“He Won’t Give Me Access to Our Money”

[@hilaryb8807]

Huge red flag- this is 100% financial abuse. My dad did the same thing to my mom, and it was all about control. When she threatened divorce, he told her he’d leave her and us kids on the street, penniless. In reality, she would have gotten more money from the divorce than the “allowance” he gave her. This isn’t the father you want for your children- he wants to control you, and he doesn’t respect you or your children. Your first priority should be doing what’s best for your children! Remember, you’re legally responsible for half your husband’s debt- you NEED to find out what the finances look like. No excuses.

[@Robert74450]

What happens if he passes

[@coolaunt516]

Money is power. She stays home, has three kids and no access to money.He has her exactly where he wants her.

[@bridgetreedmorawski]

That's ... Not most marriages. Is your wife ok? ​@@HOLDXSTEEL

[@bridgetreedmorawski]

(to be clear, the "no access to money" part isn't most marriages)

[@unelectedleader6494]

She doesn't know if he has any money. She says he makes 250 and then says she has no access to anything, so she has no idea.

[@lvluptoaverage52]

Did you missed the part that when she worked he paid all the bills and she got to keep all the money she earned. That’s not controlling please watch full vidoe

[@reese85]

⁠@@lvluptoaverage52did you miss the part where she said, it’s barely enough to cover the bills and she’s left with nothing after? That’s controlling

[@denizguneren8495]

My dad was 12 years older than my mum. Was a huge career man and my mum was a stay at home mum. He was so generous and loving and kind, my mum had full access to everything and whenever he bought a piece of real estate, he would put the deed in my mum's name saying that he didn't need anything as long as his family was ok. The very last house he purchased, where he lived till he passed away and my mum still lives, she forced him to put in his name for once so that he also owned "something". These kinds of stories make me appreciate him even more, and I'm grateful that he was my father. I love him and miss him everyday.

[@SweetlyHome]

This brought tears to my eyes. What a great man.

[@AllynHin]

She isn't even on the accounts. My first thought was, what is he hiding? She's going to be shocked if she finally gets a look at their finances. He is controlling her by keeping her cut off from money. This is abuse. She needs to talk to an attorney. Consults are free.

[@melhenline8438]

Exactly what I thought: what's he hiding?

[@ddubsr5886]

His mistress is not going to like this woman sniffing around their finances

[@champagne4bfast]

😂😂😂

[@jerryatkins2341]

@@champagne4bfast

[@EmpressMermaid]

That's exactly what I was thinking.

[@britchesmom]

BOOM!!!

[@abundantlife8396]

Isn’t $250,000 enough for two households?!? 😮

[@joko09010]

It’s not about the money, it’s about control through creating financial dependence. It’s a terrible situation to live under and breeds fear and resentment.

[@genxx2724]

That’s why women went to work. You can’t have it all.

[@Dad-979]

She signed up for it. She’s a moocher.

[@pamforrester844]

Never depend on anyone, always earn your own money

[@joko09010]

@@pamforrester844 Good theory. Now what happens when the woman is pregnant with a difficult pregnancy with a c-section, or the family has a few kids preschool age and they want mom to stay home with the kids instead of day care all day? She would have to do way MORE work than the man if she had to be pregnant three times, nurse and care for the kids AND have a job that can support her “just in case” he won’t share their community funds? That sounds like a ridiculous deal.

[@joko09010]

@@genxx2724 They have more than one child. Who do you think did all that WORK? And she is raising them instead of daycare. Have you ever been pregnant multiple times? When men can have the children we can talk about equality. Women STILL earn less than men and their rights to reproductive choices are being taken away constantly.

[@evanscouponmommy7816]

How is she supposed to afford a counselor. He doesn’t even give her enough money for the bills

[@stevenporter863]

I was thinking that too.

[@Scottsmusiccave]

most health insurance companies pay for counseling

[@bonniemcmaken3966]

​@@Scottsmusiccave Not usually in full.

[@yasminogbu8929]

In 2024 with the internet why do women continue to put themselves in this situation? You don’t even ask for money, you simply start a job & find a baby sitter that you’ll pay a month after your first pay check. Don’t even bother to tell him unless asks. THat will get his attention

[@fisher1484]

😂

[@crystalsnow1138]

My mom was a stay at home parent but she never had to ask my dad for money. They shared an account and she could spend money how she pleased.

[@HappyMarriedTradWife]

Same..my hubby doesn’t care if I decide to buy boxes of 💩 on Amazon. He never asks me what I bought or if I truly need it.

[@felisleo101]

That’s how I treat my wife. She has access to all our accounts because…wait for this…I trust and respect my wife and do not treat her like a wayward child who I married and had children with.

[@theeviltwincrisis6980]

Good exemple on why everybody are broke and cry on a tv show after. Dave my wife and i are 50k and debt what should i do. 😂

[@HappyMarriedTradWife]

@@theeviltwincrisis6980 Yet we don’t have debt and our credit score is 10 points from perfect. 🤔

[@HappyMarriedTradWife]

@@theeviltwincrisis6980 Not everyone is broke..some of us come here for entertainment 😉🤫😂

[@maryknight6020]

I don't understand how women (or any spouse) think it's okay to have money withheld from them. I dated a guy that showed these flags early on and I LEFT!!!

[@tspencer661]

If you grew up in an abusive household (verbal abuse, psychological abuse, addiction, physical abuse, sexu@l abuse), then abusive behavior seems normal. Those of us who grew up in abusive households find ourselves in partnerships with abusive people. It’s not until we are aware of our abusive backgrounds that we can make changes to our current and future lives. The lucky ones leave toxic relationships and build a great future for themselves. The unlucky ones stay and try to survive in misery. When I left my abusive ex husband, he nearly drained our entire savings account. It went from $8500 to $2500. He later told me that he didn’t have to leave me anything. He tried to pull off some other financial shenanigans, but they didn’t work. I told my attorney about everything and it was all submitted in my legal paperwork.

[@dixiewade8373]

Was that after you had three children with him and he showed his true colors?

[@kayn2756]

Put the kids in daycare. Have him pay for the daycare and get you a job. Simple solution.

[@Jaycv-dq3rg]

Nice advice from women make men pay you women need understand we really don't care about you

[@ProbablyBased]

​@@Jaycv-dq3rgThen don't marry or have children with them. You are free to personally live a woman-less life, but this man chose otherwise

[@robinbond7878]

Open your own account and GET AWAY FROM HIM!! He is not your FATHER! In fact, my father did not treat me that way!

[@wbae1340]

No kid this is stupid lol

[@bettysmith4527]

@@robinbond7878 Agreed, she should get a job and start banking money for herself and her kids, so she can safely leave!

[@Bees-knees99]

How do you say you’re having an affair without saying you’re having an affair?

[@The1JBanks]

At 250k a year she be ok. Bitches hearts heal like wolverine when that money right.

[@karil6461]

Right he's doing no good for sure.

[@jaredwarner2451]

Came here to say the same.

[@stephenieannarumma9064]

I love this so much because I was in a marriage where I don't/didn't think he was purposely making me dependent on him but that is how it ended up. I allowed it to happen but in the end I had to re learn how to be independent. I went to a counselor for "my" problems, because he wouldn't go to marriage counseling, but really it was a control thing on his part. Seeing this conversation can be so healthy and healing for so many.

[@awolf876]

That is the definition of financial abuse.

[@jessicaolson490]

Yeah there is no borderline here, there are two feet firmly over the line of financial abuse.

[@m.alnisamcconico8689]

This is absolute control and power. She probably should go back to work! I hope this marriage will not end up with this young mother, broke and emotionally broken.

It has already done this

[@attentive11]

He doesn’t want a wife. He wants an employee. She probably comes from very modest background and I’d be willing to bet he holds his income and lifestyle over her head as bait to stay.

[@LiveLocallyNow]

Older man wants and has control. Huge power dynamic. Total abuse. It’s beyond the money she just normalized it.

[@stevenporter863]

That is a huge guess based on not knowing anything except what she chose to share on a radio show. He is guilty until proven innocent?

[@FaithandPurpose828]

@@stevenporter863 She may be horrible at handling money. Didn't get the whole story, didn't hear his side.

[@LiveLocallyNow]

@@stevenporter863 rarely the case when you hear stories like this. Besides she worked up until 2 years ago, and now he’s acting like her father. Sure we didn’t hear both sides but I’d liked to have heard at least more from her. Also did I hear her say he refused marriage counseling? I need to listen to it again. Another red flag. Will he give her the money for her own counseling sessions, because she can’t go unless she ASKS for it. That’s not a fair relationship.

[@stevenporter863]

@@LiveLocallyNow Insurance usually pays for counseling.

[@LiveLocallyNow]

@@stevenporter863 he still refused to go (I think?). And usually there is a $20-40 dollar copay so shes still asking for money for counseling if that’s the case. She shouldn’t have to ask, at all.

[@momof2momof2]

I'm widowed, but when I was married, my husband took care of the bigger money, and I took care of the day to day expenses. I did get a certain amount each paycheck to run the household. It worked for many years. I'm glad we were so careful with money because when he passed away, I had control of everything, and our children and I are doing well. This woman would benefit more financially by divorcing him, then he will see just how much money she is entitled to.

[@db2631]

My wife tried that, and I took her to the cleaners. Now, she is forced to work, I have custody of the kids, and she is paying me child support. Grass isn't always greener, careful what you ask for!

[@derekd1510]

Divorce him for WHAT?! She's living a life most people would die for...WTF!?

[@macdonaldibe4667]

Your comment is really disgusting. Advising a woman you don’t know anything going on around her household is really bad of you. Just because she came online saying all this doesn’t make it true. I have seen one of my aunt lie with impunity towards a man that gives her everything. Now she’s suffering after making same decision you are advising this woman.

[@felisleo101]

@@derekd1510 Really. You would die to be at home raising the kids and begging your wife for an allowance?

[@derekd1510]

@@felisleo101 I have heard some women LIKE raising children. Not you of course, but some...

[@cheler1624]

I paid the bills from my paycheck but had to ask my ex for money when expenses exceeded my paycheck. He got pisswd and wanted to see the budget - when I pulled up receipts that showed 1K a month on booze he shut up then came home next day with Stoli instead of KettleOne. During the inevitable divorce… he thought he could lock me out of his acct. Lawyers fixed that - Power grabs and greed is no joke - I agree she needs community that can also serve to ensurre her safety. On a positive note - I ended up with the most valuable assets…the kids ❤

[@vkp00]

This is absolutely financial abuse! I witnessed it with a former friend's family. They were a middle class family with FIVE children, so the mother gave up her career to become a SAHM. While the father had a new car every few years, the mother drove the same maroon minivan for most of my childhood. Although I don't know much about their household since this was my brother's friend, there was one incident that stood out. My brother and I went out to eat with their family, taking two cars because we wouldn't fit in one vehicle. The father said no one under 13 was allowed in his new car, which at the time only included the oldest brother who was probably 14 or so. As the mother was busy getting the two youngest children ready, the father left without telling her, taking only the oldest son. When we arrived at the restaurant 30-40 minutes later, they were finishing their food. As they were leaving the table, the mother asked her husband for money. He told her to take us to McDonald's and left with the son. We ended up going to McDonald's and the park and had a blast. However, I remember the mother being somber the whole time.

[@zvmZvm0102]

You're nagging abuse

[@LovesLakes]

What does “nagging” abuse mean? I never heard that term before.

[@zvmZvm0102]

@@LovesLakes u know how females nag

[@FTG2Eli]

So sad

[@The1JBanks]

My dude kept that shit 100 she took too long so now she gotta take the kids to McDonald’s. She ain’t going to leave she got kids. Settle for a brokie clean up man maybe. Woman complain about anything. You could be homeless and raped daily yet these women still find shit to bitch about.

[@scottsanders2474]

I have a hard time believing that if the husband is that controlling on the finances that he is not controlling in other ways too. Such as limiting who the wife can be friends with (other women), what social activities she can participate in, and maintaining a relationship with her parents/siblings. She says there is no problem other than the finances, but I'm not buying it.

[@megan2478]

He hasn't wanted to combine expenses, but he also doesn't sit down and discuss the finances. People who are saying "well she maybe spending on the cards!" she likely doesn't have access to the cards. If she was overspending on them, if he sat down with her to discuss them, then he would know if she was overspending or not. And she kept her income when she was working not cause she wanted to hoard it but because he wouldn't combine into a central account. I can even understand if they wanted to do a central account for expenses...but she has NO IDEA of their financial health. And that is dangerous. He doesn't want to discuss their financial health...he doesn't want to go to therapy together...sounds like he doesn't like to talk...it is possible he likes to have total control. And it's funny, just cause we are hearing only one side, doesn't mean he isn't a problem. You don't need both sides to know when a marriage needs counseling.

[@cb2386]

Hi Dave, great show. But how will Angela pay for the counseling? Does she have to ask “daddy” for the money?

[@lindyc.2552]

Classic sign of a NARCISSIST!!!! Control the money and use it as a weapon...

[@bevandted]

Yes was w one 22 yrs left last sumer 🎉

[@bevandted]

Take the keys when he doesn't get what he wants, momey,car,cards, anything everything his control . If I worked he was mad I wasn't tending to his needs if I didn't work I was useless. Tired of silent treatment egg shells yelling gas lighting had to go after I realized he was a narcissists after 2 yrs you tube videos lee hammack..

[@genxx2724]

My colleague told her two daughters never to stop working unless they were financially independent. Their father had cheated on her, and the only reason she was able to leave is because she had a part-time job making at least some money.

[@zvmZvm0102]

Good advice for anyone. Women joining the workforce and doubling the supply of labor drove down wages, which is why it takes 2 incomes today for most households to get by, but not sure there's a good alternative.

[@BrianW211]

Yeah, red flag. There's no reason she shouldn't have access to their combined finances as long as she hasn't given him a reason to not trust her. It also could be that he doesn't give her access because he's got something to hide.

[@Drumbeat52]

Sounds like he was taken by another woman in his past.

[@ProbablyBased]

If he didn't trust her with finances, why would he put managing the bills on her? This would not add up

[@BrianW211]

@@Drumbeat52 She said "He's always been on his own." so that seems unlikely.

[@zvmZvm0102]

It's his money. He needs to trade this garden tool in for a younger version.

[@joygarrett8397]

@@Drumbeat52so what? Dont punish her!

[@mikeshaw4610]

I have seen within our family This is bad. Unless there is some other mental issue ha is being very controlling. I worked and my wife stay home raising our children during part of our marriage. She always had full access to all our finances.

[@kivekkulat5114]

I always try to steelman the other side of story since we only get callers perspective. I feel like this exact call could have come from my wife about us having separate accounts and her not having access to my account. She literally just complained about this a few weeks ago after getting herself worked up about it. I had to calmly explain she is on the account, she has her own debit card in her purse for the account, and she has her own login for the account to look at/change everything. The issue is she is terrible at remembering passwords so when she forgot hers she started asking me mine and logging in with that when she needed to check something (she never remember my password either). It’s been this way for about 8 years and she just forgot lol.

[@lashawnwilliams8299]

My wife is horrible with money ,I payed for everything she doesn’t want to work a full time job. When we separated she ran off with her pension I didn’t see a dime of it.bad credit so yes I keep my own checking account. Stayed for my children. So this might be this man’s side of the story. Never take a woman at face value without getting both sides of the story!

[@vickimerritt2832]

No one gives a pension for part time work, you are saying 2 contridictory things, if she had a pension she had to have worked to get such.

[@themurderbotfeed7688]

12 years age gap, that tells the whole story really.

[@mtbokor1969]

I don’t think the 12 year age gap is to blame. Not on a tone. I’m 11 years older than my wife and we share every penny. My best friend is 10 years older than his wife and they share every penny.

[@saribrown7156]

Erm, my dad was 16,5 years older my mom and they shared everything.

[@johnd9279]

She was 22 and I was 33 when we met 47 years ago. Both our names are on everything except we each have a couple of our own credit cards. We have several shared credit cards. Most out of pocket spending goes on a card,. I pay some of the bills, she pays some of the bills. Everything is paid from one joint account, that both our incomes go into. We are beneficiaries on each others retirement accounts. We don't carry any month to month debt any more, except a small low rate mortgage. Now retired 23 & 14 years.

[@privacyplease1556]

Yup. He groomed her and is holding her captive

[@dixiewade8373]

No it doesn't, it could be a two year age gap but this is his control issue.

[@soni05131]

omg!! "ask him for $20" Get a job, get an attorney get your 1/2 and go!

[@starrystarrynight6281]

When people say to be honest with you then there is more to it than she’s saying.

[@Sweet_Southern_Pecan]

That's what I was thinking. There are too many wholes in this story.

[@LEP021085]

I was going to post something but I don’t feel like being the bad guy today with my hot take.

[@HappyMarriedTradWife]

As soon as we were married it became our money. My hubby doesn’t like managing the money so I do 💯so we never have fights about money, but the in-laws are a different story. I can’t believe people actually live like this. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@CoffeenSpice]

My parents lived like this. My father wanted to pay my mother from shared money for raising children. That was the least of problems... Divorce was the best thing that happened to me.

[@KrystalAri]

My husband is 14 years older and I married at 20 in 2022. I became a SAHW now SAHM. He gave me full access to all finances immediately. I do our budget and financial planning. I couldn't imagine living like this. It's so sad 😢 no wonder women are working with men like this around!

[@froggore52]

If this guy's not cheating on her I'll eat my hat.

[@calebdoner]

I could see him doing this if she refused to stick to a budget and was always overspending their accounts. The default should be a mutually agreed upon budget that they both stick to and agree on any changes. If she refuses to stick to it and is spending the rent money on clothes, then yes, he needs to put her on an allowance for the sake of financial solvency. But if that is occuring, there are other huge problems with their marriage too.

[@trezzyk220]

Listening to callers like this reminds me how incredibly blest I am to have my husband. I was a stay at home mum for 5 years. Every pay day hubby would say "we" got paid. I pray this woman finds a way out of this situation.

[@mikepaulus4766]

I worked at a bank call center. I talked to several surviving spouses, retirement age, the other spouse was the one who was good at managing money. So a 71 year old who never learned to manage money because they were making mistakes and paying fees, has to learn the hard way late in life without help or guidance. 😢

[@genxx2724]

Today’s 70-year-olds should know better.

[@morgancr67]

@@genxx2724 They come from a generation where women could not have control of money. It was not until the late 70s that wives could get credit in their own name.

[@kaythegardener]

Any spouse who gives the other spouse an "allowance" is treating them like children, not adults... & abusing their partners!!

[@goldgeologist5320]

They only hear her side of the story. My wife spent a lot like crazy! I traveled extensively overseas for work to remote places, and come back to huge bills. I had to cut her off from the money to save the family. Now we are separated. Guess who is in extreme debt and she is a doctor! And I have no debt and savings. So do not judge until you know the full story.

[@Afrinaturality]

If he's that worried, he could put some extra money in a spending/debit account for her on an agreed basis. He doesn't. Something's up.

[@thomasdalton1508]

​@@AfrinaturalityThat's exactly what he does do. That's what she said at the very start of the call. Apparently, the amount he's putting into her account isn't enough, but they didn't enquire into that at all so we don't know what is going on there.

[@thomasdalton1508]

Absolutely. They never bother to ask the necessary questions and just start giving advice from a position of ignorance.

[@LVGirl4]

She wouldn’t be calling if she was spending like a thief! If she was guilty she wouldn’t be asking for help.

[@FaithandPurpose828]

@@LVGirl4 How do you know that?

[@goforbroke2]

I’d like to hear the side of his story……… I used to refinance houses. I ran into an alarming amount of couples where the husband worked and the wife took care of the bills and children. Meanwhile they’re in 50K-75K of credit card debt and the husband didn’t even know because she paid the bills every month. Those were always terrible phone calls reading off their credit report.

[@hrobinson9701]

I know a couple like that. Hubby works, wife runs the household - but the wife is not the one with the credit card. Hubby buys whatever strikes his fancy and it's up to his wife to figure out how to fit the credit card bill into the budget. Oh, and he doesn't like to discuss money.

[@champagne4bfast]

That’s definitely the flip side but there’s also a reality that’s more balanced. She should have access to money no matter what.

[@joygarrett8397]

As an older single female who saved & scrimped all her life I have to yell Red Flag!! My ex (kids step-dad) apparently thought I was a honey pot cause I was so good with $$. Then I got a small inheritance from my dad. Before I could get the trust set up & protect accounts, he managed to rob me of that 200k+. Also decided he didn’t need to work much (or at all) & it all happened so fast. She needs to protect herself.

[@catherinep2034]

So he's making sure she can't save to escape if needed?

[@asnboy1084]

He’s covering up the fact that he’s broke. I doubt he’s making 250k a year.

[@michaelhooker980]

Marriage counseling is definitely in order. I would withhold judgment until u hear both sides of the story,which we arent getting in this call.

[@mtbokor1969]

I’m sorry, but there’s no judgment to be withheld. She has no access to the bank accounts. What other side of the story is there?

[@diannemc3179]

He’s a control freak. And she’s in denial. Bet he’s got something on the side.

[@dominiquejones6758]

This is why I will never agree to be a Stay At Home anything. Never depending on anyone else for my survival. She should go back to work and make her own money.

[@mtbokor1969]

I think you missed the point of the call. And one of the fundamentals of Dave’s advice. It doesn’t matter who makes some money, every dime is shared and the second you get married, you should be combining your finances. It’s totally OK if both parties of a marriage work. But your independence should not be tied to your paycheck. and if the only way that you feel secure in a relationship is to work, your relationship is fundamentally broken

[@KrystalAri]

She will definitely end up a broke single mother on welfare 💯 and I'm a SAHM. But I have full control over the finances and financial planning. He will definitely leave her and the kids.

[@wufflerdance9481]

im a stay at home mom but i do all the finances and just do weekly checkins with my husband so he knows whats what on each account cause he knows im better at budjeting and bill tracking. he says its our money not his. i worked till kids but it was always our money even then im even the primary on some accounts cause since he worked during the day i had to open some and then he would add himself later which was faster

[@mominthe209]

He has a side chick.

[@LEP021085]

She actually may be the side chick.

[@mominthe209]

@@LEP021085 but they are married.

[@blongshanks77]

This is one of the risks that woman take when they marry an older man who is the sole breadwinner. She mentioned the 12 year age gap for a reason. Nothing wrong with him being the sole provider, but it seems to be at the expense of him being very controlling with her. She’s probably just a trophy wife to him.

[@alexiscook607]

What if she is a spender or a gambler? I agree. No advice can be given without talking to him. My husband does not have access to our money because he is a compulsive gambler. I’m curious to know his reason.

[@brendahere]

It sounds like there more to the story.

[@ebransc09]

On both sides

[@jessicaolson490]

Yeah I bet he either is grossly lying about his income, is spending it on shady crap like being in debt to gambling. Is cheating, or some combination of the three. I remember one true crime video where the husband completely the finances and was basically lying the whole time about being rich and when he got close to being found out he murdered the whole family for example. I'd say the most common thing though would be cheating mixed with having control over the other spouse being the motivating factors for completely blocking somebody from the family finances.

[@USMC6976]

He's a control freak and is going to make sure she doesn't leave him. He also believes if she divorces him, she won't get anything. Also, it makes it easier for him to cheat. She won't have any idea what he's spending money on.

[@bridgettefleming6140]

How will she pay for the therapist?

[@zvmZvm0102]

Isn't it surreal 1 out of 3 women today is on psyche/anti-depressant meds? WTF is wrong with them?

[@carolynstewart8465]

This isn't a money problem. But a relationship problem.

[@butwhyshouldi]

If he's not willing to see a counselor, how is she gonna see a counselor with "his" money?

[@jaye9300]

Because it’s not a money problem, it’s a marriage problem. That’s what the video was exposing.

[@mariegiardini]

How low do you have to be to keep all of the finances to yourself and only give your spouse enough money to skate by leaving them with almost "zero dollars". He is definitely a part of the Red Pill community because this is a part of their idealology, just to give women enough to survive but not enough to live. Her husband installed her from jump. He had this all planned out, and she fell for it hook, line, and sinker. She definitely needs to seek counseling or a divorce. He is already thinking two steps ahead of her. If she does leave, it will be very difficult for her to get anything from "their" assets. Home girl better run and quick!

[@Ourlittlehomesteadlife]

They need a marriage counselor. This is not a healthy marriage.

[@therealmvp232]

It’s about him not wanting to come home one day and she cleaned out the account

[@TimothyStuder]

Jokes on him when more than half his income goes to alimony and child support.

[@barnabusdoyle4930]

This is one of the things that upsets me about Ramsey, they didn’t even probe into WHY he is handling the money like that. She seems like someone who plays the victim a lot and nothing is ever her fault. My guess is, if you spoke with him, she is really bad with money and can’t be trusted not to show up to the house one day with a brand new car and $500 in jewelry. There is definitely a reason he keeps her out of the bank account. She also didn’t seem afraid or concerned about the situation, so she knows why he won’t let her have all the money. Don’t be fooled by her pretty face and soft voice.

[@calpolyca]

@@barnabusdoyle4930 I agree, and I'm female. Would've loved to hear the husband's side of the story. I have a feeling she's not telling the whole story.

[@derekd1510]

@@barnabusdoyle4930 Don't be too upset with Ramsey. They can only go by the info they get. It's not like we would get a straight answer out of her any way if the situation is as you suspect.

[@mtbokor1969]

@@barnabusdoyle4930 it’s sad that you look for a reason why somebody is being abused. She emphatically states that he has never been willing to combine finances. Ramsey and his daughter did not jump to any conclusions. They did ask some probing questions. All you can do is take the collar at face value, as opposed to trying to invent reasons why they’re lying.

[@tspencer661]

I agree with Rachel. THIS IS FINANCIAL ABUSE. This woman needs to find a way to get out of this relationship. She needs to make a plan to get out safely. Abuse is abuse. Abusers rarely change.

[@christinao8877]

She should have access to a household account. What is she going to do if he dies? Listing your spouse as beneficiary on life insurance and retirement accounts is mandatory also all accounts should have her as POD - listed as beneficiary payment on death. How awful and she has children.

[@daisy9910]

This is coercive control, his behaviour is going to escalate. He's a dangerous man.

[@stevenascher1515]

The control is scary!

[@mominthe209]

The 12 year age gap reminds me of someone I knew long ago. Dude was about to turn 40 and had never even been engaged. He had to go much younger because he didn’t want to raise another man’s children. I really don’t think he looked at her as an equal. I’ve been married for decades and I ask my husband for cash on a regular basis because I don’t carry cash and he does. Accounts were always joint from the start but we are old school.

[@jg7714]

12 years is not a huge gap. All men want a younger wife, it's not that he "had to" go younger, he wanted to and had that option. Men who don't have that option settle for an older broad. And no man with any self worth or value wants to raise another man's kids.

[@mominthe209]

@@jg7714 I don’t think ALL men want a younger wife. I think they definitely want to look at younger women. I enjoy looking at younger men as it reminds me of my youth and the glorious fun I had back then. It takes a real man to raise someone else’s child and i married him. It was a marriage that didn’t work out. Not a single mom in my teens.

[@rhondapayne2195]

This is financial abuse. He is controlling her by withholding financial information from her. What happens to her and the children if he becomes incapacitated in some way? Where are the insurance policies, the will, information on retirement accounts, etc.? Yeah sis, this is not good.

[@match20x]

I feel so sad for her and women in similar situations. And for that reason, I decided that I want to be a working mom no matter what. And I tell my daughter the same thing. Important to have separate accounts too so you never feel that you are completely dependent on anyone. I give the same speech to my son because people - women & men - can change.

[@--23238]

I find this interesting because on one side if she just is a stay-at-home mother how much money does, she really need to take care of the kids but on the other side of that it is nice to know how much money you and or your spouse because you need that security of knowing how much you have. And I can imagine it would be scary to be completely in the dark about your finances in today's world.

[@kbanghart]

It's not just nice, it's absolutely mandatory.

[@juliamc77]

“Just” a stay at home mom? She is raising his 3 kids. As a recent stay at home mom I realize it’s not just babysitting, you are basically household manager. Since my husband works all day he doesn’t know when and what groceries we need. When the TP is low etc. also I have more time to keep a detailed budget. I know where the money goes and when bills are due. The fact that he gives her an “allowance” that barely covers groceries and bills is terrifying. Every one needs fun money too. She’s basically a slave if she gets nothing for the work she does. The only money he allows her access to is to fill his own fridge.

[@KathleenMcNe]

It's a huge mistake for couples with such different views on marriage and finances to marry.

[@kbanghart]

@@juliamc77 yeah if her story is all true, that's absolutely ridiculous. I have a coworker who relied on her husband's income for a while, but when she started buying stuff like shoes or whatever, he would start questioning a bit, so she got her own job. I would never consider giving my wife a super small allowance. Like tf. We're supposed to be partners.

[@--23238]

@@juliamc77 My mother was also a stay-at-home mom but what I mean by the word "just" is that from my view of seeing my mother do it being a stay-at-home mom does not require the need for let's throw a number of like 100 thousand dollars like her husband was making.

[@suen5006]

This about control. He's being abusive unless she has some history of reckless spending but I don't hear that. She can't go to counseling because he's not going to give her the money to go!

[@DoubleMaduagwu]

I'm favoured, $27K every week! I can now give back to the locals in my community and also support God's work and the church. God bless America.

[@ArthurTuttacastilho-tm5pb]

As a beginner what do I need to do? How can I invest, on which platform? If you know any please share.

[@DoubleMaduagwu-sb4kp]

Yes! I'm celebrating £32K stock portfolio today... Started this journey with £3K.... I've invested no time and also with the right terms, now I have time for my family an…

[@AllenChristopher-fp3yn]

She is really a good investment advisor. I was privileged to attend some of her seminars, that's how I started my crypto investment

[@lottiegray8790]

I have heard a lot of wonderful things about Sonia Duke on the news but didn't believe it until now. I'm definitely trying her out

[@azmatwassan8857]

I'm glad to write her tay I do hope she will help handle my paycheck properly☺️☺️☺️

[@crystalstump8537]

I wish they had asked how she pays the bills she said that she paid. What did she do with the money she was making 2 years ago. Lots of questions here.

[@elnivekify]

Hang on for 2 more years and you're entitled to half 😂

[@mtbokor1969]

She has three kids. If they divorce, she’s going to be getting a tremendous amount of child support until those kids are out of school.

[@LEP021085]

@@mtbokor1969yep, unless you get a judge that says since you hold all resources, you get custody of children. It’s rare but it has happened. On another note, I knew someone who literally spent all of his money, burned through everything so his wife wouldn’t get anything. Petty Rosevelt to the max

[@danielw.5993]

I would start working again while I’m working out the issues. I didn’t hear her say that he doesn’t want her to work.

[@jonaingo29]

Does she have a history of addiction (drugs, gambling, alcohol, shopping)?

[@qiagarrott5282]

What?

[@melissaarguello5684]

That was my first thought. What are her spending habits? What is her financial history?

[@Chad-qe6yv]

I had the same thought. The part that stuck with me was "he gives me money to pay the bills each month but it isn't enough". So a guy that makes $250k a year doesn't know what his monthly expenses are and he's shorting her or she is blowing it all and then there is barely enough to cover the bills. There is two sides to every story and you only generally get one side on these calls.

[@ProbablyBased]

This is a good question. But then why would he give her the duties of managing all the bills? Those are pretty important and one miss can really mess you up

[@champagne4bfast]

@@ProbablyBasedexactly. You don’t get the addict to pay the bills

[@gailrodgers3079]

My ex didn't make $250K but his idea of 'us' budgeting the paycheck. He shows me where the money is going and that is it. Last time I wrote a check out of our 'supposed' joint account it was for a prescription for one of our boys. He got mad and told me I should have had the pharmacy wait for payment until Friday (no credit cards in that era). Not only did I got through emotional abuse with him, I went through financial abuse as well.

[@jimmymcgill6778]

This does not make sense. He gives her money to pay the bills. But she does not have access to his accounts. So how does she pay the bills?

[@xoxrazzyxox]

Probably transfers it into her account

[@EsiriE]

Sounds like he gives her an amount to pay the bills, but he doesn’t give her enough so she has to keep asking him for more money, but he doesn’t want to just give her access so she could help herself to the money instead of always having to ask him.

[@jimmymcgill6778]

@@EsiriE But how can you pay bills with cash?

[@champagne4bfast]

@@jimmymcgill6778lol are you for real? She has a bank account. He transfers money to her bank account and she drains it paying bills online.

[@migo799]

​@@jimmymcgill6778dumbest thing I've ever read

[@randybrechbiel9748]

My ex wife took my card away because she said I was spending too much money. Funny thing was after that we still didn't have money

[@restandrelaxation4039]

I can see where couples like this end up in a position like this… I’d probably want to handle the finances. But I’m also an anti-debit card guy. This sounds like an easy problem. Just have a conversation and get a credit card. And spend what you’ve budgeted for your silly money. Then in my head that’s one transaction, not 20 $20 transactions I have to account for. And then at the end of every month just be open about where you stand in your financial accounts. Do that over dinner out or something. Make it a part of date night.

[@simshengvue5799]

Why do they never just go off of what the caller says and question them Instead of just making up a whole bunch of ideas messing up the caller's head

[@sp-cn8pm]

Because that's not normal behavior in their situation and some people don't understand the gravity of how much it needs to be looked into. The questions are for the listeners as much as the callers.

[@stevenporter863]

Dave and Rachel are up in arms for the caller.

[@Hawaii567]

No chance this is a serious comment 😂

[@JasonGroom]

This sounds terrible, and it likely is. I would be curious to hear his side though. There are circumstances where even Dave has suggested not giving one side of a marriage access to the money if they are a crazy spender. I don't think that is the case here, but would certainly make his side interesting to hear

[@garys8415]

Absolutely pathetic, it is abuse.

[@christinaify]

So this doesn't come off as him being purposefully abusive like we sometimes see in these situations. He probably feels as though he's being generous. I'm also curious if she's brought any of this up? Has she told him he isn't giving her enough to cover expenses? The cost of things has skyrocketed in the years since COVID. If he's handing her the same amount he was giving her eight years ago to pay bills he hasn't seen since who knows when then this might just need to be a very simple conversation. "I need more and I want to be involved in the finances supporting our family" is not asking a lot. Now if he's doing all this to control her or hide something then $%#@ this dude. Or if he's insecure because a pretty younger woman married him and her asking for money confirms the dark voice in his head that that's all she's there for that's a *him* problem he needs to sort out.

[@Jinty_1966]

She should get a job even from home and have her own account. Just a suggestion.

[@truebengalsfan]

She playing victim

[@kimberlygorgoglione9237]

No, she has a job already as a mother. She needs to get control of the family finances and show her husband what a complete jerk he is. And use a lawyer.

[@LEP021085]

@@kimberlygorgoglione9237why would he give her control of the finances when he was doing well financially before she was in the picture?

[@privacyplease1556]

“Refused to combine finances when I was working so I decided to quit my job, have his kids and become entirely dependent on him.” This one is not that bright.

[@zacshor2189]

Imagine forming an opinion based on one side of the story...

[@stevegold2784]

That's what I get here. Only 1 caller

[@theeviltwincrisis6980]

Exactly i hate when they do that. She could be a big liar or be telling half true we don’t know

[@donnagomez2680]

There is not enough information here to get the full story. My husband and I keep our finances separate, but both contribute equally to the bills.

[@iBryanDBrown]

There's 2 sides to this story. There's no telling what she did. People throw around the word "abuse" for anything they don't like these days. lol smh.

[@juliamc77]

My husband went through mental health issues and ran us into debt. A lot of debt. He was the spender. I never stopped sharing my income when I worked. If anything he can maybe not give her a card if she has a problem. The issue is he isn’t being transparent. When my husband had his issue we locked away his cards. Took them off apple wallet etc. but he still acccess to everything we just made it a little harder to spend to fix addiction. We budgeted together and we stayed a team and fixed our habits together. I didn’t just take everything away and leave him in the dark. Now he is so motivated to pay everything off and we are on the same page. We decide together where every penny goes even tho I’m a stay at home mom now. No matter what his side of the story is, there are ways to work through an issue without being this controlling. He is leaving her in a vulnerable place and her whole livelihood is dependent on him and he is leaving her in the dark. That’s abuse

[@trainboy192]

He is probably also marking her car tires. Been in that situation and left.

[@chazzkramer7676]

So, according to most of the comments on here, marriage is about power... interesting.

[@curiouscat3384]

Sounds like this guy just doesn't want her to know how he spends his money - as Dave said, "there's something going on here". Does he love his kids? I'm mostly worried when a wife does not have information or access to the finances What if he dies tomorrow - how will she access the accounts and insurance etc. I hope FPU teaches people to prepare for disasters with joint policies and beneficiary and power of attorney designations, etc.

[@lvluptoaverage52]

Please listen to the whole video. At first I was with her. She kept all the money she earned when she was working. Right now she is staying home and he gives her enough for the bills. It could be that’s all she hey have. It could be she spends too much. Because she was working at one time and kept all the money while he paid the bills so she had the opportunity to save and have her own money.

[@xoxrazzyxox]

But she doesn’t know their financial situation. He won’t talk to her about his income. So she’s unable to make informed choices, she may need to go back to work but if he doesn’t share that with her how will she know? Transparency is important in a successful marriage.

[@ShaeJ_Shae]

Did you listen to the whole video? She said she tried to combine the accts when she was working, but he said no. He didn’t want her to have access even when she could contribute financially.

[@hrobinson9701]

You need to go back and listen again. He gives her "X amount of money for the bills" BUT IT IS NOT ENOUGH!

This is a partnership not a marriage.

[@ilovefefi]

As a stay at home wife and mom of soon to be three, this is disgusting. He doesn’t respect you.

[@elizabethpieters7798]

LESSON FOR WOMEN Don't give up your job or career to become a full time housewife or Stay At Home Mom. You will be vulnerable for physical abuse, emotional abuse and financial abuse. Controlling men love women with no money because no money means no power and it makes it harder to leave a unhealthy unstable marriage. Educate yourself, make sure you have marketable skills and don't quit your job for a man.

[@mtbokor1969]

Your advice doesn’t really make sense. Because you’re saying the only way women can be independent and strong is to have a paycheck. This marriage was never a marriage of equals, because he was never willing to merge his finances. She was willing to merge her finances. That was the red flag from the beginning. The real advice for women is to marry somebody who loves you and respects you. It is an absolute blessing for one parent to be able to raise the children and not have to pay somebody else to do it on your behalf. Women shouldn’t have to protect themselves by keeping their job. Plenty of women step out of the workforce for years to raise a child and then go back to work after that.

[@elizabethpieters7798]

@@mtbokor1969 my advice mskes perfect sense for smart women. Lots of so called "good husbands" change after marriage and women are trapped. Having yoyr own paycheck makes it easier to save yourself.

[@aaronmurphy8796]

It really seems like they didn’t set up clear norms about how they wanted to handle money when she went to stay home . It’s good that she’s establishing now what she wants and they can now have some concrete discusions about weather they want the same thing . It’s a shame they weren’t on the same page before she went home . Hard to imagine that he’d have just suddenly after 6 years of seperate finances have known she expected that to all change . Poor communication makes so many problems

[@MR-fn7rw]

They went through FPU together and he still didn’t want too

[@aaronmurphy8796]

@@MR-fn7rw yeah she may find he just never is willing to . I’m just saying it’s unfortunate they got married without agreeing to what they wanted to do . If she wanted it small combined it would have been best to fully agree to that prior to marrige . Instead it sounds like she wanted that and knew he didn’t and got married and then hoped fpu would bring him around . That’s not the best plan . There’s stuff I’m not negotiable on in my marrige . But all that stuff I discussed with my wife ahead of time and we reached agreement . She had some stuff as well that we also reached agreement on . That’s in my view the correct way to go about it

[@hardchooligan]

Probably has another woman on the side and can't let her see the bills and realize it

[@LEP021085]

Or…hear me out…he knows she might be entertaining someone else.

[@lrlforfun]

Hubby has a choice. Counseling, learning to share or.......divorce court.

[@fenomfangx]

Could be he's an asshole, but it could be she just up and quit her job with no discussion and blows through money. There is always 3 sides to a story - his, hers, and the truth.

[@stevenporter863]

My thought too. The truth is usually somewhere between the two stories - and we heard only one story (probably edited to make her look like the good guy).

[@TimothyStuder]

He makes 250k. She can afford to not work and still afford plenty of things. If he's that vindictive, wait until he figures out she'll get 12k a month in the divorce

[@stevenporter863]

@@TimothyStuder You can still over spend on $250k. Can't out earn overspending.

[@calpolyca]

@@TimothyStuder There are a lot of other Ramsey calls w/ couples calling in who make over 250K and are in massive amounts of debt. Sometimes it's the people who have a large incomes who are the worst spenders

[@rickw3243]

If he is so suspicious of his wife who bore him children then he shouldn’t have gotten married.

[@theeviltwincrisis6980]

A prime exemple of a man who think about the future for his family by making the sacrifice now so they can enjoy later. But no she want to sabotage that journey to wealth and dave is helping her to do so

[@DudeMuscle]

Yeah because your spending is out of control! If he’s “controlling” and “financially abusive” why didn’t he make her combine her finances for 6 years and withhold it from her? There’s gotta be more to the story!

[@joko09010]

How TF do you know that? And he’s denying her access to any financial resources, how is that fair or any type of partnership?

[@clarifyingquestions]

Then why marry her? Silly husband!

[@DudeMuscle]

@@joko09010 I heard just as much as Dave and came to another conclusion! He needed to ask more questions before rushing to judgement 🤷‍♂️ I could be wrong but it would be nice to have more context! Some callers conveniently leave out details unless it’s pulled out of them!

[@eile4219]

our money or his money?

[@DebbieBennett-p5v]

I don't feel sorry for these men or women who marry someone way older than themselves and then are treated like children with an allowance. Did she sign a prenuptial also? Divorce him...

[@garybrown4753]

The real question they need to ask is have you misbehaved with money in the past. Then you can work on that.

[@nygreek743]

He remembers the dates you went with him and how much it costed. He knows you probably will spend it all away Get your own job when the child is in school.

[@clarifyingquestions]

So he is an idiot for marrying her?

[@DudeMuscle]

@@clarifyingquestions he’s an idiot for having kids with her!

[@Bostonboi80]

Wow, that is very inappropriate. She has a job. She's a stay at home mom. They are married and both spouses should have access to the bank account. Shame on her husband.

[@itumelengmahaole5890]

​@@clarifyingquestionsyes.

[@itumelengmahaole5890]

@@Bostonboi80 even if she's horrible with finances?

[@rayparks6854]

Let's hear the guy's side of the story before jumping to conclusions. I am not saying this is true, but perhaps he already knows that she is terrible with money. It definitely sounds like it could be a control thing, but there could be a very good reason for it as well.

Paying the bills is one thing but closing her out and not being open and honest is another thing.

[@kirapoodle]

We don't know the whole story, she could be very irresponsible with money and that is his way of protecting the family.

[@kiwiskiwi]

That's a pretty terrible take.

[@289Mustang67]

She's running out of money to pay bills and yet he makes $250,000. That doesn't sound like she's being irresponsible.

[@stevenporter863]

Once again Rachel and Dave are way oversimplifying without the facts. Their conclusion is automatically gender and financial abuse. Perhaps she is very bad with money or doesn't stay within the guard rails of his income (goes over budget every month). I would like to hear his side: people don't take control of finances just for control or financial abuse reasons. Suprised since they want to manually underwrite and everyone to hear their side while they don't hear his side.

[@Mel-tw6qv]

Then he needs to pay her for all the unpaid labor. Or she can go back to work and they can pay $1000+ to childcare. The guy is a d bag. We don’t even leave our teens with zero at the end of each month. You need a little cushion for life things.

[@thomasdalton1508]

​​@danielrn133 They didn't say it's her fault. He said it might be her fault.

[@steve2474]

I wonder how many people find out that their spouse called The Ramsey Show and spilled the beans about their bad behavior or habits to a national audience or were informed by a friend that their spouse called?

[@katiejon17]

What a bold stance Dave and Rachel took on this one..l without ever asking the question “why”. I’ve heard Dave say countless times to a responsible spouse to “stop allowing access to the family money” when the other one is spending through their income and causing a financial crisis. Yet not one single question to this caller about about WHY this might be happening, how much debt did she bring into the marriage that her husband had to pay-off, etc. This is NOT how these calls are supposed to go. Are they gunning for some ESG score?!

[@notoriousnic727]

This is NOT how a spouse is supposed to treat you, PERIOD. It does not matter at all what debt she brought, what her credit score is or even what she looks like. This 1000% is financial abuse. She is not being able to see what money is coming into her home with her spouse. No excuse for behavior like that, NONE. Ladies, do not be fooled this is not love it is control. That is why if you can always work and keep money on the side. If you have to run you can and you are not stuck financially.

[@chris2796]

Maybe they didn’t watch the whole video

[@289Mustang67]

Or maybe HE's being irresponsible with money and is hiding it from her.

[@alannaalbritton381]

If she was in major debt or irresponsible I doubt she want to see a marriage counselor

[@BriannaEmily]

@@289Mustang67 this one. Families have ended up homeless or dead before because the husband kept their money a secret and then was scared to tell the truth.