The Narcissism Doctor: "1 In 6 People Are Narcissists!" How To Spot Them & Can They Change?

Dr Ramani Durvasula is a clinical psychologist, Professor of Psychology at California State University, and the Founder and CEO of LUNA Education, Training & Consulting. She is also the author of books such as ‘Should I Stay or Should I Go: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist’.
00:00 Intro
02:44 Why Dedicating Your Life To Studying Narcissism
03:46 The Cost Of Narcissism
06:43 How To Spot A Narcissist
12:33 How To Differentiate An Asshole From A Narcissist
15:25 Can You Cure Narcissism?
16:45 What Gender Tends To Be More Narcissistic
18:30 The Types Of Narcissism
25:13 How Many People Are Narcissists?
27:27 Is Social Media Fuelling More Narcissists
32:45 Where Does Narcissism Come From Genetics Environment
36:42 Narcissism Lives In A Spectrum
37:44 Are Narcissists More Successful
40:48 The Empathic CEOs Are Rare
43:40 Does Money Make You More Narcissistic?
47:39 How Do You Know If You Are A Narcissist
50:55 What People Get Attracted To Narcissist?
54:17 How To Know If My Partner Is A Narcissist
56:08 The Three Rs: How To Know If You're In A Negative Relationship
01:00:04 Pathological Manipulation
01:01:32 What's Projection?
01:04:56 Can They Take Feedback
01:06:31 Gaslighting, What Is It?
01:11:25 How To Deal With Being Gaslit
01:13:46 Do Narcissists Engage In Domestic Behaviour
01:15:54 What Should I Do If My Boss Is A Narcissist
01:18:08 Can You Get Out From A Narcissistic Person
01:22:40 Can You Be Happy In A Relationship With A Narcissist
01:24:45 What Is The Weak Point Of A Narcissist
01:26:21 Why Don't They Like Authentic People
01:27:28 Famous Narcissists
01:32:31 You Can Come Back From Narcissistic Abuse
01:34:40 Hardest Day Of Your Life
You can order Dr Ramani’s most recent book, ‘It's Not You: How to Identify and Heal from NARCISSISTIC People’, here: amzn.to/49QrwaB
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This episode of The Diary Of A CEO was filmed at Gold Tree Studios, located in the heart of the Sunset Strip, West Hollywood, California

[@TheDiaryOfACEO]

Can I ask you all a favour? If you enjoy this episode, could you please hit the like button 👍🏾 it helps us massively. Appreciate you all! 🙏🏽

[@Dischordian]

30 000 dead in Gaza, and you are still posting these empty vapid conversations about sex.

[@freedomutopuia]

How was it interviewing a narcissist about narcissism? 😅 She even tried to put you down and into place when your questions made her feel like you were onto her. Scary eyes. Definitely a narcissist

[@wellnesspathforme6236]

Narcissists don't relate. Rather, they feel they are right and feel entitled to other people conforming to their agenda. Narcissists can only demand conformanceships; they can't have relationships.

[@wellnesspathforme6236]

Narcissists can't cleave... they can be superficial, but they can't cleave... For context, the Money Power Allodials financed rusty iron filings into the food supply beginning in 1941. This toxic form of iron has never been in the food supply before. Morley Robbins is the expert on iron toxicity. He would be a great guest. Daniel 2:43-44 43 And whereas thou sawest iron mixed with miry clay, they shall mingle themselves with the seed of men: but they shall not cleave one to another, even as iron is not mixed with clay. 44 And in the days of these kings shall the God of heaven set up a kingdom, which shall never be destroyed: and the kingdom shall not be left to other people, but it shall break in pieces and consume all these kingdoms, and it shall stand for ever.

[@oliviiaaach95]

@@freedomutopuia 💯💯 takes one to know one right!! 😂

[@DoctorRamani]

Thank you so much for having me on your podcast!

[@Love-eg2vf]

I spent years studying narcissism, due to having grown up as the designated scapegoat. I spent years buying into this model of “recovery”, which only perpetuates the external locus of control and the belief that safety is found by identifying toxic people and avoiding them. This felt good, but did nothing for me. It was only through learning how to strengthen my boundaries and learning how not to absorb other people’s emotions, regardless of whether they were narcissists or not, that my life began to improve in drastic ways. That and changing my own self-concept. The human ego in itself is narcissistic, all people are narcissistic to one degree or another. Some much more dysfunctional than others. This idea that labeling and identifying narcissists is some kind of revelation has lead to everyone calling everyone narcissists, further increasing division. Ironically, I’m seeing people on the extreme end of the spectrum now calling others narcissists.

[@Its_AutumnMoon]

You're an absolute force for positive change Dr. Ramani - change within us individually, and therefore change at a societal level. You've opened my eyes. THANK YOU!

[@aushrinestar6161]

Thank you for opening up.about the abuse💝💖💗💓🙏

[@skyefarnam7857]

I think some domestic abusive behaviors are traumatic triggers. Limbic behavior.

[@face-in-the-crowd]

You have opened my eyes over the past few years. Great work 💕

[@shodack5124]

This woman saved my life 5 years ago. No exaggeration.

[@ToddRock16]

Remember Trump changing the weather map so that the hurricane went the direction he wanted it to and then tried to cover it up and never admitted he was wrong? Then spent 2 weeks Still Trying to CONVINCE us he was right. ID THAT NARC ENCAPSULATION OTR WHAT?😊 as well. Insane unbelievable -- I mean...well you knowy.. Human experience. A hot, high IQ , 2 Masters Degrees woman from. a moneyed Catholic family . Flowers to her neighbors weekly ,smile line wrinkles mile long from 50 ye rs of the Narc mask triangulating me _ 2 of her exes in misty ingenious manipulation scheme ever. She knows I don't play m jig school games. Walk outside... Shs standing in rain. Soaking wet. Trying to convince you that it's 80 Degrees an the sun is out. And will NOT STOP until you relenqiish reality.

[@ashleywalker1411]

Ah. You sound like a vulnerable narcissist.

[@ashleywalker1411]

How? Did you agree to enter into a therapeutic agreement with her? An observable and accountable confidentiality covenant? If not, she abused you, because she is not who she pretends to be and is causing serious damage on the Internet.

[@joycenichols6187]

​@@ashleywalker1411are you a narc that got found out cause of her knowledge?

[@Wherethereisnodarkness]

A lot of these narc channels prey on "victims". They need you to forever think that you are a victim and in need of healing. Some have even admitted it. ​@@joycenichols6187

[@soscruffy]

As a mental health professional and survivor I LOVE this woman. Listening to her is the opposite of being gaslit

[@wattsy6303]

Aren't you perfect!

[@soscruffy]

@@wattsy6303 Oh thank you. That's sweet x

[@wattsy6303]

You are a reflection of everyone you hate and disagree with. You or I are not perfect and are more alike then not, because we are HUMAN. maybe when yous realise this you'll have more love and understanding which means less division and seperaton which means not as much need for condemnation of others choices and or brain chemistry through the derogatory label of "narcissism" Much love to you ❤

[@wattsy6303]

Yous LOVE division and you LOVE being a victim as it makes you feel better and more important than others The exact thing yous blame Narcs for doing! 😂❤

[@soscruffy]

@@wattsy6303 Were these comments for me? It sounds like you are having quite a big reaction. You mention "hate", "division", "derogatory", "condemnation" and seem to be projecting onto me some narcissistic stuff about being "perfect". This was in response to someone sharing gratitude to the interviewee. I'm not quite sure what's going on there with your response. Sounds like you are having some big feelings though and I'm very curious!

[@glowieokenney7915]

Divorcing my narc husband in September!! I can’t wait to have my own place with peace after 25 years with this disgusting behavior!!!! I’m officially done!!!! ✅

[@kaizen_5091]

"if the behavior is unacceptable, it's unacceptable, I don't care about the back story" Yes, indeed, Dr Ramani, if only we all saw it that way. Less people would be able to get away with horrendous acts against others.

[@Anarcho-Communist895]

People who grew up abused and didn't learn to love, who have a predisposition to be unempathetic, may have no choice about being jerks. They still need to suffer consequences for crimes or more crimes get committed and destroy civilization.

[@kaizen_5091]

@@Anarcho-Communist895 I used to be of that mind. That someones back story not only explains their behavior but justifies it. I no longer see it that way. It's also irrelevant them getting punished because it does not change the impact they have on other people's lives. Unless you are walking around with blinkers on, you will soon learn as an adult that something is not right with yourself and that maybe how you go about things is not okay. It's up to that individual to take responsibility for their actions no matter how they got to that state because facts are, no one else has the power to do so like themselves!!!

[@willow1698]

It's funny that she is the biggest narcissist of all and her content does nothing but breed more of them. But none of them will see it because they're… by definition, NARCISSISTS, lmao. Ramani is just their supply. It's so embarrassing that none of them see it but she's bred the exact audience she wants to create. Constant supply on both ends. Can't say it's not genius.

[@angielinda487]

@@kaizen_5091 well said. I got sucked into or manipulated/gaslit into their traumas until someone once reminded me that I had been and was going through narc traumas abuse far worse and I wasn't using it as an excuse to be nasty and irresponsible or victimhood. Narcs choose to ignore the initial moral conscience till it no longer works. As adults we're definitely responsible for our choices.

[@lieklunt912]

I always said "he acts like a Dick but he's accually not" until somebody said "if he always acts like a Dick... he is just a Dick" and that person was soo right 😅

[@Yenzi769]

Dr. Ramani's insight always hits different, especially when it's about vulnerability. Strong people have vulnerable moments too.

[@user-bn4nc9fc8r]

absolutely! and watch out for psych-ologist profession

[@TheDavveponken]

@@user-bn4nc9fc8r ironic since ramani is one of the biggest hacks of the industry

[@pa2359]

Saved mine 3 and half years ago

[@TheDavveponken]

My comment was censored yet again. Surprise

[@hazeleyes0071]

strong people or narcissists?

[@Jakob19thmmm]

I was in a narcissistic relationship for many years. Now that I'm free of it, I can identify the behavior quickly. When you're inside of the relationship, it feels like a prison.

[@MrTrollbaby]

Yeh you have different eyes. A handful of conversations and you can be absolutely sure without a doubt.

[@Belluser-we1uc5cb2l]

It's hard when your parents are narcissistic. I tried to talk to people about it, and they said, "Well, you need to honor your parents, you need to respect them. I said, "Well, what if they're abusing you and not respecting you?" I'm supposed to put up with it. Everyone was defending them. I had no support. Thank God for these videos.

[@Coral_Forever]

Yes, these videos help. I find it gives me strength, even "permission," sometimes, to chart my own course, form my own goals, create my own stability, and not feel too guilty for being more distant in some ways. A big challenge is finding a way to begin again and feeling it is OK to do so. I wish you all the best. It is reassuring to watch these videos.

[@not2longnow]

I hear you. Trying to save my step daughter. Your not on your own. Stay strong, leave quietly. Peace and love.

[@JD-jz8vl]

It took me many years to learn that I do not have to have anything to do with my narcissist mother. Abuse is abuse and who in their right mind is friends with their abuser

[@AntsCanada]

I am a narcissistic survivor, and it wasn't even a family member, but strangely a co-worker. Even if it was for a short term, I was very much so psychologically damaged which took me years to recover from. It's so important that the world is well versed in this world of narcisism. Watching Dr. Ramani's videos during pandemic helped me further heal and come to understand that time of my life. Thank you for inviting her!

[@Melynnest]

Me too it’s very damaging

[@Donbellep]

I was exactly the same. Co-worker too, who ended up as my best friend that I then realised was actually a narc and I was the codependent one! Dr. Ramani, saved my life!!

[@tinselinkl]

I'm still in the situation. Getting a job and background checks seems to be siding him. Tarnishing reputation

[@krisyanren755]

I think I can relate to this. I also have a co worker that gave ma PTSD. She always makes me feel that I always do things wrong, I always make mistakes (even if I do my best in the job) . She is the Hero/protagonist at work and I am the villain. It feels like she steps on me each day to make her the one loved by everyone. She is the nice, most lovable, helpful one and I am the most useless... No one has ever made me feel that way.

[@rosesilveira344]

I work with a covert narcissist who recruited other narcissists & alphas to her circle. She is a control freak who has no boundaries to maintain her facade & power over 😅others. It's a daily struggle to keep my wits from falling into their pitfalls. My biggest defense is silence, inner integrity & distance.

[@chubstuf]

I just changed a profile picture in my phone for one of my contacts from a handsome face to "never defend, justify, explain or overshare." It will remind me every time the contact calls that I have the option to decline, block or completely remove them from my contact list. Baby steps are slowly giving me my life back.

[@roxysimmons]

fantastic idea!

[@matthewmiller3920]

Share the meme?

[@ca5417]

Brilliant!

[@averyintelligence]

Non attention seeking people simply block the number. Have you tried that?

[@Ebi_fuwafuwa]

he is a he, not a them

[@x-2954]

When dealing with narcissism, you should know that it’s not personal. “It isn’t personal” is one of those cliches used to cushion all kinds of bad actions taken by people who need an out for being immoral, but in this case it actually gets near the truth. Narcissists don’t know how to love or be a friend; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissist value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing. They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves. When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection. Moreover, People wonder why they end up hurt, seriously hurt, and even killed for their own actions. Cheating is a choice and there’s simply a lot of ignorance in the process.... Thank you so much for helping me out Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Your advice and services helped me so much. You are a lifesaver !!! The information you gave me about my cheating partner when you gave me access to his phone was everything I needed to get,.. thank you very much..

[@lostcause6100]

Is it possible to be a narcissist in a long term apparently successful marriage? At least it looks like that to the outside world. This is not me but a female narcissist I used to know. Mainly grandiose somatic.

[@colingibson8930]

Seems like you are describing a narcissist who is very much on the psychopathic end of the scale. I think there are also 'narcissists' who wouldn't entirely fit with all of those traits.

[@ManyWeidman]

Great video, there is nothing like a perfect marriage or relationship, I learnt that in everything there is always a solution, 5 years ago I and my wife divorced because we were having some difficulties in our marriage but we are back together ,it was a really bad phase but we got through it.

[@DavidVelasquez9]

there is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things

[@ManyWeidman]

its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is SHELLY RENEE WHITE.

[@DavidVelasquez9]

this is helpful, I will look her up. I hope this works for me too, I really miss her.

[@Winston.Smith101]

​@@DavidVelasquez9good luck 😊

[@Clevelandsteamer324]

@@ManyWeidmanthere is only one spiritual advisor. And it’s not that person

[@tinuvi]

After dealing with a narcissist, I decided to prioritize my mental well-being by working remotely. It's helping!!😇

[@KayleneRomero-oz7yz]

THIS!❤

[@Hkizzie]

What I find most interesting about this amazing podcast is, did any narcissists watch it and realise they are narcissists and how did that knowledge affect them? 🧐

[@Bennie32831]

Running away from problems isn't going to fix it for ever

[@mysterygirl5291]

My dream job is a remote one! I just can’t stand the narcissistic work culture where the narcissistic and psychopathic ones rise to the top.

[@marionohara5606]

​@@Hkizzie In no way do or will they ever accept that they r narcissists....ever. They can't be fixed because they r everybody's best friend and that's their reality......they r wonderful in their own mind just because they help a homeless person or give to Charity and make sure everyone knows they r doing that. It's a nightmare of a life if ur the partner.

[@pennyatglitter]

Dr Ramani is a blessing to our generation. I wish her every success in her work.

[@willow1698]

It's funny that she is the biggest narcissist of all and her content does nothing but breed more of them. But none of them will see it because they're… by definition, NARCISSISTS, lmao. Ramani is just their supply. It's so embarrassing that none of them see it but she's bred the exact audience she wants to create. Constant supply on both ends. Can't say it's not genius.

[@coogeetech3110]

"Mental health is an onging process of dedication to truth at all cost."

[@willow1698]

She is a narcissist and breeds other narcissists

[@Susan-lf2hl]

​@@willow1698 what,?

[@willow1698]

@@Susan-lf2hl She is a narcissist and her content is a breeding ground for other narcissists. Look up the DSM-V and start checking off symptoms. I'm not even kidding, it's scary to see.

[@Enlighten9096]

Thank you. I am desperately trying to survive having just left and gone no contact from a parental narcissist while first fighting for my life and listening to Dr. Ramani hours daily because her work is the only thing that may be saving my life. Dr. Ramani‘s description at the beginning of this interview is bone, chilling for it is apt, direct, accurate. it is only a scratch at the surface and she is 100% accurate.

[@veilmontTV]

I havnt talked to my mother in years. My brother and I broke contact with her before we knew what narcissism was other than the general idea of it. Looking at my childhood and relationship with my mother everything makes so much sense. I feel peace knowing I'm free

[@erindewitt6049]

I hear you…I distanced myself from a narcissistic mother and can’t tolerate being around her so it ended up being no contact. I found a therapist who asked the right questions and helped me put the pieces together for myself. I was in danger of ending myself because she made me feel like a terrible person. She murdered my soul. Moving in a positive direction but definitely grieving so it is slow going

[@Enlighten9096]

Thank you for what you wrote and taking the time to share. I needed to hear this exactly as you shared and today, of all days. Thank you.

[@rahulm2827]

imagine, if 15% of humanity are like that, - if these demons manage to break even 2 ppl in their life, they'll ruin half of humanity. thank you to dr. ramani and all doctors who educate about narcism.

[@ip3931]

The line about how individuals ''may give up on their path of education'' gave me goosebumps of relatability.

[@CandiceLMossArt]

Same! That one hit hard. 20 years later, I’m finally picking up where I changed majors and never felt better.

[@StayFocused902]

Unfortunately, same!

[@zekova]

Same! 😣🥺

[@sacrilegiousboi978]

Narcissists can seem like the most loving, charming and sweet people one minute with one person and then the next minute with someone else they’re mean, rude, dismissive and cold/callous. Everyone has varying moods, but with narcs it’s like they’ve got varying personalities and you’re always uncertain and afraid which one will appear next. They will never admit wrongdoing 99% of the time and even if they do, they will still blame you and make you think you had it coming.

[@Godisgracious85]

Facts

[@LuxxDaze]

You choose those men, so deal with it. If you can’t recognize an narcissist, you deserved to meet one because of your naivety.

[@iklijkwelgekmetmijneigennaam]

@@LuxxDaze Looks like we found one.

[@wattsy6303]

​​@@iklijkwelgekmetmijneigennaam isint blaming and resenting people who exhibit behaviors we deem as negative, based off faulty or underdeveloped brain chemistry which is largely out of their control in of itself narcissistic?. Why not lead with love and understanding? And if can't do that just don't resound at all?. Empowerment and positivity should not come from billing and shaming others, especially for things they can not control based off your own definitions.

[@LuxxDaze]

@@iklijkwelgekmetmijneigennaam Ah yes no accountability like in real life, just finger pointing a random person, sigh…..Never your fault because you met them, right? It’s their fault, right? I mean you choose them in the first place? But yet their fault, right? Neem wat verantwoordelijkheid in uw leven en stop met finger wijzen.

[@sarahs5340]

I fervently believe it would benefit our society to teach our children, in an age appropriate way, about personality disorders including narcissism, antisocial personality disorder and substance abuse disorders. I am grateful that I read a book a few years before I met the malignant narcissist I dated. It didn’t save me from the relationship, but it saved me from being more damaged. I was able to externalize his behaviors. Education is just such an important piece for the survivors. These personality disorders are no joke and can be very dangerous. We need to prepare our children for encountering this kind of individual.

[@jenniferwingo5430]

I absolutely agree

[@angelasophia3705]

We have been taught about these people - in books, in fairy tales, great Russian literature is about these people, warning us all the time. You know what it's called - it's called evil. It's all over the scriptures of various religions. We have just santized and medicalized our morality too much to call it what it is.

[@cellosong]

The hardest thing to explain to people who have not lived with a narcissist is the behavior of the vulnerable or covert narcissist. These people appear "normal" but when you are intimately connected to them they are judgmental, will unfairly target other family members for their hate, will love others only conditionally and if you don't comply with their vision of your life they will reject you, they will emotionally withhold from their children and put unfair expectations onto their children. They are highly damaging to children.

[@JosephineSanni]

you hit the nail on the head. They have so much disdain for their family members who do not measure up to their standards, and most times, the family member doesn't know.

[@MegaYvette2010]

This woman....is my HERO!!! She put SO many things in perspective for me and my family regarding a Narcissistic family member. YEARS of emotional abuse and drama...and now we know exactly how to deal with this person. Dr Ramani saved us!

[@megg.6651]

You need to watch SAM VAKNIN - he is AWESOME!

[@willow1698]

It's funny that she is the biggest narcissist of all and her content does nothing but breed more of them. But none of them will see it because they're… by definition, NARCISSISTS, lmao. Ramani is just their supply. It's so embarrassing that none of them see it but she's bred the exact audience she wants to create. Constant supply on both ends. Can't say it's not genius.

[@B_27]

Something that seems to have been missed in the definition of "a narcissist" is that narcissism is a defence against shame. These people lack the skills to be able face those feelings of shame without it completely destroying their sense of self.

[@meredithheath5272]

Only sometimes. Yes - some people are "hurt people who hurt people", but not always. In my experience, most of these individuals are simply sadistic psychopaths, in it "just for the game of it".

[@jacquedaw]

Yes you are right, people want to demonise narcissist, but it is a defence from shame, and they have very well established defenses that few see through. Most don't want to see it as they are too identified with being blameless victims.

[@catspurr_98]

@@jacquedaw know that we are not demonising the person, only the personality/disorder. if we were to demonise the person we might as well call them possessed. One should however try not to sympathise or empathise with them as that acts as a breeding ground for justifications and rationalisations of their behaviour. the issue is in our own perception unfortunately, if a child would show similar traits we wouldn't justify or pay much attention, but its the being a fully functioning adult that brings on the confusion as a child can't do us as much harm as an adult.

[@jacquedaw]

@@catspurr_98 It is just everyone who has an argument or a break up now labels the other as a narc, there is now a recognised condition called narcissistic victim syndrome. All this polarised good/bad - narc/empath duality does not show the full picture. Yes those with NPD have extreme protector parts who were formed when they were young children so they are immature and can be very damaging in an adult. But it is possible to have empathy and good boundaries. Those who end up victims of narcissistic behaviour usually have poor boundaries, are codependant or people pleasers, so they have work to do on themselves to see why they co create this toxic dynamic. If they don't accept responsibility and see themselves as blameless empaths preyed upon by evil narcs etc, then nothing will change. Both sides have a complete lack of acountability. In fact when someone starts going on about being an empath who is targeted by narcs, their lack of acountability and victim mindset often has me questioning if they have narcissistic traits themselves

[@owoitsmrdonutgirl]

​@@catspurr_98 you seem like a great person, im not a narcisisist however you spell it, at least i dont think i am... anyways your insight on demonising the narc personality, and not the person, was the right formula I needed to understand . I personally hope that oneday we cross paths and ill help you, because you helped me. And if none has told you this, shame on them You are loved you are kind And even if you cant appreciate yourself or your art. I do. Go and have your self a good year 🎉🎉🎉🎉

[@shervinjahan3255]

This woman saved my life 5 months ago Now im free and happier than ever !!!

[@meredithheath5272]

So many of us have derived so much strength through her, Dr. Carter, and Andrew's Channel "Narc Daily" ❤❤❤

[@rowanforrester3423]

She says 1 in 6 people are narcissist-IC, not actual narcissists. It's a major point of difference. NPD is a full on disorder, but narcissistic behaviors aren't necessarily. Teenagers are naturally narcissistic, for example, because their brains aren't yet fully developed. Dr. Ramani is a godsend and is brilliant - please don't misquote her. 💛

[@seemlesslies]

Everyone has narcissistic behaviors.....this stat is like any other 1 in X stat. It's just to generate clicks and outrage.

[@fairlycultured9329]

Haven't developed properly empathy, true.

[@gonzalopriale3293]

Dr Ramani meant 1 in 6 pepple are narcissists, meaning actual pathological narcissists, people that actually have Narcissistic Personality Disorder... She's not referring to people wirh "narcissistics traits" who don't have NPD.

[@robinantonio8870]

In my experience, I would say about 50% of people are narcissitic.

[@therealdeal3672]

1 in 6 equals about 17%, rounded up. Always knew that there is a higher percentage of narcissists than used to be acknowledged. It was a solid 37.5% in my family. Plus a borderline. So fully 50% of my family of origin was cluster B. My whole family life when I was young was unpredictable and unsafe. Have been no contact going on 12 years. Best thing I ever did for myself.

[@BBB-rd2qi]

My family too. No contact 6 years ago.

[@redefiningmyself8598]

10 years no contact with my mum and 8 years no contact with my sisters. I do not regret these choices. For newer people, don't let the FOG (fear, obligation or guilt) make decisions for you ❤

[@petrairene]

Yeah. There are tons of workplace and family tyrants out there that satisfy their narc urges at the cost of their environment. Everyone knows at least one or two. It definitely has to be more than one in ten.

[@Anarcho-Communist895]

It seems to me like it's less than that but I'd definitely agree at least 1 in 6 people is abusive. And I've felt for a long time that 1 in 3 people isn't really a good person.

[@ijmcnaught]

One parent and one sibling so 40% in my case, then i attract them, figured that out thanks to Dr Ramani she helped me so much understanding thus complex smoke and mirrors pervasive issue.. hard to imagine no empathy, but they exist

[@janamarina1714]

When she explained the gaslighting thing, I got goosebumps. Happens to me in my current relationship a lot and I never understood why I felt this way. Thank you for this episode!

[@joanna0988]

It's so powerful to have this explained because being in a relationship where you are gaslit creates so much anxiety and lack of self trust. I hope you find healing and are able to move away from this relationship 🙏🏻

[@alexd1]

Ugh… I wanted to hug her at the end… no matter how strong and capable we are, at the end of the day, we’re human and trauma cuts so deep 😢 kudos to her for continuing with her education and helping others heal

[@Chronically_Kimberly]

She saved me. I'm working on getting out of my marriage now. My mental health is so much better. Thank you, Dr. Romani. ❤

[@pumlabrook-thomae1301]

Wishing you a future filled with peace and a loving future partner.,love.

[@Chronically_Kimberly]

@pumlabrook-thomae1301 Thank you. That's so kind of you to say. ☺️ I combined Dr. Ramani's videos with individual therapy. And now, I'm actually looking forward to being alone. Not because I don't want a partner in the future, but because I'm actually learning to love myself. 💕💕 2 years ago, I was suicidal. So, if there is anyone out there reading this that's in the thick of it, you don't have to live this way. 2 years seems like a long time when you're beaten down by your narcissist, but the time is going to pass anyway. You can be exactly where you are now, in 2 years, or you can be well on your way to loving yourself and being okay in your own company. And 2 years goes by so fast when you are steadily getting better and better. 💕💕

[@pumlabrook-thomae1301]

@@Chronically_Kimberly you’re welcome and thank you for sharing your story. This platform is gonna help so many people. It’s so powerful.

[@mgpet]

Me too! And suddenly he is doing everything he couldn't do after 9 years of being together .. he is also now going through depression, but I cannot continue... It has taken me a long time to take this decision, with 2 small kids. But he doesn't let me go and at times I'm scared but I have to do it.

[@Chronically_Kimberly]

@mgpet I'm wishing you all the best. I know it must be hard with 2 small kids. I have 2 boys, but they are 18 & 22. The good thing about small kids is, they will have a chance at a peaceful life. My kids didn't get that and are going to need a lot of therapy. If you are scared for your safety, please make the separation through a battered women's organization. That way you will be led in the right direction, and he's less likely to be violent if he knows you have support. I'm not sure what your thoughts are about custody. I wouldn't want him to start abusing your kids. My dad did that. My mom left. My dad managed to get custody for the sole purpose of hurting my mom. Then he really abused me and my little sister because he was a narcissist and we reminded him of my mom. Whatever you decide will be the right decision. Again, wishing you all the best. 💕💕

[@nalosolo4696]

Omg imagine if Dr Ramani had given up her education because of her terrible experience at uni! Because of this one narcissist we wouldn’t have this wealth of knowledge that has changed my life and by the looks of the comments section many, many others! Well done to her! She really is amazing! I’m so glad she never gave up on herself with such odds against her!! Thank you so much Dr Ramani! To anyone reading this you never know the impact your life will have or is having, so please stay true to your authentic self and keep going no matter what! 🎉❤

[@annabozyk9888]

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Dr. Ramani for making the distinction that all Domestic Abusers are indeed, Narcissists. I never knew what Narcissism really was, until I started listening to you. My abuser went into a treatment program for Domestic Abuse...and learned to abuse me in ways in which he couldn't get caught, or arrested. The abuse never stopped, because he was a Narcissist.

[@meredithheath5272]

Yup - they are very clever, aren't they? I, also had an abuser - and his family - who cleverly escaped detection, esp. because they were so skillful at lying that they engaged in Swatting - they would abuse me - then call the police - on me! The police even ordered me to undergo a mandatory drug test in the hospital, after I had the anxiety attack, after being Swatted! One of the many incidences of clever abuse.)

[@willow1698]

It's funny that she is the biggest narcissist of all and her content does nothing but breed more of them. But none of them will see it because they're… by definition, NARCISSISTS, lmao. Ramani is just their supply. It's so embarrassing that none of them see it but she's bred the exact audience she wants to create. Constant supply on both ends. Can't say it's not genius. Abusers are abusers, having NPD has nothing to do with it. She's just pathologizing her own disorder because she fears it. She sees herself in it. It's so embarrassing.

[@lloyannehurd]

I’ve seen this behaviour in people who are actually taking nasty advantage of church groups who think they are helping this poor innocent person who can’t help themselves. I’ve also witnessed Burn Out of paid or unpaid caregivers as a result of this. Always be aware!!!

[@sherriflemming3218]

Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft Safe People by Henry Cloud The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker

[@lorrainehewlett984]

My experience was that the abuse got worse AFTER I left with the children. It was a decade of agony after leaving. (It took 7.5 years to get divorced.) When a person has a lack of empathy, they can be unbelievably cruel and vengeful. They don’t care how much they are hurting you and the children. You can’t abuse the mother of your children and then expect it will not affect the children, especially when she is the primary caregiver. The consequences of narcissism reverberate throughout the decades. It is very sad to witness (as a mother who wants the very best for her children and wants them to thrive). I hope that more and more people can recognize narcissism so they can avoid getting into a relationship with a narcissist (whether it is NPD or high narcissistic traits e.g., 4 out of 9). I wish the very best to the survivors of narcissistic abuse. There are many of us out there. Thank you Dr. Ramani for all you have done to educate people about narcissism.

[@MsLiveLaughLoveUK]

She opened my eyes. I was having cardiac arrests and started developing unexplainable physical medical problems because my narcissistic abuse and being kept in fight or flight mode for 10 years.. I went through hell not understanding the link between my health and the abuse I was enduring, but ended the relationship when I started educating myself about neurodiversity and narcs; and found Dr Ramani's youtube page. I wish I knew how to contact her. She doesn't know how many lives she has saved.

[@aprilm.1277]

I know someone who is a narcissist. She knows it, and she's proud of it. She thinks it makes her better than others, almost like a super power. She thinks it doesn't make her a bad person, it makes her a smart person.

[@AlKip-qr6zo]

OMG thank you. I feel like crying. I am a 54 year old man. I have spent my whole life attracting The Narcissist. Thank you.

[@syifau1093]

I hope you no longer attract those evil beings!

[@user-pi1xc7dc9t]

Either ur not setting boundaries r some parental childhood shit where it's all yk. Be conscious

[@real-eyes-realise-real-lie8888]

Bless you. Know exactly how you feel. I'm a 54 year old woman who does the same. X

[@Clevelandsteamer324]

Read : co-dependent no more, no more Mr . Nice guy

[@Crazee108]

She speaks so fluently and is so lovely to listen to

[@Ana-vj8oy]

Covert Narcisist women are the hardest thing to identify . I wish professionals would talk more about this type of narcissism .

[@Andrewjohnyoutube]

This lady is brilliant. I’ve personally noticed an increase in narcissistic behaviour in the last decade, particularly in young adults - a generation who grew up in an age of social media, and it’s actually understandable why it is so prevalent today. People are no longer just ‘Joe Bloggs’ they’re ‘@joebloggs’, they’re profiles and pages with an inflated sense of self / ego, addicted to the dopamine hit of a like on a post. This is where I believe modern narcissism develops so rapidly. Growing up in a world led by social media grooms narcissistic behaviour IMO. The sad thing is I don’t see a way of stopping it.

[@NatzTalk]

I don't necessarily agree but see your point. I'm not into social media, never have been but I also believe its more about parents keeping their kids humble

[@MeHoyMinoy-cv3ps]

I completely agree, social media has created a huge level of self obsession among young people where they’re presenting something false to who they really are and so focused on putting themselves on display.

[@Blueskies7775]

I’ve been following her for over 7 years, she’s the best of the best!

[@adabrosier7854]

same and agree💯

[@tfkdandsvkc]

Been watching her since 2016

[@EriPages]

Thank you so much. This is my other account.

[@BBB-rd2qi]

Dr. Ramani saved my life 7 years ago. I found her channel on Utube.

[@willow1698]

It's funny that she is the biggest narcissist of all and her content does nothing but breed more of them. But none of them will see it because they're… by definition, NARCISSISTS, lmao. Ramani is just their supply. It's so embarrassing that none of them see it but she's bred the exact audience she wants to create. Constant supply on both ends. Can't say it's not genius.

[@derrickwere6225]

Dr. Ramani saved my life 4 years ago. I thank God I bumped into your channel that time.

[@RobbieMeadows-oz4cx]

Good luck buddy

[@kateoverdier8716]

Dr. Ramani is a treasure , a remarkable leader & teacher to millions of us. I feel protective of her upon hearing her darkest day. I hope the person who terrorized her years ago has by now met his comeuppance & some serious judgement. I'm sure I'm not alone in this wish. Rock on, Dr. Ramani, we love you!💖

[@meredithheath5272]

❤❤❤❤

[@nomadic_orthodox]

1 in 6 and I won the jackpot 😅 Parents, ex-mother-in-law and ex-husband are narcissists. Watched Dr.Ramani through my journey to break free. Won in court and saved my child’s life. She’s a blessing for all survivors!

[@robinantonio8870]

2 parents, grandmother, aunt, cousin and her kids ,2 sisters, 1 niece, 2 step siblings, 1 stepfather, 3 romantic long term partners, every friend, and every narc in a workplace or social group has targeted me, several bosses, and about 1/3 of clients. Being groomed to be the scapegoat from childhood may have made me the magnet for every narc I came accross, and I only learned about it in the last 9 yrs, but I think narcs are far more common than 20 %.

[@nomadic_orthodox]

@@robinantonio8870 I would say your assessment you’re a magnet for narcs is right, and it seems there are more. But the number 1 in 6 will grow for sure.

[@kittenmitten7360]

I've watched HUNDREDS of Dr Ramani videos on her personal channel, and yet I still learn something or hear something in a different way in EVERY video she puts out and interview she does with other people. LOVE HER!

[@emeewel]

Being in a relationship with an addict who is also a narcissist or has borderline personality disorder or both - you're a survivor when you're living through it, you're a warrior once you get out

[@idarejler3635]

❤ True

[@shobhnakapoor1399]

​@kiwicatnip you are wrong. BPD and NPD can be comorbid

[@StellaAdler1171]

Exactly!!

[@onerose3614]

After I found out about many things with my partner, I did seek counselling on my own and was told by this one counsellor that she didn’t put labels on anyone with that characterization of the narcissist. Her words were, I don’t believe in labelling people and for me she suggested to set goals to work on a way to find myself and to live as though he didn’t exist. I was a mess and needed help and thought she would help me but I was left with more questions than answers. The Mental Health in Ontario needs to look beyond depression and navigate further to helping those struggling with a narcissist. I have never returned to her and found so much more help with watching YT videos like this that have been a blessing to me and for that I am grateful and I want to thank you.

[@nashonharris7805]

Dealing with these types of people is so draining😢.

[@gemmas5962]

I was in a relationship with a narcissist and was gaslit to the point that I didn’t know who I was anymore. The best decision I made was to get out. Thank you Dr Ramani.

[@sholpan657]

I am so sorry! Same thing happened to me! But I am so grateful that it happened, because now I know how to handle that type of “people”

[@gemmas5962]

Totally! I can smell narcissists and manipulators from a mile off now. Won’t fall for that again!! Sorry to hear it happened to you too but I am glad you turned the experience into a positive one.

[@sholpan657]

@@gemmas5962 ❤️🙌🏼🙌🏼

[@dennyfie]

I was also I did not know what a narc.really was,iam very well educated on the topic now & stoll learning, it was strange.

[@flymetothemoon13]

After hearing this, it seems like my mother has traits from all those types of narcissism. The cherry on top, and what really opened my eyes to how narcissistic she is, was when she was upset about something I didn't want on my birthday that she wanted. She told me that my birthday should be HER birthday because she's the one that birthed me so she should get what she wanted that day. People say you should cut the ties to those relationships, but I'm so terrified to do that. Shes threatened harm to herself over lesser things, so I keep her in my life because I feel like I have to. It's so incredibly difficult.

[@gee7359]

This lady changed my life around a few years ago and honestly I've been living my better life since

[@bellamajor6671]

After my "situation-ship" with a narcissistic man ended in 2019 I was inexplicably on the verge of unaliving myself, I was in a deeeeep deep depression for months and months, I didnt know why THIS particular situation-ship made me feel this way as I'd had relationships end in the past, took a couple weeks to myself to reflect and then it was business as usual, this one was different. I then discovered Dr. Ramani's videos on KZbin and it all clicked, I realised I wasn't the problem, and she legit saved me, Thank you Dr. Ramani 🙏🏽💜

[@meredithheath5272]

❤❤❤

[@lifesmsstarry187]

Glad you're still here to share x

[@josed7576]

The use of "situation-ship" with quotes is very cringe but that's just me

[@bellamajor6671]

@@josed7576 I'm sorry my terminology is "cringe" to you but it's exactly what it was, a situation rather than a relationship. No relationship with a narcissist is real, hence the use of the term situation.

[@bellamajor6671]

@@lifesmsstarry187 💜

[@cccherri]

1:36:16 YES Dr Ramani! It's such a relief when she talked about how disappointing and painful it is for women who have been sexually assaulted because often times nothing meaningful gets done, while the woman continues hurting and dealing with the implications of that abuse. It's even more painful when the woman is blamed or gaslighted, and is falsely accused of lying about her experience. It's a hypocritical society that we live in really, because women will be asked "why didn't speak up about it?" or "why didn't you report it?" but once they do, it doesn't always lead to a positive outcome, and sometimes the victim ends up being blamed. So evil, it's happened to many women I know, and often times we just gather the strength to carry on with life while hurting, it's unfair

[@meredithheath5272]

Well said - and that is why those individuals get away with so much, bc they are expert at turning the tables on us - and in so many watmys and instances. (Even divorce attorneys are either stupid, don't care, or are just as nasty and fake as any other psychopath or narcissist - while grabbing your money!)

[@quantumvideoscz2052]

Curiously, this is one of the things men and women have in common. If you are a man are are SA'd (whether by a man or a woman), nobody will ever give a damn. I think we as a society globally don't do enough in this regard for SA victims.

[@paulstuart551]

I had a mother who was a malignant narcissist who belittled, would divide & conquer by false stories, go into sudden rages & play the victim as she pushed family away (including her mother who was wealthy, she blackmailed her over care then isolated & neglected her). All of her children developed various types from vulnerable to covert, I kept trying to make excuses for their behaviour but their traits are fixed & they don't want to change. I stupidly chose narcissistic partners, I thought love was something complicated that you had to earn & overlooked the kind simple relationships as shallow. In each case I kept my authenticity & called out the more controlling behaviours & ignored others which made them angry because truth made them look at their behaviour. In the end I found strict boundaries & removing them from my life was the only solution. it is pointless to maintain any contact as they don't want to change. I noticed that they are only superficially open to strangers, my mother used to freeze when you hugged her. Her final punishment was to leave us all out of her will. Dr Ramani is very insightful into their manipulations.

[@anabelamota2725]

Was more than 5 years ago that my 18 year old daughter at that time told me for the first time that her father was narcissist and recommended me Dr. Ramani's videos. I couldn't believe, my daughter was so right! Our live was a nightmare and still a nightmare because I thought that I could help him. Now that I realised how wrong I was and starting cutting as much as I can, I found my life in dangerous. I can't ask for help because I don't have any proves, I'm at the moment in a country were racism it's high and women are not protected as in UK. We lived in Uk for 10 year where I had help but my father blein me and told me to open the door again, what I did going against the protection service advice. I have been building a beautiful life for my children in the nature I'm feeding and caring 40 little 🐾 and my 2 children, so calling to my brother when things become dangerous have been my salvation.

[@maxspears6030]

It’s so nice reading the comments, knowing I’m not the only one benefiting from Dr. Ramani’s work. I’m so grateful for her persistence. 💝

[@meredithheath5272]

❤❤❤❤

[@user-bo9vf3py2w]

Fascinating video, Let's stop taking relationship and family for granted. I have battled depression since my wife left me. I have tried all I can to make her see that I love her with everything I am made of but she has insisted on leaving. This has made me so empty, and I do not know what to do. I can barely function properly at work. I am frustrated and miserable. I really miss her.

[@MalcolmM.Stanton-hy4jb]

Your pain resonates with me. Letting go of someone dear to your heart is an immense challenge. I found myself in a comparable situation when my 12-year-long relationship ended, and I struggled to accept it. Despite my efforts to reconcile, I eventually turned to a spiritual counsellor for guidance, which eventually led to a reunion. I'm now filled with joy

[@user-bo9vf3py2w]

I'm keen on meeting the counsellor you're talking about. What steps should I take?

[@MalcolmM.Stanton-hy4jb]

Online, you'll find shelly renee white, revered for her expertise as a spiritual counsellor. She has the ability to reunite couples and promote holistic well-being.

[@user-bo9vf3py2w]

Thank you for this information. I have just looked her up on Google. impressive.

[@dennyfie]

Hang in brother it takes time,it's very painful.best to you

[@aj788]

She saved my life!!! I have a narcissist sister and I had no idea what I was dealing with. I cried for help so long but no one listened to me as she said "you are so lucky to have such a sister"... I now cut all my communication with her and I never felt so happy and free in my life! I pray with Dr.Ramani for opening the doors for me day and night! 🙏 Please continue what you do, we all need you. ❤️

[@christophershawn2557]

I give all praise to the Most High God for all He has kept me through. I can also give props where they are due. Dr. Ramani is so fire. 🔥 Her work has been tantamount in my healing and recovery. And this show, Stephen, you and your team are doing a phenomenal job. Keep it going up. Much blessings.

[@jKDC1987]

Dr R-saved my life 3 years ago. She’s amazing! I adore her, I often think how many people she’s saved and doesn’t even know the impact she’s had on people’s lives. Still healing, but I’m awake and free !!

[@kalonjeebless]

I swear bro. That's woman is a life saver. I dream to meet her one day

[@dynamic9560]

I absolutely love seeing all the comments from people whose lives have been changed for the better thanks to Dr. Ramani - mine included! ❤

[@meredithheath5272]

❤❤❤

[@charlesthedeadlifter4376]

I work with 4 Narcissists. 3 guys and one girl. I don't speak to any of them. I'm an empath and I can spot them a mile away. They know that I know they are narcissists and they are petty.

[@lisastenzel5713]

Wow... jealous of the skill of spotting them...and sorry for you to have to spend the day surrounded like that. You got thick skin👍

[@lanazaspana]

At 1:38:01... I felt it so deeply. It's her eyes, compressed lips, body posture, trembling... You know it when you see it, if you've ever been there. She is soldiering through it courageously. And I just want to hug her tightly and say "You are safe now".❤

[@debbridges564]

Part of my healing and recovery. Thank you for info on how to spot the difference: Non-Narcissistic is able to 1) Take accountability; 2) Make Amends & own their Behavior; 3) True Change of behavior and action. Every.Single.Time I listen, I learn. Thank you

[@SherStug]

Would love to hear more about covert narcissism, thats the toughest form out there is my experience. These type of narcissists do the "apologies" etc. but its just tactic to control you and keep you stuck in the relationship! This subject needs more attention because its super damaging!

[@wordsretainpower6250]

Yup. Pretty sure my mom is a Covert narc.

[@1timeslime971]

Yah, I’m suspecting my spouse of 39years now is covert narc, or community narc….Since covid and my husband is ALWAYS working at home now, seldom leaves the house; I’ve like, wow HOW could I have been married to him all these years yet not really know him. I often ‘feel’ a change in him. He’ll be so very generous in doing good deeds, serving, bubbly behavior, positive etc etc. but then later that SAME day, untalkative, short fused, almost so unresponsive to ME, that I think he’s ‘gone’, or I worry he’s sick. When in

[@bereal6590]

Covert/vulnerable imo the qorst because we feel bad for them and sacrifice ourselves

[@kiwicatnip]

Yeah. That’s part of why I don’t feel like Dr Ramani should be considered “the leading expert” on NPD. She has a pretty rudimentary/one dimensional explanation of what a narcissist is/how they behave. They aren’t always outwardly grandiose or obvious. And in many cases it’s the more covert and subtle forms of abuse that can do the most damage. If you’re looking for someone who delves more into this I would look into Professor Sam Vaknin on youtube or look at George K. Simon’s channel on manipulative people and covert abusers(he calls it “character disturbed” but he is talking about covert narcissism through and through).

[@SherStug]

@@kiwicatnipYup, big fan of those two! 💯👌🏾

[@Sufferfish]

Learnt so much from this women a couple years ago. Helped me understand and accept a horrible relationship I had with a narc. I was able to get closure from learning what a narcissist is. Knowledge is power

[@user-jb7pn9bm8w]

My spouse ( Narcissist) has yet been able to answer my questions of curiosity about how HE FELT in situations in his childhood. I asked him once, Have you EVER…in your whole life told someone the whole,complete truth?? Never did get a vocal response from him however the look on his face….?? Spoke volumes.😮

[@SherStug]

Im a survivor of having to deal with narcissism from a young age and when it comes to finding people who are not toxic in order to balance out having to deal with narcissism in our society is really hard to find those people is my experience. Thats why Im a happy loner. When alone I experience so much Peace! Thank you dr. Ramani and big hug because I notice you were having a bit of a hard time going back to your darkest days! Love you!

[@jessicasevilla2529]

I'm so excited to listen to this. I love Dr. Ramani. My assistant manager is a narcissist, and trying to instill doubt in my manager. Now my manager doesn't trust me or my assistant manager, instead of just the person who's actually lying. So wild how narcissists can twist stories to benefit them.

[@farhatf7046]

Past life in an an just harem can change relations woman - woman . You can see that in countries like China , Corea. They give one woman more than the other's.

[@StephanieSoressi]

Dr. Ramani held up a light so that I could navigate the darkness. I believe that thousands of people could say the same thing. My wish for her is that if she ever goes through a rough spot in future, she can take comfort at how many people she has helped, even pulled away from the ledge they were going to jump from. May all the gods she doesn't believe in bless her anyway.

[@Hbz021]

After my last narcissistic relationship I found myself questioning everything. Not only my partner’s behaviors, but my own personality traits and what I considered to be reality (which was actively being distorted ). Some soul searching and internet research led me to Dr. Ramani’s books and videos, which brought about some very much needed clarification and insight. That kick started my journey of self improvement and self confidence. Amazingly enough the suggested video algorithm eventually led me to DOAC. To now see two of the most inspiring people that have helped me immeasurably, come together like this is amazing. Thank you both for everything you do.

[@ginnyhaines9261]

I was drugged and attacked in college in 1970. I literally had PTSD and nightmares after that. The university was no help, and I blamed myself. I was not the same after that, but it originally led me into social work, because I didn’t want anyone else to go through something like that alone. I wish I could say that things have gotten better, and they have to a certain degree but not enough.

[@NatzTalk]

So sorry you went through this. You deserved better and more support but good on you for turning it into positive to help others.😍💛💪🏾

[@sagaponic]

I’m so sorry that happened to you. Thank you for sharing. It helps people understand the magnitude of sexual assault, how widespread and how damaging. I wish Steven had acknowledged this when Dr Ramani shared her story so bravely.

[@katryk94]

I was raised by a mother with NPD and father with DPD. My mother told me that I am hopeless and that I will work in McDonald's until 70. I dropped out 6 courses because I believed I am unintelligent and not capable of learning. Finally, I graduated Bachelor of Archeology at 29 l but I am devastated because I destroyed my potential.

[@sagaponic]

No you didn’t. Feel proud. Many of us face adversity and that is not fair, but it is a huge achievement.

[@katryk94]

@@sagaponic Thank you very much. I live in Poland, so here is completely different approach to mental health and family life. I would like to get a Master Degree in Archaeology but I am so sad because I am 30 now and I should have done it earlier, before 25

[@treaty8631]

You were given the situation that you were given and you conquered the narcissist abuse ..you have nothing but to be proud.

[@Tinuola]

Unfortunately, many Nigerian parents are narcissists. Thanks to Dr Ramani for continuously educating us on this personality disorder.

[@m2pozad]

Guess what, you are Nigerian. Migrating changes very little for a long time.

[@mothmos]

Asian parents too boy oh boy, especially the 'men' (or manchildren actually).

[@moreen7459]

I'm intrigued. That's alot of people. Please say more. I understand for a certrain class of Nigerian family, wealth and status at any cost is more important than empathising with others in their country who are not so well off but that's universal

[@Tinuola]

@@moreen7459 Nigeria is a good breeding ground for narcissists to thrive considering our money-worshipping culture. Most narcissistic parents feel threatened by their kids' success and would do anything to stop it. Personality disorders are universal, but it's worse in Nigeria because most people aren't aware this is a disorder in the first place.

[@moreen7459]

You highlighting the environmental and cultural context - the breeding ground and parental jealousy are strong points@@Tinuola

[@tifyboo7857]

I had to paused this sooo many times. I looked up Narcissist online 2yrs ago coming out of an intense relationship I ended and came across Dr. Ramani. She has been such a help to keep me from going back to a relationship I craved and also despised.

[@meredithheath5272]

❤❤❤

[@fustino5]

I live in a small country FULL of them. Its gotten to the point that its actually - boring. People asking me "why don't you speak" and when I answer "you haven't asked me anything" they are the silent one.

[@Jennifermcintyre]

Yikes!! It seems like here in the US it’s an epidemic!! I guess it’s everywhere 🤦‍♀️

[@sunshinesunshine6130]

Ha, I'm sure you're talking about NZ!

[@claracigan235]

100%. If you've been around narcissists long enough and actually managed to come back to yourself, then after some time all it is.... is boring, predictable and a little bit pathetic.

[@i.ehrenfest349]

Which country would that be?

[@fustino5]

​@@i.ehrenfest349 Bulgaria. Some people have a strong sense of entitlement. Sometimes its better not to call out their bs.

[@tonyar8545]

Just left the company with the narcissistic boss. Everything was exactly like Dr Ramani says. So grateful for her work ❤️

[@Pollycat15]

Good luck! Hope you find yourself in a better situation job wise in future. 😊

[@KiKi-te9yd]

Ramani helped me immensely to identify, come out of, and to heal from a horribly narcissisticly abusive relationship. I will be forever grateful that information was available, as without it I would have blamed myself in every way. Thank you Ramani.

[@AmbrosiaK]

What Dr. Ramani has put into perspective for me is incalculable. A million thankyous for helping us heal.

[@bas9577]

This was so informative. I was in a relationship with a narcissist, it was for half a year, but it absolutely broke me and even damaged my family a bit. I hope as many people as possible will see this and learn from it.

[@meredithheath5272]

I am so glad you were very smart to "get out" after only a few months - good for you!! ❤❤ I was in the "relationship" for over 40 years of abuse. I only got educated only a few years ago.

[@thisismetoday]

I’m sorry this happened to you, Dr Ramani. Glad you are supported by therapy. Thank you for talking about it openly.

[@sarai8083]

The question for the next guest when you asked Dr. Ramani was deep. I felt the dept of her answer. It made me tear. DR. RAMANI, I DONT FEEL SO ALONE WHEN I HEAR YOU! THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR WORK.

[@allthingsnewlife]

Dr Ramani ❤ "whatever you did for the least of these, you did it for me". Thank you for everything 🙏🏻

[@lecruset]

Dr. Ramani helped me to identify a narcissistic partner very early in the relationship. Saved me so much time and potential negativity.

[@meredithheath5272]

❤ Glad you were educated! Many of us older folks did not know about this type of abuse - yes - we knew "there was something wrong" but we minimized everything, esp. because we didn't have names for the abuse, such as "narcissist supply"; "projection"; "victim blaming"; " gaslighting"; etc., etc. Now, since we have been educated, we are "armed".

[@annagolden]

Doctor Ramani is a rock star on this topic. She delivers such a concise and digestible verbal portrait on the matter and it's been of tremendous help for me. Thanks so much for having her on.

[@saffyre6534]

I was so thrilled to see Dr Ramani on your show. She's amazing and has helped me understand a lot of the behaviour in past relationships I've encountered and helped me be more aware of how I treat other people in my life too. Once you see it, you can't unsee it.

[@deanshort9011]

Dr Ramani, I feel compelled to add my admiration and infinite appreciation for your ability to have mastered this subject and suggest actionable ways to navigate a path away from, out of, and ultimately avoid narcs when we encounter them. In response to the question posed by the previous guest, I admire your bravery, your resilience, your authenticity, and offer as well a warm, compassionate, humane, hug for what you courageously shared with the audience. Those fortunate enough to see this interview will be enriched by the valuable and priceless road map you offer survivors of narc abuse. Thank you.

[@madapro03]

I was married to one but I didn't know how to label it. Before deciding getting out of that marriage I asked myself often "who am I?" because I have been turned in a totally different person. I had no friend, no social life, he almost succeded to separate me from my family. I wasn't allowed to dress nicely, he constantly acused me of having an afair and I felt so helpless because no matter the proof or argument he was convinced. He, on the other side, was very careful with his looks. He was always better than others, always condescending. Luckily I am a resilient person and I freed myself from that relationship that wasted 9 years from my life. But opposite from what Dr. Durvasula said he was not overly charming, sparkly and sucessful, he had this very hurt person / victim attitude. The way he spoke about his ex-girlfriend should have been enough for me to run for the hills but I was too young back then and very naive. I had to learn the hard way.

[@Irisgomesjmjfaith]

That's a covert narcissist. Sounds like my husband.

[@ANewHuman]

Doctor Ramani is such an excellent communicator of her field. I've enjoyed her content for years, and was really excited to click on this. The examples she used and the ways she talks about this subject is so fresh, and even though I've followed her work for a long time, I'm so impressed with how engaging she can still make it.

[@lisadehner3094]

Thank you for always asking the best questions and making the interview a worthwhile expenditure of time.

[@Bonbon-C]

I have been following Dr. Ramani for years..... clearly the best in the field. No one even comes close.... no one!

[@thowl7065]

Regret is huge in this life after narc relationships. I'm 60 and have no family because both my daughters took after my partner. It sucks to be me, but my daughters aren't living good lives either, they just are unable to not hurt everyone around them. My grandchildren don't have me to show them the things my grandparents taught me, they lost a whole generation of knowledge. My daughters wouldn't listen, pay attention, or try to learn anything from me because my ex kept constant chaos going and made me look weak and unimportant.

[@Hestyjka2]

Thank you for this episode - I'm a psychologist myself so the topic isn't all that new to me; however I'm absolutely astonished by how informative it was (though easy to process at the same time) and by the captivating manner of presenting it that Dr. Durvasula has. Great stuff!

[@orielwiggins2225]

I cannot say enough how much I appreciate your interview skills and the authenticity and compassion and genuine human - ness you bring to the table, not to mention the fantastic questions that go beyond the typical book sales promo circuit stereotypical ones. And when you bring on such guests with important and impactful work👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽... Thank you!

[@user-qd5lm7sy5w]

I truly appreciate Dr Ramani's work. If it's not for her, I would still be living in the darkest place, chance upon her youtube channel in 2022 and it gave me so so much help and awareness. I am now able to disengage, to response with awareness without turning myself to become his "supply". I'm thankful to her.

[@alisonsneed3707]

Dr. Ramani is one of the most articulate people I’ve ever witnessed. She even has command of the colloquial ways people say things (she uses words from current language that is almost slang. So expressive! Fast talkers intrigue me too, not a dull moment, I learned quite a bit about a topic I thought I was pretty well versed in.

[@Pollycat15]

Love the fact that more and more people are becoming aware and supporting each other in the comments sections of these videos.

[@vg___]

one of the best choices for your show to bring Dr Ramani! She's truly a one of a kind person to listen to for mental health awareness and advice! great episode!

[@eloisefourie4848]

I cannot wait to read your book, you have made me look back at my life and take control over what has happened to me, I see things clearly now!!! Thank you Dr Ramani!!!!!!❤❤❤

[@wephotogal]

Thank you for this. I, too, am a survivor and so lucky to have gotten out. It's like they chisel away at you over time tearing you down. I have so many awful stories, the gaslighting, talking badly about me to his friends and coworkers (things that weren't true,) telling me to meet him at his work when I got off my shift, pulling up in my car and he comes out and screams at me that I am stalking him and don't trust him. I went to lunch with a girlfriend and when we walked out of the restaurant, he was waiting outside. Scary stuff! So glad I have my life back! Thank you for talking about this serious matter.

[@luizlunkes3992]

It’s also about preventing harm, preventing emocional violence, avoiding enablement of emocional violence…. not just about healing and saving lives.

[@kalonjeebless]

Dr. Ramani is so clever and well learned in her field. She is just the best expert

[@explorermike19]

The description and definition of narcissist is so broad that nearly anybody could be classified as a narcissist. Everybody who thinks their ex is a narcissist, has an ex who thinks the other person is a narcissist.

[@AlvinKazu]

That's what Ramani wants... To confuse her viewers so they will constantly watch her, be angry, etc, etc. I learned nothing from her but to just be angry. I didn't heal until I found real therapists here on YT who had experience with childhood abuse(which is my case). Essentially, most Narcs have a LACK OF EMPATHY issue, as well as a "KNOW IT ALL and I'M THE GREATEST" attitude. I agree that many of these people seem to have had 1 experience with a narc lover and that ruined their life and they are trying to learn about this person and they believe some narc traits make them a narc. Sure it can be bad, but you(these people) grew up in a, I assume, healthy home.... Many of us grew up in abuse, neglect, chaos, and we have no clue what is right.

[@LanguidAndBittersweet]

No, she doesn't want to confuse her viewers. I find her to be crystal clear. You were confused by her.

[@LanguidAndBittersweet]

I don't think the definition is overly broad. I think that people who have been hurt in relationships are looking for reasons why it didn't work out, and find it convenient to attach the criteria of a narcissist to the person who hurt them - even though it's being assigned incorrectly since the assigner isn't a behavioral scientist. If this was a video about sociopaths with that criteria discussed, the results would be the same.

[@explorermike19]

@@LanguidAndBittersweet good point.