Girl Defined Perpetuate More Hate

Hi all, today we're reviewing and critiquing Part 2 of Girl Defined's second book, Love Defined: Embracing God's Vision for Lasting Love and Satisfying Relationships by Kristen Clark and Bethany Beal.
Part 1 is here but you don't need to watch it before this video, don't worry:
• Girl Defined's Guide T...
More Girl Defined Videos:
• Girl Defined Responses
Bethany's Instagram Posts:
• Bethany from Girl Defi...
Girl Defined vs Gay Marriage:
• Girl Defined vs. Gay M...
"Gay Girl Good God" Book Review Part 1:
• An Atheist Reads 'Gay ...
History of Non-Binary:
nonbinary.wiki/wiki/History_o...
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[@whoahanant]

"We're sexual beings from birth". Looks like my asexual ass missed that memo...

[@miaomiaochan]

Same.

[@yourlocalnerd7788]

Same

[@fox-fluffl9002]

Indeed. And being aromantic too, I guess I missed almost every memo XD

[@kathrynolsen1256]

My mom: When I met your dad, my heart fluttered and I couldn’t keep my hands off him. That’s love. You can’t love someone based on non-physical stuff. You’re just faking it to ruin the family. Me 15 years later: I wrote the character as demisexual without realizing it and then realized that she and I are both attracted people after we form emotional ties. Book club including my mother: isn’t that how everyone does love? Me: I’ve been told that it’s faking love to not be physically attracted because that’s love, not non-physical things. Book club: That’s ridiculous. Me: that’s what I’ve been saying for 15 years.

[@didograce3531]

No joke, I've heard wives justify staying with abusive husbands because they heard God say "I picked you for him." It's sad.

[@reptoidrenaissance]

That sounds like trauma-based hallucinations, tbh

[@silveryfeather208]

The whole 'look at male body as initiators' is gross. I've heard it a lot. 'Men are keys, women are locks' or whatever. Absolutely gross. We aren't objects...

[@cashwalk7253]

Thank you for addressing this 👏

[@ryleighs9575]

Yeah it literally boils relationships between men and women down to their fucking genitals lol. It's weird.

[@sandrols7]

I first heard that ridiculous phrase when I was 14, and even then it felt so wrong. Especially because it was used for the sake of slutshaming.

[@Nat_778]

Also, it doesn't make me feel good in my relationships as a guy if I'm always the one initiating. It makes me feel like my partner isn't actually very attracted to me if they seemingly never want to initiate anything

[@honeylis7]

Hi, queer person here. Yeah, the line about "we're sexual beings from birth" makes me furious considering how many people with similar views to GD call queer people "pedophiles" and "groomers." We ALL know that the people who are obsessed with sexualizing children are the ones telling them sex is dirty, their bodies are bad, and wearing a spaghetti strap tank top or a bikini makes you less worthy of respect and more deserving of r+pe.

[@anitanielsen1061]

And at 69 too ;-;

[@watermelon..]

yes. i have something to add: people who will call queer people “pedos” and “groomers” are also often the ones that sexualise or fetishise sexualities (e.g.: straight men sexualising lesbians) and that is just as harmful for the people being sexualised. another thing that comes along with oversexualisation of queer people is that people who are on the aroace spectrum are seen as ‘not queer enough’. it’s really annoying and upseting.. anyways, happy pride month everyone

[@PGOuma]

@@watermelon.. HAPPY PRIDE MONTH

[@Josephine_de_Beauharnais1763]

@@watermelon.. Yeah, I'm aroace and I'm trying to learn more about the community but I'm slightly worried I'll stumble into the aphobia section of LGBTQIA. I clicked this video not knowing it was about romance but I stuck around because this person seems to understand what I've been thinking for years. There's so many types of relationships, attractions and connections. It's interesting, yet at the same time I don't get attractions like that so I can get confused but I appreciate the acknowledgement of existence.

[@watermelon..]

@@Josephine_de_Beauharnais1763 I’m asexual aromantic too! So, about the aphobia, I think the best way to avoid it is to know where to go. You could interact with people who have more experience in the community and ask them about it and there are many online groups on different platforms about being aroace. Personally, I’ve been open about it online and have come across other aro/aces more than i’ve come across aphobia. You don’t have to, though. Anyway, my top tip is to get involved in online communities so that if you do stumble across aphobia you have a safe space and people with similar experiences to support you :)

[@marywallace3378]

What’s funny to me is that I, a 25-year-old virgin with very limited dating experience, should be the ideal woman in Bethany and Kristen’s eyes. But they have this insane juxtaposing view that you should be married by your mid-20s or something is wrong. You can’t expect people to abstain from dating and all that stuff until their adulthood and then suddenly be ready to find a marriage partner and quickly pop some kids out.

[@annabeinglazy5580]

Same i Had to laugh Out loud when they Said theyre painfully single at 21 meanwhile i had to actively work to get rid of the mindset that No boyfriend at 16 = i will die an old Cat Lady (though These days that would be awesome haha). I didnt have Sex before 23 and an actual relationship didnt happen before 24. The pressure to be in a relationship actually prevented me from coming Out of my Shell for years. Its tripped me over so much that i get massively annoyed at people pushing their Personal time Limits onto other people.

[@saiyamoru]

> and then suddenly be ready to find a marriage partner and quickly pop some kids out. I feel like this is actually absolutely what they expect. The problem (to us, not to them) is they also perpetuate this 'one true love' 'soulmate' 'fairy-tale' idea of relationships which leads to people making incredibly bad choices in their partners, and because those women are young and inexperienced, they stay. The type of faith-based communities that Girl Defined represents know their numbers are declining as their older audience dies off, and I think they're desperate to keep the cycle of new members being born into their church going. Conditioning the women in those faith-based communities is certainly one way of reducing a living, thinking human being to a baby-making factory.

[@JuriAmari]

I didn’t start dating until December last year. I’m 29. I wasn’t ready until now because I wanted to get to know myself better first, I was done not being approached and doing the passive tactics, & a little something called a pandemic occurred. On top of that, I’m getting a master’s… in theology. 😏 I was super nervous but my mom told me to chill and have fun. Bare minimum I get a new friend out of the experience. GD would definitely cringe at the sentiment. Wait until they learn about other ancient civilizations and religions that had non-binary relationships and emphasize respect of a person’s being. Best part - they (aka NOT GD) make way more sense! As a spiritual person, I find you can’t limit the Divine in how they manifest. We can use text to help explain an aspect but the Divine is ultimately limitless. I also respect those who don’t believe that. Religious and spiritual systems, if anything, need to improve their methods of inquiry, evolve with the times, and respect diverse experiences. The one constant we have is change.

[@GeneralBolas]

This only doesn't make sense if you look at it from the perspective of a woman. This kind of ideology isn't *supposed* to make sense for women. It only makes sense if you look at it from the perspective that women exist solely to be an attachment to a man, to become a specific man's baby factory and caregiver. Then, it makes perfect sense. The ideology exists to train women to think of pleasing a man as their only goal. It trains women to focus only on building a family. It trains women to think of others always and never of themselves. Abstaining from dating until adulthood means that the woman isn't very good at dating, so she won't be as good a picking a good partner as she should be. Pressuring women to get married early again means she won't be selective; she'll take whomever will have her. Etc. This ideology is a machine for churning out a specific kind of woman. That's why "Girl Defined" is probably the best name for this garbage; it exists to define women along a very specific line and never allow any deviation from it.

[@hopekeeley2122]

@@tonyaakaelijahofmalachi45-96 thank you for saying all of this, I’ve been having faith problems in a large part because of bozos who would say I was marked for sin the moment I was born just because of who I love

[@charliewatts7577]

as an asexual person, thank you for mentioning that love can come with just romance, it made me feel validates

[@oliviasommerville4733]

she mentioned the split attraction model and asexuality! :))

[@poke-talia268]

Panromantic ace here, I appreciate the mention of that too. (Also, when creating my own made up language, I made different words for the concepts of physically intimate love, romantic love, familial, worldly, etc. )

[@allie_678]

I love the way she mentions asexuality so much. It makes me feel acknowledged and understood for once in a world that’s often exhaustingly obsessed with sex.

[@nirman423]

I can't tell you how weirded out i am by someone calling the story of Adam and Eve as the greatest love story ever told....

[@tatiana4050]

There is never "will they won't they", there is never struggle in ther relationship, there isn't even a point where they get to know each other and fall in love. Eve literally at 1 days old is already with Adam

[@moniquehanley4704]

It's funny also cuz we don't see much of Adam and Eve's relationship outside of their dooming man kind with their disobedience to God... yeah greatest love story EVER 🤣 There are def way better couples in the Bible then them and rightly so lol

[@crypticcorvid]

I prefer the great love story of Adam and Steve, personally. /j

[@ronaldreaganhater6982]

Time to fuck my own rib let's gooo

[@chocolattefeverdreams4228]

@@ronaldreaganhater6982 noo 😭✋

[@julkap4190]

"I refuse to give into false idea that man can breastfeed a baby" Really. Because I watched a documentary in witch they talked about men who were able to lactate a little bit in special cases (without adding hormones or anything). I assume that Girl Defined didn't watch this :D.

[@jon66097]

6:56 The problem isn't kissing at that age or casual dating. The problem is someone forcing a kiss on someone. That can happen even in marriage. As usual, purity culture focuses on all the wrong stuff.

[@Pandozzi]

Bizarre how in their mind there is only one correct way to.. do anything. I mean they literally do not understand the concept of individuality.

[@RachelOates]

What is this “individual” you speak of? 🤔

[@juratory8876]

@@RachelOates Even Kristin and Bethany don't know.

[@-S.L.]

Tbf to them, if someone grows up with a dysfunctional, abusive Christian environment, a cult-like attitude may get drilled into their head from childhood that there is usually only one correct way to do a thing. Deviation from the ''correct way'' equals sin, which equals danger (e.g. condemnation/abuse/shaming from family and community, including terrifying talk of divine punishment). They're like kids desperately trying to convince themselves and their parents/family that they really are following All The Rules, so they don't need to be attacked. And part of following All The Rules in Christian environments can sometimes mean desperately trying to convince other people to have the same opinions as you and also follow All The Rules, because that's how you save other people from hell and "please God". I know a lot of people rightly criticise Girl Defined, but I think there's often a lack of acknowledgement of the fact that they are very much victims of a horrifying environment/culture and their videos are essentially an outworking of their own anxiety, fear and trauma. If you know how bad it can get in an abusive Christian environment then their behavior sadly makes total sense...

[@nicanz1500]

@@RachelOates Rachel!!!! I know I’m watching this video a year in the future, but GD put out a video yesterday (!!) about Pride Month at Target and how disgusting it is to sexualise children (because there are rainbow onesies talking about loving each other…). Meanwhile in this video they say “we are sexual from the moment we are born”. Get over there and watch it before they restrict it lol

[@lalili0101]

You know what that reminds me of? A CULT

[@meedabuhuh3084]

Oh geeze, I just don't understand how things like this can exist. As Rachel says a lot - personally believing in specific types of relationships and ideals (e.g. being a housewife, wanting marriage before a certain age, wanting a large family etc) is FINE. But pushing it onto people, especially the impressionable and possibly vulnerable audiences that these books seem to be written, is creepy and very possibly dangerous. Just let people be themselves, judgement free.

[@cheeseisherelive753]

I have not gotten far in this video but I did see the first and I unfortunately understand it. I was raised in a very similar way as they appear to have been and those “values” are heavily influenced and pushed onto us TO push onto others. And if they don’t leave that area/influence or meet people with different worldviews and genuinely are open to them, they will just continue on. I am grateful I was able to break out of it, but it’s sad to see its still going so strong… It’s really a cult imo, man 😔

[@bagfootbandit8745]

I was also raised in this culture and on these values. I Kissed Dating Goodbye was my 14-year-old mantra. It was so cathartic, healing and hopeful for me when the author recanted most of his views.

[@lacey892]

That's what gets me. If you are an informed and consenting adult and you're not harming anyone, you should live your life however you want. Be as virginal and pious (and cringe) as you damn well please lol what do I care... The issue for me is how you're a privileged and sheltered white cishet christian woman thinking (out of everyone on earth and all walks of life) that you have found the key to life and figured it all out! To the point that you're writing how-to books for young girls? This is probably the most perfect example of psychological patriarchy at work.

[@tonyaakaelijahofmalachi45-96]

The Bible says God prefers for people to be in LGBT relationships. Anyone that teaches the LIE of monetary tithing, sells anything using the gospel, or teaches that same-sex marriage is a sin CHOOSES to die with the wicked. Luke 10:7 states the only wages for ministering are eating and drinking whatever you are given. Also, know that rich people will all die. You can't be a Christian, sit on all kinds of money, watch your fellow brothers and sisters starve, suffer, or be homeless, choose to do nothing about it, and think that it's ok. Those are all wolves. Mathew 19:12 Eunuchs that are born that way are transgender. Eunuchs made that way by others were abused in some way and something inside of them blocks off a certain type of body but it doesn't happen to everyone that is abused. Those that choose to live like Eunuchs FOR THE SAKE OF THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN are bisexual people that choose partners of the same sex-characteristics but opposite in regards to gender. Notice, it states God PREFERS for people to be in LGBT relationships. Leviticus, Corinthians, and Timothy were translated wrong by Billy Graham. Those verses are actually referring to pedophilia. Romans 1:27 All of the men were male in regards to gender, all of the women were female in gender. It is not referring to Eunuchs (where one partner is transgender). Also, it had nothing to do with marriage of any kind. They were trying to procreate during orgies so God did it on purpose. Anyone that continues to teach same sex marriage is a sin when the Bible says God prefers for people to be in LGBT relationships will also die by their own choice. In order to be a church building, the place must house people inside of it. Otherwise it is just another private money-making business part of Babylon that furthers satan's agenda. Stay out of the fake churches. I am Elijah of Malachi 4:5-6 and Acts 3:22-23 says it will come to pass that anyone that fails to listen to me will be UTTERLY destroyed from among the people. Again, everyone has a choice. And anyone that deletes my messages CHOOSES to reject Jesus Christ Himself and that means they also CHOOSE to die with the wicked. I am Elijah so that means any discrepancies in the holy books are ultimately decided by me. I am also to usher in the Messiah! Be ready: Jesus is coming back! WORLD PEACE IS COMING!! By the way, anything based on gender norms no longer applies. In fact, the last will be first and the first will be last. It's women that will be ruling the kingdom of heaven........ And rapture is not what most people think. Its when God's true people shine with the glory of God and are miraculously healed. Read Malchi 4:2-4 and the verses surrounding it........... Malachi 2 proves Malachi 3:8-11 is talking to the thieving church leaders. Every single major church and fake preacher on television knew since August of 2020 if they brought the money back they were never supposed to take for ministering then God would end Covvid but they love money so much they intentionally chose to kill everyone instead of repenting.. Sodom was bout rape and greed, nothing to do with marriage of any kind . . .

[@cooloox]

@@cheeseisherelive753 I agree that it almost is a cult, but so is the pretend 100 genders and pretending a man can give birth. That's a childish, fact-denying, delusional cult.

[@tinycrimester]

"i am not a breast-feeding person, i am a woman" always has the same ring to me as when people say that allowing samesex marriage somehow ruins their "biblical" marriage. like... ok, love it for you sis, but can you accept the fact that your experience is not shared by literally everyone in the world?

[@writingramm4790]

Also it doesn't take away from u either. Like, gay marriage still leaves room for hetero marriage

[@j.c.2240]

I just want to say something to these people, something to give their brains a blue screen

[@ivyhearst3554]

The thing is, that statement is true for every woman who is not currently breastfeeding. So it's like... yeah? Me too, what about it?

[@melodyvalentine8779]

OK, but you clearly don't "love it" for us "sis" or you wouldn't be enforcing it. There's a MASSIVE issue made of people being "misgendered" and people can say they want to be referred to as whatever and if you don't go along with it you're a bigot. Yet when a woman says she doesn't want to be called a chest feeding person, or a uterus owner, there's a problem. Why can't we just stay as women, actual women, separate from trans women? Much like bi people aren't just classed as gay. There's a category for everyone now, to the point of ridiculousness, but the most basic concepts of man and woman are becoming a taboo. If you're able to breastfeed, you're a woman. You can still be a woman and not be able to breast feed but if you can you're a woman. If you don't want to be referred to as a woman, and want to live as a man, maybe don't get pregnant and breast feed. Surely that's triggering the very body/gender dismorphia/disphoria that makes you trans in the first place?

[@writingramm4790]

@@melodyvalentine8779 are you genuinely asking or are you here to debate your point?

[@eepmeep8550]

I feel bad for all the sex-repulsed ace christians out there who get married and force themselves to do things they don't want to.

[@marcelamonkey4268]

Me too. As a Christian ace myself literally couldn’t imagine.

[@moerakibeachbumb]

That was my mom for 29 years because she bought into this type of ideology.

[@theeccentric7263]

They’re not forcing themselves. They’ve been coerced, society/others are forcing them. I get what you’re saying and I agree but the way you phrased it was kinda victim-blamey.

[@moerakibeachbumb]

@@theeccentric7263 "They’re not forcing themselves." Yeah, sex-repulsed aces really are forcing themselves to behave as expected. You do understand the meaning of the word repulsed, right?

[@nataliejonas880]

This was me. I was married at 21 to someone I was not in love with. But I definitely think I was coerced and brainwashed into thinking I was doing the right thing. I'm now divorced and an atheist. I am completely in love with my current partner. These videos are both triggering (because of Girl Defined) and validating (because of Rachel's analysis). I feel sad for many Christian women who are subjected to a life of being oppressed by these confusing and controlling beliefs and views.

[@loganmiller7827]

I'm a Christian and I've never heard anyone describe the story of Adam and Eve as a love story. Why wouldn't they just pick an actual love story from the Bible, like Ruth?

[@augustlunaonline]

Or the Song of Songs! An actual love poem in the bible!

[@miscalotastuff733]

You shouldnt be getting romance advice from the bible. Dont forget they thought women didnt have souls and women were amoral without a man. The old testament not a good place for that let alone the bible in general.

[@miscalotastuff733]

@@tonyaakaelijahofmalachi45-96 hey yo man got a really stupid question. What about a sexuality when you have zero sex drive and sex repulsed? Got my head chewed for my "problem" and not having kids which I have been unable to have. Plus had some carcinoma in my uterus so yeeted it was! Told I was an evil jezebel sinfull beotch. What is your take on this? Thank you if you respond. This has been serisously nagging me cause it feels way off.

[@universal_stupidity]

@@miscalotastuff733 If you are not interested in sex or relationships, then there are multiple verses, including some in the letters of Paul and some in the gospels, about people who choose to stay single and how relationships aren't meant for everyone, these may also be applied to simply sex but might not fit perfectly. I can't think of any for asexuality without aromanticism but I'm sure there are some, I hope you can find some!

[@universal_stupidity]

@@miscalotastuff733 1 Corinthians 7:3 applies if you have chosen to stay single, but the verse about being a voluntary eunich for the kingdom could also describe an asexual, because a definition of a eunich is also just someone who can't/doesn't have sex, aka a voluntary celibate. also if you are in a relationship, the verses about giving sex in a relationship just say that both partners need to agree to the amount of sex in the relationship, so if your partner agrees it's still biblically fine

[@literatureimp9376]

It’s hilarious because my sister dated a ton and my deeply religious family was like “when are you going to settle down? Are you dating intentionally?” And then I started dating my current boyfriend at 16 and have been with him for over 8 years and they are like “did you settle down too fast? How could you know he is the one if you haven’t dated other people?” It should be known that we are both known as the “fallen away” (atheist) grandchildren/cousins/nieces

[@barbieblues7639]

Nothing is ever enough with people like that.

[@josephblaiddyd]

@@barbieblues7639 Exactly. They always find a way to shame and belittle.

[@Amira_Phoenix]

They just poke their noses in everybody's business

[@sparklethefarkle]

I live in the rural south where I hear ideologies like Kristen and Bethanys spewed all the time. Thanks for the reminder that not everyone is insane.

[@shbondful]

Same here. Southern-but-tolerably-sane solidarity!

[@honeylis7]

Hello, fellow non-insane Southerner!

[@over-the-hilltop6920]

Can't wait to leave this place

[@honeylis7]

@@over-the-hilltop6920 Me too. I've got small children and I work very hard to raise them to know that the "norm" around here is usually NOT okay. There's a church on every corner, but my family would not be welcome at many of them.

[@catk4289]

Also from the south. I was raised in a very conservative southern Baptist church, now I don’t have any of the same beliefs 😂

[@silverarcher2866]

For the initiation thing literally one of the women who is praised in the Bible made the first move (Ruth) and it worked out and was one of the holiest relationships according to the Bible

[@JuriAmari]

I recall in my Islamic studies class I took in grad school that the Prophet Muhammad fell in love with his first wife because she was intelligent, had a thriving business, and she took initiative in the relationship. Being confident in yourself is attractive! Also Songs of Solomon, anyone?

[@barbieblues7639]

Didn't she also just lift his clothes up and start blowing him or whatever? That's how she started their relationship. She literally just pounced on him. 😂

[@frostnova2144]

Hahaha, holy indeed 😏

[@undefinedgirl8974]

@@JuriAmari Khadija, right? I never studied Islam in depth but wasn't she a widow, older than him and was the only wife he had children with? In GD's eyes she wouldn't ever be marriage material but if I'm not mistaken their marriage is portrayed as the ultimate love story.

[@katrinam6795]

Also Ruth is praised for her loyalty to her mither in law who sets her and Boas up

[@tomsenior7405]

There is no Hatred like Christian Love.

[@KM-ur8ki]

This kind of teaching is exactly what I cried after my first kiss (at 16) because I didn’t “save it for my husband.” 🤦‍♀️

[@maggiee639]

I had a friend in high school who wanted to save her first kiss for her wedding day 💀

[@ginger_nspice]

There's a difference between "compromise" and "sacrifice." They are often used interchangeably. But in relationships, compromises are acceptable but sacrifices can be unhealthy.

[@lacey892]

yes and it's not inherently bad to compromise as long as you're not the only one in the relationship that ever ends up having to do so. That's another thing I think a lot of people don't talk about is the willingness of **both** partners to look out for each other and pick up the slack sometimes when needed, not just one of them.

[@tamarat9735]

Exactly, especially because in Kristen and Bethany's understanding, the person who should always compromise and sacrifice themselves is a the woman in the relationship. That makes their rethoric particularly unhealthy - telling young women that the only way to show and feel love is to sacrifice everything to make your husband happy and content, and not only that, but also, the more unhappy you are, the truer the love is. Gross.

[@ginger_nspice]

@I'm So Tired Right on! Your examples illustrate the point well, I've had similar experiences in relationships. ps. I love snakes, too hehe 🐍

[@valp.5095]

And both can lead to bitterness and resentment from both sides. From the woman because she feels she sacrificed so much and cannot get out of it and from the man because he is still not happy with his live and is blaming his wife or indeed the other way around.

[@auraclesong7208]

@@tamarat9735 Not only that but in that example in the book it took 70 years for the husband to think "Oh yeah, maybe I should do something for my wife too". Like...yikes.

[@lanagomisc.6005]

I'm 23 now, but I turned the "painfully single" 21 a few months before the Ol' Rona crashed into our lives. Definitely not the best time to consider dating, let alone marriage.

[@lacey892]

Right I got dumped in summer 2020 and honestly I have just been focusing on school and family... and it's been pretty chill lol

[@shmooples]

Same! And I was writing my undergrad dissertation at the time when the Ol' Rona came knocking, then I jumped into a master's degree, so I was a bit preoccupied 😂 Dating was definitely not a priority, and honestly, nor has it ever been for me

[@dannabanana52]

I have kids the same age and they really missed out on those years. So did you. I’m here to tell you that you have lots of time! I hated that y’all had to be inside during that time, but I know you’re still very young. I don’t think I even had a life plan until 27. (I’m 50 now)

[@KirstenMarie_MS3]

Uhhh.... woops. I'm 35 and single. But it gets worse. I gave up the ability to have biological children in exchange for my life back. That's a tale in and of itself. Finding a surgeon who would do the surgery literally took almost a decade. I guess I'm as broken as they come. 🤷‍♀️

[@rumaisakhan5583]

I mean according to Bethany and the other one you have no reason to live 😔 you can not procreate 😔 rip 🪦

[@koobea4859]

Jesus came to heal the broken-hearted and bind up their wounds (Psalms 147.3)

[@warlordofbritannia]

In conjunction with your spiel about different forms of relationships, I also want to point out there’s different forms of love-not just that sort of spousal or even parental unconditional love, but also the kind of love you can feel for a friend or pet. Like, my very best friend is a woman, but I (straight male) have never felt that type of love for her that Bethany and Christin seem so obsessed with. Yet, I love her as well, I just don’t desire a sexual or romantic relationship with her. There’s no “just friends” caveat or some sort of lesser relationship-it’s simply what it is. I can’t help but figure that such a love would be incomprehensible to Girls Defined, that they’d forever expect some sort of desire to actually be buried within me or something. Especially with how heterocentric they seem….

[@tiniepuppie]

this is so true! people like GD seem to think entirely in black & white, right & wrong, when really there are so many ways to experience a fulfilling life- even within Christianity. Not all love is romantic or platonic/familial. there is plenty of grey area where many people happily exist in relationships that defy GD's close-minded view of love, such as queerplatonic relationships

[@Josephine_de_Beauharnais1763]

Love is definitely a spectrum. People literally knew this before Jesus was born. The Greeks. They used different words for love and had gods, Aphrodite as the goddess of beauty who had a child named Eros, the god of love. The words and meanings: Eros, romantic and passionate love; Philia, companionship friendship love; Erotoropia/Ludus, flirtatious love; Storge, familial love; Agápe, empathic worldly love (empathy for every human being); and Pragma, which is committed, compassionate love. There are probably subdivisions and smaller breakdowns than that. There are many, many, maaaaany types of love. You can feel all, or you could not feel one or two or more. But feelings are not wrong, how you act on them can be (like if someone potentially felt Erotoropia for someone on the street and decided to cat-call them instead of giving a genuine compliment (that's harassment, they did not ask). If you feel Agápe while walking down the street, you could wave or say good day (don't use this to excuse murderers). Love is a broad category.

[@dianacutie99]

as an asexual lesbian, questioning demiromantic?, yeah ahaha love is so much more fucking complicated than they make it out to be, and it's fucking gross

[@sunebites]

Girl defined? more like girl declined

[@sunebites]

@@REPENTandTurnz 1- I'm not shaming them based on their gender?? "girl defined" is their channel name. They say it's meant to be " What a girl means" Hence the word, DEFINED. I made a silly pun, changing it to "Declined" Because if that is what they think women should be, I see it as a decline. I don't do insults to individuals, nor genders for that matter. You'll never catch me insulting anyone ever. 2- Just because they're female doesn't mean I can't criticize their views as individuals. Are they 100% wrong? Yes. are their beliefs kind of silly and outdated? Yes. Will I make fun of their gender? Never. get your facts straight. This also has nothing to do with feminism, even if I am one.

[@Monasaurus_Rex]

@@REPENTandTurnz are you okay? Who hurt you? Lol

[@lindseystein9676]

@Roqstar critiquing their actions and beliefs is not shaming

[@lindseystein9676]

@Roqstar also, they’re not trying to convince/indoctrinate girls into their beliefs so they have safer pregnancies. What an odd justification. They do that to get people to fall in line with what they believe the Bible claims. Feminism is just another term for equality. You’re projecting your own misconceptions. There are no rules for feminists to get married as early as possible or to put off having children to fulfill a career, the choice should be theirs alone, not pressure by religion or family.

[@lindseystein9676]

@Roqstar it’s not them as people that some people don’t like (well most people), it’s their message. If I were a public figure spreading harmful messages as they do, I’d expect criticism. Trying to say all of Rachel’s viewers hate girl defined is disingenuous. Also, I *would* critique an overweight person if their beliefs mandated they become and stay overweight. It would be a dangerous belief. Lastly, no one is saying 21 yr olds are not fit to be wives and mothers. People *are* saying that becoming a wife and mother as young as possible shouldn’t be pushed onto people by way of religion because it’s “what god wants.” It’s not okay to guilt or pressure anyone into doing that, it should be the persons own choice without outside influences, as I’ve said before.

[@chloekm7958]

Getting married at 21 and having kids asap is a great way to not have any idea who you really are when you get older. My 20s were a rollercoaster of self discovery and pitfalls, I cant imagine growing up while raising a family.

[@rhondaw]

I was responsible for taking care of my siblings and household chores while in high school.

[@clubx1000]

With no pressure I have no real love life. And that's no family

[@orthodoxretrograde40]

That’s the problem with our culture; we shouldn’t be “growing up” in our 20s, growing up is for children. People in their 20s are adults. That’s not to say that people shouldn’t grow and gain in wisdom and understanding; but that is a lifelong thing that doesn’t stop when you turn 30.

[@gbond-yk9pw]

@@orthodoxretrograde40 Good point. You're absolutely right; the notion of "growing up" is indeed a lifelong journey, not confined to any specific age. Let me draw from history and literature to echo this sentiment: William Shakespeare in "As You Like It": "All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts."This famous passage reminds us that life is a continuous journey, with each stage offering new roles and responsibilities. Growing up isn't a one-time event but a series of transitions throughout life. Mark Twain in "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer": "When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."Twain humorously captures the realization that wisdom doesn't come with a specific age; it's a gradual process of learning and understanding that continues throughout life. Mahatma Gandhi once said: "Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever."This quote underscores the idea that personal growth and learning are perpetual endeavors, not limited by age. It encourages us to approach life with curiosity and a thirst for knowledge, regardless of our stage in life. These examples from different times and perspectives affirm that growing up isn't a fixed milestone but a continuous journey of learning, understanding, and personal development.

[@liamturner1342]

Let's go back to what marriage is really about - strategic political alliances between kingdoms! (I don't know if that's historically accurate, just making a joke to poke fun at the idea that there's only one correct way/reason to commit marriage)

[@lunamoreno7294]

My kind of marriage is one where a man I've never met has to bribe my father to give me away.

[@florianopolis6299]

It's a contract. That's what it is. It defines who gets your stuff and kids when you die.

[@BanglesAU]

21 is painfully single when you are a christian. I had a guy from across the state come to "check me out" in my church because he was looking for a wife. I didn't know about that and I had an argument with him.... not that knowing would of stopped me. When I was told he had come 'for me' I was kinda creeped out.

[@alim.9801]

That is so uncomfortable and bizarre, wtf??

[@FrumiousMing8]

Also there's tons of polygamy in the bible too so their idea of a "God defined marriage" being limited to 1 man + 1 woman is false.

[@lauraberg6872]

That's really only true before the law of Moses was imposed and only happened when Israel eventually was governed by kings. Before that the legal and government goings on were handled by judges. The Israelites considered foreign wives of kings dangerous (they weren't being mean-some of them practiced child sacrifice). By the the of Jesus Jews were monogamous people.

[@lauraberg6872]

There are some exceptions to this but some arrangements were them trying to solve social problems or messed up practices that were abolished later. Remember with the Bible is that people at that time did not have the knowledge we have now. They didn't know certain things were not right all the time. They were products if thier understanding of the world at that time. It looks foreign to us, but even the concept of certain table manners wasn't developed until the Middle Ages.

[@jibekmechler139]

Tbf that never ended well for anyone

[@Amira_Phoenix]

GB are two beeches in heat desperate for a mate... anyone with a mast will do, that's how much dignity they have 😂

[@hi-rw4nl]

As someone who is 18 the thought of having to settle down and be married in 3 years is INSANE. Why would you want to deal with marriage when the early twenties is when you can do stuff finally

[@saturngirl3748]

Marriage is not set in stone I'm 36 and I never got married either it's a personal choice and nobody actually has to do it. Its not the same as working a job its a life time commitment that only certain people choose to make and it doesn't make you less of a woman or man for not following the status quo and going through with it.

[@allihodges5254]

growing up, everyone around me was married at 18. and even now, the people i knew from church are still getting married at 18 and before. i’m 19 now and i can’t even IMAGINE. it sounds miserable.

[@victoriarotramel2274]

I got married at 19 and we've been together happily for 10 years but DEAR GOD who let two 19 year-olds get married?!?!? Neither of our parents had anything to say about us being too young, they said "ok we are happy for you" and that was it. I'm almost 30 now and cannot believe how flippant our families were about letting us get married that soon. It has worked well for us and I wouldn't want my life to be any different but holy hell I would have at least told my own daughter not to rush into things.

[@celticcrow333d5]

I married at 20, been married almost 10 years now. However, I married young cause I was in the military and I love my husband deeply. Never would expect everyone to marry young.

[@Josephine_de_Beauharnais1763]

At 21 the prefrontal cortex (Part that makes decisions and weighs options) is very very likely to be underdeveloped, as it is usually fully mature by mid-to-late twenties. Peer pressure and fomo(fear of missing out) can really mess with a person's brain and have them not thinking rationally. Wasn't Jesus about thirty or something when he started to try to save humanity?

[@alisongorski3664]

When I was 21, I was in collage. I had no interest in getting married. I'm 62 now, still single and very happy.

[@rosieholstein3233]

The life these people describe living sounds fucking depressing, I'd rather live an imperfect life, loving who I want to love, rather than forcing myself to live with the first christian man who came my way.

[@marywallace3378]

Thankfully I came from a Christian family who understood the importance of dating without the intention of marriage. Short-term dating, or even dating someone for years but not thinking of marriage as the end goal, is so important and very healthy. It takes time to know yourself and to know what you like and don’t like, you have to give yourself time to try things out. If you do meet “the one” and decide that’s it, great, but dating is not a one-size-fits-all and many Christians don’t seem to grasp that.

[@Monasaurus_Rex]

It took breaking the rules to make my mom see that you can’t just be able be smart and mature in relationships if you only start dating at 18. Like that’s how you get into a manipulative or abusive marriage

[@danielahernandezortega2618]

Right now I'm going through a breakup, which has had me reflecting a lot about what love means. I reallly appreciate this type of videos calling out harmful content, since the media might distort our perception of the world and in this case, love. People that are struggling with love are the most vulnerable to those books, and these in deep reviews really help Love what you're doing with your videos!

[@amberfrost3653]

I had my son at 19 and was married divorced to his father by 23. I would never go back in time and change having him but would definitely change my age. I was still a baby myself! I was definitely taught at a young age that my purpose was to get married and have kids young.. even to this day my grandparents always ask when I'm having more kids and I just say "if you're paying my bills, then you can decide how many kids i have." This is crazy.

[@alunoodalmheiri7028]

How are u genuinely shocked that they thought of marriage at the age of 21? lol Realistically, thats whats absolute abstinence does to people. "Marriage" becomes a synonym for sex.

[@orthodoxretrograde40]

I’m a Christian who is waiting until marriage and I can tell you that my desire for marriage has very little to do with sex (in fact I used to consider myself somewhat asexual) and everything to do with companionship and having a family.

[@orthodoxretrograde40]

And I’m 20.

[@wormsinpeaches]

Thank you for always including non-monogamous, asexual, single people, etc in your videos. And for mentioning that there are different kinds of love and it’s okay if you don’t have or want them all. It’s a very open minded and inclusive approach to dating and relationships. Everybody should be able to feel included in the conversation no matter their perspective on being with others romantically or sexually. Thanks again🌈💖

[@heathercameron1485]

What I find interesting about Girl Defined is that they regard themselves as wise relationship experts. Their books are written for teaching purposes, yet their writing very clearly reveals how naïve and sheltered they are. The cringe comes from their total obliviousness to their naïveté. Even in adulthood they had incredibly childish and simplistic views on how love and relationships work and assume everyone else thinks on this very child-like level. They even wrongly think that the "secular world" is far too influenced by Hollywood, even though their views on love seemed to come directly from Disney movies.

[@aceofhearts37]

It's honestly very wholesome how you manage to find positive messages in between all the hate they're spewing. It's extremely weird to realize that people like Kristen and Bethany give this advice with good intentions in mind (even if it only applies to a very narrow type of person - straight, cis, white, middle-class, fundamentalist Christian women). It's extremely harmful, but the fact that it's not meant as harmful creates such a weird dissonance for me. I can't quite choose the best words to use for this, but I hope you get what I mean. Also, your bit "following" their tips towards the end of the video was absolutely hilarious. Thanks for making me laugh out loud at 1AM.

[@sparkelyspacedino]

cool name

[@ribbonduckling1314]

Fun fact: while Juliet is confirmed 13, Romeo is anywhere from 16-24.

[@indie-rose6]

Your casual acknowledge and acceptance of people on the ace spectrum makes me want to cry. Thank you. :]

[@andrewkoster6506]

Their "compliments for men" are so forced and insincere that when Rachel was reading them, it felt like she was making fun of me. Hilarious :D

[@_peepee_]

crazy how cold and calculated their version of love is

[@Rebecca-ex2ge]

Taking all emotions out of relationships will do that.

[@leigheaux928]

I am 20 years old and I have never been in a relationship of any kind. To be honest, this idea that you need to marry by 21 and start a family is extremely distressing to people my boat, and even people who are older! I feel primarily very content being single but this push from Christians (including my family) to find someone is so stressful and makes me feel like a failure sometimes :(. It happens at the right time, there should be no push!

[@stellablake6200]

I completely agree! I'm about to turn 24 and I'm pretty much in the same boat. I probably would have started dating a year or two ago if that had been possible, but before that I just wasnt ready. I used to feel super awkward about not having dated, but I'm super glad I didnt rush into things when I didnt feel good about it. And honestly I really enjoy living alone with my cats, 10/10 would recommend lol

[@megwilliams6767]

you are no failure! it's fantastic you are content with yourself, that's so important to your own happiness. be easy on yourself, and continue to just be the best version of yourself!

[@cabpeer5963]

You should tell them that CS Lewis didn't get married or fall in love till he was in his 50s

[@tonyaakaelijahofmalachi45-96]

The Bible says God prefers for people to be in LGBT relationships. Anyone that teaches the LIE of monetary tithing, sells anything using the gospel, or teaches that same-sex marriage is a sin CHOOSES to die with the wicked. Luke 10:7 states the only wages for ministering are eating and drinking whatever you are given. Also, know that rich people will all die. You can't be a Christian, sit on all kinds of money, watch your fellow brothers and sisters starve, suffer, or be homeless, choose to do nothing about it, and think that it's ok. Those are all wolves. Mathew 19:12 Eunuchs that are born that way are transgender. Eunuchs made that way by others were abused in some way and something inside of them blocks off a certain type of body but it doesn't happen to everyone that is abused. Those that choose to live like Eunuchs FOR THE SAKE OF THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN are bisexual people that choose partners of the same sex-characteristics but opposite in regards to gender. Notice, it states God PREFERS for people to be in LGBT relationships. Leviticus, Corinthians, and Timothy were translated wrong by Billy Graham. Those verses are actually referring to pedophilia. Romans 1:27 All of the men were male in regards to gender, all of the women were female in gender. It is not referring to Eunuchs (where one partner is transgender). Also, it had nothing to do with marriage of any kind. They were trying to procreate during orgies so God did it on purpose. Anyone that continues to teach same sex marriage is a sin when the Bible says God prefers for people to be in LGBT relationships will also die by their own choice. In order to be a church building, the place must house people inside of it. Otherwise it is just another private money-making business part of Babylon that furthers satan's agenda. Stay out of the fake churches. I am Elijah of Malachi 4:5-6 and Acts 3:22-23 says it will come to pass that anyone that fails to listen to me will be UTTERLY destroyed from among the people. Again, everyone has a choice. And anyone that deletes my messages CHOOSES to reject Jesus Christ Himself and that means they also CHOOSE to die with the wicked. I am Elijah so that means any discrepancies in the holy books are ultimately decided by me. I am also to usher in the Messiah! Be ready: Jesus is coming back! WORLD PEACE IS COMING!! By the way, anything based on gender norms no longer applies. In fact, the last will be first and the first will be last. It's women that will be ruling the kingdom of heaven........ And rapture is not what most people think. Its when God's true people shine with the glory of God and are miraculously healed. Read Malchi 4:2-4 and the verses surrounding it........... Malachi 2 proves Malachi 3:8-11 is talking to the thieving church leaders. Every single major church and fake preacher on television knew since August of 2020 if they brought the money back they were never supposed to take for ministering then God would end Covvid but they love money so much they intentionally chose to kill everyone instead of repenting.. Sodom was bout rape and greed, nothing to do with marriage of any kind . . . . .

[@resourcedragon]

Some people _never_ get married or are in relationships. That's just how they are. Some people are asexual, some are aromantic (ace and aro respectively) some people are just very fussy about who they get into a relationship with, some people have very limited choices and they prefer quality over quantity, some people may be gay and not too keen on the opposite sex people on offer for that reason. And there are probably other reasons why people delay getting into relationships and those reasons are valid, too. You're not a failure if you fall into any of those categories. Rather, you are being true to yourself, which is an essential step towards being a true winner.

[@PidgeyHowler]

As someone who is aromantic, I hate the idea that everyone understands romance. Like, I specifically identify as "quoiromantic", I literally don't understand what romance is. So when people talk as if everyone gets it, its so exhausting. "You know that feeling everyone has?" And I'm like "LOL no, can you please explain it? What is this feeling?"

[@Roadent1241]

"OMG like duh that fluttery feeling you get?? When you like?? Look at a hot dude???" Me as an ace - I mean I don't wanna feck a sunset either, that's what aesthetically pleasing people are like to me.... I only get fluttery like that when it's Christmas dinner time and the roasties are in goose fat. GOOSE FAT!!! And then we end up going through the Ace Bingo Boards... -_- I wonder what the aro ones are, if you have any?

[@wingedyera]

I have that with crushes I don't crush.. I can fall in love and I can love and I like romance but the idea of crushes completely baffles me. which I guess makes me demi romantic?

[@JuriAmari]

OMG yes. I’m still figuring out if I’m even capable of romantic feelings. I do feel like I’m on the ace spectrum though, more sure on the S orientation (demi). I enjoy romantic fanfic and I’ve had crushes but it hasn’t given me a single clue as to what “being in love” feels like! And that’s on top of dealing with the pandemic and dating-for-the-first-time nerves.

[@Clementine3107]

@@Roadent1241 SAME SAME

[@PidgeyHowler]

I too love romantic fanfics. I've honestly just started to consider that maybe what I thought was a crush was just some other kind of attraction entirely and I just mistook it for romantic attraction because I had nothing else to go off of.

[@noellestradamus]

I'm curious to how girl defined reconciles the lived reality of intersex people.

[@tacobell1299]

Honestly I have a feeling they don't even know intersex people exist or they don't understand what that is

[@pencilpauli9442]

Who we marry is *JUST* as important as why we marry? To quote Ron Weasley, "She seriously needs to sort her priorities out!" SMH

[@kwansrealbff]

as someone who finds the idea of being in a romantic relationship really uncomfortable and also has a best friend they love very much, its so nice to hear the way you talk about how different people feel about love and relationships :,) your channel is such a safe space rachel oates my beloved

[@JaceDeanLove]

Awesome video! You should do more videos on mental health after this!. As someone with schizoaffective bipolar type (schizophrenia and bipolar) I can tell you belief in demons and evil can really fuck with your psyche

[@clairebear-96]

Omg your little acting-out bits at the end to demonstrate the clothes, movement, touch etc….. i’m dying, i love it

[@thebeaside]

I always think it’s hilarious how in the sense that I got married at 22 to the first man I fell in love with and have had a successful healthy monogamous relationship for the last 10 years makes it seem like I’m the Christian ideal, but the reality is my husband and I are both godless heathens who fucked around a lot before we got together and we both don’t want kids either. I just find it hilarious how there is this idea in conservative religious culture that if you sleep around that it somehow damages your ability to have a healthy relationship later on, which is so not true. All my one night stands were actually pretty healthy relationships, two people just wanting to have a good time and respecting each other’s boundaries, and even if they weren’t coming from a healthy place, people can change and grow and heal and learn to build healthier relationships.

[@cricket8875]

I don't usually comment on things, but I just wanted to thank you so much for reinforcing the fact that nonbinary, asexual, demisexual, and aromantic people exist and are valid. I'm personally nonbinary and asexual, and it can be stressful and so isolating when most people either don't believe you exist/could possibly be who and what you say you are, or treat who and what you are as a problem that needs to be solved, either socially or psychologically. So just... to hear you call that kind of thinking out, and champion so hard for our validity means so much.

[@livnatkafka9017]

In the old testament there are two stories about the creation of adam and eve one where eve was created from adam ribs and one where they created together as equals I absolutely hate the fact that some religious people like girl defined a. Ignore completely the second story because that is pretty hippocampal b.spread harmful misogynistic bullshit and gender roles based on it Ps as someone who took a bible class in a Jewish school I only learned the second story when I was 17 because I had a great teacher who taught us as extra material when that is the first chapter you learn in first grade because the school doesn't think it's important to learn it so yeah that really pushes my buttons🙃

[@JuriAmari]

Yep. In fact the created-as-equals story was in chapter 1 of Genesis! That always stood out to me.

[@evadneanderson7474]

Ooooo. Read Proverbs chapter 8, if you're so inclined. It shows distinctly where the divine feminine originates from, and who God was talking to when he said "Let us make mankind in our image, and he created them, male and female." I believe it starts around verse 20 of chapter 8, and it has direct parallels with Genesis 1.

[@tonichan89]

Urgh, that is so telling, isn't it?

[@tellyisdreaming]

"I describe myself as 'I'm creative, I'm intelligent'-" literally me describing myself. Also, I can't even describe myself as a "woman" or "feminine" or a "girl" because it just... seem unecessary? Like, it's just a minuscule part of me. It literally doesn't matter. Let's move on.

[@saraheisenhower1132]

Hearing Kristen and Bethany’s ideas about marriage reminds me so painfully of my grandparents. They were never a truly good pair for each other. My grandfather is “the leader,” but it so quickly got to the point that my grandmother COULD NOT think for herself without him telling her what to do every second of the day. All sense of independence has been squandered out of her. She has very bad dementia now, and only in the last year or two since it’s begun has she started to stand up for herself (probably because she isn’t always aware that he’s really her husband). He made her eat things he liked to eat, and she never told him that she doesn’t like certain foods because she wanted to keep him happy. And if she doesn’t eat dinner when she’s having a bad night, he also will not eat?? Because they have to do it together or not at all?? And when she’s confused and in an anxious state, she says things about sex and how she never liked it but she felt like she had to do it for her marriage (she was never educated on it growing up, and didn’t talk to her kids about it either because it made her uncomfortable and it felt dirty). She lives with so much fear of not getting into heaven and not being a good catholic wife. Since the onset of her dementia so many things have been coming to light about my grandparents’ (very unhealthy) relationship, and the way my mom and her siblings were raised. Needless to say, all 5 of them stopped going to church a long time ago, and my sister and cousins and I were not raised religious, in large part due to the role Roman Catholicism’s traditional gender/marriage standards have played in destroying my grandmother’s sense of self and autonomy, and in turn the toxicity of their marriage and the effects it had on their children and grandchildren. They both meant well, but they were taught to think like Kristen and Bethany, and the negative effects are being felt by the rest of us today. It helps to understand why they are the way they are though, and I don’t blame them. It’s just so sad to see and lately it’s been taking a huge toll on my family. They were raised to keep their thoughts and feelings inside, so now that it’s all spilling out it’s like a flood. So many of the excerpts you read from their book make sense in connection to my family’s lives that I can’t describe it all in one little comment, but it was kind of cathartic to hear and to write this post.

[@AirIsntAyotuber]

The thing I think Rachel doesn’t get because she wasn’t raised Christian is that the mindset that we are all naturally sinful is not because they surround themselves with sinful people; it’s the Christian culture. They believe because Adam and Eve sinned we are all born sinners and will basically always have sinful desires that can only be fixed by putting everything into God NOT trying to justify the view just explaining where it comes from

[@lesliesammons8999]

I just wanna say when you said “the compromises I make don’t define the love I have for her” it really spoke to me. It is very relatable to me at this point in my life and I thinks it’s important for people to hear. Thank you for saying that.

[@swimmyswim417]

I grew up in Catholicism, and I believe that non-binary identities are 100% valid even through a Christian lens. If God transcends the concept of binary gender and we’re made in God’s image, doesn’t that mean that non-binary and trans identities that also break free of binary gender are in God’s image? I’d argue that they’re more godly because they also transcend binary gender. It’s one of those ideas I had as a teen bored in Theology class that only makes more sense as I broaden my worldview.

[@alim.9801]

I always thought it was strange how the Christian God is like canonically non-binary but is always referred to as a male figure. And then, like you said, some Christians just completely disregard non-binarity people as an impossibility, it's just so weird to me. Your comment is awesome!!

[@bennienthejet89]

Girl Defined are both stunningly shallow & naive.

[@nanablooms]

This is a great channel. I enjoy hearing your thoughts.

[@RachelOates]

I appreciate that! Thank you!

[@lilbread1717]

The 21 years old mark is "funny" to me because my (abusive, cut contact with her) mother did yell at 21-year-old me because "at your age, I was married with children", which made me roll my eyes. Mind you, my mother isn't religious, unless we're talking about the cult of personality she has for herself, and she divorced her husband when she was 23, because he was abusive, so... What was the message? 😂😂 Anyway, a sage woman named Pauline Roland, a French feminist and revolutionary, once said she would not get married to a man in a society where she will be seen as inferior to him, so I'm going to follow that Edit: As an ace sex-repulsed, your explication of love and relationship, and the difference needs people can have is so great! Thank you for that!

[@medea__witchhh]

glad you cut off contact with your mom

[@essiekat8532]

A bit nitpicky, but children being sexual beings is an actual thing, their sexuality is not the same as an adult's, but it's the small things Rachel mentioned, being curious about their own bodies, and other people's bodies, having crushes on other kids in the kindergarten, and touching themselves and other kids of similar age, and such. It doesn't mean they are ready for sex, but they do have a developing sexuality. That's what it means when academic texts say that, it's not something to be super worried about.

[@samwindmill8264]

That's what I was thinking too. TBH I think she might be extra wary of these fundamentalist people and their intentions after covering the likes of Josh Duggar...and I dont blame her

[@JustinW332]

I've said this before but I hate that they got trapped in this version of Christianity. they seem like lovely women otherwise. they probably didn't realize what love really was until way later because I think they were grossly immature and naive. and that's by design in Evangelicalism. if you're a woman or if you're disabled like me, you are always treated like a child and sheltered. as well as being told that everyone outside of church is bad. I still feel like my maturity hasn't really caught up to my age yet.

[@VegemiteQueen1]

Heck yes to you for self awareness and empathy for people who don't always seem capable of extending it to others. Those are both big signs of emotional maturity in my eyes, so even if you feel somewhat delayed you are most certainly on an excellent path. Also, some hobbies we never grow out of and are NOT linked to maturity at all, so try not to stress about feeling like things you may enjoy are immature - if you enjoy them, then enjoy them!

[@Rebecca-ex2ge]

​​@@VegemiteQueen1magine how you thought of the world at 8 and keep it for life. Then shove God into EVERY PART (even hopes and dreams) of your life and take out all things you find fun or in the slightest bit weird. That's evangelical life. Hobbies are encouraged if you can do it all by yourself. You aren't supposed to have fun because heaven is "eternal and fun". You don't get a fun childhood so you have to find fun as an adult by yourself.

[@IT_217]

I wonder if Kristen and Bethany have heard that trans women can, in fact, breast feed? Lactation has been successfully induced through hormone therapy.

[@Mels0103]

They're not very educated on the things they talk about.

[@Aradcliffe89]

Or how ironic it is saying that being a woman is defined by all those mothering traits when Kristen is incapable of having kids and doing any of those things 🤦🏽‍♀️

[@sambibambi5409]

@@Aradcliffe89 lmao she is??

[@juratory8876]

Now that I didn't know. If anything, that's actually cool.

[@juratory8876]

@@Aradcliffe89 Then according to her "logic", Kristin isn't a normal woman.

[@Bekyboooo]

Just wanted to say I really love your videos and they always give me a lot to think about, i feel like I'm sat listening to an older sister!

[@RachelOates]

Thank you so much! :)

[@chesh1rek1tten]

As a trans man.. I wonder how they would feel about me breastfeeding a child. Which I could if I would want to be pregnant

[@augustlunaonline]

Rachael! You should do a poetry analysis the Song of Songs from the bible!

[@brunetteartist2750]

Also the segments where you acted out their advice psa style was absolutely hilarious, added a lot of charm to the video lol

[@RabbiJoeInJerusalem]

If Bethany and Kristen keep reading Genesis beyond Chapter 2, they'll find that marriage is between one man, one woman, and the slavegirl she gives to him to bear children. Or between one man, two sisters and their two slavegirls. Or between one man, one woman, his brother and his father. (At least that last one's sequential.)

[@rorygal2991]

What you said about sacrificial love vs true love really struck something deep inside me. If you love someone, you just want them to succeed. It's not about "sacrifice", it's about the joy you know you'll feel when everything works out for them. It's so weird that Girl Defined think love should be a burden you shoulder, and it's honestly heartbreaking.

[@Hollyberrystreats]

"You are well into your 20s and you just realized this?!" Yeah, they just wanted a wedding

[@olejoergenmalm16]

By "Biblical Love", I really hope they don't mean "Old Testament Love".

[@bbo7002]

Rachel you are my favorite KZbinr, your videos are clever and funny and heartfelt. Thanks for the great content! Best wishes to you and Lady Kyra 🌷

[@FeministCatLadySpinster]

I have a feeling that Rachel put more thought into her review than Bethany and Kristen actually put into their book... s.

[@fynnsternis6432]

the fact that you consistently mention asexual people and take them into account in your critique of them makes me really happy ^-^ I never realize how nice it is to just be thought of

[@michiyaslana5974]

My mom got married at 21. My dad, 23 at the time, was her first love, and neither of them was ever really happy. They know each other inside and out, but at the time of tying the knot they were too young and immature to really know if they were compatible, especially since they both have zero dating experience other than each other. I am 27, I started dating my current partner a little over a year ago. It's my first long-term relationship, but not my first one altogether. We fully intend to get married, but we are in no rush to get engaged. When we do, we do. We're both fully matured people who had enough time to decide who we are, what we want, and what we can offer to another person. I wouldn't swap my experience with my parents's, ever.

[@jackdimitrianderson7971]

I used this video as one of my sources in an essay I wrote. There were tons of great bits. “People like me critique this because we don’t like being defined by our gender. We want to be defined as individuals," is a pretty good and versatile quote for anyone else who may be here to gather sources and stuff idk

[@thevoid8948]

fyi, a lot of jews believe that adam was intersex/nb- the "first marriage" wasn't even necessarily between a man and a woman.

[@deenadamico2673]

I LOVE your hair! 😍😍

[@schabernack.]

the teddy bear segment completely took me out :D i love it

[@harlowitter3060]

I'm only five minutes into this vid and I already want to thank you for helping me feel validated, as an aromantic greysexual person 💚💜🖤 Keep up the good work!

[@marcelamonkey4268]

I absolutely love that Rachel takes time to mention the ace and aro community. It’s nice to see so many of us commenting. -A greyromantic asexual

[@awetistic5295]

Last year, my girlfriend and I had our 20 year anniversary. We have such a long term, stable, faithful relationship and they would still consider it sinful because we both are what they would define as female. It's absurd.

[@florianopolis6299]

These kinds of stories make me feel better every time. Makes the world seem brighter! Thanks for being great

[@alim.9801]

Aww congratulations!! I hope you're both doing ok, 20 years is a long time, that's amazing :)

[@awetistic5295]

@@alim.9801 Thank you so much! Times have been rough lately, but that makes you appreciate each other even more.

[@pappanalab]

It’s ironic to me that because of being on the aroace spectrum I have a much deeper understanding of love than I think I would if I wasn’t. The differences are important to me because I tried and couldn’t classify all my experiences under just “love”. In my endeavor to properly understand and articulate how I feel I ended up learning about the nuances.

[@Blanch590]

It’s kinda disheartening to see all my friends with significant others while I have no one but at the same time I know damn well that it isn’t glamorous and will never live up to my expectations so I don’t bother trying. Everyone around me is either a dick or taken anyway.

[@kathrynolsen1256]

Their part about “I’m a breast feeder and that makes me a woman” is such nonsense and exclusionary to everyone who cannot for many different reasons do so. There’s an author who worships Christian sex (Robin Jones Gunn). No one ever has bad sex. No one has miscarriages or infertility because all sex results in babies without any complications. And when her main fetish had a baby, breastfeeding was the most natural thing she had ever done. I have so many issues with her version of sex representation, including giving a bride to be lingerie so she can give herself as a present to her husband, never unwrapped before.

[@clubx1000]

You're right that modern relationships often require compromise and sacrifice to succeed. It's essential for both partners to find a balance that works for them. The changing dynamics of relationships, increased expectations, and various external factors can contribute to the challenges faced in modern relationships. Effective communication and understanding each other's needs are crucial for making relationships work in today's world.

[@mymoviesbetter8466]

I'm really glad you make these videos, it's so important that a counter argument exists out there for young people who may be swayed by content like girl defined.

[@angeleyes5023]

I was a single mother at 21 and didnt end up getting married until i was 30, yet i bet i am happier with my life than they are

[@imjustthisgirlok]

I think Rachel brought it up in the previous video but again... Who is this book even for?? When they say things like "we want our boyfriends to obsess over us," like, maybe when you're 15?? Anyone struggling with that as an ADULT does not have the maturity to get married. Also like... What version of the Bible did you read where Adam & Eve is a love story?

[@yaoiboilover]

I love this! Your videos make me smile! :)

[@j00j00_bee]

This kind of bs of women not being pursuers is one reason why it’s taken me until I’m almost 30 to start dating. (That and realizing I’m queer.) I was always told to never pursue even if it’s someone i wanted to get to know better. This is why I have so many self esteem issues. This is why I have never felt worthy of someone else because “if it’s meant to be it’ll happen. Women don’t pursue.” I hate it so much. I had to unpack so much self loathing because I felt I was unworthy of love. It’s taken me almost 30 years to realize I am worthy of love and that I love myself. This kinda bs is so toxic, and I’m still unpacking the trauma it’s left me. Smh

[@generaldreagonlps6889]

These videos need more re-enactments of the advice given in the book. It's pretty funny.

[@holdmacat9932]

I quote "The first recorded evidence of marriage ceremonies uniting one woman and one man dates from about 2350 B.C., in Mesopotamia. Over the next several hundred years, marriage evolved into a widespread institution embraced by the ancient Hebrews, Greeks, and Romans" so Christianity amd God didn't invent marriage and yes there is no mentions of marriage in Bible. Google says this is the "proof" of it being in bible: The biblical account of marriage begins in Genesis 1:27, with the creation of man in two sexes: “God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And The Genesis creation account tells the story of when God instituted marriage. This took place after the creation of the first woman, Eve, from Adam, the first man. The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." How did people figured out they are talking about marriage here??? If there was no such thing as marriage before the god and Bible, how the hell they would think and figure out "yes, that's exactly what this quote says"

[@carissaree]

as a woman who was raised Christian (atheist now), I see so much of my younger self in the naïveté of Kristen & Bethany in this book. we WERE taught as girls that if you find a guy who’s a Christian who you think is cute, that is enough - and not only that, but you should change everything about yourself if needed to fit his needs, since he’s the “leader” & the “head of the household”, all that. compatability was not a concept I was ever told/taught; I learned it from TV shows (that my parents didn’t know I was watching). I feel so sorry for Kristen & Bethany, & the girls I grew up with who are still Christian, for the mediocre relationships they get stuck in with extremely mediocre men, when all the girls wanted was true love. the naïveté is shocking to hear from adults, I agree, but it makes a lot of sense when u think of how often Christian parents shelter their kids from ever hearing anything that doesn’t fit their narrow worldview.

[@oliviasommerville4733]

I find it funny that Girl Defined focuses on men being the head of the household when my family (who is Christian) all acknowledges that my mom is the head of the household and is allowed to boss my dad around 😂

[@punchingdragon3666]

47:44 ngl, sounds like my type😂

[@brunetteartist2750]

I thought the white picket fence dream was just a stereotype- don't tell me they actually had that fantasy😭

[@brunetteartist2750]

I loved the way you spoke about different types of love- as someone who enjoys reading a shit ton of romance despite being aro, you articulated what i have been thinking, especially regarding the line btw sacrifice and compromise in love

[@priyarajendran6515]

Hi Rachel, Can you do a video about stream-of-consciousness writing? What it is/isn't, examples of good and bad? Would love to hear your take on it!

[@yuuriahl]

Trans man here! I agree that gender is something that people in general shouldn't care so much about, even though I'm trans and being trans plays a huge role in my identity I identify as a nerd and a gay artist first and foremost, and I'm not gonna be a *big strong male* just because thats whats expected It's people like this that make unrealistic standards for people to follow and then patronize and shame them when they fail to meet those standards