How Covert Narcissists Use 7 Stages of Gaslighting Cycle

[@gwendolynwehage6336]

The covert narcissist also validates your enemies. They will claim they didn't see what that other narcissist did or that they didn't mean it the way we took it. The covert narcissists defend the people who are rude and mean to us. This defense of the enemies is to cause us to believe that we were the crazy ones.

[@ML11988]

I don’t know you and you don’t know me yet ,somehow, you’re the only person that understands me. You are a gift to those of us that are trying to comprehend and put words to our feelings and experiences. Thank you, Michele.

[@tahwsisiht]

There are many of us. It would be lovely if there would be a viable sign to "see" each other. You know those pictures of aura? Be able to see aura and from its color, you would be able to recognize personality types and pathology. Gaslighting is cruel mental abuse. I want to clear my "environment". Even if it is only one or two people, just no gaslighting! Omg... how tiring, lonely this world can be when you are targeted by toxic people! The damage they cause in so many levels.

[@thomashennessy3585]

Interestingly - it’s because the controller mentality exhibits itself in similar forms & patterns. Michele is a very good communicator - thorough & articulate + she has a kindness to her tone & great hair. Many thanks to Michele from me as well.

[@sleepmutterer9746]

Mine would go completely silent on me, leaving me alone with my spiralling thoughts and wouldn't reassure me or tell me what I had done wrong, or how to put it right - I was totally dependent on his version of events and validation. He was in total control. Not a good place to be.

[@Seraphim7]

Wow. I Knew Stage 5 was Manipulation. God Always Shows you who they are.

[@courtneyyoungmusic]

Recently moved to live on the same property with covert narc mother and have spent thousands throughout my adult life on breaking the trauma bond, healing , researching this and empowering myself (being a mother myself obviously propelled this).. do not trust her ‘niceness’ and even feel like vomiting when she touches me.. do not have any hope that she will change.. I have mastered the grey rock technique and have no fear anymore in telling peeps that my mum is a diagnosed (not to her face) covert narcissist… she literally had a heart attack last week whilst I was doing a cord cutting meditation..

[@nancytwigg4631]

The DISCARD from my covert narcissist, although shocking, traumatic, and outright cruel, was the best damn thing that could have happened to me. I found knowledge, strength, and inner guidance. I will never allow anyone to make attempts at stealing my soul. Upgrade yourself!!!! And be grateful for this difficult time. Steel becomes stronger with the forging process. "No Contact" over 1 year now, getting stronger every day.

[@connectingthedots100]

My childhood.

[@marvalousg809]

Mine also !

[@luciferbishop8134]

You aren't alone, brother. Mom or dad? Mom for me.

[@connectingthedots100]

@@luciferbishop8134 I used to think, dad, but now I think, both.

[@jean-noeljabagi3653]

My brother the covert malignant narcissist,a pro in gaslighting.

[@stacielivinthedream8510]

Oh geez, that happened to me once! He kept telling me others 9:30 were saying bad things about me, and it was all lies! And my coworker is the same way, cycling constantly every couple of weeks!

[@cfrmom]

I can (very unfortunately) relate to these. Now that I know the 7 stages, I can recall each one as they happened. "Really nice is just a letup of abuse." -- I used to put post it notes in the kitchen where I mainly was that said, "NEVER FORGET," to remind myself that the second I got too comfortable with the 'letup of abuse,' things would get explosive/bad/scary. And "healing is about doing the very things that your body recognizes as danger." I really like that and am going to work on it! Thank you so much this video!

[@loveyourneighbor9018]

Listening to this is making me shaky inside I’m trying too learn what my body is telling me I’m just realizing what I’ve been living for 23 years 😢

[@Shadowman...]

The saddest part about damn narcissists is trying to convince naive people that there that bad. Thank GOD for KARMA

[@JamesNGames]

It is with a heavy heart that I share my recent experience with my narcissistic mother. The revelation that she had wished me dead as a baby is a truth that has left me reeling with disbelief. The level of cruelty and lack of empathy exhibited by her is deeply disturbing and has led me to the conclusion that no contact is essential for my own well-being. Despite the initial shock and pain, I have found a sense of liberation in hearing her confession. It has lifted the guilt and burden that I had been carrying for so long, and I am now able to fully recognize the toxic nature of our relationship. It is a sad realization that I had natural haters from the moment of my birth, but it is also a testament to the strength of my own light and resilience. I refuse to allow someone with such low empathy and compassion to have any power over me. The decision to cut ties with her is one that I have made with a heavy heart, but one that is necessary for my own mental and emotional health.

[@dakoderii4221]

I feel you. My family was angry with my mom for not murdering me in the womb like my brother, all because they hated my dad. My dad is a scumbag but what did a small child have to do with it? They completely lack natural affection and are like a whirlwind destroying everything in their path then blame others for it. It is liberating to finally realize that but at the same time so unbelievable and heartbreaking that those who are supposed to love you actually want you dead. Hope you continue healing and growing.

[@kaystephens2672]

Wow. I just keep reminding myself that they were sick. I was adopted and overheaed my 83 year old mother call me and my special needs brother that to her brother on the phone. After we had helped her for 4 hours. They're sick. Just secretly sick. Too bad we finally figured them out. For them.

[@mateuszmazurek7991]

you're a survivor! You made your way out of situation when your own mother wished you death as a baby, who can hurt you now? you've seen it all!

[@ladennayoung2939]

Yes. My mother will act kind at times only because she is hoping or looking for something in return. I noticed a few days ago she was acting very friendly towards me. I wondered why and I came to the conclusion that she probably remembered that Mother's day was coming up and expecting a gift. I have something going on and wasn't really able to participate and honestly didn't feel like celebrating it. I was honestly depressed and didn't feel well. I didn't even acknowledge it and she basically started an argument than turned around and said oh, I, know what you were saying. I was just making a comment. I really can't communicate with her and her sisters because they are unhealthy individuals and refuse to acknowledge it or get better.

[@George999Welch]

I had really bad cardiac effects from covid and ultimately needed heart surgery. As soon as they called about the surgery, everything got much worse. She got drunk and punched me in the face that night. Endless threats after that, with zero regard for causing a stroke or heart attack. When I started recovering then I was worthy again. It was so transparently bad that I couldn't pretend anymore.

[@ΜΑΡΙΑΠΑΠΑΔΟΠΟΥΛΟΥ-π7ω]

Oh my God... I m so sorry to hear your experience I'm glad you are well now

[@TreeBeother]

Absolute gold..this is so encouraging on a deep level. The analogy with the magnet and compass really helped me visualize my own disoriented path while thinking I'm oriented to true north. What you said about feeling safer in the narcissist's reality and dangerous to live my truth really explains the self imploding feelings I had before I hit critical mass and went full NC. Thanks for your continual compassion to explain a difficult and invisible topic to most. The healing from that validation alone is life saving. Best to you! Everyone who is here trying to reorient TO themselves and their truths I see you. I love you and you got this. ❤

[@paulasussman4751]

You are so right Michele! It’s such a long healing process

[@ThingsILike12]

I didn’t get to resignation with mom. I left and ran to a male covert for almost 30 years. Healing is hard, but it’s worth it. It’s many steps forward and back, but progress is possible.

[@gangGreenthumb]

Spot on! The cycle continued for years until I eventually asked her to leave.

[@jezbezzer4277]

Yes that reminds me of my past relationship with a coverer narcissist, thank god im away almost no contact 5 years ago it ended 😅❤

[@Shanchelle]

This is the best video on narcissism traits that I’ve seen! The examples really helped me to recognize and understand the patterns and difference in covert verses overt traits. Thank you so much for this material. 💛

[@FromSurvivingToThriving]

So glad it helped!!!!

[@AnthonyManzio]

@@FromSurvivingToThriving Same here being bullied, mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for over 12 years. I've happened to be the top worker for 38 years and have never been suspended. These bullies are jealous and miserable people. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, I drink, I'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. The biggest mistake since they removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroyed my reputation. I will never quit to make these lazy bums ever win. If I decide to transfer to another hospital and may start mobbing once again, I don't know all the managers ect like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. I will never let bullies try to control me from quitting. Never let these low life lazy bums win ever win.

[@aishatara2713]

My mother is the covert narsistic

[@mercedessanchez6844]

Mine too!

[@truthtriumphant]

Mine was as well!

[@aishatara2713]

They are a different kind..for sure. Thankyou

[@silverlining5796]

Thank you for your work as usual

[@George999Welch]

You're the best of these channels. It must have been terrible to get to this point, but your insight is saving a lot of people. It really is almost like a theater performance being played out in the same way with different people.

[@Doe8617]

I just watched this video 3xs in a row! This is exactly what happened and I cannot get over how long this has been going on. I thought gaslighting was just saying they didnt say what they said... but this explains it!!!!!

[@fairygurl9269]

Give Your 🧠 Props For Trying & Upgrade the System...

[@Shadowman...]

I've been subscribed watching this channel for a while now and I have to say that Michele's info is the most informative and accurate out of all the channels doing this. She deserves way more views than what she gets, but you-tubes stupid evil algorithm works against it.

[@AMBELLINA77]

I second this. Her videos have been the best I have found, in delivery and content. To the point, easy to understand, no unnecessary information. She is an underrated gem.

[@priyanesan3299]

This is my Female biological parent to the T. I am 51 and buy in all her narratives. I think I am programmed to do so by her.

[@jezbezzer4277]

Thanks for another brilliant video message

[@Mattheus217]

Thank you for making videos like this and your others. Wow as I listen to this, I see how it is both skillful and sick. I have experienced these things in a long-term relationship and in recent times I see what she has been doing and how it feels like you’re losing more and more of yourself to become a shell of who you were as your life energy is drained or as your brain is brainwashed and confused Steadily you are programmed, and you are alienated or distanced from friends or family. You are told that only she cares about you and that you just remember things wrong and that somethings wrong with you and that you’re delusional, crazy but they know really what’s best. Then there is that reactive abuse where you are trying to defend yourself or set the record straight, but then you get more and more sensitized to their attacks and then they start saying that you are the problem. “See, look how emotional you are. Look how overreactive you are … why are you so angry, I’m just talking normally, you’re so mean, … you’re abusing me… you are the problem…” while they are just calm and living their life and you’re the problem! Then they will say things like “I’m the only one who really cares about you… I just want you to get help and feel better….” But that distracts you from the true source of the problem and gets you chasing endless rabbit trails and burning out while they are calm and are draining your life energy. God bless everyone who is on their healing journey to deal with their past issues and to rise above better and to find a healthy relationship in the future. May God grant you, peace, strength, boldness, and wisdom on how to break free of this dysfunction. It’s easy to feel sad and discouraged when you realize that another person has been pretending to love you or pretending to have empathy when really you were just a source of supply to them.

[@taraarrington2285]

I was just thinking about this. I was remembering my childhood and growing up and how my stepfather wooden floor these tactics on my mother and us kids basically psychological warfare and gaslighting. Someone's self-esteem down and of course isolate them and people will use your insecurities to say you're this or you're that or they'll put you down and then if you're a normal person then you will introspect and say well maybe they're right or this or that and see a narcissist or a psychopath will eat this write-up because basically they're making you own and blame shifting and you're buying into it. Basically the narcissist will think that you're a sucker because they know that they're just putting something on to you or their flinging their crap at you and your owning it.

[@markmartin2292]

The thing is narcissists have trouble remembering anything that doesn't involve their false self. They have gaps in their memory and they fill it in with stuff that probably, maybe happened and always making them look better. They lie about little things cause they don't remember the little things. It's like they're reinforcing their sanity. You are always the crazy one.

[@ladennayoung2939]

They remember they are just full of pride, and it scares them to see themselves as an actual flawed and imperfect human being like everyone else. So they would rather attack you or make you look or feel bad and use you as a form of supply in order to make themselves feel better. They don't know how to deal with issues in a healthy way and generally refuse to learn how. They will make up things to be offended by about someone, or they will remember things that someone did that hurt them or wronged them in full detail. No matter how long ago it happened. Because they refuse to let go of the victim mentality that they have and develop along the way.

[@serenityfields7514]

What you are doing and have done is fantastic!!!! Im so inspired!!!

[@platome4795]

Summarized very well

[@almohvn33]

LORD know This is SPOT ON.... THANK YOU! So sad, we, beautiful beings... were crushed by someone's mother making them either a baby (5 years old their entire life) or abused her children to point... we now have to deal with it! Thank you for this video... I have dealt with 4.... and the amount of truth in these videos ... is mind blowing. YOU HAVE TO DO THE WORK! BTW... MY situations are not lovers.... it is idiots that crossed my paths in my wonderful life. Thank you, each ... for giving me a lesson about evil.. for they are DEMON FILLED, STATNIC MORONS.. WHEW!

[@maryjanerx]

Once a year, the day before my birthday, my mom will care about what i want

[@donnaniblo2453]

This happened to me ive just went no contact I'm on my 3rd week but it nearly cost me my life 😭 the emotional torture the things that have been done to it me is absolutely disgusting but my beautiful heart that has been broken 💔 will always stay loyal im not bitter I wouldn't hurt anyone I just love and give so much of it I just wish I could give it to myself but I don't know if I will ever be able to 😢 xxxxxxxxdxxxxxx

[@paulchavez2009]

💚

[@ΜΑΡΙΑΠΑΠΑΔΟΠΟΥΛΟΥ-π7ω]

Actually, 'shock' was the word he used when I called him out for the first time. He said 'I'm shocked by your words'. I apologised. Why? I don't know. After the first calling out, the real gaslighting and abuse began. And the mask fell.

[@Mattheus217]

7 stages of gaslighting: 1. Creating a negative narrative about you. Creating false stories about how friends or family are saying bad things about you. Fake concern. 2. Repetition. Can involve false stories of how others see you. Sowing doubt and guilt. Makes you defensive. 3. Fake shock, disappointment, sadness when you point out their lies. Guilt you. Deflect blame back to you. 4. You resign, start believing their false reality. You lose touch with your perceptions and reality. Self doubt. 5. Trauma bond; creates codependent relationship. Your approval, love, value, safety, etc depends on THEM. You live in fear, instability. 6. They fake kindness, remorse to create ‘false hope.’ The “crumbs of love.” Aim is to doubt your perception about all the prior bad things. 7. The abuse cycle becomes your ‘normal.’ Ups and downs. False hope, then abuse. Loss of self; loss of identity. This type of abuse damages, you psychologically and erodes your identity. Even if you leave, there is healing work to do to regain your true and good self. time is not enough to heal it. You have to take specific actions with safe people, to rebuild INTERNAL validation instead of external. Thank you again, Michelle. This is just profound and amazing information. It also hurts to hear.

[@reboundingfromnarcissistic5386]

🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@ΜΑΡΙΑΠΑΠΑΔΟΠΟΥΛΟΥ-π7ω]

I found the covert narcissist a lot more dangerous that the overt 😢

[@Brainsolo]

Erin.

[@StephanieEno-st6xf]

Sick behavior

[@kayladoscope91]

Is it possible that some narcissists may not know or realize what they are doing? Like it's not intentional but more of a coping mechanism for their own safety? And possibly a learned behavior from past treatment? I'm not defending the narcissist, just trying to understand better and know if that's what I'm really dealing with.

[@joanndeck4315]

Some are aware, some are not….

[@jimstenlund6017]

A true Narcissist will be acting on impulse mainly, and not well-connected with reality. And yes, it’s a learned form of survival from early childhood. A person with NPD ( Narcissistic Personality Disorder ) actually ‘gaslights’ him/herself, not you the victim.

[@KingRichDavid]

❤