Fundie Wife Shares Her 'Knowledge' For Young Women

Today we're looking at the next part of Debi Pearl's book, 'Preparing to be a Helpmeet'.
Part 1: • When Your Relationship...
Part 2: • Debi Pearl Blames Wive...
More videos about the Pearls:
• Reviews of Michael and...
What is a Disease?
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[@anulydal]

This woman's "knowledge" about autism is killing me. I'm an autistic adult, and yes my life is more difficult than your average neurotypical person. It is not however a disease that needs curing. It's a disability yes, but really it's just a giant spectrum of different beautiful people!

[@twiggledowntown3564]

Preach.

[@cxaxukluth6331]

YES. Autism can make things harder, but it does not invalidate or infantilize us as people. We deserve the same respect as given to everyone else. We are beautiful.

[@anulydal]

Yes, absolutely. Yes.

[@itscjrodgers]

Came to say exactly that! It's difficult to handle sometimes, but I wasn't diagnosed until I was 21, which means I lost out on a lot of important time to learn coping skills and be able to better advocate for what I needed in school. I'm trying to make up for lost time, and it's been hard. But I'm not a burden on anyone, and I have a lot to contribute.

[@anulydal]

@@itscjrodgers yes you do! I wasn't diagnosed until 29, and that was 10 years ago. I had a lot of unlearning, and relearning to do, and I'm still on that journey. I'm great at advocating for my needs now, but it took time to get there. Also: if I had a dollar for every jackass that told me to my face I'm not autistic because I can -insert random autistic stereotype- I could take a week off from my full time job.🙄

[@chandraa5333]

Can we talk about how sinister it is to tell women to not have friends. Like that systemicly (the church being the system) isolates women making them more valuable to abuse. If the church can convince women to not be close or talk about things, a step in the abuse process was just done for the abuser. Edit- Typed this before Rachel said it lol.

[@RachelOates]

This!!

[@AW-uv3cb]

Absolutely! Not to mention that this is denying people the basic human psychological need of companionship. Even if there is no abuse from anyone else, not having a support network around you is enough to make you feel depressed and unhappy.

[@xbxlxexhx]

That's one of the tactics they use in the cults too. Saw a short vid, where an older lady - a cult expert & an ex-cultist - describes them from within. The parallels with some of the organised (semi-)religious groups are chilling.

[@xbxlxexhx]

​@The Disreputable I'm glad your world is a logical and reasonable place, where in your life no ridiculous thing ever happens :D Ah, so my cousin's ex was a nobody? Wait, he didn't tell her "not to have friends", that asshole told her not to see them, her family, etc. So *technically* he didn't tell her not to have friends, which makes it ok? The dude gaslighted her to the point of mental breakdown, after which her common sense started kicking in and breaking her illusions regarding his motifs. Am I to treat my cousin and her ex as "diversity dictators" who fabricated their story to push some evil agenda? Are you going to tell us next how in relationships women can't also be abusive, manipulative dicks towards men? Not saying what you said is not a serious matter; just saying you have a serious case of cherry picking of information based on what suits or doesn't suit your narrative, making you disregard any evidence, which may contradict your point of view, as a fabrication of some malignant forces. You know "that's what the bigfoots(feet?)/aliens/government/demons/enemy wants us to think"-type of thing. Having convictions, which are polar opposites to the ones held by individuals belonging to the left-extremism, doesn't make your narrative sound less absurd than theirs.

[@KaylaNoelle1]

This is extremely sinister! They know that if women have friends who love them and have their best interest at heart they will do the most to ensure that their friend's *husbands* ALSO love them and have their best interest at heart... and Christians just CANNOT HAVE THAT! I was with my first boyfriend for nearly 8 years and when he started exhibiting emotionally neglectful and financially abusive behaviors I had all of my friends spending hours on facetime or out for a meal talking me through everything and encouraging me to leave him. They patiently stood by me, encouraging me to leave for 2 years. Debi would call that "gabbing" and "gossiping" but it saved me from an even worse depressive episode or completely losing myself to abuse. Having a solid friend group literally saved my life because that relationship was going downhill FAST and I was still stuck on the innocent teenage boy I fell in love with. My friends, and even HIS friends with whom I had become close, had to tell me over and over "He's changed drastically in the last few years and after having come into money quickly with crypto. He's not the same person anymore and may never be that person again." It takes most women 7 tries to get out of an abusive relationship, yet, with a strong network of friends, it took me 2 tries. If it had been physical/sexual abuse along with the financial and emotional abuse my friends would have showed up with a truck and had me packed off after the first offense. Then they would have kept me busy and kept him away so I wouldn't go back. This is SO Vital for women, especially if, like me, they were living far away from home and their family for most of the relationship! Women need a support system everywhere they live in order to be safe. You can't take your family with you everywhere so it's natural to make friends, especially with other women, they are a LIFELINE. I have also heard so many women who have been through a breakup say that their biggest regret was neglecting their platonic relationships and putting all of their time and energy exclusively into the romantic relationship. Friendships *are* relationships, they take work but I honestly don't think any human being can live a healthy life without healthy friendships. FUCK Debi for demonizing THE most human thing in the world.

[@canadalovesanime3137]

The part where she claims that autism was "unheard of" until recently. My mother told me about a family she knew growing up. They had a disabled child. Doctors told the parents to "send the baby away". They were told the child was a vegetable that would drain their resources and destroy their lives. They didn't listen, they also didn't treat her different form her older brother. She has serious challenges and can't live 100% independently, but she took care of her elderly sick parents until their death(with help from the brother). Many of these "broken kids" were sent away to suffer in "care hospitals" where many didn't survive early childhood. That is the real reason why these conditions were so "unknown". I have heard many stories of adult children finding out that they have older siblings they never knew existed, because the sibling was "sent away". Can you even imagine what it feels like to find out you are now expected to provide for the hospice care of a sibling you never even met?

[@rainbowkrampus]

The famous line is, "The past is like a foreign country, they do things different there." But really, the past is a reprehensible shithole. The further we get away from it, the better.

[@casey_lee9804]

We actually have examples of autism historically. It just wasn’t referred to as such. Look up changelings

[@canadalovesanime3137]

@@casey_lee9804 Yes but they were treated as "dirty little secrets" and were sent to be "cared for" in these "hospitals" where they were horribly neglected to the point many died. Also, no one would dare even mention that these children ever existed(ie the secret part)

[@canadalovesanime3137]

@@rainbowkrampus Agreed!

[@flamingoqueen281]

Add to that a lot of the "increase" is just better diagnosis of kids that in previous eras would just be considered a little odd.

[@metademetra]

The bit about her seeing the Angel of Darkness honestly sounds like post-partum depression. She needed actual help, and her husband just brushed her off. Granted my sympathy ended as soon as she showed happiness that someone else's child died instead of hers.

[@Annie_Annie__]

Same here. I had postpartum anxiety that worsened in to postpartum psychosis when I had my kid 12 years ago. I was convinced that if I didn’t watch him at all times he would stop breathing in his sleep. At night, when I was usually at my worst due to lack of sleep and because that’s when my husband worked, so I was alone with the baby, I frequently saw dark shadows that looked like they were coming for my baby. I’m atheist and was then, but I still worried that maybe I was wrong and dark spirits were coming for my baby to punish me for my sins. As I got worse I also heard a voice that kept telling me that I was a horrible mother and wife and that my baby and husband would be better off if I just disappeared. I’m lucky that my husband saw how sick I was. I didn’t tell him about the seeing shadows or hearing voices, but he’d see me randomly cover my ears and he knew I wasn’t eating or sleeping unless he practically forced me to. He got me a doctors appointment, went with me, and told the doc what was up. The doc got me on meds immediately and pulled some strings to get me in to see a psychiatrist that week. Best decision ever. Within 2 weeks I was thinking clearly again and felt more like myself. This story rang so many bells for me and sounded so much like the panic attacks I used to have. I’m grateful that my husband understood that it wasn’t demonic forces or whatever, it was a chemical imbalance in my brain that needed to be righted.

[@KaylaNoelle1]

Absolutely FOUL of her to not only think that but to put it down in writing. That cult really warps their natural human empathy until it's just a shriveled little husk in their cold dead hearts. But you're right, it gave me definite "The Yellow Wallpaper" vibes... although she'll never see the parallels because Charlotte Perkins Gilman was a spoOky SCArY FEMINIST!

[@KellyDVance]

I'd like to address the 25 y/o who sent you a comment: Hi. I am nearly 43. I will be celebrating my 13th wedding anniversary on April 30th of this year. (2022) I can speak, from experience, about what makes my marriage work. Being an equal partner and good communication. You want to know when my marriage was the rockiest? When I passively let my husband have his way all the time. If your husband only wants a submissive and obedient wife, than it isn't a partner he wants. He wants a maid, a cook, a bedwarmer, a sex object, and a breeding mechanism. If you step outside of those parameters and he gets upset, you are not his equal. My parents have been married for over 40 years, never did my father treat my mother as anything other than an equal. If you choose to live that lifestyle, good for you. Feminism says that you get to make that choice. But when others call out clear advocacy for abusive relationships, you might want to do some reflection on why you are defending it.

[@xbxlxexhx]

Thank you for such an open, heartfelt read! I hope you'll be having most wonderful anniversaries to come! I'm sure there's a plenty of materialistic people out there, like the ones you described, who seek servants instead of partners. There's also another interesting category of hapless people. Some of the people I know can't (or won't) differentiate _being in love_ from _loving._ Although its colors can oftentimes be brightened now and again, funnily, the feeling of being in love fades with time. It has something to do with how our hormones work. Maybe they try to compensate some unresolved issues by seeking that "high", that this tender feeling brings... I don't know. They keep on chasing after it through all their grownup lives. As the feeling fades, they usually either break up or have an affair. They're restless when they're single. So they constantly end up in a situation, where they live with a stranger, whose "such adorable little flaws" have become something nigh unbearable. Some of them manage to keep living together. Some of them even manage to get children. Maybe it's my lack of fantasy, but I can't picture a healthy marriage where the loving friendship & trusting partnership aren't built together. Aren't these the most fundamental parts in nigh most mutually beneficial relationships? And let's be honest, falling in love - over and over - with our dearest friend, who's also our reliable partner, is so much easier than trying it with someone who has become estranged & has acquired some detested intestines. =) Same goes for forgiving, seeking compromise, etc. I guess the opposite must also be true. I can picture myself being relieved, parting ways with a stranger; not so much with a friend.

[@beyondallmeasure]

This. I've been married for 22 years and I support this message.

[@susanholtsclaw958]

exactly, i've been married for about 26 years, and our marriage works, because we work together, we are partners in this. i have read the book (the church did study on it), and i DO NOT recommend that book to any one

[@sidneymcadorey1412]

Hey Rachel, my aunt was murdered by my uncle, while their two little girls (eight and nine years old) slept in the next room. The worst absolutely can happen. Thank you for talking about this. ALWAYS know that you deserve better. NEVER excuse early signs of abuse. There are people in the world who will love and respect you. You can love and respect you.

[@Saibellus]

This book is so blind to the contradictions in its own philosophy, promoting passive responsibility and ignorant wisdom. This ideal servile woman must be a follower and rely on the strong guidance of her man, but if her man is not fulfilling his end of the bargain she is responsible for creating the circumstances necessary for him to succeed. This perfect wife must never give the impression that she is self-sufficient or unhappy, but instead devote all her energy to making sure her husband feels like a big strong man who could never disappoint her. His strengths are his own, his failures are hers. Similarly, this perfect woman cannot pursue any goals or interests of her own. She must remain ignorant to all aspects of life that aren't a narrow sliver of religion and marital servitude. And yet, she must somehow display deep intuitive knowledge of social niceties and her precise role in this life. She must be an ideal mother, nurturer, cook, wife, homemaker, and more, without engaging in any of the networking and education that humanity has relied on for thousands of years to add to and draw from our collective knowledge. It's a ludicrous and unfair set of expectations that no one could possibly live up to for long. The cruel irony of selling this idea of men being gods chosen superior sex, and yet 90% of her advice is about how to make yourself small and keep all your hard work out of sight so your precious husband never gets his ego wounded. This illusion is part of what leads men who believe in such things to be abusive and even murderous. "Their" women are there to make them feel good about themselves at any cost. Even that of their lives.

[@goldenmaplearts1264]

Sorry for your loss

[@zanili]

The “think again debi” at the autism part 👌👌👌👌👌👌 I’m so sick of people who have no idea what autism really is making up random crap. And when she said that schizophrenia causes multiple personalities, I laughed out loud 😂

[@MrBeeZhelyazko]

I have autism

[@zanili]

@@MrBeeZhelyazko me too

[@Kartissa]

In her defence, schizophrenia *does* mean 'split mind.' A lot of people think that must mean multiple personalities. (And yes, I can't believe that I'm trying to defend Debi Pearl. I need to go and have a long shower, now....)

[@Kartissa]

@@BooksandBuns Maybe it's a cultural thing, but I heard it quite a lot while I was growing up here in the UK. That was about 30 years ago, mind.

[@astolat2262]

@@Kartissa same

[@safala]

As a 19 year old (yeah, I'm younger than the commentor but who cares), I can say that you are one of the creators who have helped me not idealize abusive relationships by making content like this. I had read (fiction) books romanticizing abusive partners for a small portion of my teenage years and unknowingly, I had started idealizing similar behaviors in romantic partners. I know that my situation is not related to advice books but I just wanted to let you know that by saying 'hey, what this book is saying is abusive' you have helped me understand that 'hey, this action is abusive'. I can't thank you enough for that.

[@Raztiana]

It's awesome that you have realized this at 19! A lot of women (and men) don't until much later, ant that's really unhealthy. When I was your age (I'm 31) Twilight was huge, and girls and women around me fell in love with violent and controlling male characters. Men like that are a serious danger to our health, and our lives(!!!!!), and the sooner we learn it the better.

[@salo6724]

Dear Rachel, your work is valuable! That person who commented that you were too young to understand is probably deep in denial about their own abusive situation, or lucky to be with a man who does not abuse this power given to him by the whole help-meet setup, and for thus concluding that any man could be "healed" to not be that way by a submissive enough wife. Much like with Debi Pearl herself, it saddens me knowing these people are victims at the mercy of their own beliefs, but equally, it does not excuse them trying to get more people into this same suffering. The arguments you present opposing their narrative are very good and much needed. Keep it up, and most importantly, keep cuddling Kyra :D

[@lsmmoore1]

And yesterday I learned that there are ways in which women can perform an oral act (you know what I mean) if said woman genuinely takes pleasure in it - ways that are completely out of reach for folks who do NOT take pleasure in it (because evolution doesn't give a way that works in spite of lack of pleasure because oral acts do not lead to reproduction - though they can lead to medical or dental bills if the party that goes into the mouth has piercings). And if said woman is married to a man who wants oral acts, then it's IMPOSSIBLE for that woman to be submissive enough for him - her lack of genuine pleasure means that the means for her to properly perform an oral act are unavailable. And FYI, there are essential oil MLMs who promise that their essential oils are a remedy for this "problem" - nope. The problem is the woman has no genuine like for these oral acts and thus has ZERO biological capability to perform them, and if hubby wants that, he needs to find another woman - and the woman either needs to be single or find a new husband.

[@RachelOates]

Thank you so much ❤️

[@resourcedragon]

@@lsmmoore1: I had no idea that a woman could take pleasure in fellatio.

[@rishabhanand4973]

ngl i am actually so worried about that commenter. Like what is she walking into?

[@martaaleksejczuk1660]

I like how Debby writes "If you are like most girls" and continues with some crazy shit I never heared anybody doing.

[@twawndawlight102]

I hate the notion that mental health issues have only appeared in the last couple of decades. No Debbie, just like cancer, they've always existed. People just suffered and died.

[@carishaw4143]

They've existed and put away in a "home", then sadly forgotten

[@IruneSkye]

I'm autistic. Autism didn't "destroy me" if anything did it was trauma caused by allistics.

[@72JeanYves]

The love Kyra has in her face when she looks at you brings literal tears in my eyes ..and I'm a 116 kg boofy 50 year old man. I love also how you are so fine with smoochies from her. I'm the same with my furry granddaughter and to be honest any other dog I get to get them from. As for the kid who is so deluded but thinks she knows so much ... she is in for a very unhappy marriage for sure. A man who wants to be served by his wife is not a king, but a tyrant.

[@abigailxmary]

why am i almost crying at the words furry granddaughter omg, absolutely adorable

[@mollymontgomery4565]

As an AFAB person, the mere idea of putting vinegar or baking soda anywhere NEAR my genitalia made me physically recoil. Didn't know the XY chromosome thing was BS, thank you for the education

[@sarakw2599]

Sperm do carry either an x or y chromosome, it's just that sperm don't act differently based on which chromosome they carry. There aren't "male acting" and "female acting" sperm as Debi seems to think. There also aren't different times when a sperm with an x or y chromosome is more likely to implant in an egg. Hopefully this helps and I didn't misunderstand your comment!

[@abigailxmary]

@@sarakw2599 isn't the whole sperm meeting egg thing essentially just luck of the draw?? All those old wives tales of how to conceive a certain sex always made me laugh, they're so absurd lmao

[@catherinecoen4349]

“I didn’t need to be married to be abused” ... If you find yourself or your partner only focusing on YOUR flaws and perceptions and how YOU should change, don’t ever consider becoming legally bound to this person. Speaking from experience.

[@madelineswan9791]

Even though the part where you discussed your abuse was incredibly heartbreaking, I LOVE how Kyra sensed your discomfort and tried to comfort you!! We don't deserve Kyra she's such a beautiful soul

[@carolynj6144]

I love what you said in the beginning to the commenter. I just left my abusive relationship of almost 3 years, and your videos were one of the many things that eventually made me accept my reality and walk away. It has not been easy, but your channel has been one of the resources that has offered me reassurance that I am not crazy and that I’m allowed to feel what I feel. *By the way I am 27, going on 28 so the age thing also would not apply to me if we’re taking advice from a 25 year old 😅

[@julielovesmcr]

Some people don't realize that once the possibility of death has been introduced, you tend to feel like its possible with everyone.

[@KatPadmore]

Having watched HBomberGuy's video on vaccines "causing autism", the mention of gut bacteria being the reason I'm autistic literally made my eye twitch.

[@Itri_Vega]

That video is excellent.

[@jackriver8385]

I am Autistic, and my son likely is too (I recognise a lot of Autistic traits, he hasn't been tested yet), and the bit about autism makes me so mad.. We do NOT have a disease and there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with being Autistic or having an Autistic child. We are just people existing in the world, and our brains just work differently than the norm. My son is not destroyed, he's an amazing little kid, and the parental rage I feel towards Debi to say such horrible things about literal children is unreal. edit to say omfg the bit about beans and vegetables. Bitch I'm vegan, my son and I eat plenty of beans and vegetables. We are both sensory seeking when it comes to food and love the crunch of raw vegetables. But I guess she would blame the amount of soy we eat or whatever even though it's the best non meat source of protein

[@friend_trilobot]

"I take everything she says with not just a grain of salt, but a small mountain of salt" A pillar of salt, if you will

[@Mads_L_M]

My boyfriends grandma told me that she’s convinced that she had so many daughters because she,”douched with white vinegar.” And I’m very displeased with her having told me this in my second ever conversation with her, with her assuming I want to ever become pregnant, and now the origin of that “information”

[@rayw.6677]

I grew up with the whole “women have periods because Eve sinned” nonsense. I remember thinking that was so unfair.

[@butterbeanqueen8148]

As a 58 year old woman I’d like to let you know how valuable your videos have been for me. I’ve come out of a decades long narcissistic, abusive relationship. You’ve helped me understand how I fell into this relationship. And how right I was to get out of it even though I’ve lost all my friends and any financial security. I’m glad I left and have never felt better. You are beautiful inside and out. Never change.

[@RachelOates]

That means so much thank you, I am so so happy I could help in some way ♥️

[@resourcedragon]

The Amazonian frog poison in "the stomachs of people with "multiple personalities from schizophrenia" and "people with autism" sounds like something Andrew Wakefield would come up with.

[@warlordofbritannia]

22:30 I don’t think I’ve ever been more personally offended by someone I’ve never met-calling autism a destructive disease makes me feel like she’s saying I’m a societal cancer, which in turn reminds me of propaganda from a certain place in history that portrayed a group of people as a literal disease on civilization in order to justify the systematic slaughter of six million innocent lives. It’s so very dehumanizing and even dangerous, not to mention offensive and dismissive Tbh, I’ve grown to appreciate being on the spectrum as I’ve matured and at this point in my mid-twenties I can’t imagine the kind of person I’d be if I wasn’t neurodivergent; I figure I’d be far less interesting and probably dumber lol. And I’m much rather be alive and autistic than normative and dead because my parents never got me vaccinated, thinking that a dead child was better than an autistic one

[@eugenie8661]

Preach! As a child of TWO indoors smokers (not anymore, I harrassed them so HARD about cigarette smell+smoke that they quit a couple years before I turned 10), my immune system was ruined, I had respiratory infections/viruses so many times, I'm certain I would not have made it out alive if they were anti-vaxxer... Little did they know they had a very oversensitive autistic little girl... But then again, awareness for autism is repulsively low, the general majority of neuro-typicals have absolutely no desire to learn... I do NOT envy them, I prefer my excessive autistic empathy, makes me a better person to be around (mostly for myself but for my close ones too lol) My parents are good now, I'm an adult, got therapy, discovered the autism with professionnals, living on my own. I'm obviously still learning, but I understand myself WAYYYY better now, it's truly liberating

[@jo_helaci]

I've lived through the same thing. It is absolutely terrifying, and I still have nightmares and check so that the door is locked several times before I go to sleep. Abuse is always the abuser's fault. So good that you address these things.

[@sinifexxephinis4310]

I love that Kyra can sense when you're upset and stressed and tries to help. It's horrifying what she is suggesting and telling people to do and terrifying what you went through.

[@jennym-lsh]

These kind of books make me sick, and it’s actually terrifying that so many young women follow this rubbish and are brainwashed to thinking they are inferior. You speak so much truth Rachel, never stop. Why is this world so disgusting? Humans are the worst on the most part

[@zedelstein2826]

Hearing the death Angel story makes me worry about the authors mental health. The way she described the feeling in her chest and how she reacted makes me think she was having a severe panic attack.

[@kangaroomommy4457]

I read Debi's homeschooling book. It was... interesting. Apparently they were investigated by child protection for homeschooling but not for beating her children. They were also planning to flee the US before enrolling their kids in school. Also there was a section that somehow brought up abortion in a homeschooling book?

[@ParodyIncTheWeirdets]

lets get this straight: i did NOT ruin my family's life cuz im autistic. i ruined it because im an unlikable silly billy, theres a difference

[@annabeinglazy5580]

I knew that Debbie was a... Unsavoury Person but the fact that she thinks that she knows what an IUD does while NOT believing any professional. How exactly does she know about IUDs then? Did she get her hands on one and studied it herself? Did she do self-study on the female reproductive tract? She doesnt believe in education, so how does she educate herself? If she wants to learn without learning from professionals, then she would have to do her own studies on everything. Which... Has pretty weird implications when it comes to studying Anatomy and all... What are you doing with those kitchen knives, Debby? O_o

[@sninckashley9514]

"Do not put vinegar in your vagina." Well, shit, there goes my Tuesday. What the fuck am I supposed to do now?

[@TrinityTronos]

Fun fact: The Angels people describe in the bible are not really human with wings, in fact they are known to have many, many wings to cover their and one of them is called "the wheel" or orphiam. It is a literal three wheel in a round while has many eyes on it's wheels, seeing everyone and everything. They say "don't be afraid." For a reason, folks.

[@warlordofbritannia]

Oh yeah, they’re more like Eldritch horrors than angelic beings (pun fully intended)

[@ryanrenn4815]

well, the lower choirs are still mostly humanesque. the higher ones get weird tho! I especially like that cherubs, which are so commonly associated with baby faces and halos, are described as having numerous animal faces :)

[@audreytwo]

to be fair orphiams aren't the type of angels that appear to people and say "be not afraid".

[@soyevquirsefron990]

You can absolutely judge things you haven’t personally experienced. Anyone can, you think about things and have opinions on them and you can decide, for me that’s a bad situation and I’m afraid to get into it cause I don’t want those things to happen. And you can share your opinion just like Debby does. Making a Judgment not to try something that seems bad is a perfectly intelligent thing to do.

[@sunnyandthechlo]

I’ve never eaten dirt or jumped off a cliff but I’m pretty sure they’re not great for me.

[@dinoklein]

Thank you for being a voice of reason in this age of lunacy. It is great hearing someone explain with patience. As a medical technician I've encountered my share of antivax-antichoice misinformation and I simply don't have the energy to engage anymore. I think you are doing a lot of women a great service talking about this and about abuse. It is a far to common situation women find themselves in. Keep up the great work!

[@aubreyhaboush7146]

I'm a high school science teacher. I've recommended your poetry videos to students who like to write. I'm glad you speak out against romanticizing abuse as I can feel like you are a good role model for any teens who I recommend your content to

[@Doxybot36]

I’m always concerned about people who see this abusive behaviors as healthy. It’s typically cause that’s all they know and are scared of change.

[@loulou1339]

👏🏻👏🏻 You red that person for filth - which was important. These books do no help anyone but the abusers. Thank you for telling your story and not remaining silent, when others try to glorify such toxic behavior.

[@rachellesch8681]

I love how Kyra seems to know to come in and be cute whenever Rachel is talking about something dark and heavy.

[@lorenemaurer3310]

For people like the commenter you were speaking to in the beginning; I was there, but I decided to stand up for myself against my "boyfriend" at the time. I was called abusive. I was called the problem. Whoever she is, she hasn't let herself see the whole world.

[@bagelprince3]

koobie is such a sweet little girl, when she sees you upset she comes over to give you love.

[@beyondallmeasure]

I'm in my 40s. Been married for over 2 decades. We DID try this. It almost destroyed our marriage. What helped us survive is that we are decent humans who decided to get really help and therapy... we chose to make healthier choices. We decided to treat each other with decency. In this subculture "bossy" men are the "right" kind of man and all the non bossy man are considered less than. Even my husband has major trauma from this subculture. Thank you for speaking out about this. This is so important. These ideas are destroying families and destroying lives.

[@cxaxukluth6331]

I'm glad young women (and everyone tbh) have healthy and inspiring role models to look up to on the internet. Personally you have really helped me work through self worth problems involving my mental health. Very few people aside from anonymous forum accounts openly talk about suffering from things like self harm. Being able to see an amazing women who creates wonderful and helpful content openly talk about both your victories and struggles with these kind of things is incredibly inspiring. Please remember that people love your work, people care about you, and that you are a wonderful person, even when you don't feel like one

[@dariasdouble212]

Firstly, I love your shirt! Secondly, I love hearing Kyra breathing and snoring, and seeing the love you have for each other is a delight! Your videos are so well thought out, I greatly appreciate your insights, wisdom, and honesty. 💜

[@814912]

It always makes me happy seeing Kyra in the background of your videos. It's so obvious that she absolutely adores you :)

[@FredHarvey779]

Your courage, intellect and compassion continue to shine, I listen and learn, thanks Rachel!

[@iloveplasticbottles]

"I'm not diseased because I'm autistic" Ayy you're on the spectrum too!

[@nova71901]

ay me too! 🥺 love rachel so much

[@faeriesmak]

Same here. All sorts of autistic over here!

[@christinaalexander5653]

We are not broken. We are different. How stupid does someone have to be to not understand the difference?

[@faeriesmak]

@@christinaalexander5653 Have you met people?

[@iloveplasticbottles]

@@christinaalexander5653 bro a lot of people confuse down syndrome and autism.

[@bennienthejet89]

Your relationship with Kira reminds me of my relationship with my black cat Jet. He’s saved my life several times all while I was living through an abusive relationship. He helped me get out of it. I know how meaningful a relationship like the one between you and Kira is.

[@findyourcenterbbc8483]

Off topic but seeing you with Kyra makes me happy. Reminds me with my cat Pumbaa who helped me as a child when I was learning how to navigate life with my autism. My big kitty angel, while I know your not religious I thank God he gave you such a wonderful best friend.

[@nova71901]

watching you snuggle with kyra was so precious. im so glad you have her rachel ❤️

[@michel1895]

I'm too drunk to care but this is the earliest I've ever been so - you're doing a great job rachel!!! Keep it up, you're amazing!

[@princessinmittens4783]

I was abused by a man for 7 years. A man who i thought was my best friend asked me one time while picking me up from hospital with a broken collarbone ''what did I do to make him angry?'' I was so hurt by this question. I had police ask me if my partner was boyfriend after being sexually assaulted . I was told by the police that i needed to leave and I would be charged if i trespassed in my own home. I paid the rent, I looked after my pets and i told them i wasn't leaving my pets. they told me that my bf will look after them. He abused the animals and i told them that but they didn't listen. My cats and I are much better off now.

[@esme454]

I appreciate your videos so much. Being abused isn't something to put on a bucket list. Being abused isn't a lifestyle. Teaching vulnerable women that abuse is normal and an unavoidable part of all relationships is monstrous.

[@tomsenior7405]

Love, Honour and OBEY!. Sod that piece of garbage. We threw that Vow right in the Bin. We wanted Lifelong Companionship, not a Stepford Wife and a Dictator.

[@wordofyourbody3252]

Thank you so much for your personal statement in the beginning. I was abused around the same time you were- and while we were long distance (thank god), I was worried I would end up dead. It has lead to me becoming a wreck in a lot of relationships and causes a cycle of toxicity within my partners after this. Just thank you. I’m proud you survived. You are amazing.

[@givemeprimelaughter]

Honestly Kyra is the emotional support friend we all need. Please give her chin scratches and head pats for me

[@nanablooms]

Your commentary on this topic is valuable. This channel is full of wonderfully educational content.

[@RachelOates]

Thank you!!

[@selinag1884]

I really, really love your channel. I have been watching it for a long time and I am always impressed by how you can take such stupid and horrific things as Debi Pearl’s books and make an interesting and educating video about it. It truly is a talent. Also you have literally the cutest dog so… :) Anyway. I hope you never ever stop doing KZbin and… have a nice day! :)

[@RachelOates]

Thank you so so much. Comments like this are why I keep working, so thank you ❤️

[@stoo4534]

I grew up in an abusive household . I drove my mother to be an alcoholic and scarred me to the point I’ll never be able to have kids . Thanks for tackling these subjects on your channel and for sharing your experiences . 👍🤝🙏🏻✊

[@ginger_nspice]

Kyra looks up at you so affectionately 🥰🐾

[@lindamcmanus3057]

6:00 The sad fact that anyone would come back at you with the old “don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it” is revictimization. I, too, have survived an abusive relationship, and I actually was married. (Although the abuse began before the marriage.) It’s been six years and I am still mentally and emotionally recovering, and the man I am with now has been a bastion of patience and compassion as I try to heal and relearn what real love is. Rachel, your videos about things like this validate my beliefs and feelings, and do a lot in spreading the awareness that I, a tiny channel with under 1000 subscribers and trying to grow, try to spread also. I am a good deal older than you at 46 but I am so happy that you learned earlier than I did about things like self worth and everything else that falls under the umbrella of these important issues. Thank you for this and all of your videos, Rachel. Keep it coming.👍🏻❤️

[@woodanemone9758]

Pickle looks very concerned at the beginning... almost like she gets it.

[@rowanlavellan9755]

To that 25-year-old: I read Debbie's books as a young teen (11-14 yo). I read the Pearls' homeschooling zine. I read To Train Up A Child. And even as a young, thoroughly fundamentalist child who tried very hard to believe in these things... I had Concerns. I would read about how women should serve men, how they're "created" for the purpose of serving men, and this writhing, uncomfortable voice would whisper, "Why? Why can they not serve themselves, just as women do?" As I embraced my gender and sexual orientation and began to wrap my mind around how my religion had lied to me, that voice grew louder. The further I felt from being a woman, the louder the voice got. "This is *wrong!* Women are individuals! They're not supposed to be *slaves,* no one is!" So now, being three years older (apparently!) than Rachel, and having seen so many relationships where women have tried to 'submit' and 'serve' and where the men have, at best, taken advantage of them, may I inform that commenter-- stop. Please. For the love of the gods, STOP and read relationship books *not* written by fundamentalists before you go any further.

[@daronlemke8198]

As a autistic person I can confirm that this book is not true. Also a healthy diet doesn't fix everything. If it were that simple then cancer wouldn't be a thing. I actually am scared to view the authors beliefs on cancer. Both the illness and the zodiac sign but mostly the illness.

[@fable3625]

As someone who was raised in Debbie's cult and raised off her books and also got married at 19 to a very abusive man, that comment was very frustrating to me. Thank God I got out. Thank God I'm not dead. Thank God my kids are ok. It's not funny. It's not ok. And I feel so sorry for women who think this is normal.

[@cmmusic4721]

I love how Rachel never edits out the snuggles with her dog lol, it’s so wholesome and sweet

[@PidgeyHowler]

As soon as I hear certain types of people say words like schizophrenic, autism, etc, I cringe because I know this is gonna go more south than the south pole.

[@Scrinwaipwr]

9:37 "many girls waste their lives charging they phone, eat hot chip and lie." - Debi Pearl

[@RoastedSaltedPeanut]

Funny story about male and female sperm. My grandmother has this calender that is supposed to dictate if the fetus is going to be male or female based on the dates the couple has sex and how it relates to some astrology stuff and the person's cycle. She has forced that information on to her sons and as of now she has 5 grand daughters, atleast 3 of which were conceived when trying her calander to have sons 🤣 This stuff leads to a lot of harm. My aunt was forced to have an abortion because she was going to have a female baby. I am 100% pro choice but it HAS to be the choice of the pregnant person. Forcing someone to get an abortion is just as abhorrent as forcing someone to continue a pregnancy.

[@blakea.e.1681]

I love learning from you Rachel. You are amazing at explaining things in a way that isn’t confusing, but is also very engaging. Never stop!

[@WarriorDan]

Just regarding the "you've never tried it, so you can't say it's bad" argument, I could also respond: "I've never tried committing murder. Should no one be able to criticize murder and other violent crime without being a murderer themselves?" My point of course being that this logic falls apart when placed in literally any other context.

[@elenkonakkk1579]

I have just started watching this video and I don't know if you'll see this Rachel but you did help me big time recognise abusive situationship I was in some time ago. I cannot even say if we were dating or just friends, somehow neither and also both at the same time. It was incredibly confusing and painful time in my life and I wouldn't even have realised that it was bad and it wasn't my fault if it hadn't been for you, so thank you so much! I can finally stop blaming myself.

[@zeldamorgan9260]

It's sad you have to explain this to people who don't understand abuse. A relationship where a woman is under another person's thumb isn't inherently dangerous, but it opens the door to abuse by it's very nature, or at the very least repression. I hope that doesn't sound too much like a contradiction. I've been married 36 years, started as equals, but got sucked into a religion that set up that patriarchal system. Luckily we broke way after a decade or so, and because my spouse is NOT an abuser, was able to redefine our relationship. I don't think this is a very common thing. I can't imagine what it would be like if my husband was like so many others who just glory in that power. There are still issues as I assert myself, but because he's loving and not an abuser or manipulator, I can regain my sense of self in safety.

[@wannaseesomethingcute]

I clicked so fast when I saw the title. I love your Debi Pearl videos. 😍

[@alittlebithailey5994]

I read this book 7 or so years ago in my early 20s. The church I was going to did a book study with some of the young married ladies, and one of my friends (she was younger than me) who we all knew was gonna get proposed to soon. I borrowed it from her after. And even as into the koolaid as I was then, I remember just going “nope. Nope nope nope. That’s not right. That doesn’t make sense. That’s not even biblical. Nope. That’s not right” the whole time. When I was done, I was talking about it to another friend (she the daughter of one of the pastors) about all that I didn’t like about the book. She talked to her parents about it. And, apparently they had been thinking of doing a “to train up a child” book study as well. Aaaaaaand that never happened, thank goodness. They looked into it more and saw the deaths connected to the book. (I don’t remember if my hesitancy of the helpmeet book made them look deeper or not. But I take a small credit, in my heart anyway, of the child abuse book not being taught in the church officially)

[@lesliesammons8999]

I think it’s sweet how your dog comes to your side when your obviously so upset! She feels your emotions and wants to help! ❤️

[@alicedeligny9240]

"If you are like most girls, the issue of birth control has never crossed your mind" what ?

[@raspberryitalia3464]

I love your love with Kyra! Just the purest, sweetest love!

[@userequaltoNull]

I think I heard that last part on TCAP haha

[@MsAquamonkey]

I've never understood the 'you don't know anything, because you aren't married, so shut up and stay quiet' argument. No, I'm not married to my boyfriend, but I've had men in the past hurt me, tell me they're going to kill me, a man stopping his car to tell me what he was going to do to me, looking me up and down the entire time. I've had men follow me, getting closer and closer until I stopped dead and refused to move, or walked somewhere crowded so they'd leave? Just because I don't have a ring on my finger doesn't mean I can't possibly understand what being hurt means.

[@chiveshorses9459]

I feel the same way, especially if you’ve been with your boyfriend for a year or two. Evangelicals don’t court for very long, so you probably know your partner better than most Christian newlyweds

[@amtlpaul]

I'm sorry that people told you those things- people I know and love have also been told these things during abusive relationships and this is aiding and abetting the abuse.

[@racdod]

kyra’s contributions to this video are invaluable

[@itscjrodgers]

Kyra reminds me of my dog, Luna. She's an English pointer-American pitbull mix, and she's so wonderful.

[@joperhop]

Wow, "you are not old enough to understand", and yet she thinks she does and yet she is younger? although I dont expect much common sense from people who followed Debis horrible books.

[@senzar2639]

You are so strong for speaking up, Rachel! Thank you for educating people here and preventing so many vulnerable people to fall into those traps and help identify red flags. It is okay to cut those people off and moreover: it is healthy. I feel you so much - was in a terrible relationship for some time and got to the point, where I was so close to ending it because of it and the lack of support. I was scared, got abused in every sense. Now it is almost 10 years later and I am so happy with my special person (not married) who helps me heal and I love every second of it. I would not be here if I did not get away and your videos helped me on my journey the past years, to identify more issues and set more expectations.

[@rosieharris3176]

At first, I hated my autism, because I wanted to be "normal" and "blend in". Now that I've surrounded myself with people who love me for who I am, instead of people who ridicule me, I've come to LOVE my autism! I LOVE not seeing the world in the same way as neuro-typical people- I feel like there's so much I realise and think about that never seems to occur to them. My autism isn't a disability (and I have ACTUAL disabilities) - if anything, it has to be the opposite of a DISability, since it adds to my life, rather than takes away! Don't ever try to blend in! I own my autism (it doesn't own me...) and now I love it too!

[@The_Leftysaurus]

It feels so ironic for Debbie to go like 'don't believe trained professionals, they are _trained_ to lie to you' but then also say 'I know things because I studied them.' I meaaannn on the surface, yes studying is a way to learn. But apparently that only counts as actual knowledge when Debbie or her husband says so because they're an authority on everything and I guess they naturally just know what is and what isn't factual knowledge? I mean the mental gymnastics are just,...impressive, though I guess mostly based on not thinking things through too deeply ie beyond the first layer. I do commend you for addressing comments like the one at the start of the video. I mean it was a rude and kinda arrogant comment honestly, but part of my heart definitely bleeds for any 25 year old (or any age really), on the eve of marriage, going in thinking Debbie of all people is a beacon of wisdom and insight. It's sad and it's dangerous. Women are not commodities and we're not servants.If your partner can't treat you as an equal and with respect, get the &*(k out.

[@pensivelyrebelling]

I have an autistic child and may be autistic myself. I do want to say that autism absolutely, 100% doesn’t destroy lives. I agree with this. What does destroy lives is the lack of supports for autistic people, especially those who have high needs. The number of stories of families going into extreme debts to get help for their kids is heartbreaking. Please let your representatives know that you support funding for all disabilities (not just autism) because elected reps love to talk about how there’s no money left to help disabled folks. It’s disgusting.

[@colourblindcrossstitch9415]

Well, thank you for causing me to actually spit out my coffee in incredulous surprise: "there's a poison found in a toad in the Amazon that isn't found anywhere else in the world except the gut of schizophrenic people." How does she even believe her own nonsense, let alone anyone else? Just, how?

[@diahill1945]

Not sure how the Amazonian frogs get to Australia 🤣 . I have one son and three grandchildren diagnosed with ASD .

[@Faeryunknow]

Thanks for all this. This information is absolutely necessary.

[@Nikodraws149]

Debi is so into the "serving your husband" narrative and says things like. "if your lucky enough to land a tough bossy man" I can't help but think there's a repressed element to this? Like if she were a more open and explorative person instead of looking at everything through the lens of religion and "traditional womanhood" there's a timeline were she's openly in one of those lifestyle sub Dom relationships and leaving other women alone.

[@astolat2262]

This is what I always think about these repressed Christian women tbh

[@irock123ab]

The doggy snuffles at the beginning 😍

[@neverlandhunter6988]

Your dog's noises disturbed me 😂 i was listening without watching and had no idea what those sounds were

[@vancityplantie5752]

I love your dog so much 💜 Pibbles are just amazing at sensing our emotions. Hugs to your sweet house hippo 💜💜💜

[@IzzysTravelDiaries]

I often wish I still lived in the UK and could go and give you a big hug! Seriously, you're one of my favourite people! I once went out with a guy for a while. I ignored the first few red flags. Him throwing a fit when I hada drink with a colleague on his birthday. Him wanting to go to the girls' night, and me suspecting he thought I was hooking up with people. Him never wanting to introduce me to anyone. Then it piled on and I decided to break it off, only 5 months into the relationship. He got so angry, told me he would commit suicide, pled on the phone for me to take him back, rang my phone through the night, wrote an email to my mother. He said he was planning to move in with me and basically had my whole life mapped out for me. Luckily he stopped. I'm not sure why. It was very scary, and I took it as a lesson to not ignore red flags ever again. I probably dodged a lot of bullets since then. I got very lucky. I shudder to think what I would have done if he didn't stop. In my country there are no protections for women against domestic abuse. Women and children are killed by spouses and boyfriends, yet the culture still blames the woman. The government is so set on the family being "man woman children", but they don't care if that model doesn't work.

[@Resilient_Sage88]

She thought the couple that lost their child somehow didn't pray enough or properly or something so they more or less deserved it. What a sad and disturbing mindset.

[@SonyShock]

Rachel's dog sounds like these pig-shaped plastic toys that make sound when you squeeze them 😂Love her

[@Jordan-bm8lp]

Rachel over here being her wholesome, unproblematic, best-dog-parent-ever self ❤️🥲 I love the Kyra moments 💓

[@pedroff_1]

The whole "pray for your son" reminded me of the Isaac ascension: "Pray for your salvation" "You're going insane! Can't you hear how you sound?"