caused in me during crucial parts of my brain developing, it should be stopped. It’s trafficking. That’s why I wanted to share. To #endchildmarriage

[@maryeve8366]

Just want to give her a hug 🥺

[@alikat8221]

Early for the first time! So excited to hear this story 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@breewheel2614]

Had a great Mormon friend/colleague, not the abusive kind but rather submission. As a woman who wasn't a fighter, couldn't really stick up for herself but she wasn't a Bible thumper, as we see with abuse in churches. When I told her about the history of religion during a discussion. She felt so bad I got pages of apology the next day. I had to tell her don't she didn't make the rules. She and she had a lot of siblings, had never participated in such acts (can't really speak on siblings but her stories and personality)

[@breezie808]

I am not Mormon but one of my best friends is. Just wanted to clarify that LDS Mormons do not believe in child bridge or plural marriage. FLDS is a small religious group that does this and it is not the norm.

[@lindyjones]

This is true, but mainstream LDS do believe in polygamy in the afterlife. Also, in addition to the FLDS there are various other fundamentalist LDS groups that do practice plural marriage and have child brides. The mainstream LDS members follow a religion founded by a pedophile, Joseph Smith, who married children. Unfortunately, the LDS church has hidden many dark parts of their history from its members.

[@lindyjones]

This is true, but the mainstream LDS church does believe in polygamy in the afterlife. In addition to the FLDS, there are various other fundamentalist LDS groups that do practice plural marriage and have child brides. Mainstream LDS members follow a religion created by a p*dophile that married children. Unfortunately, the LDS church has been very good at hiding its dark secrets from its members.

[@DaniANDNoe]

This is untrue, plural marriage is still in their scriptures and they still believe in polygamy after death. Without American law, Brigham young would still be trying to force this.

[@anitanoterajes]

Mainstream mormanism hides and protect child predators.

[@MK-Hogan]

@@DaniANDNoeThis 👆🏼 Polygamy was only banned because the government forced them to stop. Mormonism is an oppressive cult in itself, even without polygamy.

[@AshR24]

It breaks my heart to hear "My mom knew that he was forcing me to have sex." And then practically the next sentence. "You should marry him."

[@lisaturpen3308]

The Catholics do have a "prophet". He's called The Pope. I was raised Catholic. Most people also don't consider Mormonism to be Christian. I don't.

[@evanhenning4571]

the pope isnt a prophet, hes the pope. hes a mouth piece for god but more importantly the head of the church, theres a reason that catholic doctrine doesnt change. most christian denominations dont consider mormonisim to be christian because the religion is built on bible fanfiction, which is why mormons consider themselves christian. the pope is a figurehead who maintains the catholic church rather than engage in the 'continuous revelation' that mormon prophets do whenever they receive societal backlash and have to change their doctrine.

[@yosoytalia]

the pope is a successor of the authority Jesus gave peter before his crucifixion and resurrection. Jesus gave peter the keys

[@lisaturpen3308]

@@yosoytalia it doesn't matter. The Pope is the equivalent to a Mormon prophet.

[@windwalkerr]

@lisaturpen3308 they're both leading authorities of their religions, but the pope doesn't receive "prophecies" the same way the mormon prophet does. The pope is held to high esteem but Catholics aren't under the impression that he receives prophecies from God. He makes decisions over the catholic church, but people know that he is making the decisions, not receiving those messages directly from God. People under him disagree all the time. that's the difference - the Mormon prophet's words are interpreted as coming directly from God. So no, he's not a prophet. He is not considered by most Catholics or Christians in general to be a prophet in the biblical sense, but rather the leading authority on the religion.

[@brittneymartinez5257]

Mormonism and Catholicism are not Christian

[@racheljane_]

11:21 plural marriage is still very prevalent in the Mormon church, and not just the FLDS.

[@arianacuriel6827]

In the church if you have a plural marriage you get ex communicated.

[@unfeigned4997]

No, it is not. It is against our doctrine.

[@racheljane_]

@ Oh.. honey.. 😔

[@myjunkdrawer8014]

I am not mormon but I think a clarification should be made that this isn't mainstream Mormonism. There's a lot of spinoff mormon groups that are horrible and deserve just as much scorn as if they were mainstream. However I think it should be clear that this isn't what mainstream Mormonism believes and this isn't that.

[@luizabonat410]

Mainstream mormonism is still pretty vile, since it's sexist, racist and homophobic. Let's not sugarcoat things here, babe.

[@SuperDoobeyDoo]

it's her lived experience, she doesn't have to clarify anything. she grew up mormon and was treated this way, that's what the video is about. if anyone takes it as a direct attack on their religion then that's their problem!

[@MK-Hogan]

It absolutely is mainstream Mormonism. It’s all in their scripture. Average Mormon girls are supposed to sit in a room with an older man with no religious or psychological training, who could be their school principal or dad’s friend, and divulge intimate details of their sex lives and personal secrets. It’s insanely inappropriate and the whole ‘religion’ is super oppressive to women.

[@kyleandramae4488]

How do you know ?

[@raincoathaveli]

Actually, this is not the case. Watch any ex-morman, and you will see that their experiences are extremely similar. Though child marriage may not be the norm, marrying fresh at 18 for girls is. So is the sexualization of little girls.

[@KayLeeHoward-vc2ph]

So confusing until ur out of it my ex husband would say he hated me and in the same breath he missed me and loved me I’d try my hardest to make him happy and he would bother me and pick fights I’d cry in front of him and he would say I was manipulating him lol just insane now to think about but I got some ptsd now from it my husband now is an angel so I’m great now mostly lol

[@kristinschaoticlife]

This is exactly how my soon to be ex treated me! It caused so much cognitive dissonance. I’m so sorry you know exactly what psychological and emotional abuse is. It’s far worse than physical in my opinion because it’s so hard to see and understand. It keeps you in a mental fog.