Greg Davies - Nicknames - Royal Variety Performance 2011

Greg Davies doing stand-up at the royal variety performance 2011 on nicknames

[@XaosInDarkness]

My primary school nickname was Crystal-Clear Waters, simply because my name is Chris and I once pointed out that the water in a puddle was a bit murky

[@isaacdodshon4759]

XaosInDarkness genius

[@qsy190]

Oh God... I'm crying...

[@SmegulonPrime]

No

[@wideawakeclubspiritualawak8286]

Creased with laughter. 🤪🤪🤣🤣

[@TheMrB]

BRILLIANT 😁😁😁😁

[@KusKus1987]

I was called Brick-ass for five years, because on the first day of school, whilst waiting for a class, I sat on a brick wall.

[@eta2670]

Brick Asstley

[@garethpilcher8699]

At least you didn't brick it

[@susannefitzpatrick9955]

That's brilliant.

[@catbreath007]

Girl in my class was nicknamed "SummerBum" - Her surname was ..... Winterbottom 😊

[@Luubelaar]

Australian race car driver Mark Winterbottom's nickname is "frosty bum".

[@nomad7358]

My friend at school was called banana garden his surname was appleyard 😂

[@eansba88-]

Yall didn't go for "chilly cheeks"?

[@gyroscope915]

Not summerfront

[@SmegulonPrime]

No she wasn't

[@tomohawk5567]

I was called Taf at school for 6 years, not because I'm Welsh but because I'm fat and the teacher told the other kids to stop teasing me by calling me fat so they rearranged the letters.

[@LORDUnLuCkY13]

Sorry that happened to you but that is pretty fucking creative

[@redflag8055]

That hurts aha

[@andyw102]

That's genius

[@wideawakeclubspiritualawak8286]

Creased from laughing, bless your heart man. 🙈🙈🤣🤣

[@nealhalfpenny415]

This is fxxking GOLD 🤣

[@Loosehead]

Guy I knew, had a stutter and was called "donkey" by his friend. "Why does he call you donkey"? "I don't know, he aw..he aw..he always called me that"

[@bojan705]

Im legit crying tears of joy, thank you.

[@diptastik5651]

Old Billy Connolly joke

[@beady0081]

I bet that nickname gave him a long face

[@susannefitzpatrick9955]

That's funnier than any of Greg's!!! Well done you.

[@TomsGoingHAM]

My favourite nicknames two were told to me by my dad: 1) Lukewarm because his real name was Perry Hott 2) Bungalow because “he didn’t have a lot upstairs”

[@crinbob]

My surname is Forsyth. In 2002 Oasis brought out their album Heathen Chemistry. On that album there is a song called Force of Nature. One of my friends started calling me Forsyth-of-nature. That evolved into Nature Reserve and now I'm just known as Nature.

[@alancoo]

It's funny how this stuff sticks. A guy I work with is nicknamed "Briefcase." Because he turned up to work with a briefcase. Once. About fifteen years ago.

[@jamesroach1180]

Awh Briefcase! 🥺 lol

[@sarahwatkins4520]

@James Cook "Briefcase wanker" lol.

[@beady0081]

@@sarahwatkins4520 haha came here to write that but you beat me to it

[@TheRealTacoJohn]

What in the inbetweeners fuck

[@hughbichair]

Mine was given to me by a Russian guy 10 years ago, who legitimately asked me during football training "How do you pronounce your name? Is it Huge Cumball?" I'm still named it today

[@nathaniel2026]

I gave myself one. I saw a person with four eyes and I killed her ...

[@arina71997]

hugh campbell my mom is Russian 🤣🤣 I'd never pronounce your name like that, but that was so funny!

[@vaclav_fejt]

I used to be called "feťák" (a junkie) at some point (a play on my surname), but most of the time the bullies were content with my first name

[@GeorgiaGeorgette]

That's absolutely brilliant 😂

[@hninzilwin3288]

A guy in college was called "can't fit in the coffin". He was tall.

[@ruby_wired]

I had a friend called Connor who joined our school a few years later than most, and nobody could remember his name when he first started, so we made up a new one for him and it stuck for 5 years. I'll always be sorely disappointed he doesn't still introduce himself as Barry today.

[@echognomecal6742]

Goodness! Is That why my coworker told us that everyone "just calls him Barry"...no reason?!

[@kierajones4230]

my friend Georgina has been called Gerald for the last 6-7 months because she read Gerald's lines for 'An inspector calls' once.

[@marliquinn7569]

I really wanna meet Sat-Nav!! She sounds amazing!! XD

[@DanGolag]

That's exactly what I thought. She should have her own sitcom.

[@RacingAtHome]

It would work so well.

[@jordandurham8951]

She’s probably stood in a cupboard somewhere...

[@JDsMovieZone]

@@DanGolag the character of Karen in Man Down is based on her; Greg has explained since too that it was with her blessing.

[@TheNic81]

And me!!! She sounds fantastic

[@DKDexter999]

WHYYYYYYYYYYY has Greg Davies not told us about her on Would I Lie To You? ???? Hell, she could be the mystery guest!

[@GiratinaofFury]

Assuming she can even find the studio.

[@echognomecal6742]

@@GiratinaofFury This comment is just So wrong & so right.

[@LaneyStudios5]

My nickname for a while was 'Spare Beds', I wear size 12 (uk size) shoes, and one day at a house party some guy I'd only met that night came up to me and said, "Can I borrow one of your shoes?", I said "What do you want one of my shoes for?", and he replied "Because the bed's taken", some people overheard this, and for a few months I had nothing but "Spare Beds boy", "How's it going Beddy?", "Coming bowling, Spare?"

[@GR-kw1es]

I have the same size feet lol and my dad calls me canoe feet and boat feet. Also the age old family joke of borrowing one of my shoes when we are near water so they can go for a paddle about.

[@nazul9502]

5 years later this has me dead

[@bush_wookie_9606]

Had a mate called Wayne Bruce so his nickname was Manbat

[@josephdolman]

I wonder what the real Karen Powell thinks about her former drama teacher telling this story in his comedy routines

[@somedudewatchintv5297]

If this reaction to being locked in a closet for an hour was at all accurate I think she'll be fine.

[@phantomnite]

She probably found it hilarious

[@McKavian]

He probably changed her name to Karen Powell in stead of usinger her real name. Unless he got her permission.

[@tanyabaldwin910]

Joseph Dolman I went to school with someone called Karen Powell 😂😂

[@DavidLPeel]

Because my surname is Peel my school nickname was the unimaginative Peelie. Then one day in 3rd year biology, we were studying the body's central nervous system and for some reason our teacher, Mr Prosser, told us that the catfish has 7 main nerves and in the correct order spell out the acronym RIMGREF. I started laughing, because I thought it sounded ridiculous, and one of the guys gave me the nickname RIMGREF that lasted until we left school 2 years later.

[@adamryan977]

My teacher did something similarly. He looked at us, said goodbye to us (3-4 pupils) while we were packing our bags, went through the door and locked us in. After knocking on the door for a few minutes his wife ( also a teacher in the school) opened the door with the words: Did my husband locked pupils in AGAIN....AGAIN....apparently it was a regular thing for him.

[@TheUntitled100]

I was very briefly known as 'Three Buttons' during year 7 because my blazer was the only one that had three buttons rather than the usual two.

[@ceznajacob8215]

I have been looking for the girl locked in the closet story. It never fails to make me laugh ever since I've heard this from one of greg's show around 2015 HAHA 🤣

[@richard760]

Slightly weird as he once claimed Karen Powell was a girl he got off with in the 80s. Hope that's a generic name he's using

[@ceznajacob8215]

@@richard760 really?? which one is that? I dont think I've heard that before. but it might be a generic name, i noticed that he frequently uses "tony" as an alias for stories involving his mates

[@richard760]

@@ceznajacob8215 it was on 8 out of 10 cats ages ago. He said it was a girl he went with and she let him do everything. I agree it's just a name he uses but when he said he locked her in the cupboard my ears pricked up. 😆

[@LolaofAr]

you have -no- idea how many times I have watched this today for the Karen story. I am laughing SO much. "Hello Sir! I'm rather afraid I have! Don't you apologise to me, I only have my self to blame. I will see you later!" Hahahahaha

[@pauliejay4161]

I wonder what's become of Sat Nav? It's people like her that make the world a great place.

[@tamaraturford7482]

I went to school with a similar girl, thought water made her drunk and was convinced there were paparazzi following her. Bizarrely she owns her own millinery now.

[@g13flat]

@@tamaraturford7482 Well hats off to her for having her own millinery.

[@Amcor09]

She got lost

[@ShipsKat]

Maybe, after a cosmic 180°, only SHE, knows where she is!?!

[@no1raniuk854]

She grew up to become Ellen MacArthur.

[@SuperGhostsRus]

There was a girl in my school who everyone called salmon head. In year 7 someone threw a sandwich across the dining hall and it hit her in the face. The sandwich had fallen apart slightly and the buttered side with the salmon, stuck to her face. When she pulled it off, the salmon remained. Everyday until the last day of year 11, everyone knew her as salmon head.

[@Parodox306]

I've a friend named Ryan. People call him Dale. Kids he knew from his school, people from his home town, kids he didn't know from completely different schools he'd never been to. Everyone just saw him as "Dale" and he rolled with it ever since.

[@TownFooger]

When I was little I thought my dad's nickname from his friends was 'scro' as in rhyming with 'grow'. Turns out they were saying Scrote. My dad's nickname is Scrotum. I don't know why and I don't want to know why.

[@WorkingClassZombie]

Hahaha. My dad has a mate who's nickname is 'Horse...'

[@Michelle-wr7fi]

TownFoo

[@lantaHawks]

Is your dads name Tom... as in. Scro tom

[@allaussietraveller9879]

I've got a mate called Scrote because he punctured his scrotum on a barbed wire fence in a motorbike accident as a kid. He's 38 now.

[@eclaire_x88x]

Omg Karen Powel makes me die 🤣🤣 the best thing about having been a teacher is kids are fucking funny, every teacher has a list of anecdotes like this they are amazing.

[@neilcam]

I can not get enough of this video. I just keep rewatching it . Just makes me laugh!

[@kylorian7464]

I only had two nicknames at school and one of them wasnt even my fault. I got called lasagne for a year and a half because a teacher couldnt pronounce my name and the other was Mashy because i accidentally spelt my surename wrong on a test which was pretty dumb considering i was 14 at the time and my friend happen to glance over my shoulder.

[@susannefitzpatrick9955]

The Janitor at my office building was a slick guy - early 50's, divorced, wore a massive medallion on his hairy chest and chased anything with a pulse. His nickname was 'donkey' and he thought it was because of his se*ual prowess. I nearly laughed my kidneys up when I was told the real reason for his nickname was because his name was Don and he had the KEY to the building!!!

[@Manguskahn]

Lurch. I may or may not have answered a phone call with "you rang?"

[@olliehussey64]

My dad’s nickname at his old workplace in Hereford was ‘Nobby’ because his boss used to say it down the phone to him randomly if he was trying to think of something. At my old cub scouts, there was a lad called Alex who, completely out of the blue, was called Pineapple by somebody. It still makes me laugh a little bit because it has absolutely no connection to his name and yet nobody referred to the kid by his real name for 5 years through cubs and scouts - even the new kids who weren’t around when the joke began. Another little kid was called Boris for years after a scouting visit to our local fire station. A fireman asked him a question by referring to him as Boris without asking his name first and it stuck. In conclusion, nicknames are fucking weird but hilarious.

[@joemarkham5142]

My brother has a colleague at work who looks like the Only Fools and Horses character 'gary'. Nobody in the office knew his name, so they all started referring to him as gary. This went on for so long that old staff left and new staff came in, and he was still known as gary by almost everyone. It only came to light when, in a meeting with a senior staff member, they referred to him as gary in the q&a bit and he was like 'who's gary?'.

[@upscaleadsagency]

'Alright Dave...' comes to mind

[@ausomeaspie]

I love this entire thing so so much! I was once accidentally locked in the classroom by my IT teacher. And some of the kids shut me in the cupboard of the drama studio.

[@lilyscarisbrick9633]

Well that sounds horrible😢 I'm sorry those kids did that to you!

[@allyoneill6567]

I was home-schooled...so I never really got a nick name....unless "wake the fuck up" counts...or.."Help me up the stairs, I'm drunk", or "your sister is your mother". Hmm.

[@edd4875]

Brilliant 😀👌

[@nathanblindt]

Norfolk born and bred by any chance?

[@snifferrr]

@@nathanblindt norfolk born and inbred i think you mean

[@thegreatherox]

My nickname is Atún, Spanish for Tuna fish, simply because when I was in elementary school about 21 years ago someone in my class decided to give us all food-based nicknames that sounded a little bit like our names, my parents heard some kids from class call me that once and it's stuck.

[@jackmceleny5372]

My name was "Prosthetic Leg" because I went to a P.E lesson with a bandage on my knee and people thought that had a prosthetic leg. My leg is completely fine and not prosthetic.

[@jackmceleny5372]

Hahahahah looking back on this 3 years I think was called prosthetic leg for about a month and am now nicknameless

[@sandoumir4348]

@@jackmceleny5372 I think you will remember it best when you finally realise this was never a nickname with all 4 of the syllables in it but just something people mentioned a few times as part of 'does he / do you really have a...' and you just thought you would sound interesting in the whole: my nickname was- discussion.

[@jackmceleny5372]

@@sandoumir4348 why was your nickname discussion?

[@richard6440]

@@jackmceleny5372 because he tells everyone :)

[@pete92a]

One lad fell down the middle of the staircase - (4 stories!!!!) He was in intensive care for a good 3 months. Afterwards he couldn’t take part in contact sports because he was too frail. He got called Bendit for the rest of school.

[@tashiwangdu4747]

my friend was/is still called ''Mango'' cause someone pointed out to us in the 1st grade that his head was mango-shaped.... People pretend not to know his real name just to piss him off !!!

[@livedandletdie]

+Tashi wangdü I have a friend we called Mango, but for another reason, He was a bit strange so we called him Mongo, but then one friend said it wrong and since then he was called Mango. I'm not gonna tell people why some people call me Alice... as a guy.. but it's the fault of an American guy.

[@tashiwangdu4747]

The Major lol... you bought it up Alice... share the story now ^^

[@daftpant5]

@@livedandletdie you gonna tell this story or what lad?

[@alexkurtbaker94]

My nickname I’m primary school was “house head” because apparently, according to my friends, I had a weird shaped square head..

[@pete92a]

A girl at secondary school was called 9 iron from the first week until the end of school 5 years later, because of her incredibly skinny legs & big clumpy new school shoes - which obviously made her look like a golf club! 😂

[@criley7755]

Surely that'd make her "3 Wood"

[@skilletborne]

@@criley7755 Famously, small children know all the golf clubs designations It's a high octane, accessible, and child friendly sport

[@sparkkle2]

My name is Apple now, but it used to be Applesucks. When I played WoW as a kid, I had a rogue named Applesauce (she used to be Sparkkle, hence the name on here). I was friends with a bunch of folks who did hard core raiding, so they would carry me. I just didn't realize how much they carried me. I didn't have a DPS meter. I just spammed Sinister Strike and Eviscerate because, according to everyone, "All rogues have to do is stand there and they're top of the charts." I should mention that I was Subtlety spec at the time. Folks kept calling me Applesucks, I thought it was a cute nickname, like a jokey little nickname. After a year and a half, I finally get a DPS meter, and go into Kara. Typically, at this point in the game, average starting DPS for Kara was ~2k DPS. I was doing 400. Four Hundred Damage Per Second. I was doing less than the tanks. I quickly realized, it was not a jokey little nickname. Even four years later, when FL came out, and I had switched to my warrior, even briefly becoming the top SMF warrior on my server, everyone was calling me fucking Applesucks. Even my own mother, who has zero context for it whatsoever, except the time she overheard it on Vent, calls me goddamn Applesucks. My fucking niece and nephews call me Applesucks. It won't go away.

[@ampz1466]

My nickname was also Apple. Totally different story though.

[@SeventhEve]

Don't feel too bad. I played a rogue and got great dps, but the reason is that you have to read all the sites to learn the rotations in the current meta. Not much fun in that, nor skill.

[@echognomecal6742]

I have to admit I don't really follow much of what's said here, but when it comes to hard *core* raiding, it's practically essential to have an Apple. *ba-dun-tsss @@ampz1466 if your stories were the same, that'd be beyond extraordinary. ...but did you have to leave us hanging? Like an apple off a tree? I'll see myself out.

[@LadySwampster]

Knew a guy at work called Sprocket. Found out years later he used to be into motorbikes and was flying home on his bike one day with a box of spare parts strapped to the back seat. Ended up in a collision where the back of the bike flicked up catapulting him over a hedge and into a field. Ended up with a sprocket wheel sticking out of his left butt cheek like a ninja star

[@kailavanderwielen3588]

that is....amazing. I hope he had a swift and thorough recovery and found his nickname quite amusing!

[@twig0the0wonder0kid]

I just plain love him.

[@alancoo]

On "Gandhi," Back in the politically incorrect mid-1980s, a kid at my school earned himself the nickname Gandhi after once peeing himself during PE (sports / gym). The logic being, Gandhi also wore a nappy (diaper).

[@loisw4]

my boyfriend was one on his pupils and when we were at school he would always tell me about him. i think i actually screamed when i saw him on inbetweeners!!

[@GuyinZhongguo]

Lad in my year got called 'GAF' all through school, heard it was 'cos it was an acronym for 'Gay and Fat,' but I've no idea. 😂

[@chocobosage]

I love this guy, my new comedy hero!!

[@TipsyRiver]

My best friend has been called Jesus by everybody except his mother for the past 7 years. Since he was 13 he had a full grown beard and long, black curly hair. One day me and my friends got really drunk and Jesus got outside the pub and started yelling "Where is the Mohican", referring to me cause of my haircut. A friend pulled out his phone and started recording Jesus trying to find me while I was right behind him sleeping leaned onto a tree. This went on for more than 5 minutes. So the video got around school and the nickname stayed with me ever since, even though I've had a mohawk for only 3 months in my life.

[@RacingAtHome]

I had a similar friend.

[@NormanMatchem]

That's HILARIOUS! I hope that's a true story and not just something cooked up for the routine. The acting out of Gandhi's reveal of his nickname though, good laugh at that.

[@annother3350]

I reckon it was largely true

[@headingley72]

NormanMatchem The Gandhi line was true I was at that gig it was in Birmingham and he asked the Audience to shout out there nicknames.

[@NickAnnies]

Absolutely class...brilliant.

[@raekipling4429]

you're my favourite pupil... BECAUSE YOU MAKE ME LAUGH MY HEAD OFF!

[@themanwithinflatableknees8770]

some of these have had me in stitches. one lad at our school had a tiny willy seen in the changing room. he was called rumple foreskin for yeeeeeears

[@dreampal1877]

There’s one guy in our town who is a born again Christian who has the nickname Isiah because one eye is higher than the other

[@redrulz123]

Im glad how his career has improved over the years

[@clothilde1623]

A boy in my big sister’s class once farted in primary school and became known as Guff. He’s nearly 50 now with a brood of his own kids and is STILL called Guff. I don’t think most people even know his real first name (I certainly don’t). We also had a teacher with a glass eye and he was known to all the kids he ever taught as Popeye. Savage but admittedly witty.

[@shockwave_datafiles8099]

Mine was given to me by most teachers at my prep school. It has stuck for almost 10 years now and my friends keep adding to it.

[@newmie01]

one of the funniest sets I have ever seen.

[@Yuiiski-]

I had a nickname in Army Cadets when I was a kid, they called me "Goldfish", because my memories is utterly terrible and still is to this day.

[@charlotteadams2770]

Birth name: Charlotte Charlotte -> Char This then turned into Char Char Binx (and later just Binx) (and I don’t even like Star Wars) and Cup-Of-Char

[@ThatCoalSoul]

I gave pretty much everyone in the overall group in music college nicknames, some of them still use those names today.

[@SmokeyBarrellVideos]

I used to get called "no xbox" because my mum grew her own vegetables. She made me a pasta with them for my lunch one day and the other kids thought that that made me poor. p.s I did have an xbox

[@ShortMan_123]

haha brilliant

[@daniellamcgee4251]

@@ShortMan_123 Really? Seems the total opposite to me.

[@ringo7118]

My nickname was between two names one was cheesestring the other was G-String because when on a school trip I ate a cheese string on the bus literally that's a the reason and G-String because my name is Graeme and I ate a cheese string on the bus so they put G instead of cheese. That name followed me for 3 years until all the people who still called me it left school.

[@morpheos111]

My nickname is "mustache" because of an incident when I was in my early teens. Me and a few of my friends went to the cinema to see an R-rated movie. My friends were caught and thrown out, but I got in, because at the time I had grown a really douchy little mustache that made me look older.

[@QuorkEx]

Off to see Greg on tour in December, can't wait.

[@heyysimone]

I love Greg Davies

[@DeanMoxley87]

I love the fact it's mainly the men you can hear laughing at the Nicknames

[@MrTrigun1]

I work at a gas station and we have dozens of everyday regulars. Problem is, we don't know their names, so we give them nicknames. Most are simple and based on what they always buy like Mountain Dew Guy, Sonoma Guy, ect ect, but here are a few gems: Peg Leg Ashley Crack Hoe Wendy Florida John Whistling Mike Car Fire David Firefighter Barbie Chicago Guy Bacon No Arm Mcgee No Arm Mcgee Jr And of course, Candy Stealing Black Boy. Sounds more racist than it is. Mine is Muffin.

[@30071997kario]

Its the little things in life that you treasure.

[@MrTrigun1]

30071997kario So very true. Most of the names I listed have either moved away, died or gotten locked up. I still spread their legend.

[@monochromeboi267]

I was nicknamed "Uniball pen" for 10 years (I still am) because I had a nut removed a few years ago and am quite tall and thin.

[@Cpt50Caliber]

MrTrigun1 Firefighter Barbie, is she, dare I say.....hot?

[@MrTrigun1]

Surprisingly not.

[@PaManga8]

I LOVE HIM ALL THE WORLD TBH

[@SamLoinsLyon]

My favourite from my youth was a boy we called Saucepan. The only reason was that he had a massive head that could have resembled a saucepan.

[@sarahwatkins4520]

I had a boy in my year group called Tigger, purely because he had ginger hair. And I was at college with someone who eventually got the nickname Box, because his surname rhymes with cardboard.

[@jonathanrowe3072]

Row, row, row your boat: every fucking day...

[@csgollum]

Wow! He's certainly had an interesting teaching career!

[@becf7491]

I am weeping with laughter

[@langdalepaul]

For a while I was called “donkey jacket trousers shoes scarf”, because I once wore a donkey jacket and a scarf with (unsurprisingly) trousers and shoes. This wasn’t at primary school, but at Cambridge bloody university!

[@lottie0903]

I've recently gained the name beanie, because I wear a beanie. I find it stupid, however I have a couple of friends with nicknames. One is called midget, this is because when I first met him, baring in mind he is older than me, he came up to just under my shoulder, he is nearly the same height as me now and still called midget. Another friend is called Nekihilback, this is because his name is Neikhil and he started singing rockstar by Nickleback. And finally another friend is called Hannibal Lecter because he bit someones hand because they had their arm around his neck xD

[@potterheadra]

I love this guy sat nav reminds me of a girl in my year we are now in year ten and she speaks exactly like this!!!!! It makes our whole year laugh

[@dode5064]

Brilliant

[@phoenixofmightgaming4878]

my nickname was ''Winston'' because of my surname....''Churchill''

[@jasminesiomiak2428]

I used to have two nicknames in school. The first one was ‘Tea’ (because my name’s Jasmine) which I quite liked and the other one was Jazzy Pom Pom. You’d think this one had something to do with cheer leading but it’s simply because my name’s Jasmine and I was a Brit living in another country.

[@echognomecal6742]

I quite like Jazzy Pom Pom. Such fun, lovely images come to mind :)

[@iball310369]

I once had an insurance salesman come to my house (this was in the 90's) as soon as I saw him I shouted "yoghurt pants" if I remember right his Name was Nicky Matthews. He was a little older than me so was shocked that I knew his nickname. Just one of the nicknames floating around our school.

[@millerhxc]

One of the silliest nickname backstories I ever heard was when I met a kid on a summer camp in the States who introduced himself as Cheese. When I asked him why, he said "Because this one time..I ate a whole block of cheese." I also know someone who goes by the name of Phoebe but her real is actually Naomi. It's something about being called Fatty by her sister but then it became Phoebe...weird..

[@sanh5430]

Made friends with a group of people on holiday, one of them wore a fedora a few times so we named him fedora. He didn’t like it, we found it hilarious. I’ve forgot his actual name.

[@johannesbertilsson4856]

people used to call me "stony" because I never talked to anyone or even mad eye contact outside of lessons and I would just sit in a corner with a book or my mp3 player, now it's not a particularly funny or mean nickname mind you but I didn't find out about it until I had already been called stony for 4 years, when a new girl came up to me and asked me why everybody called me stony and I didn't have a sodding clue what she was talking about.

[@imnotkatiesearle]

My nickname at school for 3 years was Vag. Seriously. All because I tweeted "I've got a huge vag" instead of "I've got a huge BAG" ...I have fat thumbs, and they're next to each other on the keyboard. Teenagers are cruel.

[@jasperfk]

frumpylump I know someone whose surname is Vagg. Seriously.

[@annother3350]

Frumpy - i think you kind of brought that upon yourself though!!

[@kathleenbradley7142]

Greg set me off laughing but you're the one who got me crying!well done! I was called man for a whole year because I "looked like a man" at the age of 13.

[@GeorgiaGeorgette]

@@kathleenbradley7142 I'm crying too! 😂

[@teh7634]

God he is my favourite comedian

[@catherinesummers2639]

I really must stop trying to do my nails while watching comedians, I keep ruining them with the giggles.

[@ladyheth7875]

+Catherine Summers I just got purple glitter nail polish all over my husbands keyboard laughing so hard...

[@AceripXF]

Catherine Summers lmao!!

[@rigrag7876]

I'm crying😂

[@litbrit5726]

My dad and his friends used to bet on the stock markets under the collective name 'The Dinner Club'. Individual member nicknames are as follows: 'Power of the Palm' - There was a strange snooker machine at this floating boat pub in London they all went to. You had to push this ball with your palm to take a shot. 'Power of the Palm' was apparently very good at it. 'Shadwell' - Not sure of the reason for this one. May be a connection to the real Shadwell in East London. 'ACe' - The letters of his first and last name + 'e'. 'MC' - Same as above but minus 'e'. 'The Truth' - This man constantly makes shit up. 'Frosty' - My dad. His last name is Frost.

[@eansba88-]

My dad went to school with a gal named Penny nickles. The kids all called her six cents.

[@Matthew-bu7fg]

One lad was known as "fish boy" for 5 years because the tuna sandwiches he'd brought into school one day were slightly more pungent than the usual

[@JADICEvidz]

Big Ali Barghi A chav called me "Big Al" because apparently I thought I was 'hard' Ali Barghi because I can do a good Indian accent and 'I own a curry shop' apparently

[@JPUK5bbd]

In school when I was 14 I was given the nickname Stud because my name sounded like a pornstar and I was built like a rugby player. Still carry it to this day

[@mattsmurfy]

This made me laugh so much!!

[@nickchivers9029]

Got a mate called Patrice Rouge de la Cuisine. His names Patrick, he's ginger and he works as a chef.

[@bewilderedbrit8928]

The most middle class joke ive ever read.

[@MrJacobThrall]

Yak. I *think* it's because it's short for Jakob - the German equivalent of Jacob - because I would be addressed that way by my German teacher at school...but its so long ago now that I can only remember telling that story, rather than the actual birth of the name! I was looking for a campervan a while ago and hadn't found one worth buying, so pretty much gave up. Then on whim I did a search for "pop-top" on Auto Trader and the top result had a reg beginning with J and ending with YAK. J - YAK. Literally had my name on it. Yeah, I bought it.

[@rogerdoyle1198]

There was a girl with dwarfism at our school who was nicknamed automatic door because you couldn't see her through the part glazed doors when she opened them

[@defenderoftherealm410]

Dude!that is brilliant.

[@NickMullet]

I know a guy that gets called Catpiss because once when playing football (uk) and using his jacket for a goalpost, a cat came along n pissed on his jacket.

[@bobthebox2993]

My nickname was Bob, no story or anything behind it. One day they just decided that my name was Bob from that day onwards. And sure, I liked it enough to encorporate it into my username, but I'm still confused why "Bob" was the name they came up with for someone who's called "Dieter"

[@keiramia1234567890]

This man has Epicness written all over him lol (:

[@nikkob1252]

My nickname was hieroglyphics because my handwriting was so bad that it was basically another language