friends (or lack thereof) and being alone | Talking Episode 1

[@mikefisc9989]

One piece of advice I will offer to you is this: do not confuse/mistake your acquaintances as your friends. These two groups of people are not the same. Your friends will drop everything to come help you when you need it. Your acquaintances won't respond or will tell you they'll talk to you about it when they have time.

[@crandonborth]

She finally acknowledged a comment!! I was beginning to think she didn’t read the comments.

[@mprice6683]

This is a great point that is way deeper than people realize. Socially awkward people, like myself, have a difficult time distinguishing between the two. I would have people that I considered friends do terrible things to me. I had to realize that I was just an acquaintance to them. Just because I thought we were friends didn't mean they did.

[@betterl8thannvr]

I dunno, I've had plenty of experiences with people who would drop everything to help me at first but it turns out that they just wanted something from me, were grooming me, etc. meanwhile my oldest and dearest friends all have lives of their own and aren't always able to help, but when they can they do so freely and don't hold it against me later.

[@johngibson3837]

​@@betterl8thannvrwhen you really need it a true friend will not have a problem to not help

[@mikefisc9989]

@@betterl8thannvr Those people are predators. That is an entirely separate topic and group. I do appreciate you bringing this up because everyone needs to know these people are out there and that they will manipulate and harm someone if they can.

[@crandonborth]

7:05 The specific term you’re thinking of is the “Abilene paradox” It’s where you do things to please others because you think that it’s what they want and then they do things to think that’s what you want. But in reality, nobody is doing anything that they want… I.e. “excessive drinking”

[@tabuno1662]

Oh I hate having a lot of friends. It actually makes my mind blown away. So the fewer friends I have the better because I'm focused on quality not quantity.

[@davidlambert2283]

You be you. What a beautiful young lady you are. I have watched every video. Your personality is so endearing. I am sure your parents and grandparents are so proud. I am rooting for you!

[@MarcShelton-dn8uz]

Erika, I'm glad to see you on the couch with your dog and I do love your dog❤ your tan looks very even and good too😊 keep doing what you doing you're doing great sweetheart🎉 don't make it harder you won't do it okay

[@John_Conner222]

Ah this makes so much more sense now. You are way more intelligent than your peers and acquaintances and trivial things bore you. Trust me I am the same way. I don't like hanging out at bars or playing stupid bar games or siting a ball game. I finally had to let go of all my old friends, figure out what I wanted to do and go do those activities and make new, more intelligent friends. Boy was it hard but it took me a long time to do this. Its amazing see you do this being so young. Good on you because its really scary. The fear of the unknown is very powerful and its easy to run back to your old group and dumb yourself down. Bravo for you not doing that. You must be a starseed because the world is dumbed down but you refuse to accept that. Keep going you will find your tribe.

[@gazoontight]

There is such a thing as situational friendship. People become friends while they’re involved with something of mutual importance. This can include school. Once people move on, the friendship withers.

[@victorkreitner754]

I keep in touch with 1 good friend that I've known since 2nd grade. That's it, and I'm ok with that. Erika, you remind me of how women were when I grew up in the 70s-90s. Once the 2000s started and we went through COVID, people have changed. Lots of women started playing games with guys and vice versa. People now look at life as they don't need a man or woman. We've somehow have forgotten how to treat people in everyday society, and as a result more people are now alone. Before the internet (pre 1996), life was a joy and simpler. Social media is a big part why we as a society have ostracized one another. I feel bad for people your age going through this rough time in our society, and it's no fault of yours.

[@mprice6683]

Actually, it has always been bad. Until now, nobody talked about it. It is like teenage pregnancies and self-harm. Society didn't want to acknowledge it.

[@itsROMPERS...]

"before 1996 life was a joy". Yeah right.

[@victorkreitner754]

@@itsROMPERS... I was in my 30s by 1996, most of the joy was the 70s and 80s. Maybe your life sucked, but mine didn't. You have my sympathies buddy.

[@victorkreitner754]

@@mprice6683 True, social media has enhanced what stuff used to be in the closet and behind closed doors back then. Now more people than ever are bringing out the skeletons and being open of there feelings.

[@itsROMPERS...]

@@victorkreitner754 maybe i misunderstood you. I thought you meant that life for everyone was a "joy" before 96, and after that it wasn't, for everyone, like it was a state of reality. But if you just meant life for YOU, that's different.

[@mvpmachine]

Very attractive people have difficulty making friends you are living it. You look like a model you scare people off and you do not realize it. Your bulldog loves you and you are doing a great job on your channel, keep up the good work and your honesty is genuine and it is great to see someone just say what they are going through.

[@jeanytpremium]

Very attractive people doesn't struggle to make friends, have you ever saw what I really ugly person goes thru? The problem wasn't physical, she just didn't related and wanted Friends

[@MiloSpot13]

I'm 19 and experience many of the things you say, I think the one I resonate the most with however is when you talk about the expectations of you. I get questions from relatives like "did you make any new friends", "have you been to any parties", "have you gotten into a relationship" and it hurts to hear that. I feel like I failed somehow by not going to tons of parties, making new friends, not being in tons of relationships. I understand things are a lot different now, society has changed fundamentally and everyone's suffering still from the isolation during quarantine, and I know my relatives mean well by asking these things. But hearing about what my parents and grandparents had done by my age it always makes me feel like I'm a disappointment by not doing things they had done. I don't know maybe it's just a me thing, but it kills me that I'm not the young adult my grandmother thinks I am.

[@crandonborth]

This!!! I’m 28 and my dad’s friend was asking if I still have my GF yet… I told him that we broke up due things just weren’t going to work long term. His response was “when I was your age I had two kids and 3 vehicles and a wife that was a stay at home mom” The older generation fails to understand that things aren’t what they used to be… I can work 50 hours a week and have virtually no unnecessary purchases and still barely make enough money to get by… kids and a family are laughable at this point in my life. Sometimes I just feel like giving up when it just feels like I get stuck in the mud “figuratively” and my life goes nowhere fast… just live the same day over and over.

[@jimmyjazz9014]

Erika, listening to you is deja vu. I'm an old dinosaur from jurassic park and grew up in such similar situations. You are a simple person but in a complicated way. Hang in there 😊

[@leightontherealtor]

I wish there were more KZbinrs that were as real as you are!

[@vincentmurphy6881]

Nice apartment. And, what we see at least, is uncluttered. If it is real, says you have good taste and are organized. Friends are important, and if you are comfortable with yourself others will be too. On your walks, don't worry about trying to store memories. Make the most of the present moment rather than trying to store up good feelings for the future. The reticular activating system in your brain can only hold one thought at time. And your brain only has limited storage. It is working hard to discard unnecessary memories 24-7. Most of us are constantly talking over ourselves. Make your walks more of a meditation. Just let thoughts and feelings bubble up as they will. You will start getting insights and greater clarity. On your anxiety question, for most of us, anxiety is worrying about things that only exist in our imagination. If you are not actually in a life threatening situation, don't sweat it. Just be thankful for what you have now, and most of your fears will take care of themselves.

[@chrisho6874]

Good friends are hard to come by. As an adult it becomes more obvious. Doing self reflection and self introspection is very important and is something a lot of people I think don't do enough. I think it is great you are doing those things and maybe you'll figure it out on your own. It is something I had to do for myself as advice from other people haven't been too helpful for me.

[@Woodpile63]

Us introverts understand every word you said.

[@Woodpile63]

@@VladislavBabbitt that is correct. It was late when I typed that.

[@ZachAttack313]

I’m 33 now and it’s definitely a lonely feeling at times. I don’t nearly have as many friends as I use to, when I was in my teens or early 20’s. As introverts, it’s easy for us to feel awkward when we meet new people. Or like we don’t fit in. Just don’t change who you are. Find someone you have something in common with, I promise it will change your outlook on loneliness.

[@MarcShelton-dn8uz]

❤ that works and it is fantastic advice once you find a like-minded partner❤🎉😊

[@JodyDube]

I was a high school art teacher for many years and I found it interesting in observing my students year after year, how the group of peers you're surrounded by seems so very random and situation-based. In my own experience, I feel fortunate to have made one lifelong friend from that time, along with a few others from other chapters in my life. I look at my former students (I have a whole lot of them) and wonder how their circle of friends have morphed with life experiences. A few really good friends can become like family as we age, but the majority of "friends" become acquaintances with time. Life and its experiences tend to sift out the gems and they are few and precious.

[@MarcShelton-dn8uz]

❤ thank you number one for being a good teacher🎉 I still have teachers that I finally remember

[@AnthonyManzio]

All women today don't look or smile anymore on their cell phones 24/7. All dating apps are only for hookups. Dating is dead. I've given up 55 inverted here LTR is dead globally all due to smartphones.I hate women with animals, with tattoos, body piercing except on her earrings, drinking problem, doing drugs, smoking and acting masculine all red flags.

[@l.w.patchgarage7129]

I just wanted to say that I can relate with almost everything you are saying. It’s refreshing to hear this from someone else and I think it’s pretty cool you are sharing this with other people. Keep up the good work and thank you!

[@cougar-town]

Being alone is just part of life, people have different views, among other things which impact friendships also, there's so many factors at play when it comes to friendships that is why some people avoid some groups due to their views. It's just the natural process in life and it's what everyone does. It's difficult though to make friends with people who don't share the same views, that could be why there's issues finding friends. Just food for thought. It's easy to say one has a friend, but do they truly know the person? also key point here.

[@keithcox255]

I think you have to find a friend who has the same morals. A Good friend will have your back. A bad friend are a dime a dozen! The right person will come along when you least expect it. Your talks make me smile!!

[@clemsonvoorheis3923]

I enjoy your content. I share your thoughts and lack of friends. No one in my life cares besides my father. After he dies, that will be it. It would be great to have friends and a companion. I've given up. I hope you get the people you deserve to have in your life. I find happiness within myself and thats it.

[@tabuno1662]

One of the amazing behaviors and attitudes that you have is that you come across as safe and not threatening. Some women are actually well so strong that it's a big turn off and that it would require a strong person to handle it. You're a much more softer person and comfortable to be with but intelligent. So that would also make you much more attracted to many other men. You have that kindness and ability to converse in a way that is much more lofty and elevated than the mirror superficial football, parting parting person. Parting I can't my. Partying person. I think you're on the right path and I would if I was me just keep doing what you're doing and then try to include other people and it's hit and miss. It takes maybe 20 30 40 different people and then eventually you find those that you can have similar experiences with that share what you enjoy.

[@jameslung4506]

The feeling of having no memories because they were spent alone is something I whole heartedly agree with. I suppose this is just life--"it's not good for man to be alone". But at the same time, we don't have much of a choice. We either give up or continue trying to improve ourselves and situations, and it's good you haven't given up.

[@betterl8thannvr]

I feel this too. When I'm alone I just don't bother to do anything because without someone there to relive the memory with, it doesn't stick.

[@coscorrodrift]

Great video. I like these kinda talks. The theme you kept repeating of "it's been so long" really hit me, i've been feeling v similarly, since like, COVID. So also for about 4 years. I've arrived to a similar conclusion: you definitely need friends. Obvious conclusion to some but the particularities of why I (in my case) got to that conclusion are where the nuance and the "meat" of why it's something I've been thinking about lately. i'm thinking of it because i've arrived at the point where the things that make me feel limited are my "connections" to other people, in many cases friendships or lack thereof. Friendships are so important for career development, for finding a partner, for pursuing interests/knowledge and growing, etc; and while always wanting to be grateful of what i have (i don't think i have 0 friends, i have a few of them that i do love, but i do wonder certain things) i feel like i'm at a moment where I'm held back by my lack of friends that care about certain things (career, set of values, interests, social circles). People are like "put in the work" and while obviously building anything (career, relationship, skill at a hobby, whatever) we're not alone in this world and even the people who most "solo" seem to do it are standing on shoulders of giants. And if you're someone who can deal with standing on shoulders of dead giants (some people are like that, readers, some very practice related hobbies allow for it) then that's great. But i'm not the kind of person whose interests are like that, my interests are way more current-day focused, more alive and way less set in stone. I've made a video about it where i allude to it ("all of my problems are social") Regarding FOMO I relate a lot. I was like you but to a lesser degree (lately I do feel more FOMO, but I used to not really give a fuck ab anything. in part i think it was cope tho) I think because the friends I had then (that i still have to this day) were kinda "the losers" so i would just hang w my friends. Social media wasn't huge until college (or at least for me it wasn't) so I also never felt real FOMO bc I was clueless as to what was going on. I could imagine ppl would have social lives more "intense" than mine but I wasn't really interested in that tbh (never been someone who desperately wants to get laid, do drugs, "grow up" etc. idk maybe i was/am just lame lol) so i never "super" cared, even if i did care and notice I guess being an "outcast". My HS wasn't super cliquey and it wasn't as "Mean Girls" movie, but there were certain groups that you could evaluate on "coolness" and I did feel "uncool" and like I didn't know what was going on, and noticed to an extent and did care about it, even if like you I knew I wasn't about the things that those people do. In college the vibe was similar so I felt like that as well, only that now my friends were more normal so I did do some more "normal" things (I didn't really hate partying for example but to me something always felt off) but the feeling of not belonging was stronger with them. I've also been averse to labels like "depression" etc but lately I think it does apply to me (never checked professionally tbh and it'll be a while since i do so it's just self diagnosing lol) but for other reasons. (My "all of my problems are social" video hints at why as well. "All of my problems are social" but there is an internal factor to it obvs)

[@coscorrodrift]

Okay replying to myself because even though it's a long comment already I have more stuff that I forgot to say. On the "memories" thing, I feel the same in some senses but differently in others. I feel like in general I have a bad memory and time seems to just pass so fast. The last four years particularly, feels like they've gone by so quickly and I don't remember what i've done , like my brain doesn't see what i've done as a full life or sth. Like I "haven't really lived". But that's in general. the things that I do remember are things i've done with people (traveling, mostly, sometimes deep conversations) but even hanging out with people/friends is something that i just forget and that it keeps happening. And there are some things I do alone that are memorable. IDK maybe this is where the relatability fades bc I think my "memory issues" may be connected to the things i was talking ab above

[@MavicAir1]

Hi ! Just my 2 cents. Meeting friends at a place of shared interests e.g Art club, sports team, even workplace is better than walking up to a person on the street, park or in a coffee shop. Being able to come to this turning point at your age is a great thing. Meaning you didn't screw up. Many of us had already created our destination (good or usually bad) by the age of 22 and had to struggle from then on. Was a Dad (with good work ethic) at 22 so friends, travel, hobbies etc was put on the back burner and providing, completion of Education (trade) were the only focus. It worked out. Many people don't come to what your doing here until their 30's and realize they wasted so much time. The world is yours Erika and I hope this channel works out for you.

[@sam2023blah]

human connection is very important, ive been alone for a very long time. and to be honest.. i dont even know anymore how i would act lol.

[@ScottToney-g4s]

This went well. You are a great person. You seem like a lot of fun to be around. Just keep at it!

[@briancclevenger]

I like how you jump in one direction then correct yourself, coming up with a good idea. Keep doing this, it helps you grow your thoughts and gives your goals meaning. I see what you're doing and think to myself, that was me. It just took me picking a lane in life and trying it and not looking to do a u-turn when I thought it was a bad idea. Oh and please save a vlog on that book collection you have collected, it'll be fun to hear that and some of the other parts of who Erika is. Enjoy the walks on the beach, see the surf, look down in the sand and feel the joy of finding a sea shell that you've never seen before. The simple things are the greatest. And don't forget the book collection idea, please. I wrote you an email and hope one day you find the time to go thru all your fan mail. lol Take care Erika, be safe and smile!

[@cicicave1279]

Honestly, I was the exact same way. I had 1 friend who would occasionally invite my to her church growing up which was fun tbh. But then long-story short: she verbally bullied me jr. year in high school & had later apologized for it. Back in about 2015 or so, I met a co-worker who became 1 of my best friends. And she was another friend of mine who would actually invite me to like small parties & I was never peer-pressured into it, her family didn't drink much to my knowledge, & everyone was responsible about it too when they did choose to drink. I do understand everyone has their own lives to live & moves forward w/them, but I miss her and her family so much. But with some of my friends, I was never really invited to anything or due to certain events and maybe other factors that have occurred throughout my life esp. my adulthood-I admit that I have rejected invitations before. But I did go the parties I had been invited to. And 1 friendship of mine didn't really last very long b/c she wanted everything to be *HER* way All the time w/me where she literally Refused to Understand it from my Perspective/POV. Given, I'm not a bar-hopper, but she is def. an underage bar-hopper and did everything at night time & I actually Had *tried* for her, but she never did the same for me one bit. She would make plans w/me during the daytime, but then constantly cancel at the last minute making up lies. When I finally Stood up to her & told her the downright truth after she told me she "didn't like me" for absolutely no reason, basically...she only ended it w/me b/c she was *mad* that I wasn't doing what *SHE* wanted me to do & that includes her wanting me to quit a job I had just been in for 2 months for something that would have been much further away & when I refused to leave a job I just got hired at that's 50x closer, she got very upset by it (the whole job thing is no doubt 1 of the main reasons she ended it w/me). Given, I do not know how she is managing to get into bars though as someone who is actually under-age unless it's an 18+ club or something like that. That girl wouldn't even listen to me & it only lasted like abt maybe 2 months maybe barely even that. She even told me that some of her friends in school left her-considering that I saw her true side-this is prob. the exact same reason those particular friends of hers left her friendship.

[@laus9953]

the behaviour of that girl sounds like pure narcissistic behaviour. there is a lot of narcissism in society, it's so psychologically poisonous. I think many "groups of friends" are just bunches of narcissists who live off each other's attention.

[@cicicave1279]

@@laus9953 Yeah, we're not friends anymore. I literally told her "no," 3x about the job she offered to me b/c she knew I loved kids which I still do, but I wasn't going to quit a job that I had just began. Basically, the minute I told her "no," & had been brutally honest w/her, she blocked me. And a while back, I attended a night event w/her and 1 of her friends & I never intend to do this, but I do have a tendency to wander off which I should have informed them of. They did say: "let's get closer," so I took that literally & actually got closer. Then, she blamed me for him blocking her - and my mom was like, "that wasn't the reason he blocked her." And after learning how she truly is, it actually means She did something that made him block her. She told me he did enjoy hanging out w/me since I "kept the conversation going." It wouldn't surprise me if she said or might have done something at the event we attended after I didn't mean to wander off the way I had done so in. If my mom and I are grocery shopping together, I'll wander off all the time and then she'll be like: "where are you?" I never intend to wander off, but I do lol. Also, I've never shopped at the mall in a group before, but if I were to do that, we'd stick together for like a min. or so and if I disappeared, the group would prob. be like: "where'd she go?" I remember doing this once or twice in a gift shop to my dad's side of the family. My dad and a couple others were already at checkout & they were like: "Courtney, hurry up and pick something. We're about to leave." 🤣. So I had to be quick, but I think I found 3 little like souvenior items which I did have my own $ to pay for it, but my dad was nice enough to pay for it for me.

[@BIGM-gg9ln]

Do whatever you want, go places, do things, meet people. Don't worry, you'll be fine. I've been alone my whole life and I'm very happy.

[@MarcShelton-dn8uz]

❤ that's great advice🎉 but I hope you're not alone because no one wants to be with you❤😊 but it's your choice I think people should be with other people🎉 but they need to be like-minded

[@LTPottenger]

I have lots of friends. So many friends. (cries into pillow)

[@rubberdee007]

Remember you cannot change the people around you .....and you can always change the people around you.

[@MarcShelton-dn8uz]

❤ yes you can change people's minds by planting a seed🎉 but it's easier just to find like-minded people you will draw them to you if you're true to yourself❤😊

[@razzberrylogic]

Erika: I don’t have any friends Kiwi: Hello? I’m right here.

[@tabuno1662]

You're really putting a lot of pressure on yourself. That's actually creating anxiety at least in my mind. You're doing great. Just keep it up and your KZbin's are amazing I wish I could do what you're doing. You have a very easy to look at and fascinating authentic real life almost diary journal video thingy going on here. It's almost like you're talking to the person who was watching it. You are very just well real.

[@mitchducky962]

I when I will support you and your best way 🙏🏾💕

[@haileydesprez1590]

I love who you are so much. Such a beautiful soul and just perfect

[@JohnSmith-bq6nf]

Stunning

[@realBkay]

Keep ‘em coming girl. U’ve got 14,000+ ppl waiting hear what u’ll come up w/next.

[@zainredding3476]

You are right, friends are important because humans are social creatures. We need social contact. We need other people to see us to understand who we are. SO annoying.How do you find meaning in your life? How will YOU find meaning in your life.

[@lukekao8136]

I never did that. I didn't care what they thought. I just stay under the radar and studied really hard became a doctor, was in private practice for a long time then retired. :)

[@andrewkarppinen4348]

I get what you are saying. Doesn't matter if it comes out sounding disjointed. Feelings are not easy to describe and are sometimes multi layered anyway. You have plenty of time. Not sure what you do for work so not sure how much people contact happens there. I see lots of books behind you. Join an in person book club maybe? Today it's much harder to meet people. People stay home alt, shop online and never really get out or they stay glued to looking at their phones even in public. If you want to meet people with similar interests you need to go places where they will be. Food festivals, cooking classes etc. I think you are doing a good job of sorting it out mentally just got to go with your level of motivation at the time.

[@jargraroch3000]

Well, you're not THAT alone -- 14.1K subscribers are here with you 😂

[@SpecialMarco]

Hi, Erika! I perfectly understand you because I think the same way. Being out of the pack is not easy but you mustn't change yourself to fit in with the crowd. It will be more difficult but you'll find people that appreciate your uniqueness: I'm totally sure about this. Drawing up a list of "to-do things" will certainly help. Don't be sad: good things happen when you don't expect them. A big hug and positive thoughts from Italy. Stay safe and take care.

[@drone-66]

Gottttttttt Damd this girl is Hot!!!! Omg Erika you are fire🔥🔥🔥🔥. I tell you this when or if you do go out your goons get a lot of attention 👍

[@someblokeontheinternet]

As someone who enjoys their own company, I fully sympathize with what your struggles - finding friends is difficult. I've never really enjoyed big parties, I don't particularly enjoy drinking, I find introducing myself and breaking into another group difficult. You will need to find something you enjoy doing and friendships will come naturally (but not instantly) - join a book club, go to a small church, find someone who walks their dog at the same time, join a cooking class, sign up for tennis lessons, do some volunteering - ideal if you are going to share an experience with others doing the same. If it feels right, latch on to one or two people you identify with and ask them if they want to go for a coffee or something - it may or may not be the start of a friendship, but there is only one way to find out!

[@MarcShelton-dn8uz]

❤ that's good advice but it varies for each person and what their personalities are

[@alpeach9480]

What a brilliant episode, from a highly intelligent young woman. Erika, you rock !!

[@ItsLookingUp]

Memories are made when you share time with someone else. There is something wrong with all of us. It comes down to how you adjust and address the issues. I'm pleased to hear you don't think medication is the way to address issues. The best way to start a conversation is to offer a compliment to a stranger. When you offer a compliment, ask a question. For example, "I love your sandals. May I ask where you got them?" Or, "Your dog is so cute! What is their name?" Hang in there! Your videos are so entertaining!

[@mprice6683]

Medication is always the answer, but it sometimes answers a lot of questions. We give out way too much medication and rely on it, but without medication I would be a hyperactive, anxious mess.

[@ItsLookingUp]

@@mprice6683 Stay on your meds. You obviously need them.

[@mprice6683]

@@ItsLookingUp Was that an insult? I am extremely successful, have a wonderful wife and daughter and have got past a lot of the problems Erika is going through with the help of them. Yes, the whole medical industry is a scam and they are trying to make money by prescribing medicine to everyone who doesn't need it, but there are people who do. I think Erika is one of them. Judging by your comment, you definitely need something to calm you down.

[@EdwardWilhelmPras-ik8vq]

A beautiful day and a beautiful weekend 🌸

[@haileydesprez1590]

Those people who say you need medication, help, therapy, etc. are just jealous of your self awareness and courage to take on life as authentically you! Most people just settle

[@williambell3410]

My psychologist has told me that in her experience talking with the majority of those she councils as a profession . The reality in life is for most people are just like you and few people in today's modern American culture really don't have real friends. They have are what would be more acurately termed acquaintances or associations. William

[@CarlVitale]

It's a very common problem right now a lot of people are bored and don't know what to do with themselves. You got a nice dog that gives you a reason to go out for a walk you could take him out and buy him a bacon cheeseburger, probably make his day. I wish I could have a dog. I think if I were you, I might take a jazz dance class I would schedule certain days of the week and keep the appointments. If not jazz maybe ballet or Judo or fencing, these are all good skills to have . Take up something challenging and focus on improving your capability in the chosen skill. Become a serious dancer martial artist or sword fighter. I think that might be fun. Concentrate on a healthy activity and you can put yourself in the company of other people, not necessarily to socialize but more as a recreational activity with strangers doing stuff together after a week or so you might realize that there's some good chemistry there. Commit to a short course and if you like it stay with it and if you don't like it at least it's a little diversion.

[@isaac_shelton]

better no friends than the wrong friends

[@MichaelKelly-eg6jo]

I think you're on the right track. Sometimes, just talking it out is very helpful, and it can set you on your way to further improvement.

[@frankjansson7563]

Something i would recommend is to first find out what you like to do, listen to... things that counts in social gatherings. And please, dont listen to what's "normal". Normal don't exists... Until you know who you are, what you like, what you NEED (most importantly). ... People are sooo focused on putting "names" on everything, depression, anxiety. What its called don't help anyone... well, maybe a doctor ^^. I'm a late diagnosed ADHD / Autism individual who didn't know who i was before the age of 30. I'm still learning who i am. I only include that because if you ain't got the right diagnose and experience people don't believe in you😂. The one thing i struggled for and still struggling with is my own worth. That's why, "what you need" is sooo important. And to value yourself by communicating that. I think you are really brave. Speaking so open with a camera... that good know how many people have seen, will see. And i think that just speaking... is good for you(im not pretending to know how or what you feel, i can only reflect on what i see and hear^^). I know the feeling of not being able to speak openly. Not being heard... called strange and... yeah. so... Forget "normal". Get to know your likes, wants and most importantly needs. If an individual does not respect those fundamental things... They don't (deserve) your friendship. Comment on my comment if you want more random words from a random mix of atoms and energy ^^. You are truly brave

[@decade_of_dust8810]

Loneliness is an opportunity to find yourself-Bruse LEE.

[@yankeetango]

I'm not an introvert, but I am a loner and cherish my alone time. I'm happy to involve myself in social activities on occasion and have no issue interacting with others including strangers, but before too long, I'm ready to retreat back to being my own company. You, however, seem a little more socially awkward. Perhaps it's a matter of being too much in your own head and overthinking your interactions when around others. You're attractive, intelligent - and judging from all those books, well-read, so just be yourself and live in the moment. Don't think so much and try to anticipate, just focus on really listening to what others are saying in a conversation and react naturally and you'll do fine.

[@simonjandrell5897]

gotta admit though u look like a supermodel

[@iampuzzleman282]

We all die alone and then we try to fill in what happens before that occurs. Everybody's an opportunist in this world and they will take advantage of you. My guess is no one ever really out why people are the way they are

[@Jet1990]

I am happy you share this!It helps me to know I am not the only one who feels this way! not only man but girls have these issues too! It is hard to create deep bonds with people! Even I have a best friend! I know it is important to have friends and people to share memories that’s how relationship are made! Maybe because we are different from the flow, we don’t get to find friends who share same interest! And maybe we are busy doing something else! But thanks Erika for sharing this!🤍👍😊

[@lockedonlaw]

Friends are people who have common interests or common goals. You've done a lot of different things on your channel. What are you truly passionate about? It's hard to find people who will try anything. You're more likely to find people who will become friends by doing what you love. There will be other people doing the same thing because they love it. Apropos of absolutely nothing else, you have model's legs. Expect comments about them.

[@zaynevanday142]

This woman is showing nothing but red flags 🚩 start running men 😂😂😂

[@jeanytpremium]

She probably was stuck up and she felt she was somewhat wiser than people her age which lead to her not wanting connections. But she is willing to improve and change that which is very admirable.

[@captainchristianguy3307]

I'm just an outside observer so don't take what I say as wrong or mean, it's really coming from a place of experience. I'm old now in my 40s. When I was younger I had a ton of friends. We would go to New York City and Philadelphia to go skateboarding it was really nice! That was back when it wouldn't ruin someone financially to do it. Anyway. What ended up happening was everyone sort of went their separate ways some for better and a lot for worse. At least a quarter of them are dead now. The majority of them turned evil and just kinda tried to suck the money and life force out of everyone with stability. It was an awful experience. They got wrapped up in the party scene drinking/drugs etc. I'm guilty of that as well but today? I have very few friends. The few I have are genuine. If you're not into drinking by all means don't do it! You'll be a better happier person for it. My best honest advice is find something you love doing and you'll find friends with similar interests. If you can't find anything you know you like try everything! Bowling, sky diving, rock climbing, something physical and positive. Either way I think you'll be ok. You may feel like a loser but really you've already won.

[@MarcShelton-dn8uz]

❤ yes I'm 59 and I have had thousands of friends in my lifetime❤😮😊 I'm a drummer and an artist and a renaissance man of sorts😊 I've known so many people and done so many different things in 59 years😮 anyway at this age I only need one perfect friend❤ the rest I just see is acquaintances😊❤ and I only will spend time with people who are like-minded

[@tabuno1662]

No you've done a lot of things that I have never even done a 68 years. So I think you should pet yourself in the back and be able to use all these experiences and meet other people who share those interests and maybe all to find somebody who actually you want only do with that one person that special one person❤

[@Simwith]

I'm glad we,'re talking

[@jaybower577]

Erika, you have a mindset that is so mature for your age! There is nothing wrong with not desiring to be a party-girl drunk or to engage in undesired behavior simply to "fit in" or be accepted by the group. Having someone to share memories and moments with does make them stronger and more vivid. Also, being comfortable alone with yourself does not mean you never feel loneliness. The two are different emotions.

[@CarlForgey]

It sounds like you're not depressed, you're lonely. It's okay to have feelings, and it's okay to be sad about being alone. It sounds like the help you need is about being socially awkward or social anxiety. You can probably get counciling for that, but the best cure is just to talk to people.

[@johnhaller5851]

Nothing like going to a restaurant, saying party of one, and they seat you in the bar.

[@tabuno1662]

When you're able to share your precious moments with another person who shares your same beliefs and values you actually get to relive and actually to experience the same memories even in more depth and get more contrast that will allow you to remember the amazing shared experiences that you had and you can actually learn something even more from the experiences. It's a great way for validation from another person so that you feel that what you did was important.

[@dancacciatore]

Your videos show up from time to time on the right side of the KZbin page and this self-exploration is excellent. I wasn’t at this point until after I received my graduate degree in my thirties. Over the past ten years, I’ve lost several longtime friends and it’s been difficult to find new friends about my age (72 years old) with similar interests. So, like you, I’ve been doing most things by myself, whether walking or driving, since an eye injury in 2016. Surprisingly, I recently became acquainted with a couple of young guys who share an interest in off-road vehicles and overlanding. As you find interests, I think you’ll be fine. Unlike other young people, you can articulate quite well the issues that challenge you. Your attempts at cooking and surfing were fun to watch.

[@darbyallen6807]

Erika , Why don't you respond?

[@akseakayaker]

Have a good friend is important but....... being a good friend is even more.

[@franklin_503]

Amazing & beautiful young woman 🥰. Good friends exist. They're just hard to find.

[@kerrytom4731]

cute! The dog that is! She's adorable! What a cutie pie!

[@jimastro67]

It appears like you are an avid reader. You should go to the library, look at their calendar of events, and start to go to them. Yes, some may be with nothing but 70 year olds. Some may be with a younger crowd including the librarians. Best of all the stuff is free and is in a hobby it looks like you enjoy. Its not just "book discussions". They usually have people come in and give talks on all sorts of stuff that introduce you to other stuff (birding, hiking, travelling, languages, ...)

[@matttorrence2900]

You have a nice looking place there. And a dog. I wonder what's in your bookcases...

[@jazzrat2000]

Unsolicited advice is the least popular thing on the planet so you may want to just skip this. :) A best friend is a treasure, so you have to look for them like you're looking for treasure. Finding them is simple but not easy. The first step is the most important: what kind of person do you want for a best friend? 2. where can these people be found? 3. grit your teeth and go there, a lot, become a regular. It should be satisfying because presumably this will be a place you enjoy as well! My favorite used to be bookstores, but I've been married for 48 years so I don't even know if they have bookstores anymore. I recently lost my best friend so I may have to take my own advice. I might want to add another step, maybe step 0: decide what it is you like to do. It doesn't have to be a group activity although a semi group activity such as bird watching might be cool. I'm a bonsai enthusiast and I would love to have a bonsai club near me but there aren't any. Carry on!

[@benjaminleonard123]

I feel exactly how you described almost everything in this video

[@kikerr6765]

Líquido course is the only reason people drink. The concrete jingle has disconnected people from natural highs.

[@kennychelednik5400]

Hi how are you look very gorgeous and beautiful I'm from New Jersey

[@franklin2846]

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Ou don’t have friends because of you, nothing else. You.

[@jimmccall8030]

When my best friend died I felt a huge emptiness and I let myself feel how much I wanted a new close friend and I started asking internally for a new friend that I could really connect with and writing that down daily. I was very clear that I wanted this and felt it strongly and after a couple of months someone came into my life and we are having a wonderful time together. I have found it helps to be clear and specific about who and what you want. And see if there are any reasons or defenses against having this kind of close connection. Also… I found that changing habits is much easier using the concepts in Atomic Habits by James Clear - it’s a great book

[@michaelballrd5947]

You are gorgeous and simply irresistible my friend

[@johnfloyd4166]

Same here I'm 55 no freinds. I now realise I just had lots of aquantinces..very different 😊

[@JOSEPHCHARLESCOLIN2024]

Agreed

[@simonjandrell5897]

u r a fascinating girl.. and your house and book collection WOW!

[@dparis1768]

You have a lot of qualities that anyone would want in a friend. I would protect that lack of experience. Being wise will save a lot of grief. I think you're exactly where you need to be. Life will happen. Be patient!

[@paulhart3812]

Whoever said you don’t need friends is WRONG. It’s always better to share your experiences with someone.

[@tabuno1662]

Exercising by oneself sucks! It's almost impulse to ever continue it unless it's your passion and you really want to maybe even get to the point where you can enter competitions.

[@zazoomatt]

OK Humans NEED People as we ARE Social in Structure and can NOT just Change That for 1,000's of years. You ONLY have a life ! You do YOU Well !

[@johnnyc5382.]

You're beautiful, elegant & clearly well off financially. Be content w yourself & your ways and keep the videos coming! 😊 Very inventive! 👍

[@neilmassey2932]

Erica , I get exactly what you mean. I was like that when I was younger to. I have found this very interesting.

[@pierre931]

joy not all are negatives....peoples give us attemption, affection, condivision...when you dont love some one you has the opportunity to let go he..many friends are preferables cos if one dont frequent yet you , you are with the others ones

[@TrevorSnaith-xl8fz]

Maybe you could volunteer. That would lessen some of the monotony.

[@NotWorthIt9]

Kinda hard to believe this kid can't meet a friend. 14.9k people are interested.

[@mitchducky962]

I'm Deaf and sign language my loss cochlears ears grow up to life point positive things and good attitude for me 🙏🏾🤳🏾 I said that understand why you have to response to honor her you own strong female leads you 🆒🫴🏾👏🏾💪🏾✅👍🏾🙏🏾🤳🏾🫶🏾👋🏾💬👉🏾💬🆒

[@drewdevon2009]

nice legs Erika 😮

[@Dingdeng1337]

It's a shame that she has this pillow on there all the time. The dog is to be envied! 😝

[@drewdevon2009]

@@Dingdeng1337 yeah shes definitely teasing us by hiding her legs from clear view

[@jeanytpremium]

Weirdos

[@BrianBrumley-p5p]

Speaking of relationships...it makes me wonder what kind of relationship do you have with your "dog"? You keep saying "the dog". You dont pet your dog or cuddle with "the dog". Your making your dog stay on the couch? Just saying... If you dont have any kind of bond / interaction with your dog, it might explain having trouble with people. Im sure you do, im just getting the impression that your not even close with your dog

[@gglassmann66]

I believe you are more mature than most of the people who you have grown up with. You might enjoy the company of more mature people. You are perfectly normal honey 👍 I think you are super intelligent, sweet and very beautiful!!! Thank you for creating these videos. And yes Friends are very important!!! Take care 😊

[@ChristopherCampbell-q9o]

Jeez, Erika. You are a _way_ interesting person. I don't have any advice for you, I would just like to be your friend. Pen pal? I emailed you. Please read your email. Hey, here's a question: What do you think it would happen if you were out walking around and ran across someone just like you? Anyway, please keep doing your thing, you're great at it!

[@ninja3502002]

School or not, maybe you need to rethink or reexamine the meaning of friendships.