Gossip? | Doug Wilson

[@joshuaschaeffer2820]

"Gossip is saying something negative about a person to an individual that is not part of the solution"

[@detached]

I've heard gossip called the murder of a person's reputation. I always think of it in such serious terms. Helps to avoid it.

[@jeannemarkham1149]

Years ago I heard the phrase "Gossip is saying anything about a person that makes it harder to love them." Stuck with me.

[@raYrefiedAire]

That's a sage metaphor

[@Pankaic]

I get what you're saying, but if there's anything we can hear about a person that would make us less inclined to love them, I think there's a problem with our heart in light of the gospel. If because of such and such a sin or such a such a problem I feel less inclined to love my brother or sister in Christ, then my love for my brothers and sisters at that moment is dependent on their works. That's not the gospel. By no means do I mean to justify gossip. Just wanted to pick at that thought a bit.

[@jeannemarkham1149]

@@Pankaic excellent thought

[@papaoctopus]

“Well, let’s go talk to her right now.” Love it!

[@questianityinteractivebibl9830]

By Doug Wilson’s definition of gossip, a vast majority of Christian KZbinrs are guilty of gossiping in their videos.

[@paulmcwhorter]

One of the greatest potential sources of gossip, if we are not careful are church prayer meetings. In many cases, these Wednesday night prayer meetings turn into little more than sanctioned gossip sessions. "Y'all, we need to pray for Verna. Delmers been drinking again, and he's been hitting her". Gossip in prayer meetings is a very difficult issue. Does the entire group really need to know about this? Was the person genuinely concerned about the problem, or just using prayer meeting time as an opportunity to share this juicy little nugget. At the same time, a different person could share the same topic yet maybe not gossip because they genuinely are grieved by the problem. Hence, gossip can creep into church functions, and it is subtle, and it is very hard to deal with. Loved this video thanks for sharing.

[@raYrefiedAire]

Spot on

[@c.chinaski3156]

Good point

[@jaquirox6579]

Why do I always hear people say this online, but I’ve literally never seen it happen in my life. As a woman, who talks with a lot of women, and attends Bible studies, and groups, I would have thought I would have seen it by now, according to the prevalence people say it in a cautionary way. But I’ve never seen it!!! What’s a constant HUGE issue in female groups and Bible studies, is the encouragement of emotions, and emotion led discussion. Now THATS a big problem I see constantly!!

[@msseedlady2587]

Two things: 1. Prayer is part of a solution 2. If any guy is beating his woman and the ONLY thing people do is pray about it then shame on you. If men know another man is beating his woman they need to pull that guy aside and correct him. When men are passive, that stuff continues. When men run woman beaters out of town and stand up against it that stuff ends in communities because cowards learn men won't tolerate it.

[@jaquirox6579]

@@msseedlady2587 Accountability is required. 👏🏽👏🏽

[@morgangreenlee2091]

Great point about how authority can qualify a person to discuss another person's work or character without their knowledge.

[@stankwilliamsjr.8949]

Ruh-roh. I was sunk after Doug’s first sentence. I’ve got work to do…

[@jaredfalk6580]

I was told by an old friend that if you can talk about someone, you can also pray for them.

[@thatreformedguy]

I think it's a requirement that you must be regenerated, reformed and must have a beard as a man to be a part of Canon press. Such luscious beards 😅😅😅. Thanks for the explanation Pastor Doug, awesome as always!

[@GinaA]

😂💀

[@Garthant]

A good rule of thumb: If you wouldn't say it to their face, don't say it to someone else's.

[@raYrefiedAire]

If only that were common practice but alas it's no longer pistols at dawn rather game paddles after nap time and bagel bites for a different crowd 😂

[@jamiesmith9827]

Thank you so much for this

[@johnnyvo9313]

Gossip has become so rampant in our society people just think it's normal and that's how you talk about other people.

[@sophialainefoisy]

This was so good! Thank you so much for a good reference video!

[@rebekahguilder602]

I feel like I would have loved Doug Wilson's mother.

[@baldguythoughts534]

A somewhat mostly useful rule to apply (not a silver bullet though) - "if you're not part of the solution or not part of the problem then punt"

[@LFJ_Official]

Great explanation Much needed these days

[@jaredfalk6580]

We had a situation in our church where the pastor's wife had an affair and at the same time the youth pastor's wife also had one. The head pastor's wife admitted it to the congregation, but the youth pastor's wife's sin was kept secret. The two wives were quarreling about it because one was counseling the other and encouraged the adultery, but the other wouldn't admit it. The elders scared people into not being able to discuss the issue because they labelled any talk about the situation "gossip". People were afraid to even ask questions and it festered and the church ended up splitting. My argument to the elders was that discussing these issues could be done pure-heartedly so long as the goal was reconciliation without favoritism and being mindful to not sin...prayerfully. Am I wrong?

[@scwienert]

I believe you are right that it needed to be talked about, but by who is the question. By the circumstance you presented, I’d say the elders failed to do their duty in “talking about it” for the purpose of confronting the sun and cleansing the church of it. Them allowing that leaven to remain destroyed the church from the sound of it. 1 Corinthians 5 would be a good reference point for this situation. However, we are each accountable to God for our own actions. So anyone “talking about it” from impure motives and not directly talking TO the guilty individual would be guilty of gossip, even if the elders were negligent in their duties. In my opinion at least.

[@jaredfalk6580]

@@scwienert I agree with you. "so that his spirit might be saved" The motivation in the heart should be for the soul of your brother, and glory to God. However, the elders in this case didn't trust us to have those righteous intentions in mind. (Not that my intentions can ever be fully righteous pre-Heaven) Peace of Christ, brother.

[@TheDarkphx]

I never really thought of it this way but I did say this to one of my cousins once: When you talk about people, the Lord asked us not to bear false witness against our neighbor. But what if the person is speaking the truth about what happened to somebody else? What if it’s actually factual? I told my cousin, I think even in circumstances where you see a friend or loved one or a neighbor going through struggles in their life, even if you are speaking the absolute truth about someone. If there’s no prayer involved for that person being spoken of, if we’re not lifting our prayers to the Lord for this person, then we could potentially very well be gossiping about them…

[@doctrinalwatchdog6268]

Don't you put out videos weekly talking about those who are not present to their detriment?

[@dominiondefender4009]

This is helpful information

[@user-es1vy1kz1u]

When you’re having a conversation with everyone except the person you need to have the conversation with…

[@vesselsofmercypodcast6655]

Thank you Canon Press for this definition! I have always struggled with how to define gossip because of how many different definitions there are. Could you answer two questions about Gossip? First, what if you have been hurt by person A, and you need someone to talk to about what happened to you and get their counsel on how to proceed. Is that okay? Second, how does this definition of gossip overlap with talking about the evils that famous politicians/false teachers are committing? When is talking about a corrupt political leader or false prophet okay, and when is it gossip?

[@Pankaic]

While I'm not Doug or Canon Press, I'd like to offer a few thoughts in response. Re: the first question, according to Matthew 18, such a person should go to person A first to attempt reconciliation. I'd hope that whoever they go to for counsel would point that out and exhort them to do so. Re: the second question, I'm honestly not sure. But the example from Paul is that there is a point where someone is called out and known as a false teacher, and from that point, urging people to avoid them, reject their teaching, and even deny them hospitality (2 John 1) is appropriate. I'd imagine gossip has to do with a fellow believer, while an outsider/enemy of the faith is not under the same categorization. That said, I don't think there is reason to speak maliciously of a false teacher--any pointing out of their false teaching should be for the sake of instructing and protecting the church or urging for their repentance (both of these are actions Jesus himself modeled).

[@vesselsofmercypodcast6655]

@@Pankaic thanks!! This is helpful!

[@horrificpleasantry9474]

Ephesians 4 as a whole is very clarifying on this. Also Philippians 2

[@msseedlady2587]

In situation A, there is nothing wrong with seeking wise, Biblical counsel, but it should be done with only one or two people (say you have a mental health counselor you talk to about it and you talk to the pastor too on how to handle or you discuss with your spouse and the two of you discuss with a pastor and you seek prayer). Some people seek "counsel" by discussing it with several people and I think that runs the boundary of gossip. Who a person speaks to should be mature, godly, and discreet so it will not get spread about. I will say if it is a small matter, counsel with another person probably isn't necessary; prayer time with the Lord before going back to that person to talk about it is probably enough. For big matters, especially if more serious matters are involved or where there is a possible threat to safety (someone threatened violence or was violent towards you or they somehow have authority over you and are abusing it) or a legal entanglement, it is good to have wise counsel and seek prayer.

[@vesselsofmercypodcast6655]

@@msseedlady2587 Thanks sooo much!! This is very helpful!!

[@ozysalt4831]

Gossiping is the personification of hate,envy, and the end of a man's future.

[@psalm8453]

Amazing video! I have a question about when a parent uses someone as an example not to become like them or to be wary of them as they may be harmful to be around? What do I make of this? Is is also gossip? At one point I feel they say it for our protection but again it can paint a bitter picture of them too. Would be grateful to receive some wisdom.

[@jeanettejeanette1199]

How should we respond when people are gossiping to us? And how should we respond if its someone were sort of not allowed to lecture, like a mother in law or boss per say?

[@perperson199]

Douglas's mother was a champ!

[@nicford1486]

No joke, one of the biggest gossip area is a construction site. Men would talk mad shit about other guys on the crew. "His work is terrible, he can't wire for shit. He is way too slow, etc". Only difference was, as opposed to women, is they would also rip them to their face.

[@Matthew.._]

Is it gossiping to recall and talk about the the truth of what happened in a situation ?

[@questianityinteractivebibl9830]

The definition of gossip and the parameters that constitute this sin seem to be quite difficult to define. Every theologian I’ve heard that has attempted to define it describes it differently.

[@ncg4132]

Do you feel that Douglas Wilson's definition of gossip was good?

[@UnderTheFloor79]

@@ncg4132 No. Not terrible but not great. Probably unbiblical too.

[@UnderTheFloor79]

@IAmFailSafe I don't think it has to be false to qualify as gossip. Things like repented if sins generally don't need to be discussed.

[@shellyslioneyes]

Gossip is: "Let's pray for Aunt Sue. Not to gossip, oh no, but because I OVERHEARD abt her affair ..now I'm not gossiping right? No, we are praying, in love for God to soften her heart and restore her marriage!, Yes oh", amen" yikes. This IS GOSSIP, Sadly, more women do/have done it, esp abt their own husband's, then they work it out and wonder why their mother can't stand him. They leave out how they nagged him, etc. I've been guilty of this and guess what? My husband divorced me and remarried a beautiful virtuous women who has his back and, unlike I did, she dont stab him in the back. We much learn to leave & cleave. Amen?

[@iamlethibe]

🙃💀

[@horrificpleasantry9474]

The most tolerated sin in all of Christendom. And to the spiritual harm of countless women (primarily, but men also) who are not confronted over their sin from the pulpit or the pastor's office, and therefore never experience sanctification

[@douglasmcnay644]

I would say the second most tolerated would be the unwillingness of calling out feminism (i.e. not teaching women that submission to their husband is part of God's good design). It is no wonder the divorce rate among "Christians" is basically as bad as the pagan world. We have just allowed the corruption to seep into the church.

[@chriswilliams-oh8yq]

Say I have a co-worker who has a total opposite work style as to mine. When I make a balloon order, I like to ask the customer what they want first, finish ringing the customer (that's how I was taught to do it through company trainging videos), then blow up the balloons. She, has me blow up the balloons as she is ringing, while asking the customer what they want, which confuses me altogether. I have been working there for 4 years, she is a new hire. I go up to my second coworker, say "you know how she does that?" 2nd Co-Worker, "does what?" I say, "hands off balloons for me to blow up as she is making an order?" 2nd Co-Worker, "oh, that yeah?" I say, "I don't like it, it confuses me." Am I gossiping?

[@msseedlady2587]

Do you plan on confronting her? If not you are just complaining.

[@chriswilliams-oh8yq]

@@msseedlady2587 I have confronted jer before about another isolated incident. I was making balloons for another customer, she was about to ring another customer but the phone rang for curbside pickup. She told told her customer to wait at the register because of the curbside, and told me to keep blowing balloons. If you have a customer at the register you have to prioritize them over the curbside calls. Either finish ringing or get someone else to bring out the order to the car outside. I told her she should have had me do it, since the balloons I was doing could have waited, they really could have, or told me to ring up the customer who she told to wait. I took over and brought the customer to another register, we have assigned tills but she was not happy about this at all, she had 137 pieces of candy to be counted for and was very critical about our handling and communication skills. Now I tried to get my coworker to ring her out first but she is clearly stubborn. I'm stubborn, we're both stubborn. I'm not confrontational, so I preempted myself for the conversation about how she can not do that, it confused me because it was completely against what we learned from the ctvs. I have autism which means I have to follow the guidelines for the most part, with variation. Again, I'm not very confrontational and it was busy at the time. I plan on confronting the next time it happens again. We should always have orders filled out before we fill them up.

[@inlonging]

My pastor defined it as conversing about others in a way that is not edifying. As DW says, if you are part of the solution you’re edifying them. But when you include people who aren’t part of the solution, such as “venting” about your children to your friends (not seeking godly advice from wiser more experienced), you’re not edifying the listeners nor the subject individual. Refraining from gossip is an act of love.

[@Kylecombes4]

Boom

[@IsaiahEli]

May the Lord return! Amen. God is merciful. He always forgives. Never be ashamed to take your failures to him. He is for you, not against you! God is with you in the storm. He knows your troubles, he hears you! He is for you, on your side, always! It may feel silent at times, but he’s holding you close! May the Lord return soon! We are drawing closer. He is coming! Believe and trust in the Lord, you will be saved. Period. May the Lord bless you all! Hang in there family. Stay strong. It is not easy following the Lord. We are scoffed at. We give up our earthly dreams, our fleshly desires. What the enemy offers is short lived, but heaven is forever! Life may seem or be unfair, but God is with you! Always remember that. Things may get better or worse for you, but a kingdom awaits you! Finish the race! Repent daily and carry your cross. This world is fading fast. Your troubles are temporary! New channel here, I’d appreciate any kind of support. Don’t give up! God loves you so much! So do I. The Lord bless you!!

[@raYrefiedAire]

My favorite thing to equate is hearing you shouldn't have said that.... Well dear then you shouldn't have told me 🙄

[@raYrefiedAire]

In my experience men say what they mean, and mean what they say. We don't play our cards close to our chest and filter with the same ♀️level of understanding whatever web we inadvertantly expose... Anything that starts with now don't say anything I respond just "stop now" I can't comply...

[@raYrefiedAire]

There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.

[@mrupholsteryman]

So...this came to me while at a men's Bible study... let me know your thoughts.. When the disciples asked Jesus the most important commandment. JESUS said to love God first..He continued with stating the next commandment was like the first...to love your neighbors as yourself... on these two hang the law and the profits etc.... So..the thought that came to me was that as in our ever-changing narrative walking alongside nothing new under the sun... If we have not been born again believers and living a sanctified life (while still growing IN HIM) we have decided to focus less on "sin" and more on "love"... we have lessened the Gospel and raised the gossip... while we have been immersed more in cultural relativism and wanting/desiring to "earn the right" to speak truth in those lives around us... We are also ignoring the Biblical narrative in exchange for a cultural one... Jesus said there was no other way into the Kingdom except we be born again. Jesus didn't go to the cross guilty of idolatry (loving the creation more than the Creator God (Father). He (as a perfect spotless Lamb to be sacrificed for the sins of another)...Jesus asked if there were any other way and yet said not His (a Son) but Yours (the Creator/Father) be done....He continued to let man although created in the image of God...to nail the Only Savior they had to a cross...and He was still asking for forgiveness for those acting in ignorance... While we humans tend to not want or choose to "offend" those that are perishing (cuz the preaching of the cross is foolishness to those) .... we need to remind ourselves that we have all fallen short of His glory...and we were all swine that this pearl had been offered to... So while we may love the idea of loving those like we love ourselves.... if the same old nature (self love and a warped sense of Who He is and who we are) is defining love and we love our neighbors as ourselves (loving the creation more than the Creator) we are still perpetually giving into idolatry and not allowing the actual Gospel be heard/promoted/declared etc... Are we gonna keep grieving the Holy Spirit? Who indeed wants to lead us in all Truth? Yes the Holy Spirit convicts the sinner of their sins and ALSO allows us to come to the terms ...salvation is a gift that is not earned...or we'd boast. The Holy Spirit will be our ever present Helper...and Comforter (in the New Nature) While man likes a sure thing and a system that he can count on....how often do we keep quiet the Gospel and keep telling folks to just trust the system....the gossip... I'm reminded of those that claimed to follow the procedure known to be what is the fruit of a tree...healing/casting out demons/power in the Name etc....and Jesus told them... I tell you the truth...I never knew you. Get away from me you workers of iniquity... I pray for the salvation of all...but it is not based on a puppeteer God that allows no choice...as otherwise we are all programmed (and not free by any means) God also allows choice... it is my "opinion" that as God allows us to share the Gospel with those "we love and want to see saved on a platform of love and no talk of the reality of sin"...I'm also reminded where Jesus shared fish and loaves with multitudes and reminded them.....that what they heard (gossip) was to love your friends and hate your enemies... He said to love even your enemies. There is a huge difference between loving and worshipping. Plenty of His disciples couldn't handle this teaching....He asked His 12 (remnant) if they wanted to follow the others as well...again choice...not programmed ordained predetermined predestination...but allowing man to wrestle with Scripture and God while he still has breath in this vapor of temporary existence.... Fast forward to now.... I see the "church" as I do the multitudes that were fed by Jesus and couldn't handle sharing the truth being presented by the Author and Perfector of our faith... Are we gonna stop with following the "masses" and be able to stand and keep standing firm in the Saving faith of Jesus? 😇💪🙏

[@msseedlady2587]

Jeffrey, my thought is this: The people I admired the most are the people who saw me walking a destructive path and loved me enough to confront and correct me. I know not everyone appreciates that. One had to know who they are talking to. Proverbs 9:7-9 "“Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult; whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse. Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you. Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning." When it comes to matters of the Lord, the scripture is the most powerful weapon I know. It pierces the heart. The word has the power to sanctify us, to correct, to offer reproof. People will either be changed by reading scripture or they will walk away. People misunderstand the Lord, what His will is, because they are ignorant of Him and His word. People of the world will not be able to handle the Spirit of truth, but those who are saved will rejoice with the word.

[@sheep4129]

Yeh

[@GentlemanJack295]

So slander is not a "big ticket" item. Slander is false or a lie. If I say someone stole money and they did it is not slander. Is it gossip? I don't know

[@emlih1898]

what about when paul wrote that so and so did him great harm and to mark him. is that gossip? or is that identifying someone who is unrepentant and needs to leave the church because CHURCHES TODAY DO NOT MARK UNREPENTANT CHRISTIANS and they look the other way. they’re not zealous for christ and remaining pure. they allow a little leaven to remain.

[@cabbytabby]

It’s backbiting

[@jeremiahmallow8992]

I'm guilty

[@bradarmstrong3922]

Is that dude wearing lipstick? is that gossip?

[@caleb__mtz]

Honestly the most annoying thing to me when someone just constantly goes "mmhmm" after everything statement. Terrible for listening