7 Crucial Steps to LET GO and MOVE ON From Someone

[@OnjelieMarie]

I LOVE how you are calling it out as addiction because that’s exactly what it is.

[@PinPinKula]

to loverboys cokc?

[@pallawi]

I was addicted to my abusive lover, but it became too painful to be connected to him. I had to leave and let go. I had no other choice. I'm in nine months of absolute no contact now. There is calm and peace of mind. Yes, it does feel boring but it is empowering too. Last week I bumped into him and his new wife, I couldn't sleep that night. But nothing after that. It has gotten better with time. I'm focusing on myself, the new me, on improving my skills and financial stability, it has made me more confident. Cheers! Better days are coming!

[@robbertwww]

Wish I had no child with them :)

[@darkprinzeschen]

I had never thought about it that way, but it totally makes sense. We get addicted to the attention they give us, to the dopamine hit when they message, or when we see them and it's all like the honey-moon phase at the start of a relationship, as you don't see each other that much, so you only get the nice dates, intimacy etc. Not the real connection, the difficult moments, the compromise etc you get in a real relationship.

[@annabaty8888]

What really helps me is to give those guys nicknames when I think about them, which reflect the true situation. It is very effective in order to reduce the feeling of attraction and excitement. For instance, I met a guy who was not investing in me so I called him "Mister Boring" in my head. When I received a text from him for instance I told myself " Oh, Mister Boring has just texted me" or when I saw him in the streets I told myself " Oh, here comes Mister Boring". It is a funny way to help not beeing carried away by someone who does not deserve it.

[@christinedtr1349]

I call him the zombie ghoster from hell!! Lol…nice that you think this way too!! Good not to be alone in “recovery “ 😆😉💕✌️

[@Thisismebutme2.0]

Woah. I think imma use this. Massive thank you for this tip. Love ya girl

[@RussellDeacon]

Spanky Amy and sleazy Kevin were the first time I started naming to create distance. I can't bring myself to give my lover a name though. I will always love her but I broke away because as she is... She ain't good for the men in her life.

[@ShopgirlNY182]

Boy do I resonate with this. Trying to just cut off ties with someone who was your best friend, comfort person, support person is so bloody hard. It’s like a part of your heart & soul is just gone and you feel heartbroken, sad and lonely but I know deep down I have to feel the pain to heal it even though I still don’t want to let them go. 😢

[@kaworu67]

it doesn’t seem to matter how many times i hear this advice, i just can’t seem to even want to take it

[@smolfrenchbean]

Same here

[@DARKMADNESS666]

And that's ok. Don't let anyone tell who to be. Like horgath tells the iron giant. "You are who you choose to be"

[@tinachristine4573]

Go for therapy and address the separation wound you have. Also consider getting assessment for neurodivergence eg ADHD and autism. Untreated anxiety can also evolve into OCD and obsessive behaviour and a love interest can become the focus of that obsession. There are way way more conplex things at play, that cannot be just reduced to 'stop talking to him and you'll be okay'. I realised that my ADHD was a key reason for my hang ups and obsessions. Knowing this helped me a lot, I can now safely disengage with the full awareness that if that person pops into my head again it is just a nerve pathway that my brain created, and it means absolutely nothing, and I can let that thought go without tension and distress.

[@whitetigerification]

It's not easy. I haven't been able to accomplish it yet

[@ireefree2024]

From self experience. It is like Matthew told like addiction. As harsh as it sounds you haven't had your breaking point. Maybe never will or the other person will cut you off. That happened to me. Worst and best thing ever happened to me. Today I'm happy married but only therapy and self awareness saved me as well as Matthew advises... It's never too late.

[@cathywoo44]

"Play the tape forward" ... brilliant and noted! Thank you.

[@annasalkeld6379]

Yes! In other words resist the urge to do something that you know you’ll regret later.

[@CarlaBatista]

One thing we learn from these situations and people is that once the signs are there we should say NO. No more accepting breadcrumbs even if the breadcrumbs feel amazing. 1st time we didn’t know how to act but 2nd time will be stupidity to go through the same again and we must act straightaway

[@OnjelieMarie]

I did the brave thing, told him to not text me and he did! I hooked up with him again and like you said, it was the same thing all over again. The empty feeling after. I finally told him I’m cutting you off and I’m blocking you since you always text me when I say not to. Started thinking about him today after a month and half. Thought about reaching out but like Mathew said, you have to let those feelings pass and it’s very hard but we are strong and could do it!

[@aatonnaa4958]

I had ended things very early with people who from the start I thought were going to bring me in a situationship. I am very proud of that. But before that I had wasted 6 months pursuing someone who clearly treated me like a placeholder. I am still angry and resentful about that to me this day.

[@wira771]

„…to see the situation less through the lens of romance, and much more through the lens of addiction…“

[@Tjudgesgirl]

Today I’m 4 weeks NC and upon reflection, this is everything I needed to hear to keep me on my path of healing. Your words are motivation that reinforces why I needed to choose myself in the end. Thank you, Matthew.

[@anaasma989]

First thing first, think of the negative sides of the person! Why he’s not good for us and that’s how we have to forget such person, let go the bad stuff (someone) from us!

[@Lotofrot]

Thankyou Matthew, first time I saw you was from a reel clip about 4 level of important, then i watched this video. The first girl I felt in love, broke up with me a year a ago and it took me nearly a year to overcome it (at least that is what I thought). When i watched this video, I have to write it down the things fit to my circumstance, then I relied that I was not fully move on. I have to think more deeply and solve the problem step to step, even it is hurt my heart so much when i do it. Once again, thankyou for the valuable knowledge you giving away to everyone around the word said from the bottom of the heart of a 21 years old teenager

[@magnaajube7784]

Mattew you have become a Guru of relationships. Thank you for sharing this to help women. There are a large number of successful men who have decided to live and do situationships.

[@Melanie-hy3ln]

Great advice! Thats what I'm dealing with since 3 years i a neverending cicle of hot and cold. My teenage dauther ask me a very good question that hits me so good: Is the high worth the low. Its all about selfworth and self trust.

[@ylimerohl4319]

Hey Matthew, I just have to thank you for these valuable contributions that you continuously bring to KZbin. The last year has not been an easy one for me. My ex and I broke up this year and there were times in my life where I was very emotionally dependent on him. You picked me up so much in the time after the breakup and even now, more than half a year later, you are still helping me with your content. I am so grateful for your work! Thank you!

[@anastazjamalczyk7683]

I let go of a relationship a month ago but I still miss them so much and I can't help but question if I'll ever find a connection that felt so deep and unique on every level, physical, spiritual and intellectual 😢 EDIT: And all that Matthew says is true, but it doesn't diminish the tremendous sense of loss and grief that I still feel, almost everyday.

[@hadiza1]

Dealing with an addiction is so faxxx.

[@stellabandante2727]

Thanks for this tough love. It's clear and unambiguous. I appreciate your work, Matthew. I especially like that it's not geared toward telling women how to manipulate a man into giving them attention. This message is far more important and real. Thank you.

[@evarkf]

Omg that’s just where I’m at, writing this 20 seconds into the video. I was just about to msg him. Still craving for him, while he’s meeting others and calling me when others are not available…. 4 years into a painful situationshp I can’t get out of it 😢

[@ssmb06]

Wow! Thank you, Matthew. I really needed this video.

[@beatap4425]

Matthew you have helped me so much over these last few years. I have been caught up in a situation with an alcoholic guy who keeps reaching out to me whenever his girlfriend leaves him, tired of his relapses. And even though I know he doesn’t care about me, that I’m his backup girl, I’m still having a hard time not picking up when he calls. I don’t meet him anymore, which is progress, but I still pick up when he calls, and I can’t bring myself to block him. What you said in this video is so incredibly powerful. You’re right. He’s addicted to alcohol and im addicted to him. That’s exactly how it feels. And I smiled when you described creating a new identity for yourself, one that respects themselves, stepping into my power. I look forward to trying out this new way of thinking about myself and pushing him off of this undeserved pedestal I put him on. He’s really bad for me.

[@cecilang9721]

Hello my friend, I wish we could have coffee once a week. I love a man who is also an alcoholic. His ex finally left him because he wouldn’t commit. Perhaps I have inherited him. When we are good, I feel so seen and so loved. But I’m obsessed with him and I rarely even get to see him. I am not emotionally available because I’m addicted to the idea of him when he is at his best. But the real him is there 90 percent of the time. Not the man I love, but his crappy, sh*tty asshole self. He is not robbing me. I am robbing myself. I am trying to leave him alone. I’m his option even though I’m his only woman. Being with this person is loneliness and self destroying.

[@sineadlynch4111]

Omg, Matthew is like the Dalai Lama of dating advice! Or just life advice in general 😊😁

[@christinedtr1349]

His name is…The Zombie Ghoster from Hell! Completely accurate for over 3 decades! Wouldn’t ever give him the time of day now…Clarity is soooo empowering and self loving!! You’re awesome Matthew! 🙏💯😉✌️

[@marilynoverton8142]

Matthew, this is a revolutionary concept for me. It precisely defines a relationship I had for many years, that I'm not exiting from, Thank you so much, from my heart. God bless you!

[@iSeekTear]

There's not enough pain yet. Maaan. Love it

[@JaneDonut]

I’m going to watch this on repeat… 🙏❤️

[@DT-wh4qr]

It's dopamine addiction. That's why it's hard

[@flxCat_]

Fortunately, I am noticing a change in myself. I was able to end the last relationship, which lasted 4 months, respectfully because I had recognized the pattern. The pain that I ignored for a long time or hoped would get better was unbearable and the hangover feeling was also strange and not comparable to a healthy longing. We just weren't meant to be together.

[@nabeeltharani2950]

Thank you Matthew, this is very helpful!

[@nicolatempest6199]

Absolutely Profound. Thank you Matthew. I’m still in solitude, and have that deep deep regret you mentioned.

[@jamiecovello2830]

Thank you. I needed to hear this.

[@lizh4817]

10 years, on and off again. Picked someone else, just up and went like it was all for nothing 🥺 Run like your life depends on it. Please. Nursing this heartache is no joke.

[@EloisaAgustin-w4f]

Badly needed this

[@OnjelieMarie]

This is even worse when you’re An anxious attacher talking to an avoidant person. So addictive. Intermittent attention is more addictive than constant attention. It’s been proven in mice

[@bistravoda3687]

The timing... omg. Thank you. I feel like I know what to do next.

[@OnjelieMarie]

THIS IS GOLD

[@btwthblood]

Taking notes and moving on!

[@zahradehghani8771]

my guardian angel Matthew Hussey ❤ you are helping me so much .. I have no friends to talk to and I'm exactly in this condition right now.. God bless you and your lovely wife Audrey ❤

[@annalova8473]

Soo powerful, the advice and encouragement you need when your mind is stuck, absolutely brilliant 👏 ❤

[@gurinderbudwal8324]

I love you Mathew, I needed to hear this today 🎉❤

[@supriyasingh-gi4bg]

Already got your book,It's great!

[@sujatasadanand2375]

Beautiful piece of advice...analytical and logical...wish Audrey was there as she comes up with a women's perspective 😊

[@Tingwei883]

My ex said she found someone more expressive, someone more courageous, someone more outgoing. And that hurts so much, that i accepted all her flaws while she didnt. And it were things im working on. Then, she said 'i hope i didnt traumatize you too much' jokingly and ouch... I just dont get it, i treated her the best i could and now she jusr suddenly becomes so cold and manipulative??

[@our.secret1130]

He makes it sound so easy

[@LowSpecGamerNoob]

I needed this video so bad thank you!

[@ShaneMoran-u8p]

Needed this so helpful

[@Smaltolucido80]

Thank you very much for this great video! 🙏

[@evemarkus]

Thank you 🩷💜

[@tanalianalsworth5614]

Wow 😢this has been me for four years. I’ve been obsessed with my son’s dad. We get together then he’ll ghost me and the cycle continues. He recently moved us in and then broke up with me over text. I’m hurt . But understanding more and more I’m addicted more then anything at this point and the what ifs and hopes for the future.

[@Masa_b]

The cost of giving five years of our life to someone who knows you want kids and mariage and he just keep giving you hope instead of saying the truth and then you ask for an engagement and there is whet he disappear is probably the most painful cost I’ve ever paid !

[@OnjelieMarie]

I’m sorry

[@dianabilichenko3544]

Thank you! ❤

[@perlanicolas2251]

I love your books seriously they helped me ,for real when I talk with my friends about relationships I end quoting get the man haha

[@Ingrafre]

Matt, do you know whether you have more views from Europe - or from the US?

[@agutz1765]

I asked for a sign, and this pops up 😅

[@roxana5731]

I wish I had seen this 12 months ago

[@kimkjrulff1731]

Hi from Dennark 🙌

[@Ingrafre]

Bad men are everywhere. 👋

[@entitycreator]

​@@Ingrafre as like bad women and diverse people, who are not able to self reflect on their words.

[@PaulineBarnard]

I just cant find anyone that i love as much

[@pokestreams3688]

I have a question about a coworker who has been ignoring me after rejecting me 2 weeks ago. We work together 3 days of the week. She’s been avoiding me and she really doesn’t even want to talk to me even about work. She’s giving me the silent treatment. I’m cool with the rejection now but I’m confused about her attitude. It almost seems as if she was upset/hurt. What should be my approach to her in terms of silence and about work related things?

[@salaciouscrumb680]

The problem for me is my friend was in this kind of situation and he kept pounding away and eventually the girl changed and came around and now theyre married 15 years and I can't get that out of my mind.

[@whitetigerification]

Cutting strings and moving on is so tough.

[@shiishiro9574]

What do people mean by *The sex is great*. What’s really healthy great sex?

[@OnjelieMarie]

The connection when you’re having sex . Its indescribable.

[@FoxSleeping]

I’m going to say something nobody wants to hear, but it’s the truth so you need to hear it. You are in pain because you are having sex with somebody you are not married to. This is the consequence of that behavior. You would have to agree that if you did not have sex with this person, you would not be hurting nearly as much. I promise you this, a person who loves you truly honors you so much, they don’t want to have sex with you until you’re married to them. You can do all the mental gymnastics about what I just wrote, but it’s 100% true having sex with someone you’re not married to is working against your own best interest.

[@OnjelieMarie]

True

[@hadiza1]

Sitting! 🩵

[@millavanillia1101]

Thank you for this video and your advice Matthew. This is pure gold and I appreciate the work you put into supporting people with their love life. I'd go as far as saying you're a life saviour.❤‍🩹