Healing from Narcissistic Abuse and Complex Trauma with Ingrid Clayton PhD

[@helen9412]

“I’m either gonna privilege their wounding …or I’m gonna privilege my healing”. 🙌🏾

[@kellyd2691]

Its just unbelievable listening to you. I can see how years of trying to work out my dysregulation through cognitive methods has just never worked. You cant talk your way out of trauma that runs right through your body. At 52 I have realised the damage my childhood has done and that my mother continues it by scapegoating and gaslighting me to regulate her own trauma. She has continued it on for me. So no choices left, I cant be around her or in contact with her or I'm going to end up really sick. My life has been one big joke but I hope from here I can heal through therapy and finally be who I really am. Thanks for sharing this, it really helps people ❤

[@carrieannearts]

So much of this story describes my life. The Narcissist alcoholic was my mother. I’m studying to be an art therapist now to try to find some purpose in this catastrophic train wreck of a life.

[@dreaomg]

Today I am going to let go of my fantasy finish line, thank you Ingrid ❤

[@KatWoodland]

33:17 Chronic fawning response . . . suppression of resentment . . . ah yes. My conditioning via a pathologically narcissistic mother and codependent father. I was stuck in fawning and am learning that a fight response is a life giving and healthy response. At last! You’ve nailed it Ingrid. Thank you. Here I am with appropriate resentments . . . learning to have healthy anger AND be okay with it.

[@bellaluce7088]

Love this! "Here I am with appropriate resentments . . . learning to have healthy anger AND be okay with it." Kudos!👏👏👏

[@sarahjensen2473]

I’m glad to hear someone else talk about how 12 Step programs can go wrong. My recovery started when I quit meetings and trying to get my counselor to help at all. Even without substance abuse, trauma healing is a challenge that we’re just collectively learning to do. Thank you for being vulnerable and real about your experience!

[@KatWoodland]

Thanks for giving voice to that.

[@bellaluce7088]

@sarahjensen2473 The lack of awareness of cPTSD and narcissistic abuse among many therapists can make finding someone who gets it really difficult. I'm glad you've found healing without that. I'm very grateful for resources like Patrick Teahan's and Dr. Ramani's channels, the book Homecoming by John Bradshaw, and talks and comments sections like this one! I wish I'd known as a young person that someday I really would learn to love and accept myself.

[@dreaomg]

When my mother died, my body collapsed with the freedom, something left my body and I also felt safe and free for the first time

[@aml8760]

Really?

[@dreaomg]

@@aml8760 don't come on here invalidating my experience. Such a narc move.

[@dreaomg]

@@aml8760 your sort aren't welcome around here.

[@elainesmith5313]

Like Ingrid...I found Alanon! It saved my life and they became my Family. Thank you!!

[@weaviejeebies]

It never ceases to amaze me how nearly every adult who grew up in trauma can tell the same story both externally and internally. Only the cast of players and the scenery is different. We all might've seen different faces or made different choices, but the trajectory is the same and the restless, despairing search for a loving connection with ourselves and others.

[@daniellelearnsstuff]

Ingrid and I are such kindred spirits. I love how comical she is! Keep it up Ingrid

[@iw9338]

Yes i decided at 16 not to be a burden, as the 10th kid. The 3 above me were acting out, so i have to be a good girl and dont have any needs 😮😢. Thank God for healing and a voice.

[@CarniBarbie]

Yup…the “good” kid. Unfortunately it caused me to act out in my 40’s and ruined my life.

[@tiab4697]

I always thought "There's no way I will find the way because no one with the ability to feel so small will ever show the way". Thank you for giving us the chance to thrive instead of trying to make tools fit that I don't know how to use.

[@deborahmartin5410]

This woman is a pioneer ❤😮 A badass !!!! I’m so grateful for her….

[@AvaGrail]

Thank you so much for your work!! this is so helpful for me today. I was diagnosed with C PTSD at the age of 60… i’m now 64 and I’m so grateful to finally have a sense of understanding of what is occurring within.

[@KatWoodland]

You go girl!

[@jodykrupp3350]

You Ingrid are a beautiful person…your story is speaking to my mind .body. & soul. Thank you thank you!! I have your book and this video also has helped me immensely! I believe the Lord directed my path to you! ❤

[@carmenpentek-meyyappan6138]

You are so brave, Ingrid! Very impressive! Wishing you all the best ~

[@Eniral441]

I relate so much to this. I didn't have the substance addiction or grooming. But I still relate to even that early stuff. I feel like I can't show "my broken self" and would probably go from meeting to meeting too. Thank you so much for your bravery in sharing this.

[@joannabrites6288]

It’s baffling how someone can actually become a doctor while another can’t get out of their own way. I was told how stupid I was so never believed I could pass in school so I never went. How someone at 21 goes to AA and gets clean and never relapses while I’m 60 and still struggling with addiction.

[@aml8760]

Dont compare yourself. We are all on different journies

[@Mylife-g2z1g]

This was a very powerful and beneficial session for me. Thank you!!!

[@CarniBarbie]

My husband lies like this!! It is awful and is ruining our marriage! Also, the “chemistry” thing ruined my first marriage to a very healthy, wonderful man. Now I am in hell with a very damaged, broken man. I sought out chaos. I made the right person wrong and the wrong person right. I did it backwards. 😢 I moved out two days ago.

[@irenahabe2855]

This is TOP. This was my dylema as well. So: 12 steps + psychotherapy for trauma. ✅ Thank you 4 this vid. 💙

[@letgooftherope]

learned helplessness. I have been on alert since I was very young. 5ish.

[@melanieaxelrad4393]

Ingrid, this was helpful on so many levels!! I rewound minute 31-37 4x!! Talking about fawning and codependence and "I will abandon myself and what I need and what I think to try to take care of you because I need you to survive". Mind blown at the resonance. Thank you SO much. I reenacted my childhood abandonment trauma by marrying a grandiose narcissist who I chose to replace the Dad I never had. We are divorced 6 years, but I'm still in the cycle of abuse. Recently started going minimal contact with my exhusband who is my flagship qualifier in SLAA and who I coparent with. I have so much guilt in "leaving him" despite being divorced for years. Why?!

[@aml8760]

Because ita triggering something familiar in your childhood that you feel guilty about. Try and explore it through writing.

[@debtalan6255]

Oh wow this is so good. Stumbled on this: thank you, Ingrid 🙏🏻Lifelong Fawning and I’m so so good at rolling away from emotions that protect me, but are against someone I’m dependent on👍🏼

[@iw9338]

Thanks very much, very helpful and affirming. Learning to say mo to siblings and having a voice. Excellent 👍👍

[@bellaluce7088]

This was deep and helpful on so many levels. Thank you!

[@Eva-u2v7n]

Million thanks, dr Clayton, everything you say in this video is so helpful to me! :)

[@debtalan6255]

But also have found my Voice✨like you clearly, amazingly have.

[@ameliagentry4452]

Thank you so much.

[@SouLightness]

I am a domestic violence worker who was in a relationship with a passive aggressive neglectful covert narccissist😢😢😢.

[@BAfan2024-n5n]

@48:29 Good discussion

[@joannabrites9857]

I went to a fellow AA persons house, I put my bag down and they robbed my money. I called several for help they never called back. No one wanted to sponsor anyone and the ones that did just wanted to find if I was lesbian, after she found out I wasn’t interested I never heard from her again. I had really bad bad experiences.

[@janegreen5301]

Thank you for sharing your story. Jane

[@davidlanier2290]

29 here. Congratulations.

[@Dastardly_X]

🙏🏻 🌟 🙏

[@maria-gorettimillard6253]

👌😎

[@joannabrites9857]

The people in AA can be horrible and if you have to depend on other damaged people for help you’ll be in trouble. The program is good but I had horrible experiences with these people. I never went back. I wouldn’t recommend Naa or AA for help.

[@greatmeatball2978]

Now that is a good speech