GREASE ON FILM

[@gdj2438]

Me and a friend of mine went to see this movie together one night. It was about 2 weeks after it released, and we went to the really cheap, shitty theater in the middle of town. He was a big Borderlands fan (I've only played a little bit of the first game, so I only knew some of the basics) but we both knew it was going to be really, really bad. When we walked into the theater, the place was a complete ghost town. No other customers or anything, just us. There was a lone employee at the concessions stand, who was also doubling as the ticket guy. We walked up and proudly asked for "two tickets to Borderlands!" He laughed at us, and then we went to our screening room, which was at the very, very corner of the theater. The whole place was kind of in disrepair, none of the signs that displayed the movie were working, the lights were flickering, and the floors were stained, etc. The hallways felt like a labyrinth as we tried to find where we were going. When we walked into the screening room, it was, sure enough, completely abandoned. The room was oddly humid, and smelled faintly of piss, befitting of the piss-take of a movie we were about to witness. We picked some seats up near the top and sat down. The seats felt damp, and the floor around us was sticky, as were the armrests. As the previews came to an end, not another soul entered the theater; it was just us two, all alone. We vocally asked multiple times during the first minute of the movie if anybody else was there. We got no response. We proceeded to spend the runtime of the movie yelling at the screen, making shitty jokes, asking questions about what was even happening, and generally just being obnoxious. I had a bit where every time something stupid happened (frequently), I would stand up, and vault off the railing down to the ground. My friend continuously explained to me everything that was wrong with the film lore wise. As we continued, the jokes started to slow down, and we instead began to become actively annoyed at how absolutely dogshit the film was. We just kept looking back at each other and asking ourselves how something like this even got made. Near the end, during the climax where Lilith uses her Firehawk powers, we just started dying laughing. It was so poorly paced, so poorly put together, so poorly foreshadowed, that we finally broke down. We could do nothing but laugh at the absurdity. I haven't laughed as hard I did while watching this movie since. When the movie was over, the janitor came in to see if he needed to clean up, and on the way out I told him that the movie was horrible. He laughed, said he knew exactly what we were talking about since he was also a Borderlands fan, and then the three of us talked about how much we hated Randy Pitchford. Me and my friend got McDonalds on the way back. Unironically, one of the best nights of my life. We watched a horrible movie in a dingy, run down theater, screaming obscenities at the screen and dying from laughter. I wouldn't change a single thing about that night.

[@flooku987]

maximum paynis

[@InnuendoStudios]

first half of this story I definitely thought it ended with you and your friend in the Back Rooms

[@magentaformula025]

I feel terrible for Tiny Tina's actor. Imagine having to read that script and realize this could be a career killer.

[@icravedeath.1200]

It should've been CG animated so they could have the OG voice actors and save that girl the horrendous bullying and harassment she'll probably get because of this.

[@crimsondynamo615]

@@icravedeath.1200studio executive: “animation? That shits for kids!”

[@vee-bee-a]

She also portrayed what should have been a young adult Ahsoka Tano (probably in the 20+ range) in live action. Bleugh...

[@larrylaffer3246]

It feels eerily similar to the situation Ahmed Best, the actor for Jar Jar Binks. Only he at the very least had George Lucas in his corner giving him support.

[@stefanforrer2573]

do you really think an actress from her generation looks at the script before the paycheck... or looks at the script at all for that matter

[@MsQueenOfDance]

The idea that Luigi is down there with you is hilarious

[@Civvie11]

HE GETS ALL THE PERKS IT'S BULLSHIT

[@sweetsucculentcontentnectar]

@@Civvie11 #FreeLuigi (And #FreeCivvie, obviously.)

[@SirusDiarota]

@@Civvie11 Must be a family connection.

[@counterfeitsaint7479]

@@SirusDiarota Wrong Luigi. #Deny #Defend #Depose

[@johno1544]

😅

[@kingbash6466]

Nothing screams "confused" more than the fact that they got Eli Roth to direct an adaptation of a game known for being pretty violent and crude, yet they gave it a PG-13 rating.

[@mjay6245]

To be fair, a 2024 pg-13 is like a 2005 18+ lmao

[@NemesisOgreKing]

It was going to be an R rated gore fest, but the suits got cold feet and edited it into PG-13 territory.

[@phantomspaceman]

They knew it was garbage and dropping the rating was the only way to reduce the financial damage.

[@playery2684]

I saw a Half on the Bag review of the movie, and one of the top comments said that this was some kind of elderly abuse

[@BadenBattleBase]

Yeah, Mike really suffered in the cinema, as always.

[@olliezoop]

​@@BadenBattleBase As did all the elderly folks he hit with his car on the way to the theater

[@Roy_1]

Yeah, where the elderly abuse us

[@Thatonedude227]

The RLM video on this was great

[@lordlithegreenxiii6140]

moreso cuz Mike is old and doesn't understand video games

[@Alsritt]

Describing this as the same quality as early 2000s Spy Kids/ Shark Boy and Lava Girl, but without any heart, is shockingly accurate

[@vfxninja5503]

Sharkboy & Lavagirl had a miniscule amount of 'this movie was fun to make' so it's not utterly excruciating like Borderlands The Movie

[@WIldXIII]

It lacks heart, but has Hart.

[@radfoxuk8113]

@@WIldXIII Congratulations the Hart transplant was a success! Hah, I'M SO SHORT!!! ... Who let dyslexic Dan write the order form?!

[@TheMemeLiker]

that "by kids for kids" type movie really did have a shit load of heart, didnt it? the fuckin' things you learn in hindsight man...

[@NerfPlayeR135]

The kid who played Sharkboy, Taylor Lautner (who lets out a censored "bitch" in the film, by the way) also played Jacob in the Twilight movies. You can't make this shit up.

[@jasonmay5685]

It's funny how Jack Black went from being seen as the savior of the Mario movie to having almost as little dignity as Dwayne Johnson within the space of a year. I get that he has passion and just likes having fun in his roles, but people are starting to realize that he's been playing the same character ever since School of Rock, and it's starting to grate.

[@LeeSixTwenty]

Did he play the same character in the Kung-Fu Panda movies?

[@Shadeogray1113]

Just like Mike Myers. Same one note jokes. Same song and dance we've seen ten thousand times. Where it took longer for Jack Black to turn into a total grease fire.

[@radhinkabagaskara5595]

Firing your life long best friend over a Trump joke will do that for ya

[@LeeSixTwenty]

@@Shadeogray1113 Will Smith, Keanu Reeves, ESPECIALLY THE ROCK also do the same thing as them. Just play themselves.

[@Shadeogray1113]

@@LeeSixTwenty Pretty much the majority of early 2000s actors like Vin Diesel

[@michaelwalsh9616]

hearing the actors describe their roles is painful, you can HEAR it in their voices they had no idea what they er supposed to be

[@crimsondynamo615]

“Just say whatever comes to mind. We’ll surely get some people in the theaters.”

[@LordofSadFac]

Kevin Hart hurted the must. Dude literally doesn't know who his character is, he gave one of the most vague character descriptions i have ever heard in my life, I don't think he even said something specific about it.

[@Meitti]

To be fair they're actors. If they can't pretend to have a real interview, then they can't pretend to be someone else either.

[@vfxninja5503]

​@@Meittidude we get it you hate everyone in the movie more than everyone else, please put your hate-erection away it is small and creepy

[@Sorrelhas]

The Stoklasa test: Describe a character without mentioning abilities, role or appearence, and avoid plot points The depth of the character dictates how long you can go on

[@WarZui]

This will substitute my watch of the actual movie. Civvie just cockblocked Randy's wallet

[@Goo5eman]

This. All of this

[@MorkiMoo]

Real and true.

[@JohnnyBurnes]

I'm pretty sure Randy fucks his wallet.

[@jesseking1403]

Civvie here looking out for all of us

[@nobodyinparticular9640]

No need to watch the actual trash movie when this video's funnier, shorter, and goes straight to the point, lol

[@DarthVader-mx9rm]

Am working at a movie theater and when this came out unsurprisingly pretty much nobody wanted to see it. Attendance was extremely low. Literally had a guy say he knew the movie was terrible and only wanted to see it for something to laugh at. Genuinely the only thing people were excited about when it came to this movie was the admittedly top notch Claptrap popcorn bucket

[@Civvie11]

I hope the popcorn bucket was silent.

[@flooku987]

​@@Civvie11ap-sap-like not good™

[@LeeSixTwenty]

How do you screw up a Borderlands movie? Couldnt they get someone like James Gunn or Robert Rodriguez or something?

[@Assimandeli]

@@LeeSixTwenty I'd rather ask; "why turn Borderlands into a movie?" I know that the only reason to turn a piece of fiction from one media to another is money, but Borderlands feels like a pretty odd choice to me. The game is just about shooting things while characters spout unfunny jokes. I don't think there's that much there to begin with and it's going to be costly if you want the film to look like the game. The timing doesn't feel right either. Maybe it was a contractual obligation hell.

[@cactuss33ds]

​@@Assimandelithe movie should've been about Cate Blanchett trading another vault hunter for a hacked weapon and ending the movie in 25 minutes.

[@KalHimself]

"This isn't a Battleborn movie. People will actually remember this one." Civvie with the sick burns as usual.

[@crack4184]

Wished Battleborn didn't die so soon. Seemed promising

[@datonkallandor8687]

@@crack4184 It had much better writing that Borderlands. A much better balance of serious and wacky.

[@drivanradosivic1357]

There are videos about Battleborn,, plus the official Battleborn Boot camp trailer gives a good run down of the game, plus the MadLads from the Battleborn Community made a mod that lets you play the game offline. That said, out of the Three Major May 2016 releases, Magnificent and Metal Doom and Fun Hilarious and underated Battleborn were my choices. IF Gearbox was smart, they would relaunch Battleborn with a offline mode for Story and PVP VS Bots, with server hosting for Story mode COOP and PVP, and a PROPER Free2Play version called Battleborn Shareware Edition with the Dojo, Prologue Chapter 1 and a random chapter plus PVP, plus random Battleborn's Crew rotation as a surefire way to compete now in the Hero Shooter games Market as a FPS MOBA with a story mode.

[@crack4184]

@@KalHimself The biggest issue with Battleborn is that it couldn't compete at the time against Paladins, Overwatch and Team Fortress 2's newest updates (oh god it was that long ago)

[@samthecreeper5466]

Randy Pitchford is so greasy that they kept having to clean all the film equipment every time he stepped into and out of the studio

[@samuelleury4657]

That’s why there was so much cgi. Less props and sets less clean up time.

[@ExaltedArchvile]

Oooh, so that's where the budget went

[@segarallychampionship702]

randy's so greasy the camera crew had to put rain covers over the cameras even though everything was shot indoors randy's so greasy they couldn't shoot on film even if the directors wanted to

[@danieldorn2927]

Imagine going to the bathroom and you see Randy coming out of it. You think, it cant be that bad, what the netizens of the internet say. But then you sit on the toilet, and you almost slip off of it, as if someone put Vaseline over the whole seat.

[@Arkuzian]

Out of all the ways to find out about an upcoming bioshock movie, this has got to be the most depressing way.

[@EnclaveSOC-102]

Yeah, I am NOT looking forward to a Bioshock movie.

[@thehypest6118]

I felt my stomach viscerally sink

[@emetanti]

...The WHAT?!

[@jaydamalley3398]

Gore Verbinski, of Pirates of the Caribbean/The Ring fame, was supposed to make one. That one could have been promising.

[@acetrigger1337]

...i was jumpscared by the mention of a Naruto Movie, that shit will bomb harder than the Avatar one.

[@TheSoulHarvester]

Can't believe Luigi walked out of a movie about killing a CEO, that's a bad review.

[@0GuruCS]

This whole movie is a sewer

[@RomanvonUngernSternbergnrmfvus]

This should have started by adding to the sewer count

[@shoopusdawhoopus]

*DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING*

[@TacosAreWizard]

*zombie groans*

[@vee-bee-a]

+100 to the count!

[@SpecShadow]

Troma Seal of Approval

[@theicepickthatkilledtrotsk658]

Few modern-day review shows have a full blown antagonist like Randy is to Civvie.

[@pontiusporcius8430]

Or capstone.

[@theicepickthatkilledtrotsk658]

@@pontiusporcius8430 The difference is Capstone is not on the loose like Randy is.

[@emetanti]

@@theicepickthatkilledtrotsk658 Or as actively malicious/predatory.

[@giuwahdangelo102]

He's Civvie's own Bat Credit Card

[@TheSoulreaper6000]

Yeah capstone at least died ​@pontiusporcius8430

[@galaxycamerata]

Claptrap is made to be obnoxious, but the first three games, they counterbalance that by: 1: Making the vast majority of them genuinely harmless stooges who were basically an Alexa on a unicycle incapable of genuine malice, so they just mindlessly ape what a corporate engineer removed from humanity thinks a happy, easygoing and agreeable person is like. 2: Making it clear the main one is like that because he's been alive long enough to become a socially awkward neurotic wreck who has an enormous backburner piled high with burnt and charred emotional problems and inadequacy issues he had to put aside, but is in the process a more genuine form of happy, easygoing and agreeable person.

[@walternelson2687]

Playing all Claptraps splitscreen in the Prequel was one hell of an experience.

[@polygonvvitch]

Also you get to make them suffer a little once in a while to take out your anger on them. Not too much that it gets creepy, but enough to get that revenge.

[@hoodedman6579]

I didn't mind them much in the first game (the only one I played extensively), possibly because they always handed out inventory upgrades.

[@slifer1178]

If I sound happy about this, I'm not! I'm really quite depressed!

[@friendformationbot]

claptrap was a carbon copy of GIR from invader zim, thats why he was still kind of funny in the games. taking away the GIR voice and delivery and line writes makes his character finally entirely pointless

[@johntiseo7052]

16:22 "The skeletonized body of Dr. Melanie Turner was found in a forest near London only a few days after this conversation."

[@spenceduggs]

Holy shit, deep cut

[@flooku987]

Dr mendez

[@itsuadman]

Its the magic of the druids!

[@adriandrost4823]

Time for my weekly rewatch

[@SirSaladhead]

This movie was quite the Salt arc.

[@DrNiradino]

"Luigi get all the perks" What do you expect? His brother is connected to royalty. It's a wonder that he ended in a prison to begin with.

[@thefidgetspinnerofdoom]

I refuse to believe that "I can move stuff with my freaking mind" is something that I've seen in more than one work of fiction. God is dead, and we killed him with our freakin' minds.

[@cairox1509]

You made me remember, you monster!

[@Reynsoon]

@@cairox1509 Ah, Fartspoken. I remember when we thought that was the name of the upcoming FFXIV expansion. Little did we know, Forspoken would be more like the next expansion than we could ever believe.

[@JeremyForTheWin]

Strauss Zelnick is the CEO of Take Two Interactive, btw (not sure if you knew that and didnt mention...)

[@Civvie11]

That makes sense. He doesn't belong.

[@JeremyForTheWin]

@Civvie11 he's the money, i assume

[@hoilst265]

@@Civvie11 He actually sounds like a better Borderlands villain than most Borderlands villains.

[@ZaGorudan]

Calling Claptrap a "Pain Homunculus" is surprisingly nice.

[@ClearSkiesGM]

Lemmy Kilmister would be disgusted by knowing his song is in this filth.

[@zoekm]

Nah, if they paid him enough he wouldn't care.

[@CameronKilgore]

Lemmy is dead I don't think he's gonna care no more. Kobalt, though?

[@reloadpsi]

Alien Romulus destroyed this at the box office. Take that, Randy.

[@theaestheticcactus7889]

To be fair, Alien Romulus was sooooooo good

[@BigBlokeSeanyPops]

That's karma for making alien colonial marines

[@rudorlf3441]

​@@theaestheticcactus7889A bit too on-the-nose with some of the call-backs, but yeah, it made me slightly hopeful of the franchise itself.

[@Savagem8]

No, thats karma for robbing Colonial Marines for what it could've, should've, and was advertised to be​@BigBlokeSeanyPops

[@stefanforrer2573]

@@theaestheticcactus7889 what? it was a plothole riddled shitshow with a bunch of meaningless fanservice thrown in... and further proof that fede alvarez is a complete hack

[@dividedby1024]

The use of Pantera's "Fucking Hostile" for the Jack Trap bit was great.

[@mr.e8566]

hearing Civvie's laugh at Knoxx's death is hilarious, haven't heard him genuinely laugh like that since the Pro Postal episode where he earns the achievement by interrupting Krotchy

[@ThePrinceofElPaso]

Personally I don’t think Kevin is lying. I think he really did give his Roland a serious and kinda deep backstory, and then no one cared or did any bing with it, including the writers.

[@stefanforrer2573]

what writers? eli roth "reworked" the script and the previous writer wanted his name removed.... and calling eli roth a writer is an insult to actual writers

[@ThePrinceofElPaso]

@@stefanforrer2573 true, i meant to say including Chatgpt

[@Icewallowcome012]

Could be but to me it's funnier if I imagine him as a apathetic short-stack who's willing to take almost any script cause why not

[@123rpriest]

Craig Mazen is truly an enigma. Chernobyl feels you're eating something made by a master chef and then realize it was made by someone who worked at Denny's.

[@RiveTheRat]

You gotta start at the bottom to be good at what you are when you're on top

[@flooku987]

​@@RiveTheRatyeah but it's usually not in reverse

[@SOBEKCrocodileGod]

@@RiveTheRatit’s more like a rollercoaster zigzagging between ups and downs

[@Lucios1995]

I thought Craig Mazin only wrote like the first draft or something?

[@CameronKilgore]

Craig had his name REMOVED from the movie years ago. That was the first sign this was going nowhere.

[@Too-Be-Decided]

'I love meth but I've never been able to make it.' immediately cutting to an exploding house absolutely took me out I have tears in my eyes

[@NerfPlayeR135]

He failed Rats Day 1.

[@MrCountCrowley]

i heard Kevin wanted to try real acting, but the studio told him:"..No! you do Kevin Hart, Kevin Hart.."

[@TheWaterdog6]

I love that a trailer, a device that is designed for people to watch 1 minute and get hyped and think "Wow, I actually want to see that, it looks Funny/cool/entertaining!" was met with the same reaction as forcing someone to eat wet bread. And then the movie came out and everyone looked at it the same way someone taking a literal dump on a litter of puppies would be received. And everyone who said people were being harsh about this movie were immediately exposed as having more money in their pocket than soul in their body.

[@Speedball57]

Amazing metaphors, you can be our backup Civvie.

[@rosaesposito4235]

Legend sais you don't even need electricity to play the film's tape, just spin it and the grease will do all the work

[@HawkeyePi3rce]

Greaseman Randy is trying to take Uwe Boll's crown

[@zachb8012]

I would be more interested in watching a documentary about how they arrived at the cast of this movie. Did Randy just have a list of actresses from his childhood he thought were attractive?

[@Clockwerk66]

Matt McMuscles’ “What Happun” video on this movie is probably the next best thing for what you’re looking for.

[@bastardluigi]

Same energy as the Cowboy Bebop Live action adaptation

[@crimsondynamo615]

“We’re going to have so many seasons.” **canned after the first season to major critical distain**

[@LeeSixTwenty]

​@@crimsondynamo615Why couldn't they get Quentin Tarantino or Wong Kar-Wai?

[@Theonixco]

There's a short doc from The Badger's Apprentice that makes it abundantly clear that the people making it clearly didn't understand the assignment. Pretty much the same can be said of this pile of shit.

[@P9HL2BETA]

_So it's like a 7, seven and a half movie, which I think would have been fine for a Borderlands movie._ - The Grease

[@PXAbstraction]

Strauss Zelnick isn't a movie producer, he's the CEO of Take-Two, publishers of Borderlands and now owners of Gearbox. Much like Randy, it's a vanity credit only.

[@humanandhalf4118]

At least he didn't post about magic tricks

[@Treblaine]

When you own the rights, you ARE a producer under Hollywood union rules, you're entitled to a producer's credit. A famous case recently James Woods was a producer for Oppenheimer but didn't want to risk the movie being blacklisted so he formally signed away his right to have his name in the credits. Oppenheimer may be based on reality but the structure of the story is taken from a biography that James Woods owned the rights to and I think he commissioned a screenplay based on it as well. If you own the rights you have a lot of sway, like Drew Barrymore owned the movie rights to Charlie's Angels and she vetoed the Angels ever using any firearms. It was her unilateral decision as a condition to lease the IP rights to the movie studio. Producers don't make all the creative decisions but they have to sign off on the overall plan like the script, the director, cast, the budget, etc. they mainly have the power to veto certain aspects like: no poop jokes please.

[@PXAbstraction]

@ That's fascinating info, thanks! Every movie and show has like 15,000 Executive Producers today and so many of them are cast members or people who have other roles, I assumed a lot of that was vanity credits. I'm sure some of them are, but I didn't know you had a right to claim Executive Producer for owning rights.

[@nobodyinparticular9640]

Hope Luigi gets to have a friendly chat with him

[@nobodyinparticular9640]

​@@humanandhalf4118you know he's probably into that stuff as much as any rich cancer out there

[@deathsyth8888]

Here before Randy "Greaseman" Pitchford copyright claims the video.

[@playery2684]

The funniest joke of the movie is releasing and getting beaten in the box office by a new Alien movie

[@rpgs6218]

😂😂😂

[@Mistheart101]

dude I didn't even consider that, that's hilarious

[@MagnitudePerson]

Isn't Alien an HUGE IP though?

[@SpecShadow]

@@MagnitudePerson anything released after Resurrection is awful, terrible garbage despite the budget

[@lorddalek]

"We're Aliens fans!"

[@JustDavenThings]

Krieg actually has a pretty dark story if you look into it. His inner monologue betrays his outer character as he’s still sane on the inside but absolute fucking crazy outside. Edit: this is the game version BTW.

[@meeplesmcmeep3595]

I think my favorite thing about the borderlands movie was the early screening for influencers that they did Oboeshoes got invited and one of the other influencers asked him if borderlands was like elden ring and he said no

[@TheMC1102]

Randy Greaseford himself was overseeing the production of this movie. That should tell you everything you need to know.

[@shadowscone4690]

I looked at the trailer when i was watching Deadpool and Wolverine and instantly said to my friend "That is gonna fucking suck" i could almost see the grease filter

[@SlimBeebo]

I am excited at the absolute HATE FUCKING that I'm about to witness.

[@Chozo_Ghost]

Oh this is gonna be some _GOOD_ slating Plenty of wholesome, family-friendly, below-the-belt stuff.

[@livinghardorhardlyliving8925]

It's family-friendly for a certain percentage of a population that indirectly invented the ridges on a coin

[@voidmayonnaise]

Cate Blanchett, this was beneath you. EDIT: Bobby Lee, Jack Black, and Kevin Hart, this was at your level.

[@vcount6676]

im shocked Jamie Lee Curtis is in this, last time i saw her she was in EEOAO, which is a fantastic movie and she was so good there...

[@WrackPharmd]

It’s amazing to me that all these actors and producers and Eli Roth thought they were making a good movie that gamers wanted to see. The degree that they were completely out of touch is astronomical and matches how I think Greaseball Randy generally operates his company. Also, just Strauss Zelnick…..blech. Oh the bright side, great video as always, Civvie! Happy New Year!

[@tsartomato]

they cut out all the gore

[@stefanforrer2573]

eli roth has always been and will always be a complete hack

[@LuaanTi]

Wait, it's not enough to have costumes that look kind of like in the game? Entitled gamers... :D

[@spoopyro2573]

to be fair if an actor/producer of the movie said something like "yeah this movie is going to be dogshit" publically they'd probably won't be hired by anyone ever again. Just better to roll with the production and say it's amazing rather then risk your career over a bad movie.

[@weirdferretthing]

I have a hard time believing anything that came out of their mouths was said genuinely. They said that stuff because the PR people said they had to and they probably did several takes to make sure it sounded and looked genuine enough to show. There are dozens of cuts where they look dead inside in a folder on some computer somewhere, I just know it.

[@LonelyIslandKid09]

The best thing to ever come out of this movie was when on Booby Lee's podcast, Bad Friends, they crew on the podcast made fake reviews for Bobby Lee to read thinking they were real. Every single one was praising Bobby's perfomance but he was confused because he is in the movie for like 5 minutes. They did tell him they were all fake and everyone laugh.

[@Durdles26]

Those are some early 2000s sci-fi channel dune movie cgi backgrounds right there.

[@sickfit1690]

Civvie finally entering the primordial soup and returning having absorbed his ancestor Mr. Plinkett. You love to see it

[@SkorpionTaa-Ooo]

Bless you Civvie for reminding me how much I love Pantera.

[@balss248]

Hey remember when Randy left his position at gearbox because he got called out on some really nasty stuff I can’t mention here. Then he made a new position for himself for gearbox movies, then it failed, so now he has nothing…yeah crazy dude.

[@nobodyinparticular9640]

Now he has all the time he wants to do all the nasty stuff he loves! 🤮

[@Thrackerzod8]

It feels like everyone involved in this movie was feeling dead inside.

[@catgaeming2025]

most of the cast looks like it will soon die from old age or died after the movie was finished

[@CameronKilgore]

It was apparently subject to reshoots.

[@ratleader90]

Not even worth pirating this thing. The sailors might catch the bloody flux!

[@nobodyinparticular9640]

Here's how you solve piracy, you make something so bad that people don't even want it for free 😂

[@csmadisun]

I am immensely grateful that I now now longer have to watch the ACTUAL film. You're doing the lord's work, 11.

[@nobodyinparticular9640]

Were you gonna watch it in the first place? 😂

[@csmadisun]

...at some point. Just to see how bad it was. And now I don't need to! Huzzah!

[@oz_jones]

11 is as he puts it "good people"

[@perfectsuperchaos7]

Civvie out here betting they wont care enough about this trash fire to copyright claim it. And im here for it.

[@weruinmovies]

YT copyright stuff for movies definitely isn't fun, but damn I wish we got Civvie on movies more often.

[@Turkeyham11]

Hell yeah, Happy New Year Civvie!

[@farbekrieg355]

i like how in the post credits in order to make the borderlands game look fun civvie is 2x the level of his opponents so they arent bullet sponges and die in 1-2 shots

[@Barron198]

After a few beers, I could get through trouble in Frogtown. I couldn’t even get 2min through this movie and I was drunker then the entirety of the continent of Ireland

[@owen3666]

poor jamie lee curtis, she deserved better

[@CAPT6875]

It's known that Eli Roth is really into MILFS and GLIFS. That's why she's in it.😔

[@crimsondynamo615]

I didn’t think she could appear in something worse than Christmas with the Kranks

[@lostsanityreturned]

Did she though, she is a terrible terrible person

[@MagnitudePerson]

@@lostsanityreturned why?

[@rudorlf3441]

Nope, not after her overtly "ALL OF A CERTAIN MIDDLE-EASTERN POPULATION MUST BE ERASED" opinions. Pretty good movie career, but personally not one I would like to be friendly with.

[@hideshisface1886]

PG-13 - the curse of PG-13... The moment when a gun shooting scenes suck... in a movie based of the game that made GUNS one of its main selling points. I mean... Christ. HOW can you screw this up this badly. Borderlands already comes with a plot perfect for a basic, yet satisfying action slop. It is like the creators of these trashy adaptations have some sort of contractual obligation to NOT use the actual plot of the thing they are adapting.

[@woodsmason101]

Thats the neat thing, their contractual obligation is "I can do *thing* better" It's why Last of Us and Fallout work, because 1 follows an already fantastic story that is effectively a movie/TV show already and the other builds off the world while slop like Halo and Borderlands fail because it NEEDS to be the directors own thing, it needs to be their story, and gamers don't know what good story is.

[@simondaniel4028]

fkin love that Mario Bros. movie. great cast, great sets, great music, awful everything else. perfection.

[@OnDavidsBrain]

It honestly wouldn't surprise me if Borderlands turned out this way because some executive took a page from Uwe Boll's book and tried to use this in some Producers scheme. Only this time it worked. Would it really shock you if at some point Jacktrap started doing a rock cover of Springtime for Hitler? Also, as bad as Jacktrap could be, I've seen shows where there's characters who are not only even more stupid and annoying than him, they're also the main characters.

[@crimsondynamo615]

Jack doesn’t have the balls to do springtime for Hitler anymore.

[@fredrickbanks1966]

When the voice actor for claptrap changed between borderlands 2 and 3 I complained and thought it was a bad replacement… …then Jack Black emerged

[@karolkowalski3842]

hell yeah new cv11 I heard Randy is so greasy he could end world energy crisis.

[@OnDavidsBrain]

He's so greasy it's a miracle his clothes stay on him.

[@spacebassist]

Big Thermodynamics doesnt want you to know that self-perpetuating grease can move machines by its ceaseless mitosis Big Grease has its eyes on you too so you better pick which one you think has the shittiest assassins

[@Detective_Doomy]

I KNEW THIS CHANNEL DID MOVIES I'M NOT CRAZY. I swear I also remember him reviewing a movie that was like a weird combo of home alone and die hard. I guess the copyright bots are just that ruthless.

[@balbo-m1y]

I would absolutely love if Joe Crombie becomes the new Alan Smithee

[@larrylaffer3246]

Woah there CV-11 hold your roll, those Sonic films are great. I mean have you seen 3, it had Jim Carrey playing 2 different characters; That's 2X The Jim for 2X The Laughs.

[@ericcockerham671]

I really wish it was Jeffrey Combs playing the other Eggman. Idk why but I have always wanted to see them act together, I feel like their chemistry would be insane. Plus Combs would've killed it as an Gerald Robotnik type.

[@thegodofalldragons]

They're passable children's films and I enjoy them less and less the more people try to convince me they're anything more than that. I mean, this last one doesn't even have as good a script as the game it's based on, and that's not really a compliment to the game.

[@nobodyinparticular9640]

The first one was anything BUT a Sonic movie. It was just your generic "critter from another world ends up in ours" movie. You could've replaced Sonic with ANY character, and the movie would've been the same. Haven't seen the rest, but I can't really imagine they're barely much better than the first.

[@lionocyborg6030]

Damn skippy they’re good movies. They weren’t turning game events into slurry but into hot bowls of priest porridge cooked to perfection by a family friendly flame wall. He’s right about the new Tomb Raider movie though but the two Angelina Jolie ones are awesome like Sonic & the Fallout show.

[@chimerschang]

​​@@thegodofalldragonsTHIS, 1001%. Between the reception of these films and ESPECIALLY Frontiers, I no longer take stock in anything Sonic fans have to say. It's like they're a cult dedicated to reveling in pure mediocrity.

[@pagb666]

Wasn't expecting the sewer count to show up

[@valterbranisarajevo8731]

Whole movie is sewer...

[@CameronKilgore]

I was expecting it to leave, it has dignity.

[@MsfPW89]

This is physically painful. I knew borderlands movie was going to be bad but this is on whole another level

[@Warhopper]

I didn't realize how well your format and hate for Randy would translate to movie reviews, now I know better.

[@InternetHydra]

Thankfully putting up with all those ball-busting often broken DOS games made you hardcore enough to survive this movie.

[@nobodyinparticular9640]

The DOS games are probably more "fun" to play than watching this filth they call "movie" tbh

[@xAutoTx]

Just last week, I watched Rampage for the first time after randomly remembering its existence, and now here Civvie is talking about it.

[@nemtudom5074]

9:27 I respect the guy for being able to talk so much without actually saying anything. It takes real talent to bs your way through situations like these

[@ChrisMortJr.]

Someone probably told randy there would be more kids to ahow his magic tricks if the movie was pg13

[@Themans9875]

Awww YISSS! Greasier than a Pizza quattro formaggi with salami!

[@OnDavidsBrain]

He's so Greasy he could provide Hair Gel for everyone in New Jersey.

[@epichuman3198]

In my device, for this comment, there is an option to “Translate to English”.

[@nickrustyson8124]

Another great use of Ace of Spades is Smoking Aces when they're introducing the characters

[@headman82]

They did not even try to match Clap-traps voice

[@crimsondynamo615]

I guarantee that was Randy’s idea, since he’s a petty little shit who can’t get over him fighting the original claptrap.

[@zoekm]

It's incredibly off-putting.

[@ChrisMortJr.]

Im surprised claptrap wasnt keegan michael keye

[@JKPancake]

The thing that is hurting my brain the most is them trying to say Tina and Lilith's relationship is the emotional core of the movie...Like game wise it is Roland and Tina their relationship is part of what most fans consider the best part of BL2.

[@nobodyinparticular9640]

I imagine it's a mix of "the people working on this didn't knew the original source and didn't care", and "we can't have a man as the protagonist, we gotta make it the woman to attract the 'modern audience' and pretend we care, so we'll make more money that way" sort of thing.

[@ArminAwesome]

For christ's sake, I remember the slog Borderlands was to play, and the gameplay montage still looks more fun than the movie.

[@Snaffdude]

Miscast and destroyed in the editing room. I'm glad we spoke up with our wallets but at what *ahem* cost

[@stefangla6878]

Holy cow, the lengths this man goes to to entertain us is impressive. This is as close to self inflicted torture as it gets. Did they give you anything for the pain? Like a hammer to the head.

[@Kubal-cain]

Any m rated game that has a pg-13 movie adaptation is doomed on arrival.

[@youguyslikekof9976]

Claptrap wasn’t intentionally annoying and weirdly charming enough to be added to Poker Night 2 just for him to be voiced by Jack Black

[@Icewallowcome012]

Song at 13:20 when that amazingly written character known as "Claptrap" is introduced?

[@MittensOnly]

FUCKING HOSTILE!

[@Chromatic_Death]

"Fucking Hostile" by Pantera, off of Vulgar Display of Power. Saw this comment pop up on my suggested comments on my phone and scrolled through all of them to find it 😅

[@aguy2735]

I commented with a timestamp (pantera is badass) and almost answered but it seems someone already did. I'm still baffled on how he was able to use/liscence it.

[@Icewallowcome012]

@@Chromatic_Death Much appreciated

[@Speedball57]

"Jamie Lee Curtis, at gunpoint" oh boy, hahaha

[@IAmHoTSHoTzz]

It says something, that the only scene that didn't feel phoned in, was Lilith's vomit scene.

[@reptilez13]

Theory goes when they had to change it from R to PG13 a ton of editing was done, reshoots among other stuff. Budget got used up, plus the rest of the clusterfuck it was and now you have crappy action and paper CGI rabbit-bombs. Also sorry about your leg. Or femur. Or whatever.

[@fromvault801]

Not sure but this comes off as Roth just being a director for hire to get funding for Thanksgiving

[@oz_jones]

Allegeldly it was supposed to be true(r) to the source material by being a gore-fest but suits meddled and made it a pg-13.

[@kyon813]

Civvie, please! April Fool's is still two-and-a-half months away!

[@HamSlammer456]

Goddamnit Pantera! You will respect your stepmother! Now go mow the lawn!

[@tairyu2574]

The siren being a “twist” really is funny to think about 😂.

[@BaldingSasquatch]

Eli Roth has never made a good movie in his entire "Career", which he wholly owes to Tarantino, btw. If they weren't buddies he'd be another schlub working in a deli like the rest of us. his greatest contribution to film was the character Donny "Bear Jew" Donowitz from Inglorious Basterds

[@SOBEKCrocodileGod]

I disagree (I liked Cabin Fever, the Hostel movies, and Thanksgiving), but I definitely see why someone would dislike every single movie I enjoyed by him and he has more bad than good imo lol

[@Dung30n]

Id say that at least Knock Knock had some decent eye candy. Yes, I totally mean Keanu.

[@ruscfox]

Truthfully, Thanksgiving was a lot of fun. Serious, funny, and well done all around had a blast watching it. That and Cabin Fever are my go-to Eli Roth fun movies

[@skimrizzle9598]

inglorious basterds was 100% pure cringe

[@Brainwave101]

Even then Eli was only in that movie because they couldn't get Adam Sandler to play The Bear.

[@nonya1366]

-Holy shit, jack black was The All American Patriot from Mar's Attacks? Didn't recognize him. Ironically added more street cred to jack black, and removed it from 'Rush the alien with a graverobbed american rifle in the "hope spot" '

[@JeremyForTheWin]

Ok youve convinced me. I will go watch Strange Days again.

[@TheGreatBaronOBeefDip]

I was thinking the same thing, such a great movie.

[@JeremyForTheWin]

@@TheGreatBaronOBeefDip lt holds up though it's about 20 minutes too long

[@masterpills]

As soon as I saw Kevin Hart in the commercial I knew this wasn't going to be a good movie.

[@Soldado94aliasUnit594]

I hope I can watch more movie reviews, the only thing we can do most of the time is expect game reviews or any Professional Something Something.

[@Doctorolivercook]

I knew it. That title says it all. It's a colossal middle finger of a gift for Greasy ol' RANDY BO BANDY.