Gilmore Girls Gets Therapized: How Jealousy Can Make or Break Relationships

[@aleezak.3497]

Literally stopped in the middle of another video to watch this. I would pay to watch you react to all the Gilmore Girls episodes. There's so much material in them!

[@donnieb9005]

Honestly, Rory is the one that is regressing in maturity. She is still lying by omission to Jess the same way she did with Dean.

[@oooh19]

Yea honestly Rory is an idiot much of the time but she’s afraid of being wrong

[@isabellarivas559]

⁠@@oooh19I agree your point that she’s afraid of being wrong. I feel like that’s the whole reason she dragged her relationship with Dean. It didn’t matter that she had stronger feelings for Jess than for Dean. It didn’t matter that Dean perceived what was obvious and his hurt feelings. It didn’t matter that she’s stringing along Jess just to be rejected again for Dean. She didn’t really choose Jess over Dean tho her heart did. Dean had to break up the relationship before she allowed herself to be with Jess. But what did matter was what others thought was the wrong choice especially when it came to her mother. Lorelai loved Dean and constantly saw Jess as a villain. Rory struggled with having her own strong discernment of the situation and couldn’t find it in herself to break up with Dean. Dean had to do it for her before she could actually see where she was wrong

[@Glitch1082-g8f]

@@donnieb9005 Rory has the problem of being a people pleaser and hating when anyone is upset with her for any reason even it’s well deserved. Dean though had severe jealousy/ anger issues well before Jess was even on the show so Rory has learned to tiptoe around subjects because she doesn’t want to be on the receiving end of anger. When Jess says he just wants to know from her instead of reading it on a telephone pole and then asks her to tell him about the show you can see her visibly relax. Out of all Rory’s boyfriends Dean is my least fav and you can’t just blame his behavior on being in hs because he SPOILER proves later on it’s not just Rory he treats badly. After the first breakup after he blows up because Rory didn’t immediately say I love you back I didn’t like him. Then add on he was jealous, controlling and had anger issues and yeah I wouldn’t have even wanted him back. He looked good on paper though and Lorelai always said what a great boyfriend he was so Rory listened. I really don’t know that she ever truly loved him

[@jackiesliterarycorner]

I feel like Jess takes one step forward and two steps back throughout his time on the show.

[@nikolaiquack8548]

Even in season 6?

[@jackiesliterarycorner]

Season 6, he did grow up a lot. He was more mature than Rory.

[@lotrfan8]

​@@jackiesliterarycorner If I were to pick who Rory should've ended up with, it would be Season 6 Jess, not earlier Jess

[@jackiesliterarycorner]

As many people have said, right person, wrong time. When they were dating it was the wrong time but he was potentially the right person.

[@Sunfl0wer25]

I've been BINGING your Gilmore girls episodes, and I'm so so lucky that you posted a new one this evening

[@MendedLight]

Haha, glad you are enjoying the videos! What is your favorite part in this series?

[@Sunfl0wer25]

@MendedLight it is so wonderful that you applaud the actor/acting and how wonderfully they portray the types of behaviors you breakdown. Also, now as a mom of two highschool teenagers, I chuckled loudly and often while you vent about Jesse, his behaviors and take notes on how to better communicate with my teenagers. Thank You for the light you bring to our world. 😁

[@kory_misun]

"Get in here now, no questions." Um, excuse me? I'll just keep walking towards a brightly lit area full of witnesses. You go back in there.

[@MendedLight]

Haha! You're right, that was a little much! 😂

[@ilovenycsomuch]

Not defending Dean’s behavior but I have beef with Rory, especially since she’s painted as “the good girl who’s just being swept in the middle of the drama of two men fighting over her cuz she’s so irresistible she can’t help it!” Dean literally ended up being right about them getting back together after continuing their friendship. Cuz if she did that with Jess, who’s to say she won’t do it again. To me this feels a lot like the case of, if this person cheated to be with you, who’s to say they won’t cheat again on you to be with another person

[@Chiscribbs]

I think the main thing that gives Jess the edge on Dean - even though Jess was no prize himself in the earlier seasons, he was a smart-mouth punk with little consideration for other people or himself - is that Jess was almost always willing to listen to Rory. Dean was crazy about Rory and he put a lot of effort into adapting to her lifestyle, but when it came to arguments, he was never a good listener. He had a tendency to downplay Rory's side of the argument and steamroll her. Granted, Rory wasn't perfect, she lead him on - albeit, out of denial - and has partial blame in the bad blood between him and Jess. And Dean has every right to be angry with Jess and with Rory, he was done so dirty. But there's a noticeable difference in the way they react to things - Jess might complain a little, but if Rory says "no" to something, he'll accept it. Now, that might just be his "go with the flow" attitude preventing him from getting too worked up, but I think it also shows an element of trust and respect (rare traits for Jess to exhibit). For all of his faults, Jess always let Rory make her own choices, even if he thought those choices were lame. Honestly - I think this is what sets him apart from ALL of Rory's other love interests, not just Dean. That, and his growth throughout the series.

[@SaucyJTD]

I've dealt with a lot of jealousy in my life. Both as the person who was jealous and being with a partner who was jealous. Being on either of the fence was draining in the long run. It has taken a lot of work, but I'm at a much better place now. I've hit a point where I'm just flat out not interested in competing for someone's affection. If someone doesn't choose me for me, then I kind of just go, "Welp, that hurts and sucks, but oh well." I still feel the pain of rejection, absolutely. I just deal with the pain however I need to deal with it until I've worked through it. I would rather do that than to wildly change who I am for someone else again. It's far more exhausting to keep up a facade than it is to accept that I'm not what they were looking for. Plus, if I am interested in someone, then I also care for them. I would much rather see them be happy than to be selfish and think it absolutely has to be me who makes them happy. That's not how love works.

[@victoriafrost5461]

Not sure if you would ever watch Dowton Abbey Jonathan. Yet, it would be great to hear you look at the sibling relationship with the Crawley sisters. 😊

[@musicf3b]

TIL that Sam used to play a character named Dean

[@katiegahagan4137]

Ahhh there’s so much I can’t wait for you to get to!

[@Maca494]

"Dean is showing some unpleasant colours here" well, he is playing the same game Jess played. He is right, look how Jess is reacting all jelly and like "i know what you are doing"...oh, but it was ok when he was doing it. yeah, Dean can keep messing with him. If Dean is an asshole for this people better start accepting Jess was the asshole to begin with "i know you're friendly, doesnt mean i dont wanna punch him" oh, the bastion of perfectness, while Dean is the violent jealous one, oh. why does he wanna punch Dean? he is the one who stole the girl, Dean didnt do anything to Rory... if it had been dean saying that they would say he is a serial violent abuser and who knows when he would have punched Rory.

[@Glitch1082-g8f]

@@Maca494 The difference is Jess said it in a calm way and just that he wants to cause he knows what Dean is doing, not that he was going to and then he asked how the show was and Rory visibly relaxes. Do you remember season 1 when Dean meets Tristan? Tristan is giving him a hard time and Deans response in front of all Rory’s peers at a dance? “You don’t want to fight me Tristan cause I’d kill you”. Wow what a great non-violent guy. Dean also had anger issues that made Rory tiptoe around what she told him even when there was nothing going on. She had to apologize for doing schoolwork and not being able to spend time with him. Dean is also only acting like Rory’s friend while intending to get her back, Jess never hid that he liked Rory and that they weren’t “just friends”. While I think hs Jess is by no means the perfect boyfriend and has a lot of maturing to do, in this scene he handled the situation perfectly right. He told Rory it bothers him, but didn’t forbid her to see Dean. He was calm and just said he wants to hear everything from her which is perfectly reasonable. Can you honestly say Dean ever handled a situation that well? Dean was the perfect boyfriend because he didn’t try to get Rory to have sex so Lorelai loved him. Since Lorelai loved him Rory was unable to let go of him. I’m not sure she ever truly loved Dean though.

[@CelestialSylph143]

Tone matters greatly when communicating, and that's where people draw the line between Jess and Dean. Jess for all of his flaws- still managed to consistently communicate that he was bothered by things with Rory in a way that allowed her to talk back to him- calmly and loudly- as an equal. Dean very openly does not, Dean was very very rarely unjustified for his feelings, but because of his idk lack of self worth? obsession with rory? He always snapped too loudly and too strongly at her which often communicates to the viewer at least an attempted imbalance of power by Dean. You can see in the way the actresses convey panicking in the arguing scene with Paris, the "what do we do when you go to college?" scene, the "You never had time for me!" scene, the scenes where he argues with Rory over Tristan, the first breakup, and most notably to me- when Lindsay answers his phone, that Dean is written as someone who uses his yelling, stature, and other physical displays of anger to intimidate the women he's with. He even uses these same behaviors on Jess and Tristan all with the same purpose of trying to steamroll the other party into not arguing or scare them off. And for what its worth, Jess absolutely gets better over time, He becomes a better person on his own. Dean only gets worse and more openly toxic as the show continues.

[@WhatsaModderU]

This video got me through defamation and harassment. Thank you.

[@ReggieBunnies]

Happy Birthday to me! A new Gilmore Girls Mended Light video was an excellent present. 😂🎉

[@MendedLight]

Haha, happy birthday! We're so glad you enjoyed it! 💜

[@KxNOxUTA]

Happy one!!! 🥳

[@Fan_Girl-xd8wy]

Jess had it coming, if he hadn't been playing dirty he wouldn't need to be worried now that he has her. It's kind of ironic that everything he says to Dean could be applied to him when he was actively trying to get Rory. Simply pathetic

[@eugear1057]

I was wating for you to analize this scene. Because When I watched as an adult I thought WoW Jess was being a really good boyfriend in that moment. I won't say he was a great boyfriend because he had a really bad moment at the end. But I think that in the end of the series he was the best, he just needed to grow Up for himself first and overcome his own trauma before he could be with someone.

[@ShohnaC]

Jess is perfection and I will not hear otherwise

[@TheOldSpinster]

my possesivnes started in adulthood and I am still under its influence now 40years old woman, even when all those people have their own lives I feel I am stuck somewhere in my 17s

[@isabellarivas559]

Unfortunately the vulnerability and the healthy communication isn’t a long lasting/consistent thing in their relationship. The upside is that this season actually manages somehow to show how deeply they grow to care for each other. It’s shown in when they fall short in the relationship and they try to make up for it. This is more so on Jess’ side, I’ll say, up until he doesn’t and I don’t wanna spoil anything else.

[@KxNOxUTA]

I don't do jealousy in that way in relationships. It just makes no sense to me X'D The most you'd get from me is "U haz cuddles? I can haz cuddles, too, later, maybe? 🥺". I might get mini-jealous over a partner getting to eat a food I really like while I'm too sick to have it, I suppose? 😆 But it's non-malicious and more a "me being sad I can't" Even if in cases like a partner maybe choosing to spend more time at work than with me on the long run: I'll not grow jealous. Not just cause I like time with myself, but also because I'll just calmly ask questions if we're still mutually interested in time together or not. People change and you gotta check in with each other. Jealousy comes from a place of internal lack. I'm incredibly used to attending to my own lacks, internally and externally, as well as just embracing when it a lack cannot be covered by anyone for the time being. That's just like. And I have no habit of getting insecure over partner choices either. Cause the partner is responsible for said choices and their outcomes. I work with what we willingly share and whatever common ground we mutually fight for. If we don't, there's no point in trying to force it either. I'm detached and safe in that way, not dissociated lol. On the contrary, I'm just compassionate with how much of a mess life is and we are and how we might try out best and still be left with a mess, or not try at all and find ourselves in some place of influence. Life is odd in that way. And I'm busy enough with it's flow as is. So I have no spoons for jealousy. It serves none of us. I can notice lack without having to go there.

[@Glitch1082-g8f]

@@KxNOxUTA This is a great way to describe it. My friends are the visit his work, check his phone types, but I just feel like if I felt the need to do that then I don’t trust the person I’m with so why stay. Also my now husband is the same way. When we met he had to deal with the fact that I had a few male friends (one is my best friend to this day and spends holidays with us). Even at the age of 23 (when we met 19 yrs ago) my husband wasn’t always happy if I went out with my friends cause let’s be honest some guys just say they’re your friend, but he trusted me and let me figure out on my own who was real and was there for me when two of my now ex-friends said horrible stuff about how and why I should’ve picked them behind my back. My female best friend let me know what they said and I ended those “friendships” quick. My male best friend though is truly like family to me and he and my husband get along great. All three of us will hang out and then my husband usually ends up getting tired and goes to bed while me and my bestie watch and mock some stupid tv show. I also would find it exhausting to be in a relationship where I felt jealous or my partner felt jealous because something just isn’t right there then. Trust is the foundation of any relationship and if it isn’t there why keep going?

[@magma4168]

I don't like Dean, but hey, Jess had it coming.

[@lunaloutfy]

I LOVE how Jess doesn’t get aggressive or possessive and controlling the way Dean did. I like to remind people about the incident when Rory and Jess got into a car accident back in season 2 when Dean was out of town visiting his grandmother back in Chicago. Rory ended up writing a letter explaining the car wreckage and why she got a cast on her arm because of Jess because Dean would’ve lashed out and cut her off and not let her explain herself. He ended up kicking something because of how frustrated he was, showing how scared Rory was in that moment. The reason for the letter??? It’s because she saw how angry Dean got when Jess visited her that one episode giving her a care package when Paris was there too while Lorelai was out of town. It was super scary and he looked like he was about to hit her until Paris cut them off and covered for Rory. If she weren’t around, who knows what could have happened?? Things could’ve easily taken a darker turn in their relationship. No wonder she had to prepare herself with a letter for Dean the second time Jess was involved with something. And you can see how worried Rory was in this season 3 episode that you’re analyzing about how she was concerned about him having that same exact reaction that Dean did. But Jess didn’t. And that’s one of the reasons why I’m Team Jess. They communicate about things perfectly well, which has always been their strong suit, even if Jess lacks in the verbal department sometimes, though Rory was very good for him and helped him a lot. And so did he! They completed each other in a sense, and I love their relationship dynamic so much. There’s so much freedom and TRUST. That is super important in relationships. Love your take on the show as usual. Thanks for your videos because they always make my day 🥰❤️

[@Maca494]

well, that's because Dean knew what was going on, he wasnt stupid. The car Dean buil got wrecked because Rory and Jess were doing something they were not supposed to be doing...they were studying, not going out for icecream and Rory broke her wrist. Of course Dean was gonna be pissed. Also "it was scary, who knows what would have happened" Dean would have never hit Rory, like wtf. At least we can say for sure he never tried to do weird things to her at partys (or at miss pattys that night they fell assleep) :)

[@lunaloutfy]

@@Maca494 I totally get what you’re saying! I didn’t mean it like that even if I stated it. It’s just that the argument looked like it was gonna go in that direction because Dean just couldn’t bring it in himself to hear her out. He just chose to assume things and really took it the wrong way and didn’t bother listening to her point of view. He just kept yelling and getting angrier, with no regard to her own feelings, and it was all innocent because they were genuinely friendly at that point. She obviously didn’t want him to come over, and he should’ve respected that, even if I think she should’ve also kicked Jess out, but the difference was that Jess was already at her house, so he couldn’t (or wouldn’t) leave, and Rory is way too nice for her own good because she saw that he had the care package with him that Paris was beside her and she couldn’t say no because Paris saw the food too, while Dean could’ve easily respected his girlfriend and gave her some space when she specifically told him it wasn’t a good time for him to show up. He didn’t listen to her. The same goes for the incident during the basket auction episode. Jess let Rory hang out with Dean, but Dean? He didn’t let Rory hang out with Jess and have a picnic with him. That was very toxic behavior, so it’s no wonder Rory felt more drawn to Jess later on. Dean was lacking in certain areas, so she found those qualities in Jess. And as for the party episode, (SPOILERS for our beloved reactor if he hasn’t checked that episode out yet) that’s a whole other story. I’m obviously not excusing Jess’s actions or justifying it and especially NOT in any way defending him, but he was a messed up kid back then… and he was already having a bad day, and he didn’t know how to talk things out (which brings me back to my original comment above that you replied to that he was bad at the verbal thing sometimes), and unfortunately, that was one of the worst incidents in which we saw that. Jess realized that he wasn’t going to graduate or be able to take his girlfriend to the prom, which is why he wasn’t in his right mind, and to top it all off, he might have remembered Luke’s deal with him that if he doesn’t graduate at the end of the school year, he’s out, so I really feel for him in that scene, even if I totally agree that he should’ve asked for her consent beforehand because that was very wrong of him. Thanks for replying, though! I really enjoy talking about this show and discussing it in this much depth with fellow GG fans because it’s my favorite show :)

[@Glitch1082-g8f]

@No Dean didn’t get physically aggressive with Rory, but he is very emotionally aggressive and his anger comes out a lot which can be very intimidating since he’s a big guy. Honestly he was jealous of any guy of the same age that was interested in Rory even if she wasn’t interested in them. While hs years Jess is by no means a great boyfriend and yes the party scene was bad, he for the most part was calmer and never lashed out at Rory like Dean did. You can see the effects of her relationship with Dean when she’s with Jess because she is worried he’ll blow up at her like Dean would. Jess handled this very well. There are moments where you see future Jess when he grows up. Dean honestly just gets angrier and angrier

[@gabrielleduplessis7388]

@@Glitch1082-g8fi agree with this. I also did not agree with the party scene and some of the things Jess said and did in the earlier seasons. However, I feel he did learn from each moment and tried to be better whether with Rory and Luke. The New York episode is one of my favorites for that reason. I loved how they were able to talk and chill without worrying about anything. They were able to communicate. While Jess did not change overnight, he improved a little in each stage. I also liked how he wanted what was best for her including when she dropped out of Yale and handled Logan’s jerkish behavior like a champ. Better than he used to be. So am totally with you. Jess improves as the show goes on while Dean just gets worse.

[@ilovenycsomuch]

@@Maca494 agreed, not that Dean’s perfect but I always see comments about him that seem way over dramatic and blow things out of proportion when he expresses anger as if he’s abusive. Am I stupid, cuz it looked like an unhealthy relationship but it did not look like an abusive one? Rory was guilty of always hiding things from him & maybe she saw him her betrayal upset him & reinforced her secrecy behaviors but she was already nontransparent from the very start & creating distrust. Her & Lorelei had this major flaw throughout the whole series with like every relationship & it’s one thing that makes this show difficult for me to watch & enjoy

[@valathor95]

That’s Sam, not Dean, Dean is his brother. Sorry, I couldn’t resist. 😂

[@AliceVFame]

It's weird to me how some women can rationalize cute men's immoral actions and bad habits as good actually and find every silver lining, but they're still brutal towards imperfect female characters. It's like the halo effect, but for handsome bad boys. Fans still justify Jess' every misdeed because he had a tough life, if you're going to do that then keep the same energy for Rory. He's a hypocrite for giving Dean shit and I'm glad Dean humbled him in this episode.

[@RoseTintMyWorld-cr5zo]

It feels a little ridiculous though for Rory to have to tell Jess about every single interaction with Dean. Now, if they were meeting up to hang out with his little sister, or she was helping him with something for school, and it was a planned-out activity, I get why Jess would want to know. But this was a chance encounter. Not planned. It would be like running into your ex at a play or movie. She wasn't home for 5 minutes and Jess is calling her over the flyer, and also blatantly trying to catch her in a lie by asking what she did today. I guess it was good that he let it go but that doesn't earn major points for me. Jess' behavior is unacceptable 90% of the time in my book 😬

[@FishareFriendsNotFood972]

This growth from Jess was really surprising to me, frankly. It seemed really rapid, unrealistically so. I worry young women watching the show could get the mistaken idea that Jess-like guys will magically grow better in the relationship once you start dating them.

[@voyance4elle]

Well he saw how Dean's posessiveness killed the relationship. He didn't want to make the same mistakes but be a keeper (keep Rory). He knew he had to adjust. He got into this relationship threw growth (the cassette tape and book that Luke gave him). I see it as organically. Dean had always been posessive and jealous, Jess although he was cocky and reckless has always had better emotional intelligence.

[@ceceliam9014]

I don't think Jess can be accused of getting much better during their relationship. It takes him growth and maturity over years on his own outside of any relationship with Rory. He's still often a jerk when they date.

[@Glitch1082-g8f]

@@ceceliam9014 Oh he is definitely a terrible boyfriend and the cassette tape doesn’t come until the following season where we finally get real growth and even then he still has maturing to do, but if I had to pick between controlling jealous Dean who Rory always tiptoed around or Jess who just didn’t really know how to be a good boyfriend, but really tried his best (minus the party scene) which he immediately regretted and was going after Rory to apologize until Dean got in the way, I’d pick Jess. He screwed up a lot, but he really did love Rory and in a none possessive way. His future growth shows this, but unfortunately she regresses and by the end of the show I feel he’s too good for her.

[@AliceVFame]

Romance in shows and films generally teach girls and women all the wrong lessons.

[@Glitch1082-g8f]

@@AliceVFame That’s why you don’t look to tv and movies for reality. Maybe I was just a cynical kid, but even though I loved Disney I never thought some guy would come up to me and start singing about “love at first sight”. Same with soaps or movies and tv shows. I enjoyed them, but never saw them as a roadmap for my future.

[@voyance4elle]

He saw how Dean's posessiveness killed the relationship. He didn't want to make the same mistakes and be as controlling as Dean but be a keeper (keep Rory). He knew he had to adjust. He got into this relationship through growth (the cassette tape and book that Luke gave him). I see it as organically. Dean had always been posessive and jealous, Jess although he was cocky and reckless has always had better emotional intelligence.

[@Glitch1082-g8f]

@@voyance4elle Yes I agree Jess knew he couldn’t behave like Dean because it drove Rory away, but also you can see before they get together that he wouldn’t be like that because he mocks Dean and his possessive controlling behavior and anger issues. Also this is Jess pre- cassette tape. That’s in college and he really grows after that

[@voyance4elle]

@Glitch1082-g8f true :) He always mocked Dean like that...

[@rubyirene2500]

Jess still have some growing up to do, but, he's at least trying in this episode. I don't love Jess, all the time, yet. But, I do love him later.

[@pir8grl08]

I always thought that Jess brought out the best in Rory in that he keeps her humble and reminds her who she is when she does thing out of character. Dean had a bad temper and Logan is a rich brat who merely enables Rory’s immature behavior

[@Fan_Girl-xd8wy]

Jess brings out the worst in Rory, her downfall as a character started when he showed up

[@himynameisnickolas]

Wow you had a video with nice things to say about Jess?? Looks like he’s not the only one who’s growing . lol

[@SaucyJTD]

He had to get to the good parts 🤣.

[@eb7446]

Weell S3 doesn't really end on a good note for Jess, does it? His short sighted decisions(he's 17, it's to be expected really. You don't flip a switch and suddenly transform yourself) do have him creeping back into bad behaviour patterns after some mid season improvements. It's too bad Milo was never available barring a couple appearances post S4. A lot of his character development does happen rapidly and off screen because of that. I really like his S4 material though. It's frustrating to watch, but I think it worked.

[@gaellecbois4410]

Actually, asking Rory to tell him when she meets with Dean sounds pretty controlling to me.

[@queencleopatra007]

How is asking your partner to be honest instead of keeping secrets from you controlling? He didn't say she couldn't hang out with Dean, just not to keep it a secret from him. Anyone would get a little upset if their partner was secretly hanging out with their ex.

[@anaeden6229]

@@queencleopatra007this was made apparent when Richard is still hanging out with Pennilynn Lott

[@ceceliam9014]

What? I'm quite concerned that you'd consider requesting honesty like that from a partner to be controlling, I think it's a very reasonable expectation. Though, to be fair, Jess just got back from work so Rory really wouldn't have been able to tell him about her day before the town did. So I think the honesty he could have expected would have been when he asked what she did that day - not earlier than he saw the flyer. Still - transparency is a very fair request.

[@Glitch1082-g8f]

@@gaellecbois4410 In what world is this controlling? I have a male best friend and all my now husband ever asked of me was to be open about my plans. That’s just asking for honesty in a relationship and Jess only says this because he knew when he called and just wanted Rory to tell him, but she tried to hide it because she was afraid he would blow up like Dean would’ve. Watch Rory visibly relax as Jess says to just tell him next time and then moves on to ask her about the show. You sound very immature.

[@tjohns25]

I agree with you even though nobody else here does. It wasn't an intentional meeting; it was a complete accident. Is Rory supposed to drop everything and tell Jess every time she bumps into Dean in that super tiny little town? Also, the deal with Pennilyn Lotta is that Richard was purposely and intentionally meeting with her the entire time he was married to Emily and NOT telling her.