Gilmore Girls Gets Therapized: Is Your Family Asking Too Much?

[@alyzu4755]

Emily and Richard, like many wealthy couples, weren't really interested in actually parenting Lorelei. They wanted someone to carry on the family line, buckle under, be a good girl, marry well, and continue the tradition. Lorelei was stifled and she broke loose. There's so much hurt in the family because they didn't understand her at all and she, as a literal child, had no way to express herself other than by rebelling. And now she's stuck in the mindset of a 16 year-old, especially when she's around her parents.

[@starz4vale]

I NEED yall to make an episode on lane and Mrs Kim

[@sorshae.elsbernd]

I read the book, "Good Boundaries and Goodbyes" and in it, Lysa says that it's about access. "Don't give someone level 10 access when they only demonstrate level 3 responsibility with your heart." I limit my interactions with my Emily Gilmore, to 1-hour phone calls once a week.

[@Bananas904]

I don't think I would last an hour.

[@Theintrovertednow]

My grandma thru my mom is a emily gilmore and wonders why the fam is on a limit contact basis other than my great aunt her sister i said we be arguing a lot if i spoke to u often cuz the mouth my mama gave me i would snap with how domineering she is

[@Aashbard01]

I can’t even last 5 minutes with my Dad’s father, because all of the pain he caused my Dad and my dad’s mum

[@auspicious6703]

That quote punched me straight in the stomach. I wish I had known this earlier, it would have saved me from a lot of heartbreak. Need to go process my emotions now 😂

[@sorshae.elsbernd]

@@auspicious6703 It's a really powerful book. Sending you hugs!

[@megroy6396]

Well, to be fair, Emily isn't simply asking Lorelai to do something she's uncomfortable with, she's asking her to BREAK THE LAW. When deposed, you go under oath, so lying while giving a deposition is perjury. Though Rory is 18 at this point, so why not have her testify instead? She would know how to do what Emily needs without lying under oath.

[@eride79]

I mean, I imagine you can be as colourful in your responses as you want. She could have chosen truths that are nice about Emily. It wasn’t everything bad.

[@AudreyRohwer]

Kelly Bishop just had a memoir come out titled The Third Gilmore Girl, and she's really just as amazing as her work attests. Highly recommend reading it as a fan of her acting!

[@SaucyJTD]

"Pick spot on carpet and stare." Much of my childhood, wrapped up in sentence lmao. I relate so much to Rory every time she is stuck in the middle of their arguments. My mom has borderline personality disorder. I cannot promote strong boundaries enough to people. I did, at one point, cut my mom off for almost five years or so. I only started talking to her again after she demonstrated that she was actively going to therapy, had stopped abusing her medications, and started making better choices for herself. She’s still not completely healed and may never be. But now, I can talk to her and keep her within the box that I have built for her in my mind. Boundaries, people. Boundaries like walls that Pink Floyd could be proud of. Build them. They’re so important.

[@zoemcleod5998]

Wow. I've been going through something similar and I feel so much better to know you were able to build boundaries with your mother. My Mum definitely has BPD or some other Cluster B personality disorder and has likely had it nearly my whole life, but it completely dove off the rails about 3 years ago. I had to leave home for my own safety and mental health, and had her blocked for about a year and a half. After travelling for a project I've recently moved back home as I'm totally broke. I spend half the week at hers usually, the other half at my Dad's, and the first six weeks were going fine. Recently she's fallen off again. It's so confusing because I want to help her and I know she feels bad for hurting me, but at the same time she's not willing to change her behaviour or get help. And I've been through this all before and don't want to repeat the experience because it nearly destroyed me. I don't want to go no-contact again, but if I do have to, it helps to know someone did and still got to have some kind of relationship with their mother.

[@LaLayla99]

I definitely feel Rory in these situations. My mom and her mother had this type of relationship, just not as warm and fuzzy. 🙄

[@unperfectperfectionist]

Emily in the reboot is. SO great

[@OzmaOfOzz]

I love her character arc, it's the only good thing about the revival

[@AuDHD_Mom]

I have had to tell a family member that I will be cordial with them at family gatherings, but we will be no contact until they get therapy and start to help themselves not make me responsible for their emotions. It worked. It's been 8 years, and that family member is back in my life and we are building trust. I think it says so much good for someone when they are willing to get help.

[@grodriguez7225]

That thing you said about Seinfeld is just like that with Chandelier from Friends in the earlier seasons.

[@ser132]

that autocorrect 🤣

[@megroy6396]

"We just had a fight. If you broke up with someone just for having a fight, you'd never have a relationship that lasted longer than- OHHHHHHHHH!"

[@Crimson28]

“Chandelier” LMAO 🤣😆

[@chelseabradham3889]

My Aunt was very similar to Emily Gilmore, in fact, now that she's passed away, I sometimes watch Gilmore Girls when I miss her because of how much she reminds me of my Aunt. My Aunt was a very particular person, very set in her ways, very she's always right, very judgmental of other people. She didn't really get along with anyone, they got along with her and for years there were rifts between her and her siblings, including my Mom because of various slights both real and perceived. One day, my uncle, broke his hip while skiing and had to have surgery and Mom and I went there to sit with my Aunt. Mom had no idea how the sister she'd had minimal contact with for almost a decade would react, but she chose to step up, be the bigger person and better sister, to show up rather than just assume her support was unwanted. My Mom and my Aunt were close from that day forward until my Aunt's death a few years ago, which allowed me to have a relationship with her as well. It was the most amazing thing I've ever seen.

[@bef9612]

I'm currently reducing contact with people like that right now. I've realized I have enabled certain family members for years.

[@Theintrovertednow]

As a black sheep in my family i never gave a shit if they bother with me cuz they argue with anyone who have a different opinion and would think their always right even when theyre not to many addictions and enablers in my family

[@therestiveone7369]

I had a situation where I had an extended family member that acted (not to the extreme) much like Emily. It took over a decade of this behaviour and therapy to be able to start standing up to this person. It started with me stating my boundaries for every given situation before we began our interactions. Stating what the consequences would be and then sticking with them if this person overstepped. It took many times, a LOT of frustration, but every time I was able to stick to my guns and the other person came back to actually listen to what was said and let me explain reasoning or feelings, our relationship improved. It's now at the point that we can talk with each other instead of AT each other. The other end of the stick was that I had to respect what the other person was saying too and not always react emotionally, but give them a chance to expand. Sometimes our words fail us in the moment and a little forgiveness and a moment to regroup can go miles towards helping.

[@anyaroz8619]

Great video. Thank you. I completely disengaged from my sister, because she allowed her meanness and irritability to take over and insult me or be mean. I didn't even try to set boundaries, because I new it would be futile and only make her angrier. Funny that she always accused me of being unfair and only having things my way, while to me it's been obvious she has been the one overstepping. Anyway, while it saddens me deeply to have been separated from her, I don't regret doing so and I am not waiting for this relationship to mend anytime in the foreseeable future if ever

[@jordanNCM]

I absolutely agree that Kelly is phenomenal in this role!

[@sandybritzman9460]

I live in an apartment under a woman who walks SO HEAVY it sounds like a rhino stomping around day and night when she’s home, slamming cabinets. It’s actually very stressful and hard to tune out. I’m inclined to AGREE with Emily on this one 😬

[@alexandraRatliff]

I would really love to see your reaction to Heartstopper season 3 as a therapist considering all the mental illness storyline has been leading to this season. I’d love to see your analysis of Charlie’s OCD, anorexia, self harm etc. but also how his mental illness affects the people who care for him.

[@barrythatcher9349]

When Emily says every time the maid walk passed me she sounded like she was marching on Poland. Wow, that just kills me

[@sheyannev2757]

And she was so shocked and appalled in the episode where the Inn makes a magazine cover and Lorelei makes similarly racist remarks, like ma’am who raised her?

[@rachaelknudsen8801]

I think another reason to hold boundaries and hew to one's own values is if you cave once, it can be used against you.

[@yugopolis861]

How to you deal with your Emily Gilmore? I moved to different country. Relationship improved a lot. I still visit regularly and videocall weekly, but finally there are some strong boundaries there

[@jade5862]

you gotta do this is us gets therapized!!

[@tricuspa]

While my mom was no Emily, there were so many of Emily's behaviors that set me off to remind me of my mother. I could empathize with Lorelai of wanting to saying just the right words to be both sarcastic and genuine. I always look for those words but when it comes down to it I instead try to put the other in the position they are role-playing exactly who they are but being able to see it from another view if they can step outside themselves instead they tend to just agree they did what they were going to do and are justified. Its always a no win the best that can be done is maybe they see a bit of what they are and ask later so we can have a more genuine chat.

[@Uncle_Smidge]

My old man used money in a similar way, and I have him blocked on FB. He only contacts me for wholesome purposes by text because he's been made to understand that I will dignify nothing else with a response. It's genuinely helped a lot, sadly. I'm peeved at a lot of his choices but I still love and respect him, so this is how we're working out for now.

[@anzelaiv]

It's insane that so many people justify Emily's ugly behavior, and place the responsibility of fixing their relationship on Lorelai, often blaming Lorelai for upholding her boundaries. It's good to see a professional break down those behaviors and the relationships.

[@larssjostrom6565]

I love Lorelai's sharp tongue.

[@wcezel]

I am sooo anxiously waiting for the gilmore girls video 😍

[@undefinedromance89]

I love that I knew exactly which episode this was going to be before you even started rolling the clips.

[@Christine_GoBills]

Kelly Bishop is flawless!!!!!

[@MendedLight]

Agreed! People can knock on Emily Gilmore, but come after Kelly Bishop and we're going to have words!

[@АннаМитрофанова-э1ь]

Emily is so great character - she is not bad, she has good goals and intentions, but ,gods, how she is hard to love!

[@balnnur]

Nice episode! As for the question asked about Emily, well I would try to keep a distance and be there when she needs me

[@ilovenycsomuch]

It’s disappointing cuz there are moments when I just love Emily but then she can be really awful at times which just ruins it🤦‍♀️ plus her sass can be so hilarious & somehow adorable too lol

[@greekgeek8284]

I’m someone who’s lucky enough to have a strong enough support system that if one person came to me asking me to compromise my integrity in a similar way, I would not only probably feel totally comfortable and morally okay telling them no, I would also have multiple people to help me workshop HOW to tell them no and not be talked out of my convictions, so yeah, I’d probably tell Emily “No, I won’t be doing that” essentially in this situation, but I also am not necessarily going to be harsh with someone who wouldn’t make the same choice

[@ChlarkNadia]

Please, please, please, do an episode on Gaslighting in Rings of Power season 2. The Celebrimbor and Sauron relationship wouldnt be too much to watch, and its amazing.

[@ideasinthegord3915]

I never really liked Gilmore Girls, or bought any of the hype surrounding it. To me Lorelai was always incredibly involved in her daughter's life and I view that as somethering, and it personally made me uncomfortable - but it makes sense for someone who would be coming from an environment with two incredibly strict, controlling and demanding parents. It's an over-correction in the opposite way. My own mother is a mix of both Emily and Lorelai, but we have immensely different values, which has me hoping to go no contact in the future.

[@CAPGOD1]

Im curious if Rory's line "Pick spot on carpet and stare" was supposed to be a direction but was spoken instead.

[@PatriciaHFD]

I had to cut all contact. I'm not happy about it but in the end it was a matter of health (and a bit of sanity) for me. And also, accept the truth that the situation always will be that way, so if I couldn't deal with that... 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@lux_24601]

I draw boundaries with the Emily Gilmore in my life by avoiding him as much as possible. I will politely engage with him when necessary since he is married to my mother, and I still want to have a relationship with her. However, I refuse to converse with him beyond what you would say with a stranger because he has deeply hurt me, and I do not trust him emotionally.

[@alexandrugheorghe5610]

Gilmore family cares. It is messy and hurtful the way they express their needs and how they interact etc. But man, at least they care. In my family they didn't even care. 😅

[@aliciakossler9351]

My mother is the poor version of Emily Gilmore and I have very limited contact with her but that doesn’t always work bc I try to make sure my brother is okay

[@sleverlight]

I wouldnt compromise my values for loved ones, just tell the truth

[@cocomelon1396]

12:35 Lorelai could have told Emily yhe truth about how she feels, but sue should have stayed by her mother's side when she was being deposed. Family should look after each other even if they don't agree, your disagreements shouldn't be so big that outsiders come in between you. Eventually Lorelai chose to side with the made instead of her own mother.

[@curtin1977]

Limit contact. Bc you can't just drop them out of your life unless you move far away to another state

[@victoriafrost5461]

Emily is an extreme version of my mother. We don't talk much because of her judgments.

[@allisonSTOCKDALE107]

Could you please therapize project paper doll: the rules? It’s a book and I really want someone to therapize it. I know you do movies and tv shows but I want this perspective so so bad.

[@FishareFriendsNotFood972]

I've seen this with women from a certain generation, they have these very frustrated desires to run a business and utilize their intellectual capacities and have more power, the type that one can have as a manager in a workplace. But because they were shut out from the workplace in all the meaningful ways because patriarchy, they take their urges out on being tyrants in the home. I feel like if Emily really pursued her dreams and worked outside the home, she would be more reasonable.

[@babak-k6t]

Best video ever.

[@mlove.1376]

I definently would say no, Im not doing that. If I went ahead anyway, then I would resent myself for doing it and what comes around after doing it. Your circus, your monkees. Nope. Very unfair to Rory from both of yhem including her in this.

[@sphinx2122]

The question is, which value is compromised here. The family or the ego. Its not a question of being true to myself or my mother, but of whats the greater good. Lorelei...it seems to me she took this for the perfect occasion to tell the world, my mother is a bad person. She hadn't lost her face by protecting her mothers reputation. But she wanted this, she wanted to hurt Emely. Lorelei fouled her own nest. Emely did not ask anything impossible of her. She just wanted to say, she was a nice person. Well that maybe not be true for Lorelei. but the one thing is family, and the other thing is public. And you never must not wash you filthy laundry on public! But thats what Lorelei did, and thats why Emely feels betrayed.

[@loglady_99]

6:28

[@c.j.p.7607]

❤❤❤

[@MendedLight]

💜💜💜

[@Isaiah-n1r]

How did you luck out and marry someone with a higher sex drive as you? Most men would love a wife like that. I really hope you are appreciative to her and give her everything her heart desires because she deserves the world

[@lastriotgrrl]

For $300 an hour, you better turn that car around.

[@leza4453]

I love you content. But the empty shelves and the stock video inserts are weird 😅

[@janejane-tk3wx]

lane and miss kim is a lot

[@daphnej4189]

1sr comment!

[@Alexandra_Round]

I don't think Lorelai is responsible here. She lies to hear mother and complaints about her in court. For people like Emily Gilmore talking bad behind their back is the worst thing.

[@h0p314]

Kelly Bishop slays as queen Emily. 🫶🏽 You love to hate her.