Why Restricting Video Games As A Parent Is Actually Damaging

[@100timesinarow8]

I was told all through my teenage years that "you're addicted to video games" and "you couldn't even go a week without screens". I was gaslighted so much about my alleged "addictions", that I felt the need to "test" them. I went a full week without games, told my friends I couldn't play, and found other stuff to do, but was very bored. After an entire week, I hop on games for less than 30 minutes, then my mom comes into my room and says "why are you always on these games?? You're so addicted". My brother knew about this, and just looked at me blankly when she said this. It's not that my mom doesn't care, it's that she misinterprets the issues, and thinks a hobby is going to cause all the other issues (which I didn't really have, regardless).

[@Bearical]

If you read books for hours they don't care, but if you play games for hours they act like you're a drug addict.

[@repstyle8518]

My parents were the same. They at first limited me to hardly any time to Game, Then I and only I of My 4 other siblings i Lived with had to For several Hours iN the day after school write The alphabet in Cursive to "better My penmanship" instead of wasting my time on games. Now cursive isnt even taught in school and Many cant even read My writing cause its damn near permanent Cursive. later in Life due to all the "you cant go even a day without playing games" challenge even though i often did and just didnt interact with them much choosing to stay away from them in the comfort and safety of my room. i went days to weeks but it didnt phase me at all cause i wasnt a so called addict. i just looked for an escape from being blamed for everything wrong in the house.

[@onelooongboi5838]

That’s gas lighting? Well know I know

[@grindsauce3017]

I think you're lying. Your mother knows best, hence why she says you're addicted to games.

[@Bearical]

@@grindsauce3017 doubt it

[@mandyleigh1392]

I remember in 8th grade, I corrected my health teacher about what the function of the appendix was, because he said it was "completely useless" (anatomy and physiology has always been a special interest of mine) and he told me "if you think you can teach this lesson better than me, get up here and teach the class" so I called him on it and started drawing diagrams of an appendix and intestines on the board. He got really angry about that and started sabotaging my tests, erasing answers I put down and saying that I didn't answer the questions at all. My grade eventually dropped to a D+, and my parents grounded me for the entire rest of the year (9 months total) by not letting me talk on the phone, play games, use the internet or visit my best friend because of that. She was pretty much my only friend and I'm still extremely bitter about the entire ordeal. I remember them saying "only an idiot would fail HEALTH class, how could you manage that?" and that's always stuck with me. I tried to tell them he was treating me unfairly, but since my mom is a teacher she decided that teachers were incapable of doing bad things to their students and dismissed it as me lying or making excuses. I still don't like spending time around her.

[@cherrycoyote55]

I'll be honest. If I were you. I would outright have told my mom. "If you're too lazy to actually acknowledge your children's issues, when I leave, I'm gone. No text. No phone calls. No holidays. Don't expect anything. And you will have be the one to force me to make that decision for my mental health."

[@urlocal_grape]

@@cherrycoyote55 yea same tbh

[@jeannedarc7533]

Glad I can relate to someone, I fucking hate my parents man.

[@offbrandfiji6487]

Entirely made up story because you want to cry

[@anewagora]

What a disgusting story, that teacher was abusive for you being knowledgeable? And your parents sound like the kind I would not keep in my life. They just buried teacher abuse of a student because of their ignorance and cruelty. I would not tolerate that. And I was in an abusive house as a kid. I didn't tolerate it, got out at 17 and never looked back.

[@thnkng]

Honestly, I feel like the worst part of this was when the dad *explicitly states* that their son has always loved gaming, but still somehow decides that gaming is the cause of these *new* problems that have come up. If he's been playing games for years and the problems haven't arisen until now, then it's pretty fucking obvious that gaming *didn't* cause those issues.

[@xxraptorsc0pezxx]

Exactly!

[@prime_optimus]

@@xxraptorsc0pezxx Bot.

[@xxraptorsc0pezxx]

@@prime_optimus Not.

[@prime_optimus]

@@xxraptorsc0pezxx Then how much are you getting paid to advertise religion?

[@skaresimpyy7830]

And the dad knows that by taking away video games he's taking away the one thing his child loves doing

[@DrewPicklesTheDark]

I was a video game addict as a kid. When people would object and ask my mother why she allowed it, she replied "Better being addicted at home to the games than out and about getting addicted to booze and drugs." Pretty much everyone in my family had a booze and/or drug problem, so she felt pretty fortunate it was games in my case, which is kind of sad, but makes sense. I did get over the addiction eventually when it became impossible to be a completionist in games due to how game monetization shifted.

[@daanstrik4293]

Its strange to hear somebody get over their videogames addiction when the monetisation has become more and more vicious over the years (to the point that some european countries had to bad lootboxes and the like)

[@ZeroSleap]

Guess what i was a bit addicted to games, a lot less now cause of work taking time from it, but now I got the bonus of alcohol on top, i like abuse it a bit while gaming and i should really stop... Good luck to you all with your addictions, stay strong.

[@catfishrob1]

Kinda doubt it was due to monetization my friend... if you're poor you can get a lifetime worth of games for next to nothing on GOG if you are willing to go a few years back. Hard to say why just from this, but I would bet you just grew out of it, and found more satisfaction through developing other parts of your life? Maybe frustration with monetization was the trigger, but I doubt it's the root cause. If you were determined enough, you wouldn't let a silly thing like monetization keep you from your passion. For me personally, I know the way I have consumed games has changed a lot. When I was a kid I was a completionist because I didn't have many options for games and they were all shiny and new. Nowadays, if I don't get significant enjoyment from a game, I drop it faster than a hot potato, because I know there are other things I could be doing.

[@LEWIS1992]

Just don't play badly monetised games. Play single player games like Persona 5 etc that are FANTASTIC and require NO additional payments.

[@KillerOfTime323]

A'least video games don't massacre your liver.

[@jeremyc4811]

The worst nagging that my parents did: I would sit down at the piano and play/practice for 10-15 minutes. Then I get up to do something else and immediately hear "that wasn't 30 minutes, we agreed that you would practice for 30 minutes every day!" So guess what, instead of practicing 30 minutes each day, I practiced 0 minutes every day.

[@jaimebibelot4398]

sounds like you didn't agree, they just told you how long to play, no discussion and I'm guessing there wasn't any discussion on why you stopped either, just yelling and blaming

[@jeremyc4811]

@@jaimebibelot4398 in retrospect, there were a lot of times when I felt punished for doing the right thing. I didn't hate piano, but I did hate that just playing a few notes would remind my parents that I should practice and they'd nag me to finish a full 30 minutes. Plenty of times too when I would be moping in my room and then come down for dinner only to hear a gloating "well, well, so good of you to join us." I just hope that people learn to reward their kids for good behavior, instead of nagging or gloating when the kid starts to comply with your wishes.

[@Sammysapphira]

@@jeremyc4811 I hate gloating like that. Is a "Are you feeling better tonight?" or a "How are you feeling today?" too hard?

[@RvLeshrac]

@@Sammysapphira Parents should also learn when not to ask the question. Growing up, I'd probably have been more willing to answer it with more than a shrug if I hadn't been asked it constantly.

[@AustinTheDeathMetalUnicorn]

I never got the forcing music on your kids thing. I love doing music but it really shouldn't be forced, and if someone doesn't want to or doesn't like to do it then they shouldn't.

[@JarthenGreenmeadow]

"My son is depressed so we isolated him from his friends and it got worse. How do we exorcise this demon?"

[@StoutShako]

BASICALLY, YEAH.

[@ГонщикНелегальный-з1б]

Exorcise by giving everything back and admitting your mistakes

[@ShiroCh_ID]

@@ГонщикНелегальный-з1б and try to ask him thats how my parrents do

[@DeathnoteBB]

“My son needs a therapist so I threw out everything that gives him joy. Why is he not fixed?”

[@MVAS-mp9oo]

@@DeathnoteBB "fixed" LMAO, such a bitter truth that many parents thinks their child is not a human being.

[@UmatsuObossa]

Dude, your kid isn't a game addict, he's DEPRESSED, and your solution is to take away his comfort/coping mechanisms instead of deal with the fact that he's depressed. I wouldn't wanna do therapy either with someone who refused to talk to ME about my behavior and just took the word of my dad and tried to force me to admit that my coping mechanisms are the problem. This really hits home with me because I was severely depressed through childhood, and my dad also tried to blame it on "videogames", and to this day he blames all my health problems and migraines and other stress-related problems on how much sleep him IMAGINES i get or how much games he IMAGINES i play. He never cared to ask what was wrong, and even when I said I was depressed, he straight up told me i WASN'T, and told me I was lying to get out of chores. The only therapy my family EVER suggested was "anger management".

[@dannypatrick9361]

Maybe if the child were to do his schoolwork like hes told, he would get his games back. You seem to be under the impression the literal child has an authority.

[@kurosade3623]

😢😭

[@godfrey4461]

@@dannypatrick9361 People like you are the problem. Children may have a weaker judgement, but they should have a level of authority. Children are not just slaves or robots to be thrown around and told what to do. This guy is clearly depressed and using gaming as a way to cope. Taking that away and not addressing the core issue is negligent, ignorant, and flat out bad parenting. God forbid you have or have had children. By far the worst take I've seen today.

[@WatchMysh]

Truth has been spoken

[@bgmarshall]

@@dannypatrick9361 "oh, you're depressed? Well get over it and do your homework Jimmy I'm tired of hearing these excuses" -you to your child in 15 years Do you not know what depression is

[@aster1430]

I think it's possible that the bad sleep schedule may be caused in part by the antagonistic relationship between the child and the dad. I used to stay up late because that's when my parents weren't awake and I felt like I had more breathing room. (Also relate so much to the example about martial arts-I love my martial arts practice but when my mom tries to force me to go it feels like I'm losing control and I end up pushing back harder)

[@CiciChess]

I have the same but with chess. Man u have no idea how it feels to finally win a game after a few hours of hard work. Frankly it's the only thing that gives me fulfilment at this point

[@alexia3552]

I wish parents could experience life being stripped of power and agency like they do to their kids. And then when they go "okay, I get it, this isn't funny anymore," it doesn't stop. Because they have no power and agency here. How soon do you think they'd call the cops because they're being held hostage? How soon they'd cry "this is abuse!"? Also I 100% relate to staying up late to avoid my parents. My personality and interests were always satanic. Not good enough. Not welcome. I didn't like them and what they were about, didn't like their attitude, didn't like their creepy beliefs and pressuring ways. I wanted freedom. And I got that when they were unconscious.

[@Llortnerof]

Don't forget the circadian rhythm. Forcing a late sleeper to go to bed early and wake up early isn't going to help anybody.

[@pingeee]

@@alexia3552 seriously i dont understand why parents lack so much empathy and are unable to put themselves in their kids shoes, how would they feel being demonized for doing something they enjoy and then having that thing be taken away from them and never getting a say in any of it, i swear most of them are just narcissists that love to power trip and take their anger out on their kids

[@xoxablade8345]

Exactly! It LITERALLY feels SO relaxing to be awake when everyone else is asleep. I've never felt such peace before. I LOVE staying up late. I stayed up all night a few nights ago until I heard my brothers morning alarms go off. In my room of course, I'm not supposed to leave my room past bedtime unless for the bathroom or medicine (if sick).

[@MorganMindfulness]

That awkward moment when this kid is suddenly 25 and doesn't understand why he always has a bit of anxiety while gaming and realizes that he had just grown accustomed to always being at the risk of getting caught.

[@lysanthir7231]

Bro I've gotten my heart checked for this exact reason. It's psychosomatic like Dr. K said, the docs didn't find shit in my chest. The only moments I feel comfortable at home is when I know that no one will come bother me, I can breathe. That situation was years ago but my body learned to be jumpy like that, I still struggle working with it. Good to hear I am not the only one.

[@alexsfc]

This is spot on, the anxiety of getting caught ended up combining with my social anxiety and now I can't play online games like I used to so easily. Also my overall enjoyment of gaming isn't the same.

[@averagegymenjoyer]

Now that you all mention that. It’s funny, I’m a grown ass man and stuff from past still hunting me. I can only relax if I’m alone in my apartment without anyone monitoring or restricting me. Don’t know if you guys can relate.

[@lysanthir7231]

@@averagegymenjoyer absolutely. You're not alone.

[@zazethe6553]

absolutely, feeling guilty when gaming to much, because someone used to judge you for it. Not being able to enjoy what you love sucks.

[@oSamiSrzo]

"Being strict with your child doesn't stop unwanted behavior. It just makes them better at hiding it."

[@LunaHeartnet]

Strict parents make sneaky kids.

[@Kripahhhhh1402]

This is like "The more you know that your parent knowing your secret, the better you hiding it too". This also goes a same to me when I was sneaking and watch KZbin past a bedtime.

[@vindi167]

Yoo I got to give this comment it's 69th like (I have screenshot)

[@matthew_natividad]

Where there’s a will there’s a way

[@yellowlemonmothfreak]

70% agree, but this is not considering how they feel about their options in response to strict attitude. If you are strictly supposed to handle something a certain way and you feel capable of doing it you might instead strictly ignore the reason for doing things another way. For example if you strictly have to deal with boredom with homework you will ignore the fact that there's something homework isn't doing for you, and it may set you up for failure that way. If you can only deal with an issue a way you're not allowed to, then yes you have to be more commited to hiding it

[@Oatmilk345]

I remember my parents enforcing a “screen time” as a kid I just snuck time and found ways around it, this led to me being very secretive with my parents and didn’t help me stay off screens at all.

[@supersanttu7951]

Hello me It was the exact same, I managed to figure out their hiding places and just hiding that I figured them out.

[@deletedandabandonedaccount8149]

literally me lmao

[@literalfandomtrashnoseriou1992]

Oh hey I didn’t know I had a clone! :0

[@Xx_Oleander_xX]

I literally guessed the password to my parents safe and became a mostly good liar for this EXACT reason

[@sionteemo9697]

Yeah same.. Those times waking up at 3-5 am just to play games silently without them noticing......

[@superhappypenguin05]

My video game limit was a half hour every day. When i was young and only played Minecraft, this was fine with me. When i started playing more games and wanted more time to play, i asked my parents and they talked about it with me and increased my time limit. Im happy with my time limit now, and i know that i can always talk to my parents and they will be understanding. Thanks mum and dad for being supportive (:

[@winumoritribe8425]

the good ending

[@halinaqi2194]

Parents need to understand that kids need some sort if engagement they like, if they take away games, they can't be absent, they should be actively bonding during that time, even then, its better not to keep them away from their hobbies and passions, you should join them in theirs. If they like soccer play soccer with them. If they like boardgames, play boardgames with them, if they like a certain TV show, keep an open mind and watch with them. If they like games play with them. Parents I think too often only want their child to end up the way they envision them, when kids are their own people. Some parents don't want their kids to play games but their kids do, restricting them from it isn't going to make them better, it'll just make them do it in secrecy. I don't think some parents actually care about life but appearances. They want their kids to appear a certain way, in front of them or others, they even admit they can't control them 24 7 so they should know its futile. Of all things taught in school, I'm surprised, parenting classes aren't required.

[@alexprus7953]

Honestly setting a reasonable limit is so much better than a hard ban.

[@CiciChess]

My dad legit loves gaming so that's nice, but I need to do a shit ton of stuff to do video games and I've gotten extreme nausea 2 times both I went to the toilet and hung out for a few minutes in case I vomited. It was fine but I'm scared that will happen more often

[@mrsmorris265]

I only take away the video games when my son starts neglecting reality (ie disassociation); because after doing it myself as a teen and young adult; I learned there are better ways to cope when life is overwhelming than just tuning it out for hours on end. And we teach him these skills. A few hours of gaming is fine, but if you skip meals for the game, its not going to end well. Especially when you're the one who's supposed to cook.

[@JackChappleShow]

To be honest, this sounds like me when I was in Grade 9. Except my parents gave me 100% freedom and never took anything away. My 'bare minimum' at school was still the honor roll, but I didn't do homework or study at all. I slept horrible hours, didn't have a social life that I liked, played halo 3 / reach until 2am, went to school late almost everyday, was sick a lot, and had anorexia/bulimia (6'3, 127 lbs). I don't know if there's anything my parents could've done, because I wasn't even quite sure what the problem was at the time. But as it turns out, I just hated my social life and how my body looked. As soon as the summer came around, my dad had a stroke that left him fully paralyzed, and that kind of 'jolted' me to wake up and not waste my life... try new things, change, improve, learn, because you never know when that can all be taken away. I started eating more, working out for the first time, played games with friends, and by grade 10 I had put on about 30 pounds and was in great shape. I was way more confident and started playing games less. I never put in effort into school even afterwards, but life was much better. And the moral of this, is that the video games were not the problem for me. They were a symptom.

[@ethanspicer3471]

I had the same revelation except it was grade 10 and my parents were threatening divorce and my mom had choked me in anger after seeing me fail most of my courses the sophomore fall semester

[@OkamiPrincess15]

@@ethanspicer3471 Good grief! Please tell me your mom had a wake up call due to that and went to therapy for her anger management issues at the very least! Or that you stayed with your dad after that!

[@tamiwu0346]

@@ethanspicer3471 Literal child abuse. Hope you got that resolved and are living your best life.

[@BooksToAshes]

Both my brothers dropped out of school and just game all day. Nothing else. That's what they've been doing their entire lives and both are in their 20's. They haven't ever had a job, they have to ask my family to pay hundreds of dollars for their games and consoles. I honestly feel like sometimes it's an addiction, and there needs to be something to intervene. Nothing huge even happened in their lives they were just lazy and didn't want to do schoolwork and would rather game. Edit: Nothing big happened in their lives to start this. They've been gaming since they were 8 years old or younger. My parents don't stop them. They sleep during the day and game all hours of the night. They have TOO much freedom honestly. Don't do chores or anything, just play video games. I'm a gamer myself but play at a healthy level (a few hours a week). I think it can be a huge problem for some people and they won't change it because they're too comfortable to. I'm glad that you managed to turn your life around and hope others in your situation can too.

[@limbytes]

I had a similar problem/story, with an abusive father and hardcore depression/anxiety, but the video games was actually my way to cope and keep me sane from the constant struggle in my social life. Without video games for me, I would’ve been dead by 17. Without staying up late at night keeping myself occupied or actually talking to people I met online playing halo that actually listened to my problems, I would’ve done something stupid that night. Feeling like I was actually in control of something loading up the sims or firing up RuneScape to grind away on coin. Video games taught me how to manage my emotions, process, and learn to play in real life.

[@konradschulz7567]

Its sad that "build an allience with your kid" actually needs to be said. How is it not normal. How are parents so stupid.

[@exynth1a215]

parents before them, it was sadly the norm because they "turned out well enough" humanity in general is stupid and shortsighted a lot, and although it has its moments it is generally hard to be even an ok person because of billions of reasons, and with this world being so varied it's so hard to resolve all these problems

[@DeathnoteBB]

Because parents think “being their friend” spoils the kid somehow… They don’t realize a good friend isn’t just a constant enabler, a good friend sets boundaries and limits.

[@malcanth3481]

Because the parent doesn't see the solution as a collaborative effort. The parent "knows" the problem and they "know" how to fix it. Why ask the kid's input if they already know how to solve the problem? All the parent has left to do is force the kid to implement their solution. The parent never even considers that they might be wrong. And they can't even comprehend that they might be the problem or they might be making things worse.

[@gleipnirrr]

as a parent that tries to be self aware, it's a combination of being extremely tired from working and raising that kid, combined with wanting a quick solution to things. idiot parents love scapegoats, because it requires no actual work to get to know the kid, their issues and what they need. that would be work and they sure as fuck dont want to work more.

[@Bluesonofman]

I try to treat kids like tiny adults. I physicaly can not do baby talk and talk down to kids. I have to talk to them like I would talk to anyone else.

[@isotera_]

This is a very familiar situation. The terms "screen time", "privilege" and "manipulation" are super super memorable lol.

[@prettygoodpootis5133]

Oh this hits home to me too.

[@Bearical]

The funny part is that my English is very good thanks to videogames, Minecraft to be exact. And English is my third language lol.

[@Tensa6251]

Yessir

[@frokydafroakie]

@@Bearical same but with final fantasy and its my second language

[@Oatmilk345]

@@Bearical I also made many friends because of Minecraft being something we could bond over

[@DiscoTimelordASD]

For some parents it's about power, winning or just being right. Some magically expect their kids to just "act like adults" - like they should just know this automatically some how. The ignorance I've seen is astounding.

[@xoxablade8345]

Something I heard a therapist talk about in relation to Narcs is "the Narc sees a child as a selfish adult." I will never forget that. And it's so true.

[@BingusLover45]

My dad treats me like a child but expects me to act like an adult lol

[@ryantherabbid7832]

⁠​⁠@@BingusLover45 My parents treat me as that as well, while expecting me to act like an adult

[@BingusLover45]

@@ryantherabbid7832 at least you know you're not the only one going through it

[@Personwtcats]

This made me remember a quote I saw “The problem with being a teen is everyone treats you like a kid and expects you to act like an adult.”

[@kingwarp2516]

sometimes i want to grab parents by the shoulders and tell them "your childs symptoms still exist even if its inconvenient for you"

[@fortello7219]

"It's a game you're not going to win." Very potent words. That was basically what I experienced at 13ish. I realized my parents weren't going to engage with me. They had a totalitarian rule over the house. There was never any ground to be made. They would lie, falsely offer rewards or exceptions, and do lots of things to try and control me. But when I realized at that really age that they only wanted to be pleased, I realized I had no power but to strike. So that's what I did. I did enough work to graduate, to stay healthy, to set myself up for after I moved away. But that was for my own sake. Everything else was just enough to keep the belt at bay. Any "goals" of "rewards" were never met. I never, for nearly 9 years, did anything to satisfy them. Because I had already been too burned. I was never going to stick my hand in the fire again.

[@lordbanetheplayer8844]

I realized a while ago that my dad's parents are very controlling. When I don't do anyihmg they agree with, even listening to music I like, (mostly electronic) they always say 'no' and 'this music suck' and such, and My grandpa asked last year I look up gaming addiction, 'cause i played games every Day. Maybe it has something to do With the fact that I finally had time?

[@thebruteforce125]

Yeah i had this same story happen to me with my mom, and she would be mean self-destructive. Taking me to a doctor to tell me my issues and give me meds that helps me wake up good and go to sleep fast. Yet it doesnt help me with my relationship with my mom, as she has been yelling at me more times that i can count, and having problems at school made all of this way worse. I had to graduate from highschool and tell my mom that im living with my dad as that makes me happy. And i been living a life of peace ever since.

[@lordbanetheplayer8844]

@@thebruteforce125 I'm glad you're outta there. How are you now? I know problems don't go away immediately...

[@thebruteforce125]

@@lordbanetheplayer8844 doing good, having my own peace and enjoyment away from my mom. Yet she tries to add me in her life after all she has done. Taking me to church and getting me dinner.

[@tassiodrigues]

You are wise.

[@BenjaminRodriguezReyes]

"Restrain instead of restriction" is so important because the parent's influence and control will only decrease over time. You have to help your kid develop the ability to regulate themselves because you can't possibly do it for them forever.

[@lordbanetheplayer8844]

Teach your children responsibility, and that the lack of responsibility has real world consequenses, not just household consequenses. Is also very good.

[@maureenlaneski2802]

Parenting is hard. My son is 7. Doing it right is exhausting. I am a tutor as well. I had a 7th grader who was so sweet, so sociable. He used video games to interact with friends and cousins. Then he took his tablet to school and got grounded from it. His grades went up, but his demeanor was heartbreaking to see. He was the youngest of three children of immigrants. He was doing well to earn his stuff back, I think. IDK...he really did need to improve academically, but the cost seemed so high. I missed his smile. He just stopped smiling. I felt like a torturer or the instrument of punishment.

[@N3Selina]

this hurts me. it's awful when parents do the same their parents did to them. they seem to forget what it's like being a child

[@whatthe9078]

And then they pull the “I was also your age, I know what’s best”

[@sxuuxp]

Kids are actually one of the most talkative and open kind of people but because they’re kids and their opinions aren’t as valued, they are ignored instead of being listened to. Parents need to understand that at that age, they need to be more loose and guide them instead of forcefully shoving them in a direction. In high school I was heavy gamer.Freshman and sophomore year I was overweight 5’8 180 and no muscle bc growing up I had no opportunity to go do sports or anything. I came home did homework and played games after and repeated. High school came and I still played games, still got good grades, but I noticed my physique and ended up wanting to change. Usually games aren’t the problem themselves…. It’s the situation they’re in and gaming is their coping mechanism until something changes and which it’s possible. That summer I lose 40 something lbs and put on some more muscle that summer, played football, did track, played basketball, and guess what? I still play my fucking video games lol and I still get my shit DONE. Games are rarely the reason for failure. Games are just seen in a negative light.

[@josephcoon5809]

Absolutely not. I’m thankful I learned discipline as a child despite hating it as I grew up. Too many kids today resort to whining and protesting INSTEAD of solving problems themselves.

[@zachrobinson8357]

I feel like I’m the only one in this sea of people who had parents like this, and I can say fervently that the other option - talking to the kid - works wonders. I was diagnosed with ADHD two weeks before my freshman year of high school, and my parents tried to help me. They talked to me. The pandemic hit halfway through the school year, and my parents correctly figured out that video games were the only way for me to interact with my friends. How? By asking me. They let me talk to friends. The pandemic still hit me hard as hell, being recently diagnosed with ADHD with nothing figured out. I didn’t know what ADHD was, so when I talked to them, they told me and helped me figure things out. Now, two years later, I can successfully do stuff that everyone else can like read a textbook. I’ve mostly got through that dark time of my life where I almost failed every class due to missing homework. That’s another thing: they let me fail. They actually let me fail hard. I got Cs and Bs, I had mountains of homework, etc. eventually, I got tired of having bad grades. My motivation was back, but this time it was from within. They stopped reminding me when I told them not to. Because they didn’t need to. It wasn’t easy. It’s still ongoing. But, as a Junior in high school, I’m back on the right track. Thanks Mom and Dad for actually being there for me.

[@fattimaali3158]

I'm so happy for you💖I really wish all parents were like this.

[@musicshinx]

I am kind of in the same situation, but even after I've been diagnosed with ADHD, Autism, and more, my parents still make stupid excuses for why video games are ruining my life, and when I try to use facts on how video games are the only thing I enjoy and understand in life, they just disregard it as an excuse, and take them away. I am glad that you got the good ending of parents.

[@dragonballgacha]

on hi Danny Devito

[@sanecatlady]

That's really amazing and I want to be this kind of parent to my kid one day 🥰❤️

[@greenberrygk]

I also have parents like this, and I feel so left out when everyone has parent issues. Thank you to my parents for always being there for me.

[@jokesterrzerotheclown3199]

“The son has a headache that never went away” The headache is the father, obviously

[@nitroneonicman]

Literally millenials: I have never done anything wrong, everything wrong was done to me.

[@jokesterrzerotheclown3199]

@@nitroneonicman to be fair, age really doesn’t matter in terms of doing wrong things, everyone makes mistakes and screw ups regardless of age And to be fair maybe there are times of where the parents might be in the right but the father ain’t doing the best job here

[@cantthinkofaname5046]

@@nitroneonicman we are talking about bad parents, they can be from ANY generation. Most of the kid that are the subjects in this Reddit are gen Z anyway

[@nitroneonicman]

@@cantthinkofaname5046 The premise that restricting video games is a byproduct is bad parenting is directly correlated to a) millenial mentality (since we are the first generation to grow up playing video games) and b) victim mentality.

[@cantthinkofaname5046]

@@nitroneonicman first, it’s not really victim mentality if it can be backed up by evidence. Secondly, gen Z is here too. Calling out bad parenting is progress, not a victim mentality

[@eyesofthecervino3366]

The thing about the nagging, too, is sometime you're just tired and need a bit of a break to collect yourself. Bugging someone every few minutes about something they already know they need to do can in some cases be like waking someone up every few minutes, all night long, and then calling them lazy when they're too tired to get out of bed. It can actually unintentionally sabotage someone.

[@twotruckslyrics]

please, please this. genuinely i love doing little things like taking out the trash, putting boxes in the recycling outside, and unloading the dishwasher (music helpsss.) but when i get reminded of it a bunch i literally stop wanting to do it !! 😔

[@twotruckslyrics]

offtopic THERES A JELLYFISH EMOJI 🪼 AAHAJSHAKH I LOVE IT

[@Mikinaak2023]

​@@twotruckslyricsyes, it's annoying but you could of just done it and got it over it.

[@twotruckslyrics]

@@Mikinaak2023 since my old comment ive found out im autistic 🤷its annoying so i dont do it for a bit but then i forget and its a cycle

[@UndefinedFantasticCat]

@@Mikinaak2023 suppose you came after a 12h shift, tired af, fell on the bed asleep within 5 minutes of coming home, couldn't do anything at all. Now every 10 minutes someone wakes you up and reminds you of all the stuff you need to do right now. But you do not have strength to do it since your body yearns for sleep. Now calculate how many times that will happen throughout even a 6h sleep. 36. I'd be mad at them after like 8th or so.

[@theplagueddoctor3686]

Gonna be real when parents want you to “admit the problem” all that really means is they want you to admit what ^they^ think is the problem .

[@RichConnerGMN]

nice pfp very good flag same here

[@greatwavefan397]

EXACTLY

[@creaturedanaaaaa]

fr fr, I was missing school over just general social anxiety and depression from dysphoria, parents took my phone, games, internet access, etc away, I ended up just shutting down and sleeping for the entire day at home and still missing school.

[@JasonJia11]

Sighs what I got most of the time from my parents were lectures.. Sometimes they lasted up to like 2 hours. Even after finding out I had ADHD, still got lectured. They wanted to help, aka pay for a psychiatrist and medication, and then for some reason they used that as ammo against me for why I'm not getting better? Like I just found out I had ADHD after 20+ years of my life and you're already expecting me to get better and then get mad when I don't. Like where's the emotional support? The empathy? Even now I feel like I can't talk to my parents about how I really feel.. They're not abusive. But they're also not supportive in the way I want them to be. And it's so hard to talk to them about things like this..

[@ayoo_wassup]

They want to win. That's it. They feel like they're being disrespected if they don't get their way. Like Dr k said. "oh YoU CanY buLlY mE" Parent always confuse obedience with respect.

[@z0mborg8]

"I tried punishment, it didn't help! What should I try next? I know: more punishment!" Reminds me of my experience growing up, particularly in high school, I was extremely depressed, struggling with school, my stepdad's solution was to ground me from all video games and computer for the entire duration of every school year. Literally, however many months that adds up to be - no video games, no computer, nothing. I did the same as this kid - played on school computers or at friends' houses, sneaked my sister's gameboy - my parents tried taking me to a therapist exactly once, and specifically wanted it to be a therapist who would "be hard on me" so wasn't someone I felt comfortable talking to at all, big surprise that didn't last long and nothing improved. Years later as an adult I was diagnosed with ADHD. After a certain point you'd think there would be a realization that "what I'm doing now isn't helping, I need to try something else instead of intensifying the same thing" - and parents need to see their kids as people who are struggling with problems, not the kids AS problems to be solved.

[@taylornicole8139]

This 😔

[@micahbrimhall584]

Thank you I have depression and have played video games that did not stop for years, I finally realized why when I got diagnosed with ADHD. I needed the video games to spike my dopamine to normal levels so I wouldn't feel as crappy.

[@Hiveatel]

We should have like a standardized test for people who want to be adults to ensure they actually know wtf they're doing.

[@rusi6219]

It's because most parents are lazy

[@hayuseen6683]

@@rusi6219 Not just lazy, many don't have time, energy, or the practice at being aware and considerate, sometimes they're underequipped to even communicate properly because they too were treated like this... Many don't see kids as people who are growing, they're something to be molded into an extension of parents' will.

[@hungrymusicwolf]

The realization that your kid is his own human being and not an extension you can make do whatever you want is something that every parent needs, preferably before they get a kid. Though I suppose I'll have to see if I learned that lesson myself when I do get one.

[@pussnuts]

Parent here. The problem is kids are really fucking stupid. I don't mean that in an insulting way, I mean it as a matter of fact. They know very little about the world and at the same time have a massive sense that they know more than anyone else. The other day, it was a school morning and my kids were getting ready as they usually do. The younger one (7 yo) was getting spun up crying and frustrated on the floor. I asked what the problem was? She tells me shes going to have a bad day. I ask why will you have a bad day? "Because my shoes don't fit!" I can see that she picked a pair of shoes that we bought just last week and in fact fit perfectly but they are also the ones with shoe ties and not velcro. She can tie her shoes but its a challenge and today she forgot. So I offer to help her and she says to me "You can't help me! The shoes don't fit!" So, Imagine dealing with this kind of person for year after year. It's easy to develop a sense of superiority to your children because you are indeed superior to them. I think the challenge is that over time your kid grows and as a parent you have to have a strategy to slowly unwind that sense. It's not easy though and its not a sudden realization either.

[@furiousdestroyah9999]

@@pussnuts Yeah you're right. It seems like it comes down to parents needing to recognize and accept their children's maturity instead of just micromanaging them forever

[@christoffer5875]

@@pussnuts Word! And many parents wont ever be able to unwind that sense completely, even if they know they should. Nice awareness tho always great to read about thoughtful parents

[@mynamehood8353]

@@pussnuts I mean, they are inexperienced, not stupid. That's why we should guide them with questions. If you actually ask them questions and help them figure it out themselves you'll see that they're probably not that stupid at all.

[@theGrabix]

@@pussnuts Dr. K said that problems of kids were easier so parenting was easier in the past. But maybe that worked because people didn't go to school. Think, in the past you would probably just working with your children so you could observe how much progress they do in the job that you yourself where good at doing. Eventually you would see that they are almost as good as you, and you would trust them more. Eventually they would be as good as you or better and then you KNOW that they don't need supervision. And be aureola effect maybe you would think about them that way in other areas. But now they go to school and you don't see the progress that they make. Only grades ... and they don't change... Like: B+ in 1st grade doesn't look different than B+ in 8th grade even though it is harder to get it. In fact the grades probably gets worst over time. So anyway, probably the only way to protect yourself from that is to somehow do something together with your child... which ... will be harder when they will become teenagers :/

[@reaganharder1480]

From my memories of being a teenager and my dealings with teenagers as a young adult, I have two significant philosophies regarding teenagers. 1) Teenagers are almost adults and should be treated as such. They deserve respect, they are capable of reasoning, and they feel like they're pretty smart. 2) A teen who wants their independence will get their independence,. The question is whether they do it with your help, in open defiance, or behind your back.

[@101jir]

The tricky thing about being a teenager is that your rational faculties are pretty well matured and your sense of right and wrong, but they find it more difficult to inhibit behavior for neurological reasons and they are also just barely beginning to gain personal experience in adult matters (though they've probably learned about it online for some time, which is a mixed bag). In a sense, this makes adolescence the most dramatic/epic years, in that it takes a lot less to throw them off. What an adult can shrug off without hardly a thought will hit a teen hard. This I think is one of the biggest reasons for adolescent rebellion: they get talked down to for not agreeing with adults and/or not being able to resist impulses that adults genuinely think shouldn't be hard to resist.

[@BingusLover45]

I want independence but I'm so tired of fighting for it. I've honestly given up on it

[@youtubeshadowbannedme]

Yeah but to play devil's advocate, the human brain doesn't fully mature until one is in their early to mid 20s (some neurologists claim late 20s or even early 30s, but that's just absurd)

[@reaganharder1480]

@@youtubeshadowbannedme to be completely honest, I think the significance of a fully matured brain is a bit over-rated. Obviously it does matter to treat young people in a developmentally appropriate way, but remembering my teen years, as well as interacting with teens now as a 25 year old (and thus theoretically fully matured brain), their ability to reason and make decisions based on that is pretty good. They lack life experience to inform their reasoning, and likely order their priorities a bit different than adults would, but that's where a good trusting relationship with parents comes in, so it can be explained to them WHY a decision may be a bad one. Though perhaps my experience with teens is a bit skewed since I've mostly dealt with kids from fairly stable families.

[@BingusLover45]

@@youtubeshadowbannedme right but you need to practice being an adult before you actually become one. You won't get anywhere being babied

[@AaronAlso]

I was raised in this strict "fixing you with a side of punishment" household my whole life and it really fucked me up socially. I now have a daughter (7yo) that I strictly refuse to take that same approach with. I make every effort to talk with her, understand her feelings and encourage or support as appropriate. My family still judges me and claims I am giving her what she wants or being to easy on her. I just tell them they were never the best example of parenting and their opinions are not welcome.

[@ku5760]

Your doing the right thing please don’t stop your parents clearly haven’t learned anything

[@amber-xh4gv]

HA that response is perfect. their parenting was NOT a good example and you are doing an amazing job

[@greatgyatso5429]

Their parenting was a good example of what not to do

[@aduhm1520]

good job on breaking that cycle!! you’re doing great :)

[@michaelakc]

(A very late comment) Keep breaking the cycle! You are doing right by your family ❤

[@SaraSpalding]

Rare undercurrent of actual anger from Dr.K running through this one and I'm here for it.

[@mcglubski]

Its Shaun Spalding!

[@bowenandarrow]

Yeah, first time I've heard it like this.

[@dannypatrick9361]

Hes angry because this parent isnt letting go of his child, as progressives usually want so they can indoctrinate and molest them without fear of parental reprisal.

[@gooddogreallygooddog6157]

@@dannypatrick9361 ?

[@SaraSpalding]

@@dannypatrick9361 lmao ok bud

[@BladetheFox141]

My father actually sold everything game related whenever i didn't do well in school. He would also always say some religious BS saying games are evil, which is weird because he's the one who introduced me to gaming in the first place. I got out of that household 3-4 years later. But because of my upbringing in the long run, i don't enjoy gaming as much as i want to. I had a passion for gaming, and I want to stream as a career, but I spend most of my time at work. Purposely. To temporarily forget these memories. I've been taught all my life that if you're not working you're lazy. I have a twicth channel, but i rarely post, mainly cause I'm always depressed. Nowadays I look at my webcam and think "I should just throw this away. Along with my games." I'm not sure what to do by this point, but I understand this video to the fullest. If you've read this far, thanks for reading this mini rant. I just had to get this off my chest for once.

[@shaylynn926]

Don't do that. Don't tarnish your stuff you spent money on because of your dad. Screw him. Screw his rules. You do what you want. Don't waste money on the stuff you earned yourself. Please, start out with a tiny stream. Maybe minecraft or something that won't get spoiled for you. Maybe you could get some steam games, like tf2, raft, void train. You can do what you like. But please, don't feel like you should throw everything you spent your money on away. I don't know how much your setup cost, but if it's over 500, then no, it's not a great idea to scrap or sell it. There's no guarantee you'll get anything back if you sell, and most places don't use electronic scrap anymore. You do what you want to, what you're comfortable with. Start out small as a test. If it's not for you, then, well..just know you shouldn't give up.

[@MagnusArchae]

My bro, this soubds like something you go to therapy for. Not being able to enjoy something you know you like sounds like some sorta mental block

[@parafuegosarchive]

If someone can make you don't enjoy games someone can make you enjoy them again, therapy

[@BoydTheMilkmanX]

One day, you will be dead. Everyone you know will be dead. Everyone they know will be dead. We have, apparently, already passed the halfway point of our species life expectancy which is a blip on the cosmic scale, so chasing things like fame, etc, and worrying about things like "how I got my money" and "how I lived my life" really don't matter as long as you can live with yourself. Find your happiness however you can and don't worry about what other peoples expectations tell you about being happy. One day, they'll all be dead and so will you, and even the records of us, and the most famous folks of all time will inevitably vanish as our entire species ceases to exist.

[@lordbanetheplayer8844]

What's your Twitch Channel name? I''m always interested in finding new streamers!

[@8bitkitty222]

honestly the story at the start hit me hard. i was exactly that kid... but it wasn't because i was "lazy" or "addicted to videogames". i had undiagnosed autism and severe adhd on top of anxiety and ptsd. i literally *physically* could not make myself fall asleep at night thanks to the adhd and anxiety, and even when i slept, i got woken up by horrific nightmares because of the ptsd. i couldn't focus on my schoolwork because of the adhd. anxiety and autism made being in a school environment incredibly stressful - i was a lonely and isolated kid. videogames were an escape and actually provided me with the stimulation i needed to focus, and helped me make friends. i am now in a much better place - medication, therapy, all that good stuff. but my mom's response was punishment, not getting me help/understanding.

[@earth88_]

I always heard that I was lazy or addicted to video games, and I believed them. I had undiagnosed depression :p thankfully they aren't asses and they understand now

[@drdesten]

Well I mean they did offer him therapy... but he refused.

[@alexia3552]

They tell us "oh go do an activity! go interact with people!" and then we do that, and they go "no not like that"

[@minecrafter3448]

What was the trauma?

[@pingeee]

@@drdesten would you go to therapy if they told you "admit that your in the wrong and then you decide what punishment you deserve for being a bad person!" who in their right mind would fucking go to therapy

[@SuperStokeed]

OH GOD my mom is a "fixer", this hits home for me. She kicked me out of the house because she couldn't handle my depression & didn't communicate with me.

[@igorthelight]

Try to find someone who understands you. Sadly, parents are not always those people, so you should find someone else (as sad as it's sounds) You may even post your thoughts here: some people would joke around (ignore them) but others would try to help you ;-)

[@teresedaigle7336]

Dude, if you can't handle your kid's depression you find them help with someone who can help them manage their depression and teach you how to help them manage it. The choices some parents make are insane, I hope you're in a better place now.

[@AshenDemon]

She kicked you out for being depressed? That's terrible.

[@Regarel]

I had foster parents that just took away everything repeatedly. It was almost entirely over school grades. I spent so much of my life after 12 with just nothing. There were times when the "grounding" was so severe that I only ate PB&J for months and all that was in my room was next day's clothes and bedding. I lost complete interest in earning anything back, and everything I earned I understood was just another thing I could lose. Every once in a while they'd be like "Okay, let's reset, maybe you just need a taste of what you lost" and I'd have a videogame for a week. Now I'm an adult and I know now that I'm autistic, have ADHD, with type 2 bipolar depression.

[@specimenx4139]

Holy fuck I've seen drill sergeants kinder than what you've just described

[@cdru515]

@@specimenx4139 A drill sergeant has to know when to not push too hard, after all

[@stagger9660]

Yeah pretty much the same for me. They just took and took from me until i had nothing. Eventually i stopped caring. Couldn't see friends, Couldn't keep myself entertained and Couldn't grow up and mature in life. Everything sucked. Left when i turned 18 and never looked back.

[@DeathnoteBB]

Jesus that’s neglect and abuse. My parents hounded me over school and I had multiple breakdowns- damn I was gonna say “At least they didn’t take my stuff” but my parents weren’t super helpful either

[@Ockerlord]

this sounds like it meets the criteria of torture.

[@PatrickOchoa8a]

I remember my parents would "help" me with essays and school projects by looking over my shoulder and making sure I did everything right and occasionally doing things for me so I didn't mess it up. I grew up feeling like I couldn't do anything right and if anything goes wrong I can just wait for someone else to fix it. And if they said anything like "if you get this bad grade we will take away your phone" I reacted with more of a "guess I'm losing my phone" rather than "better not get that bad grade "

[@primereaper]

When I was writing essays for boarding schools, my family(especially my brother) would constantly either overestimate my abilities, or say that everything I've written is trash, and how I'm "not putting enough effort into it." They ended up locking screentime behind the essays, and for a few weeks, I looked forward to anytime I wasn't with my family. I had to adjust to getting screen time more than halved even after submitting essays.

[@davidpowers9178]

I let my dad read this comment. He said in his day you wouldn't have gotten one bad grade. Said he failed a test his daddy told him not to and got a horse whip used on him. Needless to say he never failed another test or really anything.

[@harperthegoblin]

Well that's relatable. As a kid if my parents ever threatened to take away my computers or prevent me from going to d&d that week (my two main ways I coped with depression) I just thought oh well, and changed nothing.

[@dziugast7454]

For me It wasnt my parents helping with anything. They just let me do what i want unless i get a bad grade. this might sound really good BUT because my parents work at banks they and because im the middle child the "They just let me do what i want unless i get a bad grade" part sounded like they wont pay attention to me unless i get a bad grade .And i think you can see how that can go wrong. That was the FIRST problem that wasnt fixed just became less of a problem (i still am loud and weird just to get attention). Onto to the second problem. because i was "Gifted", in the early years of school i just passed time not learning how to learn just doing everything because it was so easy that i didnt need to learn. This became a problem in 7 grade because things started to get difficult and i had the studying capabilities of a 4th grader. The problem became even bigger because i felt like trash (the same feeling you get when youre the best at something from your group for a couple of years and then suddenly you start failing hard going from a top dog to a average in a matter of months)and parents had a "Video game bad" mentality. And since before 7 grade everything was so boring video games were the only thing keeping me intact and not going into a full depression. So parents took away video games so my grades fell even lower and lower until they realized that video games werent a cause for the falling grades but my mental health and the constant need for attention that was only suppressed by video games. Very glad that they actually helped. Im currently in 12th grade and doing fine.

[@daft1839]

Related to this a FUCK ton

[@jackietf2]

This entire video hits so close I used to be the exact same child you kept talking about in this video, my parents would always nag me every hour of the day about studying to the point I have gotten sick of it and going into the mindset where I was thinking "They don't care about me, all they want of me is to study even if I was on my death bed", which resulted in me trying to push my parents as away as possible, I didn't care if I needed their help because if I asked for help I would just admit defeat, and whenever they'd try to restrict something, I would just have another thing/console to do what would get me away from studying And they always acted so confused towards me whenever I tell them that I feel suffocated, but they would always antagonize me of being too "sensitive" or "Not being a man" which would make me get away from them more and try to get them out of my life, even if it meant ending it Right now I am better, but those times are a nightmare, and I would GLADLY, not do the same thing to my kids, I don't want them to go through all of that

[@ilikedragons6710]

Same thing I’m going through rn, I honestly dont know what to do, and they don’t think gaming is a real sport (I’m on the esports team for my school district) and they don’t care, they want me to Study until my eyes fall out, they want me to never have an opinion or share any constructive criticism of their ways, they’re so controlling. I have to deal with this while my biological father is trying to force manipulate me into forgiving him for for pushing me around, ruining my confidence, PHYSICALLY, pushing me into walls and down talking me, and PHYSICALLY hitting me thinking it’s a joke but it seriously hurts even though I tell him to stop. And after all of this I can’t just play a damn video game when I want to. I’m 15 btw

[@HyperNova808]

I want to try to help you but i’ve never tried any of what I am about to say so please don’t think these are flawless ideas, they might even have harmful side effects or something I really don’t know Some ideas could be: Trying to convince your parents to get you therapy (I’m currently in one and it’s definitely helped me out especially with finally getting out all of what had been building up over the years) Showing them this video (though it also sounds risky because I don’t know how rational your parents are…) Calling a support line like childline for example or whatever is locally available (though this does need a phone, if desperate maybe try to use your parents phone or something) Once again these are just ideas and please make sure to try to be safe i’m not really experienced with helping people out with this kind of stuff.

[@ilikedragons6710]

@@HyperNova808 Thanks I'll definitely try these out one day, but when it comes to games they aren't very rational about them

[@Aaa-vp6ug]

They don’t exactly sound like they even parented you. This sounds like my life with some small twists…

[@Krispyy606]

​@@ilikedragons6710 I'm older, and I had no idea that schools had eSports teams now! What games do you guys compete in?

[@hawwwkx]

I can whole heartily agree that games and internet was and still is my copium, i feel like it helped me avoiding depression. I think parents need to go through some kind of class (like with a driver license) so they would know what's beneficial and whats damaging, what to do and what not to do. It's like the saying: Every child deserves parents, but not every parent deserves a child.

[@thomas.thomas]

Huh interesting to hear, how exactly has escapism and playing video games helped to not get depressed?

[@zachg3908]

I get your point about a parenting class but if you look at some of the parenting books of the past, that would be scary. In the last 100 years parenting styles have changed many times. Then think about how quickly schools have adapted to the internet (they haven't) and I think it would be more harm than good. Good idea, but it dies in practice. Instead, recommend channels like this. If Dr. K and a couple others made a "new parent playlist" I could get behind that.

[@ezkm1m1x]

@@thomas.thomas I can't speak on behalf of the OP but I can speak on my own experiences, I hope that's okay! I've always been more of an introverted person with really bad social anxiety and depression. Talking to people, even in a voice chat online, is extremely exhausting. I don't really have many friends and feel lonely as a result very often. Video games are one way I cope with these issues. It's not foolproof, of course. Sometimes I get far too depressed to even pick up my phone or a controller, or maybe I can't do that due to circumstances (ie. need to save battery, not a good time socially, or the tv is being used). However, when I'm focused on a game, usually I can distance myself from the problems in reality. Instead of my brain overthinking how I could have handled a situation 10 months ago that I literally cannot change now, it instead becomes "How can I improve my score" or "How do I handle that one tricky part, let's try it again". It's a distraction. And sometimes that distraction can carry on for longer than the game time lasts. If a particularly memorable moment happened, I'll think about that instead of how it's been a while since a person's talked to me. It gets my mind to finally stop thinking about things I cannot control and focus on what I can. I hope this helps you understand a little! Apologies if this is a little long!

[@heg_egg]

@@zachg3908 psychology is a relatively new field when we compare it to any other sciences and you’re totally right to bring up this point. Only recently has psychology had strict empirical rules. A lot of the theories on parenthood we used were based off unethical and poorly designed studies that were so widely accepted that no one bothered to check them. Psychology has definitely come a really long way since it first started but I think the reason we should have a “parent permit” is simply because we haven’t been able to test the longevity of the most current parenting recommendations.

[@devinkipp4344]

@@ezkm1m1x late reply but I see an issue with this having a coping mechanism is helpful but what you described is escapism. Imo neither are bad but one is a healthy way of handling difficult situations and the other is ignoring the problem. Which can be useful if you don't have the proper tools to deal with the issue at the moment and doing so doesn't negatively impact things that you value. Using video games to not focus on something you said 10 months ago is not the same as trying to figure out why you're worried about something ten months ago. Hence I agree with the questioning of the comment you replied to. It's strange to say escapism helped with depression, when escapism doesn't actually solve anything. That being said I was the same way as a teen, played video games every second I could to not deal with life. Argument could be made for teens/children since most of their life is not controlled by them but by their parents and social expectations.

[@mr_0n10n5]

"The kid is gonna win this game" Of effing course he's gonna win. I've seen a lot of parents like this and the kids just fucking go the Sasuke route; become really successful and powerful and spite their parents to the grave. It's a very sad thing to watch.

[@AcidiFy574]

They deserve it though

[@jaccuzi_800]

He's a gamer, his dad isn't. The victor here is obvious

[@darthestar8791]

Does that mean I can strive to be the video game artist I want to be in collage when my parents kept telling me each time "It's up to you but you'll most likely not be able to find a job in that field" which unintentionally scared me away from doing it to begin with.

[@remyhavoc4463]

@@darthestar8791 yes, it's possible. If it's your passion and you see and feel something special when it's the topic then go for it. I have a lot of hobbies and interest and I kinda envy my younger self for having only a few interests but is willing to do it with passion and master the craft Of course you need to be realistic and find out what kind of world you're entering but don't lose hope. And just in case, have a back up plan Muhammad Ali said that becoming a boxer was his best decision but that doesn't mean everyone should strive for it juts because he did the impossible. He told people to finish school first and get a job because the chances of becoming a boxer that gets paid well is 1 in a million, so have a back-up plan You're passionate about it but remember that other people are also passionate about it which means you have competition. I suggest looking up some things about it before you go to it but if you're already in it and you're feeling confident, have no second thoughts, go full ape shit on it and work your ass off to get to the top

[@SuupurSanicc]

Or the itachi route, break, and throw out the whole clan.

[@fxdefiancy]

TL:DR: Dont treat your child like a slave. Long version: Its funny seeing parents act like their God over their child, and that they are the most superior being in their life. As a parent, YOUR CHILD IS NOT YOUR SLAVE. Just because they are a child does NOT mean you get to disrespect them and turn them into your mindless robotic slave. When I was 15, I had asked my parents for even a LITTLE bit of free time. I was severly stressed out with school, work, and home drama that I got virtually no free time where I could just be by myself and enjoy my time alone. But their response? "Children dont deserve free time, you are the child, we are the adults. You do what we say". Advice to EVERY parent and future parents. DO NOT undermine your kid because they are below the age of 18 and you are their parent. A child deserves as much respect as any other damn human being, and it infuriates me to even bring that up. If you cant do that, dont bother becoming a parent, cause I guarantee you your child will spite the hell out of you when their older. Sorry for the rant. This subject just pisses me off, which I am also passionate about raising awareness for.

[@Lucifer-vb8gd]

I was the same, stress throught the roof, school, afterschool activities, everything was too much, adding to my preexisting problems. My parents woke up after I started seeking our school psychologist to deal with my issues.

[@thorvaldspear]

Sadly enough, all the major religions encourage this sort of toxic behavior. The bible, for example, has several mentions of parent superiority. I know because I've heard them from my mom.

[@NarutoOrganisation13]

@@thorvaldspear She was manipulating scripture to get away with treating you unfairly. The full quote is "Honor thy father and thy mother, and provoke not your children to wrath." She probably only ever used the first part, didn't she? I've seen it happen a lot.

[@thorvaldspear]

@@NarutoOrganisation13 Well, now I have a biblical weapon of my own. Thanks! And yes she did only use the first part, which is concerning.

[@pedrovalencia1351]

I could feel the weight of your emotions. It's good to get it out some times. Wish you the best.

[@landturtle7470]

This is helping not only the children but also the children of future generations because a lot of parents don't realize how important it is to establish trust with their child which then leads the child to trust what their parent teaches them (hopefully good principles and basic good parenting) and an overall good relationship, but unfortunately a lot of parents today realize this too late and try to repair a relationship when their child is already a young adult which can work but will take a lot longer to build that trust again

[@leongoatcatcher]

Best comment, I have a great relationship with my family being also the youngest. Really I think it’s a literal skill issue with the parent of today.

[@itsnotyouitsme4081]

This style of parenting where the parent “fixes” the child’s problems, or where they are “doing what is in the best interest of the child” is what happened to a family friend, and the exact same thing Doctor K said would happen happened. Daughter was 13, she was adopted and family friends both work 7 am - 7 pm and forced her to sleep at 9:30 so she saw them for at most 3 hours each day. This caused her to turn to the internet. They got a device called circle, which tracks your time on the internet and limits it. She was only allowed 1 hour a day. She started hanging out with the wrong people at school, started sneaking morphine from her father and drinking with friends at school. She was sent to a mental institution for a couple months and it didn’t help at all. She lit a fire in their garage a few months after the therapy. She openly told them how much she hated them for what she was going through because they were so uninvolved it was like they didn’t even care about her problems. Their response to this? They sent her to an all girls boarding school where she got worse over time. Fast forward to now, and she’s been in and out of jail ever since she was 18 and still on drugs. She’s almost 30. It’s so extremely important for the parent to work with the child instead of against them. There were so many obvious signs that she just wanted to feel loved. But obviously under this circumstance they just were not giving her that and even worse she was punished for it. Just heartbreaking. 💔😭😔

[@NoMoreSuperHero]

Sounds like it was the kid’s fault.

[@itsnotyouitsme4081]

@@NoMoreSuperHero I can’t tell if that was sarcasm or not

[@SilkySnow_]

@@itsnotyouitsme4081 Given their username, I think it's meant to be an intentionally bad joke.

[@NoMoreSuperHero]

@@itsnotyouitsme4081 Ummmm it's not.

[@itsnotyouitsme4081]

@@NoMoreSuperHero Okay well if you genuinely believe that, I’m curious, what makes you think that?

[@Hyurno]

This was literally me and my dad when I was 14 holy shit. It really cuts deep.

[@samuelwhittenburg8742]

Same

[@ichteilenicht2088]

same

[@mochiiLIVE]

too true

[@plumt4119]

Same

[@franciscopereira5760]

Same, it's like a trauma I have, every time my dad gets behind me while I game, I get anxious, I can't play good, I stop typing on the keyboard and turn to KZbin

[@odeo5691]

The whole earning privileges back from parents is a complete lie in my case. Had all video games taken for 3 years because of my grades. I got five B's and an A after that. Basically got told nope when I asked about it. Then they acted shocked when the next year I got all D's and one C. And got told "we won't give it to you with grades like that". The only winner in this game is parents. Fun fact: video games was one of the only things keeping me motivated. Having motivation taken away for 3 years and hearing "well at least you graduated." Is one of the most irritating things.

[@aerothallji6514]

I’d say that most parents I’ve read about on here don’t even deserve being parents due to how entitled and egotistical some of them seem.

[@CrazyJabberwock]

They dont give it back because they think "oh, taking away the games worked, they'll get over those stupid games eventually, they'll thank us when they are rich and give us all their money"

[@cherrycoyote55]

@@CrazyJabberwock yeah... no... im putting them in a home the second the option becomes avalibe

[@CrazyJabberwock]

@@cherrycoyote55 yup. people wonder how you can be so callous to your family, but they don't see where it started.

[@farawayxgalaxy]

As someone who’s entire body **BROKE DOWN TO POINT I WAS IN HOSPITAL** in sophomore year of high school but they couldn’t find anything “medically wrong”, that line hit SO HARD. The nothing “medically wrong” especially. It turns out, all of that was from my horrible horrible anxiety that my parents didn’t treat seriously. Sure enough, when we transfered out of that high school I got SO much better. My body is still feeling the effects from that time period, and I’m 22. Take! Mental! Health! Seriously!!!

[@rodolfo9876a]

I hope that you're doing better

[@farawayxgalaxy]

@@rodolfo9876a I’m doing a LOT better. I won’t say everything is sunshine and roses but I’m in better place. The effects my body still feels aren’t too serious: just things like my stomach being worse than normal etc

[@rodolfo9876a]

@@farawayxgalaxy Good to know

[@loganovercash]

​​@@farawayxgalaxyoster care years back caused me to have severe stomach problems for years. Stress causes high levels of cortisol and your seratonin plummets. 80% of your seratonin is in your stomach. Honestly I started microdosing with psilocybin mushrooms in the mornings, (very small amount) and that's increased my body's production of seratonin and my stomach tends to work much better now. Either that or maybe Celiac's disease?

[@Nerobyrne]

Gives me the same vibe as "sociology isn't real science". Somehow, many people think it stops being real once it affects the mind. They also often think that "social constructs" aren't real.

[@the-real-zpero]

"you have to let go of the illusion of control" -Master Oogway

[@mr.s6661]

So fitting! It refers to how Shifu must stop trying to turn Po into another Shifu, and instead turn him into the dragon warrior. He needs to work WITH Po and work from his strengths, not try to control him by constantly reminding him of his weaknesses

[@garybrown2039]

@@mr.s6661 Po’s impression of him: “Work hard panda , and one day, you’ll have ears like mine!”

[@CEOmagi]

Did he ever said that I don't remember 👀

[@BenjaminKing1]

My mom used to try to hide the power cable to my xbox (this was early 2000s) and would get livid when I played too much. I was a private school kid who made B's, was in AP science classes, played on 2 soccer teams, did track and cross country. My videogaming came from a mixture of being bored at school, seasonal depression, having ADHD (undiagnosed then), and wanting a competitive outlet that scaled with my speed of learning(competitive Halo player, MLG etc).

[@matthew_natividad]

Bruh my grandmother did the same to my psp charger but mainly it was under guise of “it’ll damage my eyes”

[@SilverGunner]

Thats how i got into lockpicking.

[@brkbtjunkie]

Fun fact, the Xbox cable is a standard figure 8 connector that tons of electronics use. I would of jacked one from their DVD player. (Or in my case when I was a kid: the VHS player)

[@scratchos9816]

@@brkbtjunkie it's called a VCR not a VHS player

[@Nickgaming-sy5og]

@@scratchos9816 joke on you its vhs is in other counties like australia

[@Izukachan]

As I grow older I realise four things: - How lucky I am to have well educated and open minded parents - How lucky I was to have gone to a good school and made good friends - How 70% of people out there weren't as lucky yet no one tries to help them - How over half of the parents of the world are terrible and don't deserve to have children and are the root of social problems. Look at all the terrible people. Hitler. He had an abusive father. I remember reading somewhere that said, no one is born evil or problematic. They grow to become it.

[@knasiotis1]

we didnt ask you bro, im happy for your luck

[@Izukachan]

@@knasiotis1 It's a youtube comment. I can write whatever I want even if you didn't ask. The world doesn't revolve around you. No one needs your permission to express themselves. Get a grip on reality.

[@Nexpeon]

This is basically my parents haha, the only thing I’ve really had to go through was a divorce.

[@knasiotis1]

@@Izukachan implying it's not condescending to appear in a video where everyone discusses instances of disruptive parental behavior like the special snowflake "hey guys i'm not like you i'm so lucky haha, most of you are unfortunate and most people shouldn't be parents"

[@renrww6847]

@@knasiotis1 read the first sentence from the comment, you want him to lie or something?

[@CMT_Crabbles]

Strict parents raise pathological liars and cause unhealthy family dynamics. Abusive parents “raise” mental cases of all sorts and almost always leads to cut ties. I’ve had the displeasure of dealing with *some* of this, and it sucks. It sucks having to lie on an almost constant basis because your parents believe, expect, and demand you to be someone you are not. I swear I had a point when i started typing, but honestly i forgot. Just feels nice to put this out somewhere.

[@halicusdiaarcan102]

Glad you feel good about putting this out! It's good to be thoughtful and get things out of our systems from time to time :)

[@expression3639]

Point is, stupid parents shoot themselves in the foot.

[@Jenna_Talia]

Especially feel that last bit. Upon me coming out my mother literally called me brainwashed. Her head is so far up her ass that she can't fathom the fact that I am just like this. No, I must be being puppeted by some mythical boogeyman online. As if I'd intentionally throw myself out on the road like that, just because someone told me to. What I especially hate is that my family knows I have a seething hatred for them due to this, but they still won't do anything to change themselves. They won't listen to a word I'll say. Literally watching some fat stuck up pigs rip my life away from me and I basically can't do shit to stop it. She deems herself to not be transphobic and up until that point I largely agreed, in reality she was just happy to throw trans people a bone so long as she didn't have to deal with them.

[@the-man-who-bites-his-tongue]

lax parents raise failures.

[@Jenna_Talia]

@@the-man-who-bites-his-tongue sure they do lmao It's clearly not as if being strict helps either so im glad to hear your proposal

[@blueactor672]

Oh god. This was almost the same relationship I had with my mother growing up. Found out later in life that I had ADHD, which is why I felt like high school was a hopeless endeavor. Spending all day at school almost felt physically painful and I playing video games at the end of the day brought me a sense of relief. She had it all wrong. A big part of growing up for me has been realizing that my mom is just another person with some bad opinions. My mom hid the entire router bruh. On top of taking my phone/laptop/family pc. She tried so hard but I ended up dropping out in 11th grade anyways. This video is so spot on. Restricting video games does not work. I ran away from home and that was the moment she "gave up" and let me make my own decisions, I improved. I'm getting my bachelor's degree this December, only 1 semester behind the HS class I was supposed to graduate with.

[@BD-yl5mh]

As a 26 year old who took a gap year to work at a convenience store, didn’t travel or do anything worthwhile, then went to uni out of a sense of obligation, spent about 3 years making about 1.5 years of progress (switching degrees and failing subjects) before dropping out and has worked as some form of delivery driver ever since, please let me tell you how happy I am to hear that you understand “only 6 months behind schedule” is actually a really good thing. I love that you have the perspective that you’re fine to have taken whatever slightly unorthodox path. Even I technically can appreciate the idea that my time wasting, shit kicking journey is all a process that hopefully culminates in a satisfying comeback, but too often I see kids graduate University 1 year later than everyone else and think their life is over. I’m glad to hear you seem to have direction and purpose and passion!

[@sharp7j]

What tips would you give if a kid is in your shoes? I heard exercise and socializing really helps, once they are physically and socially "satisfied" then doing low-feedback stuff like studying is easier?

[@BD-yl5mh]

@@sharp7j are you the kid or the parent. If you’re the parent, be careful imposing anything. If you want your kid to exercise, because yes, it will probably improve their mood, then you need to make sure you don’t force them because that will tend to backfire. As dr k often says, just talk to your kid. If your kid seems “off” talk to them about why, and support them to fix the things pulling them down, without being too much of a complete saviour. But if your kid says “I’m overweight and too embarrassed to run” suggest other exercises they could do, and if they’re like “but I’m never motivated” ask them, “this sounds like something you want to do but have anxiety about, would you appreciate me pushing you to exercise sometimes to get you out of your head?” and most importantly, LISTEN to their answer

[@thisisntallowed9560]

@@sharp7j Ask them why they play and what they like in videogames. Are they happy at school? Do they have any difficulty. Then don't offer solution "I know what's best for you", just give emotional support. Just listen without talking maybe. The child is not that dumb he knows his behavior is excessive, it's like an adult who is achoholic, don't be like "I will remove all the alcohol and you will exercise and study so it's easier for me and I don't have to parent you". Explain to your child why school is important if he doesn't care about studying, calmly. Try putting yourself in their shoes, imagine your life is their life. But if my parents did that I wouldn't have told them about my emotional life because I would feel vulnerable and I didn't want to feel vulnerable in front of my authoritarian parents which I hated. I just wanted to be left alone which would have been healthier for me than them screaming at me all the time.

[@sp00kyd4ddy6]

I'm in almost the same boat I dont see a point in doing school anymore and everytime I see bad grades it reinforces that

[@Cryptic0013]

My parents were like this. It basically turned screentime into forbidden fruit and I didn't learn to self-regulate my impulses until well into adulthood, because I had always had overbearing parents deciding (literally) how every minute of my day was scheduled and exactly how much of anything from TV to cookies I was allowed. The first year (or three) of college was *rough*.

[@xoxablade8345]

forbidden fruit.... Guessing they were also religious haha... relatable.

[@TheR3verse57]

I actually had a large lego collection that my dad gave away just because it was important to me. He knew I was doing bad in school, and that that was the only way to punish me. It wasn’t that he thought it was an addiction, it wasn’t that he cared that I was stressed and depressed from school, it was just simply him seeing that I spent time enjoying those things and he wanted to punish me to make me do better. I still loved those things when he got rid of them and my only other hobby being video games, there were some times where he had taken everything that I loved to do away and I had nothing to do but sit with my thoughts and get worse and worse. I really wish my dad hadn’t thought that the solution was leaving me with nothing to enjoy, because I have so many bad memories I didn’t need to be left with.

[@keoku360]

Sounds like my mother. Some people shouldn't be parents. I used to feel jealous of other people who had good relationships with their family, but now I'm at a point where I'm more envious of orphaned people. I'd rather be alone at this point.

[@aeea8318]

Oh my... That's just so cruel.. And then they're wondering "why does my child hates me, this ingrateful swine, I did everything the best"

[@wplants9793]

That is heartbreaking. Legos are so therapeutic!! Working with the hands and building things release neurotransmitters. I hope you reconnect with legos (or whatever you’d like) on your own terms. When I was a kid I didn’t get legos because they were ‘for boys’, but I love them now.

[@fabiospasiano9885]

I have a similar story to this: I had the passion for legos, but one day my parents were invited to their friends’ place, their kid was 3 years younger than me so of course I didn’t want to talk to him because he was a toddler who still shit his pants in my eyes. I instead played on my DS, the shitter turned it off because I wouldn’t talk to him and I got very pissed. My parents of course, as the wonderful people they are, invited the shitter’s family to our house. Nightmarish experience, the shitter wanted to play with my legos, of course I didn’t want him to do it because they were mine (I was 9 by the way, normal behaviour for kids that age), he was gross to me and whiny. After taking away the police car for the third time he threw a tantrum and rushed in to take the police truck, the shitter smashed it on the railing of the balcony, I lost it and I was literally about to throw him down the fucking first story of the building. My parents and his separated us, I got slaps all over because of it and the shitter got the cuddles because “it was near death experience.” Moral of the story: I was grounded for a month and the shitter got it smooth as oil. That was the experience that killed my passion for legos, and the gap left by them was filled by more videogames. Years later my parents blamed videogames because of low grades and no friends. Retards.

[@-Teague-]

@@fabiospasiano9885 if you tried to kill a kid over a Lego set, then you definitely needed to be punished.

[@crypticutopia7228]

The trouble is a lot of adults and parents just assume that teenagers don't know anything and can never be right because they're young. It was the same way when I was a teenager.

[@isabellastens4630]

Happens with anyone regardless of age child, teen, or adult I personally dont mind it so much now from others not in my family it's good criticism at times always mixed when around my mom or sister though have a better relationship with my best friends than I do my mom and sister

[@Vizceral]

I listen to these videos on parenting to try to be a better older brother. My brother is much younger than me and I know that he looks up to me since our Dad isn't around a lot because of work. I want to do my best but this video has taught me that I also have to let him learn how to fail. It's a long road.

[@Kaori57]

I wish I had these when I was growing up as well since I was trying to raise my younger sister when our single mom was having a mid-life crisis. Just don't forget to make sure that your needs are being met as well and don't take all the burden onto yourself. It's a struggle but good job on trying.

[@cory99998]

@@Kaori57 oof sorry you had to take on that responsibility. I can somewhat relate, its pretty scary watching a parent suddenly no longer become a viable guardian for you anymore. For me it made me overly independent out of necessity which unfortunately hasnt stopped

[@malastrasza]

Been that to my younger bro too, kinda. Realised it way later and made a lot of mistakes as an older brother, but as we are now 26 and 20 - totally different tempers, I gotta say we love each other more than anything else. And all the mistakes during the time and all the work on this relationship created a relationship now, that is the biggest gem in my life right now. Cheers to you and your bro!

[@Kokose]

I think it is a good idea for you to watch some of the Joran Peterson videos.

[@k5hi59]

That's very mature of you, I'm sure he will appreciate the hell out of it when he's older.

[@jareddembrun783]

The very first thing that jumped out at me was the divorce, and parents couldn't agree on a consistent approach.

[@alexia3552]

A child's parents breaking up is already a big stressor, why isn't that treated like a valid factor? it really stands out that the dad latched onto the one thing he could control, instead of acknowledging that the divorce and pandemic and possible psychological issues and god knows what else could be problems that are leading to these negative outcomes for the kid. Because only what you can fight against and control are real, right? It's uncomfortable to feel helpless but it's so often the reality, you can't respond in an effective way to the situation if you don't acknowledge that life is big and chaotic and you can't control everything.

[@pingeee]

@@alexia3552 dad seems like a narcissistic control freak that thinks everything should go his way and abuses the only power he has in his life on his kid

[@gdhuertas07]

8:00 “If you don’t know what’s going on with your kids, maybe you should ask them.” Simple yet very effective advice.

[@UnsuspectingCommenterPassingBy]

So simple yet some parents never actually care to do it

[@SETHthegodofchaos]

@@UnsuspectingCommenterPassingBy I hypothesize that - if they are 'fixers' - then they might be afraid to find out that they cant fix it. And therfore end up not asking to avoid that chance.

[@BrilliantBravura]

@@UnsuspectingCommenterPassingBy because adults have lived longer, we tend to think we have more information and we are more likely to be able to solve problems, compared to kids who we tend to see as a blank state. This hubris is going to repeat as long as parents are unable to see their children as humans capable of growth.

[@FrodeBergetonNilsen]

Asking people how they really are, is a good start. It's a start. That's all it is. In the big scheme of things, it really isn't much. But, if you can't even do that, forget about the rest.

[@WillTheSheep]

probably very common the kid won't open up

[@augustgremaud2738]

So, so much of this rang true for me. My parents are otherwise kind and reasonable people, but when it came to games, they simply couldn’t understand why someone would enjoy them and didn’t want to. They tried to prevent me from ever getting any, so when I was gifted an old colorless gameboy by my cousin, I played nonstop. This affirmed their fears so they heavily restricted my playtime. They were so scared of me becoming a no-life neck beard or something (despite me excelling in school and being an avid athlete) that they’d see video games as the root of any problem or bad behavior, and removal was always the solution. Talking back? No games for a week. Recklessly riding my bike in front of a car? No Gameboy for 2 week. It was incredibly irrational. The most infuriating part was that my parents treated me with respect in other contexts because they considered me intelligent and mature, but when it came to games they were immediately patronizing. It always came down to power dynamics. Honestly, the only thing that made this bearable was that over time, they determined that giving me some opportunity to talk and reach a compromise (mostly on their terms though) was better than constant enmity. Also, with time they realized that letting me play games wasn’t ruining my academic or social life. In college, I eventually did wind up using video games as an unhealthy escape from mental anguish after a breakup, and it did negatively impact my social life, but coming to that conclusion myself did worlds more for my mental health and behavior than any degree of restriction ever could. I love my parents and am very grateful that we have such a good relationship now, but when I was young this issue really caused problems for me. It extended to other forms of tech too - I was the last one in my class to have a computer, and eventually had to have teachers to talk to my parents about why they were necessary - but over time our relationship and understanding has improved immensely and I’m very happy with where we are now.

[@Aiilex]

It prob took you 15min to write this. Some I’m just letting you know your voice was heard.

[@augustgremaud2738]

@@Aiilex thank you, I really appreciate it!

[@frenchfrey65]

good lord I can't even imagine parents besides maybe super elder grandparents, to be so afraid of gaming to the point where they won't even have a computer in their home, that is ridiculous! the fact they didn't even know that computers are used for everything else and not just video games is scary.

[@teinmeizeshi5209]

"Do you want to go to college?" That's the least likely sentence to ever be spoken by a parent. It's either, "You'll get through college." or "You'll get a degree."

[@emilianoaventura5295]

Happy that those were words that my parents asked me when I got out of high school haha Right now I'm still not on college because I was worried a lot with all of the pandemic stuff, but I'm planning on entering in august, because I do want to go through college

[@FlameUser64]

I've actually had my mom use "Do you want to go to college?" But it's always in the context of a threat since I can never seem to put in the effort to commit.

[@RezaQin]

My mother was the same. I dropped out three times before I moved to a different state and now I am in the IT field where I don't need a degree. What a waste of time.

[@manictiger]

I never completed college and I'm worth more than the rest of my family, combined. I thank the genes, I guess. They might be stuck in the 50s, but at least their genes gave me the ability to see through that crap. It's the end of an empire, not the golden age of one. Adapt or perish.

[@battlesister1559]

To me it something similar too. When I was in 2st year of highschool I got the question of "Have you chosen your future course in college already? You should take the entrance exams of multiple universities to test the waters and next year you'll do it." To be fair I never got a lot of options growing up, I was given an option to choose a course that I wanted and what university I could attend but that's about it.

[@drakordarkstar]

It's truly sad that this resonates with me and so many other people, so many parents ruin lives and create unstable emotions through their illusion of "fixing" people who are in immense emotional pain

[@jeannedarc7533]

Often times these parents were raised this way themselves, thus repeating the cycle with their children.

[@HyperNova808]

@@jeannedarc7533it’s a disgusting cycle of “normality” and normal isn’t always good, just a common occurrence.

[@michaeltorrisi7289]

So parents have been parenting more or less the same way for centuries. Parenting changes in the 90s. Mental health outcomes have demonstrably worsened since then. Not just more reporting, but observable outcomes like suicides and suicide attempts. Personal opinion here, but I think a return to stricter parenting is probably a good idea.

[@HyperNova808]

@@michaeltorrisi7289 as long as the line between strictness and abuse isn’t crossed I guess it might be ok. However theres also many new things that could also have worsened peoples mental health since then

[@assassin8636]

@@HyperNova808 well how though?

[@lexiw.145]

This is literally what happened to me over the pandemic and quarantine. No headache though just extreme fatigue and lack of motivation. I would play video games and watch KZbin/ scroll social media instead of doing school work. I was procrastinating and staying up late to do school work(online school)and my mom decided that to fix this that she should take away the laptop (that I used to to school work and watch KZbin) at 5pm each day. And because it was such a sudden change, and since I was already struggling to get assignments finished, I gave up and stopped doing work altogether. And then We went out of town to see my sick grandma (not due to covid) and I ended up being a week behind and when I asked my teachers for a due date or some sort of structure for when I should turn in the late assignments they just said "turn it in whenever" basically and I stopped doing anything even current assignments. Later on it snowballs and my grades are horrible and my parents do nothing to help me or my brother who was also struggling at the time. They just take away my games and basically just let me continue to wallow around in my misery and threaten to kick me out if I don't get a job and basically give up on my entirely. So yeah I'm still depressed and recovering from that but I'm going to see a therapist in January (2022), hopefully that helps. Edit: Spelling and Grammar

[@doge9347]

The beauty of incapable parents.

[@iSuckAtGamesGG]

same, but she has adhd but still doesn't understand which mind boggling, she did like school so that might explain it, but i actually hate school with a passion so im fucked...

[@datweetee1]

This is very insightful. I am one of those ppl that always thought games were bad for you seeing my younger brother-in-laws go through “laziness” so didn’t want to have any video games at home. Once I became a parent, I do restrict to only weekends but I think I might need to readjust after watching this. Thank you so much for posting this. Parenting is so hard and these videos help guide me to be a better one.

[@krisweller1498]

I feel like it’s important to mention that psychosomatic illness is real illness. The pain and suffering is real, and sometimes doesn’t go away after the psychological issue is resolved.

[@seanmac1793]

As someone who has had Psychosomatic issue that have been deeling with for the better part of 4 years this is absolutely true and people can never really understand unless they have had something similar

[@natesmodelsdoodles5403]

@@seanmac1793 Same. I mean, sure my anxiety and depression's all in my head. But so are the systems that control literally everything in my body, and a good part of them automatically respond to my emotions because some monkeys millions of years ago got squished or eaten because their bodies didn't say "oh hey, I'm scared, I guess I should get ready to book it as fast as I can".

[@seanmac1793]

@@natesmodelsdoodles5403 yeah mine a rose because of school and some of my poor decision making and time management. School has been over for me for the foreseeable future for 9 months now and it's stuck with me. It's better than it was but these things fuck you up. Sorry to hear you have had one as well. I always found it humiliating that I have this incrediblely disruptive thing in my life and it's all some kind of weird mind palce that I have constructed without meaning to do it, but you just have to keep going. Life is looking better for me now. I do have goals and ideas for the future it's just figuring out the best way to achieve them for me. Hope you are also doing well.

[@abhisheksharma2138]

Dr. K went on an absolute rampage from 25:30 onwards, and I just cannot stop laughing at how accurate the mimicry is (being an Indian I can relate). This was extremely hilarious and sad at the same time gg

[@gideoncheung8731]

lmao that was awesome sad. Awesome awesome sad sad.

[@venrakdrake]

THE HEAD BOBBING WAS SO ACCURATE WTF

[@soulance8342]

@c4blec it's very very common from many families of different cultures that come from poverty and made great sacrifices to try and give their children a better chance than they had. Not trying to excuse their actions just trying to understand where they are coming from. They know how bad the world is and are fearful of their children being a victim of the world.

[@kirani111]

I was the mexican friend in that equation lmao!y

[@Hayakoneko]

I fucking lost it at that part :D

[@scubarubanzaii]

Damn, I was heavily restricted back in the day, and all that happened was that I got really good at sneaking around and now I have a multi thousand dollar PC. Thanks parents. You did nothing but cause stress.

[@thescapeartist]

This was my dictator of a step-dad growing up. He would literally find ways to get me grounded and take my video games away specifically from me. Counter tops still have some crumbs from dinner? No video games 2 days. Bad grades? Take away all electronic games/learning devices/television. I had to sneak my game boy in hidden zipper pockets to school to get my fix until he found that too.

[@vexywexypoo]

NO BC MY STEP-DAD LITERALLY WILL TAKE AWAY MY STUFF IF THERE IS WATER ON THE SINK. WATER. ON. THE. SINK.

[@wastelandgames9409]

@@vexywexypoo my dad broke a plate and blamed it on me even tho i was in the other room and when i refused he started punching and smacking me and calling me a spoiled brat oh and by the way i was 6 fucking years old, seriously some people are just either stupid or completely insane

[@vexywexypoo]

@@wastelandgames9409 some people should just cease to exist, that's fucked up.

[@wastelandgames9409]

@@vexywexypoo and even worse he's bipolar and refuses to acknowledge it or take medication so one moment he's a normal guy next second he's beating me until i can't breathe

[@mr-barehiney]

@@wastelandgames9409 If he's just your step dad which means he's essentially a stranger to you and you are a grown ass man. Just beat the living shit out of him

[@yrudonking]

This reminds me of when you tell your parents that you feel depressed and they respond with "what do you have to be depressed about" Instead of why or how you feel.

[@petitesayo4542]

@TheRain Such a self-centered and childish way a thinking, when you think about it.

[@ririrose1462]

I got the "other people have bigger problems than you"

[@riverwashere_]

My parents "fixed" me straight into a drug addiction by continuing to take every single thing I was able to extract any joy from as a teen until that was the only route to dopamine for me

[@venrisulven]

This is almost exactly how I grew up except my father was stricter. Lie to him no video games for a month, 1 grade below honor level no video games for a week, etc. I grew to hate him and hate how he raised me and I cannot say he was in the right. If I ever mentioned I was in pain or felt depressed it was nothing compared to how he felt so I need to get over it. I never gave him a reason to do these things either at the time I was a high honors student doing multiple sports. I lost motivation to do anything because it felt like everything I did would still lead me to be punished. Even when my games were taken away I would do less and less schoolwork. I slowly turned into a d-c student while doing nothing after school. Video games were the only way I found that I could enjoy my life as a child yet I was barely able to use them. This lead to many mental issues that I deal with today and has made me wish I never had a father even though he was never physically abusive. The constant fear of losing my games along with other oppressive security restrictions made me lose interest in everything in life. My father has told me to my face that he must have been a good father to raise a child like me, instead of realizing how much I hide from him and how much resent I have for him. This is not a way to raise a child, its a way to gain resentment from your child and to break their mentality. There are other ways to fix things, please use them, I dont want more me's out in the world if there doesn't have to be.

[@bucketlynx]

If I was you, I'd dump it all over him now Show him how wrong he was Then leave

[@nidohime6233]

Tell him the true, that he is a bad father.

[@venrisulven]

My parents are still together and my fathers an extremely emotional person. I don't know how he would react or if he would take it out on my mother and while my mother never helped me with him I would still say she was a good parent. I plan to block him and move to where he doesn't know where I am but I can't do that yet for now hes still around me. Attempts at therapy have lead no where anyway I've just accepted this as life.

[@aeea8318]

@@venrisulven Holy cow... I didn't had those struggles, but severe childhood as well. I think they should face the facts as they are. Sometimes I'm wondering if physically ill-treated children are somehow in a deepshit a tiny less deep than those who got mental abuse as such whom coments are under this video.

[@xarin42]

@@venrisulven Sounds similar to my situation, except it's the opposite parents.

[@alexandersanchez9138]

25:30 This rant is super funny to me because I was actually a "Mexican" kid who would outwardly exhibit desirable proclivities, like doing math and playing piano for fun, but would actually have severe problems at school (and thus at home) because I would spend all of my time doing math and playing piano instead of the mind-numbing busy work necessary to actually succeed at school. So, I kind of resonate with both side of it.

[@Geheimnis-c2e]

The fact that you separated math and the "mind-numbing busy work necessary to actually succeed at school" is pretty funny

[@alexandersanchez9138]

​@@Geheimnis-c2e Before college in the United States, "math" and thinking are virtually opposite activities. Unless one of your teachers actually knows any math, you're likely not to be asked a *single* interesting question; it's usually all just ridiculously easy computations. In my last years before I left for college, I recall becoming somewhat infamous for regularly making a scene handing new assignments in and leaving class 10 minutes into class because it was just a waste of time for me to sit there doing nothing. Eventually, they forbade me from doing that because they didn't want me to aimlessly wander campus, and so I resorted to rearranging the furniture in the back of the room and just generally being as insufferable and obnoxious as possible.

[@alexandersanchez9138]

​@Simple Weirdo If that's the case, then you *probably* (but not definitely) just haven't found the right books yet. Math really is like music; it's a universal aesthetic. It's just a shame that almost nobody is exposed to it, and instead are subjected to intellectual torture under the name "math." It was pretty infuriating to have to sit through that. Real math is about answering questions you don't know the answer to. Usually, these are "why"-type questions, e.g., "Why is it true that a continuous curve passing from positive values to negative values must be zero at some point?" The full explanation, as clear as anything has ever been, arises naturally--indeed, it almost writes itself--when you gain linguistic competence in a language called "topology." The power of math is in putting the strange miracles of reality into a form which humans can comprehend: language of the utmost clarity. The biggest problem with learning real math is that it's challenging and not particularly beginner-friendly, like Dark Souls (the first installment of which is one of my favorite games for the map's interconnectivity and design). If you're curious and want to try to understand why some people *love* math (hint: it's *not* because they're ""smart""), then I recommend the following: 1) Work through the introduction to Tom Apostol's "Calculus." You can set it aside after that, but the rest of it is pretty good, too. Doing a few chapters now, even concurrently, will pay off later. This shouldn't take more than a few weeks. 2) Work through at least the first 7 chapters of Sheldon Axler's "Linear Algebra Done Right." This will take a few months, but you can start working concurrently after you finish chapter 3. 3) Work through the first two volumes of Terry Tao's "Analysis." This will take the better part of a year. 4) You've competed the tutorial stage. Pick a book in a subject you like (you'll know by then), learn its prerequisites (which will be some variation on the stuff you've already learned), and then start working through the book.

[@Smithor]

I knew the American school system was terrible, but holy cow. Math teachers that don't know math? All of my teachers in highschool were well involved in the fields they taught. I can't even imagine a teacher not knowing what they were talking about. I feel for you guys.

[@Geheimnis-c2e]

@@alexandersanchez9138 The thing is, Dark Souls can be mastered through repetition. Timing of x and y swings, how to parry, etc. It gets easier over time. Math, once you think you've got a feel for the subject, it's already time to move on to the next one. Such was my experience with math. Look, I know you're passionate about math. Good on you. Keep going. But me? I'm gonna be the one to submit and just say what they all say about non-academic subjects. "It's not my thing."

[@hazamax2139]

"Why do I love and appreciate what my parents have done for me, yet I really hate the idea of engaging with them?" Guess I can kinda see why now.

[@slipknotmfkrlocust8843]

So fucking relatable

[@wiilov]

Put that shit on a shirt

[@FireShaddow]

Not finished watching the video yet, but this is exactly how my stepdad was and I hated his guts. I barely got to spend any time with my father, who eventually died of cancer when he was 47, I was 17. I still can't helped but feeling robbed of the time I could've spent with him. My stepdad said the only 3 things I cared about were myself, money, and video games. He would always accuse me of things that weren't true and host these "bible studies" that would always end up with him yelling at me about something I supposedly did wrong. I once got grounded for a month for getting up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I feel like I get how this kid feels.

[@duncanbug]

How awful. I’m so sorry.

[@UNKNWN96]

Bro that hurts…

[@chinikery2590]

Shit as someone with a similar dad plsu im 16 and he is 47 so this hits

[@Aras14]

This hits very close to home, I even told my mom that i might have depression and she replied with: "no, if you had depression, i would have to wake you up every day" Safe to say, I never told her about my problems after that, because (realized this a few months afterwards) I had guilt problems (way too much guilt, for example i got serious suicidal thoughts when i forgot my notes for a presentation)

[@bandu3567]

That is really sad hope you are good now

[@Silly_Brain]

The Indian accent part was so so so funny and hilarious. I laughed so hard. It is so refreshing when someone is able to make fun based on racial stereotypes and do it in a good way, from point of understanding, compassion a care. You are absolutely brilliant on that.

[@souldancersbyjennifer]

Bwahahaha... Exactly... especially when he was playing doting mommy... 🤣🤣🤣

[@roguequeen6323]

Right, it made my day.

[@Nerex7]

Bro, the dude is 16, his parents are divorced, there is a global pandemic that restricts everything to basically having a digital life and the father is delusional enough to blame everything on the videogames? Of course there should be some sort of deal made. Life and school goes first, then do whatever you want. If you want to play video games all day everyday, that is not a problem as long as you do not sacrifice your real life for it. Real life has no reset or respawn. You gotta get it going and then you can go for whatever entertainment you like (shouldn't at all matter if someone plays games for a hobby or reads books all day or whatever)

[@shinodamasaru7945]

In video games, I am always win even I was losing a match because I can revive and try again. In real life, you can't restart your life unless someone support you or my life.

[@Avanora1]

I really thought so far that this is was a child.... This is a teenager?? I was a teenager with parents who went through a divorce. Let me tell you escapism was a useful tool for survival, as they were both abusive or neglectful. Video games raised me. I find so much value in this channel and the purpose behind the organization that dr k has with his wife.

[@Yellow.1844]

school is not for everyone, he could get a trade and continue playing video games when hes off and be a normal adult lol

[@Ricy365]

bro I like Nao aswell

[@stephenyoshida8145]

Now that I think about it, I think Dr. K's being way too lenient on the dad. Not only are his parents divorced, the problem appeared during the pandemic, and he's going through arguably the most important aspect of mental growth as a teenager. It's just sad that the dad can't empathize with his own child, and can't take his son's mental health more into consideration...

[@Daemonwii]

The fact that *everyone* relates to shit parenting speaks *volumes* about the current state of parenting.

[@halbgefressen9768]

Although parenting has become way better in the last 50 years, there is still a lot of space for improvement.

[@AcidiFy574]

@@halbgefressen9768 No it hasn't man

[@halbgefressen9768]

@@AcidiFy574 well most people are not getting beaten anymore and more people enjoy education

[@PasscodeAdvance]

IKR?!

[@Cheolnobaka]

@@AcidiFy574 id say it generally has. And it's coming from someone with parents like the dad in the video. The people listening to this kind of videos are specifically the people who are interested in that kind of situations. Who are interested in this kind of situations? People that lived it. And that's something to remember in our internet experience we very often end up in groups of people that have similar live experiences has us and we can forget that other people with other experiences exist. But more and more people nowadays take the time to learn how to parent right and they rethink what they do and they look at themselves and accept that they are wrong sometimes. I do it myself as a parent. I remember how my parents were and I try to do my best not to do it

[@kangarumpy]

God, with an Asian mother, that impersonation at 25:30 is so accurate to my experiences. My mom's always taught restriction instead of restraint and I'm still infantilized. I'm still cooped up inside and never leave the home at 20, getting close to 21. I'm always blackmailed of the time I was on campus freshman year and had a mental break where I stayed inside and starved. When I try to have an adult conversation about a goal of getting a job and moving out, I literally get laughed out of the kitchen. At this point, my sleep is so fucked on purpose because I want to avoid my parents a such as possible.

[@iicustodianlaw]

Asian mothers love to make their own version of communism

[@Matster196]

Sounds like you should look into moving out somewhere with some friends. That kind of environment is only going to be bad for the health. Might as well apply for some work as well under the table.

[@northamerica5142]

Sounds like abuse and *illegal.* If your an adult and being black mailed, you can literally get your family sent to prison with evidence.

[@TurtleSauceGaming]

I noticed this! When I'm alone, I'll drive far better than with my father. I may speed a bit, I've had some near misses, but we all do. I've learned that the near misses happen, and it's how you respond to them that makes you a good driver. But I'm more relaxed and more in tune with what's going on around me, rather than my father's potential comments (and vocalized comments). Same with anything. When I'm on my own, I am able to develop my own routines, free from my father's need to remind me or complain. It's just natural to put stuff in the sink and clean it and put it away immediately, rather than leave it there. There's also no junk lying around, so you aren't tempted to leave more stuff because, subconsciously, who cares? It's messy already. It's like a big reset. At 27, I'm tired of having my father breathing down my neck like I'm 16. It's severely stunted my growth mentally. Fortunately, I've been moving ahead. I need to moveout, but I'm willing to continue putting up with this nonsense so I can get my degree and have a good foundation. I'll own two homes, my first being purchased cash as a rental, allowing me to save up quicker for a second home, also cash. I'll probably be mid 30s by the time it happens (graduating with my BSN and Bachelor's in public Health in 2026 at 31), but it'll be worth it. I'll have a nice house, and a backup I can always afford. I'll be independently thriving. I love my dad, but my god is he annoying, and I think man is only meant to live with his parents for so long.

[@samuelerikcolombo9090]

As a parent and someone who grew up with super strict parents your content benefits me on the double. Thank you for your work, really appreciate you!

[@Shoobster]

This attitude is really frustrsting to read, I know so many parents who are too quick to impose their will and drop useless punishments on their children. Dad's digging himself into a hole trying to treat the symptoms before the problem.

[@Ropewatch]

What’s even worse is that there’s a lot of morons who will defend this behavior and look for excuses for the parents. Like, no dude. The parents fucked up.

[@oksanarose6879]

well said.

[@gabrielstroup]

My younger brother (20) is going through a very similar thing, and right now, he lives with me and my grandma, always cooped up in his room, playing video games well into the night. I’m trying my best to be empathetic and give him the space he needs to work through whatever he’s going through, but our traditional, Vietnamese grandma is fed up with it and is far less patient about what she thinks is him throwing his life away. I keep trying to remind her that he’s an adult, that no one can control what he does with his life, that all we can do is try to let him know that he can talk to us, and that we can’t force him to change his ways when he’s not ready to. He has to want to change, and the effort we spend trying to force the change is better spent on helping ourselves cope with his decisions. It does make me worry that he’s neglecting his physical and mental health (his ADHD and possible OCD exaggerate his moods). He refuses to find a job, seek therapy, nor even keep any of the family (me, our grandma, our mom, nor our stepdad) in the loop about what he plans to do with his life in the near future. He’s expressed that he’s planning to move back to NJ (currently in UT) to hopefully find his own place to live, but he’s yet to share any of the details, either because he doesn’t feel safe to do so, or because he hasn’t figured them out yet. It’s hard to know because he literally does not open up. Even when he and I play games together, he does not willingly have these conversations with me. Now I’m just focusing on my own shit and just hope that something changes soon before he passes out from malnutrition, emotional exhaustion, or other issues that I can’t help him with until he lets me in. I’ve told him my concerns, but he’s not taking them seriously. Thanks to anyone who’s read this far, it’s been difficult to come to terms with the situation, but any advice for me or my grandma would be really helpful.

[@pronick619]

22:10 this part is really important, as a kid I played hockey and there were so many times when I didnt feel like going, but my dad would tell me "if you don't want to go that's fine, but don't expect me to pay for your next season" and I would always end up going because I really did like it, and once you're there on the ice you get your motivation and energy back.

[@connorwinton4343]

video game "addiction" like many other addictions is often times the symptom of a larger issue rather than the cause. A lot, and I mean a lot of parents refuse to understand that escapism is escapism because of issues the child is facing outside in the world. It may in excess, like drinking, be a destructive behavior but the root cause is not the escapism itself.

[@beentheredonethat5908]

I am strict with all internet access with my kids. They can use it, all have games and devices, but they have to earn the time they are on. I use chores, each chore has a period of play time or social media time. Being strict doesn't mean you take things away, it means you have them earn the things they want. I have full control of who and when access is available. I've done this for years, I personally know how addictive internet use can be, so I do the same with myself, lead by example. Parents fail by not understanding until it's an issue. The internet is a very addictive and time consuming thing, to much is bad , but it should be allowed in a controlled manner. Having them earn the time makes them work harder and see it as a privilege and doesn't gave to be used as a punishment, more a choice. When my son wants to play tournaments that are two days long, he works extra hard for that time, and because it's earned , if they don't have time to play its caused by themselves. I keep charts of earned time and make sure they have whatever freedom they earn. Parenting is an art. I do think this kid is depressed and has issue's, but if the set up was already in place , the problem doesn't have a chance to come to life. Kids are people. Each is different and must be the parent and child's responsibility to work through and talk. I'd strongly suggest readjust his patterns. I am a strict parent, rules are important, but HOW it's done is key. Divorced parents are in a bad spot.

[@TheChckster]

W parent

[@Unknown-lo9cb]

lmao my parents literally gasslighted me into believing i was some sort of monster over playing video games, which eventually led to me being very suicidal and id hurt myself n shit and theyd still be like "its because of those damn video games" it went on for literal years, causing me to seek out several self destructive coping habbits until eventually at age 18 i ended up fighting against them

[@alexandramaclachlan7597]

"I don't know if he's too prideful or ashamed to admit when he's messed up." I laughed SO loudly at this. Rich, coming from this sperm donor...

[@SeanLaMontagne]

It was absolutely projection

[@monacatowa9406]

I thought it's a remark from Dr. K at first

[@jeremiahacosta422]

Soooo much projection

[@krisgamingscienceandfun4338]

Im gonna keep that insult

[@rinkusan978]

I'm out of the loop I think. Are you implying Dr. K is too prideful or ashamed to admit he's wrong?

[@lukcdk]

I identified with the kid a lot and i was wondering why until you said "maybe he has adhd" and then i realized this was the issue. At some point a bit before the pandemic i basically gave up at school, i only wasted my time at the computer watching videos or playing random games, i thought i was addicted because i hated everything about my life when im not doing something, my mother died not long after my 13th birthday and my father is an alchoholic i'm only living because of my grandma and my uncle who does the minimum, i don't even think i have the skills to live as an adult, im a 17 yr old living in the middle of nowhere is brazil with no skills and im becoming 18 this april, i aslo forgot to mention that was diagnosed with adhd a while ago, or at least my dad said one day while he wasent drunk. I was also going to edit another thing in here, but i forgot, i only remembered that i wanted to say that my pc only has 2 gb of ram now so i'm only playing whatever can run on this which isn't much.

[@Jdub1095]

As a fairly new dad, having a 4 year old and a 4 month old, I love seeing videos about parenting. It amazes me how 99% of the topics Dr. K discusses I can relate to and implement in my own life, and I'm sure I'm not alone in this. Thank you for teaching this Dr. K

[@xxraptorsc0pezxx]

Thank you for taking his advice and applying it your life. This world needs more open minded parents like you.

[@luider8795]

my parents suck, they gave my little brother so kany toys and copious amounts of tv time to horrible shows, no amount of telling will change their mind

[@narwhale922]

I still find it amazing how my parents never actually blamed my hobbies on why i had depression. In fact, they encouraged my interests since it made me happy- Yes I'm lucky to have parents that actually listened. Doesn't mean i don't struggle- but it's equally nice to know my parents were some of the good ones, as it is saddening to hear everyone else's parents suck. Seriously though fuck (most)parents. Listen to your kids.

[@paulashinn]

This is so important. When I was young my parents really restricted videogames. That just made so I always had that pent up urge to play all the time and had to learn restraint only when older living on my own. Probably cause they didn't knew how to deal with it themselves, but I was never thought how to properly organize my life and how to observe if my gaming session was no longer productive. And not only that but also learning the consequences of degen gaming was something that I had to learn on my own.

[@th3summoner]

Reminds me a ton of my story. Parents restricted daily videogame time to the point where i would get more time hiding some games for a day and get caught and lose it for the next few days. This continues until like junior/senior year of highschool until i managed to hide one for a full week without my parents noticing. Only pulled all nighters first 2 days and the rest of the week i was attentive and awake bcuz i slept so they had no idea. They ended up cutting the restrictions after that and the rest of my year was perfect. Problem was I still had no practice prioritizing. I was very smart compared to my peers so i was able to pull as and bs without doing any homework, and missing half my assignments. Got to college and first semester got really behind in hw, ended up having to take a leave of absence to save my gpa. Because i never got to learn when to put the game down, i collapsed when things required more than smarts. Now i have a 3.7 in my junior year, in game design major no less. This parent scares me because at least my parents listened once i proved them wrong, this guy doesnt seem to want to. It took commiting my major to show it wasnt an addiction it was a passion to my parents who werent as bad as this guy.

[@GeodeRegan22]

i'm 24 now, but my biological dad and step-mom (especially her) did something similar, where they took away the internet, they took away crochet, they took away art. On top of it, they treated me like a young child, which just ruined my self perception on top of the depression. I was 17 at the time. The only thing keeping me from dying was my little group of friends, and the prospect that I could escape. All of my siblings have done their absolute best to get away from them, and my youngest sister has taken the most damage yet, because she has been there the longest so far. She doesn't have her own voice there. Hell, she has to do everything her younger step sibling wants, and the step sibling gets an extreme favoritism treatment from step mom. It's just. Straight up abuse. So incredibly damaging.

[@blakerussell5538]

Took away crochet?? Jesus

[@warpspeedscp]

​@@blakerussell5538 of all the things, taking away somethign actually constructive like crochet and art?!

[@stephsteph4503]

My parents literally got to the point where they took away all books that I didn't need to read for class. When I told my AP English Teacher, they "assigned" a few extra novels for me to read 😂 I'm taught English abroad and in the US myself for several years after college.

[@jandanart943]

The fact that lot of Parents are like this, then when they talk to other parents and ask each other why their sons or their daughters don't talk to them much and being rebellious. And these same type of parents are raising teens to be very resentful, most of them even develop trust issues in later years because of how parents treated their teens. Most teens now were never taught to engage in positive way when experiencing failures, they instead treat it with reward and punishment. Despite with their good intentions, they never engaged in a healthy communication, no understanding, just rules, punishment, and rewards. They say children's these days are manipulative, some are true but most of the time, a parent who forces their belief and value into someone including their heirs is same thing as manipulation. A parent is a role model, if a parent acts in a manipulative manner, the child will naturally follow and inherit its traits. As a parent you should never start a war in the first place, home is a place of security and safety, not a war zone of mental challenges you have created by yourselves. In fact I'm more worried how the society today will form once these teens who were emotionally gets neglected reach adulthood. The fact so many people commented about their experience in this video is even more worrying as it shows how many people have began changed their views about humanity because of the way they were treated.

[@jon-paulwinters692]

Was going to send this to my family in the group text as a joke for when I was younger and my parents were strict with the media I consumed. Then I listened for 5 minutes, got into the deeper psychology part, and was like “Oh woah. This would be an awkward drop in the group chat.” XD

[@ImoowhenIPoo]

Do it.

[@kogorun]

Don't do it, the ensuing fight isn't worth it.

[@meerafinearts1914]

Do it

[@lili9000c]

Do it you coward. Haha

[@ItSpiatz]

Rather than a drop, you could definitely show it to them by opening a random conversation about it like you're reminiscing about old times or something

[@mattj500]

This dad makes my blood boil. My parents are finally understanding my situation but it took 10 years and 4 psychiatrists and 1 therapist. Literally talk to your kid. 99% of the time people want to succeed in life and want the best. If that isn’t happening FIND OUT WHY. Don’t criticize your kid for mental health problems. Work with them to figure out solutions, DO NOT come up with your own solutions.

[@a-blivvy-yus]

Speaking as a 40 year old whose life is still affected by decisions I made when I was 7 and 8 years old, I don't think you should put a number on "they're not 12 any more, they're 16" and draw a line where you suggest that below a certain age, kids aren't capable of having thoughts and opinions of their own. When I was 10, there was a boardgame I wanted, which my parents refused to buy me because a shopkeeper said it was "too complicated for someone that age" and they took his word over mine. After eventually getting a copy when it was republished more than a decade later, I got my Dad to play the game with me and asked if he thought I'd have enjoyed the game when I was 6, and he said "yes" - then realised why he thought he'd heard the name before when I asked "so why didn't you buy it for me when I was 10?" and apologised for not trusting that I knew my own taste in games.

[@antigrav6004]

"tough love" is the only kind of love a lot of men get.

[@catboynestormakhno2694]

Just tough

[@NoName-kb3xe]

There isn’t a such thing as “though love”. People use it as an excuse for being being emotionally distant and abusive towards their children and partners.

[@Setixir]

@@NoName-kb3xe It's a systematic problem though. You have boys raised that tough love way and absolutely not taught how to deal with their emotions that then have kids they do the same thing to because they don't know anything else. Hell I had to relearn a lot of my own emotional outlets when I became an adult because I realized the way I was raised wasn't conducive to that. Being a guy comes with a lot of pros but this forced disconnect from emotions is horrible and takes forever to fix.

[@tarantulawizard8488]

@@NoName-kb3xe oh my God thank you, I was about to write that

[@tarantulawizard8488]

@@Setixir it's really sad that people genuinely think men can't show emotions and teach us to repress it or else we would be shunned and made fun of, it's such bullshit

[@sargasm169]

Sad to see how many people went and are going through the same thing I did as a child. When videogames are the most positive/stable thing about life and your parents treat it as evil and try taking it away from you, you end up feeling truly miserable.

[@CoffeeKitty.]

Especially in a world where its fucking impossible to make irl freinds, and your entire support circle is online, as is the case with me and many people nowadays. taking a kids communication tools away is akin to tieing them up and stuffing them in a trunk. both are applications of violence and both leave mental scars and trust issues. there are better alternatives. i know it sounds like an extreme comparison but it's really not far off the mark, only off by a matter of amplitude, not effect. if you strip a kid's ability to feel validated and wanted, which is often gained from their peers, they're going to fucking hate you for it, they're going to be miserable and hate themselves.

[@anthony-martinez]

i actually started tearing up at 30 minutes because that’s exactly how my mom is and she doesn’t even recognize her actions. damn

[@Winterreise189]

My mom is the absolute worst at this, man I'm surprised I'm able to do anything at all! We basically weren't able to be independent at all, whenever I tried it was just like "have at it" without any teachings, I would ask for a tip and it would be "AHAAAAA I KNEW YOU NEEDED ME, LET ME DO IT FOR YOU" I've been living on my own in a house I own for like 5 years now, she tells me on the regular she hates it and she thinks I should sell it and move home so I can save money. WHY WOULD I DO THAT? Everyone thinks she's the kindest mom ever, but deep down when I see how she really thinks and acts about things, I think she may be one of the worst people I've ever met. These kinds of people/mothers ONLY get validation by doing things for others, it's basically what gives them life force, however it's incredibly toxic behavior. She gloats about how she won't spend a dime on herself but spends tons of money on others... Like okay that doesn't make you look like a better person, just makes you look stupid!

[@pedrolmlkzk]

How old are you?

[@SunburstSenshi]

This dad sounds like my dad growing up. It’s always been that he gets an idea in his head and that’s it, no discussion. It was always frustrating to be taught as a child to question everything, but when I just ask my dad a simple “Why?” he would shut me down and say “Because I told you to.” I got diagnosed with ADHD at 21, which explained a lot growing up, but when I asked my dad why we couldn’t have gotten me tested for it as a kid, he told me it wasn’t real and that I just needed to see a psychiatrist. Was I addicted to games growing up? Maybe a little, especially my GBA. But mostly I’ve always used them to get away from reality. Didn’t help that I didn’t have siblings or was never allowed to hang out with friends. That kid in the post has much older siblings, one has a child even, and the pandemic hit so he couldn’t even hang out with his friends anymore, so there was no one else for him to talk to. I sympathize with him so much.

[@emvv3784]

“my son has loved games all his life and there have not been problems for a decade or more. then this once in a century pandemic occurs and socially isolates my son in a critical and volatile part of his life. He withdraws from his responsibilities and begins failing at the exact same time as this pandemic and newfound social isolation and finds comfort in doing what he has loved for his whole life. Clearly, the games are the catalyst to his failure, i will take them away” -an actual living human who we give equal civil rights to.

[@Operator588]

Disliking this comment, specifically because you are implying certain people deserve less rights. That is not fucking okay. *everyone* deserves equal rights. No matter how terrible they are. This is the exact mindset that leads to shit parenting.

[@joeknots9658]

@@Operator588 "no matter how terrible they are" nonetheless I still agree to a certain degree

[@Operator588]

@@joeknots9658 Forgot punctuation

[@lekhakaananta5864]

@@Operator588 No, the idea that everyone has the right to be a shitty parent is one of the problems modern society is too afraid to face. You can't give someone a right to harm someone else. Shitty parents harm their kid. They should not have that right, it's the non-aggression principle. Simple.

[@jebsie861]

"I also divorced his mother, but there is no way that this could have any influence on him right?"

[@humourlessjester3584]

I can vouch for that statement that kids will always win. I was living with a very abusive relative at this time while my parents were abroad for work. At that time they helped me run away from that house by helping me rent a small room near my school but I still didn't feel safe because it's not like I moved away from my small city, but at this same time I just so happened to find a Christian organization that helped me through that by being people who would listen, help me cope and make me feel safe while I was still reeling from my experiences in the old house, something my parents couldn't provide because they were away. My parents found out and they didn't like it because they were devout catholics and wouldn't want me associating with other churches so they threatened to take me to another relative who would monitor my every move which I considered to be just a repeat of the same cycle, so I cut myself off from them for a while and started living on my own for a few years. I won't detail how we got back together and all the other stories that lead up to that but my point is I can see myself in what Dr K is saying when a parent wants to both punish and fix the kid's problems the kids are going to have their way.

[@benismann]

10:57 actually my parents did try to fix some of my grades by studying with me and stuff. And when they got even worse they backed up and were like "ok maybe we shouldn't touch that" Now i respect their decision even more

[@danielyuan9862]

I'm glad to see things not take a fall for the worst. I hope things do get better though. :)

[@projectpatientanarchy7550]

One of my mom's girlfriends tried to help me with my spelling when I was little. Mainly the part where I have to spell the words out loud without looking. Thats how she verified that I remembered how to spell them. Problem was, I have an issue spelling out loud PERIOD. Doesn't matter if I know how to spell it, I just cant do it out loud. Anyways that led her to believing I still didn't know how, so she kept training me. I still cant spell out loud