I would love to hear about your experiences. If you left a faith, or someone you love left your faith, did you maintain a relationship? What is that relationship like?
@yassernaeem9353 Жыл бұрын
G-d bless you Frieda Vizel for sharing such wonderful videos and being such a wonderful person. From Brooklyn, NY.
@Robertoamapasuno Жыл бұрын
I am 78 years old from a secular Jewish family raised in the Southern USA. I find your work very interesting but can not relate to anti-Zionism. In Israel I a saw the destructive influence of an anti-Zionist group that for the most part lives off the benefits of Israel with almost no contribution. Where would they go if Israel falls. Use a lot of human services $, do not enter the military, and basically cause harm. Israel needs support for its national existence.
@FriedaVizelBrooklyn Жыл бұрын
@@Robertoamapasuno I hear you very much but I think there are different forms of anti-zionism. Some are more antagonistic and divisive than others. I think Naturei Karte is universally despised because they are so terribly divisive. Satmar is no friend of such antizionists.
@stephenfisher3721 Жыл бұрын
@@Robertoamapasuno I lived in Baton Rouge Louisiana for a couple years and a very good friend told me about the history of the Liberal Synagogue which broke away from Temple B’nai Israel over Zionism. The rabbi at Temple B’nai Israel would not allow any fund raising for the Zionist movement in Palestine. The rabbi at B'nai Israel was a member of American Council for Judaism, which opposed the creation of a Jewish state. Anti-Zionism was very common among Reform rabbis in the South before the creation of the State of Israel which people have forgotten.
@beans4853 Жыл бұрын
@@Robertoamapasuno I think you may be mistaken about them taking money from the government. There are may fundraisers who come to America to raise funds to support the people in these communities because the refuse to take money from the government.
@MissHoneyKitchen Жыл бұрын
I left Islam and converted to Christianity which can be a very dangerous thing. Still to this day I can’t be completely open about it to the outside world (as is requested by my family for my own safety). But my close family members are very accepting and respectful of it, thank God! It even deepened our relationships because I am a lot happier now.
@FriedaVizelBrooklyn Жыл бұрын
So happy to hear about your family and wishing you a sense of safety in the world.
@MissHoneyKitchen Жыл бұрын
@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn Thanks so much Frieda! Love your channel! 💖
@Jeff250lbc Жыл бұрын
Stay safe prayers for you and others..
@nathancoleman7235 Жыл бұрын
If you don't mind the question,why can that be dangerous? do Muslims get jealous if you convert to Christianity?safe prayers and God Bless you.
@Jeff250lbc Жыл бұрын
@@nathancoleman7235 literally a delete sentence to leave it.
@renrioable Жыл бұрын
My grandmother's family sat Shiva for her when she married an Italian man from a Catholic family. This would have been sometime between 1945-1948 in Chicago. My grandmother's family was not Hasidic. Just wanted to share this personal example. Thank you for your work Freida! Love your thoughtful, fascinating, and respectful content. This is another great interview!
@sleuththewild10 ай бұрын
So wonderful to hear a conversation between two brilliant, interesting, articulate, and sensitive scholars. A treat!
@FriedaVizelBrooklyn10 ай бұрын
Thank you ❤️
@MB32225 Жыл бұрын
I want to say I love what you share! I am African American and I grew up in New Jersey there are some very large Hasadic communites. Your videos have taught me so much. It also helped me understand the community I came in contact in while I was visiting israel. I am formerly Mormon (LDS) and exiting that community as an adult was a journey. Keep posting your content I am a supporter! Thank you so much!
@FriedaVizelBrooklyn Жыл бұрын
Good luck on your journey! I enjoy hearing about other people on other faith journeys.
@batsheva781910 ай бұрын
African American Mormon? I thought they don't accept black people in lds?
@bigthangz5489Ай бұрын
I thought LD$ Churchvdid not accept black$ !!!???
@sbug2705 Жыл бұрын
I am a Jew who was not raised to be very religious. Even though previous generations of my family were orthodox. When my grandparents came to Australia from Hungary they became less religious. Chabad Lubavitch in Australia has been wonderful to me, and have been very welcoming and non judgemental. So I now observe more.
@moshdeenotabot Жыл бұрын
The chabad community can be very loving, especially to secular Jews. Perhaps it's because they're secular or perhaps it's because our best go on shlichus.
@sarahm97234 ай бұрын
❤
@lisatakeitorleaveit Жыл бұрын
From a non Jewish viewer I only see love from Frieda and the beauty of Judaism .
@angelabeeler-kardisco1902 Жыл бұрын
I agree
@tamararutland-mills9530 Жыл бұрын
The sense of community and friendship within the Chabad community is amazing. There’s nothing like it.
@michelleshore1372 Жыл бұрын
@tamararutland-mills9530 I'm a secular Jew My cousins are orthodox I call them cult followers Women are treated like 2nd class citizens Whether Jewish, Christian or Muslims What they all have e in common is using fear mongering and they are all obsessed with rituals Nothing make sense It's very sad
@DaMensch867 ай бұрын
Not all Jews are like this. Remember we are regular people just like any other , human and flawed.
@me4acnj4 ай бұрын
I found your channel about three weeks ago and find it extremely interesting and helpful. Your voice is very comforting. You ask all the important questions and provide answers to even the most basic questions. The people you interview are highly knowledgeable. I’m learning a great deal. Thank you.
@cristina_h Жыл бұрын
Beautiful video. I see the fact of bringing their own food and table cloth, and a sign of love: they follow their beliefs, but their son is so important to them, that they bring everything over to spend that time with him
@didid78802 ай бұрын
This interview brought back so many memories for me. My parents were divorced when I was 5 ( in 1959) and my mother left her Orthodox background. She was given custody of my brother and me after several years. She remarried (to a Jewish man) and by the time I was 9, they converted to Roman Catholicism and sent us to Catholic school. I don't know which was more traumatic, losing my father and my extended family or changing religious communities from Jewish to Catholic seemingly overnight. To this day, I still consider myself Jewish.
@kaynewling3455 Жыл бұрын
Thank you for the privilege of listening to such an interesting, deeply thoughtful, and balanced conversation.
@Dev_KG Жыл бұрын
Just ordered his book. I was also married to a Shneur Zalman (also from CH) and as a BT, my experience was that when I divorced, I was to some extent un-personed, and when my kids went OTD, I became fully non-existent, even though I'm as frum as ever and it was not at all the Rebbe's way to write people off like that. I don't have a quarrel with Hashem, but I definitely have issues with "Frum Incorporated," which I feel has taken over Yiddishkeit.
@stephenfisher3721 Жыл бұрын
@Dana Goldstein Do you live in Crown Heights? Would the experience be different if you attended a Chabad House with many Jews whose only Jewish observance is attending a Chabad event on occasion?
@stephenfisher3721 Жыл бұрын
There are many KZbin viewers who make comments about Chabad being open, accepting, and non-judgemental. Is this a false picture?
@beans4853 Жыл бұрын
@@stephenfisher3721 They might be more open loving and accepting than, say, Satmar and Belz. It may also be they are that way to strangers and new returnees more so than their full fledged members
@alizaofbrooklyn Жыл бұрын
What a great interview ❤ as someone who lives between worlds I can appreciate the complexity he’s trying to give over
@leahlw2853 Жыл бұрын
I enjoyed this conversation! The memoirs and fiction I read, on any subject, that navigate the nuanced realities of human experience and show a person coming to peace without the "bad to good" dichotomy Zalman talks about are more satisfying to me than the super dramatic ones, no matter their "shock" value. "We need to tell better stories" indeed, across the board.
@sariahmarier42 Жыл бұрын
I'm only 17 minutes in and I already have so many things to say!!! What a wonderful and poignant interview!!! I'm mentioned in several previous comments how I grew up in a strict orthodox Mormon household, and leaving was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. The guilt, the certainty that I was going to Hell with a one-way ticket, the loss of friends, losing my sense of belonging to a community, and losing the support that community provided. I think the experience can be equally traumatic for the family and in much the same ways. Their fear for your spiritual wellbeing, your soul, worry about your loss of friendships and community, worry for your loss of the support structures your accustomed to. These are real pains for the family too, and should not be left out of the conversation. But as we progress into discussing what we inherit and take with us from these religions cultures, that's something I am becoming more and more aware of in my own daily experience of life. And I left the Church over 20 years ago. But certain ideas, values, habits, etc not only continue to be a part of my life, they literally shape the fabric of my personality and how I relate to the world around me. Friends who have know me throughout my adult life continue to point out certain traits in me as stemming from the Mormon in my genes. And it's because of them that I have been able to become more self aware.
@sariahmarier42 Жыл бұрын
19:06 "Roll Residuals" is a very applicable, descriptive term for the phenomena. 💛
@sariahmarier42 Жыл бұрын
22:44 I still have panic attacks when I find myself in certain social situations which contradict the values I was raised with. Not all, but some. It doesn't make sense, but it doesn't necessarily have to. Sometimes it will be so bad that I have to leave the situation and other times I can sort of observe the anxiety in myself and be completely aware of it, but I can't make it go away. I just have to work through it.
@sariahmarier42 Жыл бұрын
1:16:33 In my experience, those who leave the Mormon community often do so because they've "sinned" and since they then believe they're going to Hell anyway, they might as well go for it, and so they'll explore sex, drugs, or other behaviors to an extreme. Not because they're finally free, or because partying is part of their social life, but as both a way of acting out against the feelings of being Damned almost a rebellious act of defiance, and self-inflicted punishment where one no longer feels worthy of better and so they subject themselves to drugs, sex, etc., not to explore but as a form of self loathing which compiles.
@FriedaVizelBrooklyn Жыл бұрын
I can hear that. We see a similar thing with sexual abuse victims I think and it's very sad.
@sariahmarier42 Жыл бұрын
@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn I've seen this in both scenarios, and I agree. It's very sad indeed. But I've also seen people heal from it, learn to forgive themselves and discover meaning in some extraordinarily beautiful ways.
@4katrine Жыл бұрын
I was raised a devout Christian. I left the church but still have my faith. My church and my very religious parents did not accept gays and each of my sisters has a gay child (adults) whom I love very much and accept. I could no longer attend the church as I do not agree with their views on gays but I never lost my faith and my relationship with God. I really enjoy your interviews Frieda. ❤❤❤
@FriedaVizelBrooklyn Жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing. ❤️
@erikkaelsbury8986 Жыл бұрын
There are churches that accept everyone
@mikeradice828 Жыл бұрын
What a profoundly wonderful, thoughtful, and information-packed interview. Thank you!
@luciafidalgo296 Жыл бұрын
Wow! Thank you so much Frieda for this amazing video. The humble and authentic revelations from both you and Professor Newfield was touching and I related to alot of it. I was brought up in the Catholic faith but have left it behind many years ago. My reasons are many and varied but suffice to say I am much happier. I have peace of mind and my soul is calm. I am in touch with my family and we have reached a compromise. They still see me as catholic and pray that one day I will return to the fold but I know I won't. Looking forward to more of your videos.
@lesliemcconnell254511 ай бұрын
I find you such a loving, forgiving, non judgement scholar and greatly appreciate your insight into your exit to a less orthodox life. I like how you kept what is dear to you.
@peterdalyy3542 Жыл бұрын
Hi frieda fantastic video as usual, I just want to say my son went on the tour to Poland organised by the belzaer rebbe and its true there was no hidden agenda at all my son was made to feel loved even though he has left the hasdic life it was a positive experience for him not to change him but to show they except his new way of life with no judgement
@FriedaVizelBrooklyn Жыл бұрын
I would love to interview him about it.
@maureenj.odonnell4438 Жыл бұрын
@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn Hope you do!
@kleineroteHex11 ай бұрын
You do beautiful work with most interesting people.
@saraj1955 Жыл бұрын
What a lovely video, hard to watch in many places but good. Seems to be a man who has come through a lot and is sane. Thank you.
@lyndaalterio1027 Жыл бұрын
I really enjoyed this video, Frieda. Zalman is very informative and I loved hearing him speak. Thank you. Please have him back again!!
@lorettabridges775110 ай бұрын
Dear Frida, I love your podcast I love your videos very much the thing that I wanted to mention was, it’s not only religious people that perpetrate a separation from a child grown child who is different and who have shut down all communication causing great pain. My situation, which I would like to mention to you happened when I was not a child I was 37 years old. I had a very responsible job and the supervisor of many people, who were my tech people I had also great respect in my job. My situation was that I fell in love with a man who was separated from his wife of 25 years. This was not a trivial separation, but one of long, long suffering. The man I fell in love with thought that I was his wonderful thing that ever happened to him, but the thing is I wanted to live on my own. My parents were first generation Italian and you didn’t leave home until you got married. When I decided that I was old enough to make my own decision, and although sorrowful to have a separation, I was told to turn over my house keys and get everything out of the house that I wanted to take that weekend. They were no phone calls to be made and no acknowledgment of me on the street if they happen to see me. This of course caused me great pain and suffering. The separation lasted for 20 years until my mother was dying and asked for me. So got in the car and we drove two hours to be by her bedside and she said that her mother who is long dead told her that she should contact me. Of course she did. my grandmother was the most wonderful, understanding woman, now my husband came with me of course and my mother met him for the first time and it was all smiles and happiness and I remember my father saying over the 20 years old about then. Of course, this was my mother doing but I was going to go to see her if she asked for me, I would never refuse a dying wish. After my mother passed, I got to know my father for the first time my mother, of course was the most dominant parent and dad just worked and kept everything going. We had a wonderful relationship for the eight years that he had left to life and I don’t think I would’ve ever gotten to know my father in such a close way. I am so glad that I had the love and support of my husband for 38 years before he passed. I’m so glad I did accept the separation and moved on with my life.😮
@FriedaVizelBrooklyn10 ай бұрын
Heartbreaking and beautiful. Thanks so much for sharing. Feels very much like something I can relate to.
@geralynivettepereznegron2167 Жыл бұрын
Espectacular entrevista. Les felicito. Shalom desde Puerto Rico 🇵🇷
@Osaka_Katsu Жыл бұрын
I so much loved this conversation. Was the highlight of my day today to get to listen to. Very informative.
@FriedaVizelBrooklyn Жыл бұрын
Thanks for listening
@naomiseidman1762 Жыл бұрын
What a great interview! I enjoyed every minute. Thanks so much, Frieda and Zalman!
@PKScoop Жыл бұрын
Thank you both, a truly enlightening discussion. I am grateful for the sharing and to have the opportunity to hear the discussion. Frieda, thank you for sharing that you do not like to discuss your story because of the secular revision, it provided me another perspective that is honest and refreshing. Thank you for all you do! I feel I am learning and I appreciate it.
@ffvvaacc3 ай бұрын
Such a good conversation. His students at Hunter surely benefit from such a lively and intelligent professor!
@lindakindlon2383 Жыл бұрын
Another great interview and well done. Thank you for sharing more very interesting content.
@suchamaven Жыл бұрын
Great topic, wonderful guest and thoughtfully presented.
@ydubin Жыл бұрын
Very insightful conversation. Thank you!
@lena-roseorlando219 Жыл бұрын
Always love your interviews Frieda!
@raeperonneau4941 Жыл бұрын
There is such a heroic aspect to people who are willing to risk everything to live their truth. Their strength blows my mind.
@tamararutland-mills9530 Жыл бұрын
I ❤ my Chabad community. I was just invited to Gimmel Tammuz dinner to honor the inspiration and vision of the Rebbe. I don’t feel the need to keep a lot of the multitude of traditions, but the sense of community is really amazing. I just grew to love the people, but in all honesty: I don’t think I could ever be orthodox.
@surikatz123 Жыл бұрын
just take one step at a time. We are all a work in progress
@LizbetPCB Жыл бұрын
Hello Frieda! Hi Zalman! Nice to see you both.
@oldnan6137 Жыл бұрын
I just started watching! Thank you. One thing that I would like to say I think people ask about how individuals who leave are asking from a place of fear. They are deep down terrified of losing the familial connection and thus want to understand if it happens and then how it affects those that are experiencing it.
@mjc63 Жыл бұрын
Great conversation and as a product of a mixed marriage who grew up with zero community or training in either of my parents’ religions, I am “coming back” to my Judaism later in life, although I never consciously left! The Belzer Rebbe piece strongly reminded me of some evangelical christians who hold classes in “straight” living for gays struggling with their LGBTQ+ identities. Incidentally I have known people who met their same sex partners in those classes! Essentially the role of organized religion is to bring people in and keep them in, so even if it is only in their subconscious, and not the “official agenda”, the Belzer Rebbe wants to bring the people back! After all, there is a place for a warm welcome home for any voyager who decides to return.
@0909cxc Жыл бұрын
hi Frieda, I just discovered your channel. I love it. Thank you!
@VioletACordy Жыл бұрын
😊Thank you, Frieda, for the very interesting interviw with tge brilliant Zalman Newfiel. Shalom to you, your beloved Family and wonderful Friends🦋🦋 Violet 🌳🦚🌲🎄🌳🌳🌳
@FriedaVizelBrooklyn Жыл бұрын
Thank you for watching Violet!
@ayrsine Жыл бұрын
You have really helped me with your videos and courage. I left the Hebrew Roots Movement 7 years ago and still struggle with the lost if my religion. Thanks the rabbis who taught me about Judaism I have had “shade” under which to rest, think and forgive myself for I see as a giant embarrassment. I have so much more to say about this but I’d rather thank you. One if the warmest videos I’ve seen if yours is the one with Sara Braun on being a black Hasidic woman. You both were lovely ❤️🤗.
@ericwelvaert4780 Жыл бұрын
Thank you for another very interesting interview.
@VioletACordy Жыл бұрын
😊Frieda, thanks for the very good interview with Zalman Newfield. His book will be very interesting ~ AND YOUR BOOK, FRIEDA, will be brilliant ❤ I am looking forward to YOUR book🦋🦋 Shalom to you and your son and Family 🌈🔆🔆🔆 Violet (Toronto ~ Australia) 🌲🌳🦚🎄🌳🌳🌳
@dyanalayng5507 Жыл бұрын
And this is one of the better stories. Great discussion - thank you. 💖💕🇨🇦
@laurenl5843 Жыл бұрын
Great interview. I can relate to so much mentioned here. Thank you!
@tamarfischer283 Жыл бұрын
I appreciate zalman's broad mindedness and honesty. I LOVE the satmar couple who so succinctly explain their dilemma (" you want us to tell the judge we worry about his eternal soul?"). As for the belzers who help OTD people without (or with) ulterior motives. As a lubavitcher, zalman should know- ahavas yisroel requires that you want only the best for your fellow. Whether or not we help them financially and emotionally, yes, we want our beloved brother and sister, the stray Jew, to come home- that's not a secret. Finally, what I missed in the custody discussion is one rather obvious point. When an orthodox couple get married, the non- verbal contract is that you will raise your children in that community- the one who leaves breaches that contract. I've read of converts who understood they had to leave their children behind- its the prince harry story- nobody seems to have trouble with that one.
@FriedaVizelBrooklyn Жыл бұрын
I really appreciate your open-mindedness in hearing Zalman's perspective. He really understood and empathized with everyone, and I feel the same way. Such stories get very complicated and painful but the takeaway for me is that everyone is human and trying their best in their own way.
@julxie-quitting6741 Жыл бұрын
Another well-done & fascinating episode.
@AlahuSnackbar Жыл бұрын
Its important to note that it is human nature to have some kind of preference / nostalgia in some form for the types of foods and flavors we grow up with. To me this is absolutely zero indication of a person wanting to reconnect to a culture they grew up with. If your parents bring you to mcd's every Friday then you will forever have a sense of nostalgia to those smells, flavors, and foods. Even if you hade the most miserable upbringing.
@susanjaneleitner7670 Жыл бұрын
I enjoyed the intelligent dialogue and learned much as one who comes from a broken family. Sisters not talking to sisters and their families breaking contact as well. It is painful and happens in all walks of life and on levels that run the gamut. Lack of acceptance is very painful. Being isolated (shunned) is not a good thing and it scars you to your core (soul). Kindness, love and devotion should be practiced and appreciated on both sides. This is my opinion and I only speak for myself. Blessings 🙏
@BennyPowers Жыл бұрын
amazing vulnerability and courage thanks for sharing
@jillclark6076 Жыл бұрын
Very interesting conversation. You are an excellent interviewer and choose fantastic guests! Thank you!
@bonnieschechner9476 Жыл бұрын
The topics and people you interview are becoming increasingly more interesting. I am Jewish and love my faith and culture, but am not orthodox. Even though we were not Orthodox, I was raised going to an orthodox Shul. Until I was older (late teenage years) I did not know there was Conservative, Reform or any other way to pray or show my love for my Jewishness. Everyone should be able to enjoy their faith! Thank you and cannot wait to hear more from you…. Amazing Freida.
@Victorialmeyer Жыл бұрын
This is a great conversation! Thank you!
@elizabethlamb2124 Жыл бұрын
This was very interesting, thank you. My ancestors were Hasisdim in the old country but they converted out. Interestingly they maintained a lot of Jewish tradition. For example every Easter the whole family would gather for a week and they would greet each other saying "Chag Sameach". I always remember them arms raised up "Chag Sameach!" and they'd hug and laugh. It was fun. As a child I just thought that's what you do at easter, turns out there were many other things that I didn't recognize at the time. After some research I found they were Satmars in the old country. So this is very interesting to me, thank you so much for your channel.
@stephenfisher3721 Жыл бұрын
There may be more twists and turns to your family's story. I did not grow up Hasidic but we did not say Chag Sameach on Passover. I learned Chag Sameach later when I got older as Israel began to influence American Jewish life. The general holiday greeting was Gut Yontif. We also wished someone a kosher Pesach. I think Hasidim from Satmar would have been more likely to wish someone "a koshern in freilachn Pesach" or something similar. Multisingular is a bubbly young woman who has a KZbin channel featuring the New York Hasidic Yiddish of her childhood. She says that at the end of Passover, the greeting is a gezinte zimmer (a healthy summer).
@elizabethandrus3848 Жыл бұрын
Frieda, I live in Ohio where the largest gathering of Amish can be found as well as Mennonite (who do not believe in shunning). My daughter married a young man whose family is Apostolic Pentecostal that remind me much more of the Hasidic than the Amish. Men and women are separated physically during church services. Women always wear very modest dresses covering everything. They always wear a crocheted doily head covering at all times. There is no courting of couples. If a boy likes a girl he tells his pastor who speaks to her pastor, they decide if the couple are a good match. The first time they meet might be at the altar! They may work within general public, but there are no tv or radio, sometimes even computers at home. There are no secular toys or books in the home. This religious group really remind me of the Williamsburg group. Today's video is very interesting!!!
@FriedaVizelBrooklyn Жыл бұрын
You might know I had a segment on Amish society. A lot of the customs Steven Nolt spoke of were very different from Hasidism and it surprised me. Your comment was very interesting. I never heard of the Apostolic Pentecostals and I am off to google. Did your son-in-law get shunned by his family for marrying, assuming, a non-church member (based on how you describe it)?
@vcrouch6041 Жыл бұрын
I am also Apostolic Pentecostal. I do not wear pants, have a TV, or cut my hair. We mix with society in general. Its deeper than outward appearance, which reflects the condition of the inner heart. We believe in the literal interpretation of the bible. Your hair is your covering, a veil is not needed. We do not shun, but neither does the bible recommend marrying an unbeliever.
@FriedaVizelBrooklyn Жыл бұрын
@@vcrouch6041 Thank you for sharing! Can I ask what your attitude to the internet is?
@vcrouch6041 Жыл бұрын
@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn We do not suggest it under 18 years old, but use with discernment.
@gemmaswain22513 ай бұрын
Very articulate. Thank you.
@jack6964 Жыл бұрын
It’s interesting to me that in addition to the Hasidic communities, Brooklyn was also the home to the world headquarters of the Jehovah’s Witnesses. This insular group shares many similarities with their Hasidic neighbors but do shun former members who are excommunicated or leave on their own volition. Brooklyn is an interesting place! Thanks to both of you for this fascinating interview!
@erikkaelsbury8986 Жыл бұрын
Jehovas Witness headquarters is in Utah.
@jack6964 Жыл бұрын
@@erikkaelsbury8986 I think that you’re thinking of the Mormons. The Watchtower headquarters was on Columbia Heights just to the right when you got off the Brooklyn Bridge. They have since sold it and moved to Warwick, New York.
@liztate7247Ай бұрын
@@erikkaelsbury8986wrong! That’s the Mormans
@sara35ish Жыл бұрын
I really appreciate this interview. This is so much more authentic about the Ex-Hasidic community than the Hollywood versions that to me are too cartoonish. Even though you left your communities I actually find this much more positive toward those who left the community as well as those who stayed in the community. Awesome
@pricekeryn1 Жыл бұрын
Excellent interview. Thank you
@rosalieheller8204 Жыл бұрын
Wonderful interview ❤
@spelaresnik2646 Жыл бұрын
Great as always! 👏🎉🤗
@joemoore9066 Жыл бұрын
Thanks!
@FriedaVizelBrooklyn Жыл бұрын
Wow, Joe, thank you so very much for your generosity! Shana tova!
@pastoral_landscape Жыл бұрын
Wonderful content, subscribed.
@sarakandler1726 Жыл бұрын
Fantastic interview! So fascinating and nuanced.
@Kelsohopeful Жыл бұрын
As I was listening to you discuss the shunning narrative, I had a couple of thoughts on why this might happen besides what you had said. I left a high control Christian fundamentalist religion 10 years ago. In more fundamentalist Christian sects, this practice is wildly popular. In my southern Baptist sect, it was commonly accepted that if you allowed these people to continue to have contact with you, it will bring “ungodly things” upon them. So, there’s often a complete severance. I experienced this personally when I left. Further, In Midwestern Amish, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Mennonite, and Mormon cultures this is also practiced. Having funerals or considering the person “dead” is coming. My grandfather left Jehovah’s Witnesses and converted to southern Baptistdom and his family had a literal funeral for him and the night they had a funeral his family came to plea for him to change his mind or never have contact again, he never had contact again. Often, to keep their places in the community it’s required to practice shunning because there can’t be any “Sin in the camp”. So, I wonder if some Of the outside narrative is being further because many Americans who have experienced Christianity have seen this, and they can’t grasp that someone leaving a high control group would experience anything else. As a exfundie, I have often assume that when talking to people who have left high control groups, they do not have contact with their families, but I am trying to stop making that generalized assumption. I also, feel like in what I culturally know, seen, and lived is that it depends on the level of “sin” committed. For example, I’m a queer woman, married to another queer woman. This was the worst of the worst, so you’re treated differently than if say I had just gotten pregnant outside of being married. So, those types of things make a more convoluted difference. But, yeah, just some thoughts I had while watching that make me think a bit. I really enjoy your content, thanks for sharing!
@FriedaVizelBrooklyn Жыл бұрын
The story of your father makes me sad. You are right, I would guess, about why people assume Hasidim shun. Zalman touches on that too. I do think the Amish shunning experience is more complicated however. I did an interview with Steven Nolt and he explained some of the complexities.
@98823rochelle Жыл бұрын
Shunning is not practiced or condoned in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormon) church. If you know of a family that has done this, they are not following the teachings of the church. We do not shun anyone! Jesus Christ never shunned people, and we are to be like Him as best we can.
@Kelsohopeful Жыл бұрын
@@98823rochelle That's good to know and also sad to know. I know several people in the local who were involved in local LDS communities. I agree that Jesus never shunned anyone, it's unfortunate how people have used the name of Jesus to create so many atrocities and to push agendas that I could not see him supporting.
@susancarroll3701 Жыл бұрын
I think the play Fiddler on the Roof makes us think of the family sitting shiva.. when the daughter married outside the faith.
@charlotter6865 Жыл бұрын
If I recall, Tevya cuts Chava off altogether, but then at the very end, you see the mother (who we know runs the show) turn around and tell her where they will be in America.
@michelemarie4128 Жыл бұрын
Great interview!
@Michaela1942 Жыл бұрын
I'll tell you something interesting. My family has been Reform since Reform started 200 years ago. I grew up eating everything. One of my favorite meals was my mother (Jewish) roast pork and homemade applesauce. I also loved raw oysters and cheeseburgers. Yet, as I got older not only did my taste change but I found that certain things didn't agree with me - like pork, like shell fish, like meat and milk/milk products together. At first I didn't realize it and just put it down to my delicate stomach, but finally I couldn't ignore it any longer. Now, where did that come from? Not from my mother or my grandparents. But it happened. DNA???
@doop25413 ай бұрын
Love your videos--thank you. I was raised sort of casually Reform--yet to this day, even the thought of eating milk and meat makes me nauseous! (And this is despite our going to non-Kosher restaurants when I was a kid)
@melissapollom4274 ай бұрын
An amzing and informative interview. I love what he says about his parents. I think my grandmother would probably do the same going to certain homes. She isn't Jewish but a clean freak. Fyi her father was Jewish but he assimilated to the christian world. It bothers me but I love to learn about Judaism especially the different sects.
@sarah121980 Жыл бұрын
Wow I always learn from these interviews
@1951kvk10 ай бұрын
Freida I very much admire your compassion and respect for your culture in spite of the fact you have left.
@FriedaVizelBrooklyn10 ай бұрын
❤️
@sam-uf2ri10 ай бұрын
All the Gedolim and leaders of the frum community, all of them are very strong in their opinion ,that you must keep a strong and loving relationship with the child that left.
@elizabethlamming4882 Жыл бұрын
Thanks
@FriedaVizelBrooklyn Жыл бұрын
thank you so so much!
@stephenfisher3721 Жыл бұрын
Baruch Spinoza was shunned in an official way. He was excommunicated (herem). Did his parents and other relatives cut off contact? What if Spinoza had been a modern day Satmarer from Williamsburg?
@FriedaVizelBrooklyn Жыл бұрын
Good questions, I don't know.
@psource2305 Жыл бұрын
Baruch Spinoza's community was the Portuguese Jewish Community of Amsterdam. Most of this community arrived in the Netherlands after having been formally converted to Roman Catholicism in Portugal by the Inquisition for a generation or two and "reverted" to Judaism once in Holland.
@ragathnor326 Жыл бұрын
I left the Roman Catholic Church at 15 years old. It was very strange as I had no real idea of alternative religions.
@judystaab71266 ай бұрын
This is " maturity"!❤🎉
@daphnabarak49413 күн бұрын
I sometimes hear when someone was traumatized and it was never dealt with. They turn away because they feel betrayed by those who should have protected them. When I hear that families are supportive of the child and it is important for them to remain connected to them, I wonder what went wrong? We usually want to emulate them not be different than them. I understand that people don’t always feel the same but to go in such an extreme change. We usually make gradual changes. People don’t always feel”t wake up one day saying I’m leaving and then go out and eat pork and drive on Shabbos. There are changes that take place sometimes unbeknownst to the person changing.
@atphoenix202010 ай бұрын
Thank you for sharing❤❤❤❤
@MustIreally Жыл бұрын
I understand the draw to the customs and rituals. My family has been Catholic for hundreds of years. I was raised not overly religious, but I was raised Catholic. I don’t agree with many of the teachings and have never believed in God, but I’m still Catholic 🤷♀️
@FriedaVizelBrooklyn Жыл бұрын
I do understand too.
@MustIreally Жыл бұрын
Big fan of your videos. I will be taking a tour next time I’m in New York!
@maureenj.odonnell4438 Жыл бұрын
Both me parents crossed the pond, I will always be an, Irish Catholic.
@chayazaetz8969 Жыл бұрын
I enjoyed the interview immensely I commend you on all your interviews they are really very objective and like to present things from both perspectives, I appreciate the fact even though yourself and the people that you interview were able to acquire all the skills needed to be able tp present such interviews I still think that you could have done so staying in your community and believing that Hashem does exist and its not a figment of our imagination and by staying in helping the communities grow in the areas that drove you to leave its still very enjoyable to listen to your interviews, I appreciate your contribution and efforts thank you good luck to you
@FriedaVizelBrooklyn Жыл бұрын
Chaya, all I can say is there are many people who stay and make the community a better place in their own ways, and I've always felt immense admiration for them.
@fcohen8296 Жыл бұрын
Has Frieda ever said she doesn't believe in G-d?
@claire-polinadriegen9Ай бұрын
What a brilliant man!
@leenam.4578 Жыл бұрын
My older brother married a Jewish girl from a very secular family, yet she never mixed meat and dairy in a meal, nor ate pork.
@FriedaVizelBrooklyn Жыл бұрын
Interesting. I wonder how common this is among secular Jews.
@fcohen8296 Жыл бұрын
@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn I can just tell you of another single episode that I witnessed. At our annual holiday party in the office, the young man who worked in the mail room, a totally secular Israeli, was enjoyed the good food. At some point, someone was talking about one of the spreads that was made of pork or ham and he suddenly realized what he had eaten and the horror of what he had just done was visible. The poor guy was shaken to his core. And, yes, he ran to the men's room...I guess to try to expel it from his body.
@yentakvetch Жыл бұрын
@FriedaVizelBrooklyn My grandmother was a kosher caterer in Stamford CT, but, if she put the forks in the wrong drawers, she didn't bury them in the yard; she just put them in the right drawer--whichever that one was. My father was actively non-religious. My exhusband was raised more religious than I. I am not affiliated with any Jewish Congregation. My kids had a Reform bar/bat mitzvah. Even the one cousin who is Orthodox (Lubavish) is not a person who pushes his religion on anyone else.
@fcohen8296 Жыл бұрын
Great job on this video and I think what you do is very important and helpful. It is a much more balanced view than we normally get of the hassidic culture and community and I really appreciate that. My big pet peeve on most of the big media portrayals and even when I speak to individuals is that (a) the whole issue is addressed as though the entire orthodox community or even the entirety of a specific sector of the community is one massive group who are all exactly the same and therefore they are spoken about as if they all think, say, act, feel the same way instead of each person emphasizing that it is their INDIVIDUAL experience and what they perceived with their individual insights within their particular individual interactions with the individuals they interacted with and really emphasize that fact. Once one starts to say "they all feel this way" no matter what group it is about, that is wrong. And if one were to do about certain other groups in our society, people would rise up against it, and (b) it is an assumed given that living in the "outside" world is better, more "correct" way of living if you will, that it is more accepting of more things which is automatically also absolutely accepted as better or "more correct". I daresay that if a typical academic secular family were suddenly to have their child who they tried to infuse with their philosophy of education and a certain standard of living and to whom they gave what they thought were the best opportunities in life, if that child were to come home one day and say they decided to join the satmar sect, just as an example, because they find that life much more meaningful and beautiful...if that were to happen, I don't think the parents would be all that accepting right away either. (Just as an aside, I happen to know a family that was Jewish but very secular and all 3 of their children decided to become orthodox..not hassidic necessarily, simply orthodox and one went on to become a well-known doctor. However, the mother never made peace with it and bemoans the fact that they made this move even into her 90s! ) In that last case scenario (of the academic turning satmar), every set of parents would deal with that child and that jolt to their value system in their own very individual way. Some would handle it worse than others; some better. Why can we accept that but we cannot accept that orthodox people are also individuals and not just assume that if someone told their memoir (which obviously is told from a very subjective, rather than objective, place and could be totally flawed actually) then everything they say is taken as true and not just true, but true for the ENTIRE group bar very rare exceptions?
@beans4853 Жыл бұрын
Great points! So much depends on the individual relationship. And the double standard is real! Many baalei teshuva were cut off completely from their secular family, cut out from wills etc and that is totally acceptable. As a side note, the more I learn about the secular world the more thankful I am for the beautiful and safe community we have built
@FriedaVizelBrooklyn Жыл бұрын
Great comments. I think at the core, for me, it's not that I think it's cool for parents to offer conditional love, I just think it's human nature and we see it everywhere. People love to pretend that this happens only in insular worlds but I think the challenge of accepting children who turn out different from how we raise them is universal.
@KyriaNunNuit Жыл бұрын
It's hard for parents who believe that their children are putting their immortal souls at risk to simply accept a child's leaving the only path that - in their mind - guarantees eternal salvation; a path which has served them (the patents) so well and which they have tried their best to instill in their children; to accept that their child is rejecting what they see as the most precious gift that they have to give and the essence of all the wisdom they've accumulated throughout their lives. My father was devoutly Catholic. He grew up in a communist country and had questioned his faith deeply after he was incarcerated, tortured and almost killed when he was young for being a dissident during the Stalinist era, but after months of deep contemplation (and he was a brilliant man; a scholar of History and Philosophy with a Master's Degree in Civil Engineering - and fluent in 8 languages, etc.), he concluded that going back to his faith was the only right path for him and was devastated when I left Catholicism and embarked on my own path of exploration (during which I regrettably also had a brush with a sect, which I ended up leaving and blowing wide open) and then ended up immersing myself in Buddhism and finally finding a spiritual path of my own. It was not until he actually met the kind and also scholarly Buddhist Rinpoche whose lectures I'd been attending and had a long debate with him which led him to conclude that I would "be alright", that his mind was finally set at ease again, so it's hard for all concerned in such stories and I understand the parents' concerns - although the ones leaving do have it harder because they lose the greater part of the connections they had in the only community they've known until then. (Luckily not something I experienced, as Catholicism isn't as insular as some other fairhs, but I can imagine how it is for people leaving more closed communities.) Tolerance is the only way through such things though, and how they handle a person's leaving us, ino, a test of a person's and a family's and the whole community's maturity (and ultimately a teat if the value of the faith itself.)
@cindybrodie9769 Жыл бұрын
This was very enlightening.
@minkagoldstein92289 ай бұрын
How about interviewing those who were raised not orthodox and became orthodox? I am baal tshuvah and it was not easy.
@FriedaVizelBrooklyn9 ай бұрын
I can imagine. I've interviewed Sara Braun. Did you see that one?
@stephenfisher3721 Жыл бұрын
Zalman's remarks about college and partying reminded me of my college years at the University of Iowa in the 1970's. I was totally shocked and disgusted with what I saw. I had trouble finding a group of friends in the dormitory because I didn't drink, take drugs, or have sex. In those days you could drink at 18 years of age. The men's floor would have a party with kegs of beer and invite a girl's floor. The freshman girls would invariably say they don't drink beer. The boys would say "No problem" and offer them "punch" which was Everclear and Hi-C. The boys would wait for the girls drinking punch to be ready to pass out so they could take them back to the room. Many kids from small towns and farms had very restricted and conservative lives in High School but went wild in college. They had never studied or done homework in High School but college was different. They were shocked no one reminded them about their term paper. They were shocked when they realized they could actually be kicked out for failing grades.
@FriedaVizelBrooklyn Жыл бұрын
Sounds like rape - pretty scary stuff.
@karenjunguzza6611 Жыл бұрын
I was called boring by my own sister because I was not interested in the same behaviors you named and preferred spending my time reading or watching TV as there were not opportunities to be introduced to other activities through lack of access or finances. I did end up being on my own a lot but as an independent woman who enjoys my own company, I'm more appreciative of that time.
@jackienaiditch7965 Жыл бұрын
This was a very interesting interview. Zalman is so articulate. Frieda--I'm new to your channel, and perhaps you have this information in a video I haven't seen. I would be very interested in hearing more about your personal journey--of course, only if and when you feel ok about sharing your experience. BTW, I'm a secular Jew, and do consider myself to be an atheist. I think that atheism and ageism are the two final frontiers where discrimination seemed to be part of the culture.
@sandyblack4465 Жыл бұрын
I grew up Catholic and became a Christian when I turned 18. My Dad was a devout Catholic and he believed my choice meant I was going to go to Hell. It was a very painful process. He took my pictures out of his wallet and tore them up and said he had no daughter. He kicked me out of the house. My mother who was usually very timid stood up to him saying this is my house too. She let me stay. However, everything changed. If I walked into a room he was in, he got up and left. If I was in a room and he walked in, he would turn around and leave. For two months - he never spoke to me. This was even during Christmas. I had to move my spot at the dinner table. I used to sit next to him at dinner but he would get up. Then it was decided to eat together but I had to sit one seat over - away from him. I cried the night it happened but after that no more. I was never mad at my father - because I knew he was hurt, believing that I would go to Hell. He finally spoke to me as I was getting into a limousine ( my family and even my friends were afraid to help me be “off the path” (if I may borrow your phrase.) . My father took car privileges from me. I decided to move across country from New Jersey to Oklahoma. So I had to fly. No one would take me to the airport so I took a limousine. I said goodbye to my mother and left to go the limousine and my father came running out - to hug me goodbye and tell me he loved me. He still did not talk to me once I moved. I moved back for the summer as the roommate I had graduated from school and our lease ran out. During those 3 months I never got my original seat back at the dinner table but my father no longer left a room when I entered… and he started talking to me - though strained - he talked to me once again. He ended up walking me down the aisle in a park - not a church and our relationship changed for the good. My father also became a Christian 3 years before he died and he never went back to the Catholic Church except to be buried.
@jmj5388 Жыл бұрын
What? Catholics are the ORIGINAL Christians. I don’t get why Protestants insist on calling themselves “Christians” and excluding Catholics, who were the ONLY Christians for the first millennium of Church existence. The term “Protestant” is descriptive, not denigratory, and followers of Christ in those denominations were proud to identify themselves not that long ago.
@sandyblack4465 Жыл бұрын
@@jmj5388 : I can tell you that as a Catholic - I was not a Christian. I understand what you are saying and where you are coming from - but growing up Catholic- I personally was not a Christian. My dad wanted me to go to the Catholic Church on Nov. 2nd - a holy day of obligation- to pray to saints. Protestants do not pray to saints.
@jmj5388 Жыл бұрын
@@sandyblack4465 So you are a Protestant. No problem. It’s sad that your father is shunning and otherwise punishing you, which is not the behavior of any faithful Christian. Your decision to leave the Church must have hurt him very much. That he escorted you at your wedding is something, because, while they are not prohibited from attending a reception or party, Catholics are not to participate in non-Catholic wedding ceremonies of baptized Catholics. It saddens me to see family members drift away from the Church, but I just pray for them to return and leave the rest to the Lord, for it is He Who converts, but He still honors our free will. Peace to you.
@NoCatStrangling Жыл бұрын
Its important to understand that just as every every Hasidic exit story and continued family contact situation is very different--so is it for Amish exiters! Amish shunning is not universal, and each Amish exiter and their family have a different story. It's disingenous to assume that the Hasidic separation story varies, but the Amish separation story doesn't!
@FriedaVizelBrooklyn Жыл бұрын
Such a good point!
@AA-jh6fm Жыл бұрын
Woman! The book is a must, per your own desire to see more complex narratives.
@judystaab71266 ай бұрын
I feel sad that this happened to him.😢🎉❤
@JRock19006 ай бұрын
1:00:00 Would you not agree with them? If someone was to take his child and change him in away that would ruin his life forever would you not think of the parent as a NOT normal parent? And if the parents wants to castrate a child, which will take away his ability to ever have children, grandchildren… would you not consider the parents not normal? In fact, we would call them EVIL parents! Please explain to me why your case would be different to the religious parent who sees the other parent wanting to castrate their children????
@tamaratamtammorris8151 Жыл бұрын
An insightful, thought provoking interview! Thank you Frieda! I'm curious, have you ever met/heard of Chavie Weisberger? She too is an ex-Hasidim, and her experience in and leaving the community was very negative (I saw her as a guest on a podcast where she talked about her experiences growing up Hasidic, and her journey out of it). Some of the topics Zalman talked about made me think of her, and I wonder if you'd be open to interviewing her if an opportunity arose
@FriedaVizelBrooklyn Жыл бұрын
I do know Chavie - I've even enjoyed the interviews she's in. In general I try to limit my content on the "off the derech" story because I don't want to be that kind of channel. I have considered inviting Chavie to talk about her experience as a beloved teacher in a Hasidic girls' school - I think that would be interesting. The students adored her and she taught religion and faith - so she'd have a very interesting perspective.
@tamaratamtammorris8151 Жыл бұрын
@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn Of course. Your channel, your space, your rules. I was not aware of Chavie being a teacher at a Hasidic school (at least I don't recall it coming up in the interview I saw her in). I do hope she comes on your channel to talk about that experience. There's far more to her and her story than being ex-Hasidic
@FriedaVizelBrooklyn Жыл бұрын
@@tamaratamtammorris8151 Yeah, I have to work up the courage to ask her. I know several people in the community who know her, her videos, and remember her time in the community very fondly.
@elizabethcramer851 Жыл бұрын
Very interesting and informative excellent
@daphnabarak49413 күн бұрын
In the court system, judges do not like to disrupt the stability of the child. If one parent is leaving that alone is trauma for the child. To go and uproot a child from everything he knows is doubly challenging. You take him away from everything he knows. His friends, cousins,aunts his school. It is actually selfish to do that to a young child.
@ariebrons7976 Жыл бұрын
As a person of mixed race, the relationship is an odd one; To the Goyim I am too Jewish. To the Jews I am too Goyish. Despite my best efforts, no synnagogue accepted us. ~I do live in a country where one Chabad fammily controlls 85% of synnagogues~ Ashkenazim concidder my mum and I traitors. The same with the Goyish side of the family. (they don't talk to Dhimmi, Kafirs and Yahoud) However in my family: some (the less religious) are verry supportive. The religious side love to talk about my mum apearantly. The same goes for the Sephardic and Theimani communities. Since we face four generations of discrimination, we have a solitarity.
@beans4853 Жыл бұрын
If your mother and her mother all the way back are Jewish, then you are 100% Jewish. If there isn't a straight line of Jewish mothers, you are 100% not Jewish. There's no in between. Sad that you are getting conflicting messages
@tamararutland-mills9530 Жыл бұрын
I am sorry for your pain and that the community has such a jaundiced eye. It reminds me of an Afro American lady who attends the same Chabad House that I do. God will show you the false in any religion if your heart is his. Trust him.
@ariebrons7976 Жыл бұрын
@@beans4853 I am Aryeh son of Yael daughter of Batsheva daughter of Rachel daughter of Victoria. My grandfather was Pinehas ben R'Yaqoub ben Fargie. (Fargie being a boy's name) Evidence does not really factor in though, can you prove you're Jewish; is a common eufamism amongst Rabbi's. Even the Yemenites where at one point not conciddered entirely 'Jewish'. Lots of Sephardic Rabbi's are angry about it You can look it up: פרשת ילדי תימן
@BethGrantDeRoos Жыл бұрын
Not sure I would say I 'left' any religion, but I no longer attend religious services. I consider myself secular, yet I still believe in God.
@yentakvetch Жыл бұрын
This is an excellent interview. I am a non-religious Jew, but still very culturally Jewish. When I was a kid, we knew Joe Lieberman's family in Stamford, CT. They lived across the street. There were 3 Lieberman children. Joe was the oldest. My grandmother, the caterer at Aguduth Shalom, the Orthodox Synagogue in Stamford CT. She catered Joe's bar mitzvah & his parents' wedding. Rietta, Joe's younger sister by 2 years, married a non Jew. We are talking in the 1960s. The Lieberman parents agonized over whether to sit shiva for Rietta. Finally, common sense prevailed and they accepted the marriage. The best I know they are still happily married & live in Oklahoma. I think sitting shiva was a custom from the shetls of Eastern Europe. I have no personal experience with Hassidim. I love your videos, Frieda.