Living Apart Together: Couples in separate homes say they have more success at love

What’s the secret to a happy relationship? For more and more Canadian couples, the way love is being lived is changing.
Couples are choosing commitment - but not to share it under the same roof.
It’s called Living Apart Together (LAT). Statistics show it’s on the rise, and the pandemic and all that togetherness might lead to more growth.
For The New Reality, Marianne Dimain speaks with couples and researchers about this growing trend and why more people are attracted to being in long-term committed relationships, but not living in the same space.
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[@DaleStrickland]

Can confirm that living apart is working wonderfully for us. They're a 15 minute walk away so we can see eachother whenever we want while still having our own space

[@Why_So_Spicy]

I'm not married or in a relationship but I think it's a great idea

[@erikpeltomaa9873]

i also live apart from my boyfriend we have done that for 4 years and he also live 2 hours away from me. Would you be able to live 2 hours away from your partner or would it be too much to handle and more important whats the good benifits and bad benifits to live apart from each other. because theses days especialy young couples always seem to live together are they doing it because if they dont their love is not strong enough or because they are too needy.

[@ransacktheelders5119]

I've been with my guy for YEARS and we don't live together. We have a fantastic relationship.

[@jamiewilliams8107]

Having space and me time is healthy in a relationship.

[@rabiaarslaner9002]

My husband is very messy and I am no longer at peace in the same house with him, but I am very in love with him. I think the first thing I will do when I have money is to separate our houses.

[@regalk-hr7tf]

I think is a solution against divorce

[@karzan-oldchannel9968]

@@regalk-hr7tfthe first step to divorce really

[@GooglePhD]

It keeps the sanity.

[@nickyb7266]

Great idea! The only thing that scares me about having a relationship again would be loosing my space. And don’t necessarily want someone around every day! ❤️

[@bondioneohfourthree7488]

21 years so far :)

[@mitchhills4747]

Then you aren't ready for the commitment of a relationship!

[@darvey1979]

All we know as a common monogamus relationship, is and has been a construction by cristianity, other religions and was preserved and impulsed by the state... plus, not all the human tend by nature to monogamy lifestyle, and many people realize during their 40's and 50's, that their family routines are killing them emotionaly, so they need some space before they get mad crazy... but not everyone dares to say it and even less to actually do something about it cause social and family pressure and the guiltiness it causes

[@deydraniadiancecht8298]

Have a relationship with your cats then. There's absolutely no reason to marry anyone anymore. Do you know how easy life is for men who are single? Making enough money is easy when you can spend your entire salary on yourself. The only reason for the huge financial burden of marriage was to have someone with you, but since that is no longer the case, why the hell would any man ever do it? I just hope more men realize that marriage is a sham and keep their money.

[@lilnarm_smoothblaze]

@@mitchhills4747 idk these 2 are fond of it

[@ac9938]

I want to do this because going to bed and waking up to the same person everyday for the rest of my life gives me anxiety and makes me feel suffocated. I also love my sleep and I am a light sleeper that if I am sleeping with someone everyday and they wake up in the middle of the night, itll wake me up and get me annoyed.

[@randybaumery5090]

Get a divorce.

[@natthebratster]

Well then there's the shift work dilemma. I don't get home and get to bed until around 5am. He us either just waking up or getting ready to. It's not fair to expect him to tip toe around the house or outdoors. I keep my own place and stay there when I work and we spend time together when we're off. And we really do miss each other so yes this can work in some cases.

[@helenaville5939]

Separate bedrooms would solve your problem.

[@blue1q3lovely]

I would love to have a relationship like that to be married but not have to live with my partner.

[@Ella-te7fe]

Same here 😊

[@maenad1231]

If you live close together it seems like it would be just as romantically /intimately fulfilling but a better fit for certain personalities. You’re definitely gonna be sleeping over plenty of nights but the absence gives your private time but allows the heart to grow founder

[@sarcodonblue2876]

People's annoying flaws won't destroy a relationship 😅

[@karinenolet9193]

My partner and I have been together 2 years and live separatly. He has a teenager and I don't have any kids. I am a home owner and he rents an appartment. We live about 20 minutes away and it woudnt be possible for him to move into my house, since it's too far from his children's school. And you know what? We're good! We have our solo times, our together time. We are both in our 30s.

[@blackacrossthepond1140]

This arrangement really appeals to me! Im currently married. Been married for 7 years and i struggle with being married. I don't really want to get divorced as i do love my husband. LAT i think would make our marriage stronger.

[@Weebwithpurplehair]

A duplex sounds ideal

[@blackacrossthepond1140]

@@Weebwithpurplehair if the finances allowed it - that would be wonderful!

[@teejack8108]

If both are financially stable and independent, then why not.

[@prussianbluephantom3968]

People should not live together if they're financially insecure. That's literally the only reason people stay in toxic relationships and enable bad behaviour.

[@Lav_amb]

Where can I find a man who would be intersted to do this? Married but live seperate 😅

[@Arlene_witha_y]

This is a fantastic idea I’m a 40 year old single mom of two teenage girls and my boyfriend has adult children who live independently but a young son who lives with his mother 3 hours away. My boyfriend is currently helping his elderly parents living with them. He comes to my house when my kids are with their father and spends a night or two and we go out on dates and trips. It’s been 2 years and i don’t think changing things to make us more “serious” is necessary such as living together or being married. We are loyal and faithful to one another bc we are crazy about eachother, but we keep our independence and autonomy bc we are both financially independent. It works for us so far. Who knows what the future will bring, but i know im a light sleeper, compulsively neat and need at least 1 completely alone at home day per week just to function (socializing too much drains my energy and i tend to be more anxious and he more social and relaxed) We still enjoy each others company very much nonetheless. I’m afraid living together will harm that.

[@StoicEver]

I think this may be a good solution for modern day relationships. It seems to avoid most of the silly struggles you have when living together. What's left should just be enjoying eachothers time. I would love to see more people speak on this and explain some of the difficulties that we may not see in this setup.

[@8165Pat]

Living Apart is working well for my husband & I! We live in the U.S. 3 hours apart in neighboring states. We met online & no one wanted to move. We are both native to our cities & live near our families. So, we married & stayed living apart. Our marriage is good. The short distance is our only problem. It would be nice if we lived 1 hour away, rather than 3 hours. The access to one another would increase & be a very good thing!

[@user-ci7yq7cw4l]

When your thoughts becomes a reality 🤯

[@PaulsMom93]

“He likes his big screen tv. She likes to read quietly.” Is she describing my relationship? 😂

[@diannemonroedlc]

I actually dig this ngl 🤷‍♀️then again I’m an introvert so yeah 😂

[@barbaramay9288]

Same I want to be able to have my karaoke time 😂😂😂

[@margotrasamy8723]

I am an introvert too but with your husband or wife, with your half, your partner, you shouldn't feel unconfortable. You shouldn't feel like you can't be yourself. Feeling introvert depends on the people your surround yourself. If you feel unconfortable at a party for instance, it's because you can't be your true self around them.

[@Larindarr]

This is standard and common in Sweden. Even ppl having children and not marrying and living in their own homes still.

[@LalaHass]

Hi :) So interesting, how would they share child care in such living situation? Thanks

[@danbruno5945]

​@@LalaHassFrom my own experience me and my gf lived apart and had a son together. I had my own place but I would stay at hers 3 to 4 days pw and we made a financial agreement so I could send her money over every week

[@DeadPiixxel]

​@danbruno5945 what about her sending you money

[@guineapiglady2841]

They should be married anyway.

[@ParisTNT]

Thank you so much for posting this video. Very interesting 👍🏼😻

[@ysabellpp]

The amount of people in the comments threatened by this concept is truly remarkable 😂

[@mitchhills4747]

It's not a case of being threatened by this. More a case of being realistic. I know a couple just like this - and they spend only the odd week-end together but are clearly terrified of commitment. Sometimes it's just lazy or unimaginative.

[@MoonBeamLight]

@@mitchhills4747 Or maybe it just wasn’t right for them and their are millions living unconventionally and are happy.

[@itsrainingcatsanddogs2651]

@@mitchhills4747 i live like that and am very happy. I need my own space and time to recharge sometimes.

[@MoonBeamLight]

@@kylemarsun This is the stupidest response I’ve ever read. Nothing more pathetic but also entertaining than people who are so bothered by how others live and what works for others. Just because it’s not for you doesn’t mean it’s not for other people. Guess what? People live different lives than you and are happy and make it work. Grow up and get over it. Be in a relationship the way you want and others will do the same.

[@Harrietstake]

I'm already considering this and I just heard it for the first time

[@jbrows3730]

Me and my partner live like this

[@mitchhills4747]

Weird.

[@MoonBeamLight]

@@mitchhills4747 The only actual weird people are those bothered or affected by how others life when it doesn’t affect their life at all. Like you. Weirdo.

[@itsrainingcatsanddogs2651]

@@mitchhills4747 not weird. Its okay.

[@Danko_Sekulic]

Great arrangement 👍

[@homemakingwisdom]

Its weird and it's ok. If its works for you guy, I think it's great!

[@corybuckle944]

Real Estate market loves it..double the house sales😅

[@StefaniRd]

love it ♡

[@Heyu7her3]

So... they're not married? Then I'm confused on how L.A.T. describes this couple. They just aren't "shaking up".

[@r-e_mii]

I wonder how realistic it would be to obtain this in my area😉. Heres what the woman who spoke about the medical benefits should do, build a hallway or an enclosed bridge or 2 to the other house. Boom you live together. Now the actual impacts that will happen if this becomes the norm. More homes whether apartments, condos, houses etc will be needed. In many places it's just not feasible due to land issues. Each person will have their own bills etc but what if something happens, they become ill, injured among other things? Will one feel the brunt of 2 homes worth of bills? Hey if you had a good job you're entire life, were able to save the entire time & have a grand 401k, retirement go for it. In today's economy at least since the start of the early 00 recession, it hasn't really been possible.

[@helenaville5939]

A structure between the two houses would not solve it. The two houses would still be separate legal entities - just as semi-detached houses are separate legal entities. Each house would still have its own separate deeds, etc.

[@user-vj4sr9nk2g]

I see this working perfect , If one of them has kids and the other doesn’t or if both of them have kids and have none together

[@alezandradavila2581]

Yep we respect each other’s space

[@Stardusted1]

Put a breezeway between your houses!

[@numbereightyseven]

Err, why? What's the point in that?

[@paid2talk298]

I would totally do this

[@Usercantwelve]

LAT works for me 👍🏼😉

[@TheRds797]

Been doin this for yrs, difference is I talk to several woman

[@shakarastokes6222]

You was doing that anyways lol

[@babydii3487]

Lol

[@Earl_TheSquirrel]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@miketucker4396]

It's different when you have kids.

[@djjamad1416]

💯

[@alezandradavila2581]

Yep

[@weltschmertzz]

Want to live apart from my partner but they find the idea repulsive, they might even feel like I suggested opening up the relationship or something. But they're so messy and disorganized, I can't stand it. Anybody have any suggestions?

[@Allthingsgreat1]

I like it.

[@guineapiglady2841]

This isn't new. But it could be a good idea.

[@josephrussell4625]

I could see me doing this

[@MrApplewine]

Boomer couple with 3 houses. Gen Y, Z, A, no houses.

[@cic6002]

I think they’re on to something

[@kosankosan9137]

佤lang，在哪里，

[@ThePossumone]

I think a problem could be around the western world is a housing shortage Every time a marriage breaks up the pair need two houses to live in not one But having said that I am doing this currently he lives two hours away !!!

[@5genalkhaholic584]

HEY THERE IS A WHOLE BUNCH OF COVID STUDIES OUT ! & REPORT WHAT IS REALLY HAPPENING ! DON'T BE SCARED BRUH.

[@numbereightyseven]

You've commented on the wrong video.

[@homemakingwisdom]

I can see this working for some. I mean I think it wouldn't work if your a young couple trying to have kids. I think kids needs both parents in the home, however I actually understand if you have kids from a previous marriage and he has kids, you may not want to move them out of the home they grew up in or make a lot of changes. I understand that step dad or step mom would be easier to deal with. I also under the older couple's thought in the video. For me, I couldn't do it. I do like being alone but now that my kids are older, I have alone times to work on hobbies, I like to spend time with my family. I get a pretty good balance between alone time and family or couple time Well when the kids were little not so much. I think if this lifestyle works for your marriage so be it. I dont think it's the best thing.

[@boysmom19]

I'm from the USA and I value the old fashioned marriage. I believe if you're going to get married then you need to live together. If not then don't bother getting married. My personal opinion.

[@exoticlonghair]

bed buddies

[@violetl.4615]

I think this is a fine idea 💡 I also don't see this as discrimination for being ineligible for medical coverage... you don't meet the criteria for medical coverage because of your individual choices, you both can certainly change that if you want to... no one is stopping you. It's like, they want all the benefits of marriage and cohabitation couples without any of the risks or negative points...

[@johnr6143]

So basically there's no point to getting married!

[@danbruno5945]

How so? You can be married and both still have your own assets ,you may still want the same surname ❤

[@randybaumery5090]

It's just easier for me to be divorced. She can go do whatever she wants now. Let someone else deal with her.

[@chrisvazquez4291]

There is nothing new or interesting about this.

[@numbereightyseven]

Err... then, why are you here?

[@bruhholmes]

I feel like this is a result of the modern economy.

[@owenshikingandadventures9605]

Can someone say - "cherry picking for social engineering?" I mean, to each their own and I respect that- but the big "they" have been trying to divide us at the household level for two years straight now. Enough. Edit: avoidable inflation by means of over-the-top COVID restrictions have made it impossible for average Canadians to afford to live "solo".

[@MoonBeamLight]

Or just live how you want and let others live how they want. Wow. See how easy that was?

[@jdiggitydog]

I would hate to live with you

[@hairydude1950]

Eaiser for those with a side piece....

[@prussianbluephantom3968]

It happens anyways. Like unbelievable how many of you think like this.

[@itsrainingcatsanddogs2651]

How many people live together and still cheat on each other?? 😐

[@hairydude1950]

@@itsrainingcatsanddogs2651 "Eaiser" being the keyword....

[@Not-Ap]

Or multiple wives or husbands.

[@rpvideos4118]

Isn't love "self sacrifice for another's good?" Those little day to day things or "conflicts" that she speaks of are what help many couples grow a deeper love and connection with each other. Is conflict a bad thing when you work through it as opposed to just trying to avoid it by being in different houses? Furthermore, if you can't find any alone time while living with someone or are not able to close the door while you are studying then there are probably bigger issues to work on. Or fighting over a sock being left on the floor!? It's an awesome thing to say, I'm going to love you and still live with you despite your flaws and imperfections or when you leaving the dishes out from time to time.

[@OP-1000]

That’s cute…😏

[@Allthingsgreat1]

👏

[@carolinpurayidom4570]

look if it works for them then thats that I honestly prefer living with someone since I hate being alone and crave human companionship its not for me but its better than having an extremely rocky relationship

[@TonyaPerry]

Sure, but sometimes living apart is better for various reasons.

[@itsrainingcatsanddogs2651]

@@carolinpurayidom4570 and I need to be Alone sometimes.

[@tommyb.justis6274]

privilege to have so many homes to do so when so many struggle for housing as it is eh 😉

[@youruinedmyrecordman2507]

@@_Seagie Projecting your arrogance?

[@ishmamahmed9306]

Housing should be more affordable so that people don't have to share space together

[@deydraniadiancecht8298]

And it's reasons like this that I never remarried. Marriage is a sham and there's no reason to do it. I make decent money and I have medical insurance. I have my own house and vehicle. It's life on easy street when you don't have to support a wife who doesn't even want to live with you.

[@em5469]

"Committed"

[@plantskywalka]

This is animale

[@numbereightyseven]

Weird comment

[@johntitorii6676]

Witch news

[@mg123451]

I would do it but it has to be polygamous.

[@sarcodonblue2876]

Got to get as much sexy times and control as possible 😅😅😅

[@stephendavis6606]

😮 I am glad the innsurance company doesnt pay for this... either get married or live together or your not a real couple.

[@davidbrennan5]

Destroying the family unit much???

[@TheTwentySecondDegree]

right on track w BLMs stance. this is the future, the extinction of nuclear family

[@davidbrennan5]

@@TheTwentySecondDegree wipe out the small business owners, destroy the family unit, attack religion, divide the races and classes and push a climate agenda.

[@prussianbluephantom3968]

You hate not having full controll of a partner?

[@davidbrennan5]

@@prussianbluephantom3968 I prefer sleeping with my Wife

[@ItsMe-dr7ir]

@@davidbrennan5 I don’t think these people aren’t sleeping with each other. But when they want their own space and privacy, they can have it. Best of both worlds!

[@AlanForde-CheyneMS]

If you cant live together and share everything then you are just friends with benefits...another attack on marriage SMH

[@darvey1979]

All we know as a common monogamus relationship, is and has been a construction by cristianity, other religions and was preserved and impulsed by the state... plus, not all the human tend by nature to monogamy lifestyle, and many people realize during their 40's and 50's, that their family routines are killing them emotionaly, so they need some space before they get mad crazy... but not everyone dares to say it and even less to actually do something about it cause social and family pressure and the guiltiness it causes

[@ishmamahmed9306]

Marriage has never looked the same. Your fear mongering makes no sense. What is it about couples not living in the same house that provoked your reaction?

[@sarcodonblue2876]

Being different isn't an attack on status quo

[@Kitzkrieg]

Ridiculous

[@albertatundra]

This is a tragic case of selfish people who have way too much money and not enough brains. Relationships are about sacrifice and growth as a couple. These people do nothing.

[@prussianbluephantom3968]

They're 'selfish' because they want their own space/saftey net? Nothing is gaurenteed. And to leave your home you've bought decades back and have something happen would be devastating because housing is getting impossible to afford. Psychopathy is also on the rise, so ya a safety net is the smartest move anyone could do for themselves.

[@ItsMe-dr7ir]

That’s your opinion. I don’t believe relationships are about sacrifice at all.

[@Danko_Sekulic]

You are just whining because you can't afford it!

[@mitchhills4747]

@@ItsMe-dr7ir Yes, they are. Mature people know how to compromise. It's immature to think you can have it all. Life is not like that.

[@Danko_Sekulic]

@@kylemarsun Care about what?? OP's whining ? I agree!

[@LILDroidDEX]

Another type of relationship that will not work long term because money does not grow on trees. Somebody is going to have to pay for all that stuff if somebody's medical bills start rolling in or if someone's retirement runs out. who's going to pay for the other one's house. Retirement for Generations future generations will not exist and saving will barely reach a million dollars.

[@arianastowell]

Honey 3 months isn't that long at all

[@slinkyrobb]

Or just don't get married in the first place. None of the benefits of marriage with all the financial responsibilities. And people wonder why men like me are going over seas to find wives

[@sarcodonblue2876]

Why does a story mainly about middle aged people being in relationships but living separately anger you so much? The men and women in these situations are equally happy with it.

[@slinkyrobb]

@@sarcodonblue2876 not angry, I just don't see the point in being someone's personal ATM and emotional tampon with no marriage benefits

[@kevinlubz]

Normalizing nonsense

[@c.uni2370]

I almost felt like I got a sample of this LAT until he ghosted me 🤡🥲