MovieBob Reviews: THE MUMMY (2017)

[@breadordecide]

new rule: no studio should announce a universe until they make at least ONE good film in said universe.

[@ztcgamer9652]

Amem bother

[@beetle3434]

Hear! Hear!

[@repulser93]

Or at least one film, period. Which is ironic, because had _Dracula Untold_ remained in continuity, they would've already had a base to start with.

[@jd2792]

or how about this you don't make a universe if you don't have any worth while point for it what is the point for this universe ? a monster squad remake

[@shikatsu]

And they kept the world building in the background and end of that movie as well!

[@robotrix]

SOMEONE at Universal still remembers that the reason the Universal Monsters endure is because they were sympathetic monsters, right? I mean....even the Mummy in the Brendan Fraiser's version was still doing what he did for love....

[@Shimamon27]

Anak-sun-amun!!! The fact I still remember this name, means that movie left something there. Yeah, I liked those dumb movies...

[@bossfight1]

Yeah... Hey, remember when the kid in the sequel suddenly lost his British accent in the third movie?

[@sufnskanne469]

bossfight1 yeah but I mean after a while of traveling and feeling bieng away from home it makes sense he lost it still weird though.

[@chwenhoou]

Keep in mind who directed/handled all of this: Alex Kurtzman aka one of the biggest, sexist hacks in Hollywood. He was more concerned on fucking Universal out of money than making a good movie. Motherfucker is the Vince Russo of butchering geek culture properties.

[@LnPPersonified]

This movie is bad? Wow, I totally didn't see that coming. I'm so shocked. This is my shocked face. Because this is shocking. Shocked.

[@CakeJerry]

Pokerface Your pfp fits so well

[@beetle3434]

Okay, I have been itching to share this idea ever since I saw this movie so here goes: "The Mummy", and by extension the whole "Dark Universe" thing SHOULD NOT BE ABOUT HEROES. Marvel and DC already have universes about heroes, we don't need another one! Instead, I propose that the Dark Universe should instead focus on a series of *villainous* characters who are still incredibly watchable despite (or perhaps because of) their evilness. Think about it, the most interesting character in Dracula is *Dracula*. Same goes for the Frankenstein's Monster, the Creature from the Black Lagoon, The Wolf-Man etc. This movie should have focused on Sophia Boutella's character coming back from the dead to wreak vengeance. She doesn't necessarily have to want to destroy the world, just get revenge on the descendant of someone who wronged her. She can still be irredeemably evil, but enjoyable to watch at the same time. That way, in the end she can get her vengeance and then slink into the shadows ready for another movie. Instead, we have Tom Cruise with generic sand powers. Hoo-bloody-ray. We could've had the "Dirty Dozen" or "Reservoir Dogs" but with Universal Monsters! Missed opportunity, I suppose.

[@gamelairtim]

Beetle, This. So much this. Marvel is known for having fun heroes and weak villains. Back in the day, Universal itself showed us the opposite was just fine. I never anticipated the next Mummy movie based on who was going to defeat him this time, but on the idea of seeing a progression of fun character actors die, before the generic hero and girl pair narrowly escaped. The monsters were the stars. That said, the attempt they made at Dracula a few years back screwed up as well, in lots of ways.

[@duckrutt]

Yup. You can have each of the monsters doing...whatever it is they are doing, have their plans rub up against one of the other ones and then have a bunch of vs movies after the stand alone films are out of the way. That does mean that the series eventually ends but honestly that's kinda what I'm worried about with the Marvel films. If they go on forever they'll end up with the same convoluted mess that comic books got themselves into.

[@MegaBearsFan]

Perhaps more importantly, they should probably be HORROR movies.

[@nickbernard7187]

Beetle I was thinking they'd have some monsters be good guys while others are straight up villains. But I agree make it about the monsters, not the people. There's definitely certain people that are interesting and should be kept around (Dr. Frankenstein) but if they're just gonna be boring, generic action heroes, then please have them killed off by a villainous monster and they can be stopped by a good one because "not all monsters are evil" (I know, cringe, but I think that's where they're going)

[@GrahamCrackerStudios]

God damn it, your comment just cemented how much of a generic tragedy this whole, "Dark Universe" enterprise is. It's like no one handling this thing gets the material they are supposed to be handling.

[@skullguy8504]

I look forward to a Cinematic Universe where every film flops, and the next is always a reboot of said universe.

[@matthewdavison2622]

That's basically what happening with Universal. They've been trying to reboot their classic monsters for years and have had little success.

[@mabusestestament]

Yeah, Van Helsing is pretty much a shared universe made into one movie. What other Universal monster movies have been attempts besides ofcourse Dracula Untold?

[@Auxtran]

mabusestestament The Wolfman was another attempt. I quite liked that film but it is not well regarded

[@moguera]

I think you've just invented a new circle of Hell.

[@leviadragon99]

I mean I would have said DC was on that track until they released Wonder Woman, a movie that's at least okay. But I guess we'll see how deep universal digs itself.

[@plucas1]

I'm probably going out on a limb here, but you know what studio would be best for a 'Dark Universe' franchise? Studio Laika. Coraline, Paranorman, Kubo, even Boxtrolls to an extent, is a testimony that they really understand how to do monsters right and how to build a creepy/horrific atmosphere without going overboard. Universal should just lend them the rights to their characters (the ones that aren't in public domain), back up a dumptruck full of money (at least as much as they spent on the Mummy here) to Laika's front door, and just tell them to go nuts. I guarantee they'd not only do the movies right, but Universal could then just concentrate on the marketing, which is something they actually are geared up to do decently.

[@freshFerdinand]

But the problem is that people rather watch minions than a good movie and then there is faith based morons who decried Kubo as "humanist propaganda".

[@repulser93]

Uh, link to the last one? Because this is the first time I've heard that.

[@freshFerdinand]

I did only read it on one side, but it seems to be the go to site for "christian" reviews. www.movieguide.org/news-articles/are-children-being-fed-humanism.html , another link for the review itself www.movieguide.org/reviews/kubo-and-the-two-strings.html . In all fairness I can´t say how much damage they´re really causing, but considering that Laika is unfortunately quite niche, bullshit like this can´t help. Also with faith based morons I really mean the idiots on the deep end that eat shit like the pure flix up like it´s wagyu beef after living as a vegan for ten years.

[@iiiiitsmagreta1240]

That would be hilariously weird.

[@segasonic015]

That would be really cool, and your idea of executing it isn't half bad. Sadly, I don't think it would ever happen. The stigma of "American Animation is for kids" (as proven by the success of tripe like Minions) alone would ruin any form of consideration. That, and Universal wants that Marvel money, like millions to a billion. Laika's films barely make above $100 worldwide (sans Coraline), even if their budgets are modest.

[@JokerL1000]

i mean how fucking hard is it to make a horror movie these days. JORDAN PEELE MADE 100 MILLION DOLLARS ON A 4.5 MILLION DOLLAR BUDGET WITH NO MONSTERS. WTF

[@Nickman826]

JokerL1000 Jordan Peele made his movies with a box of scraps in a cave!

[@lethargogpeterson4083]

Nicolas Young Well I'm not Jordan Peele.

[@LupineShadowOmega]

Pretty hard, because it takes thoughtful direction, skillful tension building, and legit passion. So I figure that puts a bullet in most of the major studios right off the bat.

[@mk6rfc1]

Technically it made 250 million

[@Veninax]

The thing is that this isn't really a horror movie. It's not trying to be. Instead, it's more of a adventure comedy with very light horror elements, even more so than the Mummy's previous incarnation. I was personally surprised by how pathetic the scares actually were. The previous Mummy trilogy had BEETLES THAT CRAWL UNDERNEATH YOUR SKIN AND AROUND YOUR MUSCLES, as well as a device that ripped the flesh right off a man's arm.

[@ThisIsYourGodNow]

We're never getting the amazing, straight horror modern version of Creature From The Black Lagoon are we? We're getting Suicide Squad from the Black Lagoon.. aren't we?

[@skullguy8504]

"So that's it? We're some kinda Monster Squad?"

[@RodriTheMighty]

Oh Lord, which Queen song are they using in the trailer for that one I wonder?

[@gramamge33]

The Show Must Go On.

[@robotrix]

"The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" without the literary connections in the right places...

[@9tailedKitsune]

No. We're getting Batmans v Superman from the Black Lagoon

[@MarquisForneus]

When will Screenwriters learn that Set is not the Egyptian version of the devil.

[@Champiness]

Marquis Forneus Around the time they learn literally anything else about Egypt.

[@MarquisForneus]

No, the correct choice would be Apep, the actual god of darkness and destruction in Egyptian mythology.

[@Crimsonhighlander]

But Set is now marketable. See also: Gods of Egypt. It's basically what can amount to an Egyptian Mythology trope now. I would also prefer to see Apep, but that would require more explanation, whereas Set is shorthand for bad guy now, apparently.

[@LupineShadowOmega]

+Crimsonhighlander Which is funnier still with Set vs Apep existing mythologically.

[@Crimsonhighlander]

Now that might be a cool thing to see in an Egyptian theme movie. Treat Set more as an anti-hero in correlation with his brother, and then use Apep as the actual main villain.

[@JoseRodriguez-un2kc]

Steps to make a Cinematic Universe. 1. don't announce the world your planning a universe. 2. make a good movie. (hint a scene or two that your building a universe) 3. wait until the movie makes money. 4. then make a sequel. 5. then make two spin-offs and from then on build a Cinematic Universe. 6. then add water, 1 egg and a cup of milk. 7. then bake 350° for 30 mins. 8. then you're done.

[@alex_roivas333]

lol. actually, i wouldn't have a problem with announcing that they're building a universe, but these movies really do need to be able to stand alone. the "hints" shouldn't be exactly that: hints, not entire scenes setting up things that will pay off in the spinoff or something (_if_ they even pay off then)

[@beetle3434]

In terms of world-building monster movies, I think I prefer Kong: Skull Island.

[@notsosuperpete1689]

I really loved that film! Even though the reviews were a bit mixed.

[@mst3KGf]

The so-called "MonsterVerse" seems to be doing fine as both "Godzilla" and "Kong: Skull Island" were both well received. But let's see if that holds. Certainly they've got a long way to go to be on Marvel's level.

[@WTFisTingispingis]

Beetle Kong was AWESOME.

[@RichardBatchelorComposer]

'Just hears the opening 4 words' Well better get the popcorn.....

[@neilprice513]

So they spent all the money on Russell Crowe's and Tom Cruise's salaries and not enough on making the movie, well, good! They should have just made these with not as well known actors, taken their time writing the script (not writing the script around their stars as that almost always tanks the movie) and spent time fleshing out a "possible" shared Universe. They should do what Marvel did in the beginning of the MCU, make them stand alone stories, THEN add little touches during the movie and a end credits scene that "hints" at a much larger shared story narrative. Build this up over at least 2-3 movies and then go the Full-On movie Universe. Like Marvel did with The Avengers (or "Avengers Assemble" here in the UK because of Trademark with an iconic 60's spy show) They had The Incredible Hulk, Iron Man, Thor, Iron Man 2 and Captain America: The First Avenger before they made the first Avengers movie. Everyone is just rushing these things out to catch up with the MCU and none of them have worked out BECAUSE they rushed it. Batman vs Superman should have been over at least 4 movies. The world scared of the existence of Superman, the backlash of Zod destroying Metropolis, Lex Luthor messing with Batman's head to get him to kill Superman (one line in the movie) and certain groups inside the US government trying to have contingencies to deal with anything like what happened in Man of Steel happening again (them working with Lex to either kill or capture Superman- properly setting up Taskforce X and the Suicide Squad). Instead they rushed the fuck out of everything just so they could have Batman and Superman fight in the 2nd movie of the DCEU.

[@Broadwaychica]

Neil Price Seriously. Studios never seem to grasp WHY certain ideas make a crap ton of money and just want to take shortcuts and then they make up bs reasons why their shotty attempts to copycat didn't work. I can't wait to see what their excuse is. I'd expect it to be the female mummy but given how well Wonder Woman's doing, I really doubt they could say that without being immediately told off. *sigh*

[@nickbernard7187]

Neil Price they also killed a major character, who they're just gonna revive, in the second movie which is just...strange to me.

[@neilprice513]

Yeah having "immortal" main characters in movies detaches them from any sense of peril. This makes the movie boring, if they have nothing at stake and nothing to loose.

[@CorrectFossa]

I don't care what anybody says, on paper the entire idea of bringing back old movie universes like the Universal Monsters and Toho Kaiju films is a good idea. What's not a good idea is hiring Alex fucking Kurtzman (or Robert Orci) on anything to do with your universe.

[@CoopRaccoon]

Yeah, when your first choice for director is one of the guys who wrote the fucking Bay Transformers movies, you know you fucked up.

[@shawndiaz7528]

slycooper20 _ I mean, those made dumptrucks of 💰

[@CoopRaccoon]

Shawn Diaz doesn't mean they were good.

[@shawndiaz7528]

slycooper20 _ The dude hiring the director wants there movies to make money, not necessarily 5 star reviews

[@ChristianNeihart]

Had I known earlier that One Half of the "Magic Blood" duo were working on the Mummy movie I would have thrown my cautious optimism out the fucking window a lot sooner.

[@UnreasonableOpinions]

It's sad that to this day visuals from the first Brendan Fraser Mummy movie are actually more distinctive and impressive than a movie taking place after three massive revolutions in CG effects, because they were made by people with an actual sense of design and aesthetic.

[@sachikiriyama6705]

Rule of Thumb: If you're gonna make a cinematic universe, at least try to make a decent movie. Otherwise, it'll fall flat as soon as it hits the ground. Take a look at DC Comics; It took them three misfires to finally get it right with Wonder Woman. I highly doubt Universal is willing to take that risk. And if they are, it'll bite them back in the end and it will make things worse than they would think...

[@Madeleinewith3Es]

Compared to this movie, the 2005 League of Extraordinary Gentlemen movie looks like a masterpiece of writing and characterization, and that's one movie I keep around because of how cheesy and weirdly pretty it is. Now that's a movie I'd pay to go see a good remake of.

[@alex_roivas333]

yeah, i liked league of extraordinary gentlemen ... when they said russel crowe was playing dr. jekyll, I was like "oh, cool! i really hope this is like LoEG"

[@kyletowers9662]

I've had this maybe-dumb idea of them making adaptations of 20,000 leagues under sea, king solomon's mines, dracula, etc. And ending them with Campion Bond showing up post credits to recruit them. Basically avengers but with literature.

[@davidcolby167]

Imohhhhhhtep. Imohhhhhhtep *stumbles around*

[@camillogiulietti2028]

David Colby Jonathan?

[@Imladros]

Since this was first anounced I keep thinking, "Who asked for this?!"

[@Shimamon27]

I never asked for this.

[@WTFisTingispingis]

Imladros Me too. It was the most bizarre attempt at trying to one up Marvel I've seen this decade.

[@ShanaReviews]

just a few added info for behind the scenes: Tom Cruise took control over directing and had it so that his character and the mummy "would get more screen time" in other words, Tom Cruise took over just to ensure he could keep on appearing in the cinematic universe. not gonna lie, Dracula Untold felt like a better start film to this Dark Universe

[@TheBearlociraptr23]

did anyone actually look at that trailer and think "ah yes, this is what lugosi and karloff and laemmle would have loved"?

[@JamesRoyceDawson]

Not dumb, funny or cheap enough for that. Just a boring movie.

[@Zezlemet]

Looks like I'm watching wonder woman again this week

[@thongattack1]

Yes!

[@maxcypond]

When do we get a modern comedy duo "Meet the Mummy" like Abbot and Costello? I'll vote for Nick Frost and Simon Peg Meet the Mummy. Or, Harold & Kumar Go to Dracula's...White Castle.

[@notoriouswhitemoth]

...so... this is League of Extraordinary Gentlemen again?

[@R3GARnator]

Did they forget that the ONLY semblance of a shared universe in Iron man, the movie that started the MCU, was A QUICK POST-CREDITS SCENE! Make the individual movies, focus on getting them right, THEN have them cross over. In other words... what Universal did decades ago.

[@dennett316]

If you want to start off the concept of the Monster Universe, why would you waste one of your signature monsters when doing it? Surely the best way would be to set up Prodigeum and what they do by having Cruise be recruited by Crowe and showing him the ropes...trot out a few more minor monsters in order to give them something to deal with. Maybe those minor monsters are looking to unearth The Mummy, ultimately, but we don't realise that until the climax where Cruise finds the sarcophagus has been partially opened and tries to recover it. Do the plane crash set-piece and we see Cruise's character die and wake up in the morgue where he then has visions of The Mummy and what she's going to do that scares the shit out of him...and end the movie there to set up to the proper Mummy film to come next. Or do it the other way...have this just be the straight up Mummy movie, then introduce Crow and Prodigeum right at the end as a cliffhanger. Sounds like they tried to do too much at once here. It's the Batman v Superman problem all over again...racing to play catch-up even though the competitor has a near decade long head start, so racing is pointless.

[@Izandaia]

Wait, they're called the "Universal Monsters" because it was a Universal Studios thing? I thought it was just because they were the most well known, classic, "universal" monsters in pop culture.

[@christianwright5874]

Universal, if you want to do the World of Darkness, contact Mark Rein-Hagen and White Wolf for the rights.

[@Shimamon27]

DON'T OPEN IT!!!

[@jadedinosaur7573]

You know, for those old Brendan Fraser movies... Those movies are pretty high on the cinematic cliff of "why can't people just like this more?" Even when they were bad like Bob said, they were still fun.

[@SoranMBane]

"Prodigium" sounds like what would happen if Izzy from Digimon were allowed to name a newly-discovered element.

[@Goodlordwhatshappeninginthere]

So other than Marvel is the kaiju-verse the only one of these things actually showing promise?

[@chromefantasia7670]

Richard Jones yeag

[@KeyBladeMaster-Dan]

Yeah basically

[@Grizabeebles]

How to write a Cinematic Universe: 1) Spend 4 days at a firehouse 2) Do at least 2 ride-alongs with the police 3) Spend a week straight going to arraignments and/or traffic court 4) Write a story that ties all that shit together _(what these studios and screenwriters never seem to get is that _*_this is somebody's day job._*_ That's why Hellboy worked, that's why Dick Wolf shows work, and its why the freaking "Tommyverse" works. A shared universe is made organically. Any top-down project is doomed to fail.)_

[@manDroidXX96]

I think the problem with the Dark Universe is that Universal wants to cash in on the brand recognition of their classic monsters without making movies that pay homage to them in any way

[@ars731]

The Mummy (99) is still in my opinion a good and very underrated movie. Of course my crush on Rachael Weiz didnt hurt.

[@rahcollier7006]

I'm still mad about this universe collapsing. I love Universal's Monsters, and I liked where Dracula Untold was heading! Universal, you invented the cinematic universe, what the hell?

[@Blackacreonfire]

A good example of one of the reasons I like your reviews: your last five words "It's really bad, you guys." Direct. Clear. On point. Helpful. Comprehensible.

[@Shimamon27]

If they want a "Dark Universe"... Just raid Vampire: The Masquerade... And the whole untapped "World of Darkness"... There's a ton of lore, it contains all the classical monsters, but, with a rather cool explanation... Holds vampires with immense depth, and truly has the capability to form it's own little shared-universe sequences... Seems like no one has touched this gem yet!

[@Mrcryptidsarereal]

When the first shot is of Bob being so exasperated that he could pass for the wide-mouthed gape of Arnold Vosloo's mummy, you know you're in for a treat.

[@DeepEye1994]

Godzilla and Kong: Skull Island are the most watchable "MCU wannabe" so far.

[@tvsonicserbia5140]

Can't really call Godzilla and Skull Island MCU wannabe, cause it's a reboot of Toho's Kaiju universe from the 60's

[@Aldo_raines]

It feels like one part of the design team wanted the mummy to be sexy and another wanted her to be a disgusting, rotting, walking, corpse, and neither team ever talked to each other before the premiere.

[@BigGhilz]

Wasn't the shitastic Dracula Untold the first film in that awful Dark Universe thing?

[@robotrix]

It was until it flopped

[@skullguy8504]

Don't forget The Wolfman

[@Volvagia1927]

Except it didn't flop? It would have if it had the budget this one does ($125 million), but a $217 million gross on a $70 million budget is a fair box office success. Maybe not enough to justify a franchise considering the reviews, but still an earner.

[@legendofhugh]

Man I haven't seen Man With the Iron Fists in forever and Crowe was amazing in that. "MY NAME IS MR KNIFE! You can call me Jack"

[@Rubberman202]

So I'm one of those people who actually wanted this new Universal Monsters or "Dark Universe" thing to work, even if it sounds like a dumb idea (though not as dumb as you'd think when you think about how the Universal monsters worked back in the day). As such, I almost want to see this movie just so I can see them get to all the monsters, even though this movie sounds REALLY bad... But hey, my dad really likes Tom Cruise, maybe he'll see it with me. :P

[@elheber]

Dark & Gritty is the new Campy. Let's embrace it as comedy like we did with camp.

[@TOGSolid]

The real dark universe is Alex Kurtzman's lack of talent.

[@dcell2585]

Wasn't the Dracula movie few years back the official "start" to this Universe? Or have they ditched that effort and started again?

[@seishino]

At this point, studios have no excuse to screwing up shared universes in this way. There are so many examples of ways to do this wrong. How did Universal still smash into many of these same problems?

[@Jupiter065]

This just makes me want to see the '99 Mummy again. Also your voice audio does a weird thing where it's loud at the beginning of every cut but then gets quieter and quieter.

[@apollion888]

You rock, sir. I would have said "You rock dude" 20 years ago. Also, Nick Fury "implied", he didn't "Infer".

[@kayeplaguedoc9054]

*Hears the story is setting up a mysterious covert agency meant to fight supernatural threats and monsters* So... they're trying to make it like Hellboy? Couldn't we have just had... y'know, _Hellboy 3_ instead?

[@WyattoonsComics]

The only studio I feel doing well with the universe building (besides Marvel) is Legendary with their Monsterverse. Godzilla and Kong both felt like separate stories that just happened to take place in the same world. The movies didn't stop every 30 minutes to basically play trailers for future films.

[@Gojiragon]

Thank you for warning me about this Bob. I don't know why, but for some reason I thought the shit stinker would actually work. I'm gonna go see wonder woman again instead

[@eon001]

I'm actually annoyed that Hyde is some pseudo good guy. He would have made a great antagonist.

[@freshFerdinand]

Especially when you already have Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde, but as good guy with the Hulk.

[@LupineShadowOmega]

I figure the idea was to build him up as a decendant of the original Dr. Jekyl, have some things happen, then reveal him later as an antagonist, but they didn't really set up or do anything with any of the characters, so who knows.

[@seishino]

Why didn't Universal just decree that Jurassic World (and by extension Jurassic Park) was the first entry into the Universal Monsters universe? It's fun, it's cheesy, they could bring back Chris Pratt. Vampires and T-Rexes would be fascinating. BD Wong / Henry Wu can do basically anything as a scientist, which gives a plausible lead-in to a lot of the monsters. Can you imagine a rain-soaked showdown between an angry Frankenstein and a lab enhanced Ultra Triceratops? It would be amazing! Or at least entertaining like the old universal films.

[@americanadian]

Couldn't agree more. I didn't exactly go into this film with high expectations (or rather my expectations were as low as they possibly could be) but damn... this movie is AWFUL!!! Not a good starting point for Universal's "Dark Universe" (geez, even the name of the universe sounds stupid).

[@1krani]

Here's an idea: take ERod the Blockbuster Buster's idea and make a universe leading up to The Universal Movie Monsters vs. The 1980s Slasher Villains. We can get Michael Myers vs. The Creature, The Mummy vs. Jason, The Wolfman vs. Leatherface, meanwhile Dracula's sitting atop his castle trying to figure out how he can assemble them all for a bit of world-terrorizing, and Freddy's trying to figure out how to direct them towards Springwood so he can resurrect again.

[@luisanitrans]

Deep breath, Bob, deep breath. You still have the new Transformers coming up in a few weeks and you need to save your strength on that future disaster, if it is going to be a disaster. #WherearetheGoodCartoons?

[@repulser93]

Actually, Bob thought the last one was the best of the four... but that's not really saying much.

[@luisanitrans]

True... But seeing the trailers and how they are now treating Optimus as a bad guy. Yeah... You know that there's no telling if this is going to be good or a complete disaster. #WherearetheGoodCartoons?

[@paulmartin591]

Not that I was anticipating getting into this "cinematic universe" in the first place, but I knew there was truly no hope the moment Bob sad the word "Prodigium".

[@michaelfraser1073]

I'd absolutely love to see a Universal Monsters Universe because it sounds like such a cool idea. A group of horrific monsters working together to end the world? That could be a brilliant inversion of the Avengers.

[@camillogiulietti2028]

Cinematic Universes exists to ignore substance for cheap easter eggs

[@motherlandone6300]

They forgot that the Universal monsters were characters, not just monsters. The Frankenstein creature wanted a friend. The Wolfman wanted to stop Killing. Dracula was desperate for blood to live. The Mummy wanted to find his love that was cruelty denied him and he was buried alive to boot. These beings come from tragedy. This would be Dark Universe and the executives who have okayed it don't know what they really have and don't care. These men sat in a room and screamed, "Get us a shared universe. That's hot with the kids right now." Meeting adjourned.

[@jonathansalvador5037]

Spent the entirely of the film's runtime trying to figure out what genre it was.

[@S1mply11]

Lost it at 4:24, "Javier, what are you doing?

[@ArcaneSorceror]

The Mummy, or "Why you shouldn't make a horror movie that is rated PG-13'

[@ecliptorcalrissian5014]

Poltergeist was PG. If you really know how to create suspense and fear, you don't need to rely on gore.

[@Zakanuva]

*_FUN FACT:_* This "Dark Universe" thing actually started with _Dracula Untold._

[@nekoali2]

Soooo.. Direct to MST3K then?

[@mst3KGf]

At the very least Rifftrax.

[@TomBraunZero]

It has been a rough year for wannabe Cinematic Universes.

[@1GoddessGeek]

Is there a portrait of Tom Cruise some place in the attic of the Scientology Headquarters that is aging? His face is starting to look weird!!!

[@BATCHARRO]

1:07 They fucked it up with Dracula Untold, Fucked it up with Wolfman, Fucked it up with Van Helsing and now need a re-re-reboot...which apparently they also fucked up.

[@petermedeiros1988]

OUCH Bob...hearing SHIELD called an NCISalike hurt.... even if there's some truth in there.... Nice review btw!

[@Lutzr2193X]

Am I bad person for wanting to see a freeway pileup of clown cars now? I think I might be.

[@DoctorInk20]

Remember when the original Karloff was interesting because the main character was THE MUMMY? Sophia Patella deserved that spotlight.

[@SpadeApeiron]

" 1 star .. & it's Really Dark universe you guys " - Bob !

[@vexorian]

It's cheap because 110% the budget went in using TRUE FILM STARS

[@mst3KGf]

Well now I'm definitely seeing this. Sometimes you just have to watch the train crash in slow motion. But I'm still hoping it does well enough so that this whole "Dark Universe" thing isn't strangled in it's cradle. I mean, it took the DCEU four films to finally get one right, so maybe there's hope for this thing. Kind of wished they hadn't nixed "Dracula Untold" as being part of this, however, because Charles Dance at the end saying, "The games begin" was actually somewhat exciting if only because it was Charles Dance.

[@Bobvanksy]

Everyone is trying to make their own Avengers without laying the ground work.

[@ashkuigp]

Well, our grandchildren will need to watch something on shlocktober episodes. And so universal delivers.

[@somniloguy12]

Let me guess. He hates the movie, but there is probably some really promising actress getting snowed in somewhere because of a bad script.

[@jackobrienacting]

The Will of G and bad directing. ;)

[@Sinnessa]

Damn, the clips looked really good. I guess those were all the good bits.

[@StephenMeansMe]

If I wanted a mashup/teamup of public-domain horror figures, I could just rewatch Penny Dreadful.

[@badendersgame]

I'm not surprised. I remember seeing previews for Dracula untold and hearing how it was going start the universal universe, and when that flopped they stared saying this mummy movie was going to be the start..... even though the only thing I could think at the time was "wow this looks so much worse then that Dracula movie from a year ago"

[@SameNameDifferentGame]

Haven't there already been two non-starters on this thing? Like... weren't Dracula Untold AND Victor Frankenstein supposed to be the start of this shared universe thing?

[@phothewin6019]

Didn't Universal's new Monster Universe start with the Dracula movie that came out in 2014, Dracula Untold?

[@ecliptorcalrissian5014]

What's funny is, a lot of the Universal Monsters films had sequels and there were crossovers with each other (and even Abbott and Costello.) This has the MCU beat by decades! So... why couldn't they get it right today?

[@shadowspider9]

Here's a question. Why not make the main character a rookie member of Prodigium? Then he has a reason for being in the movie, a reason for being after the mummy, and a reason for asking questions. Also Pordigium? REALLY! That sounds like something that should be in Digimon.

[@mikeclark3223]

So as with Dracula Untold and Wolfman and Van Helsing before it, expect the next installment to come out in 3-5 years and pretty much ignore everything that happened here.

[@robotrix]

Hey! You didn't mention that Cruise's sidekick in the movie spends his whole time doing an impression of Griffin Dunne from "American Werewolf in London" throughout the film! And this woman wanted to rule so she kills her parents and baby brother? It was ancient Egypt....she would have been married to her brother and would have ruled anyway.

[@leonardfabian8942]

I got an idea why don't they make a cereal mascot cinematic universe?

[@dragonetafireball]

Russel Crow to Tom Cruise "you may be younger than me..." Russel crow is 53 and Tom Cruise is 54

[@RasenFemme]

I had not seen that Dark Universe logo. They should make a movie out of that. Could be a kind of Wes Craven's New Nightmare sort of thing.

[@JohnnyCrayfish]

I feel like remakes of old horror movies should be... horror movies. I understand that only PG-13 action movies make any money and that casting Brendan Fraser as an Indiana Jones with great hair worked really well once or twice, but if they want to reboot the Universal Monsters, they should be about the monsters and at least try to make them scary.

[@FatherTime89]

Hey Bob have you ever rode The Mummy ride at Universal Studios?

[@docterfantazmo]

Imagine if they'd just taken the 1999 *Mummy* movie and it's sequel and merged them with the Jackman *Van Helsing* film. How much fun would it have been to see an immortal Helsing goofing about with the O'Connells in post WW1 Europe? I would have seen that.

[@AdraTheGhost]

honestly I'm still waiting for someone to take the plunge and licence a World Of Darkness movie universe. you cant tell me a Werewolf: The Apocalypse film wouldn't put butts in seats

[@CaptainBagman]

You should do a checklist at the end of the year to see how many of your predictions came true.

[@VisibleNinja5674]

What exactly is the endgame of a monster universe, though? Like with Marvel and DC there's at least superhero team-ups and punch-a-thons to work with. Unless they're just gonna have the monsters fight?

[@michaelolenik8410]

Personally I was hoping that Cruise was going to be revealed as Darius Biederbeck ala Dr. Phibes Rises again. That would have been a ton cooler, plus give them a reason to stick him in every one of their other dark universe movies.

[@Scorpio3002]

The Marvel Cinematic Universe is the new World of Warcraft. Competitors see how much money they're making on the business model, and decide to throw everything they've got at it, only to smash themselves on the rocks when they see that the path was a lot trickier than it looked.

[@Smashguy96]

The Monster Universe is doing pretty well.

[@soulhunter91]

I don't get the Dark Universe, because how would the team up movie work? The heroes team up? then all the monsters have to die.