DO THIS, Or Be Socially Awkward and Shy FOREVER

[@ofauvi2089]

Something that helped me over the years was realizing that 90% of the “awkward” “embarrassing” things I have done never mattered. At the worst someone will make a joke about them, or maybe make fun of you for a month or two. But in the grand scheme of things nobody really cares. Nobody will bring that stuff up after a year or two. If you really are upset. Just tell them “that joke has gotten old” or “yeah Im tired of hearing that”. Say it to them in a straight face with a serious demeanor. And say it assertively. If they are your friends they’ll stop. If not, cut them off. The third thing I realized was that you can actually use funny goofy stuff to start conversations, make inside jokes (which strengthen friendships) and help you learn. I just stopped caring. Because I realized what others think of me doesn’t matter that much.

[@ofauvi2089]

Also going to the gym helped me. Because I don’t feel weak or inferior to others anymore. Lifting in addition to martial arts really upped my confidence. Also being well groomed helped. Nothing serious. Just getting a haircut that fits, clothing I like, and fixing my bad dental health. That’s really it. Even if I do meet someone more buff or confident than me. We usually get along because of shared interests

[@303machine]

Some people will mock you because they are insecure and this way they feel better. Most importantly, when you think of it, in hundred years nobody will remember you, except if you manage to have large family, but majority of people don't. So, be good to everyone, meaning don't do bad things, respect everyone, act accordingly and don't be to hard on yourself.

[@ranc1977]

NArcissists and impulsive borderliners care a lot about your embarassements and they will bring it up over and over to make you feel embarrassed.

[@robin6921]

This is a really intriguing video my guy. I'm introverted, awkward and shy as well and until a few months ago, I thought staying inside, not interacting with people and facing my fears is the way to go. But let me tell you, it IS NOT. I realised that I need to go out of my comfort zone (going to partys, events and in general interacting with people) to get ahead in real life. I actually have done the advices you gave in this video before watching it - I went to conversations just with the intention to tell the other person just one thing, i.e. I told one guy from my old class that I met another old classmate, I asked a guy from the gym if he works at the same soccer stadium as me. I even got an instagram from a very attractive girl that I met at work and had a decent time with. Even if the conversation stops after you've told your intention, it's still a succes, because I often had moments where I thought about having a conversation, but never actually having it happen irl. But now having the courage to talk with others, it feels like I have put something heavy off my chest. Failing an interaction is better than holding to these thoughts of 'what could have happened?'.

[@demonking6592]

I learned to just act stupid and funny without offending anyone works best for me also have the mindset that if you feel nervous know that they also feel the same way and are more focused on what they are going to say too so I try to make them feel less nervous by being open first.

[@TeddyA-v4h]

Why would you want people to think you are stupid?

[@frozenskies1718]

@@TeddyA-v4h It's fun. Deliberately acting stupid is freeing. There's nothing to fear when you've already accepted and leaned into the idea of coming across as stupid. You can still balance it out as a conversation gets more serious, but it's a decent way to get socially warmed up.

[@ranc1977]

Being obsessed by reaction to others is mental illness and result of trauma.

[@bepreparedforwhatscoming4975]

⁠@@frozenskies1718that’s sounds very cowardly. Especially when you mentioned that you don’t want to offend anyone. If your meeting a new person, ok. Don’t take that mindset with you with someone you have a relationship with. *You’re better off having no one around, than having people but they’re positive role models*

[@frozenskies1718]

@@bepreparedforwhatscoming4975 was that response for me or the original comment?

[@ofauvi2089]

Thanks for highlighting the “sea of awkwardness” having a name for that feeling will make it easier to remember. I swear it’s always the small self improvement/life advice channels that have the best advice.

[@ranc1977]

Symptoms of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (when criticism hurts) - Being easily embarrassed - Heightened fear of failure - Unrealistically high expectations for self - Assuming people don't like you - Avoiding social settings - Perfectionistic tendencies What triggers RSD? Everyone's RSD triggers are different, but they may include: - being rejected or thinking you're being rejected, like not getting a response to a text message or email - a sense of falling short or failing to meet your own high standards or others' expectations - being criticized for something you can't control

[@optimisum7807]

this is so true! always struggled with this but i’ve been sm better lately. also helps to remember that everyone has awkward moments u see it on TV all the time it’s just about being confident enough in urself and not letting mistakes get to u

[@seifou]

Why bro lowkey look like Andrew tate

[@user-od9fz2fd7l]

I was literally just about to say that

[@ImagineCODM]

Ong

[@azure8696]

Nah he HIGH KEY looks like a 26yr old Tate 😂

[@Wack100Bluebook]

Kind of sounds like him too

[@thedanger_]

Lost brother

[@dusanstojsin4938]

I hate the fact that me and many other people have to work on talking to people like we're working out a muscle, but other people are just born perfect "social butterflies" and get all the friends and all the girls with no effort. It drives me mad, it's almost like God himself said "go suffer you little b*tch, I'm gonna make your life harder for no reason".

[@bmba00400]

Fr bro, life sucks '

[@aerrustein5790]

Come on bro, you probably have something they don't have, and they have something you don't

[@krejziks3398]

most social butterflies have average intelligence, meaning not they're dumber than you or anything, but they don't overthink every little move they make, they just do it.

[@oskarrriseland7063]

Life gives its toughest battles, to its strongest soldiers, imagine your relief and joy once you overcome this struggle!

[@f3r178]

That’s a thought I sometimes have. Then i remember that i am not them. You are in your own individual situation and you have to adapt to it. Focus on yourself and not others 🙌.

[@AHorseWithNoName-bs7sm]

Great video, totally relatable, definitly gonna apply your insights. Thank you!!!

[@nano7055]

I like how ur videos are about ur genuine thinking and experience, not like others KZbinrs with their website-like videos, really special and insightful

[@broom4510]

Thanks bro, I had an interview for a college organization the other day and I felt like my responses were so stupid and the way I talked was awkward that I ended up overthinking all evening and night (when I'm supposed to sleep and relax) about the "stupid things I said"

[@ranc1977]

“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth” - Pema Chödrön

[@ablum1694]

its sad because some people dont undetstand that this is something we do have to go thru

[@ranc1977]

It is sad to attack and self hate ourselves and try to fix ourselves which is not broken at all.

[@-mrbright]

I have a stutter so I would always get really mad at people for being nervous when public speaking because to me if I could just talk like anyone else, i'd be the most confident person in the world.

[@slimesushi]

That's literally what i was thinking being able to speak freely is a blessing, i stutterer btw

[@ranc1977]

It is an ironic habit of human beings to run faster when they have lost their way. Rollo May

[@ranc1977]

It is an ironic habit of human beings to run faster when they have lost their way. Rollo May

[@GrazHero]

Thanks man, I need this a lot right now

[@moikka333]

thanks for the video, very insightful 🙌

[@trayfor]

This was a great video man, I just subscribed. Love what you are about

[@Boratikk]

Nice vid bro I can totally relate. I hate my social anxiety but trying to work on it every day

[@ranc1977]

"I hate my social anxiety but trying to work on it every day" Self hate is social anxiety itself. You are adding fuel to the fire and then wonder why it is not extinguished.

[@bentaouzataher]

The thing is... I've been putting my self trough social situations and getting out of my comfort zone for years now, everyday i would talk to a random stranger to "improve" my social skills i even went out with many girls dated ect... but I'm still akward and beat my self up for saying something dumb, what could be the solution here?/ has anyone also experience this?

[@ofauvi2089]

Take my advice with a grain of salt, because I haven’t figured it out 😂 but I think you just need to take it easy. Everyone messes up. Even the “social butterflys” I know mess up all the time. They fumble conversations just like I do. I just don’t really care if I say something dumb. Because most people forget within a week or month. I might say something awkward and cringe at it. But I just move on. I say dumb stuff with my closest friends. And they do too. 90% of people I meet or just as nervous as I am. And I consider myself pretty confident/extroverted. I tend to view life as something funny. What I mean is that embarrassing things will happen. And it’s best to just laugh at them. Because if your friends or partner really value you, they won’t care if you’re a bit awkward if you can own it. I know this sounds like run of the mill advice but I hope it will help.

[@hentai_lover6915]

Stop treating socializing like a full time job. If you mess up, nothing bad will happen so don't put too much thought into it. Show yourself some compassion. You're putting in the effort to be more social and even if you're still awkward and "mess up" that's fine. Don't focus on where you're falling short and focus on where you've improved. I bet the you of the past could never talk to random strangers but look at you now. Can you even count how many strangers you've spoken to?

[@fettychow7648]

love yourself more, I also recommend meditation, it seems like it wouldn't have an effect but after a few times you'll feel much more comfortable in your own mind, which makes conversation feel more natural rather than a challenge

[@ranc1977]

I go out and I have a blast. I see people I know, watch show in a club, I talk. And it feels good, invigorated. And..next day I will feel anxious again about doing the same thing! You would think after so many times of positive reinforcement 🟥JamesCamacho

[@ranc1977]

@@ofauvi2089 If we could somehow end child abuse and neglect, the eight hundred pages of DSM (and the need for the easier explanations such as DSM-IV Made Easy: The Clinician's Guide to Diagnosis) would be shrunk to a pamphlet in two generations. 🟦 John Briere 14 Traits of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic ("The Laundry List") We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures. We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process. We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism. We either become alcoholics, marry them or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs. We live life from the viewpoint of victims and we are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc. We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others. We became addicted to excitement. We confuse love and pity and tend to “love” people we can “pity” and “rescue.” We have “stuffed” our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (Denial). We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem. We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us. Alcoholism is a family disease; and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink. Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.

[@Tom_04]

Great video brother, gonna start thinking like this.

[@ranc1977]

His video is filled with self hate and narcissism. Please do not listen to you tube for mental health issues.

[@RainbowsAndUnicorns87]

im happy with being a socially awkward weirdo.

[@aboodhamoodah8145]

sometimes being awkward is normal, to be honest... you can be awkward socially XD You can be awkward and still confident in yourself sometimes there are things you can't change

[@ranc1977]

Nobody liked your comment people prefer lies and drama instead of health.

[@aboodhamoodah8145]

thanks for the honesty@@ranc1977

[@zachariaselia1994]

Love this guy

[@sevencolours5014]

Are you just rehashing RSD stuff?

[@johanna2940]

what's your mbti?

[@BulkMaster82]

you look like andrew tate when he had hair

[@AlrDavid]

ty dawg ima try this

[@sorengibbs777]

Great video bro

[@10pmmemes88]

Self improvement vlogging is basically "dear Diary" for young (red pilled & sigma) men. Seriously, KZbin is flooded with these channels recently

[@krejziks3398]

its not, your algorithm is just that way. I always say, show me your youtube recommendation and i will tell you what kind of person you are.

[@10pmmemes88]

you fail to account for KZbin artificially pushing content (like this). But I guess you're kinda right - I always engage with these "enlightened" vlogs because they're so annoying. @@krejziks3398

[@turtlejerk9241]

​@@krejziks3398ok but realistically, how many times did you actually say that shi*

[@thedanger_]

Idk if you're making fun of these type of videos or its just your observation. If it's the first one then just leave, no one is forcing you to watch it, if you didnt have bad intention with this comment then nevermind.

[@Callum_Maguire]

Great video

[@Heretic911G]

Bro just be extroverted.

[@ranc1977]

Neurodiversity describes the idea that people experience and interact with the world around them in many different ways; there is no one "right" way of thinking, learning, and behaving, and differences are not viewed as deficits. What is neurodiversity? - Harvard Health Neurotypical (NT) personality: - strong social and communication skills - navigates socially complex situations with ease - makes friends and establishes romantic one with ease - ability to participate in loud, crowded, or visually overwhelming settings with ease (verywellmind) "neurotypical individuals often assume that their experience of the world is either the only one or the only correct one" Even with label ADHD, so many of us believe we should be able to just tough it out if we use enough willpower. This is one of the big myths of our society: “is that anybody can convince their brain to do anything of they just try hard enough”. "ADHD, Self-Esteem, and Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria" “Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, surrounded by a$$holes.” I have autism so I have difficulty reading faces. So unless it's like an obvious smile I have no idea what you're thinking of or feeling. With RSD I will going to assume negative, I can't define smile - I'll go with: you're angry. YT PurpleElla People can develop specific fears as a result of learning. LITTLE ALBERT EXPERIMENT Fear is combination of bodily sensation, coupled with images and with certain thoughts. Sensation itself is just sensation. When you couple it with image in flashback of PTSD or with thoughts This will never end, make it into fear. YT Peter Levine

[@Gotenblitzem]

getting better every day

[@haraanganjotsingh8032]

Wow

[@Tocinos]

never trust a man with zero art on his wall 🗿

[@MeJustMe101]

Looks like I found another Andrew Tate clone. Hey Andrew Tate clone. This is your little "wage slave" speaking. I just wanna say you look like Andrew Tate, like the Walmart version of him.

[@tmoneybaby]

THANK YOU :D

[@grime7002]

You look like Martinelli whos plays for Arsenal! actually scary lol

[@ZAsym]

I have this problem where i am too expressive and friendly and all so a lot of people latch on quick. Like they’ll ask me to go out or come to the party or help them study etc etc. I hate that tho and i can’t ever say no cuz im scared ill come off as rude. Thing is ill be super nice to them listen to everything they say and all but i never know what to talk about when i have to talk about myself 🫤

[@ofauvi2089]

I can kinda relate. I think it’s just something you have to work on. I am kind of a people pleaser so I felt uncomfortable telling people no. What really helped was just realizing that I have authority over some situations. I have authority over my time. I have the authority to say “sorry I can’t make it” “sorry I’m not really interested” just be confident and assertive and you will feel less awkward The more you tell people no, the easier it becomes. But you’re probably better off looking toward psychologists or negations for advice rather than me 😂

[@juliemeador7155]

I so understand this...only difference is, I've always gotten really nervous where I end up saying & talking way too much & and scaring people off all the time, but in the past few years I've learned how that only happened when I 'd socialize with assholes who were only hanging out with me bc it benefited them somehow & just didn't have anything interesting to talk about. These kind of people only stopped talking to me or hanging out with me bc they have no personality, are so boring or selfish so they cut me off before I figure it out for myself. Thank God bc I'm super nice. I would've ended up wasting my time hanging out with them until one day they'd finally end up breaking my heart, hurting me somehow or stabbing me in my back which would really piss me off. I don't have any true friends nowadays & tbh, I like it that way bc I'm tired of everyone not having anything close to true & real love for us in their hearts anymore...family included too. 🥹💔🙏

[@slinger7529]

u look like the supermodel chico a bit lol

[@Epic-pf8od]

In b4 "it's over"