Maybe I"M The Narcissist? 8 Ways To Find Out

[@IntegraDIY]

Dealing with a narcissist, can make you be one.. that negative energy and mindset rubs off. But it’s not permanent as long as you distance yourself.

[@nandinigogoi2584]

Agreed Living with my narc mom had made me so emotionless to survive ..Once I am out now I can feel my heart and my emotions back so much freeing

[@TheLordsbattleaxe]

Agreed

[@richardleetbluesharmonicac7192]

If you don’t lie cheat, steal gaslight, and hurt people you’re not a narcissist. Everyone likes attention, and recognition as like all humans

[@jokettedj]

What I've noticed is, I can become narcisstic when triggered. As I feel normal and okay and going about living my life but as I've tried going out with someone again recently, it's retraumatused me and when I get triggered, I do push pull with him and I feel I want control and power over him. I want to avoid vulnerability at all costs and become avoident. But then other times it switches and I become completely vulnerable but it's awful because Im a mess, crying, screaming, panicking, I become this uncontrollable mess of a person and eventually it gets too much and I close down, numb out. I've pushed him away at thr moment and said we're not together. Yet inside, I am depressed about this and just want to hug him. But then I'm analysing all the reasons I shouldn't be with him and why it won't work etc etc. Some are very valid and I'm so confused. I wish I had never tried again with someone else, it's soo traumatising. I was starting to feel better before all this.

[@giacintaah]

100% happened to me, i developed really embarrassing narc traits but 1 year on i feel like ive shaken them mostly

[@markmartin2292]

The narcissist laughs at someone else’s misfortune. My father and older brother would laugh when someone fell down. I would be horrified and run to help. My father and brother looked at me with disgust, like I was trying to be a goodie-goodie. Like that’s a bad thing. In fact I think only narcissists use the phrase goodie-goodie.

[@RandomAdventurez75]

My daughter had the same experience with the laugh, she would fall and he just had this laugh she hated, it happened a few times, shes 13 and still remembers it from when she was 4, she was on the tile trying her new roller skates and fell, when she was 8 she told him off and he laughed at her, after that she refused contact, we were separated by then and he barely visited her, was drunk with his new gf and baby, ignored her and she had enough, told him how she felt and he laughed, its sick how a narcissist treat their kids, sorry you had to experience that

[@cassiebennet4262]

They take joy in others misfortune because they believe that it's unfair that others are not as miserable as they are.

[@JamesNGames]

My experience dealing with the narcissist was both perplexing and unsettling. Whenever I refused to comply with their demands or rejected their needs, they would react in an incredibly dramatic way, as if I had physically assaulted them. It was bizarre to witness this reaction, as their response seemed entirely disproportionate to the situation at hand. However, it was through this experience that I began to understand the depths of their sensitivity - that to them, a mere word or action could inflict the same pain as physical harm. It was both humorous and disturbing to see how they had internalized the idea that "no" equated to violence, and it made me realize just how deeply their narcissistic tendencies had taken hold. Overall, my experience with this person left me feeling both bewildered and wary of their unpredictable reactions.

[@LoveSource1111]

I love this video because I know that I am not a narcissist. He tried to say that I was one, but I just know I'm not. I have empathy for others.

[@cassiebennet4262]

I have been questioning if I'm a the narc in my marriage. But then I realise I'm walking on eggshells so much, to avoid his rage, that I'm developing autoimmune diseases.

[@dkwerkraum]

Same here

[@ChannelleHinds]

Incredible you’ve taught me so much about myself! I am not a narcissist but can carry the traits after 10 yrs of being forced to live with this person. (8 yrs in a relationship an the other 2 yrs because he’s refused to leave my house)! It’s so bizarre because I’m such a caring, kind an empathic person when I’m around everyone else but him. An, as soon as I step through my front door my guards go up it’s like switching on the light and I’m in total (and I hate myself for this) nasty mode, ready for whatever he’s (been) about to do. But 12 wks in therapy from psychiatrist, psychologist, domestic abuse worker and social worker (an of course all the amazing teachings I’ve learned from these videos) are now teaching me how to deal with his behaviour in very different ways. I’m 8 wks on an I’m now strong enough to find somewhere else to live for me an my child so thank you Michelle it’s great to know I’m not a narcissist and strong enough to leave one! ❤

[@kimsanders8262]

My ex narc thinks hes right about everything,if it is not his way then its no way. When you tell him you cant do something for him when he needs it done right away he stopped speaking to me. He tried to make me think I was the narc. He doesn't share with my accomplishments. He belittled me for everything.

[@Wennifer19]

I always heard the term "gaslighting." I never knew what this term meant. After learning about gaslighting and the many types & characteristics of it, then I knew what alot of people have been doing to me all life

[@richardleetbluesharmonicac7192]

Everyone has narcissistic tendencies it’s called the ego. If you’ve been highly abused by a narcissist, you tend to take on some of their affections. It’s very simple if you don’t lie cheat, steal backstab, gaslight and hate you’re not a narcissist.

[@Razekiel]

What if I've done bad but actually feel this pain searing inside my soul?

[@svnna4796]

Its hurts "If you’ve been highly abused by a narcissist, you tend to take on some of their affections." I see myself on him i wanna change i hurt many peopl my family i tried to change without any help cauz theythink its my attitude and not the effects of my abusive dad i tried going worser to get people help that i need help but they said im a demon but never ever even try to help me

[@nosakhareobakpoler9825]

Thank you!!! I was wondering if I was one of not after dealing with one

[@barbarabuttler7647]

The emotion I felt when accused of being a narcissist was guilt. 😢

[@albangel1689]

Seeing and hearing you is just what the doctor ordered. Thx for being there.

[@juliaklein9173]

I ...I...I have never subscribed ever to anyone on KZbin faster than I did now... Questioning myself with all you just so clearly explained...it makes sense to me...finally I find some peace...thank you for your content..I have to re watch 1000 times❤❤❤❤❤

[@shifrafreewoman174]

with the narc they hurt me so much it is hard to see them flourish, but generally i am glad when friends succeed.

[@chantal9154]

Wow this brought me into tears.... after 1,5 years being accused of narcissistic abbusing my ex and his parents and letting my network of friends and family believing this about me, this finally makes me believe in myself again.... thank you so much!!🙏

[@susanplove]

During the relationship, my ex said with anger while venting about his brother "I think my brother is a narcissist! I really think he is!" and a couple moments later. "I think you're like him!" It hit me. I was in the mindset of "I'm a bad person" at the time. I was so worried, googling about narcissism in 2016/2017. We broke up in 2017. I kept asking my therapist if she saw narcissism in me in 2018 and was still so worried. Eventually, as time went on, she said I was the empath and that I needed better boundaries. She didn't call him a narcissist but she said he had a "disowned second self." It wasn't until 2020 I realized that he was a narcissist when I learned about a little covert narcissism. And then now finding your channel in 2023 learning more about covert narcissism and CPTSD (which I had). In that time period (2016-2019) I kept on saying that "I feel like I'm in a psychological thriller and this feels like the twilight zone." It was such a crazy experience, covert narcissistic abuse. This is another validating video. The healing took a while. I'm still healing. I think it might be useful for me to join your group to finalize my healing because no one understood me at the time. I felt deeply alone but I'm glad I'm able to heal from childhood narcissism (as well) after that relationship and finally break out of these patterns (my patterns as well). Thank you, for your channel Michele and I wish everyone a healthy recovery.

[@perfectday777]

Michele, I'm admittedly feeling a little bit emotional right now. Yes, I've asked myself this question, at times, when I've thought about times when I was reacting in ways that I'm not proud of. From what you've shared in this video, I'm not a narcissist. However, I still have lots of ways that I need to become a better version of myself. It's so interesting that you mentioned being someone's "garbage pail" because just yesterday I was remembering when I was working in an extremely toxic work environment. I was being severely bullied, literally being screamed at and threatened nearly every day that I worked. It took a massive toll on me. I finally got to the point that I was done. I no longer wanted to be the company dumpster for them to dump their crap onto me. After following through with some necessary preparations, I was able to leave. This was several years before starting to learn about narcissism. Most of what I've learned about it has come from you, Michele. You have had a major influence in my life because of the tools of recognizing it for what it is and what to do about it. It has changed my life. I still have lots to learn and more healing to do, but I am so grateful for what I've learned from you. Thank you! ❤

[@ChannelleHinds]

Perfectly said 👍👏🏻

[@CapitalK66]

The only time/reason I thought I might be a narc was bc my ex called me a narc. He accused me of gaslighting even though he was doing it. I can’t tell you how many times I asked my therapist “am I the narc? Are you sure?” We have discussed this so many times. I’m finally comfortable believing I’m not a narc. I’m not perfect but I’m not a narc. Whew!

[@truthbetold4097]

My narc husband rarely laughs, and when he does it's fake. He never laughs at home, it's like everything genuinely funny is beneath him, and yet he'll fake laugh on the phone with his boss and family. It's sickening. I haven't laughed, really laughed, in a long long time. He has sucked the life out of me. I definitely don't feel like I'm as good as anyone else.

[@alyarrf]

I was hoping to come across this discussion in the topic. 1. For the first question my honest reaction was, that I was in an initial shock, because I wasn't fully aware of the topic, and secondly feeling sad, that if I am one, then I would be hurting people around me. 2. Second question: it motivates me to get help, to actually understand my situation better, and rule it out from my system. 3. I am at a point in life with my wife, that I misbehaved out of disappointment, followed by anger, and then I had to shut my emotional side. But before that, it was always me who be trying to avoid arguments and initiating to resolve situations, every time. I would always be the one who would be apologising because she wouldn't, even if it was her fault. I had to shut my emotional side, that used to go and repair situations, but now I am tired. I am waiting for her to come and realise, but sadly, the more I do that, the more that person is waiting out, it feels like a seigde. 4. When I laugh, it's been a long time since have laughed. People used to call me "ever smiling person" radiating positivity all around. When i have a genuine laugh, i love it, and it relaxs my heart, it feels home. After meeting her, I helped her to stop thinking negative about people, judging them, she did come out of it, but it feels like that it went inside of me, I had become like her. When I cry, I honest, straight from the heart. 5. I value other people more than me. I believe in God, so I respect and see other people having more value than me. I always humble myself. 6. I am willing to get help, if financial situation and time allows. 7. Before my success, I am always happy to see my family members succeeding, I am always happy to see her succeed more than me, but it hurts me, when she starts looking down at me. Like I need to improve myself, she says, that she knows my worth and that's why she wants the same for me, but I feel it's more for her to show off to her friends that she is married to a cool intelligent guy. Also when she is telling things at her work, she shares them in detail, and I honestly helping her if she needs it, but as soon as I start to tell her things about my work, she is easily bored and nit much interested or look down upon my job, like it's not even worth discussing, so I hardly tell her how my day was. Every day I make an effort asking her how her day was, she hardly or never asks me that. 8. Reactive abuse; I have reacted in an abusive manner, that I can't believe I would ever do. I have never laid a hand on her ever, but out of anger I have said something that I am not proud of. Now she brings those up everytime we have another argument, it's like she us collecting evidences and reinforcing everytime we have another argument. My kids see my reactive abusive more louder than what she is doing, so they have started to side with her. And they isolate me most of the time.

[@barbarabuttler7647]

As you become stronger at responding, rather than reacting, your children will see a better example of how to behave. Your wife needs to learn to accept responsibility and not expect perfection from anyone, if she's going to set a good example for your children. You both need to get on the same page in this regard, as soon as possible, if you love your children and don't want to create monsters.

[@Michelle-cn9zp]

I don’t want to be a horrible person and that is my motive. Narcissist are horrible people.

[@davidmaish7363]

Watching a narcissist laugh was always perplexing to me. The laugh is always exactly the same, same tone, exactly time'ed with precisssion, same number of laughs/breaths, it is used as a word, kinda like "like" when some people talk. I always referred to them as the "plastic people". I saw from the beginning how fake these people are, but did not understand/ know what narcissisim is. The only time i ever see a real laugh from them is when they have hurt someone, embarressed someone, or when they see someone loose at something in life. I am still haveing trouble excepting that some of my family is like this.

[@pskpsk16]

Yes, I am narcissist... And these tendency has hiked in last 4 year... To be honest, I don't have any emotion behind this motive, but still I want to change.. Because I want to feel my feelings... I don't feel anything....

[@mount-of-olives]

Did you know that Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is actually a mental health condition? There's help out there particularly as its recognised as such and you recognise you have it... Wishing you well 🙏🏻

[@nicolemjohnson]

This video was so helpful! Thank you so much! I am in my healing journey and feeling so weighed down with a barrage of realizations and truths that are emerging and then also still receiving emails in my spam folder from the blocked narcissist having me question if I’m actually the narcissist! This video helped me validate myself and contrast the clear signs that the covert narc ex displayed throughout the entire relationship. Sheeesh this journey is not easy.

[@jokettedj]

Terrfying, that Im watching this with my ex in mind, but when you explained the lady crying and her partner just sitting there reading the mail while shes sooo distressed, this is literally what my Nan did, she brought me up and it took me until my 30s to realsie something wasnt right and when I finally brought it up as an adult, I was crying shaking, she just sat there going ummm, ahhhh, while doing her crossword. I got that upset, I flung myself on her lap, burst into tears screaming "This is all I ever wanted Nan, this is all I ever wanted''! Trying to show her the comfort I wanted as a child, she just stood there still as a statue until I got off and then carried on like normal...

[@Lilghostpepper]

This video is making me realize I am not a narcissist I’m just so so so so angry and it hurts so bad. I don’t want to be a bad person, I honestly feel like there is no escaping my wrongdoings. Typing out this comment is actually helping me cry and then I feel guilty and it’s hard to explain

[@bri2tany]

This is the best video on NPD I have ever seen to help diagnose. I think it might've finally clicked after the 500th video.

[@haysjack6818]

My ex girlfriend whom I now know was a covert semantic narcissists accused me of being a narcissists a few times in the 1 1/2 years I was with her. At first the thought that I may be a narcissists scared me a lot. However after educating myself mostly from youtube channels like this one it did not take long to know that I was not a narcissists. And after a lot of learning about narcissists I have no doubt that my girl friend as well as my ex wife whom I divorced 24 years go was also a narcissists. I have most importantly learned that I am co-dependent and in reality responsible for getting involved with and staying in relationships with narcissists women in the first place. The information I have learned over the past year has changed my life! Coming to the realization that even though I am a man. I was in fact severely emotionally abused by these women. My only regret is that it took until I was 60 years old to learn this about my past abusive relationships as well as my own responsibility for allowing my self to be abused. It is very unfortunate that so many men suffer abuse from narcissists women in silence. I know that in fact there are as many if not more narcissists females than narcissists males. Female narcissists are not exposed because men don't talk about getting abused by the women in their lives because if they do they are seen as a "sissy" or a weak man Etc. Also female narcissists behavior is often excused simply because they are a female. The truth is that Most female narcissists fly under the radar. The emotional and mental abuse done by a female narcissists girlfriend / wife is just as damaging and often more damaging to males than females.

[@stevejohnson743]

Q #1. Disgust, fear. How can I heal? Q #2. I will do anything to change. Q #3. I am willing to own my mistakes, but I do need to draw boundaries. I do really care about the other person. I do struggle with EQ. Q #4. I don't cry. But I do laugh with true joy. I have emotions, but I can't cry. Unless I'm talking to someone in pain other than my wife. Q #5. I missed number 5 Q #6. I want truth. I don't care who's right or wrong in a situation. Q #7. I am able to feel joy for other people. I struggle with jealousy at times, but I'm able to correct myself and choose to be happy for them. Q #8. I imagine myself engaging in reactive abuse. I recognize it as wrong.

[@shifrafreewoman174]

what i find hard is that they seem to be doing really well and accomplishing a lot and i feel like am floundering.

[@jimhendricks88]

Thanks so much for this presentation. It’s an issue I’ve struggled with and wondered about for sometime now…

[@IChroniclesofNerdiaI]

#6 worries me because I have struggled for a long time to get any kind of help... But this is from years of being disappointed by doctors and struggling to articulate what my issues are... Growing up I was very isolated, and didn't have good rolemodels for handling and recognizing emotions. So the thought of trying to verbalize what I'm going through in my head to a stranger makes my stomach churn... I often feel misunderstood when I try to explain myself, often having my words twisted against me which forces me into silence... The one time I tried talking to a counsellor, it lasted 3 days because all that I got from it was them telling me my anxiety was too mild to worry about and that I wouldn't know what real fear was (my counsellor was apparently a retired fire fighter, so felt the need to invalidate my feelings.) He taught me breathing excercises I already knew from reading online that often trigger me abit (slowing my breathing reminds me of bullys who tried to drown me as a kid), and then I just stopped calling because it left me feeling worse than when I orginally reached out for help (I was having suicidal thoughts when I tried to get help.) I went back to reading self help books because at least they weren't telling me shut up buttercup... They were actually helping me process what I was feeling from years of being gaslit and having others try to tell me how I felt... But I still worry I have narcisistic tendancies, but only in certain situations... I can't figure out if they're from years of being around narcisists, or bitterness or what... I believe strongly in being compassionate to others but have felt increasingly numb over the years just to survive living in a world that doesn't understand where I'm coming from. This has made it hard to feel empathy towards individuals that I feel like have treated me poorly over the years... But I worry from their perspective they'll see me as an uncaring narcissist as a result.

[@barbarabuttler7647]

You were being counselled by a person who was competing with you for victimhood status. You instinctively understand that the answer lies within you; as your emotional intelligence grows, your disappointment regarding the lack of growth in others will become more tolerable.

[@dkwerkraum]

Omg... I feel relieved... I am really at the start of this and this question was bothering me for a long time... after I came to realize and admit that I grew up with a narcissistic father, and after I have been observing my behavior as a mother in a quite disfunctional family, I have been almost convinced that I have inherited the narcissistic traits. I was scared and sad in the idea and start researching to find a way out of it. But your video help me see that I am not... I feel everything you describe and I realize my trauma as child that shaped this typical personality of mine. I think that I am also attracting narcissists who find it easy to step on my inferiority complexes... But at least I am not the narcissist... Now I can move slowly to the next steps. Thank you!

[@shifrafreewoman174]

yes generally i support people when they do well, now admittedly sometimes i dont feel happy because i feel let down because i cant seem to do what they do.

[@missydavis6678]

I feel I definately became a reactive abuser. I'm ashamed, and working to become a better Christian. More acceptable to God. I've decided to get away from people who make me feel gas lit! At the same time, I'm reflecting on getting my mom out of my mouth. I have deep seated tendencies that need to change for sure.

[@mount-of-olives]

What does your comment about your mother mean?

[@missydavis6678]

@@mount-of-olives Just that sometimes we find ourselves saying things our Mom's used to say to us. It's not always upbuilding. So, looking at things I picked up that I need to change.

[@mount-of-olives]

@@missydavis6678 ❤️

[@mount-of-olives]

@@missydavis6678 ❤️

[@spinstercatlady]

I'm in the same boat. My mom breaks every boundary I set, and then when I explode in anger, I'm filled with guilt and remorse. I've went no contact with her, but bc she continues to call my elderly grandmother who lives with me (her mother) daily, it's never really effective bc she still keeps a line of contact open. I can't exactly tell my grandmother not to speak to her daughter. I, too, am trying to build my relationship with God, and the never-ending toxicity makes me feel like I'm in a living nightmare.

[@jorgemarquezzepeda8179]

Wow.. you just confirmed to me that I'm not the narcissist in my marriage.. but in fact the abused by a narcissist... and that i was raised by a narcissist.

[@lylahboling6383]

I want to become a better person, and some are cynical about if I am actually trying and some believe there's no hope for me and I have lost the right for any chances to be better 5:21

[@Filthycoffin]

My emotions got taken away after being medicated for anxiety/depression from abuse on antidepressants antipsychotics then stopped. I can’t wait to feel again someday.

[@tomchurch2285]

An excellent video Michelle! Clarifying and needed!

[@waleedbhatti7254]

Watched a lot of videos but this video is the best "Narcicism Test"

[@terrorbyter352]

I was feeling a little fear, worry, guilt, confusion, mostly anxiety... after enough attempts to reconcile and have a deeper chat for understanding... and all the while getting belittled... dismissed sworn at while getting laughed at and triangulated... things just get very draining and left feeling empty. And after a few repetitive cycles, always wondering if there was more that i could do. Its just never enough...

[@Truth-matters-v2z]

I gave every red flag that I was experiencing with my husband to my therapist and she never suggested an article, a book or a video. I stuck it out while wanting to leave multiple times which he talked me out of every time until 27 yrs of marriage, youngest going to college and new supply brought on the discard. 🤯

[@MaestroMaxim]

Separating is & distinguishing ourself identity from theirs is a timely process & this can be not easy.

[@alexanderkane3960]

The thing I learned was the fear that I had wondering if I was the narcissist, is an indicator that I am NOT one! Along with the rest you discussed. Thank you for sharing your experiences from your life trading and education! 😊

[@BenOnuMuDiyorum]

4 and 5 I am struggling. I can differentiate and have the relief when I authentically embrace the real emotions.

[@shifrafreewoman174]

i dont want to act abusively, i hate it. i want to stop it. i want to change.

[@annettebierkos7928]

Omg thank you ,I was getting very worried about this

[@ensulalachance8353]

I think i have acquired narcissistic traits through the years. Awareness is def the first step.

[@T_eekay_m]

Thank you so much for this.

[@Joe17897]

I was and Still are Being told I Need Help .

[@NinjaMaxHaven13]

I ask myself this a lot because I don't want to hurt anyone. I'd rather take on the hurt myself than to see someone else hurt. Maybe it's me feeling like I'm not worthy if I do something wrong.

[@shifrafreewoman174]

unless the person continually and unendingly critiques me and never stops, i want to help the person and not hurt the person.

[@RoaringJaguar]

Great video! Thank you for taking the time to make it for us ❤

[@andrewmorrow1992]

It's interesting, it feels like it goes down to what the motivations and intentions of your actions are. Knowing why you behaved someway. For a long time I was suspecting my partner to be a covert narcissist, you try so hard not to be emotionally reactive to things you perceive to be rejectful/invalidating/inconsiderate/displays of indifference towards you but it's as Tony Overbay says 'it's like death by a thousand cuts'. The overwhelming feeling is - why is this person that I love treating me this way. You understand the history of their childhood trauma, to try and be more understanding towards their behaviors, you try and display unconditional love and be consistent, you try to not do the same behaviors back to them (as that would be hurtful and hypocritical) but eventually despair and exasperation wins out in arguments when they are constantly dismissing your experience and right to feel the way you do. You end up saying guilt tripping statements (which for narcissists is perceived as shaming), to see if they have any remorse, guilt or empathy to your perceived experiences. To see if your perceived experience matters to them. Not really done with any malice in the moment but in retrospect was a manipulative thing to do. Despite you bringing up behaviors that you felt to be inconsiderate/rejectful/invalidating, by the end of the disagreement they are the victim and you have fallen on the sword of being too sensitive. If you break up for a day or two they may reach out to reconcile but never look to meet half way, never feel the need to recognize why you may feel the way you do and eventually because you love them and want to make things work, you concentrate on making them feel good about themselves and telling them how much they mean to you (which they do!!!). You even (potentially in an egotistical way, but again really out of desperation, not a moralistic superior/inferior manner or judgemental way) try an explain to them - conscious/unconscious, intentional/accidental, perceive correctly or wrongly why an action they did had had a negative impact on you but they don't care or empathize.

[@renegadephilosopher5996]

Had me worried. I genuinely laugh. I love to laugh. I have a sense of humor.

[@kavilatte]

Wow. Very helpful. I learned about my whole sequence in this video. Guilty or reactive abuse, here, for sure. Interested in the course.

[@CobaltLycan918]

Someone called me a narcissist because I was angry at someone and i vented to a group chat about it through text and my partner thinks while I'm not, my actions of emotional disregulation and inability to let shit go are making people PERCIEVE me as a narcissist. I never realize I did something wrong until it's too late and I lose people. I just don't know me what I am at this point

[@BenOnuMuDiyorum]

4:48 that hits hard. Reminded me the moment I confessed the sexual abuse I've had experienced in my childhood. I was silent for 20ish years and I told them one by one that I have an experince I've been holding in me. (Even I was suppresing the memory of it from myself unawarely) And I still cannot comprehend how the days had gone by like nothing happened. Like, it was enough to make sense of my anger and crying crysis but yet they were like I was a robot misoperating. No soothing, no getting literate on the subject, even no anger rushed in them when I told them what I've experienced. No question of how do you feel, how it's influencing your life right now... No, nothing. My friends got furious and wanted to hurt the perpetrator. But my family was just like, yeah ok.

[@piotrmarcisz9309]

When they see you in pain it triggers them to react with agression because in their eyes its pathetic weakness

[@shifrafreewoman174]

i go back and forth between feeling like am better or worse, but generally i see folks as equals. i want to get help so i can get better not to prove i am right.

[@MaryIsbell-i6g]

Most validating reassuring video ivr seen yet yes i have remorse yes i want to be a better person yes i have worried about being one and absolutely didn't want to be . I felt there was something off with him for years ( 46 years together) i remember years ago i wrote a song about the silent treatment. I moved out almost 2 years ago still having anxiety and depression but have an emdr therapist and good community of Christian friends and a codependency group. God got me outta there. I feel bad for speaking to him harshly in reactive abuse. I hope he get help for real

[@NewCreationInChrist896]

They’re the devil’s advocate. Matthew 7:15 “Beware of false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves.”

[@BeautyBeatdown]

My husbands therapist told him if he is even asking if he is one, means he isnt. And the whole reason he asked was because he figured out my reddit account and read my posts about him

[@shifrafreewoman174]

no i have real laughs and when i cry i really really really cry.

[@shifrafreewoman174]

i remember how i was crying and crying, not over the narc, just crying and they said i needed to take care of myself, i did not like this, but i accepted it but then they said imagine how it feels to be me and to want to slap you.

[@matthewbennettdavey5864]

I loved the subtle zoom in/outs.

[@carom6879]

Good video, as always! Thank your for doing such an important work! ❤

[@kristiemao4275]

I have watched your channel and love it. I don't know. I have heard other therapists and life coaches speak about narcissism, and they are good, but yours seem to be much deeper. I think it's because you've experienced narcissistic abuse, too. My stepmom took me to therapy with my Dad last year. I knew she didn't want to actually work on our family issues, but just point to me as the problem. I was forced to go to private therapy and transformed. My personal therapist told me my issue was that I put myself last and wasn't assertive. My stepmom dropped out of therapy after 3 sessions when the family therapist didn't rubberstamp her views.

[@lisalambert81865]

I asked if I was a narcissist and since first asking ten years ago I have been told no you are not a narcissist, I had extremely high narcissistic traits grime being raised by one and the family dynamic that I grew up in and the traumas I had endured but after all the work I have done to heal those parts, still working on the emotional ones but I am in a better place and my relationship are healing, some more slowly then others but I understand the damage I did and the time it’s going to take to heal it, I appreciate the ones that gave me the chance to heal our relationships. Narcissist very rarely self reflect, but hats are by its hard to get them diagnosed.

[@SilterisAurora]

While I realize the only way I can know for sure is to seek the services of a therapist to process what I went through, this did provide me a sense of relief since I have been terrified about this for so long. I was especially ashamed with how verbally abusive I got and with my physical actions (throwing things, hitting myself, hitting walls). I always felt like I was reacting, but I also felt disgusted with myself after.

[@flaggov6949]

This was needed and perfect. Thank you!

[@truthbetold4097]

Love this video. Thank you!

[@BenOnuMuDiyorum]

That video seems like so helpful, I am just a few minutes in. When I socialize, I indeliberately switch of to an cerebral narcissistical operating system. I wasn't aware of it till the pandemic occured that I was so overwhelmed by it and I wans't aware of it at all till I started accepting my real story.

[@debgutierrez3237]

Number 8 brought me here. I did a reactive meme post on FB and my narcissist stepdaughter went ballistic and sent me a rage text. The meme said ‘NOBODY IS TOO BUSY, ITS JUST A MATTER OF PRIORITIES’. this was generated because her father has been DIAGNOSED with sever heart disease and she’s ’too busy’ to check on him or respond to texts about his condition. I am overwhelmed with fear and anxiety about this diagnosis and I just want his children to show some semblance of caring. I felt bad after I did the post but I’m also trying to really recognize the degree of her narcissistic personality. It’s very severe. I feel I have to protect myself from her and from my own expectations. This video was a huge help. ❤

[@spinstercatlady]

Trying to control others and how much they care is toxic as well. Posting passive aggressive FB memes, and then acting shocked when you get exactly the reaction you were hoping for is toxic. Sounds like the issues go both ways in this relationship.

[@somethingshiney6053]

I was having an anxiety attack k wondering if I am a narcissist. This video comforted me in finding out that I am not.

[@p.w.dollarssense1683]

Thank you, this was truly helpful🌻

[@user-fq9gc9zs6u]

Thank you, this helped me calm down a bit.

[@etiquetteconnoisseur6184]

When I see someone is a narcissist, I don’t try to change them, I don’t tell them they are a narcissist, and I don’t feel hurt anymore. I just realize they need help themselves. But, unfortunately, they are not looking for help.

[@tonyroma7599]

Thank you for this video

[@ChefMackWhittier]

Thank you so much!!!!!!

[@skullchick911]

Thank you for this

[@tarjeisellevoll257]

Thank you. Thank YOU thank you thank you thank you! When researching this nobody explained the internal difference. Some of these I relate to in the way you spoke. I've blamed myself so much and couldn't reconcile spme of my own tendencies. I always try to work on them and mitigate them, like with the happy for others, I can tend to think, damn, why am I unable. But then I feel nad about it for the person so I try to be cognitively mindful. And all I said to myself was tjat I was just tryingbto fool myself into believing i was a good person.

[@danildasoto1364]

I’m not a narcissist I know this because I truly care and my heart hurts to know I can hurt someone. But I do understand I can be hurting someone from unhealed trauma. I do have someone who truly cares for me and sees my hurt. I do want to get help. I just don’t want to hurt anyone because of my past trauma.

[@Nerine98]

such a relief.. it was scary to listen to it xD

[@2kme199]

No one in my family has any empathy. This is so frustrating for me. Yes, the narc laugh is totally fake and without accurate timing, looking around to see the reactions of others first. My ex husband narc told me to my face that he knew he was better than I am! He also used therapists to gang up on me, always choosing those he could control. Every time I achieved anything from childhood on, my narc mother would become angry and ignore me and or belittle my accomplishment or waive it off as no big deal. This taught me to hold myself back from doing or succeeding at things. This became even more pronounced with my ex husband. Once free, I did accomplish amazing things, and I knew they would not just not care, but would be dismissive and I was right. My ex actually claimed that I must have done something illegal to have made so much money!! I went out and made even more.

[@arturstrauss-kennedy9329]

Going crazy after she gas lit me into thinking I’m crazy watched the first too questions and realized I am more right than I was before and even tho I took the hour to do an online narc test just in case I think my over concern and still wanting to help her after I caught her cheating is crazy

[@Anne.....]

Thank you

[@mimimccroskey5437]

I now know for certain that even though I get angry 😡 and behave in ways not like myself especially towards my partner it’s not because I am a narcissist who willfully hurts others…in a way it is because I am reacting strongly to being hurt by my partner who could be high on the scale of narcissistic traits. I have come to notice that the ‘gaslight’ is always on!

[@derwoodhamburger]

I have wondered if I am, because I believe my father and my former best friend were narcissists and hurt me alot emotionally. Now I feel isolated and abandoned. When I try to make connections in the past I have came across as needy and desperate, I do admit. But now that I have regained my confidence and self worth, I feel I might be expressing narc traits by letting go of people who do not want to connect and ignore me. I can only connect with people who show reciprical energy. I am always willing to apologize if my actions or inactions hurt anybody

[@derwoodhamburger]

I desire accountability in others but will always show accountability within myself. Thankyou very much for the work you do

[@cassiebennet4262]

A LOT of people diagnosed with NPD watch these videos and are FURIOUS. They want to redefine what narcissism is to make their personality disorder appear innocuous. They also want to blame the victim. Big shocker.

[@TM-ti9lc]

Wow yes I’ve seen them “cry” with no tears. Just exaggerated & disingenuous. And at the time I thought we were sharing an introspective moment, but it was just her trying to control the situation. Looking back, it felt as though she mocked me and then, shortly after, placing me in contempt. The majority of the “conversation“ was her talking and me listening, which was intentional. She even admitted she had no intentions of ever hearing me, but wanted to speak into my life, without really knowing and gaining clarity of what the truth is and who I am. But because I’m married to her son now, she has that “right”. But at the same time she can’t be “my mother”, even though that’s the position she has “rights” over me with. What I should do career-wise, what “help” I need, etc. and I am to shut up and listen because she knows what’s best for me and one day I’ll be “thanking” her. After researching, I put 2 and 2 together and realized what situation I was dealing with. In the beginning I thought she meant well and she was just trying to be helpful. She’s very controlling and I didn’t see it until after I married my husband(her son). I feel very tricked into believing this woman actually wanted me a part of their family. But the truth came out about how she felt about me all along, her “secret” animosity.

[@edwardsanchez1542]

I would get the rolling of the eyes when expressing my feelings and trying to save the relationship. Or what use to be funny in the beginning was then met with the rolling of the eyes towards the end of the relationship.

[@Tiacowwife]

Answering honestly: 1: im really scared of being one. I don’t want to be one. I don’t want anyone to be in pain because of me. I want to genuinely figure out if I am a narcissist so I can fix myself or do ANYTHING IT TAKES TO not end up being one because my mother was a narcissist and my life was ruined by her. 2: I want to get better. And I wanna know how to be better. 3: I feel like it’s 50/50. If someone’s wrong I wanna tell them that they’ve done me wrong. But if I am I want to better that relationship and better myself 4: I feel the emotions I don’t mimic 5: it’s sometimes im one up but most of the times I feel dumb and lesser than. 6: I never do that at compliments 8: I feel ashamed and I want to change and apologise for it. I just want to know what to change and how to change?

[@BayBuhFrank]

Ive been through so much in my life the thing that stands out the most here is how i can feel unempathetic and reactive abuse. I can be defensive and gaslight unintentionally. I deal with anxiety and anxiety spiral, and when i do, i start talking in circles. I know i feel genuine love, happiness, and sadness, but im not sure what is normal. Im genuinely worried i might be a covert narcissist. Retrospectively, my behavior has ruined my relationship..i think i need help and want help but im not sure who to turn to or what to do

[@Ruby-xk8kn]

Is it narcissism to have little to no interest in relationships and friendships? I have basically no interest in other humans anymore and it scares me, i refuse to reply to any old friend or anyone who contacts me for the last few years, no interest in dating, no interest in anyone elses life, i actively avoid my neighbours, i avoid answering the phone even if its my grandma calling me i have no interest in talking to her. Something is very wrong with me and i dont know how to fix it.

[@cassiebennet4262]

Are you an introverted personality to begin with? Did a series of traumatic events trigger this isolation? I'm an introvert that has gone through a lot of trauma in life and I self isolate as well.

[@msglca]

It's not that I don't like people, I just feel better when they're not around.

[@ginalangston9428]

I went through this. I only wanted my dog. I met my husband and thank God it changed

[@AshleySpeaks4U]

Nobody wants to be a "better narcissist"-that's backward. They HATE their narc tendencies so much, they end up alone and isolated by choice. And YES-narcissists CAN recognize they are one, and CAN desire change absolutely.

[@jrcole7273]

ok i answered before you with get help and shame and scared .. wow i feel a little better . also my wife soon to be ex I guess i she thank her for the discard within 9mos of our marriage only said thing is that I wanted to work it out and fix things.. She sounds like the witch on bugs bunny when she laughs i use to say that but it was odd and it was really short but weird. Never knew about narcissism till now and it’s really painful to know that it’s out there and people know they are and don’t care how they treat you or even worst how you end up after the discard. I have a lot of hard days and nights still . The paperwork was just filed I was told so I’m sure I’ll feel part of being thrown away really soon again..

[@foxroyalyty]

the video says i am not a narcissist but i still strongly believe i am the narc

[@EddieGonzalez-ez6gz]

At times I feel kind of embarrassed if I laugh,like I shouldn’t or I hold it back

[@fdavidharrisson5023]

I love your videos. One slight correction. The most important place on a totem poll is the bottom. I know, its counter intuitive, but its revese of what mist people think.😊

[@kilpel2]

I guess I 'm not an narcissist 🙂 Love your videos. Pretty color