Frum survivors share their story of s*xual abuse and healing

[@pinny81]

Thank you so much for this amazing interview. As someone who is very involved in the scene of sexual abuse, I can say with full confidence, Ray Of Hope is an organization that literally changed the lives of survivors. The road that many survivors have taken until they found ROH was exhausting, lonely and at times hopeless. With the support of ROH, these special Neshumos went in a very short time from surviving to thriving. In my years of advocacy I met many great people who I consider heroes for doing amazing work in saving lives. Since Zeldy introduced me to the great work of ROH, I was able to introduce many survivors to ROH. After getting first hand feedback from members of ROH and how it changed their lives, and not only for themselves, but their spouses and the entire family. Calling Zeldy a hero, is an understatement. Zeldy is a giant amongst giants. Pinny Taub

[@srulywettenstein9471]

Super powerful and important! Kudos to all of you for putting such a podcast out! Remember there is healing and your not alone!

[@zahavalist9540]

I am so amazed with Zeldy and Bashie for your bravery and making yourselves vulnerable to give a voice for so many of us who experienced sexual abuse. You are making a huge impact and gave us all so much hope!

[@nechama5913]

Thank you for making this episode and for these amazing women who spreading awareness ❤

[@ABCD-ir4nw]

Thanks for putting this out here at the right time. I was just accepted into ROH. I'd never want to be part of this organization but I'm grateful to have a place to turn to for support while being so lost and alone. ❤

[@edenmitrany6620]

Excellent. Thank you for bravely sharing these insights. The awareness you are spreading is crucial.

[@kodomotachi1]

You always bring amazing messengers of H'm's greatness. These women are particularly important, and the topic must be spoken about more. Thank you, to the four of you.

[@user-do9lb8iy9p]

Thank you for speaking up Zeldy❤❤

[@shirak3225]

Thank you for this important episode, these women are amazing ❤

[@judithbitton2858]

How awsome!! I applaud you both. Such grace talking about something so sensitive and personal. May hashem help you heal these precious neshamos.♡♡♡

[@MsMuradova]

Wow, thanks so so much for sharing!! This is such and important discussion, we need more of this! This is so scary 😳🤯. I'm terrified for our children, there are so many sick people out there, I wonder if it's our negligence in keeping the laws of yihud properly, and certain communities protecting these predators instead of telling the authorities on them, they belong in jail, far away from people. I hope this will be a wake up call to all frum communitys, they need to wake up and protect our children!!

[@Tm-gg2mz]

Such an important topic, thank you for discussing! I was SA as a little kid and completely repressed any memories. Ended up with severe Anxiety, Anorexia and self harming for years. BH I am healed but the long term damage caused by this type of abuse can be severe and go on for years. I don't think people understand just how careful they need to be with their kids. Learn about the grooming process. Make sure your kids are securely attached to you, build an open and trusting relationship and model having boundaries. If someone does anything to make your kid uncomfortable, stand up for them! That could be something as small as a stranger stroking your child's face. Your child's body is off-limits to others and you need to let people know this. It's not called being rude, it's called establishing boundaries. If someone touches my kid or gets in their personal space, I will 1) tell the person to stop, 2)put myself between the person and my child and 3)move my child from the presence of that person if necessary. That not only shows the person that my kid is not to be messed with, but more importantly, shows my kid that their personal boundaries comes before another person's potential feelings of discomfort. I will also validate my child when they come to me when they are uncomfortable. For example, if a stranger comes near my kids, they immediately come to me, it's not something I taught them but they do it instinctively. I let them know they did the right thing by coming to mommy when they felt nervous or uncomfortable. I also won't allow a lot of things many parents think are normal. No sleepovers, no playing in closed rooms, girls don't walk alone, check out potential teachers, no play dates for young children in other homes without my being present, no hosting unknown guests in our home for sleeping or if so, kids door is locked and my husband or I sleep in the little kids room, check in on and make sure you know where your kids are regularly (every few minutes for young children and obviously less for older kids or teens). Things can happen in minutes and sometimes right under your nose. Usually by someone close to your child or who has easy access to your child. I don't think you can ever be too careful and at the same time it is important to make sure not to cause fear in a child, just educate and take precautions in a calm and measured way.

[@JJ-kf4kc]

Mostly agree. But making your kids a neurotic mess isn't good either....

[@tg2683]

You're amazing! But I wonder up to where you need to protect your children and stop at a certain point and leave the rest to Hashem. Kids need room to be kids.

[@mfs452]

Important to teach your kids is that you can discuss anything with parents

[@LACITY10]

You should right a book

[@paulagrill5881]

This was so heartwarming. I applaud these women. What I wish had been brought out, however, was what happens when children can’t talk to parents, when there hasn’t been a safe space created for them to talk, because the parent was the abuser. Such was case for me. I’m in my 70’s and still burdened with the negative effects of unresolved trauma from decades past, even with therapy, even with having Hashem in my life.

[@JoseGreenspon-rg4dp]

Thank you for this amazing interview. It’s not just boys. Flashbacks often don’t come back for decades. While I had flashbacks for years and years I only thought it was a nightmare and I only began to have real memories in my 40’s, and when I did, I had to walk away from being frum. My abuser was my 1st grade rebbe.

[@alishademmery3581]

I was raped by my ex best friends husband on and off for years and I spoke up went to the authorities and reported it I went several times to make a statement each time I had a breakdowns. The police officers I spoke to were brilliant kind.

[@yonisamber8169]

This is what brave frum women look like.

[@betsylittmann546]

Kol Hakovod to u beautiful, brave ladies.

[@annonimiss6422]

My intention isn't to discredit how prevalent sexual abuse is in our community, as I'm aware that jhst like it's prevalent in the secular world, It's prevalent amongst us too. However, I think it's good for listeners to know that regarding the 90%, that was a specific therapist giving a statistic about *her* clients. Which means that she very likely specializes in sexual abuse. Sexual abuse survivors will often seek out someone who specializes in their trauma, just like domestic abuse survivors might seek out therapists who specialize in DA. You'll find plenty of therapists who don't have many clients (or any) who were abused because it's not their specialty. So her 90% doesn't mean that 90% of people in therapy are survivors of sexual abuse.

[@estherschwarz7611]

This is incredible!!! Thank you for bringing this topic to the light!!!🙏

[@anitakoch7870]

Something good to hear or say is: ''IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT !"

[@janinelouquet1179]

🥺😩💪🥰 I’m in tears, both from remembering, and being so very proud of these beautiful souls for tackling one of the most important and challenging topics. Religious or not, we all have people who add to the pain with their disbelief and extremely painful comments. You are giving so many a safe space to speak up. Also, I agree that EMDR is a very effective tool for healing, a miracle even 🙏 Baruch Hashem Always, even through, especially through, the painful recovery process. May Hashem richly bless all of you and your families!! 🙏🥰🙏

[@nancydunks9095]

I recall seeing a KZbin video of a young man who went OTD after being in an orthodox prep school or yeshiva, I forget which, and he was abused by a rabbi and also by a fellow student. One would not like to think this happens among the Jewish people, but it probably does happen more often than we would think. Exposing the crime and offering compassion and healing to the victims is a start. May HaShem bless your efforts to bring these situations to the surface, and may He heal those who were so awfully wounded.

[@eilashearer8474]

Thank you for this amazing time with you all, at Meaningful People’s studio. A lot to reflect on, to give thanks to YHVH for. He surely hears, covers and dwells within any and all who call to Him. The healing journey is different for all, and defines us. Love and validation from family and peers is necessary for life and Life in Him, who is our Creator and so, our Life in all its journey, healing and growth in Him. Bravery and wisdom shine in these women, and through their lives.

[@rayzstreicher9273]

You guys are amazing!!! ❤

[@heythereall]

I think she mispoke, its not 90 percent of frum women who went through it. I believe its 90 percent of people in therapy

[@moshegoldberger3518]

No, it might be more

[@annonimiss6422]

She was saying that it's 90% of _her_ clients. Which means that she probably specializes in sexual abuse.

[@myopinions1]

That is what she said. She said all her clients. But it's 1/4 of every class at least and 1/6 of boys. Minimum.

[@LACITY10]

Huh bruh

[@JJ-kf4kc]

As an outsider, would appreciate it if this podcast included the English translations along with whatever dialect the guests are speaking....... I'm assuming this podcast is out there for everyone....(?) Please make it so that everyone, can understand.

[@shifrafried3650]

So powerful! Thank you Zelda & Bashy for your tremendous courage! Hashem should guide you That you should continue to be a light …To help heal all those who need healing…

[@BrochaKlein]

As with any painful experiences, it's important to find a therapist who you trust and feel comfortable speaking with. A good therapist should be able to help you get through it in 3 or 4 sessions. Unless it's PTSD. I was very uncomfortable talking about it, so I texted my therapist and that was it. B"H I had a super supportive therapist, that I could even text him/ her. And of course, accept the pain.

[@tg2683]

WOW! Such brave women! I could never talk about my abuse in a public(or private) format. Kol Hakavod!

[@chayafordonski]

so good! so necessary! so important!

[@YaakovBerger]

Thank you for this podcast and to Zeldy for all her organization does. Can there more details on their statement that 90% of women are sexually abused, where is this data from?

[@JoseGreenspon-rg4dp]

Sexual abuse is murdering the neshama, the soul, and its why so many of our healing necessitates shedding yidishkeit

[@irispect6565]

My parents told me it’s between myself and my brother. Yes my brother who was 4 years older. I was 45 before I came out with the truth. That’s what they said, it’s between the two of you as though I was complicit.

[@lenoreandreas4000]

They basically said, “it’s between the two of you to work it out,” as though you were just wrestling. That’s terrible. 😢

[@devorahberlin7509]

That’s horrible!! I’m so sorry!

[@bfire-m5y]

I don't want to belittle the necessary and good work Zelda and Bashy are doing. It's heartbreaking that there is even a need for their organization in our community. However, I take issue with one of the hosts saying he "thinks" that 1 in 4 people in our community have experienced SA. Is that a statistic? If so, from where? I find that hard to believe. Potentially false information like that in the wrong hands could be a chillul Hashem. I think you should research and clarify before throwing out statistics like that in a public forum.

[@ejpla3591]

And what if the parents, specifically the mother, is the perpetrator? Where's a kid gonna get help then? No one's gonna believe her now. . . .

[@BrochaKlein]

When we leave our parents home and are mature enough to marry, we should be mature enough to find a therapist who you can trust to speak about it.

[@MendyMarcus]

29:22 when you stop thinking God is doing it and realize humans are then you'll realize it's in your hands to protect your community, it's in your hands to punish bad people.

[@zhulyi]

I think about the stuff that I could done it hurts like hell it is never safe in here in my mind I always see these faces it haunts me I wish that I could be someone else with easier private life and love life this is how the trauma feels

[@myopinions1]

Dina was the first open victim.

[@lenoreandreas4000]

Yeah, but her family went to bat for her. The commentaries are guilty of blaming her for being too “open”. The past 30 years or so, we’re finding out how many victims don’t have anyone going to bat for them, no, it’s the exact opposite. 😡

[@maxsmart99]

how can someone make a donation to Ray of Hope? What’s the website?

[@soniahershcovich182]

Wow so inspiring Wow bashie you are amazing ❤❤

[@tessajetta8146]

My frum father sa’d me my whole life is a ptsd

[@chanyzv]

😢

[@mfs452]

If he considered him self being frum and did it that is the biggest trauma and causes hate to frum people

[@tessajetta8146]

@@mfs452 yep that’s why I left

[@tessajetta8146]

@@chanyzv ty

[@mfs452]

​@tessajetta8146 but leaving doesn't help it only hurts more whenever you think about what could have been it is vary sad hard to judge but I believe whole heartedly that if you can go back in time you would have dealt with it differently

[@MendyMarcus]

20:00 is crazy that she considers "he was fired" that it was delt with. There is no bet din today, it must become normal to call the police.

[@SaraFreedMiami]

I'm sure THERE'S more of us that their perpetrators are frim family members.....that donr. 1:09 1:10 So what does Hashem want from us now? Discuss: 27:13 When parents and siblings are the perpetratorS😮 When there were abortions, etc. Sara F. 1:46

[@JoseGreenspon-rg4dp]

Wow. I’m so sorry you survived this. The questions you are asking are also questions I have. My raging anger towards Hashem has fluctuated between that or just not believing that Hashem exists. It’s taken years to get to a place where I don’t hate Hashem. I say I have a complicated relationship with Hashem

[@AliyahBirdman]

Can we have the link to Bashi’s book please?

[@maydavies888]

❤❤❤

[@HM-pb5eg]

Heroines

[@myopinions1]

Read how long does it hurt 59:00 she answers that at the end.

[@betsylittmann546]

From what I learned many years ago itvwas 1 out of 3 girls and 1 out of 4 boys. This was FBI stats many years ago. I personally feel with boys it’s just as high as girls.

[@chanyzv]

❤

[@shalvahmbmacdonald8487]

💕

[@chatisawasteoftime]

Wait. She was abused at age 3, had no memory of it for 32 years, during which she suffered mental illness, and then, thanks to a therapist, remembered what happened. Make this make sense.

[@Eitanlevy36]

you never heard of subconscious ? Educate yourself before asking your question in a challenging way

[@BrochaKlein]

Because she was experiencing PTSD and panic attacks when taking out her children's clothes, she knew she had to speak to someone about it. Traumatic experiences get stored in the unconscious. And it's ok that memories come from the unconscious to the conscious. When memories are suppressed, it affects us in negative ways, both emotionally and physically. But once the memories are brought to the conscious, the brain is supposed to reprogram itself, and people should accept the painful experience and let it heal. A good therapist should know how to work with this. It's important to find a therapist you trust.

[@chatisawasteoftime]

@@BrochaKlein Who's to know if what happened really happened, if she had no memory of it and was mentally ill in the interim? Something is off. Not all therapy is good therapy, and people trust bad therapists all the time. So there's that.

[@Eitanlevy36]

@@devorahberlin7509 read my response to original post

[@Eitanlevy36]

@@devorahberlin7509 I heard of the term, don’t know much about it

[@user-do9lb8iy9p]

❤❤❤❤❤

[@Iamchasidish]

Love you a minute mate sign

[@bz1994]

🇮🇱❤️🇮🇱

[@tewkfilm958]

Tikkun? HaOlam?

[@tewkfilm958]

Mashiach? Achshav?

[@tewkfilm958]

Eem lo Achsav? Matie?

[@tewkfilm958]

Todah l'torah: Have a good rest of Shabbat today.

[@mo5ago1]

#metoo

[@chayarivka9903]

Please add the link/phone # for call halacha to the info..thanks! ( The number is incomplete in the transcript)