Trial Separation or Divorce? Ladies over 40, this is for you. Save Money and Heartache.

[@shaunamoore411]

Do not date while separated, honor your marriage

[@michelepaiva136]

I respectfully disagree. If someone wants to date they need to separate and look at potentially legal separation. Denying needs is only going to cause more issues.

[@andreryan4903]

⁠​⁠@@michelepaiva136: You just proved my disgust for you with this reply . A separation is really to make it easier for the dumper. You don’t want to divorce because you’re afraid that your back up options are not going to work. You’re a terrible person. A marriage takes two. Once one party gives up, I don’t see the point of appeasing the other. If you want to “date” other people start the divorce process. Be open with your partner. You know you don’t love them anymore so why just not let them go? That’s right you’re scared of your plan not working out. The truth is women and men like you who propose a separation want permission to cheat. If you’re so unhappy leave the marriage and divorce. You don’t care about your partner or as you say the “other person”. All you care about is your “needs”. Meanwhile the “other person” who you married could be having a mental breakdown on the verge of suicide, but let me guess you don’t care. As long as you’re happy. Your advice is gross and toxic.

[@Suzy.C]

Thank you so much for making me realize how normal my separation is. ❤️🌻

[@Suzy.C]

Not a trial. That's 100% for sure. 😂

[@Suzy.C]

Once the house sells...

[@tammycarlson601]

Snob

[@Meowmeowbyebye]

​@@tammycarlson601Explain.

[@patsydoiron2453]

Thank you…very helpful as I navigate a “pause” in my relationship.🙏

[@feliciasafunnygirl2256]

I'm glad you posted this video. Im currently in this phase and I never realized a trial separation could be so beneficial. Honestly I thought it was just dragging it out, creating more harm. I now see I was wrong and was able to reframe it as a possible positive option.

[@Paiva.TheFinanceTherapistLLC]

Yes! You can get closer!

[@kets7]

Hi, I m going thru this from last 2 long years! He initiated the divorce n I want to save our marriage. His parents lives with us who r by his side every minute. I can't work, dnt hv money, no family, no friends...cant bare this chronic pain any more...

[@kets7]

I m 42, he is 45 15 years of marriage No kids (he didnt let it happen so that he can get divorce easily) I came from broken family so he is everything to me n I m still very much involved in him n our relationship. Plsssss help!

[@MichaelMyers-tg9uh]

Single men get treated better than married men 😂

[@LastRebel1978]

Live as they want to live is how we got into this mess. Until you have the full responsibility of supporting yourself you won’t understand the chasm your getting ready to go thru. If we could care about the other person’s shoes we also wouldn’t be contemplating divorce………

[@jeffg6008]

As a man who is now in a trial separation, this is some of the best advice and insight I have ever come across. So much rings true. Thanks

[@Licha001]

No I feel like I'm dying and everything is on my shoulders. I want to walk away and BETTER MYSELF.

[@michelepaiva136]

Sometimes that is the right solution. Make sure that no matter what you choose, you get professional support (a therapist) because whatever you choose, you will need that insight and experience that they offer.

[@simplydee2567]

It can be difficult when you have kids. You don't necessarily want your kids to see trial separation.

[@barbaradiaz345]

Do you think it will impact young adult children?

[@lepetitemorte1635]

Considering a trial separation with my husband. But the thought of him dating someone else crushes me. Does that mean I’m not ready for a separation? I also do not want to date. I would want to do this as a way to try to get back to a better place together. 💔

[@Paiva.TheFinanceTherapistLLC]

Decipher why you might want that.. is it frustration? Maybe an in-home trial, living like roommates, with agreement not to date. Give it a timeframe. Two months. Revisit what you want & what you miss. Check my weekly zen newsletter at MuddyPath.Org I believe in love & it sounds like you do, too. Maybe separation isn’t fight at all for you.

[@keenbay]

I'm a husband currently going through this but I have to be honest, it's concerning because I have been doing the work, I have been catching up, and I'm in a better place. However, once I got in a better place, and I was calmer, then the trial separation was introduced. Can't say I don't feel a little betrayed.

[@michelepaiva136]

It sounds like she might not have been doing the work nor in a better place. It is also possible that the trial separation is because you feel you are in a better place but she feels she isn't seeing it? It takes time and it is normal to feel betrayed if you feel blindsided. I am sure you've talked to her about this? Is the trial separation in-home together with an agreement of no dating? Separations, I feel, should not be just breaks to do whatever- the need a purpose.

[@MattB-tx3xq]

My wife wants a trial separation to figure out our future together. I have not given her the love and attention she needs and deserves. She is emotionally done and doesn’t know if she wants a future with me or with someone new. I am working on becoming the best person I can be for myself and my daughter. I hope she will find it in her heart to give me that second chance at doing it the right way but not sure if the walls she has put up are to high and to thick.

[@Paiva.TheFinanceTherapistLLC]

Give her love and love yourself. It sounds like you are a good person who cares. I bet you had pain in your life and you held back for fear of being hurt again. Tell her that you realize that you desperately need her.

[@Cadia369]

How are things now?

[@Meowmeowbyebye]

Wow, I hope you can work it out. Most of the men commenting here are bitter and cruel, but you actually seem to care. I hope you've been able to at least figure out a good friendship or something. I know most men aren't as jealous as the others commenting here, because my ex and I are doing OK as friends and housemates. With love and hard work, the friendship after divorce or separation can be good.

[@Jakerun69]

How did it go

[@compassandradio6261]

I'm in a "soft" separation, sleeping separately and staying busy. I'm gradually spending more time in the garage, the gym, stopping by the store, and other errands after work. I'm going for runs early in the morning and trying to lead my daughters in devotions, prayer, and exercise. I also work a second job on the weekends. I'm not ok with seeing anyone else. My intention is to give my wife and I a chance to feel distant and see if we don't reawaken and take our marriage more seriously. I love her, but I can't handle her indifference to our home, our family, and our marriage. However, she's told me before that she doesn't think she could make it without me. I don't think she's a narcissist, but often makes narcissistic, self-serving choices. We all do from time to time in my opinion, but it's not where we want to be. I'm hoping this can be the nudge she needs, when my words fall short, to show her where this is going to lead us.

[@Paiva.TheFinanceTherapistLLC]

Very healthy outlook. Make sure if she’s indifferent that this doesn’t become a new normal though. Is her indifference perhaps depression or attachment struggles? What was her childhood like?

[@compassandradio6261]

@michelepaiva great question. I'm obviously not the expert here, but subscribing to Taise Gibson's Personal Development School, I've suspected she's a DA. Both parents worked, and she was often left to herself after school. She also suffers from Graves disease. She exhibits passive narcissistic tendencies. I would consider myself to be an FA. The only girls who ever wanted me were "bad girls." I wanted better. Today, I'm politely avoiding a female co-worker who's interested but doesn't want to interfere... I guess. I usually don't initiate conversations with her, but she's a great gal with similar values to my own. I'm just really focused on saving this marriage. It would be the best case scenario.

[@Paiva.TheFinanceTherapistLLC]

@@compassandradio6261 Graves can wreak havoc on her emotions, as you know. Is that being addressed by an endo or her family physician? I would look at that FIRST.

[@compassandradio6261]

@michelepaiva yes. I take a day off work to take her to see her endocrinologist. She encouraged her to take walks or do something to exercise. The kids and I have both tried to get her to walk with us, but she can't/won't listen. She said her doctor was wrong, and in my frustration, I told her to find one that won't tell her to exercise. That's a small battle. I'm not going to fight with her about her own health. Edit: That didn't answer your question. No. At least I'm not aware of the emotional side effects being addressed.

[@compassandradio6261]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/m2iVkIiOqK12Zsksi=okEgf8-gT9unsXVI

[@sowilodawn9285]

Thank you for this. Very helpful and less overwhelming to see if this is what we really want.

[@Siah69251]

We are legally separated With this work with us both? I file for legal separation because i do not want to be the option if my wife's affair failed. I love my wife but being the second option is being disrespectful to me. And the fact is she just accepted friend request this guy through IG. Is this the thing they say bout marriage till death to us part?

[@Paiva.TheFinanceTherapistLLC]

What I propose has nothing to do with cheating or affairs. Have you both tried therapy? I sounds like a lot of reactionary behaviors and you don’t trust each other?

[@Siah69251]

Been deployed for 7mos ma'am, came home everything was fine between us. The thing is she lied to me about her talking to others guys through social media until i caught her talking this guy and her flirting with him. Do i still have to trust her after all this. She do not want a divorce she just wants a legal separation so she says if we could still work it out,granted what she wants because i was thinking about our kids. Now in my mind has she been doing this when i was on deployment.

[@Paiva.TheFinanceTherapistLLC]

@@Siah69251 in this case go right to couples therapy. You’ve been deployed, that’s enough time apart!

[@Paiva.TheFinanceTherapistLLC]

in this case go right to couples therapy. You’ve been deployed, that’s enough time apart! Ps thank you for your service

[@Siah69251]

Thank You for the Support Ma'am She does not want to go to couples therapy. Right now im just taking it 1 step at a time, i let her get her own place. Thank you again

[@msnisperos]

7:40 just hit me to the core.

[@cindybuntain9361]

Best advice I’ve ever heard

[@ElektrasLove]

This is really helpful

[@lauradrago2836]

Helpful information > Thank you

[@compassandradio6261]

For the sake of helpful feedback, the volume is so low that when the add comes up, the volume is blasting us out. I appreciated this video very much. Keep all of us in your prayers.

[@Paiva.TheFinanceTherapistLLC]

Thank you. I can’t control ads and there’s no way to edit the sound; I’m sorry :/

[@andreryan4903]

Divorce your wife and start seeing other people. She would never put you in this situations if she loved you. Your wife sounds like a covert narcissist. Please move on. She will come back if you file and start dating. She will get jealous. You’re a good looking man, you can get plenty of women. Your wife knows this, and is insecure. Take your power back and not beg or appease.

[@minaosterlie7359]

This really helped me.

[@Paiva.TheFinanceTherapistLLC]

Thank you 🙏 I hope you feel joy & peace.

[@georgesontag2192]

Why would any man sign a marriage contract after reading and watching all these divorce youtube videos? Is it not obvious what the outcome will be like ? Women want to start families, but have no interest in being a loyal family. They divorce at an 80% rate.

[@Paiva.TheFinanceTherapistLLC]

This isn’t for women only! Separation is a way to not go into divorce; I’m all for saving marriages.

[@TheOriginalNiceGuy]

Exactly! All these videos are slanted towards women.

[@afcaton1]

Sounds like B.S. to me. I think we all know the real reason why this is done.

[@aaronbowie2562]

Never get married

[@nanold82]

I really liked this. Very helpful. Thank you.

[@scottbachmann1962]

Horrible advice. A “trial” separation is a disingenuous first step to divorce. Men, do not enter into a contract with someone who knows that she can get cash and prizes for breaking it.

[@Paiva.TheFinanceTherapistLLC]

Respectfully disagree, despite your bitterness and rudeness. In fact, if you somehow gave someone "cash and prizes" for breaking the "contract" with you, are you saying she did not deserve anything? So you didn't value her? You wanted her to stay with you even though you didn't love her? Do you hear yourself? If you loved her, you'd feel compassion and want her happy even without you in her life. If she was truly a horrible person, then the pittance you gave her was worth it to be free. Either way, it isn't always the man who gives up money. Regarding your advice, men can enter contracts with men and/or women in marriage or business, and yes, everyone can leave a contract. It's not slavery pal.

[@barbaradiaz345]

As women we suffer in silence. It might be from an affair, verbal abuse, physical abuse , sexual abuse, financial abuse , and or problems with spouse addiction, like alcohol, and or drugs. As for me I work a full-time job. Have my own savings account. Gotta think smart. I'm not a princess, gotta work hard for the things you want in life. It's not just handed down to you. I know first hand. Lived a poor life.