Getting Along with Strong-Willed People - Cynthia Tobias

In this upbeat presentation, Cynthia Tobias explains the positive and negative characteristics of strong-willed adults, and provides tips for healthy communication at home and in the workplace. She encourages the audience to consider their own strong-willed traits, and explains how certain words or tones of voice can really alienate a strong-willed person.
Get the CD of this broadcast: bit.ly/3rVLUDf
For more resources on this topic: bit.ly/3eroEtT
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[@ramonac6237]

I am raising 6 strong willed boys, married one, and I am one. 😂 I love this talk, I see the light, finally!!

[@saramartinez103]

Lord have mercy

[@bddollen7384]

- LORD, THANK YOU FOR CHANGING THE FAILURES OF STRONG-WILLED PEOPLE - SO KIND…. !!!

[@juliewestover9774]

❤❤❤

[@marjoriebennett8443]

I prayed for help and here it is.

[@allcoolnamestaken4672]

Me too!

[@j4j.c913]

Me three!!

[@Rose2rose2]

Same🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️

[@msdixie1972]

He promises wisdom when we ask for it. 😎

[@divinelyguided3961]

Same

[@randiloreaux55]

Cynthia’s book completely changed my life. As a homeschool mom, it was so instrumental in healing my relationships with my children and allowing me to recognize who I was and who my children were and how to make those work together. BEAUTIFUL 💕 Thank you so so much!

[@puppetshack4931]

Which book?

[@diamond_p]

Beautiful! 💙

[@saints82]

We'd really appreciate knowing which of Cynthia's book's changed your life Randi. Thanks :)

[@melbakitchens6790]

Wished I could have talked to you when my strong willed child was young!

[@kathleenshaffer3145]

“You may be right.” Is my way of ending a discussion for another time.

[@b.b.finsclara3589]

I am strong willed.....and have had a life long of struggles......not ever reconizing-admitting how large my participation played with my-in my difficult life.....i wish i have had these TOOLS much earlier......my parents lacked communication skills and they passed on these deficiencies unto us......These SKILLS ought to TAUGHT AT SCHOOLS AT A YOUNG AGE......how many lives we would improve....how many conflicts lessened.....how much violence avoided!!! So much rencor, ressentment saved......SAD SO SAD few in the education and Police, Armed Forces, Intelligence sectors have missed these opportunities!!!!

[@adrienewells4436]

True immaturity shows in rebellious attitudes. Conflict resolution doesn’t mean placating swp.

[@hopefulforhumanity5625]

I raised a strong willed child and it was rough! I read ALL the books, but I never found them helpful. I think tone of voice and word phrasing are THEE MOST important tips I've ever heard. I don't remember reading that in those books.

[@meilee7613]

I noticed Cynthia modeled that…

[@christinalw19]

Oh. When the government and media was telling me what we had to do regarding Covid, I became defiant. I’m glad to be strong-willed. I obey God’s Will, no other.

[@granmabern5283]

When they used threats and fear instead of logic, I went looking for logic.😊

[@dayers8715]

@@granmabern5283 whose logic?

[@vigilantwatcher2408]

I have a difficult coworker, who definitely qualifies as a SWP. I let myself get angry and reacted to her when she was being ridiculous toward me and I don’t want to lose my power with her the next time because I lost my cool and my negative reaction was my own fault. It did not make the situation better so next time, and I know there will be, I will pause, and I will definitely react differently. Thank you for sharing this! I do pray for her, but I’m going to pray about how to react the next time.

[@sharonjohnson2965]

I read "The Way They Learn" by this brilliant woman. It helped me homeschool my son so effectively. Thank you. (That was many years ago)

[@danielleelias685]

Yes I read that book also, it helped me so very much. Love that book.

[@teresacahlik6887]

Yes, I had heard her on Focus on the Family, ordered the book so many years ago. It helped me understand my daughter’s learning style and me not have frequent meltdowns.

[@teresacahlik6887]

@kettleroland2@ yes and having fun with grand children

[@monicadaniel9439]

This was great. I usually flee confrontation, the Spirit is giving me new tools and I thank Him for adding this!

[@lindadevine9776]

This lady was awesome just what I needed to hear n the delivery was great n she was soft spoken and funny

[@Psalm_27.4]

My first thought upon hearing Mrs. Tobias was, “A certain tone of voice can alienate a strong willed person??? Well, excuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me!!!!” (Hands on my hips!) However, maybe all she is saying is that SWPs have a very deep sense of human dignity, which I can appreciate. I truly believe that we should ALWAYS honor another person’s human dignity. In fact, I think we should be as protective of another’s dignity as we are of our own! Now, THAT one thing, right there-mutual honor-would resolve ALL, (so-called) race, class, and gender issues!!! 😊❤🥰

[@vonfloryanzia138]

Yep

[@anniemccoy3009]

I would add age to race, class and gender

[@suetucker9264]

Or, is it a pride issue?

[@Psalm_27.4]

@@suetucker9264 I’ve wondered the same thing. Not sure.

[@Psalm_27.4]

@@anniemccoy3009 Yes, age belongs on the list! Thank you!

[@shaquithas]

11-11-22 from Riverside California. I needed to here this. It's going to help me. I will need to listen to this ALOT, OVER & OVER. I need healing and deliverance. I want to be a blessing to others

[@iamenough6958]

Dr Joe Dispenza KZbin

[@debrasusan73]

Fantastic!!! I'm a school bus driver, and I'm definitely going to use all these suggestions, with my students AND my coworkers!!! Haha! And I'm going to definitely tell that joke!

[@eyemares9834]

I found out while raising my strong willed son that “Do you know why we do it this way?” Worked so much better than “I told you to do it this way!”

[@edenelston7668]

I'm an SWP and so are my kids. This was definitely helpful in making me aware of my own behaviors and in understanding those same behaviors in my children

[@carmenabels1256]

Same here and I just hope I can remember all of this.

[@samantaray]

Thank you Lord for sending me this fantastic lecture. ❤

[@victoriaoshea4865]

Heard this about 6 months ago NEED TO LISTEN AGAIN

[@SavannahMares]

What a beautiful human being!! 🙏🏼🙌🏼☝🏼

[@miss_sunshine25]

If it hadn't been for focus on the family in the '80s I wouldn't have had any parenting skills at all. I never knew they had a KZbin channel. Pleasant surprise

[@4evahis343]

Fantastic. She nailed the qualities of an SWP. They really are go getters. This is very helpful information.

[@karllewis4258]

WoW! youtube has been “reading my mail”. Nice prompt youtube … you listened to the Holy Spirit. I love “Poke us in the Family”. I listened to Focus on the Family on the radio for decades. I recorded the programs on cassette tapes to listen a second and third time. And gave them to others.

[@edithbannerman4]

@Hello there, how are you doing this blessed day?

[@JaneWaweru]

She said, "check your tone" and am like, "I can't even get myself to say a word at that point. My heart will be beating 1000 times more"

[@sadiqakhan4795]

It's your tone that kept me following through with this very informative video to the end. Much blessings. Thank you.🌻

[@KCSmith1]

You just explained myself to me.

[@4evahis343]

I do feel at some point as Christians the FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT should kick in.

[@anjieismyname]

Exactly.

[@tinathomas3288]

Yes! I was looking for this comment

[@charlottefreed3813]

Amen

[@carinacoetsee2334]

Do you have a strong willed child? It's not easy. But I'm glad one part of the fruit is forgiveness.

[@kianalauder]

@@Mel84943 😊 x😢la ixsi😢😮r😮

[@Grace-bk4tq]

Assertive vs. Strong-willed A strong-willed person can have unjust or unethical demands. Assertive people are bold but respectful. They get things done while having strong principles and morals. It is a positive trait. It is not being bossy or aggressive just to get their own way whether it's right or wrong.

[@johnpaulgarcia6906]

I agree

[@carmelacox2460]

I enjoyed the message. Simply message but powerful! I haven't missed my baby milk..I have enjoyed the meat of God's Word❤

[@beachgirl9234]

Thank you with all my heart. Your personality sounds so much like mine. I needed to laugh and giggle and realize when I'm dealing with the swp's in my life, including my perceptions and how I want others to work with me. Your sarcasm is so sweet compared to some people's sarcasm I know. Your sarcasm is not pointed abusive but informative, funny and straight forward. 😄

[@Brian-rs4ug]

Yep. Getting along with strong willed people is possible. Although it does require tact and wisdom when working with them. As for the strong willed person. If they are intuitive and have the ability to self reflect. They learn to adjust and change from the inside out. Some come to realize the world does not revolve around them.

[@perfectionista492]

I agree. And oftentimes, these strong-willed people who seem to be proud of how vocal they are and how primed they are for leadership, are extremely soft and tender-hearted on the inside. They also often deal with loneliness and feeling misunderstood because many of them have the best hearts and want to help and connect with others, but because of their strong-willed nature, they are misunderstood for being bossy when they are trying to be helpful. It's very heartbreaking. I have this particular insight, because I have many strong-willed people as family members.

[@candyalexander2196]

Well said

[@emilysnead7245]

I would beg to differ on the perspective that strong-willed people believe the world revolves around them. I am one of those strong willed persons and I don't recall ever having that mindset. I am well aware that I am no more important than anyone else. Other people are extremely important to me, and I greatly respect the opinions and beliefs of others. A strong-willed (or stubborn) nature can be channeled into a determination to follow through and accomplish things that those without strong wills would more easily give up on. I believe a strong-willed person has a greater capacity for handling difficult things. A strong-willed person may be less likely to be swayed from their beliefs with more boldness to share their faith with others. On the flip side: strong-willed people tend to be bad at asking for help. And yes, we do indeed struggle to admit when we are wrong. The world needs strong-willed people as much as it needs people of any other character type.

[@Brian-rs4ug]

@@emilysnead7245 I agree, strong willed children tend to be stubborn and refuse to give up on things they have strong convictions about. It sounds like you had some admirable core values planted into your heart early on in life. (In regards to caring for others and placing them others above yourself) You are ahead of those who had to learn this later on in life. Count your blessings and be grateful that you didn’t have to learn this through unnecessary hardship and trials.

[@patrickmcmanus1360]

You know, culturally in the West weaker personalities are valued at least on a moral level. They are looked at as more neutral and innert. I would suggest to you that that's a misleading appearance. People who aren't "strong willed" often have trouble standing up for what they believe in. If you read Hannah Arendt, she suggests that in fact the root of all evil are people who refuse to stand up for what they believe in. People who can be pushed from one side to the other easily. I think assuming the truth in her analysis, it's more valuable to learn from SWP and what they have to offer and to make that sacrifice to learn their language and communicate with them. "adjust and change" is something we should all be attempting. I think people sometimes are focuses on the surface irritation and fail to recognize the rivers of value that run deep under the surface. Maybe try the see the value in people instead of zeroing in on their irritating features. Sometimes it's actually worth meeting them where they're at.

[@christiangenger]

“Why do I have to conform to you?” “You don’t. You can be miserable.” I love the relational tone and the encouragement rather than shutting down communication. The laughter in the crowd shows just how well this lesson connected, thank you very much Cynthia!!! ❤️ I just bought your book “A Woman of Strenth and Purpose”… I appreciate you!

[@jd-um4jw]

Tone is everything, everything

[@anjieismyname]

Why does it have to be a 1-way street with us bending over to accommodate them so that they don't get offended. Perhaps they should deal with the spirit of pride in their hearts.

[@berdinenickens4823]

I love it! Communication is important in getting alone with others 😉.

[@AQ-bd8ry]

Thanks for sharing this precious teaching .

[@terrymunda5767]

This is so needed right now

[@leondrawalker7304]

Iam so grateful for this teaching and learning experience for growth Grace compassion in Jesus'Name

[@Mushroom321-]

Yes!!, no one in history have calmed down from hearing " calm down " amen !!

[@maureenmuggleton5145]

Exactly what I needed to listen to today .Thank you !

[@Esther27Yadah]

Thank you for wisdom, a laugh & hope given!

[@jeslovesjesus]

This was one of my favorite broadcast you guys have done!

[@Questingmind]

I struggle this was on a Christian podcast. Esp when you’re talking about the Holy Spirit. I’m SWP… and it’s been a lifelong fight to walk in humility, esteem others more than myself… try to live the 1 Corinth 13 way. The work has to be done in MY heart… not by others learning to deal with me. As a coping mechanism with other SWP children or people.. just brilliant! Very useful and insightful … and I will def try to apply it. But I wouldn’t expect to have to apply this to a mature Christian. Puzzled by ‘ the gift of sarcasrn? From a youth with a cutting tongue , I was told it’s the lowest form of wit, but as a growing Christian? It’s no ‘gift’… It’s a fruit of the flesh.

[@patrickdavis7000]

Couldn't agree less...I don't think you are as swp as you think

[@patrickdavis7000]

Also...I bet the person who told you that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit has no wit at all.

[@bebamorales1000]

Oh dear mine! I am so blessed to hear this message!!!Thank You!

[@uofa82]

I AM the strong-willed person. And so is my only child, a daughter just like me. Help me, Jesus!🙏✝️🕊️❤️‼️

[@RoseLynnnn]

I will pray for you! I am that strong willed person & I too have an only child, a son who is also strong willed! This has helped me so much just listening to this video! 🙏❤️

[@Vida2419]

Lol... same here ... pay back. 🤣

[@sophiaramirez1088]

@@Vida2419 iOPp1

[@BitsyBee]

Ha! You mean help the rest of us 😉

[@anafloresflorestas3387]

@@Vida2419 mmmmmmmmilmkllkmkkmkmkmkkkmkmkkmkkmkkm❤

[@sandra-799]

This is mind blowing! What an answer to prayer and fasting I Now I have knowledge and skills I am grateful beyond measure!

[@doric.bermudez9885]

Thank you for sharing this broadcast. It's actually blessing 🙌

[@TexasSandyJ]

Thank you kindly. I will remember not to take the bait in the future. I will smile and be kind. Silence is also gold. 😁😁😁

[@HousesForSaleCairns]

Opposition defiant disorder - how to cope with interactions! She’s hilarious

[@Hannah-jk3dk]

I always tell my mother to be calm and to quit releasing negativety to the environment. I need to learn how to help her cause she doesnt understand

[@nanyaonwuamaeze4862]

This is a very sad/painful video for me. Ms. Tobias is very correct in her presentation but it is difficult when you are trying to live a Christian with a strong will spouse. Hopefully I will have the grace/patience to apply the wisdom principles that Ms. Tobias has shared. Thank you Focus On The Family. Well done

[@truthbetold7775]

Same 😢

[@focusonthefamily]

Thanks for sharing, Nanya! We’re glad that you found this program helpful. If you ever need a listening ear, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1‐800‐232‐6459. God’s best to you & yours!

[@bobnewman3053]

My wife and I both are strong willed. We do fight a lot. I’m hoping this will help me in dealing with her; and she with me. Thank you Cynthia Tobias.

[@lynnclark4208]

Thank you Jesus!!!

[@Blessedmama7]

This helps me SO much with my son!

[@augustinaoluchi1902]

Those who makes you sad are in control

[@patriciapettie2938]

So it Seems. sigh

[@leahjagger1309]

As an SWP , raising them and having many in my family, thank you! I needed this years ago!

[@elainethomas9532]

Thank you. God's blessings 🙏💗🙏

[@elizabethe5976]

I posit that strong willed people have high need for and tend to extend respect, and so often in culture we "nicely" disrespect and SWP recognize and resist that.

[@robinrusso1969]

Thank you....timely answer to prayers

[@annewilson6648]

Amazingly helpful..Teach this in Schools!!!!Everywhere.Replay replay!!!!!

[@Angebaby1237]

I can’t tell you how amazing this video is! My 13 year old daughter and I are not SWP!! All too many times I have to say get behind me Satan! ❤ We go in circles about subjects, I feel that this tactics will put a stop it! 😂

[@melissatowery3319]

My son is home from prison after many years and his sister died just this may of overdose…my husband is not happy with the situation. He won’t work with this and the two are fighting…I’m stuck in the middle…..two strong willed people. They have the control😢 and I’m so tired. Pray for all of us. I took the bate

[@focusonthefamily]

Hello, Melissa. We're so sorry for your loss. Our hearts went out to you as we read your note, friend. Be assured of our prayers for you, asking the Lord to draw you, your husband, and your son closer to Himself and unite your family in HIs love. May He touch you with His healing hand whenever you hurt and surround you with His peace. Also, If you ever need a listening ear, please don’t hesitate to call us at [phone]. God bless you.

[@joedevane4734]

@@focusonthefamily website

[@deborahmoseng7150]

Love, love, love this. I need to listen to this everyday. Thank you.

[@jimpemberton]

I appreciate the advice Cynthia Tobias gives. The only thing I object to is the use of the moniker "strong-willed". That implies that people who are not "strong-willed" are "weak-willed". From the advice I hear from Cynthia, SWP are less capable of not being acerbic than I am of being acerbic when I choose to be. It seems they have less control over their will than I have over mine. The best way to manipulate a SWP is to let them think they are winning. I do that with my boss all the time in order to "lead up".

[@lolaalaniz9620]

🤣

[@taras4352]

This Christian speaker isn’t promoting manipulation. She’s teaching effective communication skills. There’s a big difference.

[@jimpemberton]

@@taras4352 I beg to differ. There is an overlap between them.

[@cindyshaver3432]

Please what is an SWP🤷‍♀️?

[@jimpemberton]

@@cindyshaver3432 SWP = Strong Willed Person. Cynthia used the acronym in the video and unless I just missed the explanation (which wouldn't be uncommon), we were just left to pick up on what it meant on our own.

[@Mushroom321-]

I like the " i think i meant it differently how i said it ". 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@BelindaTN]

This is why I have an aversion to strong willed people…….then I married one. And found out that he inherited the trait. Lol not knowing how best to deal with it, I just didn’t. I just avoided it when I could and gave in when I couldn’t. Peace is more important to me, I guess. 43 years later and I still have my much loved husband that seems to appreciate me because I have put up with him. It helps that we moved into a bigger house and more property for me to have the space that I need to avoid him when I need to and he respects that. He in turn has learned to avoid me when he is in one of his very negative and angry moods that I am clueless to understand. Like he is clueless to understand why it should bother me so much. I have entertained the idea to treat him Like he does me with those strong willed and irritatable moods. Well. I can’t say that I would recommend that idea. Lol. What I can say is that my husband is a strong and honorable man that takes his job as a husband and a father very seriously and I love him for that.

[@auntymom]

The Lord knows I needed this...from a SWP clashing with another SWP 🙏

[@ingoditrust1543]

Thank you. I just learned why there are too many fires in my house with my 5 year old.

[@kjwolfe8907]

Thank you ❤️ for providing so many tools!! I will definitely use your example for how to give grace to a difficult co-worker.

[@conniejd8046]

You're mine kind of person. And it works I've tried it and it works. Thank you

[@debridgesbridges3775]

I love hearing focus on the family!

[@toniturner3478]

Oh my goodness! I love this woman!

[@edithbannerman4]

@Hello there, how are you doing this blessed day?

[@patricialancaster4320]

Overcoming the fear of swp. I want to express myself freely.

[@jotumminia6958]

Amen, I have sarcasm as well but not as much! I try to be kind!

[@alisonmorgan7238]

Oh how I wish I had this advice when I, an SW parent was parenting an SW son. It certainly would have been helpful for my SW mama when she was raising 3 SW children! (There were 4 of us but thankfully #4 was a sweetie) My son and I survived my SWP mistakes and we have a wonderful relationship now. More thanks to his graciousness than anything I did! Love covers a multitude of sins

[@ritadaniels3175]

I acknowledge that I AM a FIRST BORN & STRONG WILLED❣️ In TODAYS world tho… I question a Millennial giving someone that “TAG” when I see SNOWFLAKES that MELT @ the HINT OF WARMTH😮😢NOW THAT GETS ME UPSET & ready for battle as I have recently battled a Narcissist in my Life that I HONESTLY THOUGHT CARED… He left me for a millennial Jezebel/Delilah & NOW I AM THANKFUL FOR TOUGH❣️✨🙏🤓 ❤️🤍💙🇺🇸

[@randiloreaux6991]

The Way They Learn

[@redhead8777]

As a SWP, I can vouch. This is great. Thank you! I learned about myself and others.

[@randylynnr]

I’m a strong willed person but I thank you for this. My DIL is a SWP but also a narcissist. So sometimes I get angry because she leaves thing out that I don’t get upset about because it is nice for her family and not mine. My older son is her family and that’s it. So I have to use your way with her. Maybe that will get her to think of others and not just her my son and grandkids.

[@judykaymacgreagor4422]

I needed this yesterday.

[@candyalexander2196]

My 30 year old swp just paid for us to go on a 6 week 40th anniversary trip from out of no where he asked what r u doing to celebrate I said gas toooo high we will stay home he said here is a check u and dad decide where u want to go camping out west Utah and Arizona are fabulous stopping at GSM Dollywood on the way back to NC thanks Payton son u r our gem love mom and dad

[@dianemurillo7437]

I want to thank you for this talk. ❤

[@kristinyaekelnegley3978]

😆 Oh I love her! And she is so right on. I have a 5 year old SW boy. It’s a rollercoaster ride of emotion. I always love him. But we have great, amazing times. And we have struggles (because I’m not an SWP, but I do have red hair😋). But he is an amazing kid and will definitely be a leader some day!

[@carolynprice9288]

I have red hair and was so quite and timid. People were surprised.

[@Vshokri]

Leo sign here. Loved this clip. ❤️ I am SWP

[@mcleodpro7]

Absolute quality 👌🏾

[@mirana3967]

My family is loud. Not angry. Guess it sounds angry. Im gonna get this book.

[@harleysanders4982]

I like her alot!!!

[@poochiegarner5030]

Judge Judy need this message

[@laurieannJake]

She’s awesome!!! 😊

[@MonarchAZ]

I am a reformed by Christ SWP. Unfortunately my son married a girl just like his Mom was before Christ fixed me. My DIL is not a practicing Christian so her strong will has manifested in bullying me. I've allowed it thinking she'd eventually respond to love & kindness. 15 years later she still dominates and I can only maintain my contact with my son & granddaughter by obeying her rules. Her abusive disrespect has only grown. My broken heart is only surpassed by how she has throttled my ability to bring Christ's love into their family. I would like to stand up for myself but Christ is more important. I pray they will have some revelation after I die.

[@ntrelis]

Amazing message ❤

[@revelation2and3]

Life changing 💟✝️👏🏻

[@jessyjonas4988]

Those who anger you and you act out of that anger Controls you

[@jessyjonas4988]

" but I tell you, do not resist an evil person" I love Jesus' Words best👏👏👏

[@glorialynn2242]

@@jessyjonas4988 again, strong willed doesn't mean evil!

[@jessyjonas4988]

@@glorialynn2242 Again I agree strong willed does not mean evil

[@sweetk5897]

I love focus on the family, Thank you for your ministry

[@hhhunt777]

love her!!!

[@lauragb3677]

These communication tools are perfect as we enter the holiday season.

[@nowhereplace.26]

Uhhh I literally hit all those check points... I'm gunna listen in

[@danielleelias685]

I love the part about Sarcasm, Cynthia is so awesome.

[@kellyroberts69]

All personalities types have their strengths and weaknesses. Alphas can be more self centered. Betas can be more self righteous. May we all be like Jesus- accept and forgive one another and cover one another’s shortcomings with love.

[@edithbannerman4]

@Hello there, how are you doing this blessed day?

[@marjoriebennett8443]

this is very helpful; thankyou.