Grief Matters: Guilt

In this, part of Dr. Bill Webster's 18 part series, Grief Matters, Dr. Bill Webster discusses the topic of 'Guilt' with his guests.

[@fembot521]

I feel guilty for our fights and things I said in anger. I feel guilty for not recognizing that something might be wrong with his heart. I feel guilty for not waking up earlier in the morning. I feel guilty for not calling 911 faster and starting CPR faster. I just hope he knew I loved him dearly. At least I told him the night before.

[@jessicaagosto3633]

this happen to me also with my husband, so horrible i feel so guilty, help me God

[@annidee]

My husband had a lengthy fight with heart disease. We fought & I was not nice, I didn’t help him as much as I could have

[@jimclift3692]

Thank you so much for these wise and comforting words. My 23 year old son died 2 weeks ago and the endless onslaught of "what ifs," "why didn't I's," and "I should have's" have been merciless. Those of us who are experts at beating ourselves up with guilt can carry our self blame all the way back to our children's infancy. This talk really spoke truth to those awful feelings of guilt and, at least for now, have brought some relief. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.

[@CJoy-ih3hn]

The awful irony of my logo here, chosen many years back, is that my husband drowned only 2 months ago. I was shoulder to shoulder with him in a rock pool. We were laughing and joking, talking about our dinner menu for that night when a wave out of the blue hit us, it took him over the rock pool wall into the sea. I was thrown in the opposite direction. I got out of the rock pool and thought my precious husband of 45 years was right behind me. I have been drowning in guilt ever since, until I saw your video today. Nothing else I have watched or read has helped me until this. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[@evelynavanti4201]

I can't even imagine. I'm so sorry.

[@jenniferjackson9375]

@@evelynavanti4201that’s the absolute worse thing to say to someone who’s loved one died in a tragedy.. in effect your saying I am imagining it but I don’t want to and I’m glad it’s you and not me .. remove your comment and think before you speak

[@alanserjeant4947]

@@jenniferjackson9375 Lighten up. It's just a figure of speech.

[@raew5263]

Well before COVID, we relied on the MDs to know + do best. They failed us + Mom only got worse. It’s not really guilt I feel, just deep sadness + sorrow. I miss her very much 😢

[@Magdalene777]

I wish I had spent more time with my grandmother before she died :'( She was the closest person to me and she was there in every childhood memory I have. She was the most loving person I ever knew.

[@gigiogu]

To live with guilt is so exhausting! Sleepless nights, thoughts of could’ve would’ve should’ve 🥲. I lost my dad in 2013 and I was very close to him. I lost my teenage daughter in 2020 and she was my baby girl and my world! I have found comfort in God’s word. He gives me strength to continue to endure. Day by day!🙏. Revelation 21:4, John 5:28,29 , 2 Corinthians 1:2-4

[@starstuff5958]

this was so excellent..I'm so guilty that my husband had a fatal heart attack the night we had a disagreement..which we seldom did and I was blindsided. Now he's gone and I can't move through this guilt. I feel guilty and I am guilty

[@ka5269]

This is too tough. Can't forgive myself, can't forget.

[@richardmcguinn732]

Hope you’ve found peace, comfort and happiness again?

[@nuanceso]

Ifdsjlkmqq😊

[@nuanceso]

I will never be able to forgive myself. My own childhood trauma led to lifelong symptoms that acted as knee-jerk reactions in raising my first-born son, behaviors that repeated those I had suffered….without really realizing it. My son took his life after a lifetime of never feeling like he belonged, that he was a burden on the rest of the family, and a growing and scary drug addiction that we all underestimated. For me, the what if’s, could’ve/should’ve/would’ve’s are very real, as I was a terrible mother to him and when I look back on our lives I am flabbergasted at the lack of realization, of empathy, of trying to deal with the problems as they grew out of control. I know in my heart and soul that my treatment of him throughout his life was at the root of his insecurities and feelings of lack of self-worth…..which in turn led to experimentation and finally an addiction to very scary and dangerous drugs, which in turn led to him never being able to sustain a relationship, keep a job, or ever really be happy. How do I ever overcome what is the cruelest truth of who I am and the effect I had on a child I truly deeply loved, but just had no idea how to be caring and supportive of. These are crushing things to even write or say out loud, and they will weigh on me forever. My son took his life in another country almost six years ago, and I live in a sea of tidal waves and tsunamis of grief and horror at my role in his death. I belong to several private groups on FB for Loss to Suicide, and although they were and are a lifeline, I never post because I never see any admission of the same horrifying behavior towards one’s own child.

[@juliamcdonnell2192]

Prayers I know how hard it is

[@annewelch2134]

Such a lovely man who speaks from the heart. There is so much compassion in his presentations about this subject. Thank you

[@lifetalkstv8024]

This is beautiful, and I honestly feel it deserves more views. I lost my wife exactly one month ago to Covid, two weeks before she was hospitalized we had an argument..she went drinking and that messed up her blood pressure and sugar levels, we had our fair share of troubles but we also had our good times on this day she went drinking, I realized she had written a suicide note. She wanted to overdose and die, in our arguments I said some really mean words some not because I meant to but because I snapped and there is also alot I had been holding in, situations that I knew I couldn't change about her.. I was in a way disappointed that she had given up on life and no matter what I tried there's a side of her that had given up on life. In the 7days we were at the hospital, I had time to apologize but we never got time to reconcile, she was almost certain she wouldn't make it out of the hospital, she blamed me for where she was, she blamed me in her suicide note and that is where my battle with guilt comes from. She left me with two beautiful boys, our last born turned one year on the same day we laid her to rest..it is tuff, really tuff because the memories are written all over even in our last born son, his first words are MAMA and he'll say it so often driving a sharp pain in my mind and heart for I know he will never get to meet or know her. This video has given me some of the answers and hope one day I learn how to accept and live with my loss. Namaste

[@jessicaagosto3633]

May Jesus lift your Soul🙏🏻your not alone 🌹may Jesus help you raise your son

[@valerieminster1626]

I feel this way. I wish I had told my daughter that I loved her and was proud of her more often. She had been hospitalized so many times but it never helped.

[@jacquelinestewart3820]

I feel the same way about my daughter should’ve, could’ve, would’ve, all the time miss her so much sorry for your pain and loss

[@wenhui900]

My mom passed away two weeks ago and I am here now. Your words helped me so much. Subscribed. Grateful that I have resources like this on KZbin to help me go through the extremely difficult time. Even husband and my children can’t help me. But you do and did. THANK YOU!!!

[@jessicaagosto3633]

yes i understand my mother died in Oct then my husband died in may,,the only good part of the story they are in Paradise with Jesus🙏🏻✝️

[@carolmusselman8859]

My mom passed away 5/1/22, and today would've been 89, I'm so sad, I miss her so much

[@tomsparks6099]

Guilt is an illusion of control. I like that. I spent and still spend sleepless nights even though I know I did everything possible to save him. He comes to me to reassure me that I am indeed, guiltless. Our love expands across the continuum. At 10 months, I'm lifting and accepting and he is in the arms of the angels.

[@paulrees3861]

My partner of 20years died just over two weeks ago. This film resonates so much. The "What if's" are currently tearing me apart, wracked with guilt that I could've or should've done more or things differently. At the moment, I'm not sure I'll survive it.

[@yournamehere6939]

May 10, 2022 for our loss of my husband to cancer. It still a roller coaster of emotions. Knowing he’s with me spiritually one minute, appreciating our live for one another, then questioning why we met in the first place if he wasn’t going to last that long, then again knowing that our spiritual relationship is eternal. 🎢 These videos have helped me feel “normal”, or at least have eased my mind that what I’m experiencing is normal for me. I’m sorry for your loss. May you feel better soon.

[@johnpage6339]

Thank you for this video. My wife passed over ten days after a heart attack in hospital during lockdown. The feelings of guilt that I have are tearing me to bits. Why did I not get a doctor to see her before? Why did I not take better care of her? Why did I not insist that the hospital let me be with her. I feel that it was all my fault. Every bit of it

[@renataz8885]

I so much understand you, I am tortured by loss and guilt too! You are not alone in this ❤

[@johnpage6339]

@@renataz8885 Thank you Renata for your reply. I am sorry for how you feel. I would not wish it on anyone but I am comforted by your reply. I hope that in time you will feel better and that things will become less painful for you

[@jessicaagosto3633]

im going threw that same guilt about my husband who went to Paradise with Jesus, i didnt see how he was getting sick and i didnt pay attention, and i didnt get to hug and kiss him goodbye 😭

[@udaybapat6818]

Dear Sir....the things you are sharing here same ditto are experienced with too many .....you are not alone who has done this said "blunder". there are too many like you.Time is the only solution ...day by day you will feel better slowly but progressively just keep patience. Its not your fault it was destiny .Your generosity is killing you .Don't allow Guilt to take over.With regards,

[@lanaegun41020]

I'm sobbing. Thank you for this.

[@cpmffeilberg4970]

My mom died on Jan 15th 2019 after a 3 month illness, which landed her in icu on a respirator. I am grateful i was able to get to the hospital a couple of times before she died. RIP mom

[@latkagravas986]

I am sorry for you loss, sounds similar to mine (spouse)

[@uraniumjoe]

I'm sorry for your losses....

[@dawnhopkins5495]

Thank you for this message which I heard loud and clear....it isn't in my control...she's gone. I did as .much as I possibly could

[@rhondabest4902]

Thank You for Sharing.....My Daughter was my best friend and Also a mother of her two Sons who are heartbroken and Devestated as well as my Husband and Our Daughter was only 29 Years of age......I appreciate your post and The part of the Thousands of things we did do rather then the 1 One time that we Could not do.....I pray that all God's Children have Hope in knowing that Heaven is For Real,:)))....That Nothing happens unless God Allows it too......God Love you all and Bless you all in Jesus name, amen

[@KP-le6ee]

Thank you for uploading these segments, such comforting words in a time when i needed to hear the most. Gratitude.

[@kathleenhensley5951]

I did everything I could do. I cared for him the best I could. By the time we knew it was cancer he was already dying. We had less then 7 weeks left.

[@richardmcguinn732]

Hope you’ve found peace, comfort and happiness again?

[@ji5055]

poor Michael's father. I will pray for you. You did what you could.

[@katec9893]

This is such a good video, I'd never considered it from this perspective about how guilt makes us feel less powerless. That's very interesting and makes sense. The powerlessness of losing loved ones is such a terrible, anger and despair inducing feeling that I can see how we prefer to think we could have changed the outcome by different actions.

[@enidblyton3743]

Incredibly wise and helpful words, thank you

[@pupskin123]

Explains a lot. Thank you.

[@MORCOPOLO0817]

My mother recently passed away. Granted my mother had a lot of health issues, But I used to get in to political arguments with my brother. And this would stress her out. One time I could not bite my tongue and swallow my pride and I had to respond back and add a few oppinions. The timing was right there when she started decliining. She was having trouble sleeping and her blood pressure was out of control. I can't help but think that if I had just swallowed my pride, she would not have declined like that.

[@akfinn5308]

Thank you, Dr. Webster for all your Grief Matters series. They have and still are helping. Yes, there is great comfort in God's Word. I've also started a journal. I was amazed that it helps. I've been reaching out to others. Some ways are to keep connected with my deceased spouse; other ways are to begin something new in my life. It helped to familiarize myself with my husbands' illness. Looking back, I can see that it was a natural progression. I can forgive myself.

[@billmarshall3082]

Forgiveness Forgiveness is a gift we receive, And freely we must give it too, To prove to Him we do believe, Forgiveness also works for you. When Judas stabed His back, He did not turn to attack; For it was not a setback, When Satan caused this man to crack. When you forgive it then returns, For your heart is then lightened While given the freedom it yearns And your mind is then enlightened. Let His healing hand touch your soul, Then may His love render you whole, For Satan will try to collect a toll If faith is weak you give control But someone you may overlook Is one you may be least kind to; For mistaken paths that you took; The one you forgive must be you. GW (Bill) Marshall/2012

[@latkagravas986]

I'm unable to it for myself...my loss (March 2020) there were compounded other challenges - that kept me away to be altered in those 'spouse challenges' relationships. Although they are a part of life and only 'one' in our spouse relationship that brought me down (before her unexpected passing), it kills me that it did (all 3) bogged my attention 'to had come full circle back to the awareness of her true unknown medical', where this 7th hospital admission took her 😢. I'm aware Im only human - but wished the Lord would had taken care this 'Blindside'. 😢

[@trialandcreate]

These videos have helped me so much, thank you I am so grateful to have found your channel

[@smallies7154]

my dog was saintly. i hope hes in heaven. i have a lot to ask forgiveness for

[@VB-lc4xz]

It's 2023 now, and I just found these videos. My other passed away 7 years ago and I am still beating myself every day with guilt and sorrow. I worked non-stop, went through a hard breakup, and had my adult unemployed son with us, no medical insurance, so I couldn't deal with all that, it was simply too much!! Still, when I am thinking about it now - so many should haves... I feel like I failed the only person I owe in my life. Thank you so much for these videos. Time heals only what can be healed, but some things can't.

[@CocoaBeachLiving]

If only, it haunts me too when I think how I didn't stay a couple of hours more before my Pamela was put on life support, I didn't think she'd go so soon, I thought I had a little more time, before we could properly say goodbye. She'd been in an out of hospital for months. Turned out she had less than a few hours to live. She was in her final stages of colon cancer, but I still somehow think I could have done something different.. But yeh, I get it, there was nothing else I could do. Still...

[@uraniumjoe]

I'm sorry for your loss, Bill...

[@rosemarybautista8064]

Thank you, Dr. Webster, from the bottom of my heart.

[@laurad2483]

I did someone wrong and never apologized. I never thought how they feel is why they lashed out and acted out in anger towards me until now. Like I expected my behavior to just be accepted and everything would be ok. I let 13 years go by and never acknowledged or accepted my actions. I just found out they passed away and I made it to their viewing by the grace of God because I ran into his brother at a restaurant that I haven't visited in months. I would have never known in time to be able to say goodbye at the viewing. I have so much guilt built up in me for this. If I didn't block this person out of my life, I could have said goodbye in person. I could have visited them in the hospital. I had no idea they were so sick. I don't know if this guilt will ever go away. I never said I was sorry. I feel like this is my punishment to live with for the rest of my life because I hurt this person so bad. I talk to you through prayer and pray you hear me. Im sorry for everything, Gary. I truly am. Until we meet again. I love you.

[@richardmcguinn732]

I hope you’ve found peace, comfort and happiness again?

[@stormsfromcalifornia4379]

i lost my wife of 35 years i did everything i could do to help her,she was a type 2 diabedic she never took her meds not til dec 25 did pramedic come out but she was swelled up her kidneys were shutting down we made it to er than she hd caRIC ARREST the drs brought her back but she was on life support barly hanging on so painful but we took off life supprt the hospital put her in comfort care 28 hours latter she died i keep wondering what could i do different i came to terms northing i could've done to chance what happened,,

[@wandasewell4501]

Wonderful video! Thanks!

[@angiesandovalzuniga7220]

This one really hits home!

[@bigjacdaddy]

powerful ! healing ! thank you

[@mattdewberry5728]

I knew this video was posted long ago. I lost my wife to sepsis and she was only 54. The amount of guilt I feel is terrible because if I just would have stayed with her rather than having to go to work. The next day I went she never woke up what did she go through while I was at work. She died a week before we got a really large accident settlement from a surgery I had but I was afraid to get it because of the severity of the surgery.. how do I forgive myself I don't know how. I'm stuck in a guilt stage the wound isn't closed its large open and gaping. I do like what you said though because I was her caregiver with amputations and the wound care provider! This was such a wonderful Father's Day gift I didn't think I was going to get anything! God bless you

[@netjavier7559]

This is what I badly needed right now.. I miss my grandfather...

[@africaafrican8931]

My condolences,I lost my grandma/mama and I lost it.I talked about it kzbin.info/www/bejne/pXe9q6edrKuXoKM

[@SoyYoLot]

This is really helpful to me. Thank you

[@MsLearnchinesewithme]

Thank you

[@billmarshall3082]

That "round and round" is Satan replaying the circumstances to use against you and make you feel guilty.

[@billmarshall3082]

Control Satan blends his thoughts with yours, You think they came from you, For his goal is to close all doors, To control everything you do. He starts this at an early age, His lies make you the liar And if you are in a rage, That's when you fuel his hellfire. But just like Satan who sneaks in, There is Another who is true, For He knows well about sin And what Satan wants with you. He will only enter if invited, A slave is not His goal, He seeks a fire be ignited From within to make you whole. G W(Bill) Marshall / 13 June, 2013 ".... the evil one comes and snatches away...." Matthew 13:19a (NIV) (I wondered after these words came to me if they could be true.Several years on,I now know that they are true through experience.) Charles Stanley agrees in this video: kzbin.info/www/bejne/nn7PiYpnfrmdo6s " Those along the path are the ones who hear, and then the devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts, so that they may not believe and be saved.Luke 8:12 NIV "

[@latkagravas986]

Hear you 'but just like athletes in striving on missed dunk or touchdown' all of us in Love of our Loved One can't help on 'the one more thing for them'😢

[@kironjeetsidhu7828]

Thankyou for reminding us the things we did

[@NoreenHoltzen]

Thank you, subscribed. I used to feel guilty less often but since turning to Christ and church groups I have started to feel guilty more often, and you know what - it is for the better. When driving away from Jesus I feel more confident but when returning to church, the guilt comes back. At church we bring it up sometimes and our group agreed that part of faith is to celebrate our guilt, because it keeps us clean and beneath Him. Encouraging guilt is be part of our Christian culture that we inherited. I would not be ashamed of guilt as it is part of being a good Christian, and those that are not guilty might not be forgiven and thus might not reach heaven. I myself often have guilty feelings of not enough faith in God but I use this guilt to ask for forgiveness so I can be saved. I don’t think we should try to overcome our guilt but recognise it as part of being a Christian, even if it is difficult to live with. Even if we feel worse with this guilt, it I better to have it and know that we are true Christians. It brings us down, but it brings us together. Together, and down. Amen.

[@forreal245]

Helpful during recent loss of hubby.

[@africaafrican8931]

My condolences I lost my grandma/mama and I lost it,I talked about it kzbin.info/www/bejne/pXe9q6edrKuXoKM

[@udaybapat6818]

👌👌🙏Sir..excellent! .a most required information on very important issue .You have understood correctly the dilemma and mental status of the so called "guilty surviving people. Your suggestions should prove to be a savior for many grieving people who are additionally burdened with this culprit 'Guilt. I have shared your video , where I am residing in Mumbai( Bombay India..). Today's era such topics need to have some in depth solution and remeady for this Guilt (which is in fact killing many).Sir..I may suggest yourself to make video considering some additional information with more angles .

[@jessicaagosto3633]

oh God help me, i didnt say im sorry to my husband and didnt hug him before he left to work, i didnt appreciate him 😭

[@yournamehere6939]

Jessica, your husband understands that you love him, he loved you and I’m positive his last thoughts were of his love for you.

[@larry1824]

Guilts an abscess that won't pop

[@lalansingh8518]

Thank you so much

[@tomwolfe8737]

Thank you Sir

[@latkagravas986]

It's the Best input true video on this - even when you not guilty, but feel guilty or vice versa.

[@tarawehry7105]

I felt guilty about an argument that we had 6 days before he passed about my doctors office pharmacy s stupid rules concerning my pills

[@revn9203]

My immense guilt is as a result of a wrong decision made for my mother’s medical care many years ago and this resulted in her long term suffering in pain and discomfort which she could not express because of her cognitive difficulties. We failed to understand her suffering and failed to meet her needs for pain relief. I only came to realize this after she passed away. While I grief intensely for my loss but I am also burdened with the unbearable guilt of that inappropriate medical intervention and for failing to recognize my mother’s subsequent suffering and her unmet needs.

[@honourlulu5562]

Same

[@mishthemaverick8607]

I don't know that I could've changed my mum having a stroke. But I should've visited her more often. Perhaps moved back to my hometown instead of just talking about it. I should've been more patient with her in life. Trying to focus on the things I did right but it's not easy.

[@wynettegreer3812]

Such a burden , on top of grief

[@richardmcguinn732]

Hope you’ve found peace, comfort and happiness again?

[@sunriseschubert4391]

I feel guilty for letting my mother fly from the USA to Mexico, where she died far away from me. 😢. But I'm asking God to help me forgive myself.

[@tarawehry7105]

That was true with me, I felt soo helpless

[@tarawehry7105]

He wouldn’t want you to feel guilty for the rest of your life

[@Angelalivingsoberwithl4072]

7 months ago my husband died from covid. My caregiver brought covid into our house. My husband and I got COVID. I have videos about how I am healing from the death

[@richardmcguinn732]

That’s very wonderful to hear. Glad you’re feeling much better again.

[@ji5055]

my guilt. If only I had been born. My mother was going to leave my father cuz he was mean to my brother for 9 years. And an argument it came out when I asked her, why on Earth would you have another kid to go through this after my brother suffered for 9 years? You can't say you didn't know. And anger she looked at me and said I was going to leave but I got pregnant for you. Well I forgave my father and took care of him till he died. That made me even more of an enemy of my mother and my brother. You see I've lost more than just my father. And when he was dying she was trying to hurt him so I had to protect him. I forgive her and now I'm taking care of her and I don't want her to ever die. I know she didn't love me because I reminded her of my father. I knew I was being used but I didn't care cuz I wanted her love and I still do. I'm almost 60 and if my mother dies it will kill me. And she was always very nice to my brother and she was proud of him and praise him. But not me. Sometimes I thought I was thinking wrong but I wasn't

[@qeytmyok2473]

Don't worry you did right.God will shower his grace and blessings on you .it is good karma yo take take of our parents

[@solveigcronstrom7787]

I'm thinking that althoug there is a lot you have not got from your family, the most important thing you really do have: Your self respect. Because you have done your best. They have not been able to love or even appreciate you. It is their loss as much as yours.

[@labradormcgraw]

She came to me in the sleeping hours And she sang to me in the moonlight: "Where did you dance when you baffled our chance, And when did the motley bells chime?" I summoned a verse from a chorus of blame, But it drowned in the ghost of her song. He came to me in the sleeping hours And he called to me in the moonlight: "Why does the fold now weep to behold, And how does it feel to be free?" I tendered the words from the tears of the same, But they dried as the dawn came upon. They came to me in the sleeping hours And they whispered to me in the moonlight: "What did you reap when you floated the keep, And whom did you trust with the key?" I buried my head in a cushion of shame - And I woke to find them all gone.

[@tarawehry7105]

Why didn’t I insist that he go to the hospital that Thursday morning he woke up with shortness of breath.

[@tarawehry7105]

A lot of them

[@tarawehry7105]

Only God has control over life and death

[@annaabudapest9058]

Thank you