Fortress Tutorial 3: How to STOP the chaos

[@bitterapple]

Thank you. I am setting the alarm! Who's with me?

[@PattyPrescott]

I'm with you. Just set my alarms this morning. Looking forward to it. :-)

[@PC-kc4lw]

Me too 🎇

[@odette8905]

Absolutely.

[@LeonidSpartanKing]

How it is now?

[@bitterapple]

@@LeonidSpartanKing Being an inconsisten person, I slowly transitioned from the set hours (I was often unsuccessful bc the alarm would catch me driving or interacting with people, etc.) into doing the tapping only when I am allowing myself to feel the feels, for example after something triggered me and when I have calmed down, then to just remembering about the process. I don't know if it's this technique, or the other things I am doing, but I have now much more distance to my flashbacks. I can be hyperventilating in my car because in my mind I am doing it too slowly and the shadow of my ex is yelling at me and judging me, and a part of my mind goes "oh, I am having a flashback, just one of those that leave me dizzy. We can have a little cry and then will go on doing stuff". What has changed the most, the flashbacks don't make me feel guilty or ashamed, they're more like quirks now, so that's huge. I've been doing a combination of stuff such as yoga (meaning, lifestyle, philosophy and just a little hatha yoga postures, not the other way round), talk therapy, EMDR, reading, watching useful youtube, listening to podcasts etc., so it's probably a cumulative effect in my case.

[@storytimewithnannyuk8185]

Okay so I've written out my new habit. I've timed it and its exactly 45 seconds 😆👍🌟 1. I am not my emotional flash back 2. I am moving towards: Serenity. Sanity and Sovereignty. 3. I welcome the wisdom of my feeling and I am feeling........ why is that? 4. It is okay to put myself first, to do what is best and right for me first, because I matter just as much as others and when I am in a good place I can then function in a healthy adult way. 5. I am my OWN self; It is MY time, MY attention, MY body, MY mind, MY thoughts, MY feelings, MY ideas, MY opinions, MY Challenges, MY problems, MY responsibilities, MY choices and My actions. MiNE! and no one else's. And no one's else's stuff is mine. I am my own self and I belong to me! Stay in your own lane! NO! IT'S MINE! I WANT! Smile 😊😀😁 Life is good!🥰🤗

[@rekha5543]

I took a screenshot.Thank you for writing that up.God bless you

[@maverickvillage6744]

Thank you dear🙏

[@ilovepapiler]

Thank you!

[@kerrymillar1267]

I’ve used this as a template, thanks for sharing it here 🙏

[@blissfulbaboon]

Thank you 😊 💓 👍

[@MetaPhysStore0770]

MY POETIC LICENCE: I am not a flashback When they attack, Moving to my goal state, Is gonna be great! My feelings i will greet, From my head, to my feet, I put myself first, Quech my own thirst! My stuff is mine, Including my time, I shall repeat these, And flashbacks will cease. Wisdom worth twice the price, Try a new rythum and rhyme, And save yourself some time!

[@suzannax]

This is handy for me as I'm used to reciting poetry. Thanks. I took a screen shot and put it as the background on my phone so that when I'm getting anxious I don't forget.

[@IExpectedBSJustNotThisMuchBS]

THIS THIS THIS: My stuff is mine, Including my time.

[@rs5570]

This was very good. Thank you. Did you do the stop EFB course? Your poem sounds as if you did. I did & it actually helped me so much - I was astonished & terribly grateful. But I was desperate, on the verge of...and had to do something. However, I discovered I should've done it longer than 30 days as they've come back. So I am "starting again."

[@SydMountaineer]

Awesome! Thank You!

[@Sarahizahhsum]

@@rs5570 Maintenace is necessary for any good-oiled machine. ;)

[@NASkeywest]

Wtf. This actually worked and calmed me down. I am pretty sure this guy is a wizard.

[@jovankrstic1851]

hehhehehe

[@christinaworkaala885]

He's been schooled!!!

[@Reddragons111]

Actual wizard.

[@ashleem3327]

I have been using your old hand mnemonic for about 2 months and I can say-it actually works!! Just last Sunday, I was approached by an upset family member who I used to be easily ‘triggered’ by but not anymore. It happened exactly as you said in this video. As soon as I read his text message, I said to myself “nope, that’s not me. That’s his guilt, his shame. That’s not my stuff. He’s grown up, and can work through those feelings on his own. I will not own his feelings.” I’m very much looking forward to the video on feelings as I know I have a hard time identifying some of them. Thank you for all that you are doing.

[@simplylily336]

That's so awesome I plan to start tomorrow..thanks for sharing it's encouraging.

[@AndreaDawnBrewer]

Viewing the disordered human through the lense of pity is helpful. As long as you don't take on their disorder, you can and will facilitate healing.

[@ruthycantfail]

Yes! The old mnemonic helped me loads too when I moved to a new country and embarked on a new career path while dealing with some fairly heavy issues. It was a challenging time but I have to say the hand mnemonic was very helpful 🙏

[@ChrisKadaver]

@@simplylily336 Yeah. Why start now when you can start tomorrow? ;p I'm starting now... but I just figured you'll need 6 fingers on one hand to do this. :s

[@G2da123]

Happy to see you see some results 😁

[@Moshka627]

Richard, I don't imagine you'll see this comment but, if you do, I was watching your livestream yesterday and someone asked if you had any tips on dealing with narcissistic abuse and your reply was funny, all things considered, but you directed the person to this Recovery Fortress content so I came here immediately and watched the first 3 tutorials. I cannot convey how much tutorial 3 has helped me. I don't care if I have to do the process 1000 times a day, it is a workable loop interrupter that pulled me out of a triggered emotionally disregulated crisis I was unable to calibrate for over a week. I have worked hard and stopped reaching for substances and distractions to cope with CPTSD quite a few years ago but my brother and sister both still drink heavily to deal with our childhood and it breaks my heart. I sent this tutorial to them and, so far, my brother has responded with openness to give it a chance.. I am not my flashbacks. I am not my triggers. I intend that I will be a free and sovereign, joyful being in this world and I'd love for my siblings to join me. I made Bezos a little richer yesterday and look forward to starting A Cult of One in a couple days. Thank you.

[@katarina_wikette]

That's how I found this too. Part of me was thinking I've been listening to Richard for 2 years and I'm just now discovering this goldmine?! I'm grateful to have found and I will trust the timing. A Cult of One is great, you will love it

[@Moshka627]

@@katarina_wikette Thank you! The book is due to arrive tomorrow!

[@justaperson9155]

Richard, you have done something so important by making this course. By making it free, you are showing your moral character and you have also built trust with this audience. You have injected some good into the universe. Thank you.

[@AngelKrystalStar]

The "I didn't chose this" is so key as abusers will ACTIVELY try and make you carry their shame.

[@rawaneu]

Richie, you are a beautiful human. An incredibly generous spirit. ❤️

[@markwoodcock3666]

Thanks to all the people who put examples of the 5 steps. I was dissassoxiating the whole video and my mind kept wandering. I had a hard time condensing the 30 minute video into 5 steps on paper. The examples helped me not have to watch the video multiple times.

[@catsmeow3478]

I just watched this another three times and did all five in my own words with my eyes closed to ingrain them. Then I went to the notes app on my phone and typed them all out so I will have them handy. I had a migraine after visiting my parents tonight and it didn’t go away until I watched several of your videos and did this exercise. I feel calm and better now and able to sleep. I also did your two tips for dealing with toxic shame out loud, had a good cry and released some more anger and sadness. It’s very helpful in allowing me to see my parents’ projection onto me as a child and still as an adult. I will never be able to thank you enough for your wisdom, generosity and compassion in helping us all through this Richie. You are a beautiful and courageous human. Thank you for filling in the missing pieces, leading me to safety and giving me my life back. 🙏❤️

[@Mary-zr2uy]

“Self interested actions “is a big one , so very difficult , but Getting better at it every day

[@lo.p4089]

I have realised that a Flashback can also be when you experience emotions that the perpetrator (parent) from the past felt towards you. I didn't realise these were flashbacks, as they don't involve the fear I felt as a child; instead I feel the rage and disgust that the perpetrator felt. It made no sense. It's finally clicked that because I was a child with high empathy, I felt what my parents felt. I felt their rage and disgust towards me. And that's what I get in a flashback. I've started using the technique in those instances too. This has been a major breakthrough for me.

[@kellyl8906]

Wow Laura this really hit me I had to screen shot your message this is really mind blowing to me because this is what I have been struggling with and still working it out I thought this was my natural state!!! thank you so much for writing this message can I ask how are you doing now? And how did you profess with this way?

[@lo.p4089]

@@kellyl8906 Hi Kelly, Thank you for your reply and comments. When I realised this, it was pretty mind-blowing for me too. I'd dealt with most of my flashbacks. However, what worried me was that I was behaving in an emotionally strong way towards some of the things my children did. I would feel a lot of anger when my child could not get maths questions right, for example, or if they did not do as they were told right away. It did not make sense - I knew I was treated harshly as a child in similar circumstances, but at those times I would have felt fear. Now I was acting like my parent. REALLY didn't want to act like my parent. I was a very empathetic child who was parentified and used an emotional carer to narcissistic parents (one with alcohol addiction). It occurred to me (after watching lots of Richard's videos) that I would have felt how they felt when they looked at me and acted out. I was so in tune with the environment in the house and at picking up on people's emotions and needs. So I would have felt what my parents felt, and that's what's coming in Flashbacks.

[@kellyl8906]

@@lo.p4089 thanks for sharing your story it’s really helped me.

[@kbeautician]

This is good. Thank you.

[@marinagayarre9832]

How generous of you Richard. This is pure gold. Timeless. Now it's helping me heal from a 20 year relationship of cruel abuse. Half my life. And I'm moving forwards and changing my patterns thanks to you. Wish you The best in life ❤

[@neosomaliana]

I'm not my flashbacks I have a clearly intended goal state of serenity and agency I'm welcoming my feelings I'm engaging in self-interested action I am my own self

[@renatarisek1404]

I'm pretty sure he was talking about SOVEREIGNTY, not SERENITY.

[@lambertronics]

@@renatarisek1404 Sovereignty was mentioned, but with reference to point two, 'serenity' was mentioned several times. I imagine it's safe to apply whichever word holds value for the individual however. 🙏

[@parikaamma]

This changed the course of my life last summer. Pattern interrupter is so key if you want to live and choose your life consciously.

[@ambers5118]

This is gold, Richard. For some reason, after years of sobriety I've lately felt an urge to buy a bottle of whiskey. I'll do your finger tapping instead. Thank you!

[@bizinsky]

Amber S nothing you want 💥nothing that delivers over time 💥nothing good comes out of a whiskey bottle. Do whatever you gotta do to stay sober.

[@ambers5118]

@@bizinsky Will do Mbon. Great reminder indeed! Thanks.

[@bonnielucas6769]

I get it, Amber. You are definitely on the right road in "Doing something different". We will conquer the pain! If nobody's told you today, I love you.

[@jannaolsen3557]

Amber You are so worth saving and so much more than that bottle. Nothings so bad that drinking can't make worse. Been there and done it too many times. Delays healing, wastes time, depletes current health, energy and resources. Sending hugs to help you walk on by.

[@ambers5118]

@@bonnielucas6769 True, Bonnie. Conquer the pain we will. Even through the company of toxic family after leaving narc husband (all who drink) I didn't drink. Now things are good on my own with great new friends. So, why the recent preoccupation with drinking? This too shall pass as I continue healing. Love you too.♡

[@linhuang5267]

Richard, I literally cried and felt my heart thaw when I heard you say “I’m not my flashback.” That is exactly the place I felt tight every time I was triggered. Richard, you are the miracle!

[@SydMountaineer]

Richard, the concept "I AM" had such a profound effect on me, I struggled to find an appropriate way to describe it, and here's 2 words that I found in my search: *Alethia* (the state of not being hidden; the state of being evident) and *Apokalupto (impart a revelation to someone).* The meaning of "Apokalupto" especially describes the effect "I AM" had on me when you explained it in this video. Thank you for introducing it in the way you did. "I AM" totally and completely removes the dark, cloudy, crushing, confusing, hurtful, isolating, damaging, manipulative veil that abusers create, in their attempt to coerce us into believing that not only what they're doing is okay, but that we should allow it.

[@williamtiffee3799]

Indeed... And the narcissist cannot "fuse, and merge" within a "shared fantasy..." with someone who IS (as in I AM) a "sovereign being." (Let alone 'dump' all their "pain body" emotional "pain and hurt" issues, onto you... pre "discard!" ;-)

[@eugerobles]

This man is saving my life one step at a time. I am so grateful to have finally found a professional who know how to explain, understand and tackle these issues that have been so difficult to get for so many years.

[@LLLDY]

You are a gift as I binge watch you this glorious Sunday. I am pivoting to a new life. Ty. Ty.

[@poocumber7806]

This video series is amazing. Absolute perfection. 👌🏻👌🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@dorothydeen7623]

Shout out to my fellow musicians! Powerfully speak or sing aloud positive affirmations. Healing deeply now. Thanks for these practical steps, Richard. Namaste. 🙏🏻

[@gracelewis6071]

Omg I'm so glad you explained the part about different situations and contexts! I've been feeling so guilty about doing this, feeling like it's an interruption - well it is! And it's supposed to be! With putting me first! I can't believe that never clicked before - I've heard you say it so many times in so many different videos and courses 😅 ok, now to try doing this again - unapologetically this time 🙈

[@Quarce1]

Your videos have been the most helpful and digestible on personal mental health and how to navigate difficulties. I’m eternally grateful for your content.

[@emp9413]

This is revolutionary ! Jotted down my points did a few runs, already feel diminished anxiety and uplifted, which is a miracle in itself :) What a thought: We are NOT our response! Don't give up!

[@fromeveryting29]

I'm telling you this stuff works. I've been doing this for well over a month now and missed only one day. My alarm rings 11,14,17,20 and 23 every day. No matter how I feel I say out loud (if possible) that I am not my flashbacks. I'm learning to feel safe, regulated, open and brave. My feelings are welcome - I will listen to them. I am learning to express my needs and wants. I am ME - it's my life, my time, my responsability. When I say it I'm saying it in a suggestive way, like Richard has suggested. Suggestions are powerful, and might be even better than commands. Like "maybe it would be nice if I could feel safer today", as opposed to "I am safe" (while knowing inside that it contradicts how you feel). Suggest a movement, don't force. It is not a cure, but it reduces my emotional flashbacks and their impact. Don't expect being alliviated from painful feelings from this. I have experienced feeling VASTLY more safe among people, and instead of rotting at home I have taken initiative to be social. I'm a freeze type. My emotional response to things I think can recejt me is to hide away in my "cave" in total inaction and depression. My inner critics most devastating attack is shame. So when I'm in less emotional flashback I am free to do more of the opposite. Not hide, but be out and avaliable and visible. Not radically so, but better. Always aim for "better".

[@Justeet]

Thank you for sharing this! My response is also freeze and anormous amount of shame. How are you doing now?

[@fromeveryting29]

@@Justeet Hello, I forgot I ever wrote this. I still stand by every word I said here. Amazing things have happened! Be prepared for a very long response, that I hope can help and inspire you to keep going. I did this method religiously for about 2-3 months straight, and saw my psychological state improve markedly. Then I ded them regularly as needed (if I felt a flashback). My problems (or symptoms) were as I said shame, fear of rejection, freezing and self-sabotage in intimate relationships. I felt like I just was alone, couldn't be loved, was a "looser" and it made me depressed, anxious and avoidant of people. Doing the exercises was like working out. There was no large revolutionary moment, but a gradual improvement. The trick was to not get demotivated by the lack of dramatic and immediate results. How far I had actually come became appearant a while after when I suddenly was able to do things I had never done before. After I had done this stuff for a while, as well as be more mindful of my emotions, I for one felt more socially safe. I still remain very introverted, but I felt like I could show a little more of myself, be more open and take chances interacting with people. This lead me to go on a dating app and to go on the first dates EVER in my life. None of the dates lead to anything, I got rejected, cried a lot and felt like it was a massive hit to my progress. But it wasn't! It was a HUGE step for me to even do that, and after a little while I felt more okay again. I got more involved with my passions, felt more accepting of myself, and my worldview shifted from being run by my insecurities, to a more compassionate and positive one. I no longer saw every man as a point of negative comparison and every woman as painful judge of my shameful lack. I saw people as people, and wanted to engage with people to make a better world. Then the most transformative thing happened. Maybe a year after I first started healing my C-PTSD with these exercises. I hadn't done them in a looong time, because I felt I had reached an acceptable level of functioning. My biggest ever point of shame was by body, and specifically my genitals (birth defect). Althought I had come to a place where I was way way more at peace with my body by myself, exposing myself to someone in an intimate setting still felt kind of impossible. I was afraid of sex and intimacy, because I was afraid of being seen as disgusting, frankly. I had never had sex. In fact I had unconsciously sabotaged situations that could have lead to sex all my life. This again lead to more shame, and a perpetual "need" to feel approved by a woman, and a crippiling fear that made that impossible. But after my healing I had simply stopped looking for approval by a partner, and focused on being engaged in my own passions and letting my body be my own grounds for the time being. But lo' and behold, through my passionate engagement in animal ethics, a woman came into my life. A loving, compassionate, safe woman, and she was into me while I was just being me! We took it very slowly, but grew to like each other more and more, and I didn't freeze up! Everything that before would have triggered me to lock up and isolate now felt managable and safe. I perpetually felt safe and like it was okay to give this relationship a chance. It happened to wonderfully. No drama, no wondering what the other person truly was up to. She invited me to her house, and I just went. She kissed me, and I just was able to recieve love! It didn't feel unsafe anymore. When the day came where she invited me into her bedroom, I kind of broke down, cried, and told her about my shame about my body, and she was so loving. We talked about it, and since then we gradually managed to explore each others bodies safely and lovingly. I am now in a very loving, safe and healthy relationship. I lost my virginity to a woman I love at age 26 thanks to this method of healing. I was able to accept my body, recieve love, stand for what I am passionate about publicly and overcome so much of what used to torture me in the past. My life isn't perfect. I'm still socially anxious, but I have had maybe 2 days of that deep depression I used to have since I wrote this comment, and my life is way way closer to how I dreamed of in the past! :)

[@Justeet]

@@fromeveryting29 wow, Julian, that is amazing, what a story! I really appreciate that you took your time to reply to total stranger somethere on the internet. Your story is so inspiring and motivating! Healing from cptsd isn't a walk in the park and sometimes it so easy to loose hope when the flashbacks comes back over and over again and you can't live just a normal everyday life. Thank you for sharing your way to a lighter side, it is wonderful that by healing yourself you was able to attrect a safe partner and the process was slow and stable also that you found that stability in yourself. Kudos to you for doing all the hard work! And again thank you for sharing and giving hope and perspective!

[@Moshka627]

@@fromeveryting29 I just discovered this tutorial yesterday while in crisis, in the deepest triggered pain and it brought me some peace for the first time in a long time. Your comments, especially the follow up comment from a year ago, made me cry. You are amazing and I hope all the best for you on your journey. You deserve it.

[@timweedon2785]

I started this yesterday without setting an alarm and next thing I know I have been doing this everywhere. I must have done this 50 times. I woke up multiple times last night and the first thing I thought was this. My mind seems to like doing this. I'm also putting my hand on my heart and imagining my younger self and telling me that I love you and I will always be here to protect you, and picturing myself smiling. I'm gonna add on a few more suggestions as well, as this seems to be a way to have a reminder going off in my mind everywhere I'm going, and eventually this should get into long term memory as well I'd imagine. Thank you! I'm not sure what this is doing yet but it's apparently activating constantly for me. I also seem to get chills everytime I say that I welcome my feelings- my mind must really be getting some relief from that. Telling myself I'm not my emotional flashbacks too I think is helping me be less reactive. For now I think those two are the most important for me. I added something from melanie Evans too and am saying I bless and accept this feeling every time I feel an emotion. That statement combined with your I welcome my feelings statement seems to have made numerous almost fight/flight adrenaline rushes/pain in my stomach etc dissapear instantly. I even went out drinking (which I know has been making this all worse for me) and yet, I was repeating these suggestions while drunk! I think you found a way to keep a drunk mind way more on track. This is pretty shocking. I appreciate this help so much! I cant wait till the next video. This may be the first step in saving my life- it's doing something... i have been so low lately I almost couldnt survive at all and this is giving some hope. I cant thank you enough! I really appreciate this!!!

[@carospereman3537]

@TimWeedon Wow Tim you moved me with this. Just starting today with Richard's 5 steps and also want to tell my younger self that I love her and will always be here to protect her, and picturing her smiling. This is so beautiful.

[@gelidsoul]

"Creating space." This resonates with what I've been thinking. That it's all about "getting distance" so as to observe reality more clearly (as in observe from a distance).

[@iainbryceland2248]

Thank you so much , what I find most inspiring is quite simply your kindness , eloquence and feeling embodied in your lectures, may you always reap the beauty of your heart, much love Iain

[@katee8147]

lovely share

[@dontbecomeone9523]

I love the word embodied.

[@liabeachy]

Much appreciated Richard . Your the man who truly gets it and helps . My new test is now beating cancer . I’ve been doing this alone as I can’t find anyone in a small town who does this kind of work and I can’t afford much so this is my life saver 🙏🏽👍💜

[@loveview189]

Pure Aikido in action, thanks so much for putting these videos, reminds me stuff I studied in the past but this a very well thought creative system. Thanks for sharing!

[@StanAdriana]

I started doing the mnemonic 7 weeks ago, to get rid of flashbacks from my narcissistic abuse relationship. I saw immediate effects from week 2, but now it's muuuch much better! Better results than what I've been doing in therapy! You are a briliant soul!

[@nicoletalmadge7276]

I've been in recovery from alcohol almost 13 years and I've always said in my groups that feelings are facts..messengers...love what you said about I am my own self section..great stuff!

[@timweedon2785]

Thank you so much Richard! I've been practically dying for over a year now. After a 9 year relationship with about 50 silent treatments/breakups? Final discard with no closure -got instantly in another one for 8 months who triggered me the same way (repeated forms of silent treatment and multiple breakups final discard ghosting) and I pretty much broke down completely, especially since this girl knew silent treatments were my main weakness and she was "trying?" To help me get over my ex. I lost trust in reality completely after that and had to quit my job due to not being able to sleep or eat. Then the ex came back put of nowhere for almost 3 months! I was almost normal again instantly upon seeing her again after a 10 month ghost (except every time I saw her at some point I would cry for no reason), got a good job offer and was about to take it, then she silent treatmented me 3 times and ghosted me again 2 days before Thanksgiving- close to the same time she did it last year! I didnt even start a single argument during this time! I thought I improved myself with her immensely, yet she was STILL treating me the same way! She started one fight at a bar because I said "we both hurt eachother in the past let's move forward and work on us now and just love and care and respect and see how we do" which caused her to scream and cry in the bar about how she will never admit that any of the relationship was her fault at all (one time this girl even punched me in the face 20 times while driving, another time threw things out of my car window on an expressway on a vacation, plus many other fun experiences!). I had no idea saying we both hurt eachother would cause a total meltdown but it did... i had her friends screaming and yelling at me on top of this after her meltdown for extra fun. I definitely did plenty wrong too in the past and have said mean things to her myself, sometimes completely my own fault, but I thought she at least knew she did some things that hurt me too. Guess not! Anyways after thinking I understood her better and making changes in myself, then getting discarded for no wrongdoing at all, (though most times she dumped me I did nothing- they were just usually short silent treatments with her calling me names while not responding to anything I said), I've essentially gone completely insane for 2 months now... I really needed something hope this helps! Guided meditations didnt help after daily use for a year so I need something better and have been scared to get on drugs. Sorry for the rant! Still really excited to try this.

[@kimwarburton8490]

Sometimes we need to stay single for long periods o time. I once was involuntarily celibate 7yrs post abusive ex so i could get myself straight enough. While that maybe an extreame example, i would encourage you to shelve the persuit of love for the nonce

[@dapsolita]

It's amazing how much mental health tasks mirror physical health ones. Practice and all wiil come. 💗

[@carolynspurgeon5948]

Emotion stuffing champion right here! This is awesome. Thirty days...ready, set, go!

[@arashigumdrop]

Emotions Have Been KNOCKING MORE LOUDLY This Year. Currently Participating In RG 30-Day July Challenge. As Difficult As This Is - - Far More Difficult To Not Be In The Challenge. The Challenge, Feed, Instructions, Comments Are Where I Can Go To Feel Heard, Safe & Less Alone. Like Moving Through The Jungle At Night With My Tribe Versus All Alone.

[@serena8429]

Thank you Richard from the bottom of my heart, I cried while I was watching this video...but it was out of relief and joy...started my 30 days today 😊

[@kimwarburton8490]

How did the 30days go?

[@bonnielucas6769]

May we all be the sovereign beings we're created to be!

[@stacey4666]

These tools give me hope. It's been hard to recover and heal when I've been stuck in the mindset that I have these mental health problems...anxiety, depression, addiction. This makes sense and feels very authentic.

[@IExpectedBSJustNotThisMuchBS]

I found initially, doing a similar sort of process years ago (I'm here because I'm still doing an odd sort of freezing) that sometimes the space isn't until after... and I had to work my way backward to the moment of trigger until one day the button wasn't being pushed and I had space to take in the other person's behavior as information and react as I would want to react and not automatically. This stealth freezing of mine has really frightened me because I know it's denying me red flags that I need to wake up to--the silent freeze is making me vulnerable to blamers and shamers. It took years after the last two relationships to even understand that's what it was. I now have some clues as to how I'm feeling when it happens (because it is situationally specific)--mostly very confused about the other's behavior and clueless--and so am committed when I feel confused or left feeling unbalanced, after an interaction with in an intimate love relationship, to laying out what I know like a puzzle before me and talking with a friend if that's what I need to do to access what I'm feeling. That's the thing. Freezing blocks the feeling. So if you're not aware you're doing it in the moment, you're missing vital information.

[@dorothyschumm1842]

I really appreciate these tutorials, which you can watch multiple times and sometimes I need to. I’ve experienced all those ways of reacting to trauma. I was traumatized as a child but also in a 35 year long marriage with a covert narcissist. I’ve divorced 3 years ago and I feel like I’m recovering some. Some has been natural process, but these types of learning also help . I want to share with the viewers something that has been very instrumental in helping as well. I quit coffee.it hyped me up and my emotions . The additional adrenaline and cortisol in my system were horrifying really. For the new year I stopped and it’s been nothing short of miraculous. I sleep better, I’m less reactive . I feel able to respond in situations that before I went into a defense emotional posture I couldn’t control my anger, my tears etc. it happened at work and it was embarrassing. I still drink tea, but it doesn’t have the same punch. For people with any emotional issues coffee is bad really. IThe book I read by a doctor about coffee is called the caffeine blues and is extremely informative. I’m 63 and getting off coffee has been life changing for me.

[@flauwegeit]

A minor change to the hand mnemonic to easily remember it by the symbolism of the fingers: 1. Rule of thumb -- I am not my flashbacks or mental health issues, This thumb is the safety of my physical being, My body, ,My anchor 2. Index finger -- Points to where I want to go, My focus and the index of my hopes and dreams and everything that is valuable and dear to me 3. Middle finger -- I engage in self interested action and will use this finger if needed to say 'F You' , I put myself first 4. Ring finger -- I welcome all my feelings, They're a part of my creativity and the things I am 'married' to, I put a ring on it and own them 5. Little finger -- I am my own independent being, My own self, even if I am small and they are big, That is you and This is me Me'20

[@downunderoioi3421]

For my 45 seconds 5 times a day Im going to sing myself a song: I'm not a flashback Actually I'm busy being great thank you for my feelings for this I need to take My stuff is mine this includes my time From tip to toe I’m on the go Putting myself first Since I am my number one Saying goodbye to my flashbacks My song is already sung ---------QQQ---------

[@helenabela6766]

Very nice! I'm going to use that daily as well. Wonderful help to deal with it lightly ❤️ Thanks for sharing my dear 🌈

[@tommyghetto]

Amazing idea. I'm very creative and I think making my own song might help me to enjoy the process a bit more and remember my five points xxx

[@jadehalliday6636]

YES! 💕💃

[@tommyghetto]

Can't say it has made any difference tbh

[@ElleCooper]

Ugh, thanks again, my new revelation is: MY self-indulgence is not self-care. Others first is a hard one to break when I've been reinforcing it with self indulgence.... Investing my time and practice is a start to self-care that I will acknowledge and feel good about.

[@shannnL1]

Wow..... if there was ever such a thing as a calm emotional flashback, here’s one for me! 😊 I found myself smiling and occasional giggle throughout this. The describable feeling would be like soothing to me. This was such a USEFUL tool and was a total breakthrough for me. (from the Heal the Super Ego course) This saved my LIFE. (alongside the emotional literacy) This brought me SAFETY. I remember sometimes saying out loud with ferocity my favorite one, my pinky finger “I am my own self and I BELONG TO ME!!”💥....😝 Thank you Richard. ❤️ You helped me provide my own strength I never knew I had. 🙌

[@kimwarburton8490]

Thanks for the inspiration

[@eugenemurray2940]

Reminds me of a prayer... 'Lord grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change Courage to change The things I can And the wisdom To know The difference'

[@user-yw9in2sb5r]

Don't forget the rest... Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next. Amen.

[@eugenemurray2940]

@@user-yw9in2sb5r many thx Debora Irish by mode of USA? A fond reply to you from London...

[@user-yw9in2sb5r]

@@eugenemurray2940 No worries, I'm east African and in Australia lol

[@eugenemurray2940]

@@user-yw9in2sb5r oops!. ..thx for yr 'no worries' forgiveness...

[@eugenemurray2940]

@@user-yw9in2sb5r oops!. ..thx for yr 'no worries' forgiveness...

[@haylzeth]

This is absolutely incredible. I’ve set my alarms and committed to doing the points 5 times a day for 30 days. Plastered the notes on my wall. Thank you Richard, this is truly helpful and empowering.

[@emmamountford5447]

Thank you so much Richard, everything you talk about resonates so much with me, I'm fully on board and just listening to your knowledge, wisdom and practices give me more hope and positivity. Can't wait to put this technique into practice. Huge thanks.

[@lalaland2870]

Geez! When you hit number 5, Richard, I squealed out loud. I knew where you were going with it. I came to that phrase myself a couple years ago-“THAT’S NOT MINE!” As usual, I go at things backward but how very encouraging to know that I have at least started somewhere. Thank you 🙏🏻

[@lisbethbird8268]

I do the whole thing backwards sometimes. In certain situations or with particular mental patterns. But I guess I need to be conscious and responsible enough to recognize what IS mine too. Probably I have a knee jerk toward denial of those things. ✋

[@manuelab5593]

I wasn’t able to focus much live, but... rewatching this and seeing the first step... years ago when I got out of a severe depression that lasted for years I said the same thing: I am not this, these are not my thoughts. Only that I attributed the thoughts to demons then I fought to get myself out of their influence and in the span of only a couple of months I was ‘healed’. It never returned.

[@simplylily336]

Man, talk about clear INSTRUCTIONS...Super excited to get to applying it. State management techniques Fifi (Fizzy) In the stop emotional flashback truly brought me joy! Omg! I felt so happy and joyful it was super fun! Had my 6 year old granddaughter reading the instructions..She was also cracking up! Great way to get ready for bed u gotta do it to know what I'm saying....thx again Richard!

[@DaBlondDude]

Part of the conditioning of flight, dissociation, etc is a built-up impression that these feelings are an overwhelming wave threatening to crush me, I also notice. 3 sounds challenging. 1, 2 and 4 sound like I'm making something up, 4/5 make me cringe guiltily (I've put myself last/off long enough I don't know what I want). Over time, I imagine that will change. This should be an interesting month.

[@jarrodmartin2204]

Truth: I had originally postulated the cause of my broken sleep to be the result of alcohol abuse to deal with that which I could not cognitively process; a blood test subsequently revealed that that was not the case but rather CPTSD, and so on this path ( we who are affected) must walk, led by this man! Thank you Richard, good shit homie 🤙

[@CassandraAveolii]

heya! i am a dreamer, but wish to see them realized. sanity reaches an edge at times, too stressed even when doing nothing. feelings are always overwhelming, and life is getting tough. but i'm here now. i am not what happened to me, i am not it's effect. i choose to re-orient myself to reality, with serene acceptance and love. on this journey, i befriend my emotions, and act in a way that is integral and dignified to my life, my purpose, my soul. i am balancing care for myself with caring for others, and i own my responsibility to both.

[@christianclough6247]

Can't believe i have found you at last. Thankyou. I can finally start working towards freeing myself and having a healthy fulfilling life.

[@Successor123]

Thank you for being clear and concise with your very helpful information. I am struggling with the end of everything that I thought was a real relationship only to discover that I was only a source of supply all along [ 7 years of marriage ]. I have even moved to a different country to escape from her but I am still in contact and visit her on holidays to ‘maintain’ the relationship. I am dreading the day I tell her it’s over. I know it is the best for me but the sh1tstorm that I know will follow makes me tremble. She is the most evil person I have ever personally known and there is NOTHING that she would not do to hurt me. I know, I have experienced the abuse of her wrath before. I am just trying to work up the courage to do what must be done for my own sanity. I vacillate between grief of ending it once and for all, and fear of what she is going to do to me and my reputation with everyone I know. No one understands what she really is. Yes, she’s that good at being a narcissist!

[@kimwarburton8490]

I hope uve been able to establish a healthier social group that were supportive during the fallout

[@jannaolsen3557]

Brilliant work! Thank you so much for your ability to communicate complex ideas in such a clear way. Interesting when you hit No. 3 I felt anxiety followed by sadness. I spent my life, as you mentioned "others focused" and know what emotional abandonment of self is. At 57 its not over and you provide hope that I may get to know myself and even better be comfortable in my own skin. Excited for your future videos. (.....she runs to schedule 5 x 5 exercises on phone)

[@cosetteworld]

I think this is the video that did it. I use your videos for motivation but don’t follow them closely. I do DBT. I have a lot of somatic issues. One of the most prevalent is nausea. You simply had to introduce the concept that nausea was a 4 f fawn response and it was so effective logically to my subconscious that I had an “a-ha!” moment. I said “I really like that, I’ll incorporate that into my meditation and I’ll work on stopping the reaction.” But from the day I saw the video forward I needed to do none of that. The better, more logical explanation just entered my mind and downgraded the cycle on all its own. After all the years of struggling with trying to manager my “anxiety,” which my lovely therapist had already told me was more accurately categorized as emotional flashbacks- it just took that one a-ha moment. I haven’t had that particular somatic reaction since, and the others- like unconscious teeth grinding and shoulder tension- are downgraded since as well. Many thanks. I wish I could use this knowledge to help others but I think what works to downgrade everyone’s reactions is different.

[@irenam9817]

I love you for this. I feel this will transform my son's and my life. From experiencing war, loss of loved ones, to prolonged narcisistic abuse, to autism, depression, PTSD, psyhoses (beetween me and my son) life has been... well, there's no words. You are God sent. 🙏❤️ Been searching for years for this, for dacades. Overwhelmed with gratitude. ❤️🎉😭

[@clairesmith4311]

Starting this today setting alarms now thank you so much for this,I had quite a bad emotional flashback the other day & snapped & someone that didn't deserve that so I know I need to be doing something to reduce them

[@Lisa_Fernandezhomeandlifestyle]

Singlely the most potent video I've ever watched. Clearly I need it at a time where the message is loud and clear to me. Thank you Richard ❤️

[@sharyn9922]

This is SO good. I've rewatched this video several times, and started the 30-day exercise yesterday. I've already had several flashes of incredible clarity!

[@pippinpippin7823]

The other day I said to someone I don't know what's happened, but I don't feel the need to help people the way I used to feel driven to... Hey, I stopped being a people pleaser! That's amazing, I don't even know how or when that happened... But it's so freeing!

[@orchidsrising7910]

I think this course will save my life. These messages are exactly the opposite of how I feel, so I’m so excited with the idea I can re-condition myself

[@gratefultemple]

👋Greetings from Los Angeles ...told my therapist about you and gave her Paul Walker's CPTSD Surviving to Thriving book 📗 Yesterday, after weeks not seeing her I found out she set the book aside and ignored my plea for her to coach me thru dealing with the FACT that I am suffering so severely ...and unable to protect myself from predators. (Other than of course wearing the full armour of God 🙌from Ephesians 6:12-18) 🍃🍃🍃🍃🍃🍃🍃🍃🍃🍃🍃🍃 I digress ...Richard, with utmost gratitude, I am jumping in! And I am so grateful and humbled to the Most High for guiding me to you, Spartan Life Coach dude 👊✋ 🌱🌿🌳🍁🍂🍂✋🌱✋🌿✋🌳

[@gratefultemple]

@Beeblebrox One I appreciate your thoughtful reply, thank you ❤

[@gratefultemple]

@Beeblebrox One Awe, I really feel your kindness and sincereity. Yesterday was my birthday, and having Kobe die made everyone here in LA solemn - and I felt pretty odd, being all festive and dressed up, by myself. I went to a boardmeeting for "Homeward LA" (a project to end homelessness that I'm involved in.) I proposed bringing Richard's mnemonic to SkidRow as part of our 'mission'. I feel like it's impossible for many to be able to even have 'the relationships necessary' to get shelter when they're operating with 'hare' triggers like I find with myself. I for sure, need this too! Are you on Instagram? You can find me there under dailyarmour ...we can use the chat feature 🐱 I have a huge meeting in a few hours ...will be offline soon. Godspeed🙌

[@angelanicholson951]

I love solutions/problem solving. My smile grew wider with each one. Thank you. I went no family contact some years ago, before i new about narcissism. 2 years ago, the violent one tried to pull me back in by pretending to be very ill. So, i went over there and immediately called for an ambulance as he did his dying fly act, once again. He was utterly shocked. They turned up, sorted his breathing out, then left. I got his prescriptions and some food for a few days, and left. He kept in touch, so i visited a few times, and being a more stronger natural me, but he soon became demanding when i, who has my own illnesses, was unable to do any more and just did what i needed to do for myself. Have never done this before i went no contact. He got the usual nasty, and threatening, so i blocked him. It was time they knew i was no longer the person they'd conditioned me to be from very young. It's very important to be your own self and show these vampires that they have to figure out their own lives, too, not using a scapegoat, whipping post, tantrums and entitlements for other's to keep picking them up, who they abuse. It does them no favours caving in to them.

[@adiiiida]

This is an amazing video! Thank you! Your style is very fast-paced, but luckily there is a pause-button which helps a non-native english speaker to intake ;) All your videos are very eye-opening and easy to grasp! Great content! Cheers from Finland!

[@kristinzueger8764]

This is just huge for me. I am going to use this to help my daughter with her anxiety about going back to school (also with my anxiety as well about her returning to school with all that is going on in the world) Thank you for sharing this :)

[@dianelewis9458]

Richard, you are incredibly generous with your knowledge. I believe you are helping to heal this planet, one person at a time. Bloody brilliant video. Thank you!❤️

[@robinr5337]

Number 5 came straight for us empaths. Thank you

[@angellarichard2467]

🍃💞🍃 no words can describe the appreciation that I wish to express🍃💞🍃 I feel sad for what you went through, and the world will be impacted by your teachings🍃💞🍃

[@tothemoon8465]

Amazing man, I love how quickly you gave an overview of all of this! Makes is very managable and Not overwhelming. Empowering.

[@titaniumtiara4573]

Omg thank you. I was just praying to God to send the resources, people and experiences I need to heal from decades of narc abuse 💙

[@mandaloolux9216]

You are brilliant. This is so helpful. I thank you with all my heart.

[@silverreins3501]

This is the best! Changed my life already doing it four days, five times a day.

[@bonnielucas6769]

Many Thanks, Richie, for presenting this all in a very organized and clearly stated way!!! I know you've explained it before but it felt a bit nebulous to me. It's wonderful of you to work so hard to present it in such a concise manner! Divine Blessings to you, Richie! 💜

[@DerkIndy]

This is brilliant. The only suggestion I would make is that these seem like affirmations. So using "NOT" statements are not as good if you want these thoughts to slide into the unconscious brain. Rephrasing "I am not my emotional flashbacks" to "Emotional flashbacks are welcome and trying to help me" could make a big difference.

[@TheOnly1brenna]

I just wanted to comment and share my experience and appreciation for this method you taught here. I have been doing this for two weeks now, and wow! I made more progress in two weeks using this than I have in 6 years trying to resolve myself. WOW! Thank you thank you so very much! Hugs! My progress so far has been very positive and I am moving towards a sense of self that I have been wanting/trying to get for 6-7 years now. I come out of triggers faster, letting myself just feel my emotions rather than control them or suppress them unknowingly. Amazing. I am starting to have a real loving relationship with myself, judgement is shrinking away, and I have been understanding myself way more than ever. I realize this method helps me focus on what I want, and creates that conditioned response that I want, rather than focus on pain, which I didn't see I was doing before by trying to heal it. Duh. But, it's been working like a charm, and I have found other areas of learning where I use this mnemonic too. It's great! I usually am doing this for more than 45 seconds just because it feels good for me and I have to take my time and focus intently (which helps get the control pattern out of the way), and it's been truly priceless. Thank you so much again! Helped me tremendously!

[@snackpack113]

Thanks! The more tools I can use to assist future clients w/substance use disorders without them coming to therapy for many years the better. I am not a future therapist that wants a client for twenty years. I had a professor that told the class she has been in therapy for over 25 years w/the same therapist due to CPTSD. In my opinion, that is wrong & not a competent therapist. Thanks for all the new videos that you are doing in order, you are the best!😁

[@ruthycantfail]

I hope you have given that therapist the boot.

[@kimwarburton8490]

I totally agree! Im fascinated by the experiments with hallucinogens I did a hypnotherapy n nlp diploma n used what i learnt to gain alot o healing one night in 2015 in Amsterdam on psilocybin I can only imagine how much better id be, maybe reversed me/cfs n back to normal had i had access once a month wiv a professional

[@martefact]

Your best vid yet Mr G. Love this!!!..."That's not mine!"...... Took me a longgggg time but ...... know what you meannnn!!

[@alexf0815]

Outstanding great coaching. It helped me so much and I am very thankful. Life changer in positive way.

[@Sashas-mom]

I never understood why I was so incredibly devoid of emotions in SO MANY of life’s situations-so many areas. It helps to understand that now. I’m going to do this exercise exactly as recommended.... thank you Richard. 👍🏼😊

[@nyancat8436]

I send you a big THANKS for all the help you provide! So many people including myself are lucky that you share your experiences and work. I´ve been watching your videos for at least two years and I´m really grateful for your thoughts and council. Keep up the great work!

[@magfamous]

THANK YOU RICHARD! No words to explain the gratitude I have for you and your work! I appreciate it beyond description. You are a true spiritual warrior. I follow your evolution day by day and see how strong you've become internally and externally and are able to lead us towards better conscious awareness. Lead here used not in a sense of a cult/dictatorship, but leading by example. You are deeply inspiring. THANK YOU.

[@LW-wg4ny]

I am so happy to find this video, it is just what I needed at this time. I have been healing from a 20 year marriage to a Narc. Recently I have been bursting into tears at the oddest times and ALOT is coming up. My first inclination is to be angry that this is happening because in my mind it’s been 4 years and I “should” be healed by now. I thought I was doing well, moving on, in a better place…there is no reason I should be bawling my eyes out! You made me realize that I should be welcoming those emotions and allowing them to flow through me instead of shaming myself. Thank you Richard you are a Godsend, can’t wait to watch the rest of the videos.

[@mightymouse1005]

You didn't get in this shape in 4 years so be kind to yourself. You survived a horrible thing. Love yourself and take baby steps

[@LW-wg4ny]

@@mightymouse1005 Thank You! That was so nice of you to say. I definitely need that reminder from time to time.

[@michelleantoinette8027]

I'm bawling like a baby hearing tge words from number 5 spoken over me by you , recieving validation and never hearing it about myself before..... i think some of thr grief you spoke of hit home... i welcome this messenger of wisdom not gonna stay forever but not a flyby either. I love you Richard Grannon . Thank You. Hmmm I AM my OWN self ❣️☝️

[@milliefults6442]

This is such amazing advice. For, well, what seems like forever, I have been asking myself, "how do I not become reactive to the thungs being said to me?" Just asking isn't enough and from finding and watching these videos, I feel as though I'm a fight or fawn in most cases and now can help myself because of you and that's wonderful. Thank you for sharing your time🦋🕉

[@spanishsky1840]

Thank you 🙏🏻, I am feeling better already and I haven’t even started yet, just writing it down gave me a feeling of accomplishment and hope 🙌

[@mfgee]

I so relate to your method of teaching, every time I re watch any of your uploads I understand more. Very appreciated, thank you.

[@jennykelter9518]

Just wanted to say your videos have so much wisdom and you’ve helped me immensely. Thank you for giving this gift to us you have helped many.

[@Bxerries10]

I learned your technique test and used it today after a massive trauma trigger, it was fantastic to know what to do thanks for your videos 😊

[@amyp4977]

You’ve given me hope. I’ve been in almost constant flashback last 3-5 days relating to start of new rship/connection with someone I like (which makes me feel extremely vulnerable). Thank you. I am going to do this 5x a day. X

[@kimberleejohnston4614]

Oh my gosh! Thanks for your time, insights & willingness to help!

[@christianclough6247]

Watching this makes me cry, i cannot believe that this information is out there for free ! Richard Grannon i would never be able to thank you enough for what you have given me, the tools to heal myself. Thankyou.

[@sheilamc3420]

Thank you Richard. I think this version is even better explained than the last version. Ima try it now. I feel better now after having watched it. Thanks for reminding me it wasn't really my fault and they wew circumstances beyond my control. God bless.

[@zmazzyhtx]

Woah! As a Buddhist and nerd of the mind and someone consciously working on practical ways to heal from my severe cptsd, I’m insanely grateful I came across your work. Thank you thank you thank you. This is amazing.

[@teslabell4248]

Richard you are awesome. This method makes so much sense thank you so much.

[@JessicaYsidron]

Hi Richard! I love this tutorial! I love your content it's helped me to overcome emotional flashbacks associated with abandonment issues I had since childhood. It is amazing I'm about to share with a friend of mine right now to see if it will help her too. God bless you Richard! And thank you for all that you've done! Oh and thank you for making this free for people to see online! 🙏🙏🙏 I mention you by name and comments on Instagram and I send your videos to all kinds of people who I think can use it!!