German Childhood 🇩🇪 What GERMANS SAY A Self-Reliant Childhood is Like | Part 2

[@eva_annety]

In fact in our old neighborhood, where we lived when I was a Teen, there was an very old and sick widower, who used to open the shutters of his house every day at 7am and closed them at 10pm over years like a clockwork. One day in the morning the shutters didn't open. Only 10 minutes later some of our neighbors climbed the balcony and broke into the house to look for him. He was actually lying in his house and had a heart attack. He survived because the neighbors reacted so quickly. As a Teen, I found this social control terrible, but this event made me appreciate it.

[@kiliipower355]

When I moved into my first flat, I forgot to put up the blinds at the weekend. A short time later, the first neighbours came to the door and asked if everything was all right. That was over 30 years ago. And today? My son has no idea who his neighbours are.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Wow that’s truly a community caring for one another. What a great story, thank you for sharing!

[@ClaudiaG.1979]

i made the same experience.. in my old neighborhood lived an old man. every morning he received the newspaper. one day he didnt pick it up and some of the neighbors broke into his house.. sadly they found him dead lying on the floor next to his bed. As a teen i was really annoyed about my neighbours. they always knew who was with me, which friend i brought home and yes, they even told my parents when i was behaving wrong.. but now, i really appreciate my neighbourhood because we take all care of eachother.. one time they even called the police because some burglar tried to break in my house when me and my husband werent at home.. by the way.. is this your last name ? mine too :-)

[@kathrin3961]

A Bolzplatz is a space to play football. They are often just a meadow with two goals and it is free to enter so you don‘t need permission of a Verein for example.

[@Force-Majeure]

Actually, it´s soccer if you try to explain it to people from the USA

[@ThePixel1983]

@@Force-Majeure True. And the 800m mentioned in the video would probably translate to half a mile.

[@helloweener2007]

@@Force-Majeure Football is a stupid name for the US sport because you usually don't play it with your foot and the ball has no ball shape. :-D

[@peterkoller3761]

@@helloweener2007 should be called hand-egg.

[@paulguth12]

"bolzen" is also colloquial for sloppily playing football (soccer), e.g. if you are just kicking the ball as hard as you can in the general direction of the goal.

[@swanpride]

Regarding the crime rate: It's the lowest since the 1990s. It's not impossible that something happens to your child, but honestly, it is more likely that they are in a car accident while you drive them to school. Statistically speaking.

[@Steuben1978]

No wonder we are living in rapidly aging society. Crime is for the most part a problem of younger people. At least when it comes to violent criminal offenses. The frontal lobe of the human is not fully matured until 25.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Wow that is awesome!! I need to learn more about why Germany is getting safer. Do you know why? Fascinating.

[@steffenrosmus9177]

@@MyMerryMessyGermanLife Germany was always safe compared to the US. One reason is limited allowance for guns. During our vacations in the US during the last 30 years I was robbed 3 times, during the same time living in Germany = 0. Another one is that policeforce in Germany is trained for 3 years before entering the street instead of 5 - 6 month in the US.

[@thorstenkoethe]

@@MyMerryMessyGermanLife I think there are two important things we do: 1) social safety (this includes health care, money to pay for food and a home); 2) try to make crimanals to a neighbor you might live with (when so. goes to jail from the first day we try to show them that a life without criminal actions is possible and is a better way to live).

[@swanpride]

@@MyMerryMessyGermanLife Actually, most developed countries are getting "saver"...that is partly a natural development due to the police having a way easier time catching culprits, while at the same time living standards are rising across the board, meaning people have less reasons to turn to crime. Especially in a country like Germany, with a pretty good social safety net. I mean, an old joke is that "Breaking Bad" would have ended after the first episode if it had been set in Germany. Stricter gun laws are also helpful, though don't midunderstood this point: There are actually a lot of guns in the country, legal as well as illegal ones. But it is culturally frowned upon to brag having one, it is outright forbidden to carry one around nilly willy and criminals know that they are so much worse off if they fire a weapon, so even during an arrest it might not even occur to them to use a gun, while in the US, with the three strike laws and the often brutal police, using the gun is basically a logical reflex in the mind of a criminal.

[@myknife_life]

There‘s no opposite between self reliance and sense of community because only if you can be responsible for yourself and act in a reasonable way you can take resonsibility for others. So teaching our kids self reliance is a way to strengthen our community.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Good point!

[@renehartung8877]

@@MyMerryMessyGermanLife I would even say both belong together. Community without self reliance is a flock of sheep while without community you get self reliant egoistical a**holes and their victims.

[@butcheromance]

This probably isn't as relevant to you two yet because your kids are still younger but from my experience, this "let them roam" attitude continues into adolescence - and to non-German parents, that might be utterly terrifying. From all I can gather about US parents, they appear to be very concerned about what their teenagers wear, don't want them to date, they aren't legally allowed into clubs... For me and my friends in 2010s Lower Saxony, there was very little "You're not going out dressed like that!" or "No boys until you're 18!" I'm from a moderately conservative background and when I was 16, I was going to concerts and festivals, sometimes several hours away from my home town, and would have been allowed to drink there (though I've never been interested in alcohol). My parents mostly let me wear what I wanted, including eccentric subculture fashion and never interfered with or commented on my sex life, aside from making sure I understand safe sex and consent. I often took the train to visit people I was dating a couple towns over and stayed the night or the weekend. I imagine that for most parents - but maybe especially US-American ones - the thought of their kid making out with someone at a dingy punk rock concert and taking public transport to get home in the middle of the night is very scary. But look: If they can do that safely at 16, then you have raised a very competent child. And when they go off to college in two years, it'll console you to know that they've used a condom before, they know their reaction to alcohol, and if shit hits the fan, they'd probably still call you because they know you won't freak out.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

I love this comment!! You totally get it. Yes, this is not a common way to raise a teenager in the US. There are some parents who maybe would allow these things but across the country, I wouldn’t say that it’s common. But also, because drinking at 16 is legal in Germany but illegal in the USA, parents and teenagers both can get into trouble with the police. And public transportation is terrible unless you’re in a major city like NYC or Boston, so yeah, kids wouldn’t be taking a train home in the middle of the night! Haha.

[@andreaweber8059]

@@MyMerryMessyGermanLife I grew up in a city in the Rhein-Main-Region, and want to second @Kim 's post and also add something: A teenager who rarely ever drinks Alcohol at 16 or does not want to would have little to no (in my case no) problem with his peers. A teenager whose parents forbid it, on the other hand.....well, if his friends are the very well-behaved crowd, everyone would just agree that the parents are nuts and pitty said teenager. But if you are never allowed to do what all your friends are doing (and alcohol is about the smallest problem I would guess....) - well at some point that teenager simply is not taken seriously anymore.

[@ABa-ve3ul]

American parents are in general way more caring parents than most German parents

[@ABa-ve3ul]

@@andreaweber8059 that shows how bad those German laws are in that regards. Irresponsible just like many German parents and many teenagers in Germany are pretty much alcoholics in adolescence/puberty due to that

[@andreaweber8059]

@@ABa-ve3ul The "German teenagers are often alcoholics" is just not true. I am guessing an American teenager has 3 possibilities: a) drinking illegally when still under 21 (bad idea for several reasons) and then having a difficult time telling anyone about it if things go wrong (say, drank too much) b)never drink at all (ok, that would work, but I guess most people are not teatotalers) c) start drinking when it is legal, so 21 or older. Meaning, having your first experience with alcohol at a time when you are supposed to be grown up (maybe already moved out to say, college), with parents miles away, so no grown-up there to help if anything goes wrong. Besides, if you do have a minor screw-up when first drinking (say, drinking too much and then embark on some youthful prank), that minor screw-up is not youthful nonsense but an adult's deed (over 21). Not ideal in my opinion.

[@Miristzuheiss]

The Schnitzel disaster left deep wounds🤣😅 Thanks for your interresting and reflecing thougts, its like a comunication with Friends. A happy sunny sunday to all🌻

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Yes, the schnitzel disaster! 🤣 Kevin and I thought it was funny, good thing we can laugh at ourselves or we’d not be on KZbin!

[@oberoneledthar3782]

When my daughter was in Kindergarten, around 5 Years old (2009), the whole Group spent a Week in Terschelling, an Island in Holland, we are from NRW. They had so much fun together. The parents were asked not to call all the time, since the kids could get homesick if they always were in contact with their parents. To be honest, I think it was harder for the parents than for the kids to be away from each other ^^

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Wow very cool! I hope our kids’ schools will do these kinds of things. We arrived during the middle of a COVID lockdown, so we just haven’t been able to see what life is really like here without a pandemic.

[@ABa-ve3ul]

What would you have done if you found out your little 5 child and other kids were molest. or even ra*ed during that trip that you allowed it to go on without their parents?! But you seem to naive/ignorant to even think of that. These type of low IQ/ignorant/naive comments are so infuriating

[@Korinthe0203]

Wow , Selbstständigkeit.....super pronounced👍 I will tell you, what my Granny said to me, when I was a little girl: "Sweeetie, if you are a mom some day, give your children roots and wings, mentally and physically, never a cage. And through the years, let the wind beneath their wings go stronger and stronger, so they can fly confidently out to the world, when the time has come. And don`t be scare, they will come back, cause they will never forget where their roots are." She must have told my mom this story, cause my childhood was free and lucky. And today, my grandchildren have deep roots and huge wings. You see, it can be so simple. Big hugs for you, including the cat, from the north of Germany.

[@fw5218]

Wow, so many comments! Nice. I'm late for this one, and can think of a lot to contribute (maybe I will later), but one thing came to mind instantly: I have the utmost respect for how you are dealing with this move, with the new environment, with a different, but also similar, culture. It remains a pleasure being allowed to come along. Also, you have the wisdom to read through 300 comments and still pick out what benefits you. 300 Germans, 300 opinions - but I never worry that you just take everything at face value. See, you're becoming wise already! That's what living somewhere completely new can do. I continue to love it.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Thank you so much!! 🙏🏻❤️ We receive the kindest comments and are very grateful.

[@ingevonschneider5100]

Self-reliance in Germany means also emotinally self-reliance. That doesnt mean that you as a parent shouldnt support your child and give comfort if the situation needs to be addressed. But as a teacher I see more and more parents who wants to fight their child`s fights, who interfere in frienship and minor conflicts e.g. That leaves the child emotinally unstable and even more prone to bullying.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Ooo yes, good point.

[@christiankastorf1427]

Yes, those little a**holes will be as mean as they can because daddy's lawyers will always help them out.

[@dnocturn84]

Not just that. Bullied children will miss oportunities to learn how to fight themselves out of those situations, like you just said, but bullying children will also miss to learn their limits, when daddy prevents them to face the consequences of their doings. Both is bad for developing social skills and becoming a grown up.

[@ingevonschneider5100]

@@dnocturn84 I am not sure if I agree. Bullying is a serious problem and the child needs help. I am talking about normal conflicts and not about a systematically teased child.

[@CHarlotte-ro4yi]

That’s such a good point and one that I can personally relate since I see the difference it makes in (young) adulthood. My parents tried as much as they possibly could to stay out of the battles we were fighting (not without giving us guidance and advice though) while my aunt took over a lot of battles for my cousin who now that we all are in our twenties seems to be much less confident in taking her own decisions and relies on constant validation from others.

[@roesi1985]

Wow, I really love this video. Not only the comments, which you picked very well and were very insightful, but also your own thoughts and explanations. You really try to get to the bottom of things. Maybe that's why it's such a joy to watch your videos. And I think it's also the reason why you seem to transition so easily into a new culture. I think you are the first American KZbinrs I've seen who came to Germany and really tried to understand the reasons for doing things differently instead of being astonished or even complaining about the cultural differences.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Thank you so much! Yes we love to know the why behind different cultures. And also the history is really fascinating.

[@madrooky1398]

Kids are simply the greatest scientists and explorers. They are unbiased and curious, and they want to explore and figure things out. And even if things went wrong or they break things, its part of the learning process. In my view the job of parents is simply to support this journey, not to prevent it. Like when a little child breaks something, insteat of punishment it deserves an explanation. And if done well childs learn from very early on to be responsible. Punishment only teaches to endure pain.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

We agree completely! Love your comment.

[@peterkoller3761]

if you punish a child for doing something potentially dangerous all they learn is watch out so you won´t see them do it.

[@helgaioannidis9365]

My mother would forbid things that were dangerous and explain why they were forbidden. She knew we would do it anyways, but that we'd also be very careful while doing it. Sometimes things went wrong and we came home crying, all wet, with one shoe missing and things like that and she'd say "what have you learned from this?". I hated this question so much, because she forced me to think about my actions and about my part of responsibility in what had happened. Taught me to be brave enough to take responsibility for what I do.

[@madrooky1398]

@@helgaioannidis9365 I had a whole lot of failed parenting in my childhood. Once my father discovered a hidden stash of stolen toys from my brother and me (12 and 9yo). Then he wanted to teach us a lesson by leaving us alone in a forest. He drove away with the words that we had time now to think about what we've done. That was something different from the normal beating. But my older brother knew where we were, we walked the few kilometers to the nearby lake and had a fun day there. It was around sunset when a policecar came, two policemen and my father. I guess he taught himself a lesson and had a lot to explain how he lost us, but i dont know what he learned... perhaps that parenting sucks...

[@helgaioannidis9365]

@@madrooky1398 sounds awful 😭 My parents never hit us. They were supportive, caring and knew how to put boundaries without making us lose trust in them. I hope you could still make a happy life out of your father's parenting skills ❤️

[@gluteusmaximus1657]

Nice to see you in good spirit! Back in the 1970ies, i had a girlfriend that was the daughter of a US Army officer. She told me about her childhood in a wealthy suburb of Dallas. Every move outside the parents property was done by car. The parents thought even the "good neighbours" could be threat. She found it absolutely amazing to walk through a forest or take a bath in a river. I learned a lot from this girl. Especially about the american fear that there is "something out there that wants to get you". My granny was about like that. The bogie man under the bed and other freaking stuff. I checked - and there was none! So, this girl saw with her own eyes, there is nothing to fear - but fear! Good for your kids that you give them the chance to develope, find their limits and grow up in a more natural way. They will surely pass this on to their kids if they consider that is was a positive way to grow up. Enjoy the summer and the Johannis Beeren. Try to make some wine or juice out of them! At least one of neighbours will know how to do this.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Wow and that was in the 70’s! Things are more free in the countryside of the US, but the kids can’t go anywhere without a car. But they can totally roam free in the woods, well, if they own property or live near a state or National park.

[@Trollmulle]

Please, please do Stockbrot with your kids! The dough is so easy to make (and much healthier than smores :) ) You and your kids will have very much fun!

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

I think we are definitely going to after reading the comments here in this video! Our kids really would love it.

[@veronikam3836]

It really depends on where in Germany you live. In my opinion, traffic is the biggest concern, when it comes to kids' safety, not crime. We live in a big city, so I walk my kids to school, but I never drive them. The older one, who just turned nine, is allowed to walk home alone, because there is less traffic in the afternoon than in the morning. She is allowed to play in a park nearby with her friends, but I cross the street we live on with her and then she continues on her own. I wish we lived in a quieter neighbourhood so that my kids could enjoy more freedom, but it really depends on the traffic situation, how much you can allow.

[@gaedingar9791]

In third or fourth grade, we learned in school, how the reclamation of new land at the German north coast works, with dams and so on. A few weeks later, we went on a class trip to the sea.On day at the beach, the whole class started to build such a construction in a small scale near the coast line and succeeded to defend it against the incoming tide. The teachers canceled the whole programm planned for that afternoon, because they were thrilled of us, to try out what we had just learned. And of course, working together at a group. Before we left the beach one teacher made a foto of us and the dam for our "Heimat- und Sachkunde" (social studies, I think) teacher, who was quite touched when he got that foto.

[@wimschoenmakers5463]

Good topic. We in the Netherlands call those parents "Buzzard parents" who are 24/7 hovering over their children to prevent them from getting in trouble. The outcome is always that those kids never learn to solve their own problems or learn boundaries because Mommy or Daddy will fix it for them.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Buzzard parents 🤣

[@ThePixel1983]

@@MyMerryMessyGermanLife I heard Canadians call them "curling parents" which is just the perfect image: Two people frantically running and scrubbing to even out the way in front of their kid.

[@soanalaichnam344]

@@MyMerryMessyGermanLife Here in Germany we call them Helikoptereltern, because they are hovering over the children all the time

[@BaluDerBaer933]

Actually totally strange that we had that in the 80s and 90s in Germany and now it develops into the total opposite direction... which is nice! ;-)

[@flower_power]

Or curling parents, like the sport curling. The parents broom every problem away

[@wigglinbrow]

In 2005, I was still an elementary school student. Since we lived in a small village, everything was very far away. (Far away by German standards, of course...) But since I had a ballet class in the next bigger city, my parents explained to me which bus I had to take from my school there. If I was ever unsure, I should ask another adult. The so-called "Stranger Danger" was no problem for my parents. In fact, they were more afraid that I would bother the strangers with my chatter, since I was quite a chatterbox.

[@olivierdastein2604]

The "stranger danger" might be exaggerated, but also the risk is obviously different is a stranger address a kid and if the kid address a stranger. The stranger talking to the kid might have bad motivations, but there's no reason why a random person that the kid begins to ask about something would be a criminal.

[@rmoenmjea]

There are many parts of my german childhood that I remember very fondly. For example my neighborhood felt very much like its own little community... Everyone was looking out for each other. I remember one morning when I was like 12 years old my mum had to leave for work earlier than I had to for school so I made my way to the bus stop but after waiting for quite some time I realized that the bus I needed wasn't coming (I think due to bad weather). I freaked out for a little bit because I hated getting to school late but I thought about what I could do and went knocking at my neighbors door who drove me to school in his pyjamas 😂 It was nice knowing you would never be turned away at the door when you needed help

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Oh I love this story! Drove you to school in pajamas. Yes, that’s true community.

[@rmoenmjea]

Also my chilhood was very dependent on the trust my mom could have in me. We lived right next to a big and busy road, no fence no nothing since I was like 4 years old. I loved the house, the garden and the children there and when we moved in my mom had a very stern talk with me that if she ever was to see me on that road or crossing it without her we would IMMEDIATELY move out. I crossed the street one time when I was like 8 due to being teased by older boys from the neighborhood and I felt so guilty that I couldn't sleep in the evening so I went and confessed, totally ready to move out but mom saw that there was no way I would ever do that again and just thanked me for being honest with her😅

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

@@rmoenmjea what a great story! Love it. Sounds like you had a really good mom.

[@wurzelkraxler]

Here comes the recipe for "Stockbrot": 500g flour, 1/4 cube of yeast, pinch of salt, pinch of sugar, approx. 1/4 liters of water, 2 tbsp of olive oil (basically a pizza dough). Wrap it around a stick and roast above a fire. We often do this at the end of our workshops for children (and teens or adults as well). Everybody loves it. If you want, serve with herb butter.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

This is awesome! Thank you! Our kids will love this!

[@lena700]

We also often made it with sweet things like Nutella. But make sure it's done enough and smaller kids often put it direktly in to the flame and burned it you have to look out for that.

[@sisuguillam5109]

@@MyMerryMessyGermanLife or use Quark-Ölteig. That way you do not have to wait for dough to raise - and it is really easy to make.

[@hch1821]

Even easier is using crescent roll dough from the supermarket. Stick should be green wood.

[@marcomobson]

To me it was also great to spend part of my childhood in the fields and woods climbing, looking for caves, crafting bows with my knife or at a brook building little dams and hunting frogs...! 🤩 But when there are times for tv, I'd recommend "Die Sendung mit der Maus" a series which is made by the WDR since decades and besides nice cartoons explains to chidren e.g. how things are produced or the series "Löwenzahn" which is also quite good (for tv) from a pedagogical perspective... 😉

[@greyblue7400]

That's really a great video. The aspect you are talking about of combining a "Community feeling" with self reliance here in Germany is something I never thougt about before. This really got me thinking about that topic. Thanks for the Video!

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

We love the community feeling here in Germany!

[@MichelleBln]

Even in bigger cities children are pretty independent. I grew up in Berlin and from the age of 10 I would visit my grandmother on my own. Before I left I called her to let her know I’m on my way. Than I took my German Shepherd and walked 15 minutes to the train station. There I bought our tickets (yes, big dogs need their own ticket) and hopped on the train. After three stops I got off and walked another 10 minutes to my grandmas house. When I arrived I called my parents to let them know I arrived. Since I had my dog with me my parents were never worried and I always felt safe.

[@oliv3ru]

I'm glad in Germany kids get so much activity in school. If you think about it. Poor families or families which are not the best parents maybe can't afford to give their children good adventures, experiences and help with every day life. I think it is important that schools step in and kids learn how to get along and have fun with the environment and society around them. It maybe helps to be a better person after all.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Yes I agree! Schools can help fill in the gaps to make things more equal.

[@ccrisDE]

I like the effort and research you put into your videos. Well done!

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Thank you! ❤️

[@r_7855]

Watching your videos on self-reliance makes me appreciate my childhood and adolescence even more. I have the fondest memories of just roaming the village, fields, and Spielplatz as a kid, knowing the only rule I have to follow is being home by dinner time or "when it starts getting dark", depending on the time of year (that was before mobile phones). I was even allowed to go to a different country on my own with a friend when we were both just 16 - we traveled to Sweden by plane, stayed in a hostel in Stockholm for a few days, and a few more days in a remote village by the sea. We both had mobile phones with us and called our parents when we arrived at the new locations, but other than that, our parents just had complete trust in our self-reliance - and so did we! Looking back, I realise how special that was. Thank you for sharing your perspective!

[@benjaminhartmann4522]

I am so happy i have stumbled over your channel, am german but living abroad and watching your channel rewards me with so many memories. tanks for sharing!

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Awe we love to read that! Which country do you live in?

[@benjaminhartmann4522]

@@MyMerryMessyGermanLife I live now in Denmark, working as beer-brewer and I love it, I miss the mountains but I kinda changed them for the sea. I am happy you found your place and are thriving down there, grew up in the Hallertau, but I have family just around where you living ;).

[@qt9546]

I remember when I was in 5th grade walking home with my sister who was in 7th grade. Near our school was a kindergarden and we met a little boy who fell down from his scooter and was crying on the sideroad. We helped him pick up his scooter and backpack and offered him to accompany him home. While crying he told us that his mom told him that he shouldn't follow strangers. We were taken aback (we couldn't just leave) and really impressed how self aware he was for his age. Eventually we managed to find his older brother who went to the same school as us and he went home with him.

[@berndhofmann752]

Thank you for this beautiful video! But you have in ur own culture two very famous people I learned a lot: One is Henry David Thoreau and the other is Ralph Waldo Emerson. I was really inspired in reading them. ❤❤❤

[@wora1111]

When I am just walking around I often meet parents with several kids running round and ahead of their parents. Usually the parents tell the kids to stop at the next crossing and wait. I automatically start watching out if the kids get closer to the crossing. Kids of four years or older usually will stop, look around and call back to their parents that no cars are coming and asking whether they may cross the street. And I see lots of grownups that will check at the same time - in case the kids do not listen. We used the same method with our kids.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

That’s a great way to do it!

[@flower_power]

This is how it is done in the Netherlands aswell. Of course start at streets that are quiet and where cars drive slow (see KZbin Not Just Bikes)

[@eugenebelford9087]

@@MyMerryMessyGermanLife What @wora1111 describes matches my experiences and my own attitude/ behaviour towards it. I suppose what sums it up best is actually the sometimes misinterpreted cliché about German pedestrians and traffic- lights. Us waiting at a red traffic light even when there is no immediate traffic I often heard or read being interpreted as a particularly rule abiding (or worse) streak in character/ culture. But I think that if you asked like 10 Germans, why they do it then the most common answer will be something along the lines: "I don't want to set a bad example for children."

[@spfisterer3651]

I live in a village and I like the feeling that while the kids are independent there are still neighbours or even strangers who watch out. I know, because I do the same. Little kid not strong enough to open the bakery door - the next adult/older kid will help her. Trying to cross the road while a car is coming - the closest "bigger person" will intervene before an accident happens. It takes a village to raise a child.....

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

I love it!! Everyone watching out for each other.

[@furzkram]

I once overheard a conversation between two mothes on the train, one was bragging what her 7 year old son all did, his activities schedule, in various areas, like soccer and tennis clubs etc. I though by myself "no 7 year old comes to the idea they need a schedule that fills almost all days in a week, or decides "I want to play tennis and join a tennis club" out of nowhere. It's all parents' egos, not the kid's ones.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Yeah it can be quite a challenge as a parent to keep our own insecurities and egos out of the equation. It’s a balance to introduce our kids to new sports and activities but then let them decide what they truly like.

[@swanpride]

Well, two activities isn't unusual...I desperately wanted to learn ballet at that age and my mother supported me in that, and while she nudged me into the direction of learning an instrument, I was allowed to chose it and if I had said "no" that would have been okay too. There was also a girl in my school who was basically going riding every day, and that was certainly her desire. But yeah, if there are that many different activities which will up every minute, it is usually the parents who want this more than the children.

[@kevinmcfall5285]

Exactly!

[@Smido83]

I think thats wrong. I started to play football at 6 cause I WANTED TO. I started to learn the Keyboard at 7 cause I WANTED TO. I stopped playing the Keyboard at 9 cause I LOST INTEREST. I started to do track&field at 10 cause I WANTED TO. I started to play Volleyball at age 12 cause I WANTED TO. I tryed other things for some weeks (drama class, choir and so on) too, but i didnt like them. All my parents did was telling me what activities I could do and they supported me when I made a decision. They never decided anything for me. And thats how all my childhood friends were raised. They tryed different activities untill they found some they liked. For me it was all about sport from 10 years on. Other friends had Playstations or other gaming consoles as their main hobbys. I never had one. Still dont. So I dont think its ALLWAYS the parents egos. Quite the opposite. At least in rural areas.

[@helloweener2007]

Yes and no. Some children need at least a little bit of persuading to try things out. Both of my nieces had trial courss in karate in Kindergarten (pre school in the US). They did a few lessons of "self defense" for kids which was mostly how to act towards strngers that want to grab you, how to call for help and so on. They did the karate then afterwards and stayed with it for a while. The big one had a time when she did not want to go to the training but she also did not wanted to be signed out from it. So my brother in law gave her the choice of either going to the traing or signing her out of class because he does not want to pay when she is not going. At the end she stayed and is still doing karate with the age of 9. The younger one ha a time when she was npot ging at all and she was signed out but in the last year she said that she wants to go again. I guess the reason why she did not want to to it for a while ws because of a biy who was teasing her. And yes, my sister did also karate when she was a teenager. It is kind of doing the parent's ego bit on the other hand it is also useful. The bigger one needs sports and activities or she is barely to handle at home. A lot of energy. And it is gut when girls actually know how to fight back. Then is the bigger one also in a church group singing and so on, she was part in a musical. Which I find quite odd because my sister and I, my partents, my brother in law are all atheists and not baptised. My nieces aren't also not baptised.

[@CHarlotte-ro4yi]

I keep on repeating myself but I just love your intro!

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

So glad you like our intro! Thank you!Our son, Griffin, requested that he be in the intro picking Johanesbeeren. ❤️💕 Good to know on the over scheduling - we haven’t lived here long enough to experience it and with COVID, nothing was open for so long!

[@heleneinge2326]

My theory is that having a sense of safety within the community is exactly what enables kids to be more independent in Germany. You mentioned that it's because of crime (& litigation?) that US kids aren't able to go out of their own. Therefore, it's not opposite at all. It's actually security in community that enables independence. Great video. I love German playgrounds and the way German kids live. Danke!

[@JRSofty]

Wonderful video once again. After watching it with my German wife we also discussed how self-reliant our children are, and she reminded me of about 5 years ago when our children were only 11, 8, and 6 and we put them on the train to ride across Bavaria to their grandparents. This even required a change of trains in Nürnberg, which is a big station. Our kids worked together during the travel. They had no other adult with them. My wife traveled at a later date to pick them up and they all came home together.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Wow! That’s so amazing! Do you think it’s still safe enough for kids to do this today?

[@JRSofty]

@@MyMerryMessyGermanLife Certainly, things haven't changed here that much since then. When I first moved to Germany (or after I left the military) I was still very much alert to possible dangers, and this was before we had children. My wife worked at a hospital and on late shifts would walk home from the hospital. At first I was really nervous about it as we were living in Munich and I had always been taught that "big cities" are full of danger. My wife never had a problem. Like many of your other viewers mentioned people in Germany have a sense of community and they watch out for one another. It is not uncommon to have someone see you struggling for some reason and they ask you if you need assistance. It's something I also had to learn. Germany is a very safe country. Yes bad things happen but for the most part it is very safe, and much safer than where I grew up in the US.

[@lenelovesbooks]

You askes if it's still safe. I'd say yes because crime rates are constantly decreasing in Germany. My nephew walked to his Elementary school on his own since first grade and it was totally safe for him, he just finished Elementary school.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Glad to hear that!

[@David_randomnumber]

Not only that. The severity of crimes is even faster reducing. Murder and physical assault are going Back rapidly while light thefts are rising to a lesser degree. I guess the same is true for the USA but those statistics wont sell on traditional media so no one reports about it. My daughter is now in 3rd class and is going Home alone since 1st (by Bus). Not because it was necessary but because i detest those SUV Helicopter parents.

[@ProCorona]

Another Sunday starting with an absolute great video from you guys. Greetings from Cologne to beautiful baveria 😉😃✌🏻

[@christaneckermann3704]

I saw you picking redcurrants one by one. "Experienced" pickers take the whole panicle with a lot of berries on it, and then, back in the kitchen, use a fork to separate the berries from the panicle. The berries are great for jam, jelly, juice or fantastic cakes.

[@kevinmcfall5285]

Great tip! Although this way keeps Griffin occupied longer, ha!

[@Kowabrass]

If you want to make jam of them, cook them together with the panicles, as these will intensify the flavour. You can easily remove these afterwards by passing the jam through a sieve.

[@V100-e5q]

@@Kowabrass Interesting. All recipes I found say to remove the berries and the dried blossoms before cooking. I know that black currant twigs smell very much like the berries if you break them. A way to find out if a branch or twig belongs to the plant. But red currants never gave off that scent on my bushes.

[@celinecathz2280]

21:00 it is interesting that someone commented about the school's head writing an article against driving kids to school. I am French, but live in the UK, where few children walk themselves to school until 9, and still must be collected until the same age. The head also writes to encourage people to walk to school, however, many parents use the same old excuse: "I have to go straight to work and it would take me too long".

[@Cera3]

in Germany there is a program to get the driver's licence at 17 years old. but it has the restriction that an adult with valid driver's licence has to be in the front passenger seat at every time until the driver is 18 years old. I did that and it was soooo helpful that my parents legally had to sit next to me and helped me with driving and gave tips & tricks for difficult situations etc. When I finally turned 18 and was allowed to drive on my own, I felt so safe and confident.

[@stephanteuscher6583]

Safety in Germany is in general reasonably good. The more rural the area, the safer it is (normally). We live in a village of around 10.000 people in the middle of other villages in northern Baden-Württemberg. My grandkids ride practically everywhere - also to other villages - alone with their bikes without supervision. That's pretty standard here. Of course there are lots of Bikelanes and field paths between the villages which they can use, so they don't have to drive on the road.

[@pigoff123]

That is so true. I was riding the bus subway and train alone at 14. Not a big thing. I spoke some German.

[@TheElainemarley]

This video is so wholesome 🥰 Greetings from NRW!

[@wora1111]

One of my daughters was very good at climbing up. Not so good at climbing down again. So we made a pact. She was allowed to climb everywhere by herself AFTER she had proven to me, that she could come down by herself as well. Worked great. Except that one time she was literally hanging down from a tree and some other parent got afraid, thinking she might drop down. When he started to grab her and help her down she got afraid and called out to me. I was only a few meters away and had to calm down the other parent. And explain our pact.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

This is a great example!

[@berndhoffmann7703]

31:14 you are absolutely right, this differs if you live in a rather rural neighbourhood or in a huge tower block in a city

[@ralfwohlgemuth6792]

The Stockbrot will be a wonderfull experience for your kids (and their friends) at e.g. a birthday party. Just anounce that you will make Stockbrot at an open camp fire later in the afternoon. They will be happy. And now the self-reliance part: In order to make the camp fire, the kids have to collect the wood for the camp fire. They will run around and collect as many branches as they can get (no picking from the trees, just wood that lies on the ground!) - you will have fire wood for month! ;-) They also have to find a stick that can serve as a bread-holding-stick. (No fancy metal sticks or something like that, just normal sticks) Let them build up the fire place on their own. And let them light it. They will have fun! They can even make the dough by themselves, it is very easy, just like a pizza-dough. And they also will learn, even if you tell them that it will happen, that the bread will burn if they hold it to close to open fire. (so make sure that there is enough dough to replace the burned breadsticks ;-) ). You can eat the Stockbrot just plain or with "Kräuterbutter" or salted butter or anything that will fit. I guess that here on youtube are enough videos that show you how Stockbrot is made. The fun part is the open camp-fire and making your own bread.

[@j.a.1721]

You forgot the best part, cutting off the bark and maybe sharpening the stick with a pocket knife, if you also want to grill sausages on the fire.

[@ralfwohlgemuth6792]

@@j.a.1721 Oh yes, of course! And searching for the potatoes, wrapped in aluminium-foil, in the embers... Camp fires are wonderfull! :-)

[@j.a.1721]

@@ralfwohlgemuth6792 mhhhhmmm and Bananas filled with chocolate....

[@grauen1989]

As I told in my comment the last time my parents lived at a very big and busy road. I had to cross it every day. On the other side there was a bike lane where we could walk to our bus station. We walked this way every day alone. While watching your video i remembered the following story: When I was a kid at primary school I was the only child that had to leave the bus from school on the last bus station when riding back home. One day (must have been in second grade) I decided to leave the bus one station earlier together with the other kids to walk the rest back home. Not a big deal for me. One of my classmates was shocked about that and she told her mother when she arrived home and they called my mother immediately. So she took the car to pick me up. When she arrived me I was almost at home. Nothing had happend, I knew the way and it was all of some little roads on the countryside where was no traffic at all. Only at the very end I had to cross that big road to get home, which I had to cross anyways. The whole time I met no one on the roads. She was very surprised that I was able to walk the way all alone, what surprises me. I had hiked that way with my granddad before, so I knew what I did and how long it would take. Also when we were at holiday in the alps we had gone on a hike in the mountains for 3 or 4 hours without any problems and now she didn't think I could walk 1 to 1,5 km in the flat terrain of northern Germany all by myself? That blew my mind as a kid. I as a kid could not understand that my classmate found it dangerous and she took the action to tell her mom, who thought the same about it. I expected that my mom would not freak out and would wait some time and have trust in me. I expected her to wait till I normally must have been home and when I'm not back within this time, she could still decide to take action and catch me up. But I guess my mom did it because she didn't want to have the others that they think she doesn't care. I'm pretty sure because my classmate was a girl she was watched much more by her parents than me as a little boy. So for her it was a much bigger deal.

[@theraven5935]

In matter of climbing there is one easy rule for kids. Three limbs always need to be fixed and safe while using the fourth for moving. Means : Two legs and one hand or two hands and one leg. Once hammered in they can climb where ever they want.

[@WhisperzVerse]

thank you so much for this. i left germany when i was young (to live int he US) but always felt homesick but couldn't pinpoint what it was. your last note about independence and community finally revealed what it was i was missing. this is what i crave for my own children now.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Yeah it’s hard to find that in the US unless you’re in a small town. Suburbia can get quite lonely.

[@tanjab.1090]

19:10 Stockbrot is amazing! I loved it as a kid and remember so many great BBQ events on public BBQ spots grilling sausages and making Stockbrot. You should definitely try - I just had it again yesterday (I’m 30 now) with my boyfriend, my brother and our parents when we were sitting around the „Feuerschale“ in the garden. We all felt 20 years younger 😄

[@erikagoodale9014]

I was raised in Germany and I have to agree that I was raised to be a lot more independent and self reliant than I taught my own kids. I moved to the US and raised my children in a city where there are few sidewalks, no streetlights in some sections and schools are too far away to walk to. Unfortunately, I fell into the trap believing that I had to protect my kids from crime! It seemed like it was all around us but if I would have to do it again I would realize that kidnappings and murders are still the exception. I let my grandkids do so much more on their own and they LOVE it! I trust them more that they can do things without hurting themselves. I guess it's better to learn late than never! haha! I love your videos! You live in an amazing area where your children can really be independent. It's a little harder in big cities. I grew up in Nuremberg and used public transportation on my own by age 8. Love following your story! Your kids are so adorable! Thanks for sharing!

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Thank you, Erika! Yeah that’s so true - in safe areas of America, crime is usually pretty low. There’s a very small chance of kidnapping and murders. There’s a lot more fear in the USA I’ve found, compared to Germany.

[@uwepolifka4583]

Wow, there is a forrest direct behind your backyard. Best playground of the world. Is there already a hole or a door in the fence? When I was a kid, so 100 years ago, there would have been one.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Haha, 100 years ago. Yes, we have a gate so we can go into the forest! You’re right, best playground in the world!

[@TukikoTroy]

Great vid, very enlightening. Thank you so much.

[@BobHerzog1962]

Well my niecesand nephew live in a rather rual area. From what I witnessed their childhood is similar to mine. So riding your bike to school from elementary school onwards (Kindergarten depends on the logistics). From quite early age they were taught save routes between the villages (avoiding busy roads and only cross those at safe locations like traffic lights). Not only nesseary to visit friends but also to use certain infrastructure that one village has but the other not (i.e. swimming pool). This of course works better in summer. It is also backed by parents (and/or others) confirming safe arrivals. Compared to my childhood in the 80s and 90s there is even the advantage of cell phones. In my everyday life (in Munich) I can confirm kids use regular public transportation self reliant to get places a lot. Certainly for the way to school and back.

[@k.a.3614]

I did a voluntary social year in a kindergarden last year. We prepared a snack in the early afternoon and sometimes two or three children would help us cutting the apples, etc. Also from three years old onward they had to fill their own plates, make to prepare their own breads etc. Which involves using knifes (though not sharp ones) We regulary went to playgrounds, the library, or other attraction. So 10~20 kids with two adults (dependant on the activity). We heavily encourage kids from beginning on to dress themself so oftentimes told them to try it themself first, and only after they tried helping them as little as possible till they are able to do it with our help. And yeah, the big kids took care of the smaler kids, helped with dressing, going up stairs, etc. Of course they hurt themself regulary but the only time we had to call an ambulance was when one kid got an allergic reaction to food.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

I love this!! We are seeing this with our youngest who is in kindergarten. She prepares her own snack at school, dresses herself to play outside (if there is rain or snow), and is becoming so much more independent than she was in the US. It’s so cool to watch!

[@becca5161]

a Blotzplatz is where you play football and usually even the smallest village has one. usually it's like a field with two goals on it, nothing fancy. In my town basically all children and teens met up there after school

[@wolkenpfote0981]

I used to be the small kid who was always at the top of all the climbing equipment on playgrounds. My dad was constantly asked by other parents if the little girl (3 or 4yo) at the top of the equipment was his kid and if he wasn't worried about me coming down again. His response was "she got up there by herself, she'll get down by herself." At the same time I always new that if I was ever really stuck he would be there for me and help if I really did need it.

[@PMeier-nc5lf]

To make things worse. I grew up in a (very) small village in western Germany named ... ,) We had an tradition to grow up, that I never found in Germany again. When you were born and learned to speak, from time to time you heard the term "Die sieben Bäume" (The seven trees). Though we had a playground in our village too, most childs refused it. The reason why? There was a longing to explore the "Seven Trees". To make a long story short: The reason is, this seven trees were in the woods, coincidentally standing in a row, grown by size (, left was the smalest and right was the tallest) . As a four years aged child, I went into the woods to finally see them and took the third tree, trying to climp up, but one of the older children told me to start left. (First lesson learned!) Could you imaging being supervised by a 6-7-old child? (I can. :) ) The day you were able to climb all seven trees, you were accepted as an "adult child". However, some took the challange in ten minutes the other needed a day or two. (At my time it was ca. 2 m at the left side and more than 7 m right side). (Remember our age,). (I grew up in a very special region. We have a village called "Wasserfall" (Waterfall) and the most scaring one is "Faulebutter" which is literally translated "Rotten Butter".) Americans! Trust your children a littel bit more.

[@lotharhubner8790]

Danke für Ihre interessanten Videos, die obendrein sehr unterhaltsam sind.

[@danielw.2442]

That was a really nice video format. Please feel free to do it again.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Thanks, Daniel!

[@franz1102]

Oh, hello, hab gerade euer Video entdeckt, und, "Bolzplatz" ist ein Fußballfeld (Soccerfield), a place where the kids play soccer 🤗, "bolzen" is, especially in Bavaria, playing soccer (kids playing, not so much rules in that play, and sometimes its just a piece of meadow)

[@inawinchester]

Maybe you're still interested in my experience. My kids are 7 years old now and just finished their 1st year in school. In the last year of kindergarten they had a "way to school course" where they learned how to walk to school safely by themselves. I remember the first day of school the headmaster said we should let our kids go to school by themselves after 2 (!) weeks. That was a bit too much for me, but we bought them scooters and we walked to school everyday. After a month they went alone. Before class there are older children (about 15) at the crossroads or and traffic lights to make sure the younger children are crossing the street safely. They have lights on their scooters and helmets, they have the big neon cover for their school bags and they have a lot of other children who go to school, too. In the beginning it wasn't easy to just let them go on their own but it still felt like the right thing to do. And I think as a parent you want your kids to be safe and it's easier to do things for/with them. But yeah, they are so proud when they do things on their own it's worth it. I have a photo from kindergarten where my daughter was sawing wood at the age of 2 1/2. It's scary but also ... idk ... it made me proud. And she was proud, too ♥️

[@BaluDerBaer933]

5:39 Funny, to hear sometimes the train horn in the background!

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Yes! The train was really active during our video! LOL

[@leoniereusch3752]

Something that might sound converse is that when you are older around 16 to 19 most of the parents don't really mind if you stay at you friends place or get drunk with a bunch of people, but they would pick you up at three in the morning in the neighbors town from you friend so that no one has to drive. Cause in that point they want their kids to be save and driving drunk isn't save at all.

[@lyaneris]

My parents always reminded me (and do even now) that wherever I am, how ever late it is, to give them a call to pick me up if I had trouble/someone stood me up/ I got drunk,...

[@marieskywalker7892]

I think that living in literally or metaphorically gated communities is detrimental to the sense of community. Of course, especially in more urban cities we do have "viertel" where more rich people live or more families or where there's more poverty, but for the most part even those viertel are open and still mixed. In everyday life we mix, mingle and interact with all kinds of people from all walks of life so to say. Of course it's not absolute perfection over here but in general we have the same goals, we watch out for each other (especially children) and the only way to loose this 'community membership' is basically by becoming a danger to the community. To me it looks like in America all you have to do to becomen an outsider and loose protection is not being able to afford a certain place to life/lifestyle and then you're left to fend for yourself. So you have people in communities, living in a bubble, a lot of them fearing the 'outsiders' because they never get in contact with them, then you have the outsiders who are vulnerable And in come the predators, making "the outside" this dangerous place. To me it looks like there's a lot of us vs them in many aspects of american society, a lot of segregation. And that's just not healthy to any sense of community.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Yes this is all very true. The wealthy live together in a bubble and do fear the outsiders. And there is a very “us vs. them” mentality. There is a huge lack of compassion and empathy for those who are struggling and poor, thinking they are lazy and have done it to themselves. They don’t understand how complicated it is, that poverty is a viscous cycle.

[@OchNe926]

British-American comedian John Oliver quite recently had spot on racial segregation in terms of new quarters in the US since the early 20th century: kzbin.info/www/bejne/lV6Te2dvlJ6frcU&ab_channel=LastWeekTonight

[@andreabartels9532]

The segregation between the more affluent (or influential) and the majority of the people causes problems. In 18th century France, the king and the aristocracy lived in Versailles. Aside from servants, they had little to no connection with the common citizens. When bad harvests caused price acceleration for bread, they had no idea that a majority of the population was on the verge of starvation. Eventually it led to the French Revolution. In Germany, the GDR had a similar experience. Politicians, who lived in their own little community, with better access to food and consumer goods. The "normal" citizen was struggling to find certain goods or hat to wait for years. This sparked the unrest in the GDR, aside with being fed up with heavily rigged elections. The USA will have to watch out, because a privileged minority owns the the majority of the wealth, the middle-class is shrinking, the working class is struggling more and more with the costs of living. A revolution in a country with easy access to guns is a rather scary thing.

[@OchNe926]

​@@andreabartels9532 The sedition on Jan. 6, 2021 was scary -- cheered on by Trump... But in contrast to 18th century France and the GDR/East Germany, in modern US there's free elections (which were not rigged, as Trump claims) and independent law courts. Not only did John Oliver point out what needs to be done in terms of housing discrimination (reparations), but also did he present several videos on gun laws: kzbin.info/www/bejne/lXamioCsn7poaKc&ab_channel=LastWeekTonight kzbin.info/www/bejne/gnbGk5SdjJmCY9U&ab_channel=LastWeekTonight kzbin.info/www/bejne/o4fYpKOBiM-ZnaM&ab_channel=ComedyCentral kzbin.info/www/bejne/d2GpfaZ_r7Oroas&ab_channel=GrayWolf kzbin.info/www/bejne/iorFimdrp62dbtk&ab_channel=ComedyCentral To be continued! ;-)

[@peterkesseler9898]

Very nice and interesting video about the topic! Did you start your trip to Rheinland-Pfalz for visiting the Burg Eltz? I think you have planned it in the beginning of august. Maybe I am wrong. I live only 70 to 80km away from Burg Eltz in the Westerwald. Nearby my little village is a Burgruine Reichenstein (old castle ruins) nearby Puderbach. My 87 years old father guides people through the Burgruine to show it. It would be a pleasure to invite you in my village and show it all to you! Greets and fun on the Burg Eltz!

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Hi Peter! Wow, thanks! That would be amazing! Our trip is planned for the end of August. Do you have my email address? We can discuss more by email. We are planning to speak a day in Trier, a day at Burg Eltz and a day at Cochem castle.

[@sisuguillam5109]

The Westerwald is truly beautiful! And your dad still does tours at 87? Wow! Go Dad!

[@peterkesseler9898]

@@MyMerryMessyGermanLife No, I have no email address. I hope the wheather forecast is better in a few weeks when you are on your trip to Rheinland-Pfalz!

[@sisuguillam5109]

@@peterkesseler9898 und ob ich den Westerwald kenne. Sitze Ihm momentan sogar zu Füßen! Und ein Teil meiner Famile kommt von dort! Wünsche einen wunderschönen Abend!

[@peterkesseler9898]

@@sisuguillam5109 OK :-)

[@kentaroyamaguchi7519]

Its the same with my nephew. He is 3 now so he is testing. Once he ran so fast downwards and he flatout kissed the ground face forward. 10 seconds of yelling and crying i said so are we keep racing to the trees in the garden or not? He got up dried his face and ran as fast as he could. And then he said " that was a very nice day today for me". 😍

[@indiramichaelahealey5156]

I think self reliance is very important, along with feeling happy, worthy and loved. There have to be clear rules to guide them along, they need to know how to behave (be friendly, help and respect others). They need to hear that they are loved regularly and they need to know that they can come to their parents for help no matter what kind of trubble they are in. Also, I think it's important to watch and find something they are good in, encourage and support them in it and to applaud them when they did really good so they feel worthy.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Such great advice, we totally agree. ❤️

[@minceri9346]

Schullandheim was always great fun. In elementary school we went to Bad Wimpfen and slept in the zoo there. We slept in our sleeping bags on a hay ground next to the wolves cages and in the night we could hear the wolves howling. We also walked around the woods at night and went on a trip with some horses, ponies and alpacas. Later when I was 12, we went on a trip to the island of Sylt in the North Sea. Mind you, I live in the middle of Baden Württemberg so we had to drive by bus for around 19 hours (I don't think it takes this long usually, but there was lots of Stau in the summer time). Only one kid had to be taken home by his parents (who were absolutely furious), because he lit some grass on fire. There we went on a Wattwanderung and stuff, it was really cool. I hope your children can experience something similar in the future! I think in Bavaria lots of classes also go to Poland or the Czech Republic, so there's also foreign country experience going on. :)

[@b.kr.3501]

Fun fact, as you live near to Austria: Johannisbeeren are called 'Ribisl' there. The word comes from the Hungarian expression 'ribiszli'. (not sure, if Austrians use Ribsl more in the east, nearer to Hungary)

[@viomouse]

in english red currants :-) in most the US most variants of them are prohibited to grow, sadly. I wanted to gift a friend a currant bush for the balcony of her condo.

[@martialme84]

02:50 Kevin, Du bist einfach der Beste.

[@claudimarimai]

hi. :-) I came across your videos and all of you are so sympathetic and lovely . you`re great! :-) I grew up in Austria - but it is pretty much the same here where I am from (Vorarlberg) like it is in your town I guess .. I had a lot of responsibilities when I was young ... My partens NEVER controlled if I would have done my homework, studied or oftentimes did not know exactly my school-schedule . So I had to do this on my own .. and if I wouldn`t do it it would be my thing to handle it and maybe get a bad mark .. it wasn`t that they did not mind or carry .. NO ... it was just my own responsibility and I liked it a lot ( besides that: who wants to get blamed from a teacher for haven`t done the homework or so.. ;-) ) ... when I was just 10 years old I went to another school which was a 1 hour train-ride from where I lived. all by myself (needed to know when which train was driving and so on .. ) now .. since I am a kindergarten-teacher, most of the kids walk home by themeselfs by the age of 5 or 6 ... eve n4 years sometimes .. of course JUST if they can handle it and the conditions allow it . we teach them how to brush their teeth, ride bikes, use cutlery and knives properly and of course many other things. :-) hope this was interesting for you .. best wishes and hugs claudia

[@aleitlion]

I walked to school from 1st grade. I remember walking to my friends house in winter when it’s dark in the Morning. I used a flashlight to ping my mom standing in front of our house when I had reached my friends house way down the road. Works especially well in winter, when there’s no leaves blocking the view.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

What a great system!

[@franziskakaffee5797]

It is sometime really surprising how good thinking very young kids are. A while ago a friend visited me with her child. He was about 4 at this time and staying for a week or so. We were in the city center and he was not listening to us and not coming. So we went ahead but watched him from the far. After a while he realized he could not see us anymore and started to follow us not knowing that we were still watching him. We were really impressed, although he looked a bit uncomfortable he washeading into the direction of my flat, so we followed him until he found us, but he almost made it back. I think he learned to listen to us and on the other hand that he can manage quite well when he gets lost.

[@drbenwaynewyersy9976]

well.... in the words of one of our greatest: "Too many parents make life hard for their children by trying, too zealously, to make it easy..." Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

[@eLISAbeth0395]

I live in Munich and here many kids go to secondary school by public transport on their own. It sometimes takes them up to an hour and the might switch the trains or busses, but they do it on their own. As I was one of these kids, my favorite days were when the public transport was cancelled because of a storm or a strike. This is the best excuse not to come to school ;) Also it was a great feeling being able to travle through the whole city all by myself. I was often doing my homework in the train on the way back (and sometimes on the way to school ;) )

[@ClaudiaG.1979]

You have to try stockbrot and Bockwurst. Stockbrot is bread dough wrapped arround a branch and you can buy Bockwurst in every grocerystore. Just put it on to the branch and roast it in a bonfire.. When i was a kid, we made stockbrot for every birthday.. many kids were invited and we all went into the forrest to find some branches. my dad lid a bonfire.. my mum would wrap the branches (one with dough and the other with the bockwurst) and then you could witness something magical.. 10 or more kids were silently standing around the bonfires, holding their sticks in both hands and waited till it was ready.. and for dessert we would have smores.. but without the cookie part, just roastet marshmellows..

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Oh I love this! Stockbrot for birthday parties! Okay we totally have to do this.

[@jennyh4025]

Children in the area around Cologne are still allowed to roam when they are in elementary school (going on bike for five kilometers through Cologne). Children, who are four or five, are allowed to run around the playground/park, even when the parents can’t see them. The older they get, the further they are allowed to roam. Children usually walk or bike to school without their parents after a month or two (but with friends). In bigger cities children go by bus or train as well.

[@nebelland8355]

„Everything a Child CAN do on its own, it SHOULD do on its own“. That’s what my pedagogy teacher said to me. It is the best advice and I remember it since years. Together with Maria Montessoris:“Help me to do it myself“ Unfortunately I see a lot of parents not trusting their children to be able to do things alone. They still put their shoes on, although the children know how to do it and generally treat them as if they were younger than they are. Or they are in a hurry and don’t have the patience to wait until the child can finish the task on its own.

[@thea5874]

My mom is a single mom and I was a “Schlüsselkind”. I also really enjoyed being alone at home and do whatever I wanted. Because of that, I learned really early how to cook. At first I helped my Mom cooking and I watched her using knifes etc. Then my Mom got me “Kindermesser” which are knifes that can cut vegetables etc. but are not that sharp and you can’t cut your fingers. And then little by little I learned how to cook and by the age of 6 or 7, I could cook normally without my mom supervising me.

[@andreabartels3176]

When I was little and started elementary school, my parents and I went looking for the safest way from our apartment to my school. After maybe the first week of school I was allowed to go alone by foot. The only day, I was accompanied by my father was one extremely cold winter day. We arrived at school and the janitor told us, that school had been canceled, because the heating wasn't working properly. Kältefrei! ❄️

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Love this story!

[@SierraKilo76]

Kältefrei! I loved Kältefrei! It was even cooler as Hitzefrei in my opinion. Especially if you stayed out all day with a sled, your friends maybe a dog… Often no or very few cars around. And of course we could stay out in the blistering cold because we were already big (like 2nd class elementary or so). :D

[@lyaneris]

@@SierraKilo76 Me too. Sadly in NRW it's the parents decision whether the kid would go to school or not when it snowed. That usually meant hoping the bus wouldn't come (which did happen a few times).

[@bschuchi71]

"Bolzplatz" is small soccer field (mostly child-adapted sized) sometimes with grass, sometimes just a muddy spot with two goals, but you can play soccer at all times (without time-restrictions e.g. at an "official" soccer-clubs field). Btw: "Bolzen" means kicking a ball. Just an open soccer field, when I was young we often used schools outdoor sport-fields, because in the 70s/80s those weren't surrounded by fences. This today often changed (due to vandalism) to fenced school grounds. (READ MUCH MORE DOWN BELOW!) "Stockbrot" is just (corn-dog sized) yeastdough (e.g. Pizza dough) wrapped around a long wooden stick and rosted on a campfire (literally Stick-bread) Very funny for the kids, mostly done on the end of a long day to calm the kids down, or while telling some (spooky) stories in the late evening/night and every kid likes it - great thing and absolutely not expensive. You could do a night-walk with the kids (e.g. in the nearby woods) and when youre home again there's suddenly a campfire in your garden (started by e.g. your neighbor) and you do the "stockbrot"-thing in your garden. Another outdoor activity of the "You don't need to a playstation"-type. When I was young I often heard "Get out - play outside, it's raining!" I guess I was about ten, when I got my own Swiss Army knife, so we played in the woods, carved sticks, build wooden huts, etc. but we all knew never ever to use the knife against humans or living creatures. Our parents trusted us kids. And guess what? We never ever disappointed them due our self-reliance. We learned to care each other. When we played on a field nearby a constructions side, my friend stepped into a nail on a wooden board so hard the nail penetrates his foot. We were three boys (~8 years). I run to his mum, while my other friend took care of our injured buddy. Nobody told us how or what to do in such a situation. We decided ourself how to handle the situation. Today's helicopter or lawnmower-parents are over-protecting their kids. Don't they know that appropriate clothing, a hot bathtub and a Kakao (hot chocolade) prevent the kids from getting ill? They're stealing their childhood. Terrible. We were told, to come home, when the streetlights will be lit. If we would not have been home, we were mostly for dinner with one of our friends and we gave our parents a call. And strangely enough our parents always knew where we are, because we always were seen by some villagers or other parents and they DID roughly know our last stay. Remember: That was in the 70s, when no one had a cellphone! "Schullandheim" is a kind of "hotel" for pupils and teachers, mostly done for one week without parents. Just prep your kid for outdoor activities (don't forget the flashlight) and send it away. The kids learn mostly nature-related stuff by exploring nature with or without their teachers. An experience worth every minute. Often with nightwalks and Stockbrot. ;-) I absolutely like how you like the german way of education to self-reliance. When I heard some stories about americans, I often thought "Americans develope until they're 14, after that they're only growing..." And watching your video I'm shocked again, that it is illegal in the states to let the kids out of the bus, if there's no one to pick them up... wth? really? hahaha! Best (self-heard!) example: An american tourist asked his wife, when he visited the Nuernberg castle: "Why don't we have castles, honey?" Me: "I wanna cry...!" But now your opinion shows the opposite example and restored my faith in mankind... thank you!

[@helfgott1]

lady and sir i am a 61years german and i just like you 😊😍👍👍👍👍👍👍 Bolzplatz is a football place where i learned about football 50 years ago

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Dankeschön! ❤️

[@helfgott1]

@@MyMerryMessyGermanLife we germans love football 😍 even when my lady is rolling her eyes i do love football

[@bigernie9433]

WIth four kids, I think a lot of teaching is being done and will occur among themselves as the younger ones learn from their elder siblings, preferably the things parents approve of. Saves the parents a lot of energy and effort, hopefully.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Yes that does happen and it really helps!

[@ThePixel1983]

And you know right away who to talk to when the younger ones start using swear words. 😁

@@ThePixel1983 I know who they'd learn those from. That would be me. Just as I learned those "bad" words (words aren't bad) from my parents and relatives. (But of course you also learn a lot of that in school…)

[@andreabartels3176]

In most German kindergarten the children are aged 3 to 6 years old within a group. The younger ones learn from the older ones and the older ones look out for the younger children.

[@astridwindfuhrnz]

I am a German who spent 10 years in USA but moved from there to New Zealand. You KZbin channel is terrific. Independence and self reliance was definitely on the top of my upbringing first near Hamburg and later on the Island Sylt in the North Sea. My early experience was that of unbound freedom. We had a holiday home before we moved there and once we had breakfast I was off with other kids until dinner time [Abendbrot]. I remember riding my bike to school from the age of six on normal roads. I walked to Kindergarten myself from the age of 4 and played outside during any wheather. My own children have grown up in New Zealand and grew up with the same independence, although New Zealand parents seem to be doing much more helicoptering. Love ❤️ your channel!

[@dontmindmeimjustadolphin]

A "Bolzplatz" is a soccer field, may not always have the best ground like grass, but is often muddier. We had concrete ground in elementary school for example, so it may not be too great to fall. We use the term "bolzen" as jargon for kicking the soccer ball.

[@HerrKlaus1963]

I really love your channel! Getting another point of view on my culture makes me thankful for things i didn't even realize. You should cut your Johannisbeeren to improve their yield. They need yearly trimming to promote new growth an rejuvenation! Simple search for "Johannisbeeren schneiden" you will find plenty of videos explaining how to. It's pretty simple and makes a massiv impact! Greetings!

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Thank you! Okay good to know about the Johaniberre bush.

[@mareikejoeben2682]

First of all, I really enjoy watching your videos. To your topic, we have a natural pool in the neighorhood and my kids(10 and 12 years old) go there all alone. There is a supervisor watching, but usually kids at the age of 8-10 had swimming lessons in school and passed a test that allows them to go to the pool alone. So, they go. I don't worry about them because there are many kids playing and swimming together. They watch out for each other. It is absolutely fine for me and all our neighbors and friends.

[@danielastarly5803]

When my kids were really small (like under 4yo), I had a scare and decided to never let them walk to school alone. Thankfully, that normalized till the eldest started school. They walked to school since first day of first grade because they knew already where school was. With my younger kid tough I had some trouble in first grade because he wouldn't come right back home after school but take classmates home first at the opposite end of the village ('das war auf dem Weg!'), so I told him exactly what streets he is allowed to take to and from school. Now, he just talks with his friends at their doorstep till bigger siblings come home from school in the Kreisstadt (when every family has their family lunch). How comfortable kids are out and about is highly dependant on the kid. My older kid just recently started being comfortable all by himself in the Kreisstadt (where his school is!) while my little kid was droven to a weekly appointment in the city for him and my dad just kicked him out of the car (same as me when I do drive him there) and I didn't remember that appointment was canceled for the week. So after a bit of time waiting at the doorstep, he remembered he knows somewhere living a few meters away and turned up there. This lady called my dad who collected him. Starting 5th grade, I give my kids Taschengeld so that they can use it for buying sweets in town if school is out early or eat a Döner with friends after school. And the 5th graders do use the Treuepunkte system the local candyshop has implemented. Before first grade, the headmaster of the elementary school held a parent-teacher conference at the Kindergarten and told us 'you live in a safe neighbourhood, let your kids visit their friends by themselves starting now, when they start school, they are expected to walk to school by themselves'. Ok, some kids don't walk to school, they take a bus to school/Kindergarten starting at 2yo, because the next village has neither. Tough the bus for Kindergarten is more shielded, I think, fewer pupils on it, more attention at each stop. Kids are required to learn traffic rules here at several points in school, during 3rd or 4th grade, and again during 6th grade. Also at 1st grade and 5th grade, they have safety lessons (walking to school at 1st grade, taking the bus to school at 5th grade). I hope my soon to be 7th grader will learn to take the train to visit friends and his dad by himself soon, because that will make my life a bit easier. That is kinda late for that milestone, but this kid is a bit anxious so I don't force him to learn these sorts of things too early. My kids both know how to cook very simple meals (scrambled eggs, a Marmorkuchen, really easy things), but doing that without an adult at home has still to be done - they rather prepare a bowl of cereals if they are hungry home alone (also because that is not a meal they usually get to have). At schools, kids also learn about sexuality (at 3rd and 6th grade), slowly even introducing consent, relationships, peer pressure and queer topics into these lessons. Also, they teach about democracy. At 3rd or 4th grade, pupils start to elect a Klassensprecher who is responsible for bringing complaints of pupils to the teacher and attend a Klassensprecherkonferenz. At these conferences, things regarding the school are discussed and decided (dunno what, I never was popular enough to attend). I did the Wahl-O-Mat with my kids the last few elections. Do that with your kids too in September, I would think your eldest will understand many of the questions there and have interesting insights! And when I did Briefwahl (was needed the last few elections), I filled out the ballot with them (helped that they didn't have a too different stance on whom to elect than me). A few topics on the Wahl-O-Mat (www.wahl-o-mat.de/) I had to translate for them tough ('Soll das Alter der Strafmündigkeit auf 14 herabgesetzt werden?' I translated to 'Sollen Kinder ab 14 Jahren von der Polizei oder ihren Eltern bestraft werden, wenn sie was illegales (z.B. klauen) tun?'). Also, my kids learnt to recycle from a really young age on. We coined the term Knistermüll for plastic trash (we have the easier german trash system of yellow, paper, bio and Restmüll) because of the sound plastic crumbling makes (dict.leo.org/englisch-deutsch/knistern). Mostly teaching household chores is just 'help me do it' and explaining why we don't wash red socks with the white underwear or such. And kids are proud if they are able to do a grown-up task all by themselves. Sorry for that text, I hope you got something usefull out of it regardless!

[@Auraya87]

My Child (5) has a development delay. She has lots of problems with the gross motor skills. So when we are out, I have to watch carfully and if my child doing something dangerous for her skill level , I give support. Sometimes it is very hard for me, cause other parents can´t understand why I help her so much. I let her do all things, but often I have to stand nearby to protect her :/ Some days ago she climbed a climbing frame up and stand on the highes rope without holding herselve. I hat to sream over the hall playground, cause she´s startet to play and didn´t control her body ... the look of the other parents were hard :'(

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

I’m so sorry, people can be very judgmental to mothers and it isn’t fair! It’s none of their business. You are a great mom.

[@supernova19805]

We didn't need neighborhood security cameras, when we were young and growing up in Germany. Our security were the Omas or Opas who opened up their windows, put down a pillow on the windowsill so, you could rest your lower arms comfortably and lean out to watch what was going on in the neighborhood. Sometimes, they did it for hours to get their allotment of "frische Luft". I don't know if they still do this now but that is what it was like then, back in the 60ies and 70ies. If you did something you shouldn't do, you could pretty much bet, your parents got to hear about it post haste. ;)

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Oh I love this! How sweet the Omas and Opas would keep watch on the neighborhood.

[@BaluDerBaer933]

Yes, Schullandheime were a big thing when I was young. And we kids loved to go there, because they were often in little forests and always in open nature.

[@norealname1965]

In my hometown children as young as 6 walk to school on their own. We (my brother and I) were accompanied by our parents for a time to make sure we knew the way and we had learned how to behave in traffic from a very young age. One of the most enforced and most important rules was 'never run accross a road without looking left/right' even if there is someone accross the road you know, if there is a peoples crossing always use that but still look left/right. And the second rule was never to get in another persons car and don't take food/drinks from strangers. One time a friend of my fathers was sent to pick me and my brother up after school because something was keeping my parents busy (they were just renovating our house) and he just didn't manage to pick us up, even though we knew him ver well, but because we weren't informed that he was gonna pick us up we did not get into the car. We stubbornly went home by foot. We also were allowed to visit friends, walk the neighbours dog etc, as long as we were back on time. If we weren't we lost those privileges for a time and nobody wanted that.

[@SierraKilo76]

Lost privileges. Oh how it sucked. You are bringing back memories ^.^

[@doloresmey]

🙏 Another very interesting Video! Thank you for explanation the subjekt: German staring. Nobody stares - okay, exceptions prove the rule. 🤷🏻‍♀️ To stare is very negative. We look because we care. That is not meant to be mean. Looking instead of looking away shows interest. This is not gawking. And a German family with four kids also got excited. From my point of view: I‘m just happy to see young families. I like to look there. Without arg.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Love this explanation! It has helped us to understand so we don’t feel nervous when people are staring at us.

[@karinland8533]

I think stareing has a slightly different definition in Germany

[@martinamotorship]

@@karinland8533 True. Staring is "fixating on the other ones eyes with yours" - it's the fixating part that makes it different from "just looking".

[@karinland8533]

@@martinamotorship I would that call eye contact.🤔 Eye contact is not rude. I think what US Americans find irritating is the lightly longer eye contact we are used too in Europe. Stareing would be if I walk pass you and turn the head to be able to cerp looking

[@furzkram]

Bolzplatz is where they kick a soccer ball around until it's flat. "bolzen" is slang for kicking the ball.

[@WnuckVader]

A Bolzplatz is a small football pitch. A popular meeting place for village children.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Ahhh! Okay

[@leoniereusch3752]

Something I experienced in first and second grade was that the first grader has a "Pate", a second grader who looked after him. He was there for advice and help, often explaining thinks when the teacher wasn't there. As the younger kid you have someone you always can come back to and as the older you learn not only to look after yourself but also after other and especially youngers.

[@tw418]

We live in the middle of Copenhagen, and my son would walk to school by himself from the age of 8. And if he didn’t feel like walking, he would just catch the public bus.

[@kevinmcfall5285]

So great all the option let them be independent!

[@WooShell]

13:00 Crime has been going down for the last two decades or more.. traffic has increased though, but kids still largely get the same freedom they had in the 80s/90s. They need a bit more training with modern transport tools like E-Scooters etc, but they still go/ride/bike to school and friends freely.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Love to hear all of that!

[@pauls.4696]

Since she is 5 I have that deal with my older daughter. When she stands up in the morning, dresses herself and brushes her teeth she is allowed to watch TV until I bring her to Kindergarten (or soon school). Which gives me time to sleep a little longer because I know she is cared for. It works really well and usually she only wakes up 15 minutes or so before me so it is not like she is watching TV all morning. Part of having my girls on a long leash is giving them consequences. I only threaten them with something I will really do and they know I will do it and so they often obey or face the consequences. We recently moved into our new house in a newly built neighborhood and now my daughter is outside all day playing with her many new friends (there are 42 families here, most of which have children). She knows her boundaries, how far she can ride her bike and where she can go and I know that the children watch our for each other. But since we live here she is out and about every day. One of the things I say when we talk about something that could happen if we allow something (she might fall and injure herself or something) is: "Then she will learn from that." One thing that might make it look like German parents don't comfort their children when they hurt themselves is something we do: When our children fall, I don't immediately react. Only when they start crying I react. When a child falls and you go: "Oh my god!" they will think it is bad and start crying. In many cases they just stand up and when no one else is gasping they will just be fine. I also secretly witnessed my older daughter fall, cry and when nobody was to be seen (she did not know I was watching her) she just stopped and went about her day. This is some years in the past already. There is this fear that crime is worse today and that is why you can't let children be unattended. In fact crime is a lot lower today than in the past (which is generally also true for the US!). What increased is not crime it is reporting about crime (which is even more true for the US!). In the past violence, especially against children, might have only been reportet in the local news. Today it will be national or even global news. When we hear about crimes against children (which obviously scare us the most) this is not the tip of the iceberg, it is (by far most of) the iceberg. (knowing this I still have the worst pictures in my head when I can't find my little girl for a few minutes)