He's Pulled Away - Here's What To Do... (Why men pull away)

“He's Pulled Away - Here's What To Do... (Why men pull away) ”
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This video is all about he's pulled away and what do you do?
Clayton and Jack are hoping to give you some perspectives about how to orient to a man when this is happening that might just serve you to feel more empowered, to feel less in pain and to kind of feel more okay about the relationship.
[02:49] Don’t Take His Behavior Personally
The first one is don't take it personally as hard as that is. Which is to say that it might be much more about him than it is about you. That he has a need for some space, for some autonomy. You know we were talking the other day and went out for dinner and you were saying there's you know there's a reason we have a man cave.
[05:51] Make Requests, Rather Than Demands
Oftentimes when a man does something you don't like, your tendency might be to criticize him, blame him, cajole him, humiliate him, pressure him. All sorts of kind of underhand tactics if you will, rather than not cleanly ask for what is it that you want.
Which could be, “Hey. When you take space and we come in back into connection, it would really benefit me if you could just hold me for five minutes? That would allow me to feel connected to you again.” Or, “if you're gonna take space of more than you know one or two days I would love to know that just in a quick text or call me or whatever works for you.”
And the way that you know that it's a request rather than a demand is that I can say yes or no to your request. We might negotiate, or we might come to a better compromise or better adjustment but making a request is he gets to say yes or no to what it is you're asking.
[07:39] Don’t Subjectify Him
And what that fancy word subjectify mean is don't imagine that when he does something, he does it with the same way that you would do that thing, or with the same intention that you would do that thing. So, typically as a woman, if you're pulling away from your man it's something different than when a man is pulling away from you because your need for space and autonomy and rest may be different to his need.
So, it might be that you have a pattern that when someone really upsets you, you create a little bit of a wall maybe like a stone wall and you withdraw, and you pull away and that's a kind of defense. And that may or may not be happening with him, so it's almost like don't assume that you know what's going on. Get curious and don't imagine that the thing that would be true for you is true for him.
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➜ • He's Pulled Away - Her...

[@susanarmstrong3796]

Do you give your boss heads up when you're going on vacation? Do you give your family and friends heads up when you're leaving town? Give the person you're in a relationship with heads up that you're going away communicatively for a while too. It's common human courtesy. Not a female/male thing.

[@Chasiraw]

Susan Armstrong Thank you! !

[@TheBallentineFamily]

Thank you Susan

[@MBVunderground]

I know, right?? I want to know...who raised these fucking people who would act like that?!?! Idiots beget idiots I suppose.

[@wildwoman4911]

Thank you! Huge insight here!

[@TLhky98]

Exactly! Rationalizing the manipulative behavior of pulling away as testing someone, whilst stepping on their vulnerability is not an adult thing to do. It shows the emotional maturity of a 5 year old.

[@giovannagiustino5139]

A man who LOVES a woman will NOT mindfuck her. [period] She will never have to "wonder" because he will make her feel safe and tell her the truth about what's going on. Honesty. No childish games.

[@claracruz9066]

If you dont hear from a job you applied for...are you going to wait around? Or are you going to keep on searching? There are bills to pay and needs that need to be met. So dont wait around for nobody.

[@Mollybad]

Great analogy! Thanks!

[@Chasiraw]

Clara Cruz PREACH!!

[@goddessofthelight0_o]

Clara Cruz 🤘🏻

[@Light_Worker]

Burak G WoW! My wish I NEVERE end up with the dude like you are.

[@a.h.2667]

This is a great analogy for just dating but what about someone you've invested months or years of commitment to?

[@a.h.2667]

It's incredibly mean and immature to test a person by pulling away from them. You're only showing that person how emotinally stunted you are. When someone finds you important they wouldn't dare risk losing you by pulling away and going silent.

[@yolandaglover2777]

I'm a 73-year old woman -- need I say that I am EXPERIENCED! There were some points made, but valid, that's questionable. I can guarantee you that having a woman, or man for that matter, be a psychologist to MAYBE be in a relationship is crap -- cause that's not a relationship. If there is respect, there's consideration for each other and if there's love, then the consideration is automatic. Grow up!!! and stop trying to make excuses for brats.

[@ImranKhan-tj3dr]

I love u 🌷🌷❤❤ Kindle I like u I m single 💑💑💍💍🌷🌷

[@makeitcount2985]

The problem with me is that I lose interest if a man isn't investing and I think to myself that if he's not around to pay attention to me then there will be other men that are there to take his place.

[@healinginnately2816]

That is a plus, a positive. I'm the same. Time is precious and I'm only taking time to invest when there is also someone who wants/is ready to invest also... :)

[@hkvideos9674]

If a man is not sure about what he feels for me that I have to negotiate how much time he should spend with me or how to love me; perhaps I am with the wrong man. I get that relationship has some work involved but negotiating how much time he should spend with me does not sit well with me. I say move on to a man who is sure of his attraction to me.

[@tracygallegos7505]

When you don’t take it personally and understand is not about you, for the most part they do come back with an open heart. It’s important to be empathetic to your partner. Early stages of dating there’s not much you can say or do.

[@goodenoughgirl8102]

After this last joker, I almost have decided that men are just more trouble than they are worth. Just go live in your cave then and I will go live in mine. 🙄 Bye Felicia.

[@angelag2662]

Love that!! Bye Felicia!

[@PolarisAstrology]

Before I saw this one today, a quote came to my attention: “Spiteful words can hurt your feelings, but silence breaks your heart.” - Mother Teresa People in general need to understand what empathy is. And that love is not a game. I am currently studying various relationships coaches and it leads me to understand how far away from security we have come. We should be understanding how to be loving ourselves enough to understand how to love another.

[@dustersinternational221]

studying various relationships coaches: brilliant. I met Mother Teresa btw ~ yes I agree empathy, taking responsibility for ones actions and good communication are key. Think I need to be a relationship coach for me/women. Communication; for example: everyone seems to have a smart phone (well I don't) and I communicate very well. So why not use it!!! Social media has caused a break down on real feelings/real life honesty and people just send emojis (which btw I can't get on a Nokia 100!!!) and spend too much time on their phone instead of real life communicating face to face.... Good luck

[@earthangel3108]

Awww. Beautiful. 💕

[@ImranKhan-tj3dr]

❤❤

[@gymrachel]

Go on holiday, have meet ups with gfs, go swimming,, be happy 🦋

[@danishmodern55]

if he pulls away then you ICE him and the when he comes back it takes a long time to melt that ice

[@Chasiraw]

Danish D'Abreau YES!!

[@intuitiveself-love9513]

Lol

[@ashleybanksss]

Yep. They should get put in back of the rotation. Ain't no high value women gonna make it that easy, and take disrespect. Now the walls go up 3 fold, demoted from top guy, and now and he'll be unknowingly competing with other quality suitors. No excuses.

[@yogihoneythefitempath1813]

Absolutely. Treat him like a complete nobody and his respect level for you will increase. Works everytime! 🤣😂

[@yogihoneythefitempath1813]

@@ashleybanksss yesssssss girl! Thats how its done 🙌🏾🔥

[@claracruz9066]

The best is just to walk away too. Dont even bother with the guy.

[@Vixinaful]

Yup. Been ghosted for a month and by another guy two months and yet another three (!) months. They all came back, now I'm ghosting THEM! Its an extremely rude behaviour, thinking I'll be sitting at home waiting for them. And I was right. Two of them turned out being autistic and the third depressed so weak males. Bye- bye.

[@butterflyqueen9260]

Yup

[@NarnianLady]

Absolutely. It seems that we women are being conditioned to understand and accept men's bad behavior, but men are not expected to deal with us with decency at all...

[@je.suis.prisci]

Yes, I find myself drawn away.

[@dianaterry5468]

@@je.suis.prisci Do the same shit to him.teaching he ain't going to play with you girl.Find a real man who cares about you and is interested in you.forget the losers who don't know what the he'll they want.keep your head up.Keep moving.leaving behind.he ain't with it of your doneness.

[@MBVunderground]

So in 11+ minutes I heard no advice except to "be cool". The rest of it was excuses and justifications for men's disrespectful and juvenile behaviors. Great.

[@MBVunderground]

Yea...these hacks shouldn't quit their day jobs.

[@makeitcount2985]

So many damaged, broken men around.... Even the young men. More and more woman are going to give marriage and even long term relationships a big skip. The common theme on these videos is woman who have experienced toxic men and walked away, and men angry with women because they are divorced and need to pay child support and don't see their kids allot, or angry with woman who didn't want to date them. A relationship is a mutual choice between 2 parties, it takes work, if the man or woman don't put in equal work then the relationship fails. There is no guaranteed relationship for life and no woman is going to stay with a man who does not pull his weight, having said this shallow woman do exist if you are a man don't date a shallow woman and then complain if she uses and discards you. Men should also realize woman are not just sex toys.

[@barbaratucker2924]

WELL SAID...especially the last words!!

[@roadtorighteousness7102]

I feel lot of people in the comments are missing the point. I don't think they are referring to a guy who completely stops talking to you. It's more like an emotional pulling away, he's closing himself up to protect himself from intense emotions (good or bad). If he does this, start focusing on yourself more and be patient !

[@claytonolsoncoaching]

Thank you, Paige.

[@Floridafanatic28]

Not a chance! Pulling away is pulling away regardless of the motive. To pull away from someone in any way is game playing, especially if you want to continue to build a relationship with them. If you truly feel like you need to protect yourself emotionally from someone then maybe you should be honest with both yourself and them and end the relationship. You should never have to protect yourself from someone you want to build a relationship with.

[@nola8504]

True....men also need their silence and their recharge moments. It's good for them to pull away, for his testosterone to be refilled. This is a very dynamic thing that happens and many women do not understand this. When you don't bug them too much about it, he will go back to you, with interest. :))

[@claudiaelenasanchezquinter7452]

I think if a person doesn’t contact us, then we should just respect that. Then next time he or she contacts us we can ask about that to understand the person. Once the relationship has evolved then it would be important to talk about expectations and meaning of our behaviours so we can understand each other. I believe in respecting people and letting them be. It is almost like just letting things grow and develop organically without interference or forcing things to be when maybe they are not meant to be.

[@susanarmstrong3796]

I go into my (wo)man cave once a year and I always post it on Facebook for my friends and actually let anyone I'm dating know up front. If I'm communicating with someone at least semi regularly, I'm absolutely going to let them know I'm going away for a time emotionally and communicatively. I'd never leave anyone high and dry. Ever. It's not a guy versus girl thing. It's a common human respect that should be given to anyone and everyone regardless of gender. I also announce to family, friends, and anyone I'm in a relationship with that I'm going on a trip or out of town so they know I'm ok and don't worry about me. It's the same thing! Men doing this on purpose to women is not acceptable. Just let me know what's going on and you can have as much space as you want. Don't, and you'll end up having 100% space from me forever. Why? Not because I can't handle your autonomy! Because a decent relationship by definition is interaction and being considerate of one another. I'm sure a guy will do the same for me right? Lol. This is just total bullshit. Don't condone crap behavior just because it's a guy and guy's need autonomy. As of women don't. This is also very sexist and I'm not one to believe much is sexist, but this certainly is.

[@susanarmstrong3796]

I also don't like that you guys talk about how you want to acknowledge that the woman is probably very hurt by this but oh well. You both continue to not give her the heads up. So you're completely ok with hurting a girl in a relationship and are doing it intentionally as are all men who don't give the heads up they're checking out! Screw that!!! You're the ones not relationship material. Not her.

[@GuessJess]

I disagree with you on one major point! If I make a “request” that my boyfriend communicate to me when he needs to “take space” then fine, he gets to say no to that request. That means I also get to dump him for refusing my request. In the end, a man doesn’t get to ignore the requests of his partner because he’s going through something emotionally. Instead of teaching women how to tip toe around a man’s emotions, you should be teaching MEN how to communicate more authentically with women. That doesn’t mean that women have the right to freak out either when a man needs space. But communication is everything and any request to communicate that is ignored or invalidated is actually a deal breaker for me and should be for most self respecting, high value women. I appreciate your attempts to explain what men are going through when they pull away because women need to know how men operate. But where are the clips about teaching men how to be more honest and authentic in their relationships with women? I would love to see the both of you address that topic. Let me know if and when that clip is available.

[@healinginnately2816]

I totally agree. If a man 'pulls away' I'd move on likely. I just figure they are not interested or not ready for an intimate relationship for whatever reason. I would not be interested in pursuing that relationship. Time is precious. There are men who value women, who strive to communicate, who know if they ship out they'll lose the girl and know better, have a higher standard, and live by a higher standard. I am appreciative of this information if I were in a marriage or serious invested relationship and perhaps could understand more if something was bothering my husband... that he was quiet.... :)

[@goodenoughgirl8102]

I agree. I just dodged that particular bullet. Whew. Lol. (Even tho it’s not funny at all). It’s not fair to us when a man constantly evades honest communication.

[@susanemde9128]

@AJ P - really over a year - that is not "needing space" That is keeping you on the sidelines until he finds someone he likes better. That is NOT what forever SHOULD feel like. Do as you want but If it was me, I would stop communicating & move on.

[@Freyablogja]

No clips about men. Reason: they are not interested that much ... you are, as a woman the emotional catalizator of a relationship. Like it or not.

[@Light_Worker]

Well said !!!! Thank you for the smart comment !

[@Whisky-1203]

I think the best advice I heard was when someone pulls away is basically them saying you are not important enough to be a priority. I wish my younger self realized this after break-ups. If you really cared about something you would work on it.

[@amalali8958]

when he pulled away,, I chased him more and then I got tired and I left

[@regiz5358]

Amal Ali good for you that you walked away.

[@butterflyqueen9260]

I don't chase

[@Lisa_M_V]

Amal Ali don’t chase EVER! This is too masculine and needy and off putting. Be chilled and secure in your self worth. A woman who knows her value won’t chase x

[@juliemanso4589]

Did he ever return ?

[@amalali8958]

Jewels Queen yeah always ...I have always tried the no contact rule and he always comes back ..We love each other and I use this method to show him either you change or I'm leaving you..

[@apple1hun]

My guy said he needed space. I stopped contacting him for 2-3 weeks and now he says he wants meet up and misses me. The time away hurt so much that I don't know if I want to see him anymore. Any advise would be appreciated!

[@ariesariesfearless4810]

I am in no contact since 13th march. I know my worth and i want to give my loyalty to a man who deserves me I love him but we only live once time is gold for me

[@NaturalAgent]

Thanks Guys! I completely agree. We all need to remember each other have unique personalities and not to judge. Not everyone is a great communicator. A healthy relationship is accepting one another and being secure in who we are. That allows the partner the freedom of being who they really are and appreciating them for it in a healthy loving way. Theres a reason why we attract the people we do. I think if we are unhappy as women with our man also look at ourselves too. Take personal responsibility and allows the partner to be who they are. Just my two sense. P.s. as a photographic artist I love the art behind you and create unique light paintings based on emotionality. Would love to create a piece for you. Thanks for all you do guys! Happy Sunday!

[@annstar2793]

But do you view the girl as some needy weak fool if she is courageous and smart enough to to communicate in a compassionate and heart centered way ? I’m afraid to communicate now because I have in the past and I do it perfectly as you mentioned, and he’s always still gotten angry and defensive so now I’m afraid to ever do it again. It’s a very disempowering place to be in. I just want clarity so I can move on or work on it if we can do that.

[@poojabatti3712]

Clayton, you guys are super genius. What an astounding n incredible understanding of human psychology n the dynamics between them.

[@claytonolsoncoaching]

Aww thanks Pooja.

[@madisonsupple]

This was actually extremely helpful and helped clear my mind tremendously

[@andreawisner7358]

So ... communication skills.

[@elopez198725]

These were really helpful scripts and examples on what to say! There needs to be more vids on what to say so we can connect to our mates wholeheartedly. Thank you gentlemen!

[@barbaratucker2924]

U guys are great coaches...i think the best of all i have watched and listened to. Thankyou

[@jesusreturning3003]

I'm not sure I agree to this, if a guy wants a few days out from time to time, communicate it. If this is a regular ongoing thing, the guy is not fit to be in any kind of Rship!!! If a guy also tests a women's response by just disappearing he is a shmuck, and that raises red flags to run the hell away from him, just like a man wouldn't want a women to test his emotions by doing something he wouldn't like, do not think you can do this to your women, there seems to be double standards these days, where guys can do what the please under a "test" but how dare a women "tests" a mans attitude. Does anyone even know what the meaning of a committed Rship is these days??? Seriously this man cave behaviour has gone way out of hand, I recall when I needed a few days for myself and immediately the guy would question the reason me doing so, but it's ok for guys to have multiple breaks and disappear?? A guy has to also meet my standards, if he can't communicate and manipulates for a reaction, he can Leave for good. If a guy wants time out regularly, his def not Rship material, nor does he have leadership skills that show me he can lead a household/family one day. Unfortunately men have lost the art of manlyhood. From Scripture, Jesus clearly tells us that a man is to love his wife as Christ loves the church, as he is the head of his wife and the women is the weaker vessel, how do you explaining vanishing for a few days without communicating it? Jesus never says to manipulate someone for your own gain, see how someone will react by orchestrating a problem, that's called witchcraft in the bible, yes that's right, witchcraft!!! Because manipulation is evil and provokes someone to anger. So this dude you gave an example of that "Tested" his women, is a manipulator!! I sure wouldn't want to date him, if he can test you there where else is he going to test you, absolute selfish, not realising women are making just as much sacrifices in a Rship is a man.

[@reeree-tareem]

Who are you?? Omg this was powerful and right! Soooo right so on point!

[@claytonolsoncoaching]

I hear you on the morality around testing and can see where there are certain instances that come off as manipulative. Regardless of whether it's a good or bad thing, the fact is it does happen with humans. Both sexes test each other during courting, continuously. For instance, a woman may not contact a guy first because she is testing to see what his interest level in her is. A man may test a woman taking some alone time merely to see whether she really is cool with him doing so. All good information to know before getting into a relationship or investing more. I think there is a blurry line here because testing is often used as a way of qualifying someone. One of the biggest problems with dating I see is women that spend too much time with the wrong man because they didn't qualify him. If a little testing can help you figure out whether a guy is a narcissist or too self-serving quickly, is that wrong? Hmmm. Maybe. I'm open to thinking about this more. I appreciate your comment and sparking some inquiry.

[@susanarmstrong3796]

Even if you're not a Christain and take faith and religion completely out of it, this is absolutely the truth! I absolutely agree. Then only part I disagree with is that if a guy needs alone time that it means he won't be able to lead a family. I believe a man can get away or have some alone time as a husband and father. I also believe women can do the same as a wife and mother. We all need down time, alone time, recharge time. Sometimes it needs to be to this extent.

[@juliemanso4589]

Well my was a born again hypocrite ! He would go to church and be a Christ follower and then would come treat me like a piece of shit, would ghost me, disappear, say he didn’t want a relationship of commitment then he would come when he wanted sex! When I saw this pattern I sent him to hell. Needless to say he hasn’t contacted me in 74 days and his actions are very loud and clear and as far as me I’m over it! He can burn in hell for all I care ! I’ve accepted the fact that he’s not coming back and guess what ? I am super ok with it! I don’t want a piece of shit like that in my life! F?!& him

[@lanag9318]

To Jesus coming soon

[@09mrLION]

I love this video. I’m open to learn from a guys perspective. Keep doing these videos.

[@kristenwest6941]

This is helping me so much right now. Thank you!

[@RenaWith]

All this is a good advice when we are talking about healthy men. Some men use this well known fact, that men need to cave and start to abandon you more and more and before you know it, you are getting crumbs, even if a man is living with you. They do it all purposely, withholding attention or sex, what ever is that makes you happy. They uphold it because they like to see you in pain. And then they come in to save the day and they do a pretty good job at loving you the way you need to be loved or giving you the kind of the attention that you interpreter as love. And than you stay. And you say to your self, my marriage is either really really good or really bad. If you find your self saying that, just run. One in 10 men are sick, narcissistic, sadistic, just broken. I wish it wasn't true, but it is. Cure is of course inside you, but one has to be aware of whats happening first.

[@veronicav1779]

well said, only I think the number is higher than 1 in 10

[@serimok7296]

So true, its that lovebombing then devalueing cycle that narcissists put their victims. Its just very hard to know whether you are dealing with a normal guy or a narc. Frankly this pulling away bs is irritating. Its just a sign of someone taking you for granted, now that you are his, he dont put in as much effort.

[@deanarodriguez4258]

Pulled away...financial pressure. He says it has nothing to do with me. We still talk and text everyday. We work together. He just needs time to work out these problems. I love him dearly. We dated at 19 and now 49. A lost love. We went separate ways, married others. I'm divorced from an abusive marriage. He is separated and still in the madness. Thanks for the video. You guys are great. I'm patient. You have to be to see where it can goes, when its love.

[@dustersinternational221]

Hope I can say, it is nothing to do with you. I can feel the pressure pot from here. He and you both need space and best to cool off this now and don't text/talk everyday. Have a month or longer apart. Difficult as you work together but it is not healthy for you to be the healer, if your relationship is to go in the right direction. It is more healthy for him to have complete space and to cleanse, once the madness completes that cycle than to jump straight into another relationship. You need to have the correct energy for a new relationship to work.

[@amandagarcia6320]

Guys!!!??? THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MAKING THIS VIDEO AT A TIME WHEN I THOUGHT I HAD TRULY HIT "rock bottom", I did not want to keep going on in the "dating" scene, and I did not believe I would ever find a message like this that HELPED ME SO MUCH!......this message that you wrote is soooooooooo inspirational and helpful to so many people, so THANK YOU so much for making and posting this:-) Your channel is wonderful and you both are absolutely fantastic! You are such a wonderful and amazing speaker:-) I absolutely LOVE! hearing your beautiful voice! Keep up the good work:-) (hope everyone reading this SHARES! this Channel! This information has been life saving for me, seriously:-)

[@ellengrace4609]

I agree with your main points, but if the man doesn’t have good communication/listening skills or is not mature and emotionally stable then he will consider anything you say in response to his disappearing as blame and criticism. For example, communicating the impact his behavior had on you (it made me feel anxious) will most definitely be seen as criticism even if you phrase it the way you explained.

[@claytonolsoncoaching]

That's a good thing to know about the guy you're with if that's the case. The truth is, you could be the most brilliant communicator in the world and you still could be perceived as attacking. It's this kind of information that can help you determine compatibility or lead into a deeper dialogue of whats the best way to give honest feedback when necessary. Thanks for sharing, Carolynne.

[@ellengrace4609]

Clayton Olson Coaching Excellent point! Thank you, Clayton!

[@NarnianLady]

yes, very true Carolynne. Men can take offence, no matter how delicately the issue is presented - always a reason to disregard a woman. 'Too needy, too demanding, too critical'...

[@tarshablack4613]

This video was awesome. I wish it was longer.

[@whisperingwind7730]

It's so great to see and hear u guys. I so appreciate u both!! U help me greatly!! Thank u for sharing~ 🌬🙏🏻💗🙂🙌🏻✨✌🏻

[@Nancy-du3kg]

Thank you so much, this is the most helpful dating advice I've come across in recent times.

[@7mrugo]

Men being out in the world and then pulling back to their caves sounds to me like an introvert tendency. Speaking from an introvert perspective here ;)

[@magicisreal111]

Thank you for your man perspective on this. I know this is normal and I am super supportive about my man taking space and reconnecting with himself, as I need that also and believe everyone needs time for self care or to focus on their responsibilities and to make sure they’re in touch with themselves and staying in contact with their friends and community. And yet when he does this, I’m cool for a few days but when we are heading into a week or more, I start to feel abandoned and uncared for. One of my best friends and I just went through this with both of our men and talked ourselves down, reminded ourselves to just be cool and stay in our power and to recognize what part of our past emotional trauma is being triggered, and yet, when both men came back after over a week, we also made sure to receive them with love but then to also let them know that while we are more than happy to allow space, we also need consistent communication, some frontloading, so we know what to expect. I also made sure to ask him to share what he’s experiencing and what his needs are at this stressful time. It made me feel comforted to hear that you sometimes forget to check in with clarity also. It’s not the space taken that is difficult for me; it’s the total silence and lack of an explanation. Every time it happens I wonder, “Is this space … or is he rethinking the relationship? Should I start the disconnection process now and prepare for this to end?” And just when I’m ready to walk, he’s like a Jack In The Box, popping back like nothing happened. Because in his mind, it didn’t. Grrrr MEN. Just kidding. But thank you for this :). I feel pretty proud of me because what you recommended is exactly what I did instinctually.

[@sejalkothari6687]

Wow you guys explain all this so clinically..always 🙏❤️

[@marciamellow1211]

You both are my FAVORITE... great information for us women... the softer side seems to always be the way... right guys?

[@meganexelby1062]

So glad I found this video just now. But late to the party, but better late than never. This video had helped me feel a lot better about being asked for space just today, and feeling much more like I can handle it now, though still sad it was necessary 😔. Wonder how long it will last.

[@claudiacocciolo9817]

Wow, I love how you guys explain what's going on in a man's brain when this happens. Because it does happen! And that's the reality of how men deal with stress, when things get overwhelming they pull away. It's how men are wired. If we walk away when this happens, we'll be walking away forever. Because it's going to happen. I just love how you guys explained what's going on and how to respond in a way that lets them know how you feel when he does that versus blaming him. Thank you for your amazing insights!

[@nhl4264]

You've got wisdom there, the fact is that all men at some point do pull away to process thing, it's more like a need & there is nothing anyone can do about this, this is a biological instinctual need on an evolution level. A smart woman who understands this will have herself fullfing relationships where she is adored & loved.

[@zoraidacastro5403]

AWESOME ADVICE. GOING THROUGH THIS AS WE SPEAK.

[@gabrielamartinyuk6438]

Before I even watch this I can say if a man pulls away it’s not my business and he can do as he chooses and we need to live our lives happily no matter what. 🙂 But- when he comes back I’m not going to respond so enthusiastically. He can take his space - but so will I.

[@claytonolsoncoaching]

Gabriela Martinyuk I like that

[@TheTadziofan]

The only statement I agree with is that I can get support elsewhere and then dump him.

[@kristinaldridge1712]

What if the pulling away is a test but then they do it all the time? I ultimately let him just keeping walking because the back and forth was having an effect on my self worth and self esteem. You can act 'cool' for only so long until it damages everything. I spoke my feelings about what I needed in a relationship. My boundaries sent him packing because he knew he couldn't show up for anything sustainable.

[@emeraudehime2431]

I have to remind myself of the things you are talking in this video because I tend to get anxious when my man seems to be cold, not his bubbly usual self. Even though he said in a number of times, he does it to deal with his own issues. I feel paranoid a lot. But I try to get a hold of myself .

[@JigglyJessica]

Thank you! You guys are absolutely right digging into the male psychology.

[@gabrielamartinyuk6438]

It’s ok to test- but.... he better realize If he pulls away for two days I will not React, but I will be pulling away as well because I need him to know that I may not be there when he gets back. No hard feelings- just looking out for me. Hehe 😉💗

[@PoppiesAtSunrise]

Men too need to learn that you just do not treat people like that, especially when you've at first said yes to a relationship and are then pulling away or ghosting her. It's childish, it's not psychological, guys need to take responsibility just the same. Women are not psychic, and doing this is devastating on us. Be a man find you a pair and just say you're wanting out. No problem with that. I hate it when men do this, and so many do. It's a game, just like your friend does, Clay. Instead of communicating openly, he does this. The 'testing' gives a wrong impression, as many guys just don't have a pair and will just disappear. So that's likely what a woman will think, that he's bowed out. And this will invoke her anger. Please stop asking women to 'deal' with this or how to handle this. It is childish behaviour that has no place in a relationship between two grown up mature people.

[@alberta4305]

Thanks, more insight that I needed to know. My day seamed excited for all the times we talked and went on two dates back to back made plans for the 3rd but than iy seems he's pulled away the last week going on two weeks. I wanted to text him but carefully so that I don't anger him!

[@robynrr1873]

Hmm OK he thinks he deserves an apology for what he did after ghosting then doesn't answer.. Are you serious he can't man up simple!

[@jennypatton645]

I love this its brilliant.

[@trezgregory3032]

You guys are great n adorable!! Love your stuff!!!

[@lindam.robertson8055]

How about a video with your high value women that you are in relationship with? I'd like to hear how your tips and tricks pan out in real life.

[@amandabrisbane8716]

thank you guys.

[@kaylelouiserice7987]

Very helpful...thank you!

[@claytonolsoncoaching]

You're welcome, Kayle!

[@cindycinn2724]

Cheers to that guys thank you

[@claytonolsoncoaching]

You're welcome, Cindy!

[@nimfabangay7318]

A break? Spacing probably...whatever . I will stay positive.Thanks for info. Gnite...😘

[@jennypatton645]

I am this exact situation right now . But it's a different scenario we have never meet in person we had more chemistry than 12 couples , I think it became a lot emotionally for him to handle , we both are spiritual people and yet he text me and ask me if I had some time later so we can chat but that's been almost 24 hrs. I guess I stay here and not focus on him as far as if I am what he wants , or was it just fun to be with someone who you felt such a deep connection with. I will allow this to be lead with the help of God. And of course I'll keep great advice from you great men relationship coaches . Thank you I do appreciate the content

[@truthspeaker1102]

very wise information

[@erinmcdonald1848]

What is better just not text him anymore, or tell him I am giving him space? I don’t want him to think I am being caddy and angry cause he is pulling away. I don’t want him to think I am being passive aggressive... we used to have the best conversations several times a day.

[@delaneymonica6390]

But is pulling away the same as going silent and ignoring for days at a time ?

[@patricialeo3727]

My man always pulls away then doesn't respond then comes back but yeah your right men test women by pulling away, I use to take it personal but now I'm learning

[@Chasiraw]

Patricia Leo always?? doesn't respond?? Be careful with this one. Do some more research.

[@christinacataldi877]

What should my response be to a man’s assessment of saying that I am over analyzing and dissecting too much when all I was saying is “is everything ok? You’ve been rather quiet lately.” I said this after having accumulated some instinctual messages in addition to the shift that taken place. From intense pursuit and regular contact, vocal about intentions, future plans. Many things....and there was a complete shut down and I genuinely wanted to be open minded to any changes in his own perception of things. I kind of felt Gaslighted when he told me that I’m reading into things and analyzing too much. I didn’t think I was analyzing much at all just taking note of the drastic shift and wanting to call him out on it! 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@NarnianLady]

gaslighting is a definite sign that it's best not to be with him. It is a form of abuse, very common among narcs.

[@melissatorrisi1]

His reaction is a huge red flag..be careful

[@patiencei9845]

You met a guy within 3weeks, everything was going in fine then suddenly he started pulling away for no reason! Then what do I do??? Even when he knows you truly love him. Started by not calling nor reply to your messages. What do i do???

[@myrahouse2368]

It’s so damn frustrating 8 months it was perfect, then he began get flaky. He gives me a million miles then pulls back 😖 Lack of communication is an understatement from him, he never pulled away like this in the early days.

[@WATERWOMAN.]

Best couches

[@brieannaleigh2117]

There's no way you guys aren't landmark graduates! ❤️😍

[@claytonolsoncoaching]

One of us is. ;) I do think we're both fans of Werner Erhard's philosophy.

[@clairefoxall2313]

I'm at that stage/age where I like my own space/time 😁. Have been seeing/dating someone for about 7 months we just get together general on a Saturday and that's fine for me. I'm 49 his 51.

[@budgetrebelgoals]

great video...how do you know if he will come back

[@barbarawang1538]

3 years into the relationship, I'm certain the reason why he pulled away this time is not about me. I just feel empty and ill at ease when he pulls away, especially when I really need to talk and express my feelings with him. What makes it worse is we are not in the same city right now due to some logistical issues, making it even harder for me to cope with this whole man cave thing. I reckon things would get better when we actually live under the same roof or when we have kids so at least I can see him around or focus my attention on the kids. Fingers crossed

[@ursulabudnik1979]

yes - if u do not care abt the guy - u dont care if he pulls away...

[@cindybain5176]

Let him go don't stress about it. Learn early know you just may not be compatible and it's okay

[@mariefruit8591]

How long does it take for him to come back.

[@Elinaraihana]

What if he hasn’t pulled away but the connection feels weak somehow. Although we message almost everyday but our conversations are shallower than in the ones in the past. We are at the reconciliation phase but he seems to keep it safe and not talk about our past together or emotions. Idk what to do...

[@melissagonzalo8562]

Thanks guys! This was helpful. My question is how do we express how it made us feel without sounding needy or clingy when we sense that may be the reason they pulled away in the first place?

[@claytonolsoncoaching]

Hi Melissa, great question and understandable concern. The ironic element is that if you are afraid of sounding needy and clingy you will most likely come across sounding needy and clingy. The reason is that when we disown our needs in a relationship or are trying to hide them, we will try to meet those needs anyway in a roundabout ways. It's often those roundabout ways that come off as needy. The way through this is simply to be direct and own what it is that you require and want to be fully available in the relationship, unapologetically. You don't have to be a hard-ass in this stance. You can still do it from a feminine, firm and grounded place. This is respectable. The right man will be attracted to it. The wrong man may leave. Good riddance in that case.

[@sarahwiseman7745]

So 3 years, looked at rings. Why or how can he pull away especially with children involved?

[@signsofplay]

He pulled away when I told him I had a one month minimum dating rule before sex :(

[@arescue]

signsofplay you’re better off without him

[@iam6Machine]

signsofplay he’s only after your pie ..such a douchebag!

[@makeitcount2985]

He was a player be grateful he's gone

[@DivineProphetessCoral]

Then you are better off WITHOUT HIM!

[@bmassey1288]

Extremely true. A guy and his ex did this is his past relationship. There was a lot of fights, dysfunctions and manipulation and ridiculing. When we dated he misunderstood me a lot. Example we had plans to go to the movie. He stated he spoke with me at 11 before noon The day prior but didn't. He had a lot of friends and stated he talked to me. I replied he spoke with someone else and made plans with them. He got mad thinking I was staying a girl but I wasn't I stated his friends. He got mad, cancelled our movie plans and hung up on me. He didn't talk to me for a month. The tid for tad came from him a lot. Misunderstanding me and other. He cancelled a lot as a result of his son and ex. I understood but he later recently told a friend I was his ex but he and I never had a committed conversation. This happened at my job. I text him. He didn't know I knew and after I brought it to his attention my calls went to vm. He never replied.

[@a.d.b535]

I know he pulled away because he didn't see enough interest from me (my fear). I've been quiet 2 months so what's the harm in contacting him to let him know I've had a change of heart? I'm pretty sure he hopes I will step forward. My recent text to him said Hello :) and an hour later.nd he sent Hello! : ) Am I on track?

[@BKP62]

Women need this also .

[@janeharris6734]

God, I love you guys 💜🙏

[@matissagregor4801]

I voice my needs to him, but he calls it “lecturing” .

[@annemann8048]

Let me give a clear picture of how this is to work...The God of the word of God tells us to cease from man who is but a mere breath...we are not beggars...we are heirs with Christ...you can be anything you want all day long...in the end it all comes out...I am finished with trying to figure out what new game is being served up...I have my own interests...when they pull the pulling away routine.. I go do something else because this is my life also...my sun and moon do not rise and set around the man.They can do the man thing all they want...I like my time to do my interests. I clean house because I also live here...I cook because I also need nutrition...if he wants to stay and eat fine...if he wants to go away fine...for everyone who slams an emotional door in My face there is someone knocking to come in and dine at my table.. simple.

[@Glogurlify]

Anne Mann Love your attitude, yes! Man & women are both physical and spiritual. We see each other, however, the connection is innate and cultivated in love, this is gradual and no remedy outside of Gods word will satisfy. We can never know the opposite sex, we all have our purpose, enjoy, the surprises life gives. “Viva la difference” a lady, will always attract a man. He will honor her and hold her up, He will search for her like a pearl of great price.

[@doreenherman782]

I was talking to a guy for a few months,plus two weeks and we had a good connection and then he suddenly pulled away and then he came back, and now he only wants to be friends but I fell for him and how I am heart broken, but I am trying to move on but I its hard and now I am blaming myself for falling for him

[@mgichndz]

Doreen Herman - imagine that you are on the outside looking in and one day you saw that someone wrote that they were talking to a guy for a few months, he bails and comes back and now he just wants to be friends but that person fell for him and they need advice on what to do - wouldn’t you easily say to move on? Wouldn’t you say that if they cared enough in the first place that they would have done it properly?

[@makeitcount2985]

Finding out early on is best that way you can find a man that wants you completely, no reservations !

[@barbaratucker2924]

I know how u feel...they dont care how they make ur heart feel..its most always abt what they need...use and disappear...avoid...no communication unless ur the 1 who is trying to communicate...alot dont care or consider the damage they do by playing games to get them from point a to sm1 else when smthg else cms along that makes their eyes pop out(hoes) and bar rm flirts(tramps) and their tongue hang out of their mouth. If most of them ONLY KNEW how STUPID AND IMMATURE THEY ACT.."NO INTEGRITY!" BUT they think they are so slick and cunning!! PATHETIC FOR A GROWN(that thinks hes a MAN)to take advantage for his selfish pleasure then SNEAK out til the nxt 1 cms along!!

[@nathalie5238]

He pulls away... just live your life and know your worth. Is he coming back, well I will asses then if I am still intrested. If I am intrested I’ll tell him what I am looking for in a relationship in an authentic and vulnerable way. If he can’t give me that. He cannot give me that? Fair enough than he is not my man... If he wants to step up, we can look at it. The guy I am dating is pulling away or fading away. I don’t know right now, yes it stings... but I live my life the best I can in a juicy way. Hey his loss if he doesn’t see it 🥰

[@AD-hh6dd]

If I ever found out a guy did that on purpose to test me, I would see that as manipulative for him to toy with me and I’d calmly end the connection. No need to tell. He’d end up regretting he did that. Guess he’d have his answer on what I’d do lol

[@genfaye-o3c]

A week late for me to watch 😂 I freaked out and messaged him too much and couldn't sleep. Ugh

[@YourRealtor4Life]

🤣🤣🤣

[@healinginnately2816]

You are unique, one of a kind, there is only one of you... Go forward and be with someone who values you...is my suggestion. :) :)

[@farhanauddin2620]

Hey guys so my man said to me.. “do you mind if I have some time to myself? I need time to clear my head!” I gave him a few days then txt n rung once to see if he was ok and we were ok..to which he txted and said “I told you I need time to get better, why dnt you understand?” Now it’s been a week.. what do I do?

[@arizonadreaming4183]

Why did you call him?

[@doreenfarezoco6859]

so what if he pulls away for 3 months without a word. or maybe cause he got called out on a behavior then comes back like everything is ok saying he was just depressed what do i do with that

[@esem5347]

If you accept him back, he just worked out how easy you are. He will think I can play the field and just return with an emotional reason and Doreen will take me back. He may even plan on doing this to you whenever he wants a new woman. If you really like the guy and believe he was genuinely depressed, you could accept him back ONCE and tell him this is a one off but if you ever pull away again without engaging with me be in depression or even a death, I wont accept you back AND REALLY MEAN IT or else you'll be the side piece forever until he meets someone stronger. Have you seen the hell and torture women who accept men back time and time again experience ? It's because men learn those women have low self esteem (men dont respect what they see as weak) and take advantage of it. Who deserves better? You are worth more than you realize.

[@nicolemacer8224]

His pulled away it's a week now I broke up with him on day 3 of pulling away he hasn't said anything since then but he views my status on WhatsApp everyday

[@lynnplummer2193]

His stores about his ex he says around 10yrs they start going nuts , well we have been together 10 years now, and I gained 5lbs. He is started talking sex stuff on Facebook so its him not us? What can I do?

[@elaine48]

He's probably just busy.

[@pamiewatkins7354]

We didnt start mature he learns through other woman..i dont want to to tryif there so good let them handle him im done