Get Parasite Narcissist Out of Your Colonized Mind

[@linahol6067]

Summary: 1. Learn to separate your real emotions from abusers's emotions. Don't take abusers's problems as your own. Their happiness or sadness is their responsibilities. Don't blindly try to solve theirs emotion problems 2. Memory recovery: Memory is important for Identity. No memory, no self. During abuse period, the abuser deactivate your long-term memory, you can't defend yourself. You can't speak up or stand up against abuser because you don't even remember who you are before relationship. It's like immune system being penetrated by the virus. The healthy cells confuse that the virus is actually healthy and allow to get in. To recovery memories, i think Journaling about what have happened to you is helpful or you can talk to the therapist, talk out of your experiences. (Sorry for my English, I've tried my best to summarize)

[@enoch6977]

Helpful recap...thank you

[@ussylay3528]

Thank you it is helpful!

[@akunakii3782]

now match same words with love, all makes practical sense and not an illnes

[@kristentiveron4756]

I can not believe I found this video. I am not a lunatic. I am not alone. Thank you so much for this.

[@11mimiriri]

True

[@raphaulus]

Awoken!! Congrats. Detach and live!

[@lynnglass575]

I know how you feel I am the same I thought I was going insane

[@miketowler8747]

U are not alone.😊

[@tricialoftus3588]

I’ve just escaped a narcissist of 2 and a half years. They are masers of their game. I’m in a state of shock and have been floored by the sheer evil of this man. He is already grooming others. It’s frightening they prey on vulnerable women and now thanks to online dating there is an open supply for them.

[@Paradiseislonely]

Yes that is very true My ex narc was on all Dating sites under a different name

[@marilynnelson4718]

I think I just met one on a dating line. Love bomb but nobody was there…. I was overwhelmed with the passion and love I felt and he said he had a special relationship with God and Angel. Intense

[@apetstaleanimalcaregivers3211]

SAME! Two and a half years of the most horrific betrayals and treachery. I couldn't even make it up. You aren't alone. 🫂

[@aijazsiddique8713]

I am glad you have escaped. Take care of yourself and stay safe!

[@JH-td4mn]

Thank you for this video. It explains so well how the Narcissist/Psychopathic abuser takes over your mind and why it's so confusing, traumatising and isolating for the victim. Who would understand who hasn't been through it, it sounds fantastical, but from personal experience I know it's true? The hardest part of the relationship for me was the aftermath. For many months I felt like I'd been injected with poison. Like i'd been turned into a toxic dumping ground for the abuser's unresolved feelings such as rage, self loathing, despair, suicidal ideations. I didn't feel like myself. I had to remember who I was and work really hard on salvaging my fragmented identity and building a new one going forward. At least I realised that it was him who was disordered and sick. I had been naive and my boundaries weak. I have learnt so much from this horrific experience.

[@KleenaSupre]

you're not crazy that is exactly what they do.

[@JH-td4mn]

@@KleenaSupre - do you think they feel better when they do the "toxic brain dump"?! Are they aware on any level that they're doing it? 🤔

[@KleenaSupre]

@@JH-td4mn they seem to be prone to temporary relief, like addicts looking for a fix. they might not be aware that this behavior really is toxic. they normalise it, like have you ever been abused by someone who tried to claim it was normal or that they had the support of society or organisations or people that they don't? its a control tactic when they do that, it also makes them temporarily feel more important. narcissists are into STATUS SYMBOLS and people are extensions of their need for status symbols, so they want to be 'the boss' 'the king' 'the best' and they want everyone to acknowledge that (and overlook they are deeply flawed and miserable and on the bottom rung of society when they are). being on the bottom and being a narcissist isn't same thing, because most people can tolerate that, they accept that the world isn't a penthouse to play in for everyone. but a narcissist can't, they expect to have all the stuff a billionaire has and more. and its that 'and more' that gets them unstuck, they become like a drug addict. they want your love and reassurance and more - on tap. and when you're finally sucked dry they go looking for titty somewhere else. the idea there is they're uhm, possibly not aware that what they want does not matter in so far as it is hurting other people. they might be aware on some level that they do not care. and it is this do not care ' he can do what he wants' crap that is the second last layer of the software. undneath that is total spite and the fear of abandoment, which shows the false entitlement isues another way. 'he feels like you are abandoning him whn you do not meet his unrealistic and abusive expectations' and so he might be UNDEVELOPED MIND, he might be 'retarded' in development. No he isn't. He just has a toxic worldview. He's a Cartma that didn't meet the dog whisperer. If in some of that you can figure out whether he would know he's doing it cool if not be nice if Professor Sam replied it is his channel

[@natalkaflower]

Great comment. Sums up the experience well. As well as the lessons, including ignoring the red flags and intuition telling you something is up. One thing I like to reflect on is what was so broken in me that I allowed this person into my life and was so desperate for his attention I ignored the red flags and disregarded my boundaries. It doesn’t help that I was too trusting and couldn’t even fathom these creatures resembling humans exist .

[@PollyPop.]

You are completely describing my current journey. I keep second guessing myself on multiple angles on multiple remunerations...because I don’t know quite who I am anymore. I’m staying away and healing. I will attract better people when I am healed. It’s lonely right now...But necessary. I owe it to my beautiful soul 🙏 I’m practising self love, rather than handing over that responsibility to someone less capable than me! ❤️ Stay strong beautiful souls.

[@oilselevated4808]

My abuser of 32 years died a year ago, I realize he can’t hurt me anymore but I’m still struggling

[@oilselevated4808]

@@theoriginal7727 thank you. I actually found an amazing therapist and am doing well🙏

[@fatio6397]

My narcissist passed away in 2008, I'm still emotionally struggling as well...

[@oilselevated4808]

@@fatio6397 I’m doing great now! Once I realized that I was doing it to myself, I did everything in my power to 360* those feelings. I kept a journal (so I can see my improvements). Found an amazing therapist. Distracted myself every time I had a ruminating thought. Did things that gave me pleasure and finally took myself out of the prison in my mind. You can do it and be free🤗

[@wikkiyildiz]

As a linguist who used to work at the University, but somehow was trapped by the narcissistic personality and was removed from almost all areas of life for 13 years, I totally got what you mean. The moment i “woke up” , my first step was to separate one buy one thoughts and emotions, to sort them out and put to the trash those which don’t belong to me. I am still working on it. I got few times medical check up for my brain, because I used to forget everything, like the day before didn’t exist and all days were literally the same. I don’t know why and how, but after I got out of the cage no migraines, no forgetting and good keeping of everything in my had. I remember first when I started having these strange feelings that something was wrong, I told him many times “ you cannot take me from me”, but he did. Now i am on my way back to myself.

[@amberfuchs398]

"The music of abuse" resonates strongly. It does have words, meter, tone, selective silence, etc. It also creates dissonance in the nervous system. Whereas, secure attachment behaviors help create harmony.

[@eschretz5363]

This is what dictators do to masses of their followers and why their followers become so emotionally attached and vulnerable to them.

[@angelabardoe3752]

Selective silence. Truth.

[@fredifeinkost1985]

Great comment! I can confirm the effects on the nervous-system by a personal experience. In my case, my left hand remained shaking for month (!) after a single, random encounter with such an abusive person. The shaking finally stopped, but the memory in my mind remains scary.

[@RoadLessTravelled-o2p]

soooo interesting, i couldnt act while I was married to the narcicist. I thought it was me. Once husband cheated / discarded and left me, my kids and I have been getting so much done. Starting businesses, exercising, growing as people. While the narc was here is was like we were all frozen and couldnt move.He was never obviously abusive, but he always repeated everything. He was structured and always repeated everything. His language was odd and he was very predatory.

[@Florence3121]

“Healing is becoming you again” But if you were born in that system, if your abuser is your mother, then what are you supposed to become? Your own true self never got the chance to develop, it was crushed from the start. Thank you for the great video/insights, Pr. Vaknin

[@6drk6mrc6]

For me it was my father and still nobody fucking notices it in the family, it is covert and mild.

[@brownsugar9886]

I met a narcissist who used ketamin to disassociate. So now I get why.

[@samvaknin]

@@brownsugar9886 Dissociate.

[@emmaester5284]

I found a 12 step programme-(al anon-saved my life) they talk about HOW to recover-honesty openness and willingness/and they talk alot about detachment ,with love,-I did love the narcs -there’s daily meetings on zoom-and yt ‘shares’ about loosing self to the dis-ease of alcoholism(ism stands for internal spiritual malady) I think of narcissism as a spiritual sickness:malady -it may help xx (if youv ever been affected by alcoholism in anybody or even to understand and learn please come by) xx also listening to AA shares and NA shares helped me as I was addicted to these sick people-I had the problem of going back!!! It just helps-please try them xxx

[@AllyCurtis-tk6ry]

❤❤❤❤😇😇😇🧐🧐🧐🫣🫣🙈🙈 Idea: The old religious figures/Greek attempt to give mental and physical diseases through black magic and the medical community. They are schizophrenia. They are narcissism. ✊️✊️✊️✊️✊️✊️✊️✊️ The old religious/Greek figures have put people in genders of bodies that are not their own with an evil purpose. This is why trans people exist. And surgery is a basic human right. They are also responsible for detransitioners existing. They abuse on gender and sexuality and control in these areas to attempt to confuse and change souls from who they are. The old religious/Greek figures are all controlling our bodies and are the voices. They are getting in our bodies to rape, murder and speak thoughts that are not our own. They have long term evil intentions and a very long past to cover up. 🫷🫷🫷🫷🫷🫷🫷🫷🫷🫷🫷🫷 Religion has been used against the human population and the fear of hell for a long-term purpose of keeping us controllable. This is beyond full body/mind control they can do magic style. The old religious/Greek figures are arranging the marriages/relationships of the populace without consent. The psychic rapes are from old religious/Greek figures not a human person. It’s not kundalini as well. 🫷🫷🫷 Twin flame is very dangerous. People from above are attempting to pair you up as they did previously. It’s a fate based system where everything is chosen for you on birth. That life is just planned and it actually is by the old religious/Greek figures to be honest. But truly if you think about extreme poverty and acid attacks you’d have to see life is not fated. It’s a mess. The universe couldn’t know you at 0. I would never try to take the idea of love or potential of love from someone. It's the idea it was created on birth your lover and it's very fate based. The world and you was done the day you were born. And it can be used against you the idea of a match up that is chosen in advance of you becoming you by the universe (but is the old religious figures). And that things are set in stone and you don’t choose your partner. It sets you up to not see abuse and to accept any treatment because they are the one. It’s so dangerous. You have a forever someone who will have to work to remain your forever just like you will but it’s not set in stone and no one knows who it is besides you. You just will have a lover. And it’s the religious and Greek figures trying to control people to get together. By forcing souls to be with one another without consent through manipulation and control. Trying to get in the idea that the universe knows your partner or yourself better than you. Trying to plant signs of something that is not. They do this with all sorts of topics. They are the one touching you and talking to you. Evil Cupids. Evil People. We all will win though. And people will know that control exists. Who is truly at fault. And love will be found. If you want it. And there is unlimited food/drink in heaven. I wish you all the best. 😅😮😢…😂❤🎉❤❤❤🤩🤩🤩🤩🥹💖🙏🙏🫶🫶🫶🫶🤩🤩🎉🎉🎉🎉😊😊😊😊😊

[@cielciel1535]

A strong self =The shared fantasy is doomed,it cannot be sustained .

[@aijazsiddique8713]

Yeah. A strong self means that it will be difficult to become enmeshed with the abuser.

[@cynthiadidier977]

The narcissist, the stalker, the love bomber neighbor man who moved into my apartment group in May 2022 directly across from my apartment immediately repeatedly started hitting on me. I didn't confront him; I just turned and walked away. I repeatedly refused any conversation with him. Finally, he became so frustrated he began a smear campaign with people in this complex that don't even know me; some bought it, and others did not. When I would go get my mail, he would come out of his apartment, do his thug stance, and glare at me like he was going to beat me up. Catch me driving into the complex and run down the sidewalk to stand and glare at me as I park my car, always working to catch my eye. July 2023- spoke to management (he's just messing with you, they laughed), and I have spoken to the police (it's not against the law for someone to give you mean looks). I don't even know this man's name to file a protection order. I cannot afford to break my lease. After I talked to management his behavior let up, then started back up in October 2023 to date. Oh yeah, turns out this retired man is married to a disabled woman. I will be moving as soon as my lease is up. I am 70 years old.

[@SuzyMartinez-f3n]

Creepy

[@liliaaaaaaaa]

I live in the UK & moved to a new area recently where I have experienced stalking behaviour from different guys. I've experienced similar experience to you, with behaviour ranging from lovebombing, to stalking to hyper aggressive behaviour at me randomly just while minding my own business just going about my own life in my neighborhood. I've called the police in all situations but they've just taken notes & made reports & done nothing beyond give me advice because so far nothing has escalated to violence. I dealt with 1 guy by talking to his family who got him to stop. Another guy is the steward of some land I rent, he also was pestering me & acting like a stalker giving me flowers one minute then breaking my fences, stealing my firewood & cutting up timber I'd saved to build with & burnt everything against my permission like a psycho the next. Now I just avoid him where possible & have complained to the secretary & have put up some new fences with my partner & make sure I never go alone now. I recently had another guy in my neighborhood coming up to me randomly harassing me & telling me he would slap me around just for feeding birds outside my building. I talked to the police as well as the maintenance. The police suggested making sure I keep my phone with me & be ready to film him & find out his address if he approaches me again so they have evidence to prosecute him if necessary they can take him to court to prosecute him if he continues. I talked to the maintenance caretaker & his wife & some other residents to get some moral support. After the last time he almost ran me over & threatened me, I was shaking with anxiety. I talked to the police, then I told myself that I didn't want to be intimidated & I needed to be strong & prepare myself mentally to deal with him if I saw him again & make a plan & rehearse how I would deal with him. I figured I know what car he drives now so I can check if it's there to avoid him. I got an umbrella to take with me which is a natural deterrent. I figured if I see him I can just avoid him & film him if he approaches me. Last time I saw him, he was sitting for me in his car, next to where I feed the birds & I saw him waiting for me. So I just stayed on my side of the road next to my building, & went to talk to one of my neighbours. I just stood there & talked to her until eventually he got bored of waiting for nothing & walked off. I saw him a few days later outside my local supermarket but he didn't see me. His body posture looked miserable, weak & depressed. From what I gather, he looks like a divorced single guy, disappointed in life. Now I've worked out how to just stay clear of him, & just avoid him if I do see him. I feel more confident. I think the issue with these kinds of guys who target women is that they clearly have issues they want to take out on women even they don't know. So you just need to find support & be prepared to take measures to avoid them or document them if you can't. Talk to someone in your building block, & ask the police for advice & plan how you will deal with him so you're not intimidated. Don't suffer in silence. ✌️

[@saradwyer2451]

This makes so much sense when we loose “self” we disassociate from reality to deal with it!

[@katiedid9601]

And yes, I am mourning the lost time that I was not fully present for my husband, my children who are now adults, and understand completely what my mother has done to me. What a horrible thing!

[@luarnastrahan343]

I love the sense of humour 😊I escaped after 20 years with a narcissist. I’m so grateful I have my sense of humour, it has kept me sane.

[@juliabarlowtaylor4030]

Hello Prof. Sam..I am a 69 yr old woman who 18 months ago discarded my narcissist after 30 years of torture..mental, spiritual , physical and emotional. I am a former Registered Nurse Midwife and hold 5 qualifications. I never write back to any of the other many podcasts but feel compelled to contact you to congratulate 🎉you on your brilliant mind. You have helped me so much and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Everything is starting to make sense..but as you know we never stop learning. I don't know what country you are in but I am in Australia. I'm so sorry to hear of your childhood..I too suffered greatly but learnt to forgive. Thank you SO much..and yes you are a genius!!❤

[@11mimiriri]

North Macedonia

[@loekiekanters4295]

I was in a coma for 29 years. I think I brainwashed myself. Then I started remembering things again. The result was a dark night of the soul. Memory is indeed important. I had been analyzing my dreams for a long time. And finally in a dream lay the key.

[@aijazsiddique8713]

Incredible. Had a similar experience. I literally went through a dark night of the soul when I started remembering everything. It shook me.

[@christinamunoz4163]

Boy would I love to drive around town with this video blaring on a mega speaker 😂😂😂 I think everyone should be warmed of these tapeworms, they’re around every corner.

[@nhopkins1979]

I do blast it around town because I'm hard of hearing 😅😅😅

[@suzannefoglesong3278]

Thank you for affirming that my strong sense of self, integrity, and strong values have saved me from surrendering to predatory relationships. I simply thought that I was stubborn.

[@elizabethmiller3384]

Professor Vaknin, I listen to your videos mostly at night so I don’t get interrupted and I can think. This one was mind-blowing as I have been examining my anxiety, when it occurs, what triggers it. I’ve been trying to figure out my niggling feeling that it is a learned behavior, not my own. Now I know it is from two npd parents who had severe anxiety themselves and modeled it throughout my childhood. I don’t need this anxiety, it’s not mine and now I have to figure out how to disable it, to get rid of it. It is a physical reaction that I don’t ask for. Thank you for this enlightenment. I’m 71, the last one is finally gone and the fog is lifting

[@superflymidgetpi]

You are a great teacher and hilarious man. I’ve been devouring your material, having been in a devastating and painful 7 year relationship. I particularly appreciate your incisive and creative language.

[@sassierover]

@@ladyvirgo013same 12 years.. now being discarded. Thankfully 😊

[@ΜΑΡΙΑΠΑΠΑΔΟΠΟΥΛΟΥ-π7ω]

And at the end of the day, we victims watch Professor Vaknin's videos struggling to heal ourselves via understanding what it was that happened to us, that emotionally sadistic situation that would turn into sexually sadistic, had we victims not ended it and the egocentric man is already flirting and partying as if all that had never been real. So enlightening Professor Vaknin, totally describing my mental and psychological state in details. I am 45 and still learning myself and others. Thank you.

[@Cc07]

This is the most brilliant way I have ever heard anyone discuss complex trauma. Genius, i wish more in the field were like you❤🙏

[@reinad9957]

Omg this is what I can’t explain to people when they say why do you go back? I feel addicted. So he controls my emotions and I’m basically a darn zombie. Now I know why he doesn’t stay away long because then he chances me finding myself and healing. I need to recover from this so bad😢

[@_organicallyu]

I finally was able to break the trance of an insidious spiritual narcissist. Who also is a dj which blew my mind with all references to music, took courses and read NLP material, and watched hypnosis videos. Lucifer was also a musician.

[@greenfields396]

Great discussion. Its not about growing and becoming better. Its about losing everything you are not

[@AlchemyByNature369]

Many Thanks, Sam! O boy once you leave Disney, it's a whole new world. Recovery is no joke and yes lots of grief to still over come. 💛🎶✨️🌻

[@emoizluv]

You are by far the most detailed and advanced teacher/healer for narcissistic abuse. Thank you so much🙌

[@SM-tl9ls]

Agreed 💯

[@happycamper3561]

I’m a 41 year old teacher raised by 2 narcissists. I’m really struggling. I have the hardest time when I’m not working. I can’t make a decision to save my life during my vacation time or weekends. I often cave and get sucked back into the abuse because I’m so lonely. I love hiking with my dog and cleaning my apartment. I worry that I will always be sad. People think of me as a positive and motivated force for good. I read my Bible and that helps me the most. I am forming a close relationship with the Lord and I believe that it the best thing I can do for my healing. I am learning that there are A LOT of narcissists claiming to be Christians. They are not following the teachings of Christ and therefore are counterfeit and probably worship themselves over any god. I love Jesus and I am growing in my faith every day. I would like to make a friend. I am great with children hence my teaching career and I always thought I would eventually become a wife and mother. I still have hope that I can form healthy attachments and have healthy relationships but it seems like it might never happen. The loneliness is the hardest part. I’m praying about it.

[@TheIsraelProphetess]

My mother and nearly every other narc that has abused me in my life were all church going Christians!!! It destroyed my relationship with God and just now, over ten years later do I feel like I can get close to god again.

[@luiscaceres4426]

When you feel lonely go out for a walk see people walking throughout the park … go have dinner at a restaurant bar people will talk to you start a conversation don’t feel lonely in a world full of people .. join a class of any sorts .. learn to dance involve yourself with things and you will see how in time you will be full of joy and with friends!

[@adriaanpretorius1073]

Hey hey im also alone...how old are you camper gal?

[@adriaanpretorius1073]

Im just not going to go to church so much...but thats oky...i like to stay at home i try to do very little...be as still as possible...🌅🦄❤️

[@XtOfjeChristopheClaeys]

I'm with you... not religious but spiritual though. ❣️

[@sandrabellerue2836]

Loved the tapeworm analogy. Retired EEG tech (brainwave) in neuropsychiatry. Your lecture absolutely dead on, in fact music played nearly 100% in his behavior. He embraced it like a heroin addict. I experienced his entrainment from age 74-76. No contact 9 mos now. Thank you for your enlightenment and imagery.

[@ThorirThorsteinsson]

Professionals treating victims don't always know what they are dealing with. Many have no insight into what "narcissistic abuse" is. Some may even be unaware narcissists themselves. The foggy trauma following a narcissistic relationship is not identical with normal grief after breakup.

[@lucyparsonage6907]

Well for childhood narcissistic abuse then, this is beyond serious.......

[@kcbertin4777]

Thank you so much for this video!!!! I’m in the messy thick of trying to separate from my abusive narcissistic husband of 9 years. I get so frustrated with myself for allowing the abuse for so long. I’m also really struggling with the fact that a mom’s BARE MINIMUM responsibility is to protect her kids… I hate myself so much for not protecting my poor sweet innocent children from what they’ve seen and suffered … he bullied them and definitely was emotionally abusive to them and they’ve also had to watch him both emotionally and physically abuse me. We’re separated right now and I have the kids but I’m so afraid I’m not going to have the fortitude and courage to do what needs to be done. I’m paralyzed by the fear that it’s true that I’m incapable of doing life without my husband’s “help” and I’m so conditioned by the infinite insults and criticisms that even though i “know” it’s not all true, i physically become almost bed bound with fear and depression and anxiety that maybe he’s right and I’m the problem. I mean how much more could I possibly be willing to tolerate??? How many more times can I listen to him call toddlers names and terrorize them!?!? I’m a smart gal, I’ve got a masters degree, I make good money, why can’t I make the decision and file for divorce?!? Why do I think I love him?!? I feel like a pathetic lazy coward, and a really terrible mom. I love these kids more than anything, I hate myself for not being better for them. If you’ve made it this far, bless you sorry, it just feels good to remind myself of reality. But man this is torture. Soul sucking misery . I just want to have the courage to file. I pray for it daily. Any advice I’m all ears. Thanks for sharing this topic. Thanks for reading

[@davidcristianisaila2300]

Thank you for your work. browsing your channel while going through this emotional hell has been eye opening.

[@sophiachampsi8953]

This is so intetesting, looking back, yes, it was a shared fantasy, I tried to explain to myself what it was that I loved about him, and its as if, I was in love with a projected image , what I wanted him to be....it all makes sense now...

[@pianomarieatthekeys2573]

Wow..what a brilliant analogy of what our brains can conjour up ..the word that comes to mind is " Copycat"..to project all their inadequacies, vile abuse, hot and cold tempers ..to give a false sense of reality..how good are they at destroying all our goodness, moral codes, and generosity unlimited, to be engulfed in horrendous tears, depressed to the core, feelings of unworthiness ..the list goes on..i will be listening to this a few times and will be taking notes..i am a musician..so i can relate to what sam is saying..this has been a lightbulb 💡 moment for me.. Amd after two years of living a dream, ive finally awoken! Thank you sam for this content..it has spoken to me deeply. Marie

[@jahlive1243]

I highly doubt that the one I dealt with was ever smart enough to do any of this on purpose. I really think its just naturally the way a narcissist is wired. He’s the smartest dummy ever. And Sam, the material is not hard to understand when you’ve gone through 15 years of abuse. I can pinpoint every step you described in my own *relationSHIT.* Now that I’ve woken up from this “dream” I’m highly pissed off with myself. I was willfully being an idiot. I appreciate the disgust I feel for this person but it was at my own expense. Never once came close to being worth it and somehow I stayed for 15 years. 🤮😤🤬

[@samvaknin]

Narcissists don't do any of this on purpose.

[@illil1844]

Explains why societies where learning is based on oral traditions repeat certain behaviors in oral narratives - usually to create the social norm. Always thought this and now I must read more

[@11mimiriri]

Interesting. Could you please give us an example of that kind of society? Many thanks.

[@paulatidwell8580]

Thank you for helping all of us who are on a mission to find ourself again. It feels like a horrible whirlwind while you’re in it. And coming out of the confusion and fog is a godsend. I am still more shocked that I fell into this in the first place. Hit me hard out of nowhere. Thank you again!

[@alfredajohnson5587]

I am blown away by your brilliance and I agree with you about the brainwashing of verbal and physical abuse of a narcissist. Truly you are a genius in neuroscience and psychology. I am a psychology student. Thank you.

[@professorchaos9]

The flow state and the loss of memory. On point

[@redcrowdemon]

Maddy Longhurst (not Nigel) here. This is horrific! My covert narc discarded me for a second time two months ago. He had been grooming me for 38 years (yes!!) and when our partners died we got together (in 2014). Then my daughter got metastatic breast cancer in 2015 and died in 2020. Looking back my narcissist was a complete nightmare through that time. He self-confessed he had zero empathy for my daughter (or us, her family) Good God!!! I’m freaking out. Thank you Sam - and Help!!!!

[@JinJinDoe]

Why tf would you comment from your abusers account?

[@AlchemyByNature369]

@JinJinDoe you said it! First step in healing is admitting our part.

[@godsavethecoffeecake]

How did you know I needed this video? I frequently watch your videos right before bed to commit it to memory. The PTSD and intrusive thoughts are relentless. I hope I fully heal one day.

[@KleenaSupre]

DV?

[@adriennedouke1880]

I know what you mean. This video is just what the dr. ordered. I have struggled for years now to get this person out of my head. Just constantly thinking of him. It's driving me nuts. I just want him gone from my consciousness. Hoping to one day wake up and he is gone. Thank you Sam for the enlightenment.

[@alvildasophiaalegria800]

They stop being relentless. Remember to be patient, hence kind to yourself. It took me two years, out of 65, to unravel the madness in my brain. I hope this helps you.

[@KleenaSupre]

@@adriennedouke1880 how much is the ptsd and how much is entities or energy or mirror switches if someone bombarded your head you might take awahile to undo the bombardment (spiritual segue)

[@rebeccaj7164]

​@@adriennedouke1880 I've had the same - you are not alone. Some spin a much stronger web of confusion than others. You will get through this. As others have said be kind to yourself and keep declaring daily that you will overcome. Faith is the vehicle of recovery with narcissistic abuse. Faith is believing when you can see no way out. God is the healer of all wounds no matter how traumatic. Sometimes we go through these things not so that we can return back to who we were before the narcissist but so that we can be a new creation after and one that is even better and stronger and spiritually deeper than before.

[@larryparks1520]

Really appreciate your work. I thought i knew people. I had no idea!

[@sabrinat.8146]

😱 this is the best thing ever i have listened to to scare me enough to choose to never again think at that person again ❤

[@AlchemyByNature369]

Is there a support group we can All join so we can share our experiences? I ask this because until I found Sam, I thought I was crazy. When explaining these behaviors, to people, they are very unbelievable. Covertness goes very deep and is very disturbing.

[@redcrowdemon]

I hope so! (Maddy here not Nigel)

[@italiama79]

Let create a group. People that haven't experienced this do not understand it and think we're crazy

[@hardhatcatboi]

100%! Do NOT go to therapy with the narc! They are master manipulators and they WILL turn the therapist against you and then YOU will be the one with the personality disorder

[@patriciaortiz2069]

Yeah nobody believes this happen to us they think I’m crazy when I tell the stories of what happen I guess it’s hard to believe unless happens to you I stop telling anybody this stories I was been look at as if I was crazy so I totally understand you

[@AlchemyByNature369]

@Barbara thank you. I didn't consider the 'group' thing. Long road of healing for sure. Few and far between theapists that can even relate. Finding alternative modalities of therapy very helpful.

[@rubberbiscuit99]

You describe my relationship with my ex-spouse, and my family of origin. I washed my hands of the lot of them and feel an enormous relief. Thank you Sam for your ongoing and pioneering work describing narcissistic abuse. Your perspective adds exponentially to my understanding. All the best to you. ☮️

[@tartanbessy436]

This is really helping many other explanations and conversations about this finally sink in. Thank you. I also find being autistic with many health conditions causing exhaustion and brain fog, no matter how much i know on the subject, im still easily jooped. Yes once given space and time thanks to delayed processing to figure it out i realise ive been played but jeez its hard work and complicated. Narcisists do love us ill, exhausted folk 🙄

[@briarts]

Being autistic and having grown up with narc abuse, I feel the same. I'm well-versed on this stuff and can eventually "wake up" but it still takes me a bit of time.

[@aliciaserrano888]

So true. I’ve had to ask my friends and family to remind me who I was and what I liked to do. It’s like I’ve been in a haze for 23 years.

[@atlfun08]

This guy had such a handle on shared fantasies that he was trying to support 2 at one time. Switching back and forth like a puppeteer. After the mask fell all the way off…I felt like this guy had no ownership of anything in his life like…I just work here. 😂😂😂

[@beacleary9889]

You’re my go to; you are genius to break this down in such detail, that it can’t be denied; this IS what’s happening..Thankyou for you’re amazing help…x

[@sandragalloway3275]

Liked your description of becoming a clone of yourself.... speaks volumes. Thank you for this video.

[@shannongoulding5440]

Interesting! I used music to help heal both in and out of the relationship. I also reinforce my perspective of the abuse in my past relationship with music. I created a playlist called narcissistic detox. 😂😅 I would still take his narrative and had a hard time detaching from the shared fantasy. Whenever I listened to my narcissistic detox playlist, it would bring more power to my side, and his side held less power over me. My perspective is pretty solid now. It is A LOT of work!

[@Marie23305]

Can you share some of the music you used?!

[@shannongoulding5440]

@Marie23 sure!!! Better Man, Ellie Goulding Let it Die, Ellie Goulding Narcissist, Avery Anna Narcissist, Laura Spencer Smith Better Luck Next Time, Kelsea Ballerini Lose You to Love Me, Selena Gomez Praying, Kesha You Should Be Sad, Halsey How Dare You, Rachel Grae Without Me, Halsey Love Myself, Hailey Steinfeld Heart Like A Truck, Lainey Wilson Undo, Sanna Nielsen Free Me, Anees

[@shannongoulding5440]

They are aware of it enough that they actively go seeking their emotional needs in ways they know will create conflict in a person's life. So I would be a person who agrees that they are aware... I would think there are various degrees in which they may not understand the full effect they have on the supply. I also have an inspirational playlist I listen to. The Narcissist Detox is used to help me strengthen my side of the story, especially when I hear his version of me play in my head.

[@RAMRRR545]

And the narc I was with used music itself to cave me in!!

[@mallikasomershein1108]

​@brendoni I think mostly subconscious. Abusers are the former abused. They are self-centered, so caught in their own emotions that they can't see outside of their own feelings or unwilling to see the harm they cause others bc it would damage their self-concept of being right/eous) plus it's the only way they know how to get their needs met, so it's a zero sum, you VS me game, where they are the "loser" if not being the abuser.

[@invasivegmail1732]

« Wine break: tough material » Hahahaha, I love you, Sam!

[@latifadogan9842]

Thank you for this insight , no one explains as well as this man

[@Emilia-hu4dx]

Thank you, prof. Vaknin. I really need my brain back.

[@Капибаркинс_123]

Я смотрю на вас и буквально идеализирую, огромное спасибо вам, потому что то, что вы озвучиваете беспокоило меня долгие 15 лет и я не могла понять что со мной не так и никто меня не понимал, я копалась в себе, и оправдывала нарцисса всегда, но теперь мне все стало понятно и встало на свои места, я чувствую себя свободной спустя столько лет😢❤

[@AgentStoobing]

You summed it up beautifully, and it's so damn common - how do we ever get free of this?

[@lulubelle1040]

This sounds like how we fall in love and stay together over time. It seems uncomfortable.

[@PollyPop.]

We are frequency and vibration 🙏

[@mindyjones333]

You have single-handedly helped me to finally understand and give words to what has been happening to me for 8 months. I cannot thank you enough!!!

[@Inspire_SelfLove]

-Dreaming of Fantasy - The Perfect Fairytale Beginning, Hiding All the Lies in Fantasy. It is but a Dream until it was the Living Nightmare of Reality. 🖋️ Tania Nay 8-30-22 This is a poem I wrote when I was in the middle of my ugly divorce from a narcissistic!! & It totally sounds like what you are discussing. I haven't shared this too much. But I feel it was such a short to the point poem, hope you enjoy. And I hope it helps wake up anyone lost in one of these relationships. Thanks so much for your videos. I'm pretty new to your world (only a few months) BUT THIS HAS HELPED ME process and make so much sense of my situation after my initial healing.

[@mariaelenarodriguez6188]

Dr. Vaknin, your videos have been of enormous help to understand my experience and myself (and the narcissist). Thank you so much.

[@AsheepAtthewheel101]

Humor in the face of everything can make us connect and resolve things better 😊

[@aqualove2054]

I feel like I was possessed

[@inferno3080]

Same

[@natalkaflower]

I had so many demonic dreams while he was in my life, including one where I looked in the mirror at myself and my eyes were all white like I was possessed

[@marialaurabaez3733]

Same😥

[@joycefiore2721]

I told him i was under a spell... addicted..

[@kamilacanbell]

Your knowledge and insights into psychology are downright addictive! I can't stop watching your videos. Thank You for sharing your wisdom, and I can't wait for more videos!

[@N_N36900]

After 20 years and still with a narcissist, I’m sure that I’m damaged to the point I can’t have another relationship, and I’m sure that I can’t trust anyone, I feel like a robot most of the time.

[@tanyablanton6720]

Get out! God will help you!

[@aijazsiddique8713]

Get out as soon as you can! There is great hope if you take the first few steps.

[@liliaaaaaaaa]

Thank you professor Vaknin, I really appreciate finding your videos online at this time in my life. They are really helpful.

[@mauraorrell8766]

If the narcissist wants you to behave in a certain way or accomplish particular goals, could self sabotage be a form of rebellion against the narcissist?

[@bobbyoldsmith9425]

This is a wonderful video. It explains exactly what I have done all my life in relationships. I have had three intimate relationships I have been groomed in two to give myself up and love bombed in one. Grooming is different to love bombing. I was really in a dissociative state in all three. I have remembered who I am and I reclaim myself.

[@erickanorris567]

The best thing that can happen is when the abuser becomes so self confident they forget the intermittent reinforcement . I was able to release myself for a relative with cluster B traits. When she noticed I wasn't playing along she kept trying and I finally actually said flat out " you forgot the intermittent reinforceemnt" I work in animal behavior, it's all the same thing, people, dogs, horses, parrots.

[@briarts]

That is what happened with my recent ex. She had me under her control at first until she began implementing way more punishment than reinforcement. I'm a BCBA. I even started tracking frequency data for "good days" and made an operational definition. I stopped playing along and started calling her out on things. I was thinking of ways to safely break-up when she discarded me.

[@ScottWebb27]

@@briarts very interesting. they get lazy! Or do they just start to seriously love the abuse and being cruel? Hm

[@briarts]

@@ScottWebb27 , I think they always love the abuse but some do get to a lazy point and overestimate how strong their control is.

[@Wilde_Childe]

I am lucky my narcissist enjoyed getting fresh supply out at the bars and would leave me alone for hours or days on end while he sought validation elsewhere. I felt abandoned and it was extremely hurtful but looking back, I can see those times spent utterly alone & away from his influence allowed me to begin to come back to myself.

[@petrinaude6032]

You are really helping a lot of people through your work!

[@UntetheredGrace]

This is one of the most Powerful videos Ive ever seen. And your closing sentence... wow. Thank you.

[@JGraham-hx8gm]

I was in hopes that a video would come out on how to get pass the narcissist. This video is deep and makes so much sense

[@ttct9035]

Thank you for covering this topic again.

[@DeliaPope]

Dear professor Vaknin, I truly value your videos and explanations so much! They are so helpful to me! I've come out of the "spell" I had been entranced to stay in for many years of my life. Things are getting clearer and clearer to me every day, but I still find myself vulnerable at times in various subtle ways to the reemergence of the treacherous "magician" that had once colonized my whole mind, life and ownership of myself. That is why and how your work helps me so much! It helps me understand things that still didn't make sense and reconcile a lot of the anguish and sorrow that still visit me, even after all this time I've forced myself to stay away and keep staying away from the abuser and his abuse! Thank you greatly and you have all my respect for your work and presentations! PS: I loved the wine break! 🤩😄 I'm right there with you! 😊Cheers! 😍

[@heidismutti]

This is familiar. My emotions were 100% his. I didn’t like who I became when I was with him. So sad.

[@Isee2121]

You only get this if you have been there enmeshed in the spiderweb and driven totally insane. The way out is focus on yourself, body and breath.

[@aijazsiddique8713]

Great advice. Grounding and exercising. Breathing.

[@sunshinereggae2781]

I am trying to get him out of my house since almost 2 years…he doesn’t care about court or restraining orders 😢

[@joyoussouls]

I absolutely appreciate everything you have shared with us in this video! Thank you!

[@patriciaortiz2069]

Explain why they repeat words so many times like making sure it’s deposit in your brain as a song that you can never forget

[@AlchemyByNature369]

Like watching a horror movie...sticks in your mind.

[@AlchemyByNature369]

Operation mind crime, it's a thing.

[@KleenaSupre]

Attempted DDOS attack its not your brain though its more like your mind DDOS if you dont know is like they get lots of computers to brute force a server, so they all bombarded it with repeated shit, it doesnt even have to be relevent or useful, its about taking up resources, its about controling information flow so that the doors of the server are cracked open, and then once they are in they can do what they like until the system detects the attack and then does antiviral responses etc from there they could do lots of things like say, make a clone administrator to remote control the server. technically when they use DV to put a negative entity on you, and then you find yourself doing shit that seems more like their shit, spiritually speaking, that's basically them having attempted to make a clone adminisrator or sub user account (so you have imposters, right) If you dont believe in spirituality that's fine. Technically its pretty fucking serious, the game is very simple it has many strategies but its the same every time Total Control And controlling you through mere distractions is also an attempt at mind control because of the use of cognitive resources it takes. When they do it on purpose. If you're talking about say, your kid nagging you for a glass of water and saying there is a monster under the bed, they're not trying to control your mind, they just want to know that they will be unconditionally loved and supported by their parents. The narcissist might have those tendencies except for the TROLL factor. They are known pretenders so they have even told researchers 'their parents didn't love them and they were deprived' leading to the ;arrested development; myth. When actually they are more like cartmans who lack safe boundaries and moral compass because they were molly coddled and called perfect prince, and not told in a respectful operant conditioning modality, that they cant do that shit and there are limits and they find it absolutely world shattering to find that there are like say if they are repeating shit to you and you just say shut the fuck up and walk away

[@KleenaSupre]

Professor Vaknin does that sometimes buzzwords and techwords are like that also NLP does this

[@KleenaSupre]

@@justmemother2 not really. they actually like getting other people to talk for them. remember, they're in a state of projection, so its never them, its someone else.

[@terriby1]

I cannot thank you enough for the lecture. I am getting fighting to get away from loss of self.

[@bebahojt]

The spider and the fly.

[@sophiebazgier9596]

Shared psychosis ha ha Thank you for your video and your sense humour. It is - unfortunately, 100% like you describe. I am after nelly 1 year after getting out...still fighting with this mind inside of me which are not mine. Jealousy, competition, grief... everything which cutting my authensity and creativity...

[@Lehanii]

Okay listened twice now... the content here within is where its at, thanks Professor Sam !!!

[@hopeinhumanity.]

I’ve witnessed this in domestically abusive relationships particularly the woman. Dampened and constricted emotions like a snake that constricts its prey.

[@michaelduong5562]

Thank you Mr. Sam for this video and explaining how it is. Very informational video on what is going on inside the brain when dealing with someone of this nature. I have started seeing this is what the narcissist is trying to do to me. But I won't let it and I continue being myself and to counter the narcissists attacks by not giving in. And do the opposite of what the person wants.

[@Sorsha011]

Extra fascinating to me due to the fact that the narcissistic person I've been involved with IS a musician. I've had a very difficult time breaking away from him, and especially crave to go see him play.🎶 Thank you for the insight.

[@ariellamaizels]

wow this is like a breath of fresh air, thank you!

[@tripzville7569]

Great content. A lot of this reminds me of Psychosis . Psychosis - Severe mental disorder in which the suffers contact with reality becomes highly distorted.

[@4207SumiB]

OMG! I have used this phase…”this man was a worm that is eating my brain”…in the past 2 years. I wondered why I couldn’t rid myself of his parasitic nature. I went ‘no contact’ 7 months ago and at times still feel controlled. I am grateful for having survived but there only medicine and that is absolutely no contact! It is a challenge but one that I will conquer!

[@aijazsiddique8713]

Yeah it gets better. Keep at it. I had a pretty bad experience with a malignant narcissist almost a decade ago. Took me years to realize. But then I felt he was always on my mind. These days its more manageable. Yeah it can take a long time.

[@rameshsrivastavachandra]

This video changed my life !

[@alvildasophiaalegria800]

No I understand how come I couldn’t get their ‘hands’ off me. Entrainment and Individuation. But for me to get this I needed to grief them being my reverse mirrors. 😕 And I didn’t like what I saw. Thanks much professional Sam! Everything during my past two year daily lessons on your work is coming full circle. I need to understand how mortification plays out a little more, in my behavior.

[@wd4402]

Approx min 9:00, in my experience with shared fantasy, I felt no need to "act" because the fantasy was so good, it felt like I had already arrived and therefore action felt unnecessary and possibly even detrimental to the beauty of the fantasy state.

[@salamdeaa1278]

please Talk more about how do we get out of this merging..

[@moonmaiden7234]

Can you heal from this? I have been struggling for 3 years now. I’m obsessed with my abuser. I’m terrified that I am the narcissist.

[@DelSunflower33]

You are not and even if you hav traits you are here commenting watching this most importantly AWARE!!!!!

[@smithashenoy2742]

Iam your far professor... It's so interesting. I am able to understand actually what happened with me now. Your statements are so satisfying, so meticulous and deep. We are synchronizing beings.. 👍Just a wonderful finding.

[@jenniehallmark-platero2325]

Great content and accent. I thank you for helping us by being authentic and loving yourself and us enough to teach us what we wish we knew since birth 😇🥰

[@sunseekr]

just like water we absorb every word in our cells you can free your mind and body of narcissistic abuse using many steps to heal❤❤❤your soul wakes up when your ready to heal..free will...no one can take that away🎉

[@11mimiriri]

Please could you give an example of few steps? Many thanks.

[@donnaboness7243]

This was extremely helpful!