Foster contact | Birth parent contact | UK adoption

Hey everyone,
My next video talks about how we facilitated and how our children accessed contact with their birth parents while we progressed through foster to adopt.
Thanks for watching!
Books for reference:
Renée Wolfs
Adoption conversations; What, when and how to tell (2008)
Margot Sunderland
Conversations that matter; Talking with children and teenagers in ways that help (2015)
Margot Sunderland
What every parent needs to know; Love nurture and play with your child (2016) 2nd Edition
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The next video will cover our emotions around foster to adopt.
If for any reason you would like to reach out to me you can find me at the below details:
Twitter: @aimeevlog
Instagram: aimeevlog
Email: [e-mail]

[@bettymartin3769]

Both you and your videos are amazing Aimee 😍👍 we are just beginning the process with a view to Foster to adopt. You recounting your experiences and general comments on adoption in England will be a must watch for us during the process and beyond. Thanks in advance and wish us luck!! 🤞🍀

[@Aimeevlog]

Betty Martin thanks so much for taking the time to say such lovely things 💚 wishing you all the best as your journey through it!

[@messystitcher9574]

Hi Aimee would love to see a video about the first few weeks when your child comes hope and helping them to settle in. Any tips etc that you might have for the first stressful few weeks when placed! I'm not matched yet but it's a part of the process I'm curious about. Also I have a large family and hear a lot about not introducing too many ppl too early so perhaps the process of integrating your child into your wider family how to involve them etc Thanks xxx

[@joyfulnoiseeducation4685]

I find your videos so interesting and helpful. Its in our 5 year plan to become foster carers for maybe 3 or 4 years and then look into fostering to adopt. We have one birth child and our second on the way, hench the 5 year plan. We also need to move out of London so we can afford a big enough house to foster in. That will be next year probably.

[@Aimeevlog]

Natasha’s Natter thanks for your comment and for sharing. Congratulations on your soon to be new arrival 😊 that sounds like an awesome plan, I hope it works out for you and would love to know more as it progresses.

[@joyfulnoiseeducation4685]

@@Aimeevlog thanks. I'll definitely keep in touch. I've done a few videos very sporadically and am hoping to do more and get more into vlogging, and vlog as much as I can during the process. I think the same as you, there is hardly any information on KZbin from the UK.

[@femassafera]

Hi Aimee! My questions are: 1- How did you guys cope with already having a little one to care for + sleepless nights looking after a newborn and still have to attend these contact meetings 3, 4 times a week with birth family? I would imagine it to have been quite tiring emotionally and physically? 2- How was the difference in the attachment process between adopting a toddler who probably had some kind of “knowledge” of what was going on as oppose to bonding to a newborn. Was it easier for you guys and the child? Do you think the “age” factor can make it easier or more difficult at bonding? Thanks again xx

[@Aimeevlog]

Fe Massafera thanks for another great question! It was definitely a lot of work and we had to regularly remind ourselves to slow down and enjoy the moments. My husband took leave of 3 months from work to ensure both children could have sufficient care and attention in those early days and I cannot imagine how we would have been so sane at the other end had he not. To be perfectly honest, I have no idea. Both of our kiddos are COMPLETELY different in so many ways. Our newborn has consistently shown more anxiety around unfamiliar people than our eldest but there are way too many factors to tell whether it is age, circumstance or otherwise. I would imagine age makes a massive difference in some cases though.

[@katierippon6106]

Really loving these videos

[@jodia2125]

My niece was in Foster care and her mum (my sister) and our family had multiple visits weekly. It was known my niece wouldn't return to my sister and the Foster carer hoped to adopt as adoption was thought to be the end goal. Luckily contact continued because my mum (nieces nan) ended up being approved to be the one to take custody and my niece now over ten years alter still lives with my mum and will forever but has normal family contact with her mum, my sister. If contact would of stopped because she couldnt go back to my sister, she wouldn't of had the bond with the rest of the family either but she has remained in the family even though she hasnt gone back to her mums care. She also still sees her mum regularly whenever she wants but doesnt live with her

[@Aimeevlog]

Thanks for sharing the story 💚 contact can be so positive and so crucial for keeping those birth family bonds!

[@jodia2125]

@@Aimeevlog we were really really lucky that the foster carer she ended up with before coming to my mum, was amazing. She gave us her address and mobile and let us visit whenever we wanted (social services approved of course) and we were always respectful and waited for her to invite us rather than asking but iy allowed us almost daily contact compared to what we were originally expecting. My niece is 12 now and calls her aunty, and still visits some weekends and still sees her for Christmases and birthdays and her and my mum are still very close. Knowing you have a good foster carer is the only bit of good in a terrible situation. Even if for you the contact was hard and even if you didnt feel 100% leaving them, just know that now you have adopted that little one, the birth family will remember the fact that you took care of their child and it will likely be a relief to them (if theyre thinking straight) to know someone like you has become the mother to that child knowing you did a good job while fostering them x

[@sineadc3477]

How do they make sure birth family can't 'find you' afterwards if you've been spending time together? Or is that not a concern with foster to adopt in the same way?!

[@Aimeevlog]

SInead C foster to adopt carers don’t generally meet with parents. It’s done through the contact centre workers 😊

[@sineadc3477]

@@Aimeevlog Oh I see! Thanks!

[@davina8508]

Another good video Aimee!

[@laurabowdley8812]

Hi Aimee... just wondering how quickly contact started after the little one was placed in your care ? Thanks x

[@Aimeevlog]

Laura Bowdley thanks for your question! Contact started within 2 weeks and was aimed for a little sooner if everything had 100% gone to plan.

[@laurabowdley8812]

Aimee vlog ... Thanks Aimee. We are entering into a Fostering to Adopt placement hopefully very soon (currently waiting for baby to be born... very exciting 😀) I was just wondering with contact whether we get the few weeks at home before the contact started. Let you know how it goes 🤞🏻 xx

[@Aimeevlog]

Laura Bowdley awesome news! I wish you all the best for your journey and yes please!...I would love you to keep me up to dAate! 😊

[@demislifex4254]

Was you looking to foster to adopt or did someone contact you and ask if you would as you had already adopted? did they have the same birth mum? X

[@Aimeevlog]

Demislife x we were approached to foster to adopt during the matching process.

[@daniellecarr1436]

hi aimee my daughters going through adoption process how do u have contact for baby at 1 year old

[@CynthiaDeMoss]

I should hope it would be important for you as a foster parent to care about the birth parent relationship both before and after court and state intervention decides to 'terminate' parental rights for the birth parents and allow the child to become 'free for adoption.' The unique aspect of the 'birth, genetic, or original parent is that, just as blood is often thicker than water, that relationship, in reality, can never be truly terminated. Now that family tree and/or genetic roots studies are so prominent, it becomes harder to deny that fact from a sociological perspective, regardless of how much of a cultural and economic structure is designed and fostered, if you will, around the denial and manipulation of that biologic fact. The least harmful and most reality based path would be to, at the very least, not deny the on-going relationship between not only the biological parents and the child but the entire family tree and the child. That would seem the clear path of love and responsibility for someone in your professional and ethical position, which, watching the video all the way through, I see that you are keenly aware of!~

[@Yourlife_94a]

@@moon-bean shut up

[@jodia2125]

Blood isnt always thicker than water. I think personally to say that on the video of a woman whos adopted and doesnt share the same blood/genetics, may be extremely offensive, to say things to the tune of a child always having a closer bond ir connection with birth family over adopted family. I personally think that's extremely rude and if this was my video id of personally deleted your comment. My boyfriend doesnt have a bond with his dad. He knows who he is, had him in his life at times, can remember him too, but doesnt care one bit for him and doesnt hold any time of bond or connection whatsoever and has more of a care for my dad than his own. Having contact with a birth family is NOT always in the best interests of the child, even if the parent has the legal right to it. Ive seen children cry and scream and be emotionally scarred by things their birth parent has said or done when theyve had contact and ive seen children hysterical at the thought of going to their birth parents and police have been called to put in emergency order to stop it and let the child stay with the carer because of how much the child did not want to go. Please dont tell an adoptive parent that blood is thicker than water. If blood was thicker than water, and the biological bond was always so strong that nothing beats it, biological parents would never do wrong by their children and there would be no adoptive parents who love children more thsn the biological parents do but that is the reality in many cases