Girlfriends Father Refuses To Give Me His Blessing, Says I Must Earn His Respect r/Relationships

[@luizad2277]

Sounds like the wife’s ex boyfriend set out healthy boundaries from the get go. And unlike OP, he chose not to spend 10 years in a toxic family dynamic The ex boyfriend is a smart man

[@dune3001]

I agree. If OP had half his spine, he wouldn't be in such a mess now.

[@yozarahirvi4750]

and then, she remembered how OP was easy to live with and decided to try to start again with him

[@JDKT002]

@@yozarahirvi4750 "easy to live with" IE a pushover. Honestly both OP and the ex sound like co-dependent train wrecks. It really sounds like the only reason he was with her was to feel like part of a family. Notice how not once does he mention his family, can't help but think there's some unresolved trauma surrounding his.

[@ditzyhere3138]

Yeah, he kinna gave the ex a slap in the face with reality of how good she'd had it with OP. Which I think is a good reason for OP not to get back together with her. She's not considerate of her partners. Just if the partners make things easy for her or not.

[@mythking541]

He was young when he got in the relationship and experienced some good via her mother before she died. I can't blame him too harshly.

[@Deedoof]

If her Dad was still alive, the ex-wife wouldn't give OP the time of day so I hope he really thinks about counseling before ANYTHING!

[@HeoBaby24]

22:19 Op said Daddio died so good riddance

[@Deedoof]

@@HeoBaby24 The point was that the ex is only coming around because her dad's not alive, not because she realized she was a shitty wife and changed. The ex is lonely and trying to hit up OP, aka using him.

[@chelseapthib36]

​@@HeoBaby24 read the comment again... it says IF the dad WAS STILL ALIVE, as in NOT DEAD.... Reading comprehension is key.

[@lynnw7155]

I agree. OP is an immigrant making a lot less money than his ex wife. That's likely why her father didn't think he would be good enough for her. I wonder if she's so deeply indoctrinated into that thinking that she will always think that way. I respect that her new/ex boyfriend refused to be with her toxic family. OP should have had a spine like that; he kept being around her father, even living with him, despite being treated worse than a doormat. And his wife never defended him.

[@janicevango5791]

Plus, as Mark said, now OP’s FIL has now passed there’s the likelihood that the attitude will now come from one of the siblings. Personally, it would have been permanently over for me when OP’s wife didn’t stick up for me and brushed off my concerns over FIL’s behaviour. Quite frankly, I wouldn’t have gone through with the marriage in the first place, as all the hassle OP has had to endure over the course of his relationship with his girlfriend/wife could have been predicted. FIL sounded like an ignorant pig to me.

[@ComaLies225]

I’m halfway through this video and OPs biggest mistake was marrying into this family. He should have made his boundary clear that he’s not gonna be disrespected and he wouldn’t be continuing this relationship if it continues. Keep dad in check

[@bhart3321]

But we see he has very little respect for himself so of course no one will respect him. He's got A LOT of work to do on himself before he's ready to try & get back on that horse.

[@lilolmecj]

When she took her father’s side for his rude and disrespectful behavior regarding the gifts, he should have understood there is a relationship there he will never understand, nor have standing in. I am not quite sure how things will roll out through the year.

[@brigidtheirish]

He should have realized that his girlfriend putting all the blame on OP for the lunch thing was a giant red flag and *not marry into that family.*

[@A.S.R]

OP looks like a doormat. The boyfriend of the ex set boundaries and she couldn’t tolerate it.

[@DrownedInExile]

OP has the biggest case of Sunk Cost Fallacy ever! He's a damned fool to even consider taking her back. You go digging up the past, all you get is dirty.

[@nelly2958]

Final update. It took her ex having a spine to realize she wanted her old doormat back.

[@mr.aey3]

I know right!

[@vanzy01]

💯👍🏿

[@tully6648]

Honestly, kudos to OP's ex-wife's BF who broke up with her. That guy knew that her father wasn't the problem, she was. And she's still the problem. If the BF hadn't broken up with her, she wouldn't be coming around to OP. They're both tempted to think that her father being dead will be like some sort of reset button for the relationship, but it won't be. They need to stay away from each other, stop romanticizing 'What if?' and get therapy before dating anyone again. It sucks that it sounds like no one in that entire family really ever stood up for OP. Parents like that are the worst, but siblings and other family that look the other way or downplay them are just as bad.

[@kirklanyoshinaga8953]

Well except for the Mother in law.

[@doggolovescheese1310]

Well said

[@coreymartin6486]

​@@kirklanyoshinaga8953and her elder sister

[@chaudx]

@@kirklanyoshinaga8953 Nah MIL was an enabler too, she just did what a mother does to a kid who has done something wrong "Cmon sweetie go and say you are sorry for what you did"...no consequences at all...she didn't sat their children and said "I know you love your father, but he's a horrible person sometimes, he has some serious problems and it's not normal nor ok to just brush it off"... Whole family is toxic one way or the other the Ex-BF is the true victim but he stood up for himself and endend things for his sake (unlike OP, reading him trying to justify his actions is like watching a train wreck knwing moments before it would happen...)

[@tatianalewis5141]

The oldest sister in law did too. She just was not mention a lot because she lives out of state. Tbh he should have known when all the kids live out of state😂

[@themagicconch.804]

Respect is a two way street. It should be a mutual thing.

[@josefineandersen2165]

Unfortently for some people respect, means threat me like an authority or I wont threat you like a person.

[@robertx8020]

@@josefineandersen2165 This Or My abuse is always justified and you don't show respect when you don't take it lying down!

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

I find it hard to give somebody respect when they treat you like crap. I will just avoid situations where that person is going to be, just to save myself the stress and anger that builds inside. I don’t blame OP one bit for leaving his marriage, especially when his wife started turning into her father!

[@sonialinsey8083]

@stirrednotshaken4837 there’s no reason to be nasty. I don’t respect nasty people.

[@ElleD308]

But why would he want to earn the respect of a whiny, bitchy, narcissistic drunk

[@nataliazakula3400]

Funny how dad demanded respect and treated OP like crap, and how similar daughter is. My heart bleeds for him.

[@brigidtheirish]

Yeah, alarm bells started going off in my head as soon as the girlfriend said it was OP's fault for 'trying to be friends' and that he 'has to earn respect.' OP was way too dismissive of his girlfriend blaming *him* for *her father's* actions.

[@kichikitsu]

​@@brigidtheirishalarm bells should've also been going off when he talked on and on about "the family" and never gave an ounce of the same effort describing his wife except for when describing her resentment. if I had to guess, it's a 50/50 chance between her father being classist and xenophobic, OR her father hating him because he could see that OP cares less for his daughter and more for the idea of her family welcoming him as one of their own. (Or both. It definitely could be both all at once.) Like that one AITA post where the orphaned girlfriend of OP's brother wants them to be her new family, the only difference is that this OP was more subtle and nice about it instead of straight up demanding. That's not to say ex wife was correct to dismiss his concerns for all those years. Just the fact that both of them sucked in their own ways.

[@brigidtheirish]

@@kichikitsu Maybe. Or maybe he "talked on and on" about them instead of praising his wife because he thought his relationship with the *family* was the problem and so that information was more important. And he *did* start the initial post with praising her for her kindness and service to others.

[@kichikitsu]

@@brigidtheirish if your wife is seemingly resenting you yet you still value her family's view of you more and thus feel it better to talk about them in more depth, that's still not any better! and compared to him talking up her family in the second post, him talking about her in the first one really really dulls in comparison. in the first post, he also values her father's "say" more than he does his then-girlfriend's considering he had to ask reddit for them to tell him "dude. the fuck. if you want to propose to her and you know the stupid blessing tradition isn't important to her, just propose. if it is important, then talk to her." both of them have consistently put each other's opinions and feelings on the back burner when compared to the feelings and opinions of her family. it's weird. I don't think either of them would ever be good for each other unless they both go to extensive individual therapy to work out their issues.

[@brigidtheirish]

@@kichikitsu Because he's attributing the resentment to how her family sees him. It isn't just about the blessing. It's about "you don't just marry the person, you marry the person's family." It's about knowing that her family's opinion of him could (and did) affect her opinion of him. It's about the stress of dealing with her family potentially (it did) affecting his opinion of her. Because people don't exist in a vacuum. The opinions of others *do matter.*

[@bgcorporation]

After Final Update. I wouldn't go for this. She doesn't love him. She loves the stability he has. She may also want a child. I wouldn't be surprised if she gets pregnant fast, and then goes back to her old ways after this.

[@madambutterfly1997]

I'm supposed to believe that she only just now noticed the toxicity of her family in her new relationship and not when she was married to Opie that's disgusting

[@HobieInTheBox]

Opie 😭

[@ulfrthered]

I'm not saying what she did was right, but I am saying it's a frog in a pot type deal. They were together for a very long time, and when things started they were OK. But then they got worse over time and feelings were confused. Suddenly? There's someone new in the relationship. Her dad was a toxic asshat to the new guy which was not OK, and she saw that immediately. There's a world of difference between slowly escalating behavior and hostility to someone new.

[@thatdellgirl14]

​​@@ulfrtheredyeah I agree. Also if ypur raised around it you think it's normal and wounder why people make a big deal

[@TheVanOvanShow]

She will fight for the man that generally treats her like shit and that her dad should never respect lol 😂

[@CRSB00]

@@TheVanOvanShowactually what opened her eyes to her family's toxicity was the her ex after the OP wouldn't take her father's 💩, not that he was a good boyfriend since she also said he was insensitive and took the things she did for him for granted

[@AndyyWithAY]

For the Nov update: this isn't love, it's loneliness. Maybe in 5 years they could try again, but it's way too early. OP just feels like he'll never find anyone else. The current era of dating just sucks for most people. So how the BF felt about FIL matters but not OP? There were sex issues? She talked over him? OP needs individual therapy. Bc this aint it. She's a horrible partner for him. After the final update scratch the 5 years thing. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Go directly to therapy. We are never ever ever getting back together

[@bhart3321]

Yup! Saw all those issues BEFORE they got married & all stem from her having no respect for OP. Women are incapable of loving or being intimate with man they don't respect hence dead bedroom & siding with the abusive family. He's weak right now & he's got a TON of work to do on himself before he's even capable of having a healthy relationship. Her on the other hand I see many lonely nights & an unhealthy obsession with "boss bish" & WGTOW content.

[@ArcanineEspeon]

@@bhart3321 I mostly agree but that's a really weird thing to say about specifically women. Like men can love women that they don't respect, but women can't? women are incapable of having sex with men when they don't respect the man? c'mon, some women (and men) just like sex. the phrase "boy toy" exists for a reason.

[@bamflr]

​@@ArcanineEspeonI agree with this comment - bhart3321 has the right energy for the story but seems to have translated that to the comments oddly. I didn't know what WGTOW (Women going their own way) was prior to looking it up just now, but from my searches so far, it seems far from an inherently bad thing, though bhart's comment frames it as such. Particularly as its counterpart/opposing group, MGTOW (men going their own way), is explicitly anti-feminist (as a core idea behind it is that feminism is corrupting society). Maybe I'm missing context on it, though.

[@SusieBlup]

​@@bamflrMaybe he's just one of those ultra conservative guys

[@sweetpea6814]

​@@bhart3321he was always weak!

[@kimsvisualdiary]

Dude is a doormat. His FIL had an irrational hate for OP. OP’s wife never stood up for him while they were dating and this dude thought “yup, let me marry into this toxic ass family!”

[@ineedhoez]

That part.

[@nnnik3595]

I swear even doormats have more self respect

[@Ivy94F]

Well, to be fair, the only toxic person was the FIL. Everyone else was cool with OP. But now that he’s gone, so is their major obstacle in their marriage. But yeah, OP was being a little bit of a doormat, but the wife is the biggest doormat in history. She sat on her ass and let her father control the dynamics in that house, which left her husband exposed to naked hatred day in and day out, without doing anything about it.

[@Eediatbubba]

"only toxic person".. no it wasn't, she would excuse her dad's behavior. thats toxic! like "nah just take it, he'll stop sometime" and they're both doormats.. I mean holy shit, OP always trying to please ppl (before the divorce) and EX for always letting her family(well her dad really) do whatever.. ffs both of u need a backbone, stop being so afraid of conflict.. Life is too short trying to please someone and abandoning your happiness! that's my take anyway... (added: I admit I got fed up with it and stop listening after he started his "should I give it another shot bs) @@Ivy94F

[@DrewLSsix]

​@Ivy94F thats not what being toxic means, they were cool with op, but they were still complacent in the toxicity. Nobody put their foot down, Nobody stood up to the miserable dastardly. Even beloved mil, they would probably punch me for speaking ill of her but she played her part in maintaining the status quo. The really sad part is op fealt like he had a loving family to belong to, but all he had were a group of people who were nice enough and who would do things together, you can get that by joining a bowling league! When it came to the actual labor of forging meaningful relationships, everyone failed here.

[@elizabethrossi7604]

One question: WHY did you marry her? You KNEW her relationship with her father was a close one. MIL is gone, he will NEVER get over her leaving him (in death). THAT is what he is angry about. He just chooses to take it out on OP because he is a doormat.

[@Azulakayes]

Everyone warned him and told him that this relationship won't last and he chose not to follow any advise. Everyone could see the red flags but he didn't bother to listen.

[@kp2223]

💯 Honestly I would never marry anyone whose family showed any sort of disdain for me.

[@LadyLeomon]

Love is blind … and deaf too in this case 😒😒😒

[@prettyevil6662000]

@@kp2223 Nor should you unless your partner also recognizes it's a problem and is no/low contact. Anyone who's close with family that dislikes you that much is not going to treat you well.

[@AngelDeed]

It seems like getting an instant family/friend circle is more important to him than his wife/girlfriend as an individual. He didn't say a single good thing about his ex-wife, only the nice things she and her family did for him. He liked one girl after the divorce but the only thing he said about her is that her friends didn't like him... His criteria for liking someone is "her having the same opinions and hobbies" (so no individuality). I think op needs to work on himself instead of demanding affection from everyone around him. His father in law was a completely different matter.

[@AndyyWithAY]

FIL isn't the problem. The wife is. Your family is only a problem if you allow it. I said she was too much of a daddy's girl for this to end well. Don't ignore red flags like in the first part of this story. That stuff with the late MIL sounds asinine to me. FIL just will never think anyone is good enough for his baby girl. And she has not appropriately checked him. Wife problem

[@robertx8020]

I don't agree FIL and GF are BOTH the problem!

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

I agree she should have put daddy in his place, otherwise she was gonna be one lonely woman. FIL had his chance at marriage, but he wants to keep her from having her happy ever after!

[@aluralovell6829]

​@@robertx8020 To a certain degree I agree but FIL is only a problem because GF allows him to be a problem.

[@bhart3321]

Right there with you. I was yelling at the screen when when he married her. She was already showing way too many 🚩 to be comfortable. That being said OP has so little respect for himself of course he's gonna get pegged as a doormat by any potential partner. Just look her problem with her last bf was because he refused to allow himself to be disrespected & abused, yet she interpreted that as him just not wanting to socialize. She wants her doormat back. She doesn't love him she can't, women are incapable of loving someone they don't respect.

[@politereminder6284]

OP was also terrible at boundaries. Instead of avoiding the abusive and unpleasable dad, he_moved in_ with him and kept trying to please the unpleasable. Should have moved states even

[@Lestaticate]

After listening to this whole debacle, I’m giving major props to the BF of OP’s ex for breaking up with her. He didn’t want to bend backwards and kiss her father’s rear or deal with her enabling his toxicity. I feel she’s smothering OP with affection now that her precious daddy’s gone because she misses having a doormat- safe relationship. She never cared about his feelings then, I don’t see why she’d start caring now. I think OP needs to scrap couples therapy for individual therapy. Travel if possible. I feel history will repeat itself and OP will drown all over again.

[@scottbrowder8304]

normally i'm not too harsh on the guys in these stories because i know how difficult it can be to stand up for yourself, but wow this guy was just a total doormat his entire life and it looks like that never changed.

[@My9thMyJoy]

I think he enjoys punishment and humiliation.

[@bbjjbb61]

Yeah... He's going to jump right back into the relationship and she's going to do what she's always done. The fact that she's only sought him out after 1. Her dad died and 2. Her other bf didn't work out is really sus to me. If someone can't be alone for any length of time that usually leads to bad choices in partners because they're willing to ignore warning signs because they don't want to be alone. There was only one of her family members who treated him decently and apparently he's fine with that as long as he doesn't have to be lonely.

[@AngelDeed]

More like he is selfish. He is strangely obsessed with his wife's family and getting affection from them and he didn't say a single good thing about the wife besides what she does for him. It feels like he married her for her family not because he likes her as an individual.

[@schwagecko5589]

I honestly found this one hard to get through. Mark is a great narrator but even he can't make the last few updates enjoyable. It's like watching a horror movie when a character keeps making stupid decisions. Eventually you just stop caring.

[@Flakey101]

@@schwagecko5589 Yeah it is hard to care when Op went against every ones advice on the first post, and described how his marriage was falling apart because he went full doormat instead of following the advice.

[@My9thMyJoy]

If this dude gets back together with his ex wife then he deserves to feel all the pain heading his way. It’s hard to feel sorry for him after a while.

[@TheSwagger81]

Guarantee that emotionally unstable GFs father considers himself an alpha. Lol. What a joke of a person

[@Azulakayes]

He died though so even an alpha can't beat death.

[@OmniscientlyMe]

Pretty sure that's not a thing among people that old, especially in other countries.

[@TheSwagger81]

@@OmniscientlyMe what? You know king alpha douche tate is known throughout the world, right? And douchebags don’t have an age limit.

[@johnatandelacuso4174]

​@@OmniscientlyMeits not but there is a patriarchal system where the father of the family is considered the head of the family and just by virtue of age he is automatically considered to be the head of the family. Its quite a common occurence in East European, some South and Central American, Middle Eastern and East Asian cultures (though the specific rolea and influence vary from region to regiom and country to country). Being raised in this type of environment some men think they can lord power over other family members ESPECIALLY their wives and daughters. And since OP mentiined that he is an old fashioned guy and his ex shared some of those opinions then it would stand to reason that this is the type of an entitled old curmedgeon who thinks he knows best and will actively sabotage his daughter's happiness for some vague notion of keeping her safe (which sometimes comes off very clearly as a reverse oedipus complex).

[@kichikitsu]

​@@OmniscientlyMe... how do you think this stupid ass "Alpha" mindset came to be? it might not use the same terms but it absolutely is a thing in older people and their communities. otherwise the whole Alpha thing would not exist as it does now, because it built off of older generations' misogynistic & patriarchal mindsets.

[@qugo8158]

Nah. Now after the father is gone, she goes back to OP for that same affection. It's about her not OP.

[@sergeipohkerova7211]

From what I've seen personally (of course your own experience might differ), guys who say things like they "demand respect" or that they need to be consulted to give their blessings to things tend to be wannabe Vito Corleone's and are laughable, smallfry dbags who want the trappings of being a unit and an operator but are really just sad and usually broke. Someone who actually does command respect just exudes that aura and doesn't need to ask for it. If people aren't asking for your blessing it's probably because they have assessed the situation and have concluded that you don't matter.

[@kizzykiz]

I noticed that as well. The people I’ve seen that are preoccupied with being “respected” are the ones who actively disrespect others and don’t deserve any respect.

[@pascalabessolo5350]

Respect was only the pretext for the FIL bigotry to OP. OP dis not, and still don't, have any self respect to standup to FIL.

[@ineedhoez]

Facts!

[@loganjoh1]

Yep respect is earned it is not demanded

[@johnjr7070]

Respect is not owed. It's earned.

[@SvarogAristaeusAllen]

Found the asshole. Treating people with basic respect as a person should be a default, and anyone who says "respect is earned" (especially when you haven't even watched the video clearly) is usually an asshole who thinks "Respect" is the same as "worship". People like that deserve nothing.

[@juliearmfield2634]

I was raised you respect people unless they give you a reason not to

[@MiraTheWarlock]

@@juliearmfield2634 marching up to someone and demanding their respect, is a pretty good reason not to give it

[@justinthompson6364]

​@@juliearmfield2634Different definitions of respect. The common courtesy type, you give by default. The deferential type, people have to show they deserve

[@juliearmfield2634]

@@MiraTheWarlock I didn't say that it was right to do. I just said I was raised you give people respect until they give you a reason not to it was a response to the post of respect is earned not just given.

[@TheAuthorgal]

Congratulations Dad! You successfully sabotaged the most important relationship in your daughter’s life. Way to go. Hope you’re happy with the pain you caused her.

[@HobieInTheBox]

Story 1: Even in the update he's still a doormat and asking for the same advice that he's probably (most likely) going to ignore again. He's on his own until he decides to pull his head out of the sand Edit: OH MY GOD HE GOT BACK TOGETHER WITH HER 💀

[@madambutterfly1997]

As somebody who operates without committee or permission I wouldn't need or want his Blessing even if it is customarily a courtesy

[@swearimnotarobot3746]

Like I think it’s fine to ask; but if they reject it for a dumb reason, just ignore that and propose anyway.

[@laurag502]

i would be very put off if someone asked my father for his blessing. i’m a grown ass woman. i’m not being traded for a herd of cattle.

[@Original_Tenshi_Chan]

​@@laurag502Agreed. Also, my egg donor and I are two wildly different people; someone she loves and respects would definitely not be someone I feel the same way towards, so she would never approve of someone I love, and I would despise anyone she loved. (Not that I would hate them since she loves them, just that to "earn her respect" would.mean they've done things I find unsavory.)

[@hello93617]

I'm amazed you heard this story and didn't realize this is a crash course on WHY you ask permission. An in-law family that hates you can absolutely ruin your life. Before legally tying yourself to a person, make sure they aren't tied to people that hate you.

[@hello93617]

​@Original_Tenshi_Chan The fact you are calling them an "egg donor" implies that your relationship wasn't one where someone would ask them for permission anyway.

[@DameNickum]

Bring your dueling pistols! We fight at dawn! Love that sense of humor. 😂😂

[@MarkNarrations]

pew pew!!!

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Nerf warrrrrrr

[@swiftninja91]

Have at thee!

[@DameNickum]

1”@@MarkNarrations too close for torpedos, switching to lasers “pew, pew, pewpew” 😄

[@podunk_woman]

FIL saw his youngest daughter as the emotional replacement for his wife and OP was in the way. At some level, it's emotional incest. Ex wife probably still needs to deal with that, but with her father gone, they might have a chance.

[@crimealleysoutlaw1103]

This dude needs a spine , not a relationship 😂

[@peachesnsht]

Yes, this is the issue. And he doesn't need couples therapy, he needs therapy for himself.

[@bbjjbb61]

And a set of balls.

[@coreymartin6486]

Instead of Toys 'R Us ...There is an extreme need for Spines and balls 'R Us

[@radudancoroian5169]

Stop victim blameing

[@coreymartin6486]

@@radudancoroian5169 learn to take accountability....stop fearing correction.

[@heatherdickau5335]

Story 1 the problem is they had 3 people in the relationship. It was never just the OP and his wife. The father was too possessive of his daughter. To the point it was unhealthy.

[@AusExplorer]

Actually the problem is that the OP is a pathetic loser who spent 9 years showing his partner how weak he was. He spent those 9 with his nose up her father's arse trying to kiss it hard enough to make him like OP. Listen to the updates hear how he totally fails to assert himself even in a conversation to the point he wants to get someone else to explain it to her. She talks over him even in conversations between the two of them. He couldn't assert himself in the bedroom either. I bet he has a limp handshake too, like wiggling a wet noodle. If you have no self-respect then you can't expect anyone else to respect you.

[@megadude967]

The rekindled relationship is doomed. If OP had a spine I'd give it a month before he meets the family again and they're just as cold as before. But this is a jellyfish of a man and he'll probably stick around because "It'll be better this time" and the sheer desperation for connection

[@momo382844]

He did it to himself. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@Iflie]

Yeah the ex wife is the classic "my biological clock is ticking" woman. She hasn't found anyone better so she goes back to the guy that she could count on who ticked most of the boxes, except the one where she actually loved him and wanted him more than the lifestyle. She will get pregnant right away and then go back to the dead bedroom and her not defending him in anything at all.

[@PinkMarshmallows]

Yep. She's monkey branching to what's familiar.

[@Iflie]

@@PinkMarshmallows I can't imagine if he had children with her, then he'd be stuck and she'd teach the kids to look down on him too just like she did with her family.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Oct 2014? This story must be old as hell. Supporting the family during a trying time is one thing, but going to every random family event is another. I'm not about that life. After 5 years, if you haven't earned his respect, not gonna happen. Sounds like GF is too much of a daddy's girl and this isn't gonna end well.

[@robertx8020]

Maybe not ..if the argument (that was in october 2014) happened in the first year of their relation then the last update is from 2023! (9 yrs in)

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

Sounds like daddy was a snob, since OP said he made less money than anybody else in the family, especially his own wife. He was only going let/give his blessing for his little girl to date/marry a guy unless he made a sh*t ton more money than the rest of the family? Nah, hard pass!

[@littlegreycat]

It should become a reddit tutorial: this how to not get married with toxic inlaws.

[@lugi_L]

Last story: OP is a doormat who's willing to bend over backwards to please her and her family while the ex-wife's ex boyfriend wasn't going to put up with any of their bs. She realizes this and that's why she wants OP back.

[@bbjjbb61]

This right here. She sounds exactly the same as described before. She wants a meat bag jellyfish, not a card carrying member of the SHINY SPINES club.

[@huinismith]

Bending over backwards is a lot easier without a backbone.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Mark, there's a new update on that story we read a few weeks ago. The one where OP found the tampon in the car then one in the top drawer. It seemed like the husband might have been having an affair. The baby had on a random onesie and bow. It was wild. Knocked me for 6 The details above are NOT the updates. I was providing details from what was covered to remind Mark of the story. I was trying to keep it vague for when it's read on the channel

[@kalishaffer8210]

It is insane. Markee covered it.

[@bgcorporation]

Oooooh no. That's not the update. People wish he had an affair because if he did that would be better than what was actually happening.

[@dominicwehrmann8515]

Yeah pedo sister coming home lol

[@vibecheck8987]

What happened??????

[@MarkNarrations]

Thanks, I'll take a peek!

[@MrBizteck]

I remember my GF asking me if I would ask her farther for permission to marry. I said NO your not his property and he isnt paying for OUR wedding. Btw she's now my wife and no I didnt ask dad nor did he have to contribute 1 penny to our wedding.

[@hello93617]

This is why you still ask for a blessing. A family that hates you can absolutley make your marrige miserable if they want to.

[@jenifergross8868]

So the guy not only has to woo his girlfriend but also her father?!

[@joannedavis6249]

For the first story, I can relate. When my husband asked my hand for marriage my dad said no. Well my husband / boyfriend told me. Proposed to me and then I said yes. Got married, in the courthouse didn't have my dad walk me down the aisle. And now happily married for 13 years. My dad died 5 years ago and never really liked my husband.

[@scarletgoldenthorn]

“I am an immigrant here.” THERE it is! I was waiting for OP to say something like this. His ex-wife’s dad hated him because he’s a racist and/or xenophobic prick.

[@randomusername3873]

Eh, he was also a jerk with the new boyfriend, so I think the person itself wasn't even important, he was just on a power trip

[@scarletgoldenthorn]

@@randomusername3873 I still think it is definitely a factor. If he’s a dick already, I’m sure OP being an immigrant just further “justified” his shitty behavior in his own mind.

[@alwaysthelovesongs]

Im so damn glad Im not the only one that had this thought.

[@dualitydisorder]

I thought so too, it felt racially motivated

[@GIFFORDJEG]

Nah. It's probably more because they come from money. He came in poor. Therefore the dad probably thinks he a mooch. At least that is what I got from it. An over protective father that thought he was a mooch

[@shirokusanagi3901]

Wow. Just wow. This guy needs help, and A LOT of it.

[@Phyoka]

She doesn't respect him, even now. She's constantly talking over him in the present so she can justify not listening to him in the past. Her dad didn't respect him and she placed that blame at his feet. They don't need a counselor, she does. He might too, to grow a fucking backbone.

[@vanzy01]

💯👍🏿

[@drl5002]

Op definitely didn't need to speak first when they talked, because what she said cemented that there was no getting back together. The dead bedroom he wanted to talk about doesn't even matter now that they're divorced.

[@lifewithlee6298]

This whole story reminds me of a king of the hill episode, whith con, the neighbors, father-in-law flat, I was saying I will never respect you , ever , but as long as you respect me, and accept that you were beneath me, we can get along. Absolutely brutal. 😢

[@myperfectbooks]

I feel bad for OP, because he is lonely he is going to get back into an awful relationship

[@AutumnLeafdust]

S1 - Honestly I never understood the 'asking for blessings' thing, much less when knowing that some dads would be...not that pleased, like this one. If you want to do it, that's your call, but honestly I'd go with the proposal anyway, partly because I'm biased against my late father, the rest because...what the hell, like the comments said, you're both adults. S1 commenter that would choose battle - Ohh man the hypothetical scenario has me grinning like a fool, and Mark's commentary on it is only making that grin bigger! 🤣

[@swiftninja91]

Yeah, I pictured OP showing up in full Knight armour lol. "Sir (Girlfriend's last name)! I come to fight for thy fair daughter's hand!"

[@sadtitties222]

Exactly! Like some of the comments said, asking for the father's blessing is archaic, misogynistic, and ultimately pointless! If he's said multiple times that he doesn't approve of you do you really think he'll change his mind 5 or even 10 years down the road?! This isn't a rom-com where the main character eventually wins over their disapproving in-laws with persistence and bonding all under an hour. The deceased father in law made up his mind that OP wasn't good enough and nothing was going to change that. Oh f*cking well. Get engaged/married anyway! You are grown ass adults, not kids/teens! You don't need mommy or daddy's permission to have a happy bloody life, ffs!

[@dodgyyoutuber9560]

Op gives me “never got enough love growing up and is desperate” vibes. This is so sad and exhausting

[@LOLtz1]

Shout-out to the ex wife boyfriend for standing up for himself and not taking shit from the father. It's what the comments been telling OP to do for the longest.

[@TheRealKingddg]

Sunk-cost fallacy is truly real. After the ex-wife repeatedly told OP *he* needed to do things to earn her dad's trust and respect even though he clearly hated him and disregarded the issues he brought up to her. That should have been a flag to start really discussing their future and counseling. I really hope he doesn't get back with her. He's just her fallback for her newest relationship going up in flames and her dad being gone. The fact she only figured out how toxic her dad was after seeing him interact with her ex-bf says enough. She didnt give a fuck then and is pretending to give one now cause she's lonely and realized what she lost.

[@Harvest133]

He is the architect of his own misery and I can't really have sympathy for a spineless simp.

[@starbird3939]

Story 1 The Father in Law is a bitter arse, but the wife is the true asshole for not backing up her husband.

[@deifieddata4462]

Honestly "our family is really close" is such a massive red flag at this point. You really don't want too much closeness there.

[@aelminiatures]

That's very sinical my family is very close and isn't like this at all

[@MarkNarrations]

Apologies for the late one, yt took forever to process the video today

[@thefallennero5265]

No worries Mark, still a good video like always

[@davelrodriguez4303]

Soon as I heard the father was no longer around I knew OP shouldn’t take the ex back. We all know she would’ve never reached out if the father still had a pulse. He’s fully aware of their issues. I hope his common sense is enough to not go back.

[@muziekje123]

Hi Mark. Love to listen to the way you tell these storys!

[@MarkNarrations]

Aww thank you

[@ladyl5434]

Love the llamas with hats reference

[@Russman67]

Dad was never going to do better than tolerate OP. And the connection between dad and his youngest daughter makes her blind to the level of control dad had on her feelings. It took Dad lashing out at her next boyfriend to put 2 and 2 together. If they are going try again, OP needs to move slowly.

[@pikachu7572]

Relistening to this: he's always been the dispensable element in her life. She has her priority, her family and her job... and she just doesn't care about him. She missed a man who put up with her and also made her priorities, his priorities. Very sad. This is what's scary about loving someone more than they love you. I hope he sees that she never listens to him and bulldozes over him at every turn. I hope he finds someone who loves him equally

[@wildwikedwanderer1208]

Legit she brought up how much of an easy door mat OP was/is. How he was such a submissive pet just following as his master commanded. She didn’t care bout the bedroom because she wants OP for the time and attention the bedroom is bottom of the list for her.

[@AusExplorer]

I feel disgusted just by the idea of OP. I can only imagine that a woman looking for a man would quickly get the "ick", as they call it, and dry up faster than a shamwow.

[@Zerohero_007]

Dude should avoid that family, better to be alone than with a toxic family, and living a life of constant stress.

[@jeannebuttons5301]

There's some ground rules that these two need in their lives. 1. Maintain separate households and do not marry. Honestly this is sounding like the Ex-Wife is defaulting back to OP because he was the easy choice. OP's an adult and you can do what he wants, but I highly recommend not skipping on this step. 2. Never speak of the Father again, except in counseling. It took a second boyfriend AND the death of the toxic Father for the Ex-Wife to realize how badly she messed up. Going forward if the Ex-Wife brings up her Father in any context outside of counseling, such as but not exclusive to comparing OP to her Father and or recounting stories of her Father's actions, OP should put the relationship on ice. 3. Ongoing counseling for the both of you for the foreseeable future. It already seems like your last update you're on board with this one but I figured I should mention it

[@FanFicnic]

As a woman I would be annoyed if my kids future spouse asked for her hand. But if he challenged me to fight for her hand?!? IM IN.

[@lorrainemontagnon1537]

Goodmorning everyone, happy to be here with Mark and the whole waffle family. Much love to all! ❤😊

[@MarkNarrations]

Much love mate, have a great weekend!!

[@wickedamoeba8719]

The father in law sounds like the type of person who sees “respect” as unconditional obedience instead of actual respect.

[@HodajuciParadoks]

My advice is run. She is manipulative and he is lonely, he is perfect victim. She still does not listen , she just talk. Her ex bf had boundaries, did not tolerate bad behavior and this is why she left...or he left her. Looks like the only good person in that family was the mother. Hopefully OP gets therapy and meet other people, someone new and fresh start with good boundaries.

[@yeighseph1976]

The fact that she didn't listen to her bf's concerns and later husband's concerns even when her sister was saying He had a valid point, but she listens to new guys concern that she only dated like a year says that she never respected her husband.

[@JoshuaEdward12]

Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.

[@JoshuaEdward12]

Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counsellor, and how do i reach her?

[@JoshuaEdward12]

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive.

[@persgodiva]

Never go back to a relationship with this much baggage.

[@AutumnLeafdust]

Bit of a sluggish Friday, isn't it? Hopefully everyone's doing well though! Currently folding like a pretzel trying to access a specific lightroot in Tears of the Kingdom, and aimlessly running while gathering things, as I have been since I got the game 😅 But hey, I might be able to find it while listening to Mark's voice in the background, who knows!

[@MarkNarrations]

Good luck :)

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Good luck and make sure to take stretch breaks

[@kerribottriell-baxter7345]

"Bring your dueling pistols" ... oh lord, LOL!

[@immasnakeee6460]

This op is ridiculous. This will end in misery and it’s his fault. I hope the best, but I don’t think this will end well.

[@SneakerShopTalk]

The level of disrespect that joker put up with is mind-blowing.

[@kathleenmcfarlane2555]

Story 1: OP should be wary. In my experience reruns never work out.

[@madsli]

🎵Run for the hills!! Run for your life!🎶

[@dragonrider1549]

It’s 100% loneliness speaking in those last 2 updates. I know from experience. I made those exact same excuses and used those exact lines when I got into what was easily my worst relationship. Someone needs to scream in OP’s face that he’s not waiting for the sake of waiting. He’s doing it to ensure he doesn’t end up in the same toxic relationship as before. If she decides to ditch him just because of that, then he has his proof that she never changed. But as someone who’s been in OP’s shoes, I doubt even that would make him see sense.

[@StephBer1]

Ok. I'm only 6 minutes is and I want to scream, "He's showing you respect by asking you for his daughter's hand in marriage, you great pillock!"

[@madambutterfly1997]

Since the op mentioned Friends. Can we have A moment of silence for Matthew Perry

[@jjr9792]

Story 1 - Op needs to play "Rude" by Magic (on repeat) in the background when he proposes.

[@laurenjones9924]

Asking for father’s permission is archaic, but it also is nice to have the family’s blessing instead of just asking her, getting a ‘yes’ and having to deal with drama bs for years. It’s best to be on the same page.

[@mercedeseales]

You hit the nail on the head Mark. Plus what bugs me is it her he misses or the family

[@Blk.Philip]

This giant doormat 🐱 is going to deserve everything he has coming to him. Dudes like this with 0 self respect or spine disgust me and when she inevitably cheats on him and or leaves then maybe he’ll get some sense smacked into him

[@bbjjbb61]

Nah. He'll be back on Reddit asking for "advice" on how to win her back. He only divorced her because "it's what's best for everyone" not because he was pissed off at getting treated like shit. This guy has a huge martyr complex. The problem with that is he'll just keep taking the shit given to him and never even think that he deserves better. Martyrs see suffering as their lot in life. Their whole worldview is fucked up.

[@HeirofAether]

Of course you find a way to blame him, typical toxic commenters 🙄

[@Blk.Philip]

@@HeirofAether there’s a difference between being a victim and being a willfully ignorant noodle worm, getting outta the situation cause “it’s best for everyone” not because your being treated like 💩, then running back cause your too spineless and soft to find someone else or suck it up and be alone🤡

[@bbjjbb61]

@@HeirofAether So, at what point does a "victim" stop being a victim? That's what I just don't understand. If I am getting my ass beat (which I have) and it had been going on for years (3 in my case) at what point should I personally take some responsibility for my own circumstances? Never? Only if I keep going back? Or how about I let him beat my kids? Am I still not responsible? What if I let him molest my kids? I was molested too so does that mean I have zero responsibilities as an adult? How many times do I get to return before I run out of victim points? 1? 3? Because, and let's be honest here, never asking people to take a clear look at themselves to understand why they continue in these patterns of behavior is enabling the behavior. People grasp their chests in mock horror whenever I suggest they should start being responsible for their own choices. Why is that? Don't get me wrong either. We should absolutely be kind and supportive but I'm saying that at some point "victims" actively participate in their own victimization and that's NOT NORMAL or healthy. The answer is not to just Awwww and ohhhh poor baby ffs. It's to point people in the right direction and do what we can to NOT encourage the continuation of abuse.

[@natashaisaacs8874]

I see it like this, if you're with someone and you're lonely and unhappy with them, then you might as well be by yourself. You can be lonely and unhappy by yourself. At least that way, there is an end in sight. It will eventually get better by yourself, but if you're with someone else, it's never ending.

[@Swnsasy]

I am sorry but asking isn't permission, it's a courtesy.. The father's pride and ego is his own issue. If everything is correct in the post, the father sounds ridiculous, pathetic and hateful. I would never ever raise another kind piece of a hair with split in's let alone acknowledge his existence.. If she buckles down and says he, boyfriend, needs to do more, I'm sorry but drop her ass. Yes, it will hurt but OP does not deserve to be treated with such disrespect for being himself.. Fuck that draconian bullshit and drop her because I don't think she loves OP enough to override her father.. ETA: His 3yr update shows he should have run like MOST people said in the beginning, his first post..

[@coreymartin6486]

She's complaining to him about her bf WHILE still being in a relationship with that bf.......thats always a huge red flag. You DONT do this with people you were once intimate with!!!!! Next she's jumping immediately from one relationship, of almost 2 years, to try and start a relationship with OP. HUGE red flag Her overtalking him? Red flag

[@kayemckeeth2301]

This is not going to end well 😅

[@samx36]

No relationship is "to serious to break it off". At any point a relationship can be broken off, the sunk cost fallacy keeps a lot of people in unhealthy relationships and this is just so sad because it ends up making a*use seen as an unhappy circumstance instead of a danger, be it emotional or physical.

[@LorienInksong]

Oof the vibes are rancid around that family. I got abused and dumped and am in a horrible fight for a divorce and to have a future, and OP's family-in-law and ex don't seem entirely disimilar. I suspect FIL was projecting a fair bit about 'fakeness'; his family sans maybe MIL seemed really fake nice with OP. The ex seems too self absorbed to actually treat OP as an equal instead of an accessory, and I think she would go back to being very selfish in the relationship. I also suspect OP will be walking on eggshells trying to find approval and acceptance with this family only to be tossed out again when they are done with him.

[@Yecatslioc]

Good morning from chico ca! Story 1- anyone else reminded of a song? 🎶 why you gotta be so cruel? Don't you know I'm human too? Why you gotta be so cruel? I'm gonna marry her anyway. Marry that girl, marry her anyway. Marry that girl, no matter what you say. Marry that girl and I'll be your family. Why you gotta be so cruel 🎵

[@iononcantomascrivo]

This is such a sad story. If he marries her again it'll be the same thing, rinse and repeat. The love bombing stage can sometimes last years. Eventually, the mask will slip and the miserable wretch that is her true self will come bubbling back up to the surface. I know. I've lived it. Then OP, totally blind sided, will come back to Reddit with the cliche questions wondering “what happened,” “what went wrong,” etc. I really hope he doesn't fall for this act. Sure, the first time around she blamed it on her father grieving over his late wife. While that might have been partially true, it became clear to me, while listening to this story, that she never put down any boundaries of her own and let her family intrude in their marriage. If they get back together and “give it another go” as they say, one can only wonder what the excuse will be in the future for why she falls out of love with him the second time. A little advice when wanting to rekindle things with an old flame: never go back to find a pair of shoes after you throw them away. In my opinion, op is a total synth and is setting himself up for inevitable multilevel abuse and heartache. And there it is with the update. She wants someone who's passive, doesn't have a strong sense of self or firm personal boundaries. She doesn't want a partner: she wants a spineless servant she can have dominion over who doesn't put up any resistance and always lets her have her way. She sounds like a total narcissist. I really hope he doesn't let the illusion of “what they had” the first time around (because that's what it was: it wasn't real) cloud his judgment and take her back solely because he's lonely and just wants to have someone there. I read a great quote a long time ago and it's true: be careful who you trust. Sugar and salt look a like.

[@Kingdo_RGT]

I don't think she is a narcissist, just a selfish woman. She is the youngest daughter and was spoiled. I think that if she went far enough and live by herself for a while, she will grow up. She already started, but it's not enough.

[@iononcantomascrivo]

@@Kingdo_RGT Being spoiled and not taught boundaries or a sense of accountability leads to narcissism. One can hope you're right, but we can also crap in one hand and hope in the other then see which gets filled first.

[@justinecorrington4106]

Story 1 update 3: No! No! No! The ghost of her father will haunt you two; she knows your father didn’t like you; her family actively resented you. Nope

[@rcak2009]

Run...drop the GF. Move on from her.

[@jws1948ja]

Girl friend does not deserve him.

[@Deharaludwick]

Having dinner while listening to mark ❤

[@MarkNarrations]

Enjoy your dinner!

[@Deharaludwick]

@@MarkNarrations 😊💕

[@matttillman7430]

25:46 OP says ex-wife wants to rekindle relationship, and now that her father, who hated OP, is dead, OP is considering it. OP's wife did two things in the marriage that irk me: She NEVER called her father out for abusing her husband, and she did that a LOT. So, the two things she did were "little to nothing." The father was a convenient excuse. If she had truly loved OP, she would have told dead old dad to sit down, shut up, and stay sitting and silent as the grave before OP and his wife, together, PUT him in his grave.

[@RawkLobstah88]

I'm genuinely split. I think OP is driven by loneliness, but if the ex-wife has come to realize the toxicity of her family and is working to get around that and her own issues, then a relationship shouldn't be off the cards. It really depends on the ex-wife, and how much she is willing to change. Therapy would be necessary, a neutral ground with a trained third party to help guide them along.

[@janglesthearsonist5265]

Nooooo! I loved the October tunes! Please Mark, bring back the opening music that had a beat so sick that it infected me with covid!

[@dawnstone4424]

Good Morning (or Evening ) Mark ! Thanks for another wonderful video!

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Hey you yes you, take a deep breath let it out slowly, and lower your shoulders. Know that you are important to someone even if you feel like no one loves you, guess what I do. I'm so proud of you being here. Thank you. Now make sure you take care of yourself and drink some water, eat something and take a stretch break.💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗

[@salmasuhaiba115]

Thank uuu ur so sweet I was sad before but now I feel batter after talking to you

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@salmasuhaiba115 💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗

[@blackroseinbloom]

I really needed this today. May life treat you kindly in return for showing care for strangers who could need it 🫶🏼

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@blackroseinbloom thanks you m8, I hope it treats you well too💜💜🤗🤗

[@maggpiprime954]

💖

[@hahaha1171]

I've read the rest of this. They get back together and it ends up being a healthy relationship. They made it work ☺️

[@missmax2492]

Dump her lol Edit: I wrote the above just from the first part and hearing how she treated him when daddy was being an ass. Now hearing the first update, it's annoying af. Should not have gotten hitched with her

[@georgia7967]

If he does... Relationship counselling HAS to be a stipulation.

[@tailsimp]

I'm just glad they're looking for a counselor. I hope whoever they see can help them really see all their issues and either help them navigate it in a healthy manor or realize they shouldn't be together.

[@lorrainemontagnon1537]

From experience, I can tell you that going back never works.

[@LadyQuotes]

If counseling goes well, sure. Honestly, it doesn't sound like either of them is over the other. I really hope it works out for them.