Go Away: Melbourne

No wonder Melbourne lost the title of ‘World’s Most Liveable City’.
More from The Weekly
Subscribe: bit.ly/WeeklyKZbin
Facebook: bit.ly/WeeklyFacebook
Twitter: bit.ly/WeeklyTwitter

[@ThatsMrSockPuppet]

"A tram is a bus with no options" Classic

[@sable93]

At least trams don't fart warm diesel fumes into your face lmao

[@emmas6364]

@@sable93 No, because of how packed the trams are, the disgusting passengers fart warm fumes into your face.

[@tevitaaho2109]

@@emmas6364 🤣🤣🤣

[@heedlessed7952]

@@annabeljohnson6536 you're wrong about a lot of stuff though, I can tell by your profile pic. Many of the trams have dedicated lanes and are able to cruise past buses that would be stuck in traffic whichever direction they try to go. Plus Trams are a smoother and less polluting ride. Get rekt.

[@MitchellBPYao]

They good to look at not so keen on riding them

[@basedbattledroid3507]

"Melbourne is controlled by a brutal warlord known as Eddie McGuire." Perfect

[@raven-dq6ox]

Eddie McGuire spreads his propaganda every morning on Tripple M

[@spart3499]

@Jeremy KirkpatrickI think you're referring to Adam Goodes

[@musicalneptunian]

Wrong! Joffa Corfe is the real warlord who controls him!

[@triarb5790]

2 years on. How prophetic.

[@helimark6161]

substitute Dan Andrews foe eddy and you have your answer

[@tislukey4289]

Melbourne uniform is a Kathmandu jacket

[@VTpieface1029]

Nah that’s reserved for second generation Asian Melbournians. Trust me. I own one xD

[@takemasu45]

Yeah the dark grey and acid green insides one

[@Sachin.Chandra]

I'd just like to point out two things. A. That's gross generalisation. B. It's absolutely true

[@AKAMCZS]

so true hahaha

[@VTpieface1029]

Ethan pangilinan You ever walked into Melbourne Uni during winter? 😂

[@nwoexposer89]

Lived in Melbourne my whole life. This is so accurate.

[@_Only_Zuul]

me too. i've never left.

[@aussiepete8914]

Most people in Melbourne are fake and superficial. They don't give a crap about you and will only associate with you if it benefits them in some way. The weather here is gloomy and shit 6 months out of the year. This garbage weather effects people's mental states to the point where it's the sjw and feminist capital of the country. Suburbs like Fitzroy and Brunswick are filled with skinny jeans-wearing soy-guzzling manginas. These people may as well be a different species to me and other sane people. Melbourne feels drab and miserable due to the anti-social people mainly but also the crappy and uninspiring architecture. Melbournians also brag about it being the world's most livable city. It no longer has that title but it boggles my mind how it even had that title to begin with. In closing, Melbourne is a shithole and Jerry Seinfeld was right when he called it the anus of the world.

[@dirkardostevergreen4827]

I lasted 6 months.

[@Steph.98114]

@joelabo cause we where born there

[@Assenayo]

It's not to late to leave. Just don't move to Sydney, it's even worse.

[@baljitkaur7174]

We know you love Melbourne, Tom. Look at your scarf, you will fit right in.

[@LJY08]

Yup! It's fuckin' cold right now!

[@boulderthefat154]

simran kaur well he needs a man bun, a suit while carrying a hicking backpack and a beard

[@janosk8392]

Boulder The Fat But those beards are so heavy to lug around.

[@christy76840]

I recently just lost my mom and this is the first genuine laugh that's came out of me! Thanks, The Weekly, I needed that. 😘

[@gorillaguerillaDK]

Christy Dunlap Sorry for your loss.... Laughter is the best "medicine" against those dark moments....

[@luked9984]

Sorry for your loss. My favorite of tom Gleason's is hard chat with politicians. They always make me laugh

[@christy76840]

GorillaGuerilla thank you I appreciate your comment. And yes it sure is. I love to laugh. Lately it's just a little tough to 💛

[@christy76840]

Qyit Rcevr To they're my favorite too! And thank you! 💛

[@MarkleZephire]

Hi Christy. Glad to hear you are laughing again. Stay well.

[@lawdpleasehelpmeno]

Unironically the best and most honest review of Melbourne I've seen.

[@Nautilus1972]

I love Aussies. Love their humour. I'll get there one day God willing. Yarra ... St Kilda's ... all introduced to me ... via Chopper's books! Love from Ireland.

[@frankly88]

i hope there are still some Aussies left here when you decide to visit

[@mtracy244]

Better hurry before it disappears into something else.

[@MitchellBPYao]

The flicking

[@olympic.fanatic4746]

Lived in Victoria my whole life. So true, but Tom- you forgot to mention Melbourne’s inconsistent weather patterns

[@joebloggs619]

Lived in Melbourne for years, back in the days when it had its good points and I loved the city, despite being true blue country. The weather is erratic but that is the least of my complaints about Melbourne because you can always bring your brollie everywhere, plastic rain poncho in handbag, three piece suit and layered clothing you can peel off or put back on to deal with erratic 4 seasons in one day Melbourne weather. But, it is the rest of the Melbourne muck one cannot easily deal with, even if you wear the standard Melbourne uniform they all wear there, to repel or hide all the muck there, the crime, the sleaze, the corruption.... I guess all cities must have a bit of this muck. But Melbourne must take out first prize as the most muck addled city in Australia. Some say it is the New York of Australia.

[@RGld-jg8rs]

4 seasons in 1 day

[@jackryan2135]

It's very consistent. It sucks from The start of May till the end of Feb.

[@samanthafairweather9186]

@@RGld-jg8rs that's what I was gonna say!

[@MitchellBPYao]

3:37 rolls my eyes

[@jvkanufan8115]

'An Idiot Abroad' - Australian style.

[@hellofromme9381]

I LOVE GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!! More please!!!!!!

[@thewhitegoldfish]

I was literally watching this when I got busted on the tram 😂😭

[@SynapticTV]

The $75 PTV fine is more like $242 now.

[@mfanto1]

SynapticTV if you don't pay on the spot

[@glennoc8585]

SynapticTV what's a ptv fine?

[@florenceholmes6463]

There's no pay on the spot option anymore.

[@alyssachick]

It's when you get a fine for not having a valid ticket while using public transport

[@The98597thMark]

Nah, the fine was always $200+. The $75 on the spot was a separate option and it wasn't a fine, it was a bribe in all but name.

[@fin5197]

Tom, you know you want to do Bendigo

[@Spid.E-girl]

Sci Fin Omg! Yes please. 😂👏🏻

[@shanesuridge587]

He forgot to mention the latest tourist attraction that Melbourne has got high crime rate lol

[@Gunshow0]

Mate, it’s a good town

[@havesomedeathsticks]

Bendighetto

[@Denizen36]

Morttyyyyyy

[@goanna83]

Lol this is gold! 😂 Thanks for this , we really need some cheering up especially after what happened as of recent in Melbourne #staystrong 👊

[@XxJaffaCakeBoysxX]

well this aged perfectly...

[@jakegargiulo5101]

"Welcome to the biggest joke in Melbourne, St Kilda Beach" HAHAHAHHAA

[@seanoreilly1832]

A tram is just a bus with no options 😂😂😂

[@Murrangurk2]

OMG Melbourne has a public transport system! one step ahead of the rest of Australia!

[@cutiesushis5187]

Murrangurk2 I live in Melbourne and the transport system is great

[@MitchellBPYao]

Everywhere the same

[@samanthafairweather9186]

Huh? Transport Australia wide is shocking.

[@C4mDog]

As a visitor to Melbourne for me it peaked 10 years ago... a perfect mix of history and possibility... now the globalised chains stores and fire risk cladded buildings are taking over.

[@earthwolf82]

@Historical Icons I escaped Melbourne because it's turned into a shithole.

[@ninjamoves3642]

2000 from Brisbane for a great 12 months in Fitzroy, fell in love with a hot Vietnamese Aussie babe... 5 min walk to the Punters Club, Gangland slayings every second day, Crown for afternoon beers..heroin junkies on the nod on the outbound trains and dance music festivals all fuelled on Tony's cheap speed pills.. was a year like no other.. haven't been back since.

[@MitchellBPYao]

Its great seeing how others see it but when you go the location is there

[@BasicXavier]

This is why Tom Gleeson deserves a Logie.

[@rjtas]

He was on screen for less than two seconds, but he stole the show. WHO WAS THAT BARTENDER?! I have to have him.

[@skypink5821]

Pack a lunch, and something to piss in 🤣. Please do Sydney. Endless material there

[@whiteeye5198]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/aWKtn39jh9xrY8k

[@sneekapeek707]

brilliant, love Australia. and love how their insults are sometimes the best compliments.

[@SENATORPAIN1]

shut up glenn. that was a compliment.

[@samanthafairweather9186]

If you're not being insulted, that's an insult!

[@triscurtis]

This segment is wayyyy too good to need cringey canned laughter.

[@eerikkiwhykeke1520]

I need more of these they are gems, definitely think this one is the best one yet. Anyways can’t wait to see what he says for Perth ahahaha.

[@chaos4316]

Mate, this is absolute gold!! Do FREMANTLE

[@hakket_nz3442]

this is Gold well done

[@music4real]

I actually think he went easy on Melbourne. There's so much to hate about it you can't really cover everything in 5 minutes.

[@littlepaws5947]

Rick O'Shea yep

[@trippyjun]

Rick O'Shea have you seen Canberra? It makes Melbourne feel like paradise.

[@emgee65]

Rick O'Shea Let me guess ... you’re from Shitney , right? lol

[@sophiecorkhill2898]

Rick O'Shea I've never been to melb everyone raves how great it is Tho. Is it really a shit hole?

[@glennoc8585]

Sophie Corkhill not a shuttle now by its overrated for sure not too.mention crowded and expensive. It's a but like an expensive Manchester by the sea, but it's more like a port with no waves. The towns and coast outside if Melbourne make Melbourne an attract place base oneself. Ocean road, Mornington, snow fields etc. Tbh most I'd cities are the same bike its getting shitty you need to leave out from the cities much like must countries now. No different in The UK, di2, USA and Asia. I can't see why anyone eod emigrate from a western city to another western city it seems pointless.

[@LJY08]

"Melbourne would be a great place to see, if it hadn't disappeared up its own arse" - Man! I am a born-and-bred Melbournian and that just made me piss myself. Yup! Sometimes, even I roll my eyes...

[@stache297]

I’ve been to Melbourne and I could not tell what season it was

[@SophieBayliss]

I love how he said that it is cold but while I am watching this it is 40 degrees here in Melbourne

[@luminair11]

I lived in Melbourne for 10 years and hated the weather, being originally from Sydney.......meanwhile Tom won't be making a lot of friends there!

[@ellebell5964]

I'm dreading Adelaide's ep 😂...

[@Funstuff13613]

Priceless!

[@zyawotha]

The only thing I love about Melbourne is the Hume Hwy that leads out of it

[@keiran-zz1kn]

so true

[@michelguevara151]

Sounds like Britain, the only good thing to come out of it is the flight

[@petergoodwin2465]

@Ellie Mack ha,ha, how true. The worlds most liveable city my ass.

[@Geebax2]

Yeah, but the Hume Highway leads to Sydney, an even bigger shithole than Melbourne.

[@Christoff070]

Ngl this made me really sad I loved melb when I went there

[@corinamullins7]

You have to do Albury!!!

[@TheRealMycanthrope]

Am I the only one who notices Tom Gleeson is slowly morphing into Peter Hellier?

[@subzer0381]

how?

[@narohato1749]

No gleeson is actually funny, where as Hellier hasn't been funny since he was Rove's late night show 20 years ago.

[@liamamundson7696]

I bet this will be in the news tomorrow

[@Lola_t]

I'm waiting for a Perth edition

[@greenisnice68]

RIP Father Bob.

[@thomasmcgillivray3997]

He be hard to please this mother eh...this was the best add for Melbourne I've seen...I'm sold on it & must visit there?

[@CaptainAwesome-mz6mt]

*Melbourne, My home city, in a nutshell* Thanks Weekly! :)

[@anifelix9645]

Please do Brisbane next.. sincerely from someone who lives here

[@jugganaunt3469]

Su true i live in brisbane and its shit compared to Melbourne

[@ninjamoves3642]

@Alex De Large I'd say Melbourne owns the torturous label pal, enjoying COVID?

[@MitchellBPYao]

@@jugganaunt3469 the man made beach and the plaza area

[@jugganaunt3469]

@@MitchellBPYao the streets beach is ok tbh and the weather's nice that's about it infastructure is very behind freeways are always packed Logan's a hole and a half and everythings expensive well mostly

[@mistayuto]

I live in Melbourne, it's not too bad if you stay at home and hardly go out.

[@grandwiz57]

Dictator Dan accommodated you there

[@earthwolf82]

Haha as a Melburnian, I pissed myself laughing at this.

[@australianpatriot]

its a fucking dump

[@gusy629]

Come to Perth, folks!

[@charliedawson4877]

gusy629 You people are like Mormons. Nobodies ever gonna say yes. Why do you ask?

[@jasecooper-brubaker7283]

I moved to melbourne from Brisbane in January 2020...hooray lockdown, now im moving back to qld coz i want to get out

[@subsynchronous]

always with the lane way art in travel shows, always

[@pixlekingproductions]

Love this segment. Do mount isa next

[@BushSniffers]

squatting_slav that'll be a fucking crack up!

[@kerriefearby9542]

Spot on!

[@alandtic4616]

i like how go away by far has the most views but they upload it less than there other segments

[@hustlehustle3578]

"Welcome to the biggest joke in Melbourne, St Kilda beach" 😂🤣😂

[@cutiesushis5187]

It isn’t, I live in Melbourne

[@samanthafairweather9186]

His description of Eddie McGuire is spot on! Loved this one! Who'd want to go to Melbourne anyway? ( Unless you're from there!) JK.

[@southsea8252]

" Great Wine Bar Mate" 😂

[@kimbo7496]

You are friggin the best tommy😂

[@liatRavia]

This hilarious! Can you please do Canberra or The Gold Coast.

[@assada]

the virus certainly thought its the most liveable city

[@EW-cw4ib]

brilliant

[@javatreecko]

Please somehow come to Warrnambool

[@CaptainAwesome-mz6mt]

Uh.... Keep Warrnambool away from the weekly

[@hew747]

It’s only cold because you visited Melbourne in winter 😂

[@LJY08]

Yeah, it's funny how that works LOL!

[@cutiesushis5187]

Matthew Gleeson it’s also a little close to the south pole

[@mattt_27]

Yeah but Melbournes winter lasts for over half the bloody year.

[@rawyld]

As a NSW person I Call Melbourne "Bloody Melbourne" because I am jealous of cool their buildings and when Supanova or other geek conventions comes around guess where they go? To Bloody Melbourne.

[@floydmayer]

Legend

[@Max-re5vg]

Yeah....that was the turning point for me too.....WoW......something of quality on the Internet!!.....Go Tom.....

[@jedmaegraith8542]

This now begs the question.."Is their any nice place to live?"

[@ninjamoves3642]

anywhere outside Melbourne

[@jtfinz]

I’m used to the cold, because I live here, and it’s still fun

[@eliasashoal8723]

homeless capital of Australia.

[@ThotslayFeetusdeletus]

Wait till you hear about Wagga

[@Shitphototaker69]

Not to mention it's cloudy 24/7 all year every year

[@robert-brydson-1]

lol that Sydneys making fun of Melbournes transport system

[@deepmop6817]

Lol like Sydney even has a public transport system

[@robert-brydson-1]

Melbournes tram network is the largest in the world

[@deepmop6817]

And the best public transport system

[@stephanielewis709]

@@deepmop6817 wait you think Melbourne has the best PT system? Are you having a laugh? It's one of the worst!!

[@Raffdhc]

:)

[@MiguelSanchizal]

Do Toowoomba!

[@zerodois3469]

Alô povo lindo da australia

[@peteyd1984]

Heading to Melbourne tomorrow. FML.

[@cutiesushis5187]

peteyd1984 no it’s good come visit Melbourne

[@stevencassidy6982]

He's right. There's no subway, train from the airport

[@themasonexperience6844]

Steven Cassidy actually they are building one. But I have a question, why can’t I fly to Sydney at night

[@rofalmatt]

GOLD !!

[@lunchandmilk2537]

The croft institute is fucking amazing

[@mossybricks8682]

This is literally so accurate- I live in Melbourne and it’s boring af here

[@DaleSavageAttorneyatLaw]

I grew up in Melbourne and then moved away, this was awesome. Best quotes "F$#@ it's cold" and "controlled by a brutal warlord Eddie McGuire." This also highlights the fact that our airport location makes absolutely no sense at all. You also forgot to mention that St. Kilda beach is home to syringes all over the place.

[@morganlambley8655]

Dale Savage to be fair, the airport is a second attempt after people built houses next to the first and had a cry about it. It got further away when there was no other option, and it’s being squeezed in again.

[@littlepaws5947]

Morgan Lambley yeah thats a melbourne expression 'to be fair'😂

[@rivertam7827]

The airport is great for those of us in the Western suburbs, suck it east side snobs lol

[@pavementpounder7502]

Why no sense? Airports are usually far away from the city for obvious reasons. We just need a train line there.

[@TheDemocrab]

What is it with people doing that? "I know I moved next to this pub that's been operating since the 1860s, but they need to stop their main revenue source and also not allow gambling because it's slightly annoying to me."

[@geletmote]

the end is so true, they never get your order right, "I ordered a beer "

[@MrCordycep]

2:42 oof that hit some members of the audience diff. 😂

[@MrScaramanga16]

One of the world's greatest music scenes, the biggest collections of back alley gems, I love Melbourne. But I also agree with pretty much all of this

[@gulliverthegullible6667]

music scene is nothing to write home about. You got that in any other city in ... anywhere else really.

[@LJY08]

As a born and bred Melbournian, I have to agree! Too funny!

[@flumpyhumpy]

and he's twenty years late with that comment anyway

[@Jellybeantiger]

Gulliver the Gullible pubs everywhere in melbourne with bands,your point is invalid.

[@goodshipkaraboudjan]

@@Jellybeantiger That is not at all unique to Melbourne.

[@TheObsessedGardener]

Gold.

[@Toastwig]

Oh hey the Croft institute, I like that place

[@suecampbell7490]

Omg funny stuff living in Melbourne Australia 🇦🇺 I’m in agreement with most of that lol

[@joshlegg8600]

Please do one about Sydney.

[@MitchellBPYao]

I'm not sure

[@CherishedMe]

2020 on my mind

[@bazza28101]

So true

[@DJsRockShop]

Said the guy who moved from Sydney to Melbourne. 😆

[@ndingo]

Go away Newcastle

[@ASingingChemist]

Do Adelaide next!

[@pweter351]

Lived there for three year's best food best people trams rock... worst drivers shittest weather

[@emgee65]

The Shitney one is 100% accurate. Haven’t laughed that hard in ages.

[@TheSilvaCamel]

Do Toowoomba in 2019

[@glencau]

Melbourne, London & Chicago it doesn't have to be this way!

[@internetuser0017]

Preach.

[@brendonlay8382]

I've never seen the weekly on tv I only eat healthy it on KZbin, so it would be nice if you put more content here

[@vinnychase1789]

melbourne reminds me so much of toronto.

[@michaeldixon9942]

Tom please come back and do Adelaide!

[@AAA-oy4tm]

So true the traffic haha 😂 I work near the airport so I get stuck everyday Freaking road work too bloody slow 😂

[@fluffychooks5615]

Also, Melbourne is no longer the most liveable