Let us know what would change your grief through the support offered to you from your family, friends, and coworkers. Join our Grievolution Collective to challenge, meet and support your Grief. www.jomcrogers.com/grievolution-collective.html
@nireeburr Жыл бұрын
That’s a hard one.. It’s too hard to get any support from anyone if it’s free. Only when it cost can I get that help.
@joandias7400 Жыл бұрын
Jo, I am grieving the death of my brother May 20, 2022. I have found it extremely difficult to find counseling near me that I can afford. Any suggestions?
@marieeckert10702 жыл бұрын
This is so true. I lost my husband of 51 years in 2018 . No one listened. All I was told is now you can do what you always wanted. My answer is I was doing what I wanted. My husband didn't keep me from living my life. 9 months ago I lost my youngest daughter. 45 years old. She died suddenly in her sleep. No health issues. Just gone. No one wants to listen. Everyone has suggestions on what I should be doing. I don't need entertainment. I need someone to hear me. I am 74, I live alone, my children live out of state. I am in the same house for 47 years . There is comfort in my home. People keep telling me move. Some times I feel like I have to comfort them. They don't realize they don't need to say anything. Just sit with me. Let me talk. No one can fix it. I like listening to you Jo. It helps to know someone out there understands.
@lisabennett12532 жыл бұрын
I'm so sorry Marie. You are right. You need someone to listen. WE need just for someone to listen. I am sorry you aren't getting support. Did you know you can do zoom appointments with Jo? I was so tired of people making stupid comments and correcting them (yes, you are allowed to correct people) that I made my first appointment with Jo and it has been so helpful that I have continued for a couple of months now. Can you try that? It hurts my heart to read your comment. You need support. Thinking of you Marie.
@scorchedgorse26492 жыл бұрын
I am very sorry for both your huge losses. Jo also has an online private group. It's young still and a safe space. I hope you find the support you need. X
@user-pi5td4gq5n2 жыл бұрын
I went through a similar situation when I lost my adult son and living alone. I wanted the same thing but never got it. My grief and health suffered by not having that witness or just someone to listen. My heart hears you. ❤
@sharonlujan949711 ай бұрын
My hwart goes out to you for the loss of your husband . My prayers go out to you, and I pray maybe you find a new church or support group to help uou get through this.
@maryannehaffner32942 жыл бұрын
I do not like the question "How are you doing?" I would rather be asked, "How can I best support you today?" The support and listening changes from day to day that I need. Thank you for asking, Jo!
@kvm1228 Жыл бұрын
I don't know how to respond when asked that question because I really don't think they want my honest answer: I feel like shit. I'm only 6 weeks into this but I feel like I'm going to be a rock star of support when I'm needed. I never wanted to be a member of this Grievers Club, but I'm here and I'm learning and I hate it.
@sheilasweet7658 Жыл бұрын
I just lost my mom after caring for her for 20 months here at home in hospice. She lived with us for 18 years. I’m lost and raw right now. But one thing I’ve been very blown away by are a few people I thought I was very close to and how they didn’t even come to her wake. A heart emoji just doesn’t cut it. So I find myself learning from this and really reviewing who has been with me on this journey and who hasn’t. Perhaps it’s part of the anger process? I’m literally stunned by a couple of them. Yet so very grateful for those that have supported me and trying to remain focused on that.
@sharonlujan949711 ай бұрын
Try not to feel to bad about that. My mom died at 2020 in a nursing home and caught covid 19. She struggeled to breathe until the end, and they had to stop the ventillator. I still cant believe this happened to her and because it was time of covid 19 my siater hasnt had a funeral for her yet!!
@marsgrrrl2 жыл бұрын
The support that I find most helpful is that which demands nothing from me: not an explanation as to ‘how I’m doing,’ not a description of what I’m going through, not an answer as to why x isn’t what I’m doing. Just recognising that it takes all of my emotional energy just to exist now, and that any further demands are too much - even when those demands come out of love.
@AngelinaX232 жыл бұрын
Exactly!
@carolmusselman88592 жыл бұрын
I'm grieving the death of my Mom and struggling with depression, it is so hard
@shirleykaye43442 жыл бұрын
@@carolmusselman8859 Hi Carol, thanks for your recent message. I am sorry about your loss and how painful it has been. You loved your mother, you miss her, so having emotional pain and depression are natural. It is OK to feel the way you do. You aren’t broken or weak, or any if those other trite sayings. You are a loving human being. I’m sending you virtual hugs and want you to know that I care, and so do the people who follow this channel. If you can find even one person who will listen, and not judge or try to “fix” you, I believe that it would be helpful. It may turn out to be someone you haven’t even met yet. I’ve lost both of my parents, and it has been so painful. And there have been many times that I felt that I could not go on without my dad, but I’m still here. I have faith that because you are reaching out for help, help will come. Healing isn’t instant. Some days I just try to make it to 8 pm, or through the next hour, next minute, next second. It is ok. There is no time limit on grief. 🤗🤗🤗🤗
@carolmusselman88592 жыл бұрын
@@shirleykaye4344 thank you so much for your tender reply, i live with my older sister and brother, I talk to her about missing mom, we all lived with our mom, and helped take care of her.
@wendystevenson67262 жыл бұрын
What I would like is for people to allow me to do my grief my way,acknowledge it, cry when I want or have to, being two years down the road now at times feels as if it’s the day my husband suddenly died. Keeping myself in check to help them feel good isn’t working for me. I just find most people don’t know what to do and that’s the truth. It’s my grief not theirs. I have two main supporters that have been with me since day one and I love and appreciate them so much. It’s hard for them to see me move along a at times at a snails pace. I find for me it’s best to speak my truth about how I feel. Keeping busy has exhausted me, it brings me back down and back to the anxiety and crying all over again. After listening to a number of these videos I have decided to slow down. Make sure I drink more water eat better and when outside keeping my garden tidy do it in sections. No day is the same and going through this 2nd year has been the worst the loneliness has really kicked in. Your family and friends have their own lives to live with their own ups and downs and i truly love them all💕 I live in New Zealand in my town I’ve yet to find a support group. I’ve been to the doctor and been referred to a general councillor and then after that experience found my own. She was very good but I think the best support for me would be to find a widows group. Maybe in time I might get the courage to start my own, who knows.🤷♀️ Thanks again for these video Jo they give me good guidance and hope.💕💖
@shirleykaye43442 жыл бұрын
I have a friend who I met in a bereavement support group quite a few years ago. We pulled each other through some very dark times. Just today he called, and he helps me in multiple ways that no one else does. He validates my feelings. He points out that I am not being self-compassionate, I’m being too hard on myself. And he reminds me that whenever I am facing change, big or small, my anxiety ramps up. And he always says that it is OK that I am feeling the way I do, self condemnation isn’t going to help me help myself. He often knows me better than I know myself. The video was right on target for me. Platitudes, “you should” statements, they are meant well but all they do is make me feel even worse about my grief and myself. When someone says “It is ok that you feel this way” it reminds me to be kind to myself, stop looking for a magic wand, and recognize that patience with myself and the world are all required to heal. A person may never get over a loss, but they can get through it. It will not be resolved by going around it, trying to distract yourself or condemning yourself for how you feel. But with faith that better days are ahead, and help getting to those days, will help you get through that wall of pain.
@jojogurl830212 жыл бұрын
I think the best way or at least one way would be to just having someone to talk to and listen to how much you are hurting, nothing really can help 💯 but just being able to share your grief with someone can help you through another day🙏🌹
@AngelinaX232 жыл бұрын
I started seeing a therapist today. It was good to have a real person, a professional, to talk to face to face, just for me.
@MrCanuckDon2 жыл бұрын
It likely could come under "acknowledgment" but I think "acceptance" of our grief would certainly be helpful from friends and family. In the grief journey, I am learning that our own personal acceptance of the grief resulting from our tremendous loss is a place where we eventually hope to get to with the understanding that our grief will be carried along with us for the rest of our lives. A great hope with so many of us is that those in our close social circles will accept this as well. This does, however, present a tricky situation. Do I now want to be viewed through the lens as someone continually grieving the loss of his partner? On the one hand...yes I do! I am forever changed and particularly now, with emotions still so raw, it would make this terrible time in my life so much easier to not be pressured and expected to function as before. But on the other hand, I'm not looking for pity and don't want others to treat me with kid gloves. Sadly, it's a lot to ask of others but for us grievers...the confused and devastated us who did not ask or want to be in this awful place....we simply can't come up with the most viable solutions. Likely the best approach is in realizing what helps lessen our suffering and through acceptance and understanding of that, that's where friends and family can best offer support.
@sherrycortese58562 жыл бұрын
This is so incredibly on target for me! The video, & you, succinctly state what I need & what helps sustain me. I have a friend who I hadn't talked to in many years who sought me out after the death of my husband. I believe it was a God thing that caused this anti-tech person to begin searching for me. In that search she found the obituary. We had moved twice since last I had spoke with her. She's been a kind & listening ear for the past 5 months. I tell the same woes multiple times & she just listens. When I express & confess my complete lack of 'doing' she doesn't judge or lecture. She gives me a pass. I consider her a wonderful gift from God. I hope to be able to pay it forward.
@patrid19 Жыл бұрын
My best friend got distant, she lies to me and tells me she’s working, told me she worked 96hours. That got me very angry, then she said, “ I can’t take your problems, it’s crisis after crisis with you” I’m done with her. My brother was murdered then I lost my husband, so if those are crisis after crisis, she can go shit in a hat ! But it hurts. It’s been 14months and I’m still broken.
@Staranoni Жыл бұрын
Be patient with your friend. You're needing her to give up her peace and joy. That's a hard compromise. Let her be there as she can, with little expectations. Maybe I'm wrong? I don't think so 🤔
@patrid19 Жыл бұрын
@@Staranoni No. she ended up ghosting me, so she was no friend to begin with. She claimed she couldn’t deal with the broken me. A fair weather friend, that’s a friendship I don’t want or need. Friends double our joy and divide our grief. I was there for her when both her parents passed as well as her brother. A little support thrown my way, nah, she had better things to do !
@patrid19 Жыл бұрын
@@Staranoni I never said I want her to give up her peace a joy. I wanted her to be supportive and give me a little bit of support wife’s not all ROZES people go through hard times. I’m going through a hard time she could not be here for me, but it was OK that I was there for her for her mother, father and brother but when it came to me it was, I can’t deal with it. It’s crisis after crisis, and I already said above what those two crises Were, so I don’t know what kind of friend you are what you expect in friends expecting her to give up her peace no I never said that do I wanted to be happy because I do she was my friend but when it came to giving me a little bit of support because she knew how depressed I was was she couldn’t do it she didn’t care if I died on the couch and that’s the bottom line you call that a friend or you that kind of friend I think you are
@patrid19 Жыл бұрын
And yes, you are WRONG! I don’t think you read what I wrote. I don’t didn’t want her to give up her joy or her happiness.
@patrid19 Жыл бұрын
And how about, “she be patient with me”? I’m the one that experienced trauma I’m the one that lost my husband but oh I should give her support and be patient with her You’ve got it backwards lady she should be gentle with me. She should be patient with me. I am the broken one. Remember, are you forgetting that?
@AngelinaX232 жыл бұрын
*Friends* text me saying, "Call me if you want to get together, have lunch, etc." Why can't THEY call and invite me out? I'm struggling to stay balanced and they expect me to initiate invitations? It's not going to happen.
@JOHNHEATON-l1f11 ай бұрын
Yes I agree why can’t they invite us.
@scorchedgorse26492 жыл бұрын
Thank you Jo. This is great, so, so 'simple' yet seems pretty rare in the day to day. I have a beautiful neighbour who is very supportive. Her personality leans towards positive outlook. She had been away on holidays and asked if I had anything planned myself. I told her I hadn't, that I wasn't able think along those lines at the moment. She embarked on suggesting a break might be a positive change... then... I saw her expression crumble and her mouth screeched to a halt and made a funny noise as though an old cassette player was trying to rewind. She said, sorry, and that she recognised she was possibly trying to comfort herself as much as me and it would be far more enriching to just be witness to where I am at. I felt so heard and understood in my Grief in that moment. We also had a good laugh at the way her face expressed her epiphany. It's rare though and I'm very grateful and thankful for her true empathy and insight
@lisabennett12532 жыл бұрын
Scorched Goose, I absolutely love the way you express yourself. I can feel every word and have been reading your comments for a while. Thank you so much for your beautiful soul, that you would take the time to share your heart with us.
@scorchedgorse26492 жыл бұрын
@@lisabennett1253 thank you so much for your kind words and support. Sending my support to you too ❤
@carolb3869 Жыл бұрын
When speaking to a therapist (or someone in that capacity) it is very helpful if they listen & hear (and take cues from me). Not the other way around. If I am talking about it, it’s important (significant) to me. I would say: let me talk and please hear me. I don’t have the energy to talk about things that do not pertain, or spend time reassuring the ‘support person’. I like what you said about not judging a grieving person’s actions ie: selling a home etc. We do not have to explain, however sometimes I feel like I have to ‘paint a picture’ for some. Accruing extra significant costs is not something I’m able to accommodate, thus selling is a priority. When I hear things like: ‘there’s no rush to sell’ I want to say: quit micro-managing me! What do they know?! They don’t! Thank you for this video💙
@boelschenlaer2 жыл бұрын
Thank you! Your videos are helping me a lot! 🙏🍀☺️ Right now I am in pain and will go for a short walk. That always helps me, too. I will listen to ALL Your videos, as well as Megans! 🙏💖🙏
@maryellenstankovich1511 Жыл бұрын
I'm reading Megan's book. I'm friends with some widows who understand where I'm coming from and it's comforting to know that the feelings I have aren't abnormal.
@clairecooke6268 Жыл бұрын
I agree that acknowledgment and simply being with you in your grief is important. I found many of the people I expected to be there for me, haven’t been, but others, who I barely knew have been absolute champions and still checking in on me nearly 12 months after the death of my husband. As well as acknowledgment, I would have felt better supported if people (a) didn’t try to stop me from crying or getting upset, saying we’d better change the subject if I so much as get a tear in my eye, and (b) invited me to spend time with them or their family, I have yet to receive a single invite to join others for a meal and I don’t have anyone suggesting we go out to this or that event. All the social events I have attended have been off my own initiative & determination to make my husband proud. He was an amazing human.
@jojogurl830212 жыл бұрын
I just started therapy past month and my therapist has me writing letters to my mom who passed away last August from ovid😔. I find writing this letter to be very emotional and disturbing 😥. I miss my mom so so much!!! I feel like I'll never get over loosing her😥. She is my everything! 🙏😔😥
@lisabennett12532 жыл бұрын
If you aren't ready yet to be writing these letters I don't think I would do it. I lost my dad to COVID a year and a half ago and just recently lost my husband. I couldn't write letters to them yet and even if I could, would never be able to share them with anyone. I would find it emotional and disturbing too.
@cp-ek5rs Жыл бұрын
I have found that if you don’t take people’s advice regarding your grief,they tend to avoid you.This includes family members.I have found it a very lonely situation .I wish people knew what Megan Devine knows.I don’t go weepy on people ,so it isn’t that which seems to make people feel they know how to help me get over my son’s suicide.I would like people who ask me how I am to allow me to tell the truth and not expect a”fine”.I would like people not to expect me to get over it quickly and enjoy life again.They give me advice on how to feel better .None if it works .Have tried ! Only thing that helps is watching your videos.Not an empty compliment.
@dredwardchisnall1017 Жыл бұрын
It was certainly interesting to see the perspective of your colleague Mega Devine, in using a kind of ‘skidoo’ approach to grief, to do with it rather than fight it for your friend. Rather accompany them on their grief way journey. Some days I feel happy and reconciled to Mary’s presence as well as her loss. At other times I am terrified that a relapse into rawness is immanent. At such times I think of your words but it can still be very bad.
@rosaleach7631 Жыл бұрын
Thank you Jo for this channel helps with my grief so much. The video is so true, how people just try saying positive things & being positive does not help at all. Instead I found myself distancing & not wanting to be around people.
@nireeburr Жыл бұрын
Ur videos are brilliant. My Mother, Mumma.. 4 weeks ago today. Mum was a covert narcissist. But I didn’t see this till the end. I never saw her go . So I only can recall my last time with her. She turned her back on me. “ it’s my dying wish that you leave me un peace with Larnie (my younger BPD sister) I never knew that she was planning to have a needle put in to pass away. No one told me. So I’m living in her house where I cared for her the last 12 months , she has given the house to me.. not coz she loves me or with her blessing, coz she doesn’t want me out in the street. I have never been on the street . Only when she would kick me out or abusive towards me or at my dog. To think this same person was my best friend and the love I had for mum was big. No one would believe I felt this way or know her to be nasty. It was 💯 covered up. No funeral was allowed as my sister canceled it. “Cremation only , it’s a waste of money. “ So I’m laying in my bed . Sleep is hard to do at night time. I fall asleep beside my bed or walking in the house. There’s this block about getting into bed and just resting till I sleep. Now I don’t get into bed until hours between 5 am -8am. Up all night standing . If I sit I sleep.. same as driving car.. It’s a big wave of guilt.. plus at night time no one is around so I go walking with my dog .. I struggle to even leave the house during the daylight hours. People are so nasty so I keep away. However this means I go for days or close to a week without speaking to a human. Thankfully KZbin is here .. where I live , getting help for all of this would be $400 an hour if I can find anyone. I’ve been given 2 ladies to help me. Funding has come from outside sources .like the one free client a year task. Thx for listening This stuff is in my ears 24/7 in hope my brain picks it up. “Shine a little light on me.. and I will shine it on all of us …just give me a chance to be whole again.. ❤”
@MichelleBrown-mk7np Жыл бұрын
I feel if I add support network then this would make me feel better in being around others who have dreams and goals and purposes to go along in the healing process of my grief journey.
@margaretward76822 жыл бұрын
I wish my husband could have watched this video after I lost my mom. He was not helpful. I needed him to acknowledge my pain, instead he just didn't talk to me about it.
@emmawats5467 Жыл бұрын
Thanks for your channel. I find that attending grief groups has been helpful. I don't feel as if I have a wide array of friends in general and none that have personally experienced the loss of a significant other and so I find great solace in simply being able to exist among others with a common experience...trying to navigate grief. A grief group can be a safe space and if new relationships develop into friendship? Even better.
@JOHNHEATON-l1f11 ай бұрын
Yes I agree i want to grieve I feel grieving crying helps.
@mayfair104 ай бұрын
The animation video you’ve shared is perfect. Thank you. 🙏
@judithwallace20912 жыл бұрын
Very thoughtful post. Thank you.
@gloriaturner36872 жыл бұрын
All my friends think that by not talking about it will make it go away. Not true makes it worse. It's like it never happened. Not a help to me.
@martaperosio7846 Жыл бұрын
The video represents my experience perfectly, unfortunately. I have support from only one member of my family. I am also surprised at how devastating my grief is, I always I thought I was stronger. I would have liked my grown children to be respectful of my grief and not involve me in their stupid sibling rivalries. I miss my husband every second of my existence. I’m sure I will not stop doing so I just hope it becomes acceptable. I think I am getting better though there are things I still have to solve in my life that are still in the air. Thanks.
@justannie681 Жыл бұрын
Thank you for your video It helps me with my grieving process 😭😭😭
@davidward80510 ай бұрын
Like you say, I need to be heard in my grief.
@sarahreid92062 жыл бұрын
Yes it did benefit and if others new about this support and my love one died in the hospital and always present
@marciaclegg60052 жыл бұрын
I wish the people I know would be this carring
@lindajohnson9282 Жыл бұрын
I know it’s very selfish of me but I’d like for someone to cry with me about the losses I have experienced; the loss of someone who is still alive being the hardest (estranged from my oldest child, not by my choice/doing). As an empath, it’s a sure way of letting me know that you truly understand how I feel; only then will that association of why I am no longer a fun person to be around and the grief that is ever-present in my life be made. Maybe it will become apparent why their efforts to cheer me up not only fail, but only serve to make me feel worse. I need to be around people who feel the same way I do, but I’m the only one in this situation who is acknowledging the reality of it all… and I’m made to feel like I’m the problem 😢💔 I can only surmise that I’d feel better about someone feeling as wretched as me - even only fleetingly - as I have no proof; I haven’t been afforded the luxury of being able to prove or disprove my hypothesis ❤
@MADELENEC1 Жыл бұрын
YES
@justannie681 Жыл бұрын
😭😭😭 I struggling to sleep and some nights i woke up with tears 💔💔💔 I lost my man 5 months ago
@davidemery93179 ай бұрын
Tenderness. I would like to add tenderness to your list.
@roberttopal51282 жыл бұрын
Me (Otessa) Widow of Robert Topal, shall infinitely humble and thankful when grief shall be eradicated at the return of Yeshuah (Jesus Christ). Grief offers no peace. Throughout our lifetime of grief we must be ever so cautious of scams, opportunists, and others to take advantage of us, as our husbands and wives are no longer here to protect us or think with us. I do not care to date again, but for others be extremely careful about dating scams and make it a point to investigate the person's background before saying yes to anything and especially when money is asked for, do not go broke, because of grief and being alone. Take care my Fellow Brothers and Sisters in grief regardless of the type and kind of loss.
@Terri-vi5qb Жыл бұрын
My husband committed suicide . I have had no family support. My sons thought going into a 72 hr hold would be best for me. I am I therapy for my grief. Drs want me to take antidepressants, they don't work. My sons have gone no contact. So has my siblings. My husband was a great guy to all but me. He was living a double life all our 38 yr marriage, that came to light. And the shame of that was too much for him. So I am grieving the loss of my marriage and the suicide death of my husband, with no family support. How do I get through it all.
@presentlytrypleasant27052 жыл бұрын
Thank you. I find that acceptance of the loss of my son seems to have isolated myself. My husband is supporting me but is grieving as well as he can. To me right now I have no idea what I want or do. Try getting out of bed but getting out of my room is a beginning that I can only spend very little time for due to being sick my safety net of safety is staying in my room. Though no one calls or even comes by which makes me feel lonely. Covid is also why I don't leave. Don't think I want to be any sicker since I know everyone has it and makes it all so much more real. Masks are never worn plus living in Texas scared me literally. Everything is so painfully obvious but live where Fox News is an addiction all around me. And the state of the country made him guilty not that he was very mentally sick but has 2 children that he felt they're life will become so rough.
@davidward80510 ай бұрын
I lost my wife recently but I don’t feel lonely because I have always been self sufficient. Also I have home health aides 24/7.
@zhannaallen4391 Жыл бұрын
How are you TODAY?
@DanyLove482 жыл бұрын
Your videos really touch me Jo, but I find them very hard to hear. Is there anyway the volume can be turned up. I know my hearing is not great, but I’m fine with most channels, but this one (which is so important to me) is very soft.
@grieftherapist Жыл бұрын
Thank you for letting me know! This is such a learning curve and I am still working at getting all the technology right! Thanks for your patience.🙏🏻
@Meanwoman666 Жыл бұрын
I find this video excellent I totally identify with it all