Every Woolworths Worker Ever... | Garn.

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the old 5 finger discount on da woolies serve self checkout, a true aussie classic. change to countdown if ya an nz cobber
the woolies fruit & veg section mate, most denial ridden part of the whole super market
Every Woolies Worker Ever
Every Countdown Worker Ever
Every Woolworths Worker Ever... | Garn.
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Written & Directed by Declan Evanson

[@GarnComedy]

𝙮𝙤𝙪'𝙧𝙚 a fuckin health hazard edit: obviously none of these companies let us film inside, or give us uniforms. it's all just tricky filmmaking. that's why there's a week in-between videos. we spend it writing/ tryna figure out how to actually pull this shit off.

[@TerminatorTroy6]

:'(

[@Jamie-tj9fn]

u wot m8

[@ShoeysAdventures]

Givvuz a chook m8

[@GarnComedy]

@@ShoeysAdventures any chook enjoyers

[@loot4484]

I visited Garn alley in townsville 😎

[@liamlees5899]

The fact he hasn’t worked at any of these jobs and still knows exactly how to do em is beyond me

[@GarnComedy]

lots and lots of trawling through reddit AMA's and infiltrating facebook groups for the workers

[@TheKnobCalledTone.]

This is what great method acting looks like 👌

[@GarnComedy]

@@TheKnobCalledTone. less the acting, more the writing

[@sethharris3189]

Most employable figure in Australian history

[@yeh.80]

@@GarnComedy Just wanna say Murph I've been following you from the start, and it's been amazing to see your channel grow so quicky due to your high quality high entrainment videos. Fucken sick lad

[@videoswithmick]

I can confirm, I work at woolies, that I did have a chocolate cake once on my tea break so that was accurate. Well done.

[@jacklovell5756]

i bet its more than once

[@videoswithmick]

@@jacklovell5756 I mean…..yeah. You really can’t pass up a woolies chocolate cake.

[@iris657]

i mean... for the same price its either a full mudcake or half a big mac. pretty good deal tbh.

[@stradegy3338]

Nah pillaging Coles for one is better

[@jimmyalderman543]

I just started...this makes me real excited to continue working 😂

[@hollyanne9022]

when you read out your pateron names it sounds like an absolutely munted lineup at the races

[@khyleebrahh7]

Such an under appreciated comment. I’d watch that race for sure

[@joshstanton267]

The "special" horse Derby 😂

[@chadh0nkleton774]

Best thing I’ve read today, thanks

[@DysfunctionNoMore]

Your comment made me laugh out loud when I went back and re-listened to the read out

[@originalsusser]

Munted haven't eard that for a while

[@ToastedShoes]

As a past woolies employee, I can confirm this is very accurate

[@Jeezy123]

First reply

[@MrFuzz]

Toast

[@blugameplay]

As a current employee of Woolworths, I concur.

[@qwertyki9367]

bullshit

[@sko1beer]

you guys are lucky still to have Woolworths

[@manbtosh]

him sitting on the coles trolley asserting dominance is the best way to declare war on them. period.

[@elppa]

The only thing about woolies that gets me excited is my EVERYDAY REWARDS CARD

[@thehamburglar.]

EVERY DAY REWARDS CARD POG

[@australianemergencyvehicles505]

EVERYDAY REWARDS CAAARRRD

[@blakestr123]

Hey tereria dude

[@dylanpickersgill2088]

Get a card writer

[@declan5073]

Oh yes when I see when of those 5X POINTS OFFERS it gets me so wet 😍

[@harryf5231]

Who doesn't love these videos? It's literally Australia in a nutshell.

[@senseweaver01]

Except, controversially, we actually say 'mate' about 13% less than this. Weird right? Yeah

[@papasscooperiaworker3649]

@@senseweaver01 13%… where and why is that a specific percentage?

[@senseweaver01]

@@papasscooperiaworker3649 The specifics are what makes the comment funny. Not your brand of humour I guess, all good

[@DaedalusRaistlin]

Brandhumour. Helping you laugh better.

[@senseweaver01]

@@DaedalusRaistlin Est: 1436AD

[@tomdragamer]

"You're a fucking health hazard" is my new go-to in an argument

[@TempGuest7]

Spot on with the fruit and veg buying, reminds me I gotta clean out the veggie draw.

[@DaedalusRaistlin]

You say you've never worked at a Woolies, but this was pretty garn accurate. Even the free food - once there was about 10 boxes worth of ferrero rochers upstairs in the break room, free for all. Only part you forgot is the worst part of them all - manning the checkouts. It's ALL customer interaction! You can't get away! And then we'd call up one of you blokes to run and do a price check for us, and I swear you just ran off out the back for a smoko, the time it took. Though, the was a time or two stacking shelves that the customer really insisted on me checking out back for something we were out of and knew wasn't there. But you go back anyway, pretend to look for a while, you don't want them to think you didn't check, then you can come back and be all "sorry, I checked every pallet and nothing is there mate." Best part is, the longer you bum around doing nothing, the more the customer thinks you really went the extra mile checking.

[@trollzynisaacjohan1793]

You'd waist time in the freezer room lol, Smoko was the best.

[@dedpxl]

I've had times when I reckon they didn't check in the back and were just saying they did. We know.

[@ironjillion1104]

@Zastevo Yes

[@madmaxrerisen]

@@dedpxl Yup we can see the bs in their eyes.

[@mysterylovescompany2657]

​@@trollzynisaacjohan1793 the thought of a Necron in a Woolies cap amuses me.

[@AGameGem]

Glad we can all agree that Woolies mudcake is the superior mudcake

[@FionaEm]

I just got a Woolies online delivery today - and had no idea they even sold mudcake. Gaaaaah!

[@Niemmy]

Yer Coles mud cake is just a turd on a slice of bread

[@ashbertwistle8593]

As an ongoing Woolworths employee I will admit most of this video is straight facts. The customer is always wrong, I love that. Avoid customer interactions at all costs, I love that also. Great video boys. Keep up the good work 👍👍

[@mitchyoza14]

It's true the customer is always wrong. Even when they are right, there still wrong

[@crypticutopia7228]

Exactly! The dumb fcks can't even read signs. The servo I work at has a sign on EVERY SINGLE PUMP telling customers which fuel cards we do and don't accept and they'll still come in and ask to pay on a fuel card we don't accept and then throw a tantrum and say we should have signs up when I tell them we don't accept it

[@mitchyoza14]

@@crypticutopia7228 I know how you feel man. I work at a Cafe, you know how many times people have asked if we do Coffee? Like nah the fucking machine right infront of you is just for show.. I just wanna slap some cunts sometimes XD

[@crypticutopia7228]

@@mitchyoza14 Haha ikr! Like when we have an out of order sign on one of the pumps and a customer will be like "I saw there's an out of order sign on pump 1, does that mean it's not working" and I feel like saying WHAT THE FUCK ELSE WOULD IT MEAN?

[@MartintheTinman]

@@crypticutopia7228 . I worked in a Milk Bar/ Takeaway and people would abuse me when the local servo was shut on the weekend. I always said that they could try shoving Dim Sims in the tank

[@floydy8359]

I got people asking if there is garlic in dog food, at Coles. I got complained about because I didn't know the ingredients.

[@rajansah3127]

I have worked at both woolies and coles, and agree that Woolworths has more stuff in tea room to eat.

[@Virus__]

What's that? Bakery left a shit ton of fresh baked cookies & pastries in the break room again. Looks like lunch is sorted & then the legend packing freezer leaves a few boxes of ice creams in the freezer for staff.

[@FirstDateFrt]

depends on your boss, our manager is an absolute legend, she cooked a bunch of pizzas in the chook oven and delivered down each aisle to the nightfill the other night. Bakery always has leftover cookies everyday, we got a full breakfast spread at all times, bread, spreads, cereals, tea , coffee, fruit. And as you know nothing beats a supermarket lunchroom at Christmas!!! Im at coles😃

[@aussiestalin8123]

@@FirstDateFrt jesus christ im jealous now. I also work at coles, and all i ever see is biscuits or something similar and on the rare occasion, a cake

[@EAFSQ9]

@@FirstDateFrtsounds like your overhead manager is actually helpful and stocks the break room up every day

[@LownSlowBasics]

As an ex woolies butcher and fellow Aussie KZbinr, you nailed it! 😝

[@jacobgeorgievski987]

This guy is the Aussie Johnny Sins for how many career changes he has gone through

[@Kurikiai]

listening to him reading out the names at the end will always be my favourite part

[@GoobHak]

This man intrudes into every establishment known to man

[@hooligan1179]

Sending this straight to my Woolies mate, you nailed him. Umm I mean you nailed the impression!

[@yaochuangoh1242]

Pause

[@ashleycalhoun1824]

I always watch these all the way through the first moment possible.

[@devinzhu5902]

By working at wollies, I know that this man's spitting facts

[@floydy8359]

I work at Coles, it's pretty fuckin similar, hell. I just got back from a shift

[@AfferbeckBeats]

Apart from collecting trolleys, that job SUCKS. Cheap arse multi billion dollar corporation got rid of their trolley contractors and just make the regular staff do it, with no extra staff of course.

[@Ripa-Moramee]

@@floydy8359 Go work at a IGA store in Perth. You get robbed by kids trying to be tough almost every day.

[@EnderRequiem]

As a person who’s worked in retail for a good while I can say this is so unbelievably fucking accurate it’s not even funny

[@zeedause5289]

was this an ad for McCain's cause I want a shitty oven pizza now

[@inbloom08]

I just progressed passed the point of having to have the decoy frozen veg packets hahaha spot on.

[@mangogaming3537]

Keep up the bloody good content you’re a living fucking legend

[@sykoau8104]

my man went to every different woolies in Townsville

[@sykoau8104]

How is this comment highlighted. Lol

[@complications.]

My mate works at Woolies this is exactly how he feels

[@evanpage2540]

Speaking not only as a Woolworths employee, but also as the supervisor for our trolley team, I appreciate this video.

[@MegamixCentral]

Love me a good natures Bain Marie chook!

[@sauce3155]

Garn does not miss. Every video is a banga

[@sachab-h2907]

The chicken and bread roll part got me so good.

[@EjayB]

That's why I pick Garn

[@hilotakenaka]

Now you gotta bring balance to the force and have a "Every Coles Worker Ever" video

[@04paok]

Good to see fellas you’ve put on 2 vids that I’ve suggested..👍 This was fkn hilarious!! Here’s another idea for ya… How bout doin one on bloody maccas (fkn tight arses they are) or KFC or the Red Rooter!! I’m sure you can come up with a great sketch there. While I’m at it, you can also do something with a customs officer taking bribes and shit..😂 Anyway, love your work and keep ‘em comin lads!! 👍

[@iris657]

surprised all the businesses let you wear their uniform and get up to the shenanigans you do... oh wait this is australia not america, we still have a sense of humour.

[@PrinceOfLillies]

I just started a job at woolies, what timing 😅

[@lukehrabar8540]

I kid you not, for a whole week out woolies was completely out of frozen produce Cuase the tradies had actually raided it ALL! It was a dark week

[@Solicify]

I started working at woolies 2 weeks ago at checkouts. It’s shit

[@PrinceOfLillies]

I just started in deli and bakery, 😅👍🏻

[@cappncamrin0474]

Coles >

[@AydanD69]

The names at the end is as funny as the vid if not funnier

[@simonlambe8347]

Fucking brilliant video as usual👍👍👍

[@mr.stremo322]

Keep the content up mate! Fuckin Oath!

[@youborrowedmygerniandiwhat2081]

Love your shit mate

[@TheKnobCalledTone.]

Fuckin' hell... the Patreon shoutouts are gunna be longer than the actual content by Christmas lol... onya Murph!

[@MotoCat91]

Woolies never gave me a free mudcake when I worked there, instead they just belittled me, changed my shift hours to completely overlap with my Tafe classes and generally fucked me over repeatedly until I had no choice but to leave Top quality treatment for an employee that constantly topped the charts in productivity

[@alexandersmith7777]

Wow my brother works at woollies and it seems so real

[@Five7weezy]

Mate, you have too many jobs. Your tax must be through the roof. Can you talk us through how you manage your tax?

[@liv9422]

'Nature's bain marie' haha. Everyone's excuse when they eat that piece from the barbie that was cooked five hours ago for lunch and they're too hungry to wait for dinner.

[@iamdave84]

I won't do that again. 2 weeks of the squirts and intermittent fevers, then a couple days on a drip at hospital having the squirts every 20min around the clock. Not worth it!

[@andrewng2427]

I just got my first job with woolies and I’m starting my first shift tomorrow. this is great! really helps me understand the job well 😂

[@Tyhamilton0]

Mate quit before you start 😂😂 been there a while now and god I wish I never applied

[@floydy8359]

@@Tyhamilton0 similar with coles, it's an ok job compared to Maccas and hungry jacks for starting jobs. But that's about it.

[@andrewng2427]

@@yeahokay3806 thanks for the tip!

[@gazratjackson]

@@yeahokay3806 facts bro, there's always one shit kunt life's like that, gotta rise above them.

[@wallyandellen5099]

You will also come across a co-worker that thinks they own the company.

[@MazeMaker4Life]

"it's Wednesday my dude" bloody brilliant because it was a Wednesday. Memes never die 🤣

[@tomdella9255]

Them patreon names getting more dirty every video

[@tictacturkey3367]

Yo

[@Fattybryce]

That 8 stack of McCains meatlovers pizzas is freakishly accurate.

[@izakogilvie3226]

Miserable experience is correct

[@bonghead6621]

I had a good leftover chook set up doing security at coles as the deli manager respected the fact I wasn't a stickler for rules often resulting in as many as a dozen chooks ranging from free to $2, beauty Newk.

[@deathwingelitegantz5264]

When are you going to do a Politician? I want Murph outside Parliament house or photo bombing one of ScoMo's public meet 'n greet. Make it happen.

[@jmwloup5110]

but woolworths is a 5c and 10c non grocery store that owns foot locker also I saw no cable cars where are the San Francisco trollies?

[@janncorpuz9370]

Good on yah!

[@2greve]

whats it like being a lifeguard murph?

[@voidboys9970]

The customer is always wrong” Never heard something more true m8

[@ashash6866]

i think we can all agree Chick in a bag from Woolies is the best thing about woolies.

[@BruceWayne-fg1kk]

Yeah mate what about the caramel cake?

[@magdalena_dewinter]

scody woolworths: 👎🏻👎🏻🇦🇺 skux delux countdown: 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 🇳🇿🇳🇿🇳🇿

[@playstation1homeentertainm981]

As a checkout chick, I can say that this is all true

[@deanchur]

Those frozen veggies at 0:55, I definitely don't have 2kg of those in the freezer... $3/kg though, c'mon.

[@AusDragon]

I love how its woolies worker but at the end he's just chilling on a coles trolly!

[@AfferbeckBeats]

As a woolies worker, we do have some coles trolleys for some reason ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[@Ripa-Moramee]

@@AfferbeckBeats Idk how but in just a single week a full load of trollies are spread within a 40 km radius.

[@phillipruus1812]

Does not matter which level you are at being either a cleaner or upper management working for any of woolworths companies is one of the most miserable things you can do and will damage your mental health it is a very toxic environment. They also expect 50 hours for 38hour of pay which they are being investigated for now

[@pleblover]

"decoy bag of frozen veggies" I laughed so hard at that

[@MistyBlahbull]

ay congrats on getting on the trending page mate

[@VideoNinjaPlayz]

The king is back 👑

[@dmwrobinson]

I was a Woolies checkout girl back from 2007-1009, before the ubiquity of self-serve checkouts. I can confirm the customers is always 100% wrong.

[@yaochuangoh1242]

Are u a time traveler

[@MartintheTinman]

@@yaochuangoh1242 . Yep, that's what I was going to comment

[@dmwrobinson]

@@MartintheTinman yeah

[@Ripa-Moramee]

Honestly self serve checkouts was a bold move considering peoples tendencies to simply steal. I always wondered if woolies employees knew that stuff was being stolen but didn't say anything to avoid causing a scene or generally miss it half the time.

[@juststuffwithwolfe4482]

I’m again asking how did u get the uniforms

[@GarnComedy]

we make them, the week inbetween each video is dedicated to getting uniforms made up & scouting how we're actually gonna film inside these places - ontop of writing all the jokes

[@TerminatorTroy6]

@@GarnComedy A lot of effort indeed

[@PrinceOfLillies]

@@GarnComedy that was a legit woolies apron no? And also, I still haven’t gotten my welcome pack with my shirts and hat as a new worker after a month! Hook me up Murph!

[@juststuffwithwolfe4482]

@@GarnComedy ohhhhh ok cool

[@GarnComedy]

@@PrinceOfLillies aprons are like 30 bucks on Vistaprint and really sell the look. That's why we use them so much

[@ItsCommonSenseGaming]

awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome, keep me entertained after school everyday awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome

[@nodive_dj]

Bout to turn 18. Still haven’t made it through the self-serve without needing staff help

[@tnmoe-]

36. Fuck that noise, haha

[@floydy8359]

As a 16 year old, the only reason I'm able to pass self-checkout is because I work at coles.

[@thatdudeinasuit5422]

Pretty much everyone of these videos I've seen is pretty much an exactly accurate recreation of subject.

[@anthonywitt536]

This is 100 percent true

[@1.21gigawatts2]

How does he go about filming inside the stores? does he do it covert style or does he get the companies permission? I can't imagine the latter is the case based on how vulgar these videos are lol.

[@GarnComedy]

covert ops, quite involved

[@nelson8784]

Yeah mate half the bloody time the trolley collectors are smoking up in their car and we’re missing trolleys meaning I gotta go from stacking shelves to collecting trolleys. Tough gig mate..

[@splatman1150]

You also gain extensive knowledge on which Uncle Ben's rice is best for your lunch break.

[@user-wh6bw1py3k]

Bag of veg only ever gets used as a ice pack after drunken episode cause well we've used the ice for our drinks...

[@n3okitty]

PLEASE. do every Facebook marketplace seller ~~~~

[@vf19blue]

Decoy bag, fkn bang on! 🤣

[@0_fxcks]

Aaaaaahahahahahahahaha! Absolute bloody ripper! You bloody legend.

[@SamoYo1]

All I want to know is how he keeps getting the uniforms

[@crypticutopia7228]

Claim your here within an hour ticket here

[@danieavail403]

Can confirm I have worked there and your not wrong this is the most accurate description of woolies😂

[@jamesgibbins1349]

A bit surprised you haven't done office works yet.

[@graboid78]

As a trolley collector I can confirm Been offered to transfer to other sections but I like the trolleys. It's hard work at times but I love the freedom and having some air during shifts

[@jozo9473]

As another trolly collector from Woolworths I can also confirm. Fuck I hate holidays

[@HappyGuy456]

Free vitamin D as well :-)

[@KyAl111.]

We do trolley collection and grocery at my store. That’s 100% the worst job especially on busy or shitty days (rain, heat etc)

[@CptnWolfe]

Just be careful of people wielding 2L bottles of coke asking for stuffed olives

[@HuqBhai2246]

The legend is back

[@madmax6662]

100% true and the trolley job again 100% best job out there

[@Plsgetmetosubscribers-yl3td]

“You’re a health hazard” dam that was solid

[@jgplayz]

As a current woolies worker, it’s pretty darn accurate

[@ClownHouseProduction]

Haha i work at woolies and this is great, trolley collecting part is pretty accurate too

[@annaoddi2257]

I used to work at a Woolworths. Easily the worst experience of all. Worked shelves for five and a half years, and front for five and a half years. Loved this.

[@jacklovell5756]

they know how to make a bloke feel special XD

[@sephiroth8377]

Woolies chickens are 50/50.. 50% chance of no issues! 50% chance of having diarrhoea the next day.

[@Nightmare0987654321]

Doing top work while ya really doing no work at all. Love ya Murph.

[@gruntt6945]

Love you Townsville Boys, I'm Stalking you all waiting to walk into a recordingLOL