Friends | David Mitchell's Soapbox

[@Sam-zz7gs]

David flexing on us with his many friends for 4 minutes straight

[@dyskelia]

Yeah. Not exactly relatable

[@jeremygreer4039]

Maybe if we weren’t trolling KZbin

[@TheShortGirl666]

But what kind of life is that, ​@@jeremygreer4039?

[@mistermuso2734]

Let's face it, at this point in his life he's now referring to Lee and Rob

[@mistermuso2734]

Let's face it, at this point in his life he's now referring to Lee and Rob

[@LimeGreenTeknii]

I wish I had enough friends to worry about having too many of them...

[@ethicspiedpiper]

+LimeGreenTeknii wanna add one? :)xxx

[@Paul_The_Spaceman]

LimeGreenTeknii yeah but his definition of too many might only be 5 or something.

[@margaretfly2712]

The Krowing five is the limit

[@Roland5679]

As we grow and change through life we may find that we relate more to new and different kinds of people than we may have in the past. But regardless, having the right friends for you is more important than having a lot of friends. Part of the point in this video is that older friends that you may no longer relate to as much could be hindering making new friends which are likely more congruent with who you are in the present.

[@zapkvr]

You shouldn't they arent really that special. In fact they're probably quite dull. Just like you. And me.

[@themightiestjoe]

This was directed at Robert Webb.

[@redemptionwins]

SiddyFour I don't often find comments funny but this proper made me laugh

[@pinkgnu]

@@redemptionwins it brought a tear to my eye

[@JLuvsTay]

😢

[@SacredDaturaa]

Ah man, are they no longer friends? That bums me out, to be honest.

[@ThreadBomb]

@@SacredDaturaa Don't worry, it was just a joke (as far as I know).

[@mc_kristie]

I think I'm just going to send this to a few people without context and then never talk to them again.

[@danielr3522]

That's a bloomin' *great* idea, why didn't I think of that? :D

[@patavinity1262]

That's cold as hell

[@PaynePlayz_]

@@patavinity1262 Lazy too.

[@Big_Not_Good]

"Yeah bro, hit me up, we'll cancel some plans sometime."

[@AlastairCarr]

I propose the use of ~~~ to symbolise "handshake, handshake, handshake". If you protest that this looks nothing like what an actual handshake looks like, I propose further that you add extra wobblyness to your handshakes. Handshakes which look like sine waves must be awesome.

[@Burton-p8y]

~~~

[@BipTunia_Microtonal_Cats]

I usually say "I have enough friends, but give me your number. If someone dies, I'll give you a call."

[@zapkvr]

You like thinking about death don't you? Most people aren't like that at all.

[@Robert399]

This works for romantic relationships too: "I've got a partner but if he/she dies I'll give you a call."

[@MerkhVision]

@@zapkvr it’s just a joke, don’t take it too serious. Nobody gets out of this alive anyways, right? (The “this” being life in general lol)

[@CalumCarlyle]

The only improvement I can think of here is to have that printed on a card to save you having to say it out loud. The card could of course have your own number on, to save you the admin of having to take their number and not lose it.

[@MrBraddles3128]

I seriously doubt that you do but whatever.

[@SchlumberttheHumble]

"i know it sounds cold-blooded..." *barrage of long words* -David Mitchell, Always

[@pedrocorrea6870]

I like to watch David Michell to feel unparanoid, relaxed and definetly not an overthinker by comparison.

[@looseSpark]

"... and, of course, you've gone a bit weird." How many times we wished we could be that honest...

[@SkateSka]

Even as I am certainly the person who got weird in the eyes of plenty of old friends, a few seem weird to me too. Being weirdly blunt I've actually told them, but that didn't kill most of these frienships completely. A few it definitely did though. There are a lot of levels to this.

[@OhhBiscuits]

This is so true. There's a friend that I use to be really close to only 2 years ago who I never speak to anymore, and it's in fact very awkward when I -do- see him, because he's... gone a bit weird.

[@GMovieSeeker]

One of my best friends from childhood has gone a bit weird. Frankly speaking, he always was a bit weird even when we were teenagers. Only that back then I was a bit weird too but I changed, while he hasn't... Still has a teenage attitude in his late 20's.

[@danny355]

GMovieSeeker I have the opposite problem with a friend who seems to think it's a massive achievement to become an old man as quickly as possible. To be fair he managed it quite convincingly in his late 20s but as we now head into our late 30s he's taken it too far. I am pretty open minded though, so despite the differences in temperement I am completely accepting of him and his lifestyle of course, but he is fairly disdainful towards me and mine, which as that sentiment grows eventually becomes difficult to accept.

[@Aven-Sharma1991]

Liam J Foster: I’m sorry to hear that Mr. Foster, it’s never easy being estranged from former friends. I do hope that one day you and your friend can perhaps reach some sort of amicable reconciliation.

[@sidarthur8706]

something like that seems to have happened with me. i was never normal and nor were any of my mates but now they've all started pretending to be normal they keep me out of the sight of their new normal mates who they'd be embarrassed to be seen with me by. i'm the only one left who's still keeping it real

[@ThreadBomb]

@@sidarthur8706 Yeah, I feel ya.

[@LyricalWax]

"We must meet up in the New Year! or must we..?" Haha hilarious. I feel like using that now.

[@nataliabennett8157]

Did you

[@erazn9077]

@@nataliabennett8157 oh i hope they did lol if not then i’m gonna use it later :)

[@Gavinisso]

Now we can show this video to our "old friends" in hopes that they get the message that the friendship is over without us feeling any remorse. Thank you David.

[@Celeste-in-Oz]

That was cathartic for me - I've been living with such 'dumped friend' guilt for some time now - thank you, thank you!

[@bookl0ver]

I wish I'd seen this a couple of weeks back and saved myself some heartache. As usual, Mitchell is right on the money.

[@IllDawgable]

I can't believe this is from 6 days. Even David Mitchell's ramblings about friendship are still very relevant.

[@artic_dh]

I did break up with a friend once when we were 12, we talked on the phone for hours about how we could no longer be friends. We both cried. It was horrible.

[@pudgywudgy]

Lol David is Mr. Popular.. he has too many friends. I'm pretty young (24) but what I've noticed from the people around that are older (30+) is that they lose friends slowly, as David describes, BUT they never really gain as many back. A net loss in friendship. I asked my friends if their parents have any friends, and I was shocked to find that lots of them have literally 0 friends. Personally, my experience is similar to what David is describing. People go through this kind of thing all the time when they go to college. All your friends end up getting scattered across the world.

[@HolandaChiquita]

pudgywudgy I'm 23 and my parents are just above 50. I find they like to spend their time with each other and their children far more than spending it with friends or other family members. They do have friends, but do not often visit them purposely. I don't know that having a friend has to do with the time you spend with that person...I personally surround myself with people i actually like. I've got around 5 good friends (excl. family members) but most of the other people I know and like I'll never invite to my house. The people I am "best friends" with, the ones I see the most and that know me the best are my family members. But at the same time, they are also the ones I fight the most. Do family members actually count as friends? Because they can count as enemies...

[@cellocovers3982]

pudgywudgy a lot of people in general have no friends but that's not a good thing

[@yusurkassem4174]

I thought most ppl don’t have friends, im a teenager and don’t have any actual ‘friends’

[@samdherring]

Friends are mostly made out of opportunity. That's why you lose school friends when school is over and work friends when you change jobs.

[@marko7843]

@@samdherring I was thinking much the same in simpler terms: it all boils down to time and distance... The time in school or work where you were first thrown together and became friends, and the distance when one moves across the country and starts a new family.

[@samizdat45]

Mr. Mitchell, I think it would be well agreed upon by all those who love your work that a collection of each of these Soapbox rants, and any other rants you wish to add, in book format is exactly what your next project should be. I consider them better than essay collections currently available, and certainly more entertaining than the trite fiction written nowadays.

[@youremakingprogress144]

These days, I just get "Sorry, I can't find a babysitter that weekend, or any other weekend, ever" and I just stop trying. I've lost more friends to parenthood than anything else since I turned thirty.

[@CBeatty59]

It doesn’t get better at 60. Those who had kids can become grandparents. It’s worse!

[@guitarist8688]

This video describes my current situation perfectly. David, you great man

[@kerch-e]

God damn that's well said. I just realized I'm going to inevitably watch all of these.

[@delilahcarpenter2991]

A friend bailed you out of jail, a Good Friend is in jail with you ! 😁

[@andrewthomson870]

I try to make sure that all my friends are fairly terrible people so I feel less guilty when I give them up.

[@pellaken]

I wish I had a friend

[@DMG118]

I'll be your friend.

[@DN-lo9hx]

Teddy Boragina I'll also be Teddy's friend. That's on the assumption that they aren't dead, since it's been at least a year since.

[@supafly0345]

Dan Nanto he may have also gone a bit weird by now.

[@DN-lo9hx]

Supafly03 valid point.

[@trje246]

i'd be your friend if i wasn't so... you know... "weird."

[@rutger5000]

I'm saddened by the thought that my two closest friendships won't last my whole life.

[@SnoopPixel]

I know this is a comedy sketch but he actually makes some very good points...

[@gimmetreefiddy891]

David Mitchell always makes good points in his angry rants.

[@zapkvr]

He doesn't really.

[@josephbrennan9712]

Well, comedy sketches can make good points you know. Some of the best do. In fact it's expressly the point of many styles and areas of comedy: to make good points and poignant observations about the world

[@KyuubiSam]

I've broken up with friends before simply because life took us in different directions and I found better company elsewhere. I've also phased people out before, so I didn't have to have the awkward conversation. But it's a part of life that people need to be aware of, you can't stay friends with everyone forever and it's not necessarily a negative reflection on you if it happens.

[@xr4ch431x]

This video is the story of my life. Though has anyone ever tried breaking off a friendship before? It's unbelievably tricky when the other person doesn't agree, you just don't have the 'let's just be friends' option that you do in a relationship break up!

[@jrd33]

Hearing popular people complain about having too many friends is about as relatable as hearing wealthy people complaining about having too much money. Or beautiful people complaining what a burden being beautiful is. I'm sure *you* think it's a problem but don't be surprised if people don't have much sympathy.

[@whosaidpie]

When a video ends in a rhyme, It makes sense all the time!

[@Tjalve70]

Said by someone whose ability to make friends is greater than the capacity for having friends. I dare say for most of us it's the other way around.

[@bullseyegurl]

I'm in that awkward "in-between" stage, where I've lost touch with my old friends and haven't quite met a new group I liked enough yet.

[@SilasMortimer]

I'm a little surprised he didn't mention Dunbar's number, the hypothetical limit to the amount of people an individual can maintain stable social relationships with. He seems to be discussing it without mentioning the term, but perhaps he came to a similar conclusion that Dunbar did, though Dunbar came at it from a different direction (looking at the social circle limitations of other primates relative to brain size).

[@bronnybonneable]

You can't have an amount of people, unless you put them all on some kind of giant scale and weigh them.

[@SilasMortimer]

That doesn't make sense. An amount is "the total number or quantity : aggregate" or "the quantity at hand or under consideration" [Merriam-Webster]. Thus in my usage it would mean the number of people an individual can maintain stable social relationships with. Also, even if it was referring to the weight, you wouldn't have to weigh them all at once. You could weigh them individually and add them up.

[@SilasMortimer]

I'm not sure of this, but I think she believes that an 'amount' does not describe a countable thing. It does, of course, but that's how I interpreted her comment.

[@icegalaxy1941]

Carl-Fredrik L Isn't one of Mitchell's main personas a pretentious middle-class twat?

[@damianabregba7476]

How is this even a observation if it's so obvious

[@animationreview5696]

I rarely find myself feeling as passionately on a topic as david mitchell, but this one was just so damn accurate

[@tobyharper8614]

Bold of you to assume any of us have friends David!

[@NarcisticGuitar]

How are there less views than likes and dislikes combined...do people just hit one or the other without treating themselves to the joy that is Mitchell?

[@TheShortGirl666]

Imagine having so many friends that you have to have a cap. Imagine having friends.

[@詹姆斯-k2k]

This happened when I was like 14. We just stopped calling/meeting up with each other. Just developed different interests and grew apart. I still feel guilty, I was the introvert, they were extroverted (which can be an awesome friendship combo if they understand why you’re sometimes distant) and so it was mainly them who initiated meeting up, and they got fed up of always being the one and then stopped, and I never picked it up. It happens.

[@algerath]

This man is so full of wisdom.

[@lighght]

Indeed

[@rosebrown6128]

Whether you see your old friends or not there is a question of affection. Love isn’t finite so socialising with new friends for location and shared interests doesn’t change your nice memories of the good times you had with old friends.

[@artistsComplex]

I am very happy to know this channel exists.

[@looseSpark]

So, first question... do you prefer to use the "no call back" method of ending friendships, or do you prefer to say outright that you're no longer interested? Second question... what do you prefer to be on the receiving end of? Have you actually been on the receiving end of a friendship breakup, which method was used, and how did it make you feel? If you've had both, which method did you prefer? Thanks

[@tatianagoupalova9704]

Splendid Mr. Mitchell. Very fun and thought-provoking rants.

[@deBadWolff]

I actually totally understand this... got a 'friend' who lives a street away but the only contact we ever have is when we bump into each other walking down the road or driving the car (no bumps there!) and say 'we must get together sometime' and feeling guilty about it.

[@TheIcecreamGeek]

Don't have that many friends but I totally get this. I have people who are genuinely nice kind people who I just don't click with. How does a person reject a friendship?

[@DendyJungle]

Dara just stop messaging them innit

[@MissFotini]

I'd say this is the best one this round of Soapboxes. Actually lol'd for this one :)

[@AutumnCherry]

You could just change your friendship status with Jill by starting the card with: 'My dear aquaintance Jill, hope you're doing all right. Have a happy New Year.'

[@Antworkk]

This is why my friends are online - if I don't like them, I can just block them from talking to me, until they get the message.

[@Robert399]

The flipside of this is that we wouldn't drift apart solely because neither party is sure if the other still likes them. If you haven't received the official "gone a bit weird" message, you know it's still ok to contact them.

[@caitlinsykes]

I'm currently in my last year at highschool and i do not speak to many of the people I went to primary school with. As soon as we went into the bigger school we all realised who we were and went our different ways. I still get on with some of the boys though which is alright i suppose, they arn't constantly bitching about others.

[@QuargCooper]

There is now a despondent Jill in Argyle who has just found out that she and Mr Mitchell are no longer friends, but mere acquaintances.

[@dgbarton64]

OMG, that's why, "I've gone weird."

[@QuackersMcCrackers]

I like bees.

[@Bullshit_Media]

@@QuackersMcCrackers LOL

[@QuackersMcCrackers]

@@Bullshit_Media I still like bees, but now I love ducks even more ^_^

[@ReX0r]

I've actually had someone say "Look, I've already got plenty of friends so I'm afraid I don't have a slot open for you". Didn't bother me, I was in the same position, but I didn't have the balls to say it :)

[@letsgoBrandon204]

Yes it's all very well thought out and all, but my friend pool dried up when I was about 25 😐

[@Hankblue]

Probably because you’ve gone a bit weird.

[@Bungadin639]

Lol I love David Mitchell - he is the epitome of a man uncomfortable in his own skin

[@lukeet331]

He's comfortable being uncomfortable which is weirdly uncomfortably comforting

[@Whatever4690]

A good friend knows how to give a person their space and own time.

[@jbaines2615]

You can have different grades of friends, and you can have feelings of friendship towards people who you don't see as much as you used to for whatever reason. And you can stop seeing people who you don’t really like, or just don’t enjoy spending time with anymore. Of course this is a little awkward if the other person doesn’t feel the same, but that’s life. And if your busy schedule doesn’t permit more people, tell them. If they expect to be your best buddy then they’re probably worth avoiding.

[@Iceferno]

FINNEMOOOOOOORE!

[@slightlyinsaneFTW]

"Kiss kiss kiss (crossed out) Handshake handshake handshake" I am SO signing cards like this from now on

[@trishayamada807]

I have exactly one friend. She’s not gone weird and I hope because we still chat every day for 20 years that that means I’ve not gone weird. I don’t need more. I don’t have the time and honestly, I just don’t need a large menagerie of people who I will have to spend time with even when I don’t want to; I have family that does that already.

[@boosra]

I cunningly dealt with the "too many friends" problem, by indulging in 10 years of chronic heroin abuse. Worked like a charm.

[@zuperduperboi]

2:26 was that... the lick?

[@toxendon]

2:28 yes

[@zippodbeebilbroxen3016]

I don't feel guilty when friends drift away. That sounds like a PERSONAL problem, David.

[@dascta1990]

So basically what DM's saying is 'now I'm a celebrity I don't have time for my pre-fame friends'.

[@aleifur]

Simple, Practical and Brilliant. Bravo sir!

[@ErinHeartpenny]

I really like this soapbox, I also have friends I feel guilty about not seeing.

[@farshnuke]

Maybe it'd be simpler if friendship was like that on Doctor Who, for as long as they choose to stay within your general viscinity and don't hate you then they're friends but when they decide to suddenly move to norfolk you both implicitly know it's the end, despite the fact that said friendship may be immediately continued should you bump into each other in the street or what not.

[@SilverClock89]

I can't help feeling a bit depressed and uncomfortable about how true this is

[@goneutt]

It must be nice having enough social contact to make friends. I only have enemies, and not even ones worth making frenemies of.

[@derangedband]

its a strange thing when people you used to have endless conversations with turn up at the door and you find yourself in awkward silence after they've exchanged pleasantries. just popping round to say "hello" for 2 hours never quite works out. as for friends "going a bit weird" i can certainly relate to that one. some people change their whole personality and lifestyle to fit in with new friends and those changes make them rather undesirable i find.

[@kleineanna13]

In Dutch there's a word for what David wants: 'ontvrienden' (translates as 'de-friend'), although it's mainly used for ending Internet friendships

[@DanieleGiorgino]

That was the best video in a while.

[@akelly4207]

There should be a friend app. Like a dating app but only to make friends as an adult. I know lots of adults who don’t know how to make new friends and are lonely. I find moving and not keeping in touch regularly weeds out old friends. Then when I abruptly get in touch 10 years later and talk to you like no time has passed you either get it or you don’t.

[@yusurkassem4174]

My entire dms is just ‘omg we need to hang out!’ It’s like a yearly text we send each other, but that’s all it is, just a text

[@rimmersbryggeri]

Very elaborate way of the main theme of the seinfeld episode Male unbonding.

[@Born2007]

David Mitchell, Forever Alone.

[@paulski7307]

Inspired as always. Keep it up! Or dont, whatever you're feeling. Love from Chicago 💙🤖💙🤖💙🤖💙🤖💙🤖💙

[@ReturnOfTheGhoulScouts]

At first I thought he was going to talk about 'Friends' the sitcom, then I was reminded of the song they use in Jackass 'All My Friends Are Dead'. I do quite like being among people but having friends can be a burden. It used to bother me not really having any friends when I was younger, but having eventually made some (who I'm not friends with anymore 😅) and gone along to pubs, clubs and people's houses I ended up wondering what all the fuss was about! That's what KZbin's for now isn't it.. you can kind of watch/interact with people you like without the hassle of seeing them in the real world!

[@ArielLVT]

This speaks to me deeply...

[@esotericed8736]

I like myself far too much to have a long lasting association to anyone.

[@matthewtalbot-paine7977]

If I haven't contact my friends and they haven't contacted me for 5 years we are both letting the friendship go and that is fine.

[@EmmaLouiseMarwood]

I love that, half way through a football match you change ends, half way through a life time you change friends. lol

[@Jeremyramone]

i actually pulled the "no call back or email response' friendship ender recently.. i feel pretty bad about it but if i were to call or contact this person, they would be able to convice me to prolong this tedious relationship and i frankly don t have the time for it. i sometimes regret it a little bit, though, i have known her for 12 years but it was a vicious cycle of volatile behaviour that i could no longer bear, not to mention the unpredictable tantrums and deflections of anger/negativity

[@Roxxi33]

I seem to have avoided this problem naturally. As soon as I stop seeing people on a regular basis (school ends, new job, move away, etc), everybody forgets about my existence and stops communicating with me. I thought facebook might help, but really it just means that the more excitable people keep 'liking' my status. I ain't bothered though; I've got the internet for friendship.

[@TheSequelWasBetter]

That was bloody brilliant. Also, I think one of the cutout people looked like Jimmy Anderson.

[@BreadWinner330]

This is perfection.

[@looseSpark]

Oh and third question... what do you think is the best way to end a friendship if you do it directly? What words would you use?

[@lucy2005rules]

Im 22, and this descibesmy life, Still clinging on to school friends of which we have nothing in common, and uni friends live too far away to be able to maintain a decent friendship, yet i struggle to know at what point you stop calling someone a friend, just because i havent spoken to someone in a year or even two, i still call them friends, Like David says I wish that these things could be more clearly signposted

[@Thomasgould4275]

This is perfect and I needed to see this sooner XD

[@00inthistwilight00]

You just described the last ten years of my social life

[@BluesMan2]

This is an excellent episode

[@silentbob82]

'And of course you've gone a bit weird' David Mitchell, I salute you!

[@derekwhittom1639]

How did I live before David Mitchell's wisdom?

[@swordfish1929]

My best mate did effectively did that when he moved to uni. He only really keeps up with a few of his old friends (me included) the rest he deleted from Facebook. He says it worked really well

[@whydoilivetoseethis]

I don't feel guilty. I just see it as both of our faults, and neither of us want to see each other. I always have to make the effort with my friends because they're all incredibly socially awkward. Anyone who I don't particularly want to see won't contact ME anyway so I don't have to feel guilty. It's always a clean break when I ditch a friend, the relationship just withers away out of sight and out of mind.

[@TegukiSix]

Or, a solution is to simply not send communications for reasons of tradition or routine. If your letters, emails, texts and messages are sent purely for functional reasons ("Are we meeting up this Sunday?") rather than to exchange pleasantries on a regular basis, then friendships that are no longer relevant fade from memory as you meet less and less often.

[@leanneblake4248]

I love David. Cracks me up. Because it's true.

[@elliemayfield]

@derdriui That's not what he's saying at all. He's talking about people you out grow; like friends you used to have in primary school but moved away from during and after university, furthermore neither one of you have be particularly consistent in calling each other, so they don't really "KNOW you" any more than say a co-worker on the other side of the office who just started a month ago. To be friends you'd have to talk more often, but you don't, and you don't much desire to change that.

[@bagaaoglong]

Sometimes I really don't like how you can just drift away from friends like that, seemingly out of nowhere. It's unfortunate; sometimes they move away, get new friends, you just stop hanging around with, you've got problems, responsibilities, family, etc... I'm in Year 11, almost sixth-form now, and I remember in Year 7, I had loads of friends, and two groups in particular that I used to switch hanging round with. Now? I have, like, five real close friends that I can text to freely hang out in

[@ErraticConduct]

2:37 This brings up something that has always bothered me, why isn't there a shorthand for "handshake" when "kisses" and "hugs" have them? I think I would always end off a letter with handshake, if I had the option.