Grief, it's Complicated.....10% of the Time | Susan Delaney | TEDxUCD

[@amazingyear9042]

“Death ends a Life NOT a relationship. If someone mattered to you in life they continue to matter to you after they pass.” ☑️

[@angiemyers9759]

❤ I agree

[@darrelljones3382]

Exactly! That's why you end up with a hole in your heart and and half of you dies with them. Grief sucks!

[@Stringbender666]

❤️❤️

[@fastpitchmermaid4550]

Really resonated with that

[@simplyme7821]

I woke up on my husband's birthday. He was just coming downstairs from feeding the cat. He walked into the kitchen and I didn't hear him so, I followed. I saw him on his knees with his hands grasping the counter with all his strength. I tried to help him stand up but, I wasn't strong enough. I laid him on the floor and I didn't know what was happening. I looked into his blue eyes and I said, I love you. He mouthed, I love... And, he died with my hands on his chest. I just listened to this lovely woman talk about Mourning. I went with the ambulance to the hospital and I watched them try to revive his body for 5 and 1/2 hours. But, he had died in our kitchen. After I did everything he asked me to do if he was ever in this situation, I had to tell them stop. His body was twisted and mangled and I had watched them drill holes in his femur just to get more access to his blood. I went home without him. I lost my life. We were everything to each other. And, nobody came. I have been completely separated from humans because for their own reasons, my family never showed up. I've had to figure out how to live and how to survive without the love that I have never even imagined being without. I lost 30 pounds in the first 2 months because all I could do was eat bread and butter. I don't know how I'm going to keep the roof over my head and I don't know how I'm going to have the means to go to the doctors and worst of all, I don't feel human anymore. My heart is broken into a million pieces and yet, I've only been able to cry for the last month. I was afraid if I started crying I would never stop. In a way, I was right. I've cried every day for the last month. Our lives were so entwined. Our favorite thing to was to sit talk to each other. Last night was the worst. I didn't have anyone to call. Nobody's coming to give me a hug. It took me almost two months to beg and borrow the money to have him cremated. He sits on our dining room table. I always told him that I wanted to go first. I didn't get that wish. So, 9 months have gone by and it feels like two weeks. All I know is that this hurts so much that if anyone I love loses their partner in life, I will run to them. Even if they don't want to talk. I will never let them be completely alone. I just can't understand how to live anymore. I just know that I can't rush through this pain. I have to walk and sometimes crawl and other times curl up in a ball. About two days after he passed, I thought to myself, where's my casserole? Sincerely, Carmela

[@charlieplayzdxb]

I am so sorry. Your words break me heart. You have a beautiful soul and I hope you spread love and your light to others also suffering.

[@WeepingWidowSueAna]

I am so very sorry Carmela. I lost my husband a couple of months ago and it's the just the hardest thing in the whole word. It's so terrifying, especially when you live alone and have so little support. How are you doing now? Your words really hit home and I could relate to this pain and agony so well.

[@pumkinpie8730]

Omg I'm praying for you from Texas. I lost my fiance 8 days ago. It was unexpected as well. I can't take things minute by minute. I have to take it second by second. It's hard indeed.i miss him so like you miss your husband. I look fwrd to this season to end

[@kierstencreates958]

I am praying for God’s supernatural healing & comfort for your life. I am so sorry for your loss & I’m grateful you were able to tell each other you loved each other when you said goodbye. I pray you reunite one day in God’s kingdom, & that you feel surrounded by love until that day 💔💜💜💜💜💜💜💜🙏

[@WeepingWidowSueAna]

@@pumkinpie8730 I am so truly sorry for your loss Pumkinpie. The unexpected deaths are so so hard because you had no time to prepare or discuss things... nothing. I think these sudden deaths are some of the hardest. I really wish I could do something for you to ease that pain. Hugs.

[@rothutbiene]

GRIEF “Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.” Jamie Anderson

[@jacquelinemcgowan8164]

That for me says it all I keep saying i am brokenhearted because my heart is broken xxx

[@Stringbender666]

❤️❤️

[@JackKokah]

Never thought it would be this hard and scary, I feel that I'm a child lost in this world without you, mother.. It's been only 2 days since you passed away.. This is brutal, it's hard to breath and think that I can move on with my life without hearing you and hugging you and see your beautiful and worm smile.. thanks for everything mum, you have sacrificied everything for me and my brothers.. I hope to see you again soon, I love you mum ♥️

[@izzahz730]

Hi

[@kathleenosphere]

I’m so sorry. I lost my mom 1/12/21. 💔

[@brendadrumm9708]

What a lovely person u are

[@vcoonrod]

She surely wants you to stay here and finish the goals you planned for yourself. She is still rooting you on completely! Death is just a phase of existence, it actually doesnt exist the way some think. Time to explore after death research. So much is available to guide you, even from physicians.

[@joanmcgraw6528]

I feel the same way , I lost my brother 3/2/21 it has been so hard for me too . .

[@freyallarganswald4746]

I was diagnosed by a psychologist as having complicated grief syndrome . I lost both my parents 3 weeks apart and had nursed them both for months, watched them both decline while I felt impotent as there was nothing I could do to ease their suffering or halt their progressive illnesses. All I could do was ensure they knew they were loved and cared for 24/7. The guilt I feel is terrible . I was ill myself ( Crohn’s disease ) and was admitted to hospital , as a result my parents care was taken over by social services. Dad admitted to hospital Mum to a care home. My dad died less than 24 hrs later. He was in same hospital as me so at least I was with him when he passed. Mums heart broke and she gave up fighting her illness. She declined rapidly and three weeks to the day ( 2 days before my 50th birthday) joined my dad . I have to admit the experience broke me, I plunged into deep pit of despair, guilt and grief. It’s been 2.5 years now and with the help of councillors, hypnotherapist, my gp and family I feel I’m back on track. It’s been extremely difficult, by far the worst experience of my life. I have contemplated ending my life on numerous occasions, it’s only the thought of further hurting my family that’s stopped me. Each day has its challenges it im back at work now and trying to move forward. I have very little zest for life but I’m sure that will improve too in time. To anyone who has read my experience here, to the end, thank you. Namaste

[@robertbowditch7796]

You are an incredible human being and I am so sorry that you had to go through such a harrowing experience. I lost my father suddenly 3 months ago and it still hurts. I hope you can go on to live the happy and fulfilling life that I’m sure your Mother and Father would have wanted for you, as the ultimate tribute to them.

[@maryellenr1590]

There is absolutely nothing easy about such loss, apart from feeling the pain. Something to remember is that your parents knew and know how very much you loved and still do love them. You cared for them as well as you possibly could and I'm sure they knew that too. It's like being on a flight and the cabin air pressure changes- you're always supposed to put on your oxygen mask first, then help others around you. That, of course, is because if you pass out/die then you won't be there to help the others around you. You being admitted to hospital was kind of like that, but everything else was unfortunate timing and none of that was or is your fault. Your being ill wasn't and isn't your fault. You controlled everything as well as you could, but then what happened wasn't anything you could have controlled...which isn't your fault. I understand why you feel guilt, but it's easier for me to see that things weren't your fault because I'm on the outside looking in, while you're on the inside of the tangled mess of grief. I pray you're able to see what I mean and that none of what happened was your fault. You are a wonderful daughter who did what she should have done for her parents, which is love and care for them. Sending you hugs and prayers for peace, comfort, strength, grace, better health, and continued healing. 💙💜💙

[@freyallarganswald4746]

MaryEllen R thank you for your very kind words x

[@meemees01]

Many hugs to you, Diane. Complicated grief is such an intense realm of emotions. I am sorry for the loss of both your parents.

[@TinaSotis]

I too, went through a double loss just over 2 years now. My sister had cancer and my mother - two weeks before my sister died - had a stroke and died 3 days later. I lost them both within 10 days. , but lately I seem to be going through a deeper shift into the reality of the loss. Man, it hurts. I miss them so badly. I think I know what you've been going through. Bless your heart and your courage.

[@deborahdansante-white913]

Thank you! Finally, someone understands...My mother died, suddenly; my husnband died, less than 6 months later; 2 weeks later, my sister told me her cancer was back - this time in her lungs and liver and brain and I was her caregiver. She died. My brother died next. He drowned. He was my only living relative as my little boy died from conjunctive meningitis, 35 year as ago, He put his little head on my knee and I knew. I rushed him to the hospital. I left him there. It was that quick. The rains came to Louisiana and I lost our home to the water. With the water, my finances and my future. And yet, thru all of this I was expected to "rise above". Trust in God. Get on with it. Move on. I was told I could not grieve properly unless I grieved through the 5 stages or else I am self-centered and I have no faith. Who believes this nonsense... I grieve because I am only a human being.

[@debbiepaskin9378]

Deborah Dansante-White I am SO terribly sorry for your awful losses, I can’t say much, except that I am thinking of you, and pray that the god I believe in will comfort you, somehow! I am grieving myself, and still looking for the answers, I don’t really know what they are, but this talk has been a great comfort for a start! I am so glad she talks of support, I have had to seek that out myself, no one has ever bothered to bring me food or really check on me! I feel rather self pitying, but I think we, who have ‘lost’ so much are entitled to feel like that! Thinking of you, 💕❤️💕 xxx 🇬🇧

[@baxtercol]

I am sorry for you both. This might sound like a pat answer but I do not mean it as such. I have had losses nowhere near like those you both have described but I have lived with a disability all my life. So my two cents for whatever it's worth: Faith does not depend on circumstances no matter how harrowing or how splendid they may be. Faith is a gift freely given and freely accepted. It requires and engenders trust. That is true and can be helpful but we are mere human beings so life is so damn hard! God did not promise otherwise. Above all, I am sorry. My prayers and thoughts are with you. I Care.

[@Oceanusnovas-um2zf]

@@baxtercol I agree with you.

[@yvonnerahui8729]

Deborah Dansante-White ..oh Deborah..so much tragedy & sadness. My ♡ goes out to you. Choose to forgive those who mean well but have no idea what you're dealing with..it's been totally huge & mind blowing. Sounds like the story of Job in bible. Please do seek this God ones have said to trust & ask for prayer. .you must have so much shock & trauma that needs dealing with. Find an alive church who lifts the name of Jesus up. Honestly..if you get a touch of His love you can be filled with peace & healing & hope in believing. I know your son will be with Him & you can see him again too..he will be waiting for you. Choose Jesus & all He's done for you & you can live with hope & purpose.

[@sarahconnor4757]

I don't know how you survived all of that..It's a miracle and can only be the hand of God. I'm so sorry for the loss of each person that was precious to you.

[@fluermor..]

My mama passed away 3 weeks ago, one moment she was having a nap next door, half an hour or so later I told my daughter to go kiss her goodnight as usual, but by that time my mama was already gone. There is no pain that could ever described this. If you still have your Mama cherish them, there is no one on this earth like your mama. Without them your world is completely changed forever. Rest in peace my queen 💗

[@meemees01]

Oh Janine, I am so sorry. It is truly hard to describe the pain. Hugs to you.

[@barbararuiz3776]

My Daddy left his church, friends, neighbors, and life to move in with my family July 2015. I never imagined how much fun it would be having him live with us! I'm so grateful that my two boys had the experience of living with him. This past August 27, 2018 he went to his forever home. I miss him so much that at times it feels like a physical pain. I am sorry for the loss of your precious mama.

[@dharmabum1111]

I just lost my mom, by all accounts she died peacefully in her sleep as well. I keep saying​ aloud "Rest in Peace" Mom. 🙏

[@tryingtoevolvefaster9995]

Your parents are still here. They will never abandon you. They love you deeply. Talk to them daily. Ask them to help you with problems. No, they are not here physically. But their souls/spirits are by your side always and will respond when you call on them.

[@davidm4710]

faster eft helps withthe pain and,depression it really does help when we need serious help it can,be a ife saver

[@dragonfly3517]

I’ve been a widower for about a year and a half.its gotten alot better,so hang in there,because it’s gets better.god bless.

[@richardmcguinn732]

So happy seeing your comment and yes it gets better as time goes on.

[@dianemaines4777]

This has been good for me to hear I lost my love in October it has been hard

[@ashleyduncan3645]

This is a beautiful talk. My mom died in a car crash last year, 3 months before my wedding. All I want is for her to be proud of me. I want to be happy and I am most of the time. This talk makes me feel more normal in my feelings whatever normal is. She would want no part of a miserable life. She was the best person on the planet

[@susandelaney2369]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, Ashley. I'm glad you can experience happiness again and I'm sure your Mom would be glad about that and that she would also understand when you have a tough day

[@jenniferolmstead139]

Ashley Duncan I am very sorry for your losses, Ashley! May God bless you, and know that God is with you, each and every day!

[@tinalindsey1598]

Ashley Duncan I would like to ask if you would let me be proud of you. I’m proud of you for making it through the loss. I know from experience how devastating a loss it is to lose your mother. I miss my mother saying she was proud of me. I lost her one and a half years ago. I’m proud of us for still standing. Much love. ❤️

[@07melissa09]

Thank you Susan, your talk has been most helpful. I lost my husband of 50 years very suddenly in January. Your talk has described my grief perfectly & has help me greatly to understand the wave of emotions I am experiencing.

[@SandraRamirez-kw2jz]

Its been 32yrs since my husband died and it still hurts . I have good days and bad days . I dont think you ever get over the loss of a loved one. Ive just learned how to make peace with it and im so greatful for my time with him and keep him a part of me everyday its easier that way.

[@richardmcguinn732]

I came across your comment at the grief of love ones post here on KZbin. ☹️That’s so touching and I know how it feels to be lonely without our love ones, we've all loss our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I truly understand how you feel cos I’ve felt same unbearable experiences before but death is just inevitable no matter how hard we try! And we'll all have to face it someday, and every of our love ones we’ve loss will always want to see us happy again wherever they’re. I loss my oldest daughter Annabel February 24th 2020 in a crucial car accident, and she just turned 22 on her last birthday before she got knocked down by a moving vehicle 🚗 and so unlucky for me that horrible day the driver was drunk. That was the worst and most lamenting day of my whole life as a single Dad raising two kid's, my 17 years old son Clark and my 4 legged 🐶 families are my everything and the reason I still keep strong, and keep going! My late wife passed away three years ago from a shocking disease, I felt devastated with grief, and I was so heartbroken 💔 but God and time are indeed the best healers. Hope you’ve found peace, comfort and happiness again? I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! So it would be nice to get a reply from you when you got time okay. 🌹🌹

[@chrissy0surname]

My sons short life made me who I am. I NEVER take life for granted and I appreciate that I had him with me for as long as I did, despite how short his life was. He died in front t of my eyes, in my arms and he taught me to love, live and appreciate the gift of life. I believe he paved the way for my other children to be born and directly influenced the woman and mother I later became.

[@neelakirschner6966]

I lost my beloved mum 5 weeks ago to COVID. It happened so quickly and my heart feels like it has shattered into a million pieces. I miss my mum so much and life will never be the same again. The pain is so unbearable at the moment.

[@CleoS-vx5pd]

Same here Neela. All I can say is you’re not alone. No grief TED talk can completely cover the awful limbo we’re in, as where I live is still in lockdown, I cannot “carry on” as normal, and now people are starting to get excited that lockdown may be lifted soon & I feel like I’m just standing at the back of the queue with a handful of shattered heart & no joy for the future. It’s a living nightmare. X

[@neelakirschner6966]

@@CleoS-vx5pd Thank you for your message. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through something similar. My heart breaks when I hear of others who have to suffer like me. Yes lockdown has made everything harder and more painful as I am in the UK and we are still in lockdown, mum’s death and funeral was in lockdown so you are grieving alone without the backup of friends and wider family and also unable to distract myself as you cannot go and do anything because of lockdown to take your mind off the loss. Everyone is looking forward to lockdown being eased soon in stages here and I feel everyone will get back to their usual lives apart from all those who have lost loved ones in the pandemic. I wasn’t even allowed to visit my mum in hospital to say goodbye and it is so painful. I hope that somehow we will both get some strength and peace to be able to carry on as we don’t have a choice. Sending you a hug xx

[@KP-do2ss]

@@CleoS-vx5pd The lockdown gave me an excuse to stay home and not have to go anywhere.

[@maryracette1776]

My spouse was very ill for months. He died in a nursing home a few days ago. I thank God that I had him in my life. Yes,, I still miss him deeply. It hurts. Emotions are all.over the place including feelings of guilt and wishing I was with him. Grief is frightening to me too. I live alone and have few support systems.

[@WeepingWidowSueAna]

I am so sorry Mary. I lost my husband a couple of months ago and it's the just the hardest thing in the whole word. It's so terrifying, especially when you live alone and have so little support. How are you doing now?

[@petegibson8062]

I have just lost my wife to cancer in January 2018 and the last 6 months have been a roller coaster of emotions even wishing i could die, but listening to Dr Susan Delaney has made me think hard to evaluate my life and move on but never forget the past, but except what life thrown at me even though I didn't ask for it. Thank you Dr Susan Delaney for your compassion .

[@kayhuddleston1972]

i know you feel this way. and I think family can make big mistakes in this. the thing is you will never have to loose her again. Give yourself a ride with wild pony no saddle and ride the pony anywhere he goes. you will be in pain for awhile do not expect it to go away until it does, I love you. Be you do this your way and how she knew you could!! Time.

[@therabbithat]

we will never ever ever forget them or stop loving them and we will live lives for them that still have some joy

[@jackiehayes7518]

I lost my husband of 32 years, January 2016. Comfort only after his legs and arms would need amputated and live in a nursing home. He did not want that, I made sure it did not happen. It almost killed us both. I was spiraling into a more profound depression. Broken, Guilty was it the right choice, Yes, still gets me every once in a while.

[@sandrahardy887]

Pete Gibson I’m so sorry, I lost my husband of 33 years in December 2017 to a brain tumor, he was only 52. I have no advice to give you, but hold tight to your faith, when there were times I didn’t want to live, I knew I had to live for my children and my deceased husband. I still cry almost every night, but try to find a blessing, no matter how small, each day. It has helped.

[@chrisjohnson2246]

@@jackiehayes7518 I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you loved, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my wife 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer. I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number [phone] or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could email you?

[@Lyork]

Dear Dr. Delaney, thank you for this talk and for dismissing the "5 stages of grief." When I really wanted to talk to someone after my husbands death, I had at least two people I wanted to talk to give me this PDF about the "stages." I wanted to scream at them but instead, I thanked them anyway. My husband died a year ago and I'm still in shock. I was very grateful to find your video.

[@virginiapenn1809]

I was pregnant and lost the baby after a car accident. I was 9 months along and headed to the mall to walk around to help kick labor in. I went to the hospital and they indused and after two days I gave birth to a stillborn baby boy. I've lost many people in my life. Some easier to deal with than others. My grandfather who always treated me as the girl he never had treated me better than the man who was my father (his son). I cry everytime I go to my grandfather's grave. I cry a little when I go to my mother's grave. I go to my son's grave and smile because I know he's with God. My late husband died 11 years ago. I have been single since just so I can raise my 4 children who were between 6 and 14 when he passed. I have struggled. I won't say everything has been easy. I started getting stress seizures in 2016. I had two last year. I was out for 2 days. I saw my grandfather. He told me it wasn't time even though I insisted I wanted to stay with him. He told me to come back. I was needed here. When I got back I didn't know why I was here or what was so important for me to stay on Earth. I struggle everyday to get through the day. I recently have been very grateful for my grandfather telling me to come back. I still cry for him but I now know why I was sent back. There is a connection but we need to understand that they are with us even though they cannot tell us they are. Just wanted to share my story. Thank you.

[@Niuniany]

Virginia Penn thank you🙌🙏🙌

[@kimberlylewis4265]

Thank you ❤️

[@Ellierua]

The thing is, when you lose a parent, you sort of lose the other too, they are not together anymore. The duo is gone... I found it so hard losing my father suddenly, but I lost my mam too, she'll never be the same...

[@KP-do2ss]

I lost my mom last March 2020 just 6 months after I lost my father. They were married nearly 63 years. They were the best parents ever. That is so hard to just let go of. When my sister died it felt more like I had lost a child. She was my little sister although she was just two years younger than me. She hated me treating her like she was a child. I couldn't help it. I looked out for her all my life.

[@naju3141]

exactly. thats the worst part for me

[@kimberlylewis4265]

Losing my Dad helped me gain my mother. It has been a journey good and bad. Yes, she is different now but so am i. We both lost a part of us. Focus on the new relationship and moving forward through your grief together.

[@LiaDoy]

This woman really gets grief. This helped me understand my feelings since losing my mum .

[@geoffringham1051]

THE MOST SENSIBLE and down to earth talk I've ever heard on KZbin or anywhere else concerning grief. I lost my darling wife of 50yrs just two weeks ago. And a big hug to Susan for pointing out that ridiculous and patronising term 'Closure.' as the nonsense it is. Thank you Susan 💟

[@Adriana.Gabriela]

So sorry for your loss 💕

[@inmemoryofCarla]

My daughter died unexpectedly 3 weeks ago, aged 33. I am devastated beyond belief but need to help her twin and her fiance, This and the illustrations are helpful and hopeful without being glib.

[@ladybeegeevee8548]

This pierced me to the core as she spoke. I lost my eldest son 6 1/2 years ago. To hear how thoroughly she describes my pain, has me in tears.

[@Oceanusnovas-um2zf]

Very well stated. I needed to hear this today because I feel like I was losing it after my sister passed 4 and half weeks a ago. I kept to myself. Didnt socialize, felt unmotivated in life and had no desire for anything. I lost so much weigh. I cry every day. Sometimes I feel like I myself cannot make it through. I was hurt, angry and resentful to God. I am slowly trying to get my life under control. And smile little by little. Because, I know my sister who was a sweet gem in my life wouldn't have want me to suffer like this. And suffering it was. Losing someone is never easy. Sometimes it cripples you with pain. Some days I don't think and the next day I will be in a big funk, depress and have a don't care attitude about the world and life in general. All my hopes and dream seem to not matter anymore and she was that one perwon I loved sharing my success or storeis too as she did as well. She was my bestfriend. Still is. I love her immensely. And I will always love her til I see her again one day. Losing someone is so dern cruel. Thank you for giving me some hope.

[@jatinderkaur9750]

I have lost my loving dad three months ago. I was numb, shocked, teary, sad, guilty. I was in rollercoaster of emotions. First week I was used to sit at one place whole day. I really miss my dad. I am trying to move with grief but some time it brings you back at initial point to stay over again. I hope my respected dad is okay there. Love you so much Dad. Feel blessed to born as your daughter. Miss you always.

[@pavladulinkova2620]

I have lost my dad 2 weeks ago suddenly due to Covid and I was shocked too, first week I couldn’t think of anything else then my dad and I was crying nonstop. The worse thing is that I couldn’t go to his funeral and I couldn’t talk to him before he died. I know he is still with me and he protects me and my daughter. I feel it. Love you too my dad ❤️

[@willpower9117]

These seventeen minutes should be shared with anyone who has lost a loved one and has experienced grief or a great sense of loss as a result. I have not come across a more perfect explanation or description of what grief is about. Thank you. We need people like you in this world because suffering is a part of life and anything that helps us deal or tackle this, has got to be a good thing.

[@equynenergie]

Absolutely agree 👍

[@kimlisia7458]

I lost my mum to pancreatic cancer on the 28/12/18.. we had four months with her since we found out.. she deteriorated quickly. My life feels empty without her. Though out of all the grief videos I’ve watched I’ve found this one to be the most helpful. Thank you and I’m sorry for everyone’s loss.

[@samanthaworkman-fenn8754]

Kimmi Lesea helpful because I feel validated regarding the grief for my husband who died 2 years and 2 and half months ago. To me it feels more like 4 or 5 months ago. At least I understand now that , yes, there is such a thing as Complicated Grief.

[@loveisintheair4463]

How did u deal?

[@kimlisia7458]

@@loveisintheair4463 it was insanely hard. I had just had my first child, newborn baby at the time to. My mum and baby daughter met briefly before she passed. My husband suggested I study. I thought he was Insane to suggest such a thing. But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. It gave me something to focus on, it helped to look to the future and knowing my mum would have been really proud was an added driving force. Now after almost three years, I'm reached a level of piece. Knowing and being OK with being happy and living my life, not feeling guilty. Because I know all my mum ever wanted for me was to be happy. I hope this has helped xo

[@qpfj]

Thank you SO MUCH Dr. Delaney. My beloved mother died a couple of days ago, and I am hurting very deeply. You helped me understand my broken heart and the chaotic thoughts of guilt that I should have done this or that. I am so close to my mother even in death --- it is a chemical attachment and that is hard to get control over. I will now go through this very, very difficult reality and take one day at a time. God Bless All who have lost a beloved one.

[@TheGinger062964]

Thank you so much for the very informative talk. I lost my 28 y/o son 15 months ago. I feel as though the tears have slowed down but the numbness has increased. My motivation, desires, hopes, energy is all gone. I can't imagine living years without him or like this.

[@susandelaney2369]

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Grief really does bring us to our knees. But please do consider seeing someone who understands complicated grief and can work with you to remember your son with love rather than with pain.

[@Belinda808]

Hi Ginger I cannot imagine your suffering. I really hope you will reach out and get the support that you so richly deserve.

[@loveconquersall143]

It truly is the hardest thing ever. I am sending you so much love, healing, peace, joy, happiness now and in your future days & years ahead. I wish I could hug you & console you every day until you feel better! I hope you're ok?! 🙏💝🌹😘 I can relate, I just lost my best friend, housemate, carer (he was like my partner, friend & son all rolled into one) suddenly (he was at home on his own when he passed - and that in itself brings its own guilt upon me). He'd just turned 30 and right now I feel exactly like you do. I am so depressed & so lost. I feel totally alone & abandoned. I don't know how I'm going to make it through this without him xo

[@Tamizsaelvi]

Dear Dr.Susan It has been 3.5 years since I lost my beloved 19 year old son to a freak bike accident.He did nt know bike rider,but always was a pillion on his best friend s bike. we lost both of them.. I watched your videos on grief and the ball &jar analogy is something that is itched in my mind. I am now a ceritified grief counsellor and keep lifting people from the deepest valley of despair...Watching this talk after a long time soothes my heart.Thank you very much for your honest presentation.

[@EMuro-wu7uy]

This speaks so much to me. It's easy to say something without understanding it. When we're small we don't understand how our bodies work, our brain, our circulatory systems, but we move forward every day. We are constantly learning new things about our bodies, our brains, so thinking of life, and grief in the same way, is about learning about life in general. I didn't understand how much grief has shaped my life. I explained something traumatic early in life, and explaining how it affected me is exhilarating for me. Because being compassionate and loving is how that grief changes you. I can't go back, but I can move forward. Because I can choose to be a better person

[@gregwgeary]

Thank you Susan. I lost my son three weeks ago. Your talk meant a lot to me.

[@punkiesmx]

Greg Geary I'm sorry for your loss

[@kayhuddleston1972]

prayers brother

[@GS-st9ns]

Gabrielle. I am horribly sorry for your loss yes. There are no words except those. I lost my son to a drunk driver 6 years ago and it feels like yesterday. I was in the 10%,

[@airbusLAX]

I'm sorry for you loss Greg. I lost my Mom 3 months ago and I just can't imagine what you're going through. I hope you're able to find some comfort and relief sometime.

[@shalajakategaonkar6654]

May god give u stragnth to bear loss,

[@rosey525]

I could never find anyone who could relate to what I experienced until one night in desperation I just googled the phase "unyielding grief" and a bunch of hits came up for "complicated grief". It was so nice to finally have a word to describe my experience and also to know that I'm not alone. Simple grief is like having a broken arm, but complicated grief is like a cancer. It will metastasize and kill your spirit first, then it will kill your body. And every day when you wake up it feels like day 1 of the devastation. You relive the pain everyday and it never gets better, if anything it gets worse.

[@donnaking3344]

B yes. I feel that way. I don’t think I can get through this.

[@chrisjohnson2246]

@@donnaking3344 I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you loved, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my wife 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer. I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number [phone] or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could email you?

[@brendadrumm9708]

You are not alone I know how you feel x

[@anupamacv6108]

Hey.. I know its been 4 years.. Has it gotten any better?? Iam going through something similar

[@Grundoon31]

Thank you Susan. Your words are so helpful. I lost my beautiful 23 year old son 8 weeks ago. I’m in agony. Your talk helped validate what I’m going while giving me hope.

[@juvylinevelasco]

I just lost my mother less than 2 mos. I'm afraid to move or start anything because I'm afraid of ending. Life is terrifying. It always shows how much we're out of control of everything.

[@joellenhousego4639]

My Mom died yesterday. I can't sleep, so I watched this. It helped a bit. I don't imagine ever being able to sleep again, because I'd forget she was gone and then wake up and remember. That seems unbearable. I have lots of friends and a loving husband, but I feel completely alone and frightened.

[@catherinepowell5634]

Thank you so much, your talk finally gave me a name as to what I've been going through after losing my boyfriend of 20years to cancer. I was in total denial...I can't even be in the same room as his Urn and pictures, when I try and go to where we liked to eat I see him there, his Memories are everywhere, in our backyard, pool, camping...It's been 5 months. The month before he passed I lost my beautiful sis. Thank you for listening❤

[@Adriana.Gabriela]

💕💕💕

[@chrisjohnson2246]

I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you loved, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my wife 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer. I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number [phone] or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could email you?

[@victoriaMalinauskas]

Both my parents and my aunt died within a year of each other. That was 4 and 5 years ago. It still feels like yesterday and I still can't imagine my future.

[@CountessKitten]

My favorite Ted Talk ever! Her soft spoken manner and her delicate and sincere delivery of what she is saying is perfect! 💜

[@chrysistef4514]

I lost my wonderful dad 2 months ago. This TEDx talk hit home. The psychiatrist I visited in order to get some weeks off of works and be close to my mom, went on describing the stages of grief and all the stereotypical things one would say, alongside with subscribing me antidepressants. Just like that. No time given to naturally process things, no mentioning diet or maybe vitamin intake, no suggesting anything else. This fast pace world 🌎 needs to stop and let people breathe.

[@dewdrop4330]

My mother died 2 weeks ago. I’m happy she is resting. I thought my mourning wouldn’t feel so heavy. I thought I’d be ok with it and just go on normally. That’s so unrealistic. I understand it now.

[@lemonringo566]

I was at the talk last year, I cried at the end. It was such a heart-wrenching talk.

[@floare79]

I am so sorry for your loss.

[@thesmithfamily7916]

I found a place where the people that have gone through what I gone through and feel like I feel. I think we all understand we lost someone we love and it’s not something that we get over...ever!

[@TheGinger5678]

The most healing talk on grief i have experienced...I have learned to honor the person and the pain as part of my being human....the relationship does continue on a different..more intimate level.

[@chrisjohnson2246]

I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you loved, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my wife 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer. I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number [phone] or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could email you?

[@rebeccasantos8790]

I came here looking for ways how to figure out this grieving process. I am clueless. It's just too much. I lost my baby girl 3 months ago because of leukemia. So thank you for this! Finally! No talk of 5 stages nor moving on. I can never move on from my love for my sweet girl, she's the best things that ever happened to me. The love of my life. I'll make sure her memories live on

[@kelseyjowest4562]

Thank you Susan. My brother was killed almost three years ago and I can’t seem to accept it. God bless you for the work you do for other people

[@velaria4930]

hope your are better now

[@gred8821]

Im still grieving for the 17 year old brother I lost at age 13... too many friends to count.. my younger sister to cancer... all three of my brothers to illness and accident.. both of my parents within 5 months of each other... best friends... good friends... then I lost my beautiful 22 year old grandson to a vicious cancer... I'm done. I'll never get over this. there's not enough time in the world to get over this. My heart goes out to all those who have loved and lost.

[@heshmatkerman6116]

Hi, I am so very sorry for all u have been through. There are no words to tell. I just hope there is an after life, where u can reunite with your loved one some day.

[@teresabasinger5965]

My husband of 32 years died June 5th, 2019. My mom was killed in a car crash June 20th, 2019. Needless to say, I am a basket case. I needed this.

[@heidimarifilipiak4430]

[@zhwa1883]

Teresa Basinger I hope gods helps you getting over these difficult and hard times. I hope you will be stronger than the pain.i hope you find happiness again

[@richardmcguinn732]

I came across your comment at the grief of love ones post here on KZbin. ☹️That’s so touching and I know how it feels to be lonely without our love ones, we've all loss our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I truly understand how you feel cos I’ve felt same unbearable experiences before but death is just inevitable no matter how hard we try! And we'll all have to face it someday, and every of our love ones we’ve loss will always want to see us happy again wherever they’re. I loss my oldest daughter Annabel February 24th 2020 in a crucial car accident, and she just turned 22 on her last birthday before she got knocked down by a moving vehicle 🚗 and so unlucky for me that horrible day the driver was drunk. That was the worst and most lamenting day of my whole life as a single Dad raising two kid's, my 17 years old son Clark and my 4 legged 🐶 families are my everything and the reason I still keep strong, and keep going! My late wife passed away three years ago from a shocking disease, I felt devastated with grief, and I was so heartbroken 💔 but God and time are indeed the best healers. Hope you’ve found peace, comfort and happiness again? I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! So it would be nice to get a reply from you when you got time okay. 🌹🌹

[@ShaleeSue]

I lost my mom when I was 15. 8 years ago now. There's not a day that doesn't go by that I don't think of her and wish that she was here. There's not a month that I don't cry over how much I miss her. I'm better now then when it happened but at times that pain is still just as fresh

[@KM-wv2og]

Thank you for not trying to be funny, or to generate comedy moments or to demonstrate to the audience how witty you can be in the depths of despair like so many other Ted talkers.

[@trinaperfect5638]

Thank you so much! It's been a month since my boyfriend died and today I felt especially hurt, and your kind words helped me a lot, I should admit. Thank you, truly

[@rebecca3911]

I lost my mum a year ago suddenly, I’ve always been extremely close to her. The closeness no one can ever imagine, how bad is the grief is deeply related to how the person nourished our life, that’s why it’s a unique experience. I’m not depressed but I certain lost more than than half of my heart! I still talk to others and I work normally, deep inside I cannot enjoy things. Everything lost its materialistic meaning, I knew how happy I was when I had her, and I know I will never get that degree of happiness back. Trying to stay positive as I know that’s what she would want for me! But still sadness come back strike me, hope is gone as she’s gone, too many beautiful memories that I cannot bear to think, everything is rather meaningless to me. Same time it makes me mentally resilient, in a way that I cannot seem to stand people who has everyone /everything around but still whining about their so called depression...to me they are just selfish, they don’t care their family/ parents/ siblings...love the ones they still have! But not all the people are connected to the person they lost... so it’s a lonely journey that we have to do it ourselves... so hard ... and the worst of all is that even you have tried this hard way.. it doesn’t even make you will feel better,,,because you will never feel better of losing them!!

[@lehongphat2030]

I totally understand. Losing my mom on my 29th birthday, since then, I cannot enjoy every single thing in life. Everything is done in a very compulsory manner. I keep searching and reading comments and answers from those who lost their moms in order to be connected. However, when it comes to night, I feel so lonely that I can't accept the fact that I no longer have mom in my life, keep asking such question as how my life would be without my mom. I know grief is endless, and it comes to waves. But somehow when I don't feel it, I try to remind myself to think of it so that I wont forget my beloved mom.

[@chanterenedillon3921]

You hit the nail right on the head. This is exactly how I feel. It's been a year but it gets overwhelming in some moments

[@cameronchristiansamson4792]

Thankyou Susan. 😔 I cried alot. Pretty much all spot on. This is me 10 years of my life 💛 thankyou

[@bambithumper8644]

Whoever sent this to me...Thank you so much! I'm going to write that book. And share this with the 🌎

[@susandelaney2369]

Please do , we need more people writing about grief. Kind regards, Susan

[@sallybeale9865]

Having lost my husband last December suddenly I feel very sad not being able to say goodbye.Thank you for this video.I take each day as it comes, some good, some bad.Feeling empty and lost.I feel very grateful for my beautiful memories.I just want to remember the good times.

[@richardmcguinn732]

I came across your comment at the grief of love ones post here on KZbin. ☹️That’s so touching and I know how it feels to be lonely without our love ones, we've all loss our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I truly understand how you feel cos I’ve felt same unbearable experiences before but death is just inevitable no matter how hard we try! And we'll all have to face it someday, and every of our love ones we’ve loss will always want to see us happy again wherever they’re. I loss my oldest daughter Annabel February 24th 2020 in a crucial car accident, and she just turned 22 on her last birthday before she got knocked down by a moving vehicle 🚗 and so unlucky for me that horrible day the driver was drunk. That was the worst and most lamenting day of my whole life as a single Dad raising two kid's, my 17 years old son Clark and my 4 legged 🐶 families are my everything and the reason I still keep strong, and keep going! My late wife passed away three years ago from a shocking disease, I felt devastated with grief, and I was so heartbroken 💔 but God and time are indeed the best healers. Hope you’ve found peace, comfort and happiness again? I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! So it would be nice to get a reply from you when you got time okay. 🌹🌹

[@Kristen10-22]

Thank you so much for your talk. My younger bro by 2 yrs passed this Jan. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think his feet aren’t touching the pavement anymore. Thank you for validating my feelings. Grief is the ocean tides. My emotions jump all Over. Thank you

[@karinlarsen2608]

My brother was just 18 months younger. I lost him when I was 24 to a motorcycle wreck. Often I feel like I'm living for him

[@DanaRaquel]

It really is that feeling, how are their feet not touching the pavement. I lost my dad two weeks ago. He was just 63. He loved going to jazz clubs and was always out there.. hard to comprehend

[@tutukathy]

I cannot imagine ever getting over the death of my little girl three days ago from a widowmaker, she was the sunshine of my life. In her 47 years, we were apart just one year, after she married and moved to Omaha. Once I realized that I could not get over the separation anxiety, I moved to Omaha too. She came over to see me nearly every single day. She was especially attentive, helping me to get over my mother's death, 7 months ago, from a heart attack her doctor was treating with antacid. Why didn't we insist she get a check up? If it weren't for my granddaughter, I am sure I would stop taking my life saving meds. I have had to take for the past 6 years, following my 2 heart attacks.

[@chrisjohnson2246]

I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you loved, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my wife 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer. I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number [phone] or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could email you?

[@Sarah-xz6fj]

This was such a brilliant talk. I pretty much cried throughout the talk. Would be great if there were some links to the services she talked about. Thank you Dr Susan Delaney x

[@susandelaney2369]

I'm glad you found it useful Sarah. We have a list of trained therapists in Ireland, so please do contact the Irish Hospice Foundation if you would like more information

[@loveconquersall143]

@@susandelaney2369 what if you live in Australia? X

[@sharieloik6217]

Complicated Grief ...Thank you for doing this talk and informing so many of this type of reaction to loss. Your examples were powerful and I will forever to grateful that I heard this TEDx Talk!

[@susandelaney2369]

thank you, I'm glad you found it useful

[@lighterbeing]

This is so good, thank you. Love the gentle and kind voice, it is a healing balm.

[@lisataylor1081]

@@susandelaney2369 My Mama died of melanoma in 1987. I was 19 years old. We were close and had a co-dependent relationship. I am now almost 52, and the intense pain has only gotten worse. I have meltdowns, that make scream and cry. Then intense anger sets in. I begin to beat hard surfaces with my fist, wanting badly the satisfaction of mutilating something.{ You can probably tell I'm an only child. } My mind daily plays the tapes, and relives the last months of her life. I can still hear her screaming in pain, because the morphine wasn't working. I can hear her telling me how much she loved me, and that she loved me more than anything. I tried to get her to split up her bottles of morphine, and me swallow half and her swallow half. I wanted us to go to Heaven together. She begged our small family to please stay beside her til the last breathe. She was in a deep coma. Her BP was quickly dropping. Hospice nurse said she only had hours to live. It was midnight, and we'd been there at the hospital all day. We knew we had to deal with the funeral the next few days. I still remember which relative was standing where, around here bed. I remember the wallpaper. I remember the distinct smell in the room. At 12:15 my family said that we had to leave. She could still hear us, and knew we were leaving. I hated myself for 27 years for not being the grown up 19 year I was, and refusing to leave. I still see all of us kissing her goodbye, one by one. The pain has never gotten better. The only thing I want is to be with her. Counseling has made me worse. When the sessions were over, I was just angry, and wanted to goose the gas pedal all the way down to the floor. I need inpatient help, but I'm scared of what will happen. I don't want them to take me off any current meds that are helping me. Often God has used my cat, to keep me from suicide. I am also trying to make the right choices for my 80 year old father. My 30 year old son lives with me, and has disabilities. All I want is to escape the pain !

[@lisataylor1081]

Please help ME !

[@chrisjohnson2246]

@@lisataylor1081 I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you loved, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my wife 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer. I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number [phone] or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could email you?

[@keishashearman9070]

Finally somebody who understands I felt as if you gave me a shoulder to lean on

[@The-bi5ry]

My father died two years ago and I had a very complicated relationship with him. The last time I had seen him was 2 yrs before he passed away because I am studying abroad. Just a msg from my sister that he is no more and to come home. I've only gotten worse as the months have gone by. My university has gotten worse and I even ruined my thesis. I can only hope I can learn to live with it.

[@nektekket852]

Thank you so much for this. I lost my Patsy a year ago, and it's just hit me really hard, this has helped me get some perspective, it's messy, but I'm alive and moving.

[@sarahconnor4757]

So true..I was my best self with my husband. I functioned better. No one would want to feel even a minute of grief!

[@lindaojo2]

Death ends a life, not a relationship.

[@michellejohnson7955]

What an amazing woman! People say I should see a councillor... I wish I could find someone like you, you make so much sense! My boyfriend killed himself the night before the 1st lockdown because he thought he wouldn’t see me! I still pine so much for him and feel so guilty. I feel stuck in my own little bubble.

[@orangepets]

That's so terrible, Michelle. I'm so incredibly sorry. I hope you find some peace. 💚

[@michellejohnson7955]

@@orangepets Thankyou soo much for your kind words 💛 I’m trying to live with it, and even meditating to calm myself down, which is helping 🙂

[@garyrayner6501]

I know my griefs delayed, further more, complicated by foul play and interference on a monumental scale and ongoing events absolutely impacting you NOW

[@valentinefeatherstone6931]

Nailed it! I lost my mom 16 years ago.... and I have to say that what she said is exactly how my journey has been since I lost her... and my dad died about 4 years ago.... it's been a very interesting to now recognize the feelings and now know I will keep living life, I will have good days and I will cry the next.... This was great thank you!

[@hawaiidispenser]

One of the best talks on grief. Thank you.

[@teresmajor6954]

I lost my mom two Weeks ago. I’m still in denial, I hate myself for not doing enough. I never thought it’d happen to me so soon, I never told her how much I love her. I am in my final year of college and she didn’t get to see me graduate. 😔. How do I move on? How do I go on like it never happened? I should have been there by her side. I should have given her more words of encouragement. I loathe myself sometimes, I don’t know if I can feel better. Lord, please help me.

[@SuperNishkid]

When people have criticized my feelings 5+ years post death, and compare to their experience where they have moved on faster/in a bigger way. its almost like a defense mechanism in my head that tells me "they didn't love their person enough". Im stuck between these conflicting thoughts because part of me agrees with them, and makes me feel like I'm going crazy,. its been 7 years yesterday, I went from being okay for weeks to sitting in my car feeling almost paralyzed, Ive been stuck.

[@Musicandcatsmeow]

Thank you for such powerful messages, you understand grief, I feel so gotten and understood by you. A lot of people in my community doesn’t support me in grieving, they wants me to snap out of it, they don’t understand that’s what I need to experiencing grief and even many years I still am sad wishing my loved ones are here. I think of them hoping they would hear me.

[@kayhuddleston1972]

WE do not do death right in this country. We do not face it with a part of life. The thing I wish the most is that we all were the same!!!! I know then we could understand why some people do not even seem to care. It is a brave face. I hate it. We cant reach out to all our friends the same. Grief separates people ,we lose friends and family that are alive too. It needs addressing. No one brought food. My family did not support me. NO stories,

[@ck8180]

Thankyou for your gentle words

[@hailstea]

I am going to use this as a source for my presentation on grief at school. Specifically the model you used for the flu VS. grief. Very informational and helpful. Such an amazing and inspiring Ted Talk!

[@brendadrumm9708]

Hayley tell the school my bit of story I'm broken I'm finished I'm seventy I lost the reason for living around seven yrs ago when I lost my daughter Claire if you were to have seen her you would agree how beautiful she was beautiful blue eyes dark hair a beautiful set of natural dark eyelashes etc then yr half apart I lost Joe he was a gentleman he had the same good looks my life is a nightmare

[@lisetbernal8697]

Thano you, one of the most compasionated speech i herad😔

[@dorianr4770]

this is me. frozen in grief forever is a thing. my broken brain, my poor heart.

[@debbieaguilar5498]

I lost my father 12 years ago, then my mom two years later and five years later my big brother whom I looked at as my second father. It’s been really difficult and I remember so much details from every painful experience that sometimes feels like it was yesterday. Years later I feel so lost and sometimes guilty for how things happened. Thinking seriously about getting some therapy.

[@blackluxury5585]

Please act on it and talk to someone. My brother passed almost 2 weeks ago and I already have my first session scheduled tomorrow

[@madmoe4]

I lost my wide of 36 years January 2024 to ovarian cancer . She was my love and my best friend. I’m still trying to navigate this. My grief counselor tells me I’m in survival mode, doing what I have to do, such as cooking, eating, some housework. I still talk to her when I’m alone. I know she is in heaven watching over me. I look forward to when we will be together forever, but only on God’s time.

[@DeblerQueen]

My brother, my best friend, died six years ago. Two months ago, my mother died. I haven't gotten over my brother's death and am working on mom's. (Dad died 12 years ago) I identify with the lack of joy. One day at a time and the Lord Jesus holds me up, but it can get very tedious.

[@PraveenSrJ01]

I will definitely keep you in my thoughts and prayers and will definitely be nicer to everyone

[@newph0newhodis]

She talk about 5 main people in your life. But what if the person you lost was the only person you could really confide in? What if you have friends but no close or best friends? How do you move on? What is there to look forward to or stay alive for?

[@IsekaiCook]

I lost the sense of purpose. Every achievement or things that i do has lost meaning after i lost my dad. I did not see him for 2 years, and when i finally came home he was already in the coffin. I am scared, sad and worried for my mom, as she will be living home alone without my dad.

[@tosha723]

My mother recently sent me an article about complicated grief and after reading it she was sure this is what I was dealing with and at first I didn't really give it a second thought but now after watching this I'm sure this is what is happening to me! I lost my son at 8 days old and I wasn't there with him when he died so it made it al, the more traumatic for me. I have never gotten over his death and the pain is as raw today as it was when it actually happened and it has really got a hold on me emotionally. It's been almost 14 yrs why can't I move on from it?

[@susandelaney2369]

I'm sorry to hear about your baby son, the death of a child is so very difficult and we know that it is a risk factor for developing complicated grief. I hope you can find a therapist who can do a thorough interview with you and help you understand why you feel stuck and why you can't move on. The Irish Hospice Foundation can give you names of trained therapists in Ireland if that is useful

[@josebernaolalicetti6751]

May you find peace and move on, in the healthy way this video discribed. I can imagine it's really hard but I'm also sure you have lots of things to live for (including your baby's memory).

[@cametientaucoeur]

I lost my husband of 50 years to Cancer,not quite a year ago. As a retired RN, I feel some of the complications of my grief relate to marriage issues/health issues of his disease complicated with his alcoholism. It is,to me, the more serious problems within your relationship, usually hidden from self & others, the more prolonged/ distorted the grief. It is filled with all kinds of unresolved surfacing burdens that lead to guilt, frustration that you can no longer try to fix. You carry on, but just below the surface sadness/despair circles & leaks out…

[@theresepazell7875]

She has helped me so much.was on the verge of giving up.God Bless her.Thank You....

[@taishahaywood9102]

Miss you more than words can compare

[@Zane_Ritchie]

My Grandma will never leave me. Never. But this is a good way to move forward I believe

[@larryhughes3355]

My fiancé just passed away 13 days ago. I’m so broken it hurts really really bad. Idk if I’m ever gonna go back to me. This has taken every bit of happiness from me and it’s crazy.

[@johnpage6339]

I suffer with complicated grief but I never knew that it existed at all until today. My wife passed over three months ago and I have bipolar disorder. On top of that my thyroid gland became overactive. I do not want to get up and I can not engage with the outside world in any way shape or form. I feel trapped inside myself and I can not see that i I will ever be able to be any different to the way that I am now. Thank you for posting this video as it has helped my to gain insight

[@suzannesherrill7001]

Overactive thyroid often comes after the death of a spouse. I have Graves Disease. Look up the disease online. A person who had it and has written blogs says that death of a spouse os the #1 traumatic experience that happened a year or two before diagnosis.

[@kimberlysmith5404]

Exceptional speech. Wonderful expression from the point of view and emotion al bodies of those left behind. Thank you for your understanding and sincere effort to help those that still need to heal from their loss. God bless..

[@joetrudnak9589]

So much good stuff here I can’t wait to share with my dad.

[@mattparr3038]

Its such a terrible feeling grief, thats the price we pay when we love so hard. We hurt hard too.

[@PraveenSrJ01]

It is definitely is the worst feeling in the world 🌎

[@mattparr3038]

@PraveenSrJ01 yep, its rough.

[@JT55AU]

I'm a shadow of who I once was after my father passed. That was 11 years ago. Almost every personality trait that made me who I am is gone. Where do I begin seeking help for CG? Most therapists and psychiatrists I've seen dismiss the idea.

[@susandelaney2369]

Jeff, I am so sorry that that has been your experience. The Irish Hospice Foundation can provide you with names of practitioners who are knowledgeable and trained in complicated grief if you would like to email them

[@jenniferolmstead139]

Susan Delaney May I get a copy of these counselors trained in the complicated grieving process, please, as well ?

[@jenniferolmstead139]

I understand this concept, for sure!

[@JamesWSmith-sj2zg]

Jeff, Glad to know I'm not alone. I'm a 48yo career military (and family) man. I lost my father unexpectedly three years ago, who lived to be 79. I've come to understand my father's personality counterbalanced mine. He was the voice of reason, peace and harmony for myself and others in the family, while I was the physical machine that maintained the working parts. Not only am I unable to fulfill those missing needs for myself, but also for others who are looking to me for it. They missing link is gone. With that said, I have doubted any solution and am incomplete and broken.

[@kayhuddleston1972]

I am this way with my mom. You have to see yourself for you alone and the big picture. read about co dependancy and feeling safe you can do this you will not lose him let yourself go. once you turn around he is still there forever.

[@thgentleman9210]

I'm dealing with the lose of my father he had bad health and I witnessed his death massive heart attack.. its only been a month it feels so painful and numb at the same time... I hope to God I can have a happy life ..

[@Carolina-iy8xd]

Youll be okay. Lost my dad almost the same way. I hope you are doing well, and you are in my thoughts today. ❤

[@jenniferolmstead139]

Yes, there were So many people who were "attachment figures" in my life, who passed away unexpectedly in March, 2013; and my Mom was one of these dear people. My Senior Pastor passed away 8 days before my Mom did. And, my dear brother-in-law's Dad (whom I knew well), also died on the same day as Pastor John did ! But, my precious Dad passed away exactly 5 years and 4 days before my Mom did . . .

[@Kristen10-22]

Yea I’m stuck... his traumatic passing ... I wonder where he is, can he see me, is he with Jesus, is it scary to die?

[@WP-kk2ro]

Survivor OfMany me too, I wonder everyday

[@4spremilimone]

My Mom died 12 days ago. Ecclesiastes 9:5,6. For the living know that they will die, but the dead know nothing at all. Your loved one unconscious. When Jesus friend Lazarus died he told the disciples that Lazarus had fallen asleep and he was going there to awaken him. John 11:11-14. Jesus likened death to sleep and promised that all those in the Memorial tombs (emphasis on memory, our dead loved ones are in God’s memory, he can recreate them from dust, as Adam was created from dust) would come out (be resurrected to life on earth) on the last day (John 5:28). The last day refers to the 1000 year reign of Christ (2Peter 3:5 one day is with Jehovah as a thousand years and a thousand years as one day.) We have this promise at 1Corinthians 15:26 And the last enemy , death, is to be brought to nothing. Please take comfort in knowing that you will see him again.

[@vikrantkhanna4100]

you know Stacey mother's should never die .After my mother i felt that something in me died a part of myself .Lots of counselling and promises that she is with you and will meet you in other world someday. But the truth is we loved her physical presence and for me I don't know whether these promises are real to meet my mother again .Presently the future for me is storm swept desolation and really waiting to meet her whether in bundles of energy or physical self but not closure yet. So sorry for your loss and i can fathom the level of grief you are experiencing as i am experiencing the same vacuum. We can't get over it ,never. Just think happy moments.

[@isabellafava4109]

This has helped me immensely. Thank you.

[@susandelaney2369]

I’m glad you found the talk useful. Please go easy with yourself during this time. Sending kind regards, Susan

[@susandelaney2369]

Isabella ; I’m glad you found the talk helpful. Kind regards, Susan

[@mattparr3038]

To be honest ive no idea how i cope, i think the fact i want to live helps. Just put one foot in front of the other.. and do my best.

[@sharonmason6749]

I feel like a little lost girl. Susan delayney is good to listen to

[@richardmcguinn732]

I came across your comment at the grief of love ones post here on KZbin. ☹️That’s so touching and I know how it feels to be lonely without our love ones, we've all loss our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I truly understand how you feel cos I’ve felt same unbearable experiences before but death is just inevitable no matter how hard we try! And we'll all have to face it someday, and every of our love ones we’ve loss will always want to see us happy again wherever they’re. I loss my oldest daughter Annabel February 24th 2020 in a crucial car accident, and she just turned 22 on her last birthday before she got knocked down by a moving vehicle 🚗 and so unlucky for me that horrible day the driver was drunk. That was the worst and most lamenting day of my whole life as a single Dad raising two kid's, my 17 years old son Clark and my 4 legged 🐶 families are my everything and the reason I still keep strong, and keep going! My late wife passed away three years ago from a shocking disease, I felt devastated with grief, and I was so heartbroken 💔 but God and time are indeed the best healers. Hope you’ve found peace, comfort and happiness again? I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! So it would be nice to get a reply from you when you got time okay. 🌹🌹

[@sharonmason6749]

@@richardmcguinn732 thankyou for your thoughts I'm so sorry for loss of yr young daughter it is so awful I cannot imagine how that would feel as our kids are everything to us. And the loss of your wife that is alot to deal with. But as you say time heals some of the pain. Memories are always in our heart.

[@richardmcguinn732]

@@sharonmason6749 You’re absolutely welcome Sharon, I’ve personally experienced how unfair life can be to us at times but we must do everything we can be strong.

[@richardmcguinn732]

@@sharonmason6749 And yes our kids means the world to us, honestly speaking no parent deserve to bury his or her child. ☹️

[@Cil3464]

Thank you Susan Delaney 🙏❤️

[@VictoriaStobbie]

Everything she said was true. And my sister and I have experienced this. After my grandma died, only a little over a month ago. But we found when we were together we would laugh, and I noticed we have never laughed so loud and over consecutive days. Which was weird. But I guess that's our body trying to tell us something.

[@ayneeali5356]

Thnks so much for this talk Dr Susan..I have lost my bf of 6 yrs and im currently went thru the grief and what u said is absolutely true.its been 100 days and im trying my best everyday to live my life by going to work..meet my friends and at the same time he's always forever will be..i have no idea what the future will be..i missed him soo soo soo much and hope he is well on the other side...