Gender Expert: Men Are Emotionally Dependent On Women, We're Treating Them Like Malfunctioning Women

[@TheDiaryOfACEO]

🎉 DOAC Raffle winners, we’ve got in touch with you, please check your notifications as a few of you haven’t got back to us yet. The raffle continues! All you have to do is subscribe to this channel. If you’re already subscribed, you’re in the raffle! Best of luck! x

[@thelastaustralian7583]

Within the current foreign controlled Australian Corpratocracy . Destroying our once healthy Family, ,Community and culturally expressing social system, post World War Two . Relied heavily on destroying Males important Roles .

[@susanjohnson6334]

Congratulations 🎉 to the winners!

[@radicalradzik]

Wow! What an amazing opportunity for Steven and DOAC fans! Congratulations to those who have been gifted this award.

[@justinndungu2760]

Can I come watch the BTS.. I'd love too and I've done BTS photos for film so I'd like to do that for you.

[@davidmaxwaterman]

Like my postal voting ballot, the notification of me winning has not arrived yet ;)

[@anneyoung2310]

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.” One of my fave quotes.

[@kubasniak]

This is so good. I think a lot of people raised by Christianity are taught like you have to think less of yourself because it seems like it would be pride. Victim mindset.

[@bphilipnyc]

It wasn't CS Lewis that said this. Nice quote though.

[@derekkamm4755]

CS Lewis also said, “if you focus on heaven, you get everything earth has to offer… if you focus solely on earth, you get neither…” something like dat ❤

[@PlainUnapologeticTruth]

This is the actual problem of men. Thinking less of themselves and trying to be a provider in a world that does not need providers. I think this Richard Reeves is just a scam, knowing the issue and still fueling it.

[@MeMe-le5yt]

Humility: A modest or low view of one's own importance; Thinking about yourself less is actually called being selfless

[@Xianne027]

My mother died right around the time that my dad retired, and we kids all lived far away. But the neighborhood kicked in and kept finding community projects that they claimed they "needed" Dad's help with, from delivering water in his pickup to the water stands for the city marathon, to helping build things, to mowing the grass for an older woman, or helping the disabled. At the thrice weekly seniors domino games, he was given the "task" of picking up the donuts. Dad ended up being so connected and having a great social life that even I as a single working woman could envy. We were really fortunate to have him in such a neighborhood.

[@cindyglass5827]

@xianne 027 ... tfs, so happy for your Dad [ & you, your siblings] ! Yes, how truly ''smart'' & 'kind of his neighborhood : ) Yes, He now has connection, purpose & feels ''needed & useful'' !! .... thus busy, happy, contributing, not lonely & looks forward [hope] doing these things / reason to get up etc each day ! : )

[@Xianne027]

@@cindyglass5827 Well, it's all past tense. It's been almost 20 years since Dad passed away, but we were indeed really fortunate that he lived in a community that kept him connected and active those 13 years that he was a widower alone. They were really creative in finding ways to keep him busy and it gave him great joy to be needed.

[@cindyglass5827]

@@Xianne027 Sorry, I missed that part, I'm sorry for your loss etc ~

[@sara073e]

That's so nice to hear 🩷 If I ever live next to an elderly man, I will be making sure I need his help 🩷

[@MrMark595]

@@sara073e There still are generous and beautiful people in the world-great to see!

[@Aurea_mediocritas50]

Iam holding the door both for men and women, regardless of whether it is the CEO or the cleaning woman. For me it is just a natural gesture of kindness and respect to any human being.

[@roxannee8316]

@@Aurea_mediocritas50 💯💗

[@danielj1063]

Simple courtesy, indeed

[@AK20741]

Same & I am female. It's called manners, as is my articulated thanks when shown the same courtesy.

[@shaunroney414]

Same, also walking street side when with someone more vulnerable…a young child, an older adult (not because of age per se, but maybe balance/hearing challenges).

[@WrottJackson]

I only do it when I’m in a good mood.

[@poppy2244]

As a woman, 25, this is easily the best conversation that describes both my understanding and fears / concern for men & I appreciate Richard so much. I’d love to work for him.

[@timthetiny7538]

He's a pit viper who does nothing but sell men out

[@lauraw.7008]

11:12 regarding women relying on men for income; that predominantly played out in middle & upper income families. Poor family women have always worked; working for wealthy households, taking in laundry, sewing, etc.

[@lauracarstiou3505]

My mother stayed home until 45 years old. When my parents divorced she had to go to work for the first time. She was a much happier woman after she went to work!

[@markaurelius61]

Yes! not working was a luxury, not a form of oppression.

[@Marta-zm8oe]

@@markaurelius61 it was a luxury of the upper class but also a way of oppression. Not giving the women an education and not allowing them to work, making them completely dependable of the father or husband...

[@Marta-zm8oe]

@@lauraw.7008 to some extent women were still relying on men because they were paid less as their work was seen less professional and they were assumed to have a husband with a "normal" salary, so they were paid less

[@kelugu3776]

​@@Marta-zm8oeWhat do you mean "were" paid less? Still are.

[@Emberlights]

“The women’s movement was about women securing economic independence not of men losing it” such a good line!

[@dicekar]

what do you think it means when you hire a woman because of her being a woman over a more qualified man? you want to put more women on boards means less men on boards the independence gained has been at the expense of men women are finishing uni at 2:1 and its not that more women are finishing and the men never changed but after that women still will only marry uni grads which they outnumber. I rather women were just lifted but what was done school was changed to favor women and so has the work place and men were not allowed to be masculine or perform well.

[@Lukey2481]

Unfortunately it didn't come with all the responsibilities of being independent. That is why you see men kick off and leave entirely. Hypothetically, your married. Few kids. Wife leaves you for someone, take the kids and everything. A guy looks at that whole thing and goes 'why should I work hard and earn for a bunch of people living off of me and not being a part of my life. I'll check out then. Do it alone. F U all. And then everyone is shocked. Women demand to be treated like men until they want to be treated as women.

[@henrytep8884]

@@dicekar How do you know the man is more qualified? This is an insane take, we still live in a society where we have capitalism and free markets, therefore you hire for what drives the most revenue. Do you see revenue dipping anywhere because of women being hired? Where's the evidence that these men were more qualified? Is it showing up in the earnings or the revenue?

[@henrytep8884]

@@dicekar The second part of your rant is just hilarious though. What do you think the solution is if women are outnumbering men 2:1? You trying to force less women into college or are you trying to force more men into college? Maybe pay teachers more money to give more economic incentive for men to become teachers, then you'll have more male role models at school?

[@HankMcCoy888]

@@dicekar Women are getting raises because the horny bosses take favor of them too. And they wonder why their companies are going out of business because of their D.E.I. initiatives...

[@SeleMpoko]

I hold the door for who ever I'm with...it's called being polite.

[@eddenoy321]

Good on you , I do the same.

[@slcoly1]

@@SeleMpoko common sense genius!! The unrecognized human being . Thank you for showing love easily.

[@jonnytheartist]

Humanity has gone backwards

[@Shakor77]

Why? Modern women don't deserve any favors.

[@rosebarbour8493]

I do as well.

[@evgeniyabessolitsyna9474]

Honestly, as a Russian woman, this is ridiculous to me to listen to western men justifying opening the door for a woman in rather apologetic manner. 100% it’s a good thing that is showing respect and care for a woman! As well as it indicates the person is well-mannered. We open doors for elderly people and kids, too. To all men who’s “old fashioned “: you are amazing, never change :)

[@ErgiLaci-x1n]

Stick to your traditions, fellow eastern European girl, for it is our strong foundations that will stand the test of time, and the uncertainty of the west that will inevitably be it's own demise.

[@JAG214]

You do not understand why men are justifying it because you do not live over here and if you did you would know a lot of men have been burn by a lot of women in the west because of xyz and men are starting to not put up with western women bs any more I see nothing in your comment about what you would do for a man and only see you talking about what a man should do because for sure more men would do more nice things for women if women didn't do all the bs they do nowadays

[@scorpieeeee]

@@ErgiLaci-x1n "traditional" Eastern Europe is a fairy tale for Westerners. you need to believe in delulu-land, where russian wives in floral dresses milk a cow

[@robertsmith2088]

I don't even know this was a thing to be honest. Just hold the door open to whoever, I thought is the normal way of doing things. Isn't it?

[@lyndy5396]

I agree. As a women, I also do it. Subconsciously open the door for anyone. I even the store front door when a cat waiting and let them in. I believe the owner must be in the store. I always like cats but not able to get close for long. Otherwise, my skin gets severe allergies. It doesn't mean I hate cats and not treat them good. I also say thank you and sorry. I don't know why I am doing it. It's not made up. Subconsciously I stop and let others walk through or giving them a way out. Whenever I walk through, I will say excuse me while bowing my body. It's something that my mom teach me. My dad never teach me about it. I always feel grateful and say thank you to whoever open the door for me. It's like an angel helps me out. Secretly I pray for them. May God bless you all. For all the good things you are done to others, even when you think it's not worth it.

[@personlady2438]

All journalists should study Steven Bartlett and how effective he is at interviewing. The allowance of silence, the warmth, the authentic interest, the calm pacing. It all makes for an honest discussion that feels more like a heart-to-heart talk than an interview. ❤ Thank you.

[@tabascofaith]

Steven allows his guests to talk. Sounds like an obvious way to hold an interview, but there are podcasts I just cannot watch anymore from the CONSTANT interruptions by the host, or worse, the host wants to say what they know about the topic, then ask, "would you agree?". Steven comes prepared, listens, stays present, asks relevant questions. An intelligent and humble man. Bravo.

[@agentm83]

Totally, it feels more just like a discussion or casual chat, rather than a typical Q&A interview, though he does manage to get the questions in...

[@colevandais]

I agree. I love watching his podcasts, because of his warm, understanding and curious personality and the ability to know exactly where to interject and ask questions. He is not only an active listener but an active participant in the conversation with a deep interest in what everyone has to say that he interviews. Well done on becoming the wonderful person that you are Mr. CEO

[@ellenthom34]

And all the prep shows

[@Arin1919]

I can listen to him all day. ❤

[@Liifeoftai]

I’m only 40 minutes in to this conversation & I have already cried multiple times. As a 29 year old man & so much of this is so relatable. It’s so hard to articulate these things. Thank you for having this conversation!

[@thomascrohan7810]

Same brother

[@LoveQuestWithLisaConcepcion]

You have permission to wipe your tears, study a trade and create your best life. Turn those tears to anger and then anger to fuel for success. They want you soft and weak so they can rule over us. It's time for men to be warriors not wimps. I have so many clients studying stoicism with their sons. Powerful mastery of self.

[@oafee1053]

@@LoveQuestWithLisaConcepcion And here you are, grifting off the pain of others.l Gross.

[@solus8685]

​@@LoveQuestWithLisaConcepcion omfg SHUT UP HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING??

[@thomascrohan7810]

@@LoveQuestWithLisaConcepcion proving their point that men can’t have emotions 🙄

[@subarashiiai16]

"rather than run the risk of doing something wrong, they do nothing." - what a gut punch. Hit the target, bullseye. Very powerful statement. The whole section about What advice you would give your children is just so impactful and well articulated

[@ballenboy]

This is me. I refrain from trying in the chance of misstepping. Especially with women.

[@Tamarocker88]

@@ballenboy When the risks are so high for merely misstepping, who can blame you?

[@rimiserk8277]

​@@Tamarocker88They love to leave that part out on purpose.

[@haleighmcwhirter414]

This interview encapulates a lot of the complexities I have experianced involving my place as a woman and my relationships with men. Being raised by my grandmother, she was very forthcoming about her personal struggle as a Woman in the early-mid 1900's, working and trying to raise a family. The imbalance in her marrage, relationships, and workplaces and the ensuing liberation following the civil rights movement for women. She always told me how important the fight to win our rights was and to never take it for granted. As I grew up I noticed a growing, but unspoken problem for the men in my life and their struggles. And now as a grown woman and a mother of 2 boys, I want to help them learn what being a good man means. A lot of your talking points hit home to me. You explained things I have noticed but could not put words too. So, Thank you for taking the time to talk about this, its very important. I love your comment that pointed out the flaw in thinking that in order for men to give women more space, they felt the need to get smaller. But, Bridging the gap between genders and our roles in the modern era required empathy for eachothers battles, and appreciation for eachothers strengths. Men are important, and cultivating, as he put it, mature masculinity, is necessary and absolutly needed for men to flourish in our changing society.

[@transparentnewsnetwork-tnn9412]

It's so unfortunate that people have to say "men are important" as it always should have been without having to say it. That to me and the men I know is as a result of a lot of serious neglect and ignorance towards men. Imagine saying "women are important", how does that make people feel? It in and of itself exposes a hidden bias towards men's vital role in everything. That needs to be addressed first.

[@patriciaoconnor4741]

Marry and stay married young have kids

[@crispychap7279]

I rarely comment on vids. But I had to share on this one. I lost my son to suicide just over 2 years ago. The pain does not diminish and the guilt about what I could have done better or different will haunt me forever. Conversations like this are so important. ❤❤ Thank you so much for this 🙏🙏

[@tut9685]

I share your pain of loss of your son. You are a good person. I wish you all the best.

[@TheMarabest]

I feel you! Send my compassion. I am a mother of a 27 yo son and in order to help our son, me and my husband read DR David Hawkins book Letting Go and applying his method in order to help our son feel more loved and secure. We also thought we failed somehow and felt guilty. This guilt made us felt furious, felt resentment and interacted with him from that place. Now, due to this method we've learned how to let go of guilt, and other negative emotions, we can interact with him and each other from a better place, without negative emotions. Give this method a try, I'm sure your son didn't want you to punish yourself for the rest of your life. [sorry for my English]

[@melthree8755]

❤

[@patriciaoconnor4741]

The message to give is save yourself for your wife get married young have kids all around me men are lost

[@mihaelamititelu6077]

"You shouldn't think less of yourself, you should just think of yourself less" very well said!

[@btoiscool]

Fuck no, that's entirely the issue. Men should think of themselves a whole lot more.

[@berealistic2703]

This is the problem of men. Men should start thinking about themselves more instead of thinking about others. Stop trying to be providers in a world no one is looking for providers

[@alaska3390]

@@berealistic2703yes that is the first step to bettering the world. You can’t help anyone if your cup is empty.

[@Specopleader]

shit quote

[@rumorcontrol7873]

And when are you ever allowed to think about yourself when doing so makes other people call you selfish? I'm fine with selfish.

[@melt2947]

One of my friends who is just 20, tried to commit suicide yesterday. He seems to ‘have it all’..he’s good looking, has a career that he loves, a supportive family..I’m just shocked he would try to do this. I'm going to see him tomorrow when he is discharged from hospital..I’m just going to listen, and hopefully my support will make a difference, however small. We all need to check on the people we love. Things may not always be as good as they seem..

[@omarcristaldo7103]

Really sorry to hear that. Many man had been thought to not talk about their issues or feelings, causing a high level of stress and pressure about what we were meant to do, and now what we are not meant to do. Many man struggle and need a friend to talk.

[@matgamer5916]

Many men are going through a struggle right now, I hope he pulls through.

[@Aisha.Ricci005]

Ohhh so sorry! Why would he try to end it all? Why?

[@pasco_4926]

has he got a men's circle?

[@chmicharka]

Sorry, but who the fuck has a career at 20yo?!

[@stardobbins4141]

In the middle of relationship struggles w/my fiance (9.5yrs together) & I actually told him the other day that I didn't need him, I wanted to be with him & choose to. We have four children. Thought that statement would help him realize I'm not using him or soley reliant on him to carry it all alone. After this, though, I understood why he said it back as something negatively stated. I thought it would allow him to not feel so pressured or feel a failure for not carrying us alone financially, but that it likely made him feel useless & worthless...which is exactly the wording he used. I thought he was having an extreme reaction, but after this, I'm recognizing how hurt that must have been to hear me say that. This video found me at the perfect time. We just started couples therapy, in which I had changed from my female therapist to a male one to make my fiance more comfortable. I'm so glad I did that. This video was eye-opening for me & I'll be buying the book! Thank you!!!!

[@kennethg9277]

I'm an old man, and I've seen women in my life (relatives, friends) say pretty much this kind of thing to their boyfriends and husbands many times over the years. As a result I've always found it amusing that society tries to hammer in to us that "women are better at communication" and "women communicate at a totally more advanced level than men"... this just isn't true. Women are just as inept and self absorbed when it comes to communication with men as men have ever been with women. Otherwise it wouldn't be a surprise to so many of them that the words "i don't need you" might... be.... troubling to a romantic partner? Jesus. 😂

[@Thedrisin155]

Opening a door for a person, any gender, is being a considerate human being. I care about you and see you as a person of value to hold the door. Treat others as you’d like to be treated.

[@lks11]

Communist

[@iridescentraindrops]

Exactly. It's not a men or a woman thing. It's something that a respectful person would do.

[@AndrewTheFrank]

agreed, and i hardly ever see women open up doors for men which must mean that women do not value us as human beings.

[@Vickiluv]

I love that men hold the door for me and always thank them. However I always notice a ww come speeding up out of nowhere so that I as bw will be forced to grant her this “entitlement”. And when this dynamic plays out in the numerous mundane ways where they demonstrate this inhuman rank pulling reflexive default there can be no reciprocity.

[@ashleywalker1411]

So true

[@em-dy3hn]

Reminder: Basic manners apply to both men and women. "Holding the door is a symbol of"... courtesy.

[@Ffsdevgj]

Yeah, but a lot of women feel they are entitled to everything!……

[@wethepplwhorblackerthanblu6442]

Yeah, that word and the word " thoughtfulness " is quickly disappearing from the United States lexicon

[@ayyyejesterdazed]

@@Ffsdevgj I had a male neighbor who refused to walk through the door if I was holding it. My apartment was RIGHT ACROSS from the exit/entrance door. The handle was already in my hand, but his ego refused him to walk through a door that was already opened before he reached the handle. just because I’m a woman🤦🏽‍♀️ made me feel so worthless and low smh. The same way your comment makes me feel worthless and low😒

[@mrclean465]

@@ayyyejesterdazed maybe you could just deal with it??? How hard is it to have 1 piece of gendered decorum? That man is not saying with his actions that you are not worthy to hold the door open for him. He saying that is not his place and it is not how he grew up. Try letting him hold the door open for you I bet it would make his day make him feel needed and not so ostracized by not only you but society as whole. Not everything is about you

[@francesbrennan5160]

@@Ffsdevgj There's a definite group of Women who feel entitled, above everyone else, it is also true that applies to many Men too, it can also be seen in some children. I avoid people like that, if possible, you can't change their Maladaptive Ego, but you can avoid 'Feeding it'. Don't pander to these characters, your worthiness does Not depend on their extremely Conceited opinions.

[@AncaFit]

I was alone traveling with my daughter who is 6. When we were getting out from the bus to go to the airplane, I was holding her hand but also had 2 bag packs, mine and hers, and they were heavy. A very nice guy looked at us and asked permission to help her step out of the bus, off course I said yes because I obviously needed help. These things are so important, and I appreciate very much when men are offering to help, they really are taller and/or stronger most of the time and being a gentleman makes the difference. We are different and we should just acknowledge and respect these differences.

[@CambieSweets]

It’s true we are different but the problem is women’s differences are seen as less valuable in society. The reality is that we are complementary. One isn’t better than the other.

[@desarc6855]

@@CambieSweets this thought alone makes some men think that society takes their worth from them. They 'need' to be better. At least better than women, if all men they meet in life and see in the media are presumably better than them. Were they to abandon this way of thinking, they may feel better.

[@CambieSweets]

@@desarc6855 Absolutely, men are always playing a zero-sum game.

[@cavaleirosemlicenca3894]

🤢🤮

[@plantsbeautylove]

I don’t want a world where caring gentleman are so few .

[@Eelah3]

This is heart felt honest, meaningful conversation that has the “right tone”that did not “pander to either group” but gave a honest look at the needs of men. THANK YOU!!!!

[@oliviaz.5205]

As a woman, I found this one of the most enlightening conversations on the topic of masculinity vs femininity I have ever heard. I have had many talks with male friends, and it seems so many areas are suffering from inflammation and are sore and tender and always lead to polarization. So thank you to both of your ambitions to tend to these wounds. I am closing this tab with a lot more compassion and understanding towards my partner and the other men in my life.

[@vklnew9824]

Poorly aged white ♀️

[@MihaelaFroehlich]

Beautifully said!

[@laurajanco2i]

​@vklnew9824 ahole

[@MowMowCreations]

The concept of femininity and masculinity without scientific backing drives me crazy. Like colors or leadership.

[@hongpham105]

I agree, beautifully said. I have been so angry with men between the 2016 and now 2024 election results. I could not understand why the gender divide is getting worse and I refuse to go back in time. I have so much more compassion for men after this podcast. Thank you so much for making this! We need these kind of intellectual dialogue not soundbites from pundits. I would have loved to hear suggestion on policies that help elevate gender equality for women AND men.

[@neesaljohnson86]

So true about the narrative regarding suicide. My sister was contemplating suicide after having struggled with depression and fibromyalgia received a breast cancer diagnosis. I told her that it would be horrible to loose her and that I would grieve our sister would grieve and our parents the rest of our lives for her. I told her if I could just listen I would...she is a breast cancer survivor of 15 years now and will be 63 in August

[@KmK4924]

Bless you, and your sister.

[@khalexi8692]

That's beautiful for her and that she has such loving and caring family around her

[@andreaandrea6716]

Wow. The power of being seen and heard.

[@stephankingsley7322]

I'm 44, single, never been married, and don't have children. Everything you both said resonated deeply and at points brought me to tears. I feel seen and heard, which is such a profound thing when I felt so lonely. Thank you both for being brave enough to have the conversation. I see you and hear you, also.

[@Allasondra]

Keep your head up. Read your Bible be a man ! Don’t feel bad about it. You are strong, God made and a man. You have conquest and conquering in your blood!!! Go out and get it! 💪🏽🔥

[@XTRABIG]

similar. I'm 49, single, never married, no kids.

[@hughobrien4436]

Read" the rational male" by Rollo Tomassi. You still have a chance to have the life you want.

[@kafenelily2125]

There are more than 3 billion women in the world,if u really want a woman,why restrict yourself to your zip code,travel,hell go on dating app,fill in a different state,country,continent. Have an open heart,and open ur eyes,be smart. U dont have to be rich to do this.theres a woman out there for everyone,just be a good person thats all

[@mygrinningcat]

Hi Stephan, thanks for sharing! 😊

[@NinaLeroyxx]

the fact that nobody talks about censored book called The 21 Former Doctor Secrets by Rachel Morgan really gets to me. Always loved doctors like Rachel, they open our eyes

[@JAG214]

Why because it coming from a woman and not a man

[@AlfredLow]

Right Emotionally ohh the unknown and mysterious of Emotion, Did I do it, did I make you happy knowing emotion are mysterious XD. The need to feel something to regulate you to feel special. LOL

[@victoria256r]

I loved that book!

[@victoria256r]

i highly recommend it

[@304enjoyer3]

What’s it about?

[@emilijad.7877]

This talk captured so much nuance and perspective. It's refreshing to see people who can show empathy for both men and women without putting the other one down. Thank you for that!

[@Yomojojo]

Right we should be working together.

[@jenerin905]

​@@YomojojoWe NEED each other. Women and men together, with each of our strengths cancel out our weaknesses.

[@JennaWhite-h1d]

Awesome conversation… Thank you. I loved that you said, “We’ve spent so long calling men out and now it’s time to call them in.” ❤

[@chica212]

I agree ❤

[@Krunchtastic727]

Good luck the damage is done. Maybe if you start right now maybe in 20 years you can have one.

[@JAG214]

Also we also have not spent enough time on calling out on women bs

[@uncklassboy180]

big part of the issue is defining "caring, nurturing, and emotionally vulnerable" as "synonymous with femininity". these are simply human attributes that have been societally attached to femininity and a lot of men would probably have no issue being those things if it wasnt seen as feminine

[@ericaroberts772]

we could also stop viewing feminine as negative and that would handle it too.

[@suburbanlegends1989]

Thank you. I have three sons (8, 6 and 2) and they are all naturally so caring and nurturing. It makes me sad to think society is going to teach them that's not how they should be.

[@jrd33]

"these are simply human attributes that have been societally attached to femininity" -- no, they are not. They are biological attributes most commonly found in women. They are not learned social behaviors.

[@IrisDel-qo8xi]

The problem is many people view fimininity as being weaker and inferior

[@swanvegalove]

Thank you for telling them!! This is the missing piece here. Men keep themselves from being Human. It's not feminine to be HUMAN. Feelings And Connection Are Human! Not Weak! It's not so complicated. Stop Being Stern And Macho And Let Yourself FEEL without Self-Hatred. Reach Out to other men and chat about your Situation and Feelings. That's it!

[@2FLOOFS]

Of all the amazing guests, and important matters I have listed to on your podcast, this has been in my opinion the most touching. I thought of my father who is now retired and clearly lost about what his new role is, my brother, who is a young adult with no guidance or a companion of his own, and my husband who leads the best example of a man in our everyday life, and it made me appreciate their struggles a lot more. Thank you Steven for all the amazing work you are doing with every new episode.

[@Not_a_number_]

The male door holding thing has always baffled me. I went to a mixed sex school and we were taught to hold the door open for anyone who was coming along behind, as long as it didn't mean they had to run to take advantage of the opportunity. 😂

[@cantbendknee]

This is a red herring. Nobody actually cares about holding doors apart from manosphere commentators.

[@wardeggerrobertmarius144]

I love automatic doors 😂

[@Oakleaf700]

If we are passing through a heavy door or gate, it's common courtesy to hold it open for those passing behind us. {Men and women} A really sweet boy {aged about Eight} went and got me a paper bag for a dog treat while in a queue at the till... Lovely manners- he heard me asking the man at the till ''Do you have bags for the treats?'' and the young lad went off and got one.

[@tresjolieme81]

you must not have grown up in the south

[@Not_a_number_]

@@tresjolieme81 No, I didn't. What was it like around door holding culture?

[@atide_and1175]

I can't be the only young woman (29, single, wanting to get married) who was absolutely stunned by the repeated message of "men need to be needed". If there is one thing, I am actively working on in regards to relationships, it's "Do not be needy! Never come close to being perceived as a burden!". The message toward women from men within their dating pool has repeatedly been that! That's why I feel unsure about how to process this new learning..

[@paper601]

Yes, they need to be needed (of use, valued, helpful, loved), which is different to being needy (insecure, whiny, demanding). That’s how I interpret what he means by needed.

[@atide_and1175]

@@paper601 to me it sounds like anything that isn't hyper-independant on a woman's part is already too needy. Would have appreciated the two to get a bit more into this.

[@paper601]

@@atide_and1175 I haven’t picked up on that, but I’ll keep listening. I always find that sort of stuff beside the point anyway to be honest. When I listen to these views, I can empathise and appreciate what’s being said as other people’s experiences, but I write my own book and it doesn’t include a man who thinks I’m needy, it’s one who understands me, and I understand him.

[@teddydem]

Brene Brown is an excellent voice on the shame of being vulnerable. We're all human, we all have needs.

[@dblackout1107]

We are instinctively driven by purpose and feeling like we matter deeply to a woman that is there for us as much as we are for them. Eliminate purpose and most of a man's identity is destroyed. We become lost. And we know no one will come to help. We're alone either to figure it out or give up. I unknowingly went into a shitty job right after college that has dragged me down. I'm 29 as well, wanting to meet anyone at all as it's been over a decade of loneliness, wanting to marry, and wanting to figure out where I go from here career-wise. I've been a number in this job, my parents are heartbroken to see me spiral into who I am today, had some health issues, and I was pretty close to suicide twice during covid taking stock in all of these things. Now I know I don't want to die, but I still haven't cracked the code at getting the excitement back to live vibrantly. I miss having someone to share life with. Don't second guess yourself at all. Your "neediness" may be the purpose that revives a man in their life, reminds them they matter again, and earns you a devoted partner.

[@MsMagie]

I’m not even half way through the episode and can’t hold back on commenting and saying thank you for talking about this. As a diehard women empowerment advocate, single mom of a son and daughter, that left a abusive misogynistic marriage, I over poured into my daughters and my own independence and empowerment, while subconsciously forcing my son to becoming all about women empowerment and I believe it caused him to struggle with his own sense of masculinity and even value. He’s such a sweet and kind young man now (22 yrs) but I can see the struggle he has when it comes to feeling valued and know who and how he should be. I recognized this years ago, apologized and have been trying to help him with that. While my daughter (18 yrs) knows who she is, her value and how she shows up in the world. This is a long overdue conversation and doesn’t mean that we are turning back the clocks.

[@_VISION.]

Wow, a mother who apologized to their son? Rare

[@neo1053]

​@@_VISION.Why she needs to apologize to her son for

[@beingonpause]

Beautiful share. Thank you. I’ve done this work too. I made sooo many apologies. 🤦🏻‍♀️ If you need some guidance where to go next… A good book I read was The Queens Code by Alison Armstrong. Also The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida. Both these helped me understand the men in my life and how to foster healthy masculine energy in my three sons. Your open heart is already serving your son, blessing to you. ❤

[@_VISION.]

@@neo1053 I guess you don't know how to read

[@NattyGymBro]

And this is why prisons are filled with men and women who were brought up in single mother homes.

[@alejandrapardo5904]

This conversation was amazing. Thank you for helping us understand what our men and boys are going through.

[@oafee1053]

Psychologists studying reasons for attraction have always had proximity in the top spot. To be in proximity to people you have to leave your house and do things, meet people. This is the first thing we should be telling our young men. This was a really good conversation.

[@stopthebs77]

I hold a doctorate in Clinical Psychology, and agree. Proximity and thus exposure to potential mates is necessary. Notably, it's also massively more effective for finding a true match in a partner than the common trust people put in online dating these days.

[@alexdavila1356]

Here's the massive elephant in the room were avoiding with this platitude; we've tried that and found 'sexual harassment' claims and being filmed as 'that creepy guy' for millions of people to mock online a strong demotivater to approaching even in places where you regularly attend. All of this is easily accessible at your finger tips at this very moment, just use Google or KZbin. It happens everywhere. Guys who choose to do something outside the home regularly, like go to a certain bar/ restaurant, join a hobby club, or volunteer somewhere... do not want to risk the very real potential of being humiliated and kicked from that space. For instance work was always a possibility in the past, now it's a HUGE no no and it doesn't matter how you look or if your approach style is optimal/ the best approach in the world; you never attempt that at work.

[@BennyMcGibbon]

No, nothing is more lonely than going out to social events and feeling left out. Relationships are all transactional these days. People want you to raise their social status, make them look good, or have money or be a battering ram. There's no longer a benchmark communal link between people. By disrupting the old communal roles and inserting a smorgasbord of options it's killed off the societal positions men used to have. We have a multi cultural, multi national, multi sexual, multi ethnic society now. It's false and the roles of men will obviously drop out when you elect to have this cheeseboard of options. It always comes down to the elite.

[@rukia01wubbaduck]

​​@@BennyMcGibbon you're dooming and choosing loneliness. Meeting people and having fun around people is a skill you learn, like all things. Like speaking. You could never speak if you never practiced it. Pull through that initial awkwardness. You are looking at people and immediately casting a judgemental light on them. Deciding they're without integrity without even knowing them. There are people for everyone. Put yourself out there and choose to reserve your judgement until you know someone. Choose to see what you like or admire about them. You might get to know bad people. You'll learn from it. You'll learn to distinguish genuine people you vibe with. Choose life, man. Maybe you'll learn that the ~other identities~ that you choose to judge can be filled with cool and interesting people too. Based on how you write, I'm willing to bet you don't really personally know any of these people.

[@BennyMcGibbon]

@@rukia01wubbaduck Rubbish. I've had many relationships and many friends. I've travelled all over the world. Something is amiss. Seriously amiss. If you can't see that then I feel that you should.

[@pearle333]

As a middle schooler, my father criticized me for wanting shoes like the other kids, saying what I wanted was a job. In my relationships, I became the breadwinner. I no longer look at men as the provider and protector. Now, I find relationships having too many issues and prefer to be alone. Rather than trying to earn love, now it comes down to how to find my own self-worth. Looking for what I need from with-in. That's one of the main changes happening in the world.

[@Bad_man_bob]

Absolutely. I too only found peace once i learned to truly love myself. We men are far too conditioned to be disposable and human doings instead of human beings. The game looks very different once you learn to value yourself and your peace.

[@pearle333]

​@Bob_111 I love that! Human doings, rather than human beings. That's the most accurate depiction I think I have ever heard. What we bring and what we do defines us. Rather than just being, the only time a person seems to be valued for who they are, is after the person passes.

[@melt2947]

@@pearle333 I hope you find someone who deserves your love..and that can give it to you freely, not expecting you to ‘earn’ it

[@wavewatcher_]

That’s what women go through as well. Right now nobody is acknowledging the differences and expecting the same outcome from both men and women. This is why all of us are ending up alone trying to fulfill ourselves with our hobbies and jobs.

[@TheDiaryOfACEO]

Thanks for sharing and starting this conversation! 🙏

[@FamBamHouse]

I’m 22 years old, with a three year old son. Single father with FULL CUSTODY. Partnerless. Without my son I can see exactly what he is talking about. I find myself in a unique situation. Great episode!

[@Lakshay.Vermaa]

at 22?, damn brother i am 22 as well but im pursing my studies right now. life is really different for people regardless of being of same age. i wish good health for you and your son and may you be able to provide the best for him.

[@CMA418]

Seek wisdom. There can be change without growth, but there can be no growth without change.

[@JenniferoftheSea]

You are amazing and your role is the most important in your son's life. May Christ bless you and keep you.

[@jnbotanics1280]

I'm in the same boat, with a 6-year-old girl. It changes your view on dating and what you'll put up with and what you like and expect from a partner. I suspect you're rocking single parenthood, building a career without crying about it or blaming anyone.

[@recoveringsoul755]

Why does the mother have no involvement at all? For young children especially, a mother is important. Unless she was really harming the child. I raised my children effectively alone, because I married an alcoholic who also abused us But somehow, with slander he stole my children and paid off home and all the cars and my clothes and furniture and everything in the house. Leaving me on the streets with nothing. I hope that for your child's sake, you did not acquire sole custody by using parental alienation. Because that is severe child abuse

[@roccocarlino067]

I solved all my relationship problems in my mid 40's when I decided to follow celibacy, and amazingly everything just fell into place. My life as a middle aged man blossomed, I didn't realise just how emotionally draining it was trying to please others, but mostly my own desires! Truly, if you conquer lust, attachment and dependency, life is sooooo much more rewarding and you feel a sense of self-sovereignty.

[@kennethg9277]

Sounds idyllic

[@Engrave.Danger]

The most risky thing I've experienced in relationships was going all in because that meant I was going all out from myself. Break ups would end life as I knew it and leave me to start again from scratch. It's a fantastic way to feel worthless and alone. I didn't meet the right woman until I was 29 and we've been married for the last 12 years with an 11 year old daughter. My second biggest fear is losing one of them. My first is losing myself. Our family unit makes one hell of a team but our individual independence and interests are our foundations. It's important to spend some time alone doing things that I love. It helps me maintain my relationship with myself and if I were ever to experience tragedy that left me all alone, I'd have hobbies and experiences to fall back on. When everything in our lives are attached to our relationship, such as friends and entertainment, everything is at risk. There's nothing attractive about someone who's single and has absolutely zero passions or interest for anything and we all know it. All it attracts are crazy clingers that put us back in the same situation they found us once they're gone.

[@gracefortheteam7726]

Great post!

[@Engrave.Danger]

@@gracefortheteam7726 thank you. I wish I could have grasped the concept from my parents divorce but it took me nearly losing my life and spending 6 days in ICU for me to understand several months later. It's a little more detailed version of, "you can't love someone else until you learn to love yourself." Though we also have to learn to trust ourselves to be able to enjoy our leisure time alone and we can't have alone time in a relationship without trusting our partner, or at the very least realizing that if we cannot trust them, then our relationship isn't really worth our time.

[@manifest2203]

Beautifully written ❤

[@crowncliff]

This one of the most important comments on this post and echoes thoughts I've had about men needing to have identifies outside of just "dad" "husband" "provider" etc. Men are valuable simply from having been born, not because they've made themselves into a red pill caricature.

[@Engrave.Danger]

@@crowncliff my mom lost most of her social life when my parents got divorced. So much of what they did involved my dad's side of the family and although some of them didn't disown her, it was just awkward. The last girlfriend I had before I met my wife was only interested in parties and new things. She wanted the newest phone every year, the newest car every time she could upgrade and new clothes every time she got paid. When I finally realized how hollow she was, we were already living together. I promised myself that I wouldn't get into another relationship with someone that lacked passion and hobbies. The first thing that caught my heart from my wife was her love for black and white photography. We went on hikes and adventures to find more pictures to develop in her dark room and it was awesome. I don't personally share her passion but I don't need to. I only have to support hers. I screwed up when I started my journey as a dad. I wanted to be there for my daughter as much as I possibly could because my dad wasn't there for me. When I went to a therapist to address my depression, I was asked what I did in my time alone. I responded with work, commute and chores. I had no idea I should have been making a little time for some solo leisure here and there. I got back out into nature and at one point while training for a race, I did a multi day paddle in my kayak and camped on the riverside. When I finally saw the lake at the end of my 130 mile paddle I broke down into tears apologizing to myself for forgetting I was in there. I'm the best friend I could ever have and it's too easy to forget that. I resurrected and discovered several other hobbies now that keep me in good physical condition and my girls encourage me to do them because I'm a better father and husband when I take care of myself. I'm more content with life when I kick my ass in positive ways.

[@debbiepolowy913]

It's almost impossible to be the sole provider when most families need 2 incomes to survive in current economies.

[@kevinpankanin6222]

And that was the plan all along. Decrease in home gardening and cooking or in home entertainment. thereby creating a need for businesses to offer things like childcare, grocery delivery, drive throughsz etc.

[@luminous6969]

That's cos "something" happened about 50 years ago that doubled the supply of workers while the demand stayed the same, causing wages to be devastated.

[@manifest2203]

@@kevinpankanin6222if women didn’t come to the workforce, w4m4n would have terrible lives. So no, it’s not a “plan”.

[@manifest2203]

@@luminous696950 years ago things were terrible for most people. That’s not the case today. And a few years before there were w4ars. Don’t sugar coat the past and idealise something that didn’t even exist.

[@manifest2203]

@@luminous6969 the jobs that existed back then didn’t exist. M4n simply didn’t adapt. Plus w4m4n were working for fr44. He is talking about the HEAL sector. All that was done by w4m3n for free.

[@IanUnderwood1974]

For most men, it boils down to two things: Nobody cares. Work harder.

[@Occult_Gibbet]

man up

[@Tamara_rs45]

Exactly. That's why most kids leave those same men, or let's say those "fathers" behind in nursing homes and never look back. If you don't want to mentaly and emotionaly involve yourself in lifes of people closest to you, then you just wasted your time on this earth. It's simply not enough, you shouldn't want to just exist in space.... so as you said - you should work harder!

[@FirstDateFrt]

@@IanUnderwood1974 I'm an asthmatic who lifts shit all day in a fridge. Zero, and I mean zero thanks for doing all the heavy lifting. Past week had a chest infection and a week off, come back - everyone's behind and irritated as fuck. Not even a thumbs up when you're smashing it but it's your fault when they can't cope without you. Woman dominated workplace 🫨

[@kimberleyhosmer5997]

@@FirstDateFrt Maybe it’s time to start teaching some leveraging skills to your coworkers. Team lifting, use of carts, etc?

[@megja1812]

Well think about the women

[@fabriziogallo108]

Thanks Thanks I’m an educator, a youth worker and a social entrepreneur This video gave me a new reason of working and doing Thanks thanks thanks I will share this message with as many people as I can

[@outsidethebox262]

The real problem we have right now: we are downplaying housewives too much due to industrialisation. I just had a conversation with my friend who was complaining how young people do not have the adult mentality. When 2 parents are working, something has to give. The worst thing? The social construct had created a situation where 2 working parents is the norm.

[@thebusinessstrategistbw816]

I would give anything to be a stay at home mother. But society crucifies you for it, because you have to contribute to the household, have your own money, have something to fall back on should anything go horribly wrong. I tried it at 36 and went back to work within 4 years because even my husband expected me to go back to work.

[@thenonexistinghero]

I don't think you can bring that argument to him. He's probably of the opinion that women should work 40+ hours and just leave children in the daycare.

[@Bella34544]

Question why automatically housewife, why not house parent or both parents working part-time and sharing parenting. I think the backlash to the one parent staying home is often there's an assumption that it will automatically be the mother even if she's earning a bigger income than the other parent which is crazy...also by defaulting to it's always the mother excluding breast feeding (which obviously can only be done by mum) what you're saying is that men are not as good at parenting as woman which is not true.

[@thenonexistinghero]

@@Bella34544 It seems like you don't understand much about psychology at all. Fathers cannot be mothers. Mothers cannot be fathers. And for the first year or few years of a child's life, a mother's near-constant presence is extremely important. There's also more and more research popping up that showcases that this really is the case as well. It's not a coincidence that man people these days have such a hard time bonding with others. It's because they haven't gotten the experience as a child. Some will still manage, but many will not.

[@sophiab.282]

Theres too high a risk for women to be stay at home mothers/housewives. Theres too many cases where the husband ends up leaving her and she has to rely on her family to get by because she gave up any sort of education/work related progress. Not just that but the work force actively discriminates against anyone that hasnt been in the work force in a while. Now imagine being pregnant, with two kids and no husband around... Yeah, not easy. there is little to no support for women like this, meanwhile men just jump from one woman to another without a care for hurting the ones that matter most. Men need to step up, join modern times, and stop wishing for something that only exists in the past.

[@Bikerman2022]

LOL! I'm retired, divorced and my children live a long way away. When I retired I bought a new motorcycle, I started getting out to more techno gigs as I had the time. If I have the time I do a little writing and keep fit working outside brush cutting etc, building rock walls on my property or just sitting under a tree listening to the birds.. I don't need people but I enjoy the faces I meet. Geez people learn to love yourself first. Life is truly grand

[@Totsy30]

I think that's one of the greatest issues with people these days. So many people are absolutely reliant on other's approval. Once you find things that YOU truly enjoy for yourself, it takes a huge load off mentally.

[@prosperenfantinylosgeograf2721]

I think it's very USA mentality to think that being retired could be bad for the tribe. Specially with the extremely unequal wealth distribution they have and non-solidary pension system, it's really crazy they would think that.

[@jenkins5265]

I don’t understand why it’s so hard to have conversations where in a relationship, you just help where help is needed. No gender roles, just doing what needs to be done, regardless of gender. That’s how I’ve always seen things done in successful relationships. No gender roles, just people getting things done and helping where needed.

[@andreacordonier9257]

Love this.

[@dream0froses]

Me either! It’s sadly hard to find others like this.

[@Silvermoonscorpion]

That's our house hold. Everyone pitches on. Myself, hubby and kids.

[@lethabomalatjiot]

Simple!

[@dessanguyen]

This is how it's always been in my household. I was never raised with the divisive identity political narratives that are overtaking media and public life of present. It was always who needs help with what, get it done and switch. We still operate this way, although I do notice the younger generations in our family bringing up masculine/feminine roles. Bullocks really. Think in terms of energy (yin and yang) and recognize they can and do exist in different individuals, regardless of biology

[@sarayusarayu832]

One of the best conversations I’ve EVER heard in my life! Thank you, it’s so refreshing!

[@Marksman3434]

The main problem I feel that has been driven into the minds of men for forever, and now more recently into women, is that we are considered failures if we aren't fully independent by adulthood, which is absolutely stupid because we as humans are social creatures, not solitary creatures. We need dependence on others for a myriad of aspects, be it for emotional support, or stimulating conversations, economically, taking care of our offspring, social life, etc., and fulfillment in these aspects don't necessarily have to come just from a romantic/life partner, or immediate family. It can also be fulfilled from friends, or even just coworkers, or acquaintances with common hobbies, etc. Loneliness is something that we were never meant to be in. And it sucks that this lone-wolf mentality has been pushed so hard on everybody, especially young men.

[@ashleykathryn9038]

You can be independent and still have a community and be a part of it. Failure to launch is the new normal.

[@hannah60000]

It’s also not historically how the world has been for the majority of human history, even today!

[@eac-guy7272]

Unfortunately "the lone wolf" mentality is what males call the "sigma male" which imo is alpha ,beta nonsense How many times has it be shown that that mentality was about animals in captivity

[@SuzannePoschet]

👍🏻

[@ariston5433]

My husband and I have been married 52 years. We never had children which was unusually for my generation. We both worked all our lives at jobs that were not high paying we have similar family backgrounds as well as the same education level. We kind of settled into jobs that we were each good at we learned to work as a team. We were equally yoked. But sometimes I was frustrated because I had to work most of our married life and he was frustrated because he knew he did not have a high salary. We were each kind of “ forced “ into doing something’s” that the traditional roles of my parents generation took for granted. It is difficult for both sides today. But to try to turn women into men and men into women is totally wrong. My husband is bigger stronger and better at certain things and I am better at other things than he is. That’s just the way it is. I do not and would not want to date or marry a man who acts or try’s to become a woman and most normal most like do not want to date or marry a woman who wants to be a man.

[@ReggieChandler.]

For a long time I felt alone, even with family checking in every now and then. Sharing how I was feeling would make me feel vulnerable and so I would hide it, pretend I was all good. Now reflecting on those times I can see how much I took away from myself, it truly is a self destructive path. I have a long way to go, but fortunately I have made it through the other side, now my focus is on building and living a life I love and being the best dad I can be for my daughter. Conversations like this are incredibly important. For those of you that feel lost, being vulnerable with the right person/people is scary, but most importantly freeing and empowering, you are not alone.

[@Purposes8]

Thank you. Much needed environment. Blessings of peace

[@dream0froses]

I’m glad you’re doing well! It’s good to see men who enjoy fatherhood.

[@sydneyharbour-bridges8090]

So true. Being vulnerable and asking for help can sometimes save one’s life.

[@ochacal7794]

It's not about being needed, its about being APPRECIATED

[@lopetonceba1059]

If you needed that means you appreciated in the context he talks about.

[@ochacal7794]

@lopetonceba1059 not really, you can need someone and do show the appreciation for what he did for you

[@ochacal7794]

@@lopetonceba1059 majority of people don't appreciate the work of teachers, the police, the firefighters... but we need them

[@yossarian67]

@@lopetonceba1059nah, jobs can need us but we don’t always feel appreciated. Same can be said for how men are expected to take initiative in asking women out but definitely face a ton of rejection. Unless you’re in the top 5% of men (height, looks, money, influence) you likely never receive a message on a dating app where women are receiving multiple messages per day. That feels like universal rejection. We all need appreciation, not merely being needed to pick up the heavy things or fix the plumbing.

[@lightningbug276]

What’s wrong with being needed?

[@PilotHardy]

Wow. This episode was riveting. Because of media, social & otherwise, my attention span is nonexistent. I can’t watch a movie without scrolling through my phone. I just sat for 2 hours watching this without touching my phone. Brilliant & very important message. 💞

[@pavlinx]

I am female and I always open door for people , male and female. It is sign of respect, I am aware of some one who is behind me. I see it all the time men not doing it. In my opinion they simply don't care.

[@bluestripes6037]

Same. It's also just door science. Why would you hit someone with a door or need to open it twice?

[@figurefour633]

That’s a man’s job! lol you taking my job.

[@grantbishop1961]

Never in my 60 years on this prison planet have I ever seen a female open a door for a male in America.

[@figurefour633]

@@grantbishop1961 Agreed

[@zvezdoblyat]

​@@grantbishop1961wow, really? People around me do it all the time. Men open doors for men, women open doors for women, men open doors for women, women open doors for men. It's just courtesy.

[@kevinsmith8799]

So good. Eloquent. Said all of proper things in the best way. Stimulating conversation that broke the communication barrier between my partner and I. I told my little brother (who is currently going through a nasty split) he is loved and needed. I held him tight as he cried in my arms. What every man needs to hear. Highly recommend watching/ reading Mr. Reeves. Thank You.

[@foxthefox183]

I'm a daughter to a father and a sister to a brother as well as being a mother.. our boys are so important, this interview was excellent ❤

[@teresamagnusson]

They really don't need all this coddling.

[@tiktokfamous3446]

Stop catering and coddling men

[@marytataryn5144]

These sorts of podcasts should be broadcast in the middle of every city on the earth instead of those insipid commercials for false eyelashes. Everything you said is so sensible and powerful. "We need you. You are precious."

[@erinhappy-go-lucky5040]

At 1:30( A close guesstimate in your podcast), your guest mentions that men prefer conversations side to side. I too prefer side to side conversations. The only reason that I can think of is that there is less pressure or overstimulation. I used to be a huge fan of eye contact, because I was taught that it shows respect and confidence. As I have gotten older, I’ve come to prefer side to side. A teacher that I used to work with(I work in Special Education, with students who need extra help with social and emotional learning.), introduced me to side to side communication. It made it easier to communicate with my peers(I am working on overcoming social anxiety.). I have no problem giving eye contact to kids and connect with them well.

[@AndrewTheFrank]

i'm guessing the reason why women like face to face, generally speaking, is to see the other person's face. it helps to inform what feeling you should feel but also read their face on if they are telling the truth of BSing. That is to help with social games and maneuvering. Us guys we tend not to engage with such things, but rather the only reason you'd look someone in the eye is to assert dominance. That is the big reason two men would do so is if a fight was about to happen. Someone is about to get hurt. So there is a natural sense of challenge to it. Most of the time when talking to other men this is not our intent. Also, much of the time when us guys talk its either to communicate what we are doing or to take our minds off what we are doing. Most masculine tasks aren't things where you can quietly sit face to face and chat while doing. There are other theories to this which likely tie into the up above stuff and i've heard it from interrogation experts. Sitting across from each other is more adversarial. It is more of what you would do when wanting to pick a fight. More for when lying, bullying, dominance, and other such social games or manipulation. Sitting side by side is more cooperative and friendly. And so depending on how an interrogator wants to approach a witness, or suspect, they will either sit across from or adjacent to the person so as to help crack them open. plus i think there are more romantic scenes in movies where the couple is sitting side by side as opposed to face to face.

[@zergslayer69]

Simon sinek's episode also mentioned about preferring being next to someone when talking instead of facing them, or something along those lines

[@tabascofaith]

This is also a good way to have an important conversation with teenagers of any gender. Side by side in a vehicle, or doing a side by side task. It allows for a deeper topics to be addressed and the ability for the hearer to process while not being starred at.

[@wesleyhediger2818]

My grandmother told me, “ the difference between a boy and a man is that a man has something in his life that is more important than himself.” The male mental health crises and its antidote seems to support this idea. It also supports emotional maturity and growing beyond self awareness to transcend the self… it’s interesting how interconnected it all is.

[@Hatunrumioc]

You should read Ether Villars book the manipulated man. How convenient is it for society when it says that a real man serves others... especially women. How convenient. "Most men need to be enslaved by something"

[@Yggdrasill8]

Usually having their own family or even a relationship would trigger this thought pattern of placing importance over themselves, which makes men take more responsibility, sacrifice, working towards a secure future. A lot of men are not getting this, so all they care about is themselves. There is a few outliers where the guy finds a passion he would put all his effort into like a career path, but that same guy won't sacrifice himself for that career as much as he would for his own child whom he loves. Would you die for your career if it meant the companies continues to live, or would you die for your child if it meant your child gets to live.

[@berin732]

Yeah. Same for women too and yet many of them prioritize themselves.

[@nocturnaljoe9543]

@@berin732 Topic: Men. You: How can I make this about women? 🤣

[@lovepeoplehu9883]

Well. Thank Feminism for destroying the family unit, enjoy the empowerment while you can. Its all crumbling now. This world built by men.

[@AnnieP-wt6ep]

So why have women had to join the workforce? Breadwinners who bail on them, breadwinners who abuse them? The family needing more resources, as living costs rise and salaries don't? All of the above. Who dictates the script for these modern economies? Elitists. The ratio between profits of CEOs and employees are completely out of balance. Perhaps the root of the problem should be addressed. Why don't these governments, who are supposed to have safety nets for people, recruit them to fill gaps to service society? Who are in charge of these governments? They always complain about having employment shortages, in medical, financial & technology fields, but they don't invest in people, by helping to develop skills... no, funding wars are more important. The potential of human life is not recognized by elitists. This is the biggest problem in society.

[@recoveringsoul755]

The elites wanted our children So they lowered pay for men, forcing women into the workforce. So that public schools could brainwash our kids. It's a long term plan

[@Xianne027]

@@AnnieP-wt6ep 👏👏👏

[@jeremymullens7167]

I’d say lots of it was technological. Washing machine and frozen foods made house work cheaper. I can see that women used to be trapped in marriage. However, now if they want to be a stay at home mother it’s just as difficult as it used to be to be an independent woman.

[@recoveringsoul755]

@@jeremymullens7167 my grandmother was born in 1905. She showed us how to make pasta on her manual hand crank pasta machine. We had a manual hand crank meat grinder. When she passed away I ended up with her old cookbooks. One of them had a recipe for doing laundry. Complete with starting a big fire in the yard under the barrel of water. Of course using handmade soap and washboards. Other recipes were for possum and frog legs. The frog one mostly was about how to catch the frogs.

[@richp858]

@@recoveringsoul755 Cleopatra was born in the 1st century BC. Women have been independent since Eve. It's nothing new. I can't imagine how many women were like your grandmother around the times of the Great Depression, imagine... and that's a compliment. My mother's Haitian, migrated from Haiti in the 70s with a family of alot lol. I've always been a fan of women.

[@paulatk44]

A very fascinating video, this brings back painful memories which i have been enduring. My relationship of 5 years ended 3 months ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.

[@JohnWicked-fx3cs]

Parting ways with someone you deeply cherish is an agonizing experience. I understand firsthand, having encountered a parallel situation at the end of my 6-year relationship. Driven by an unyielding determination, I explored every avenue to salvage our bond. Seeking guidance from a spiritual counselor proved pivotal , as their intervention played a crucial role in rekindling our love .

[@paulatk44]

That's fascinating! How did you come across a spiritual counselor, and what's the best way for me to contact her?

[@JohnWicked-fx3cs]

Meet Suzanne Ann Walters, an outstanding spiritual counselor with the power to restore your relationship with your ex.

[@JohnWicked-fx3cs]

I appreciate this invaluable information; I've just searched for her online. Quite impressive!

[@joyschlomer6866]

Of course, this is normal grieving. Happens to best of us. I still pine someone from 30 years ago. You move on and may not get that but you get a different kind of good again. Sorry , you're not that special. This is being human

[@silverme5880]

I have been taking classes at community college for a couple years. There is a large population of men 18 to 30 there. When they talk about work, school, or their personal lives, they often say they do not want to be accountable or or they do not want any expectations of them. To be needed, men have to be accountable and meet basic expectations as an employee or a partner.

[@Lynn.B.]

Right. Based on everything I hear them saying on social media, they most emphatically don't want to be needed by women, or even children, for ANYTHING.

[@mmEtheric]

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼🎯🎯🎯

[@BlkOnyx0508]

Correct

[@EDUTOLEAD]

What an amazing topic! As a woman leadership coach raising 2 boys I highly appreciate this conversation. We need men to allow themselves to feel and yet embrace their masculinity.

[@josecuervo8487]

Hahahahahahaha. Which gender is the one that complains about toxic masculinity? Which gender is the one that says they don't need no man? Society has and will continue to vilify men for trying to be masculine. The biggest gender issue in society is broken wahmen. Men are not good enough for wahmen be financially, physically, emotionally, "intellectually, or sexually. Wahmen live in delulu island, competing for the same top 15% of men. They have no problems sharing that men as long as he can provide financially.

[@peachesandpoets]

The issue is that it is men who created the environment where they can't talk to one another about their feelings, etc. THEY need to change it. Women have little to do with this.

[@mgu1N1n1]

Oh yeah? Well, you and fellow feminists have done a hell of a lot culturally to push men down and elevate the "empowered female" myth at the expense of men.

[@kikinwilson9743]

Men feel just fine it is important to be able to control those feelings though. It's something that most men are just biological better at then women. Don't try to turn your boys into girls. It will not serve them well in life

[@mgu1N1n1]

@@kikinwilson9743 it's not that boys are being turned into women it's that the inherent male characteristics and maleness is being derided and shamed.

[@chriscook9433]

Gentlemen. I like this points. but I must simply suggest, make 2 friends - male. Good ones. Support each other, unconditionally. and be brutally fucking honest. Have their back, even when they fuck up and be their to improve. My 2 friends of 12 years have been the greatest thing to ever happen to me. Supported me and my wife, we saved one marriage from sabotage and divorce, we're helping another with his first kid. It guys you want just turn the macho off, set the goals, don't mince words, and get to work.

[@ariafalse5113]

My partner has friends like that and it is amazing. I can not imagine what he would be like without his friends - all I can do is thank them and let my partner to be there for them.

[@Ihustleha]

Much easier said than done.

[@Michael-iw3ek]

So how do you "make" 2 male friends? Meet them in the toilet as they are refreshing their makeup? It's kinda like saying if you are starving - just get some food. If you are homeless - just get a home.

[@ThatsNotGaming]

Instead turn to God and Jesus who will never disappoint, fail you, abandon you, or leave you. Seek and put your faith in them! The best thing you can have in this life is a personal relationship with God and Jesus.

[@ligabertmane9013]

@@Michael-iw3ek woman usually do not meat friends by refreshing makeup in the toilet. You have to go places where people share common interests and interact. I met my best friends at work, non profit organisation, volleyball. And nowadays there are men only support groups, look that up.

[@michelleadams1078]

I’m sharing this with all the men in my life! This is such a good discussion that is tremendously valuable today for men and women.

[@jesswitmer6389]

This was a good talk. I question his theory though. Many young men have no desire to become husbands and fathers. A lot of them don't even want serious relationships. Society can't give you a purpose if you don't want any responsibility or commitments to people.

[@litjellyfish]

It’s an egg and hen situation I guess. It’s like you know depressed people have no motivation and without motivation you don’t do stuff. And if you don’t do stuff you get depressed. I agree that being father is not always the answer. But it’s to find situations that balance commitment with passion and engagement where the men are both leading and in control of the situation and also be used to accept situations controlled by others that they initially not would go for themself

[@all9472]

​@@litjellyfishstoicism and martial arts habw always been a sure fire way to fix things look at the shaolin monks celebit but are happy and strong u don't need a women there's different types of love epicurus teaches how friendship true pure friendship is the best love and u can only Foster that type of friendship through hard work and suffering together and martial arts a realy good way to do so mountain climbing also good anything hard to do physical and mentally

[@litjellyfish]

@@all9472 exactly. Then again if you want a woman that is normal and great. Just don’t hang up yourself on it. And about purpose all that gets dopamine flowing is great. You don’t need to be a monk to do material arts. Sometimes a walk and a bit of mindful thinking is great. Problem is that many boys and girls in this time are not even exposed to that sadly

[@litjellyfish]

@@all9472 also you bring up a VERY impersonation point. You don’t need a woman for all interactions. Heck even you should not have all types with a woman. Why. Becuase it’s seldom possible. And same goes for the woman. A relationship with yourself. Relationship with a partner Relationship with male friends. Relationships with elders. And sometimes it’s also good to have relationships with children And in today’s “modern” world I would add that a platonic (this is the hard part) relationship with a female friend can be good. And none of those relationship should really need to be tied to the other types but stand alone. With as you mentioned the relationship with oneself Pure personally the only relationship I don’t avocado for is the one with a god. If it works for people fine. Everyone needs sometimes to believe in something. I just don’t see that as mandatory. If that is a way to have your relationship with yourself so be it but I think one is perfectly fine with that without any religion. Then there is great values that many religions have. But those values can be taken anyway without a belief of afterlife or a deity That said I am talking about religion. Being spiritual is for me very different thing

[@OptimalToast]

I think you'll find many young adult men saying the same of women with regards to becoming a wife and mother. Both can be right, I think neither men and women have much interest in it.

[@jamelquron8750]

Richard Reeves gives the best breakdown on the term “toxic masculinity” being an ‘empty set’ with the alternative terms we should use: “mature masculinity” and “immature masculinity”. I agree.

[@leandrawomack9029]

100%!

[@ooulalah4333]

You can add "toxic" to describe anything. A term need not make or break anyone. Obviously toxic masculinity describes male aspects that go to an unhealthy point..like protectiveness turning to dominance. I'd think toxic femininity would mean women who use sex or attraction to prey on men. That makes sense and doesn't bother me as a term since it makes a rational point.

[@TheXtrafresh]

water is also toxic in too high a dose. Toxic basically means overdose, which in the context of masculinity is pretty apt.

[@BennyMcGibbon]

Toxic masculinity is basically a derogatory term for the man who belongs and wishes to belong to his tribe. Customs and culture inherit. This postmodern experience is harmful because they are taking men out of their tribe, out of their pack their community. Shoving them into this multi cultural experiment. After tens of thousands of years in their tribes??? Are you insane?!

[@vicc19]

No need to water down. Some behaviors are just immature, sure. But some others are plainly TOXIC and dangerous and should be described as such.

[@SC-sh6ux]

1:42:55 Avoidant men: thank you for bringing this topic up! I’m so heartbroken by seeing men avoid conflict only to have to pay with failed relationships and failed businesses. May our men be healed from this so they may live the wonderful assertive lives they deserve. ❤

[@Burrburrcloud]

Men need to be more balanced and solve conflict in healthy ways. There are times to be assertive and times to be less so...balance!

[@robertdulany6811]

The poster was discussing avoidant men, and you replied with a generalization about all men. I am not arguing against the point of being balanced, I am saying the way you word yourself is offensive to a gender.

[@KimWest-hv4tv]

​@@robertdulany6811 it's not offensive when it's true

[@Jamhael1]

@@SC-sh6ux problem: the balance woman wants is not what men perceive as balance - you are demanding that men act like woman, and psychologically speaking, that is what is causing men to fail, for our brains are just different. Sorry, but it is just Nature - its not saying that "woman bad, men good", but a simple acceptance of our distinctive diferences.

[@BP-of5cp]

​@@KimWest-hv4tv I'm a woman and it is offensive if it's a generalisation and certainly not true. I'm no expert in men, as I have dated women for the last 20 years and I'm in a long term relationship now. However I have a very large family with many wonderful men, uncles and cousins. They were raised a certain way. I only had a 1st and last boyfriend many years ago and he was an incredibly wonderful soul. Although I realised then I wasn't attracted to men I can 100% say my only experience of a man in a relay was respectful, kind, hard worker and open to talk about anything and open to listen to anything. We're still good friends now and he found a beautiful and wonderful wife for himself. Maybe you need to surround yourself with the right people. That's on you dear.

[@TheCebulon]

This was an incredible good conversation. It just scratched on the surface of all the thinhs and struggles you talked about. Could easily be 10 hours to go more in depth into a lot of topics. PLEASE do a follow up (series).

[@mortviolette284]

Here’s something that often gets totally misrepresented in these conversations. People SO OFTEN say that men used to be expected to be the providers while women stayed home. Through most of human history, men and women had to “work” and provide for themselves and their families. It was only for a tiny period of time that men did most of the providing. That’s NOT the norm, yet we treat it like it is. Even when we look at media’s portrayal of centuries past, we see women as being taken care of be men, but that was for a fraction of the world population - specific to a time, place, and class. We really need to remove this piece of the narrative that’s simply narrow and, frankly, inaccurate.

[@AndrewTheFrank]

yep. preach girl. its only for the wealthy that women didn't work and its only for a decade or two, where the middle class could live pseudo rich, that women largely didn't need to work. It was also at a time just after a war when most the labor force had died so workers could demand more pay. and in history past if women weren't working the fields with men they were cooking and cleaning all day. they didn't have dryers and pre packaged meals. when making food from scratch its an all day process. washing cloths by hand is long and laborious. So even if a woman didn't have to work a job for cash (such as be a rich man's maid, or some labor job) she still was doing some kind of labor all day. All of these things women did, if not money savers, were necessary for survival. Its not like they were unimportant.

[@TheGismono]

I mostly Agree, everybody had to work in the past, It was just more common that men's work was outside the home (anything from building/miner/farming/woodcutter and so on) where women did the household (preseving food/preparing food/washing/cleaning/caring for the young kids) work at home. Even the kids needed to work or assist from a very young age (and was partly why people had so many children). I know my grandfather started helping his dad in construcktion at the age of 7 in 1920 or there about.

[@michelejowilson3900]

100% Women have always had to do important work providing for their families and communities. It seems through history that the more structured a society became, the more rigidly defined were the roles that women could undertake, stripping them of their agency.

[@BigBoomOfDoom2]

@@michelejowilson3900 "100% Women have always had to do important work providing for their families and communities. It seems through history that the more structured a society became, the more rigidly defined were the roles that women could undertake, stripping them of their agency." No. It was explicitly the industrial revolution that created the change to women working. This displaced women from the workforce, and it was a while before the available labour was within women's physical capability. Within that time, the new reality gave birth to corresponding social norms, which took a while to shake back off again. It wasn't about the level of structure, it was the forcing of labour into an industrialised economy, and everything that that involves.

[@SoccerinMN]

Great point, at the turn of the 19th century many if not all women worked. Look at WW 1 videos in England, women worked constantly. From what I noticed men did a lot of cooking in that era too, but I think it was simpler times when expectations of keeping up with the Jones and keeping the house clean and laundry 24/7 were not top of mind. Men (and women) had an outlet with the community, sports, church etc

[@IExpectedBSJustNotThisMuchBS]

My ex thought he was a feminist, but he was aggressive and used anger and passive aggressive behavior to try to shape my behavior. (Really, it just seemed like he needed someone to pin his life frustrations on.) He wanted power over. As I tried to explain to him, I wanted power with. I want to dominate no one and I don't want to be dominated. I want to work with someone -- be on the same team.

[@CMA418]

A society full of angry, hormonal young men who believe they are under attack has never led to positive outcomes.

[@robbytheartist3997]

Every team needs a captain!! 😂😂😂😂

[@Emptytopfloor]

@@robbytheartist3997 captain aka leaders provide service to everyone keeping himself for the last. He doesn’t get aggressive or dominating.

[@robbytheartist3997]

@@Emptytopfloor yes sir!!!!

[@jeremymullens7167]

What you described is not the male ideal now or historically. Especially the being passive aggressive part. That’s female behavior(not good ones) a man should direct. And submission is done willingly through trust and a shared vision and goal. Never through aggression and violence. On the submission thing, I believe every relationship is different. But a man having direction and leading is always a plus. And a woman should always be honored and respected. A woman should always feel valued. Anger can be masculine but it’s against the stoic ideal if expressed at the wrong time.

[@smpolaske]

My bestfriend took his own life a few months ago. Thank you for this video. It's been something I have been thinking about for a long time.

[@omarcristaldo7103]

Sad to hear about your friend, hung on there… you matter, and you are a valuable person

[@AMonteiro4]

I'm so sorry for your loss. ❤ I hope you are grieving in the best way you can.

[@donje31]

@@AMonteiro4you are so beautiful

[@DopamineDecor]

❤😢❤

[@AMonteiro4]

@donje31 Thank you 🙂

[@emmamorrison8518]

This is such an important discussion. The solution isn't to turn back the clock on women's progress but to look at the role of men going forwards in a positive way. To accept and respect the differences between men and women and make them work for us all. I have sons and want to raise them to live their best lives and need to know how to help them do that.

[@Tealzeal]

Why do we need to be “needed” rather than “wanted/chosen”? I don’t like being “needed” because it feels like being used/trapped. There is something empowering about feeling “wanted/chosen” without being “needed” that I wish they’d explored more. I want to always "choose" my partner and for my partner to "choose" me every day out of our mutual love and respect for each other. And agree that if that ever goes away, we will discuss it together and assess whether this relationship is still fulfilling/worth continuing together.

[@Jamhael1]

If you do not need something, why would you want that same something?

[@Whitepilledprincess]

Needed is about personal fulfillment and purpose. Wanted is about ego. Want without need is fleeting and useless.

[@UnlistedAccount]

Because what people want changes every day and raising a child takes 18 years. I wish women would take that serious instead of focusing on whether or not they want to party. Modern women suffer peter pan syndrome.

[@Jamhael1]

@@Whitepilledprincess perfect explanation.

[@neurodeviant]

Needs equals dependency. If you can gate keep a persons access to meeting their own needs it's a powerful form of control and leaves them helpless. In my experiences people who are needing to install themselves in a position to meet your needs are trying to covertly control you as a means to meet their own interests. I want my autonomy. It's much more powerful to be wanted by someone who can walk away from you at anytime but doesn't because they recognise your worth.

[@jmfvideos4all]

I listened to this podcast and found myself nodding my head in agreement so many times as this is an issue that I've been concerned about for years. So, first of all thanks to both if you for this. One thing I feel was not stressed enough is that men and boys need to consider their habit of competing against each other, putting each other down even when it's meant as a joke. This has (in my opinion) a big impact on how men feel about themselves, always comparing. When they're in trouble or struggling they don't easily ask for help as they feel their friends will see it was a weakness. I've even witnessed boys mocking each other for needing help. It must be so difficult when they're feeling vulnerable.

[@Artbynbru]

And they try to insult each other by telling each other that they are acting like women. I’ve always thought as a kid, what’s so bad about being a girl? “You throw like a girl”… I feel like that in itself builds up this hatred or feeling of superiority over women.

[@ieronymos9265]

@@Artbynbru In other words, “toxic masculinity?”

[@ijon-javonholmes1272]

I respect your opinion and if you are a guy, then I respectfully suggest you find friends willing to accommodate you in that manner ( of which there are many). But for my self , and many other guys those expressions of insults are a recognized form of familiarity. In the same way women will refer to each other as “bitches” in non-derogatory ways it’s the same for men. My ability to insult you without your getting offended is directly proportional to the depth of our friendship as we are both aware I mean it without any bad will. These insults also allow for free dialogue of which we can display our differential or discerning opinions with one another without worry of offense. Should any word or phrase cause any real harm, most guys simply set a boundary of displaying the dissatisfaction with that word or topic. After one more joke or comment it’s is usually dropped and never brought back up, unless in an earnest question.

[@Artbynbru]

@@ijon-javonholmes1272 I’m a woman but as a child it made me feel like being a girl was a bad thing. It was in movies, kids at school, and just society etc. I grew up in the 80s and 90s, it’s a different time now. Maybe your comment wasn’t meant for me, but other little girls see this behavior growing up. It affects everyone

[@anroy7509]

​@@Artbynbru Yes and I think the word "sissi" in american vidéos when men are teasing each other is also refering to something "female" like. We hear "bitch" all the time too. Poor female dogs. What did they do to get used as an insult... In american culture (and english speaking canadian one too) they tease themselves so much. Almost to a mean level. I would not like to be in such a peer/friends/colleague' s group!

[@ctrodriguez111ent]

The most important thing society needs is for people to say good things to each other. Whenever i’ve been genuinely kind and thoughtful of somebody, my relationships usually always go well with other people. Why? Idk. But carl g jung said it a long time ago. This society runs on ego, and when people notice you being genuine and nice cuz you actually want to, with no bad intentions. Too many strangers in the streets, too many this that. We forget that we’re here. Right now. And that’s something worth appreciating.

[@connificentwatts86]

🗣🤝🏿💯💯💯

[@MarianClark-lf9lu]

Ryan WOULD ❤

[@nadinetchaho2618]

💯 Real happiness derives from the the fruit of the Spirit which is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

[@citytrees1752]

no, virtue signalling is not helpful, do good things, not say good things

[@coolbreeze5683]

That's also the foundation of Buddhist principles

[@ThatsValForYa]

this was an incredible interview/ video, extremely extremely insightful, please don't quit this, the world needs the both of u!!

[@tomd5178]

I'm a 78 year old male just sitting here crying thru much of this. Have lost so much over the last couple of years all of which has led to some horrible loneliness. My late wife as well as my later girl friend provided my social network. Now like many men I'm on my own and as has been discussed not doing well with building my own. In fact, failing. A very hard time. And wow, are those evenings hard

[@genie2933]

❤❤❤

[@rozallen3897]

@@tomd5178 Try visiting your local Senior Center. They have activities and lots of things to do. Don't give up Tom! Btw...sorry for your losses.

[@user-kp3rc4eq8x]

​@ThePonyd You looking for a daddy lol

[@XwwXr]

78 years, crying? Oh boy

[@lizreid1468]

Loneliness can be so bad :( I hope that it passes for you and that you can find lots of good connections again. I hope that there are some lovely neighbours, people near you that are also looking for connection as well. My Dad is on his own after my mum died and he is a similar age to you. Sending love.

[@claireg2888]

As a woman who prides herself on being extremely pro female empowerment (and at times very flippant about the needs of men and boys) I just wanted to say this was an EXTREMELY valuable and intelligent conversation around the needs of society value for men and boys. It’s really made me reconsider the language I might use and how empathic I could be to hearing challenges raised by men where I might have simply brushed over it. Sometimes we forget, but a rising tide lifts all vessels ❤ Thank you!

[@ElUnicoPapiNegrito]

Good for you. Planet earth is hard for everyone. We should all be more empathetic

[@Chris-es3wf]

Good on you for noticing that you may be a midandrist, but sounds like you've got a lot of toxic femininity to purge.

[@DJYAMIN107]

Women like you are part of the problem lol

[@HorizonMediaGaming]

While I believe it’s your right to feel ambivalent towards the needs of men and boys I’m glad you atleast admit this is how you feel. I wish more people would just admit they don’t care about the needs of the opposite gender instead of pretend they do.

[@ZverseZ]

It's not a societal issue it's more scientific if you look into it More about record low testosterone causing depression, lack of motivation, low self esteem, among other things. Men are also experiencing increased estrogen during birth and puberty which is not really normal. It's thought to be caused by microplastics blocking testosterone, and also hormone altering chemicals found in modern day food. There's also lack of community in many places, but I feel like that's simply the byproduct of the aforementioned, capitalism, or I guess the way American cities are structured, versus how walkable cities are

[@alieninthecaribbean]

I always hold the door open for anyone, male, female, old, young, ugly, attractive, abled, disabled. It is just common courtesy. I never knew it was supposed to be some big heroic, chivalrous thing done for attractive women only.

[@BeachandHills-hb2pq]

Never had to listern to a femenist get angry for holding a door? Lucky. They are antisocal and spread division.

[@JBSRCS]

I’m only 35 minutes in but I am loving this conversation! I have four sons and I am far more concerned about their challenges than I am about my one daughter.

[@KA-ux9qb]

Holding the door is an act of kindness and thoughtfulness. Letting a person know they are seen. It definitely impresses me when a man holds the door for me.

[@cleatuslopez9411]

It doesn't matter who you are, If you are carrying a baby or your hands are full, I would certainly hold the door. Else... Naaah...

[@joannebottcher9779]

Love respect being offered by men to women and by women towards men. It is often expressed differently.

[@lookaroundyou8108]

@@KA-ux9qb please don't be too impressed, some men are doing it just to get you, they now know that it's a way to get women, especially when their character is not very impressive.. am not saying hate the guy.. but seriously don't fall for him JUST because he opens the door.. speaking from experience

[@BeepBoop-z2v]

I'm not impressed because it's just a decent thing to do man or woman

[@WrottJackson]

What does this have to do with anything?

[@Real_MisterSir]

I think a major issue is that people in general have traditionally been married to the idea of finding someone to be with, rather than the idea of finding someone they want to be with. The idea of being with a person is deemed more important than the person themselves. The entire root of being with someone, is basically saying "I think we can get more out of life together, than apart", and two people agreeing on that statement about each other, will be happy together. But it has to start with the person themselves, rather than the generic idea of being with someone in general, because at that point you're just looking for "anyone" to fill an arbitrary hole in your own sense of self fulfillment.

[@AndrewTheFrank]

yeah, i think part of it which is partly why there are so many situationships. They don't really like each other, and so never fully commit, but its better than being alone. But I think its also partly because of bad communication. Because neither is willing to be alone they are not willing to set boundaries out of fear of scaring the other person off. So a guy engaging in such behavior will eventually come off as having no spine. I for a while have had the feeling that part of the problem with relationships is that people are married to this idea that the relationship ends at marriage. That is they put in effort when dating but stop once married. Traditionally pre marriage stuff was mostly to test if you could even stand the person. If you went through with it marriage was the start of the relationship and both parties generally understood this was something they were expected to work on into eternity.

[@Real_MisterSir]

@@AndrewTheFrank That's honestly part of why I'm a bit against marriage. I mean, not the idea of commitment to each other, nor the idea of marriage from a practical and legal point of view -but rather the fact that it somehow should signify a change that realistically shouldn't even be there? If you love someone enough to marry them, then the marriage part itself should be irrelevant because you already love them that much and are committed enough as is. So why try to force a change in the relation by inserting some "relationship promotion" to marriage status. It just seems very weird and dated as a general concept. I'd much rather consider general commitment in a relationship without any promotional name to it, other than it being a relationship. It's a constant process of seeing if you can build your life together, and this doesn't stop just because you get married. You don't suddenly achieve a level where you have to stop caring about how you build your life together, or evaluate your level of commitment. Deep down emotions and wants will not care what you call yourselves. Eventually they will surface regardless, so better do it on honest terms instead of pretending that calling yourselves married is now some safety blanket that lets you take it easy and neglect some of the things you were more committed to prior to being married. Marriage isn't some checkpoint you reach where you're now safe from acting on undesired emotions. I mean.. I don't hold something major against marriage in general, I just think it's a bit of a wasteful concept emotionally speaking, and I can definitely see how many people would fall into a false sense of security because they believe the act of getting married enforces a higher level of commitment which then allows them to slack on some aspects they wouldn't dare do (aka dare face and deal with) prior to being married.

[@Thiago.Caires]

Well said !

[@dkdoodle]

@@C12341 society is also critical of women who are alone but over the last decade or so women have learned to not need to get their validation from men and instead seek it within. Once men can learn to not require the validation of women (or of other men for ‘having’ a woman) they will be better off, and then we can learn to be truly healthily interdependent.

[@Real_MisterSir]

@@dkdoodle it's true, but it may take a lot more effort for men than women, since historically men have always been in less demand and not loved unless they also provide something extra. It has always been easier for average girls to get with a guy, than for average guys to get with a girl, simple emotional supply and demand. So when men in general are less in demand compared to the average girl, it is much harder to overcome that aspect of external validation because intrinsically men are more likely to feel useless, and society is more likely to deem men useless until they "prove their worth" by for example getting with someone. Because getting with someone is proof in most people's eyes, that the guy isn't a lost cause. At least I think that's how many experience it. And that's kind of the whole issue here, when the need for a sense of validation and purpose comes from desperation rather than genuine intrinsic emotions, you're setting yourself up for failure.

[@irenechinoda6050]

A friend of mine lost 2 boys to suicide…thank you for bringing this awareness. I am going to share to help my family and friends and anyone. Thank you so much❤

[@eugeniailies9132]

Beautifully exolained. Full of compassion and self-awareness. Brought me to tears. Thank you.

[@cynthiabrown5468]

One thing I've noticed about young people, not just men, is they are rude and mannerless. I work in post-secondary. People coming in and out of elevators and doors, just push through without looking to see if anyone is coming. They just bulldoze they way in or out. It's the minority who hold the door open. There's a lack of please and thank you. So, I really appreciate that man who holds the door open or waits and let's me go first. I always say thank you to him. I literally have to teach my adult learners how to write properly in a professional environment and use manners.

[@Chris-es3wf]

Ok boomer

[@LCDRformat]

My observation has been quite different. The kindness that old people value is quite different from the kindness young people value. For instance, I've never seen a young person tear into a server for the wrong order. That's an old person dominated field.

[@cynthiabrown5468]

@LCDRformat Well, I have seen young people discuss, not tear into, a server not doing a good job. I have seen young people talk to management about poor service. And, there are nasty people of all ages. My son had a sit down with BMW management about poor service, diagnosing the problem incorrectly, and then discussing how they will rectify the thousands of dollars owed on the bill. I've seen a young diva have fits about the long line for coffee. Huffing and puffing and stomping her feet. Bad manners comes in all ages, not just geriatrics. 😉

[@LCDRformat]

@@cynthiabrown5468 So you started out talking about how young people are rude and mannerless, now suddenly it's all ages?

[@lozaelmer87]

@@Chris-es3wfno it’s not about being a boomer man

[@growingpainspodza]

Oftentimes, the purpose of men is found after much experimentation, trial, and tribulation. I have been through many such experiences in my young life. It is through these trials that I decided to pursue a career in clinical and counselling psychology to help men (both young and old) to navigate life with the necessary skills that only another man can understand fully. I even started a podcast to start a documented journey of this goal - from down in South Africa. This podcast has been an inspiration for me since its inception and I hope to, one day, be able to make an impact in the same ways that you have with "The Diary of a CEO". Continue being great!!!

[@HPB1776]

Fantastic episode. I'm a professional woman and often wish I had a more old fashioned, traditional life but I'd be scared to made to feel like I wasn't worth as much as my husband and that I wasnt contributing enough if that was the case. As a mother of a teenage son thank you so much for this. We need to look out for our boys.

[@keddycameron2723]

As a woman I loved this pod, men are absolutely needed even if that doesnt look like what it did 50 years ago. I pray all the men get the support they need ❤❤❤

[@AC-id5ow]

Ultimately we’re all slaves to the same master. Continuous economic growth at all costs with rising inequality.

[@connificentwatts86]

🎯🤝🏿💯💯💯

[@big_red_machine3547]

Yes and 99% of men are at the butt end of that story today

[@Shakor77]

Yes. Slavery has not gone away, it has merely changed its form. It used to be driven by force and violence and now it is driven by the lie that we are "free". Which we are not because you need a job and income to survive and those jobs are working 8 hours per day, 300 days per year, until you are old and broken down. All to serve the people at the top who enrich themselves on whatever corporate slavery job you do.

[@JC-ls4eu]

Based

[@tone3560]

inequality drives innovation, change and the struggle to regulate yourself in an everchanging world. This is positive. If there was true equality and stagnation, then there would be no change and a loss of purpose and meaning to do anything because complacency would be inevitable given the human psyche is biased towards this.

[@gerbrandvisser]

You mention the issue of men who are no longer needed after retirement. According to my experience a lot of men become sick in the first years after retirement. They get a heart attack, develop backpains, diabetes, CVA, etc. etc. I developed terrible itches, not life-threatening obviously, but very annoying and received some cortisone treatments to alleviate the sympoms. Felt great while on cortisone pills, lousy when off. The first two, three years after retirement are a dangerous period for men....

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@ChrisBird1]

Gender equality 😂😂😂

[@jerry-ze8wr]

That's why it's best to pass away with no health problems, the contrary is really bad.

[@gerbrandvisser]

@@jerry-ze8wr Totally agree. Actually, this is where women have a bad deal. They live longer, but suffer more from health problems.

[@Suzanne291]

Both my parents past shortly after retirement because they didn't to anything which led to increased unhealthy habits.

[@LaLaJonesG]

My brother died my suicide when I was a teen. No judgement - he was in so much pain that the alternative seemed less painful. Little did he know how much we love him and miss him always. The struggle is real.

[@ashleywalker1411]

We have to encourage communication from our masculines.

[@lex28lush10]

🙏💜

[@BennyMcGibbon]

Was he isolated?

[@btoiscool]

​@@LaLaJonesGThat to a male says that y'all don't actually care.

[@nechellebartley6609]

A profoundly excellent episode! Thank you, Richard and Steven, for the work that you are doing to have these difficult and courageous conversations. These are the conversations needed to shift generations - Well done!

[@mary_syl]

My childhood wasn't particularly sheltered and my parents were terrible role models. Nobody told me how to do the important things in life or how to have a healthy adult relationship. Studying hard, building a career, fostering love & friendships - I had to figure out my own way. Stop blaming other people for your outcomes in life, it's UP TO YOU to make it work!! 👍

[@PoSHEmediaglobal]

Same story. I believe the anger comes from the delay that comes with having no guide and having to figure things out. Coupled with all the things you mentioned, I was abused too so as my mates are moving, I am figuring things out and healing. Learning and unlearning. It enrages me that I am still doing the work but I don’t blame anyone

[@patriciaoconnor4741]

Marry young have kids avoid divorce Feminism is a depopulation program

[@markuswunsch]

I have almost no time for podcasts but yours is always worth it!

[@weronikazelik991]

When I heard "I've tried to raise them in a way that would give them the courage to ask the girl out, the grace to accept no for an answer, and the responsibility to make sure that either way she gets home safely" I literally said "wow" and started crying. There was many moments of this conversation when I felt moved, but this one destroyed me. I really feel, as a raging feminist, that awareness and raising masculinity is the new wave of feminist. I believe that we need everyone, women and man to be on the same team, and I would really like to see men carrying about each other and creating men communities like women does. Hearing how Richard Reeves talks about men was really beautiful and endearing. Thank you.

[@DatAsianGuy]

Remember the push for boy scouts to let in girls? This didn't just happen with the boy scouts. it happened with everything that is seen as a "male-dominated" hobby, job, industry, interests and so on. The reason why men have no real community anymore, can be partially blamed on the feminist push that everything masculine and "manly" is toxic. Everything needs a "feminine" touch now, to be inclusive. And don't try to weasel your way out and claim that toxic masculinity doesn't mean everything about masculinity, when the last few years have more than clearly demonstrated that this is the case.

[@Iamhere829]

Absolutely..as a radical feminist.. i am lately seeing alot of red pill death cultish behaviour in the Women's right movement. From the transphobia to abject refusal to get involved with a male child's upbringing.. It makes me angry at well intentioned women being bigoted but at the same time it makes me feel sad because they're desperately trying to avenge the horrible things which have been done to us historically... From gender based Eugenics to fgms to us basically being turned into slave-baby cannons, to the alienation we feel from our parents when we become teenagers, to how we're adultified by other grown ups and held responsible for household chores and babysitting while our older, more mature brothers are allowed to play outside with other kids and allowed their childhood.. Finding out that I'm only wanted if I provide access to my body or free labour crushed me to pieces.. The inherently misogynistic things i was told from my religion and relatives made me suicidal and depressed.. It is a very lonely and degrading experience.. These women are more scared than they're angry.. And i wish people understood that women are in pain just like men are... The minute I heard that boys and men are in suffering too, I was like "Welcome to women's reality." The men don't care how women are suffering because they think women are objects, and all an object needs to be is pretty to control the whole world,right? So they think pretty women don't suffer when they vehemently ignore the majority of women who don't fit beauty standards.. It breaks me how the media does not portrays the bloody and messy truth of women's body, The truth women deal with, majority of our lives, The actual , horrible fear most women have of child birth , of labour pain, of our crotches tearing and our asses exploding, while being shamed for having a loose pussy to make the babies society forced us to make... The messy healing process of post delivery, about the help and nurturing affirmation women need from men in that vulnerable time.. About how men *need* emotional maturity, the soft, emotional side to truly be able to protect a woman... But media only shows the parts men jerk off to.. And it needs men to keep jerking off... so that they can distract men from the fact that they're getting men addicted to make a profit off of their pain and depression.. Feminism still has a vast journey ahead.. But this time, we include men , the suffering they experience, And the ways we can stop ourselves from perpetuating it.. Just like we expect them to...

[@eznosnopes5276]

Why should the boy be the only one asking the girl out? Why aren’t we raising boys and girls to ask each other out?

[@cbassett7274]

@@eznosnopes5276 because there are plenty if not the majority of women who pick and choose the parts of the patriarchy that work to their advantage. I had a coworker who married a feminist. She approached him and asked for a coffee date. There are women who would never ask a man for a date because feel it would be beneath them or that the risk of rejection is something a man should have to face. Many also want men to pay for expensive dates and feel that cheap men ask for coffee dates.

[@eznosnopes5276]

@@cbassett7274 yep. We’re teaching boys they aren’t intrinsically deserving of love or affection if we teach them it’s only their job to approach. We’ve taught girls to feel worthy of love but boys they need to earn it. We’re teaching girls that boys fear of rejection should be subordinate to girls fear of rejection and he should just take it. Through out a lifetime, I believe these are harmful messages that play out in negative ways in men’s lives.

[@r0nea]

A “provider” doesn’t have to be about money. It can be to provide that “language of love”; Provide companionship; provide support, structure, challenges, and goal pursuits. Men can still provide in this new dynamic. I’m a dominant masculine female and would love a strong man, not a needy man (boy). Someone to share the rest of our lives, exploring our differences and changes that we will evolve through.

[@dilcibravo]

in my opinion both are part of the masculinity provider and lovely. They can be talented human beings

[@The_LightArrow]

So you're a dominant female that's looking for an even more dominant man that will let you be in your feminine? Erm okay I guess... I wish you luck

[@warmaxxx]

women say that and then complain later about it

[@cz5836]

It'd be hard to provide structure to a "dominant, masculine female". You should also understand that providing money (security, quality of life, feeling useful etc.) is a big part of the male mindset, very much like it was once a big part of female mindset to want to marry and carry.

[@TimelessErsy]

​@cz5836 Yet luckly women evolved. Time for men to reevaluate and adjust too. Cheers🎉

[@juliehumphreys173]

Awesome conversation. Had me in tears. I’ve always thought as a woman that emotionally switched on men are more masculine, not less 💕

[@slardebard]

There are many guys who have been punished for showing emotions to the women in their life. I appreciate you feeling this way but a lot of women don't think emotional men are attractive.

[@katesmckay]

This interview is huge. Keep doing exactly what you are doing! I lost my son Will to suicide in 2017, and wrote a book called “claim your inner warrior” dedicated to helping men speak their truth and be heard. I fully believe that men are conditioned to language themselves in Women’s world and I am so against it and I am a strong alpha woman! As a high-performance coach I work mostly with men because if I can have one powerful conversation with a man and help him claim his inner warrior, then I know I have done my part. Thank you thank you thank you for this interview. I would love to gift anyone a copy to support this mission. We need you, men!

[@jayc342009]

A big problem we have now is we think men and women are the same and they aren't.

[@bager1982]

I felt unwanted, and also was convinced that everyone close to me, friends and family, would be better off if I was not there - that was the tought I had in early february 24 years ago, to this day I still feel like i'm unworthy and deep down aware that I have issues that makes it hard to connect with people (opposit sex, and relationships) but I am never going to get back to that place of wanting to take my own life, now that I have been so low and gotten a bit better, but getting there is not as easy as just talking to a professional, you also have to accept that you yourself can have issues and you have to change on some aswell.

[@carolsaia7401]

Were you left to cry yourself asleep as an infant? That can lead to deep issues of Self worth. Parenting practices of humans has to change. Attachment parenting is so necessary. And truly loving and wanting a child. "Conscious Conception". And an astrology reading may give you a better sense of Self acceptance and understanding. 😘

[@MtGRebel]

You're not alone.

[@puseletsotsilo]

🫂

[@blazemusing5491]

Are you aware of what caused that feeling, and in what way, or who would make you feel wanted?

[@natashas.1566]

'Don't think less of yourself, think of yourself less.' Nailed it. Our 'ego' (not in its narcissistic form necessarily, but also in its existential form - as an instinct to survive) is killing us (as well).

[@jonahtwhale1779]

Purpose is the paramount factor not being needed. The main character in the movie Castaway had no one who needed him, not even Wilson. However, he had a purpose, to escape the island. This purpose gave him the impetus to overcome the many hurdles that threatened to overwhelm him. Get yourself a purpose and Your approach to life will improve.

[@ysabellpp]

I completely agree! The whole concept of humans need to be needed seems silly to me. I’m not needed and I prefer that. It allows me a freedom to pursue my chosen purpose. Life is like a book or a game, where you are the only one who can create direction. Expecting others to give you your purpose by being needed by them is a recipe for a loss of self. I know I’ll be fine whatever happens around me because I’m centred around my own goals - not goals of other people.

[@jeremymullens7167]

I think a purpose is largely the same thing. He was mostly matching the language in the letters. A purpose would still largely describe some use to society or family. I think purpose is a good word though. What if you don’t see the purpose in your work or don’t feel it has valuable purpose.

[@ysabellpp]

@@jeremymullens7167 purpose doesn’t have to be related to society or work in any way, look at athletes or researchers. Acquiring knowledge could also be a purpose in itself. Self discovery could be a purpose, becoming the best version of yourself, discovering a new animal species, writing a book. It could be really anything that you feel would make your life worth living. My purpose has nothing to do with work, family, community or being needed so I don’t think these are the same things. They could sometimes overlap but they are not the same.

[@jeremymullens7167]

I agree. I just think generally a purpose will help society. Like discovering a new animal contributes to science which is a social construct. I’ll say athletic achievement is mostly personal especially if you’re not competitive. I like purpose because it fits more situations. People can find fulfillment in lots of places.

[@lignenox]

You've overlooked that he had a family in the movie. His purpose was to get back to them.

[@thetaraparker]

My boyfriend opens my car door for me every time and I love it. When he does things like that, I realize that this is a man I can spend the rest of my life with because he is so consistent, reliable, and honors me when he does things like that for me. It’s important for us to remember our differences and not forget who we are so we can come together and create a better team. But if we try to pretend we’re not different and act like we’re the same, we forget our strengths and become good at nothing.

[@fowono2007]

Good for you ! Because many of your "sisters" have taken to dumping Men for being "too nice".

[@Stevo-klo45453]

When I open or hold doors for girls in public; they give me the most weirdest look as in it’s something from the 1800’s. Edit; I also do this with elderly; children and men,, other humans.

[@alenaadamkova5322]

Well its always good living in the moment, not constantly searching for some approval in our memory, because I read this nonsense, or I watched this news, or whatever.

[@kratos.8151]

So what do you do in return for him?

[@strawberry_punch_art]

​@@Stevo-klo45453hi, it's me, one of those girls🙋‍♀️ personally I'm weirded out by this because it's so rare and I'm not sure if there is an expectation attached to it, like to talk or what is the point of it. It feels a bit patronizing to me too but now I can see why some apreciate the gesture

[@figginsdalip]

I am incredibly moved by this conversation and I’m renewed in my intention to show love and empathy to men as they go through this challenging time of transition. Men, we need you, whole, healed and fully realized, and we have not forgotten the value you bring to our lives when you are at your best. Even at your worst, we continue to hold space for you, in hopes that those feelings of frustration, anger, hopelessness, anxiety and fear will be replaced with love, fulfillment, joy, peace, confidence, and courage. Praying for all the men and boys in my life, that they would find their true nature and flourish in our changing world.

[@dblackout1107]

You are a really great person. As someone who feels useless like he talks about...not feeling anymore like I have a place in the world or will find a girl who wants to spend their life with me let alone find a girl at all to enjoy the company of...your empathy is honestly rare today. Lots of men are losing purpose nowadays. I've dated a long time ago and honestly what scares me most is I don't even see myself optimistically finding someone anymore. The idea itself of having a companion feels foreign. I'm loyal, but I was cheated on without reason. I've never really ever been the same because I think logically and if I got cheated on, I must have done something wrong. But I felt authentically myself and I was good to her. Idk I'll stop ranting, but thanks for showing people they're heard.

[@handlebar4520]

Your sentiment is kind, but frankly, the situation is too little too late. I believe studies have shown in mice that changes in social behavioural patterns that prevent them from forming the social structures and connections that allow them to mate are permanent. If this is true for humans then this is a form of social sterilization in the men this concerns, and the men aren't coming back. No matter how much the majority of women want them to do so.

[@shin-ishikiri-no]

@@handlebar4520 I think a lot of men would go back to the plantation if the legal system weren't so ridiculously skewed in favour of the vvomen. Like men in general need some sort of leverage in mate selection, otherwise it's a pointless losers scenario. Also, you may be right about the emotional damage being permanent. I think part of the reason it's so damaging has to do with the difficulty acquiring mate opportunity in the first place. Vvomen have many options, so a side effect of that is they are never really bummed out when something doesn't work out, it's just off to the next guy. This may be better for mental health, but men very rarely have access to such circumstances.

[@Suzette-gb7uj]

Beautifully stated!

[@Tim_G_Bennett]

Thank you for saying that, however after been told by society that I'm not wanted for the last 40 years, I can't really imagine anyone wanting me anymore.