Hedwig and the Angry Inch Cracked My Egg

[@scripwriter3304]

congrats on the gender king!

[@lynp9996]

The not caring about your body before you realize you aren't cis thing is such a mood.

[@KyleRayner12]

Right? I went from insisting that clothing shopping was an idiotic waste of time and that no one should care what I look like to spending 6 hours a week at the gym lifting weights (mostly to feel better, but a little to look better), worrying about my haircut, and picking up new shirts and jackets whenever I could afford them.

[@smrtfasizmu7242]

too relatable! I wonder how it will change my life when I finally am able to transition, I assume I'll be much less willing to get injured at work

[@TobiasFangorIsntCis]

I never thought I'd care much about my hair's length before I tried buzzing it. Now I'm in love with keeping it short and get nervous whenever it gets longer than a couple inches. Fuzzy head = gender euphoria for me

[@Armunn01]

I wish I realised, well more accepted I was trans earlier in my life. As a cis-guy I had no real care of my appearance, and my wardrobe pretty much consisted of jeans and geek shirts. I wasn't happy being a fat blob of a guy but honestly I didn't really care about myself anyway so didn't matter, and if it caused me to die earlier who cares, right? Coming out and accepting myself has been wonderful for all sorts of reasons but I'm still struggling with that mistreatment of myself, especially my weight. I am taking better care of myself and I look fabulous, but still are overweight and need to exercise more but frightened to do it outdoors because not only being trans but societies treatment of fat women especially when they are exercising. I'll get the weight down eventually but still is hard

[@TobiasFangorIsntCis]

@@Armunn01 it's entirely your own choice to do with your body what you wish, but please remember that fat isn't a dirty word and that being fat isn't a commentary on your health or worth. Exercise is good and healthy, and I'm glad you've been taking better care of yourself, but don't feel you need to push yourself into losing weight.

[@KyleRayner12]

As an autistic trans man, I often wonder what, if anything, the connection between neurodivergence and gender identity is. (We're about 3x more likely than NTs to identify as trans or nonbinary.) My theory is that we're used to feeling a bit disconnected from social constructs and the "supposed to"s of society, so it's a little easier to understand that gender is ultimately artificial and, to some extent, optional. Anyone else want to weigh in? I'm genuinely curious what others in both communities think of the intersection.

[@lalas181]

Oh, it's that totally! Even as concretely a socially-transitioned transman with shaky plans for medical transition and everything, due to the whole Autism thing I still feel okay wearing dresses and/or very obvious makeup. I got kinda floored when someone mistook me for a girl while in a long wig for a Creature cosplay and then backed it up by claiming I was "dressed like a girl" despite cosplaying as _literally straight-up Frankenstein's Monster._ It isn't that I don't know about the Social Rule:tm: of gender, but if anyone was ever gonna grok this messed up abstract concept it sure wasn't EVER gonna be me. Being Autistic 100% affects everything about gender perception, and anyone who says otherwise can bite me.

[@jackynorth9722]

As an ADHD and probably autistic enby, I definitely feel this. I was always confused by social expectations, am bad at not being honest, and have to understand things and not leave them unexamined. Put being trans in there and it was kind of inevitable I would figure it out and come out. Ignoring it or remaining closeted were never really going to happen.

[@Bea-rq1uf]

Hi, i agree! I am autistic and recently figured out that i'm non-binary. I've always felt different than everyone else in an autistic way and i value authenticity extremely highly as well as finding it really difficult to be dishonest with myself or anyone else: it very quickly builds up and affects my mental health a lot. So i guess that helps me to be open about my gender identity, and like you said, already feeling disconnected to social constructs makes it easier to identify outside of them. I also value science and if it makes sense and is the ultimate truth backed up by all of human history, why would i not believe it?

[@popplejam2128]

food for thought: what if there actually *is* about the same amount of ND and NT trans people, but less NTs identifying as such because they are less likely to realize and/or more likely to not say anything (especially if they’re enby, *especially* especially if they’re partially their AGAB). I can totally see an NT AMAB demiboy never knowing the term, never having a problem with being called a guy and therefore never coming out or even realizing.

[@TheAwesomenessOfJay]

Thank you for putting words to the connection between them, I've been wondering for a while myself!

[@yunicelennar7626]

A tiny tip from me: if you accept other people always (each and every LGBTQIAA+ person) but not yourself, if you never question them and their identities, but are on verge of ridiculing yourself - think about them when you feel bad about your identity. Would you be transphobic towards any trans person regardless of how their tran-ness shows? You wouldn’t, so try to treat yourself like you would treat others. I hope this helps others, it helps me everyday with all shades of my queerness and my body issues.

[@DeeVoid404]

Thank you so much for this. I know it wasn't meant for me specifically but it made me cry from happiness. Thank you.

[@yunicelennar7626]

@@DeeVoid404 if you needed that, then it was for you! I'm glad if I'm able to help you. Not accepting yourself feels awful, and if you feel that, I wish you from the bottom of my heart to stop feeling like that. I hope you can feel better.

[@yunicelennar7626]

I got a heart from David, now I'm gonna cry T - T

[@DeeVoid404]

@@yunicelennar7626 You deserve that heart!! And it sure helped me a little!! I want to try to be kinder towards myself even when I don't feel like I have that strength. I wish you all the best too!!

[@yunicelennar7626]

@@DeeVoid404 Aww, thank you! You're lovely. 💜🌈

[@RinkuChan333]

Thank you, I don't see many nonbinary stories that I relate to because I don't really experience any sort of strong dysphoria, and it makes me question my whole reality sometimes like I'm just making it up for attention and taking away from someone else's experiences by using the label. I've recently reached a turning point in my life where I can't really tolerate pretending I'm cis anymore but I still Doubt, but I feel better knowing there's someone else out there with a story I resonate with, so thank you always being so open and vulnerable with your own experiences, it helps

[@yunicelennar7626]

Nowadays, more and more enbies advocate for not seeing dysphoria as an indicator of being enby. So, y'know, we are not alone, and experiencing dysphoria or not is just that, an experience.

[@lexg5317]

Hey i just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I'm also a non-binary person who doesn't experience dysphoria. We might not be the most commonly told experience, but we exist!

[@alekaserrano3669]

Yes! You summed up my feelings perfectly!

[@40GamesAG]

I once heard someone say that the greatest indicator of being trans/non-binary isn’t dysphoria, but the euphoria that comes with living as your authentic self.

[@teamakesitok]

I love the way you spoke about the joy of seeing yourself in a dress. That's exactly how I experience my gender when I wear masculine clothes. Being nonbinary or trans doesn't need to be defined by pain. Gender euphoria is such a powerful and glorious feeling, that's all the proof you need that this is right for you. I'm so happy and so proud seeing you embrace your joy and your identity. 💜

[@EmilyTalksAceStuff]

Gender Euphoria is a wonderful thing!

[@nursoeintyp1745]

Ayy, congrats This is a hard thing to figure out, and everyone should be proud that you did it Now, remember to stay safe and hydrated, get 8 hours of sleep every night and continue being this cute and valid

[@mill_ania]

Pipe p

[@Alina_Schmidt]

There‘s something you have to do to be valid?

[@nursoeintyp1745]

@@Alina_Schmidt no, just continue being it

[@yunicelennar7626]

Hope it's not creepy but I'm so genuinely in love with your mindset ever since I watched your ace video (or the one on masculinity, I watched them one after another). Sometimes people ask each other about a book or a movie that changed your life. I always felt weird about it because how would that work? I never had something like that in my life. However, I do know that finding you brightened my life. I know, it sounds cheesy but just look at your videos, watching them really makes people better. Quite selfishly, I'm happy that you and I share some parts of our identities. It reminds me of what you said about representation in your House video. PS. I love that representation quote so much that I quoted you in the introduction of my MA thesis. (>\\\\

[@yunicelennar7626]

My grammar sucks, ngl.

[@DavidJBradley]

I am sincerely glad my work can have helped at all 💜

[@yunicelennar7626]

@@DavidJBradley💜🌈 :3 Much love to you and your hard work. :3

[@semperfi818]

@@DavidJBradley The person whose comment you answered isn't the only one you've helped, Mr. Bradley: I consistently delight in the genuine warmth, clarity and good sense you bring to your videos, and am impressed and inspired by your openness and honesty. Thank you for the gift of your work here, and for the supportive, inclusive community that it has spawned. (BTW, as another mere human owned by a sensational sable kitteh, I send hugs to Frank, and my Tarbelle sends you both loving, supportive purrs.)

[@wolfonthesteps]

A lot of what you said here is very relatable. I just finally got assessed as being autistic and for the past few years finally had words to express my gender: I'm non-binary and agender/gendervoid. Before that i would use the word androgynous but only if I was drunk enough to be honest. I have always liked werewolves myself as they come and go between the wolf and the human world but their home is neither and that's sort of how I felt about my gender and being autistic before I even knew I was. Loving werewolves was also why I loved that the non binary people in "The Origin of Love" were children of the moon. Frankenstein is also very relatable to how I feel there is a lot of personal reasons I find the monster's tale relatable; being discarded by your creator because you didn't come out right. I hope the anti depressants keep helping and you enjoy discovering more about who you are.

[@hobbytan]

I cried watching this because it mirrored so closely my own experiences of realising I’m non-binary and probably neurodivergent (I keep meaning to ask the GP about that and forgetting). Then I sobbed with joy seeing how you sparkle in your dress and hearing the speech at the end. Thank you. This video, and you, are wonderful, powerful, empowering and beautiful. 💛🤍💜🖤

[@melomenon]

Huge congrats! The bit from 29:30 on was so similar to my own experiences this video would probably have been what cracked my egg if I wasn’t out already. Genuine tears.

[@liebemama1429]

This whole "you need dysphoria to be trans" thing is so stupid, to be honest. I had dysphoria like forever, and I didn't know what else live could feel like. But what actually made me realize that I am non binary was the amazing euphoria I felt when I opened my mind to the Idea that I could be non binary. Also, don't be afraid, you have a community behind you and we are here for you. Even when you feel lonely, remember that you are not alone, there are many trans and non binary people out there and many supporters who will be able to help you if you let them.

[@projectz975]

my gender is a four-man cage match with lots of dangerous looking props, but choreographed by seasoned professionals to keep everyone involved safe

[@Draconis_Eltanin]

I think I may be crying, I resonate to an uncomfortable degree. A good kind of uncomfortable. Thank you for being there. As someone to admire, as flawed but as brave as you present yourself. I wish you all the best.

[@silversam]

"....if it's a phase that I'll get tired of and wish I'd never said to anyone. Who am I to just stake claim to this? I haven't suffered the way *real* trans people have. I don't get to just be that, do I?" From the Frankenstein stuff (turned loose on a world that seems to have no place for you) to the above quote, a lot of this really resonated for me. Thank you for making this!

[@borealmarinda4337]

I was afraid to embrace femininity for way too long, and it would have been far longer if it wasn't for discovering your videos and seeing you embrace and talk about queerness. I wouldn't have felt the joy of painting my nails for the first time last year, buying my first skirt, wearing my first dress in "public". Feeling that I am a woman, that I am non-binary, queer, and happy. And that (especially the skirt) was one of the few things that helped me come out this year and push through this Summer of misery and it is what I have to look forward to waiting for my dx to get hormones. And it means a lot to me. It's hard to express this joy or whatever parasocial vacarious thing it is that I feel over seeing you enjoy that same relief. Actually, the fact that I can't see the screen through tears is probably a good way to say this. I hope you'll have way more to come, and 💛🤍💜🖤 thank you 🖤💜🤍💛

[@ElliCler]

It's interesting that ...hm. You know how the heteronormative perspective on gender is that 'man' = default human, 'woman' = human* with certain modifications. And myself being afab and ehhhh non-binary I've always been attracted to the 'genderlessness' of 'man' and I've always been disappointed to find that masculinity is very much a set of strict rules performances aesthetics. And it's interesting for me to think how the same tendency manifests in amab people. You don't have 'another gender with less Gender' where you could fantasize about hiding. You just have to deal and try to balance out masculinity with femininity in a certain proportion. Maybe this is not your experience and you wouldn't relate? But this is probably how I would've felt had I been amab. So thanks to your video for allowing me to dwell on that. I really wish I could take joy in any gender performance as much as you do, it's beautiful to watch.

[@ellingeng]

As another afab and ehhhh non-binary person, your experience with man being default really resonated with me. I've been toying with labels, but I mostly view myself as cis presenting, because I don't feel much of a connection with "masculinity" as a performance that I'm interested in emulating. I am however finding parts of me yearn for that "default" experience, just as you describe. Between this video and some of the comments, I'm wondering where on the spectrum between demigirl and agender I really fall. Thanks for sharing your perspective!!

[@okuno54]

For me, an amab enby, one of the things that is most distressing for me about manhood is the performativity of it, and how it gets tangled up in homophobia. I feel like I've escaped from a world of drab rigidity into a world where I _can_ engage in colorful and unique outfits. That puts me under a spotlight though, which before coming out, I thought I would hate, but now I actually find enjoyment in solving the puzzle of constructing a set of clothes that makes me feel cute. So, for me it's the opposite of hiding, and if I fantasize about anything, it'd be for more clothes that match my height and fat distribution: basically a world where you can get the same clothes in both the men's and women's departments. tl;dr I don't want to have less gender myself, I want the world to be less gendered

[@Tesseract_King]

Yea. I'm an amab enby and this resonates. I dress pretty feminine (basically Ms. Frizzle) but since I have facial hair, I'm never going to get read as anything other than a guy. (I _like_ my facial hair! Especially since I started estrogen! But I hate how other people see it.) It feels like my only options are "pass as a girl" or "man in a dress" with no fallback or neutral and it's really frustrating at times. But other times it's like hell yeah, I'm soft punk Ms Frizzle with a beard, the fuck you going to do about it?

[@El_the_Dragon]

I once heard someone say that being trans isn’t about gender dysphoria, it’s about gender euphoria, that moment where you look in the mirror and you feel profound happiness or anytime you have that feeling. Thank you for making this.

[@lucyx3008]

ONE OF US ONE OF US ONE OF US ONE OF US can't fuckin wait

[@doublecircus]

ONE OF US ONE OF US

[@elliset27]

I'm gonna parasocial a little here. I love you, I'm proud of you, you look lovely in your dress. You are so brave for living your truth. I found myself crying by the end of the video because I understand that feeling, that joy. It makes all the struggle with it. Thank you for sharing your story. It was beautiful and inspiring. 💚

[@DreamsoundsVideo]

OH YEAH

[@DavidJBradley]

🎶🎵👀

[@Breadroll06]

From an agender/nonbinary ace: wonderful video and congratulations! Hope you continue to experience that joy as you continue to learn and grow into yourself. May the pain, though necessary but difficult, be manageable and helpful on your journey.

[@l-isveryreal4816]

He broke free. And I couldnt be happier for them

[@Mandrake_root]

15:22 "I like caring. I like being me" gaaah. I recently started hrt and my self esteem has skyrocketed. There are only hints of changes so far as it's only been a month, but the fact that I've taken this step towards my comfort has drastically changed how I feel about myself. I advocate for myself more, because since I've already gone to such lengths for my happiness, why would I sit back and let my job screw me over or visit relatives I don't feel like seeing? Before, I was like "eh I can handle this mild discomfort" but now I'm like "there's no reason for me to be uncomfortable in the first place" My happiness is *worth it* . I didn't even realize how much discomfort I was enduring until it was lifted.

[@Aranock]

I am so proud of you my friend, and glad that I have gotten to be a part of your journey and to provide feedback on this video as you worked on it. I appreciate you to the end of the world and love you always💛⚪💜🖤

[@DavidJBradley]

💛🤍🖤💜 Thank you. For being exactly the friend I needed at exactly the time I needed them.

[@tami7992]

Welcome to our ace enby community 💛💟💜🖤 Watched the video now and I want to point something out that I noticed cause it really is offensive, to me at least. You said that you decided that you are non binary or that you want to be non binary... but being non binary doesn't have to do with these things and especially the deciding thing is offensive cause you can't decide that you are non binary. It's not a choice. I feel like I am that I'm misunderstanding something about these phrases, so if I am, please tell me. Edit: I don't think they're not non binary, I just didn't like the language he used.

[@okuno54]

I can't speak for David, but I know it's difficult in my own head to separate out all the ways in which I am from the ways I decided to be. I'll find myself using that sort of language when really I mean "I decided to stop being transphobic at myself", or "I want to be who I am, and not be ashamed of it", or "I want to present on the outside the way I feel on the inside, and society be damned". Parts of it-at the very least embracing your truth, and also coming out-is absolutely a decision. Besides, if like me, you've spent years losing sleep and turning the potential futures-all with a background of doubting myself-the line between realizing and deciding can be blurry. Especially from my limited experience with philosophy, I'm not sure entirely what the difference is (I'm beginning from the assumption that free will is an illusion, which makes it even harder). Well, even if being trans were sometimes a decision, it's _not_ an easy one. It's perhaps something like religion: from the outside it looks like a choice, and perhaps sometimes it is, but then you remember that people have remained steadfast in their faith in the face of persecution, torture, and murder. But you know, I look back on my life, and I didn't experience some of the common trans experiences. In childhood, my assigned gender wasn't uncomfortable; I just didn't understand myself through that lens. I experience dysphoria only very rarely. Long story short, my enby-ness just isn't a thing that has obviously always been there for me, so it feels to me more like a change that I've embraced rather than an inevitability. I relate hard to when David said they could live as a man their whole life, and I wouldn't be surprised if those feelings contributed to their choice of words. Sorry that was a bit of a ramble. I guess I'm just in an introspective mood, which is perhaps not so surprising after watching a video like this :)

[@DavidJBradley]

Hey, it's more about deciding to use those terms for myself, and to try out things with my gender expression. I didn't just decide I was that. More letting myself embrace that portion of myself.

[@tami7992]

@@DavidJBradley I see. I only wanted to point that out cause the language was a little offensive for me. Thanks for answering me and clarifying things and I wish you the best in your life ^-^ I'm also incredibly sorry if my comment was offensive. I didn't want to say that I don't think you're non binary, that would've been rude because you know better who you are than I.

[@John_does]

Congratulations, interested in seeing what it's about

[@urbroz]

Nonbinary Aces unite!

[@anonymously_her7483]

I just go into Hedwig, so I'm very pumped! Edit: After watching the video, I feel very seen as I really relate to David's struggle. I started anti-depressant in April, and have only very recently come to terms with and sit comfortably in my sexuality and gender. I still have my struggles, especially with my appearance, but I'm now very proud and comfortable being a genderfluid (AFAB, any pronouns) lesbian! I hope David and everyone else can find their happiness in themselves too 💙

[@lynh.1214]

Wow. Truly lovely video, great singing, beautiful dresses(yellow looks great on you), nice Frank spotting and a movie I never even heard about before, but still can relate. I am happy for you, and this journey of self discovery you have the bravery to go through. Especially in the UK, then again, things are dire in my country as well. We'll keep on fighting for trans and non-binary rights.

[@alekaserrano3669]

32:16 That really touched me. I feel the same. I’m AFAB, and I never really thought I could be anything else than a woman, and I’ve never felt uncomfortable as one, but I don’t really know what gender feels like, per se. I know I’m not a man, but I don’t feel like I’m 100% a woman. I don’t like the associations that come with it, and I also sometimes wish my body was just like a doll. In the way that, I like how my body looks in clothes that are feminine and androgynous, but I really don’t like what’s underneath. I wish I could just have nothing under. I don’t know if that is due to my aromanticism and asexuality, or just that I resent my reproductive organs, because they cause me physical pain. I also feel really comfortable with the pronouns they/them. But then I feel like what they say in the video. I feel like I’m appropriating the suffering of ‘actual’ trans people, just because they sound good to me. (I know I’m not, it’s just difficult to actually internalize it, as I struggle with anxiety and feelings of being an impostor a lot) Idk I’ve been really confused about my gender lately. I don’t know if anyone will read this, but if you have, thank you for listening to my ranting! Remember that you deserve love, from others and from yourself. I say this, not to be condescending, but because I forget sometimes, and it feels good when people remind me.

[@takotakotakotakotako]

This was really relatable. As an aroace who's having bad brain days pretty often and someone who doesn't really wanna be pushed into either suffocating gender box regardless of my body, aesthetic or tastes. Stay strong, buddy 💜

[@DDendrite2]

Congratulations! Looking forward to see the details in the upcoming video. Edit: The part of the haircuts is so relatable! In fact, I also used to have bad hair and cut it once in a while without styling it. Since I came out as bi, I decided to get an undercut and style it. It looks cool and I stopped caring about whether or not it made me look more feminine.

[@thecatlurking]

If you haven't read A Monster's Notes yet, it's my favorite retelling of Frankenstein from the creature's perspective.

[@TheDiabeticGameMaster]

I hate to be that guy but Hedwig's story actually parallels a nightmarish practice that takes place in some super extreme parts of the Muslim world. There's some strange idea that, while being Gay is against the Quran being Trans isn't. So, a lot of gay men are given the option of being outed by their families and possibly dying... Or they can transition. I know that's not what the film makers were talking about but it is a nightmare that too many are forced to face. If anyones interested there is a documentary called Be Like Others/Transexual in Iran. One of the people isn't even gay, he's just femme but is still forced to transition. It's crazy.

[@EricaDLucas]

EVERY GODDAMN TIME! I say "Hm, David released a 40min video, I don't think I'm in the mood for that right now, but I'll just see the first 5min", and then I can't leave. You start speaking and I'm hooked for however long the video is. And as someone very much in the closet, I always leave wanting scream my queerness as loud as I can, to wear it unapologetically in my sleeve. Thank you.

[@ellieahearn4055]

Wow, at 29:20 I have never seen another trans person named Elodie. Ellie is just a nickname I go by. Feels good to see.

[@mk-aka-morgan8386]

I’m embaressed to say that I had only heard about Hedwig and the angry witch through Sex Education, and as a fellow enby I’m extrememly disappointed in myself. I wanna try watching it with my enby bestie, but I don’t know where to watch it 🥺

[@ace.of.space.]

thank you for sharing this, David. a lot of this resonates with me as a fellow nonbinary (agender in particular) aroace person. addressing the mental health really makes it possible to see yourself and care

[@jacke.7502]

Congratulations! My egg was also cracked during the pandemic! So much time alone with my thoughts... Also, I'm sure you've come across this but putting it out there for everyone, I highly recommend Dr Susan Stryker's 1993 article 'My Words to Victor Frankenstein Above the Village of Chamonix'!

[@crwmy]

YES! This article is so great (but CN for violence, murder) ! I immediatly thought about it when mentioned in the video and happy to find it alreaady got mentioned soon after the video premiered. (Engaing also with your comment to hopefully put it more to the top of the "top comments" ordering

[@les5503]

Yeah, realizing I was aromantic was really what freed me up to question my gender. Once I stopped feeling pressure to attract others, I became so much more aware of my own identity. Happy for you, fellow enby.

[@JayceAmy]

As an ace enby I am so excited to watch this! Love your videos!

[@_gremlinboy]

This is such a good look at how media can help us. And absolutely agree with you on Frankenstein, have you listened to the musical? I'm so attached to it, Adam's (I always call him by the name it seems like he wanted) songs are so powerful and it's so in tune with the original book, even in places where things were cut or changed.

[@Merrick081087]

I felt like you were telling my story at times. I also had my egg cracked by Hedwig. That first Tony performance brought it to me. Then I saw the show with John Cameron Mitchell and Lena Hall. And...that was it, it all just clicked. And here I am, nonbinary and not identifying with any gender. Occasionally feeling like a fraud. But at the end of the day, I'm me.

[@thembill8246]

It wasn't a movie for me, but apart from that, our experiences are awfully similar. Love it, and love you. 💜🤍🖤🤍💜💛

[@TheDopekitty]

Hedwig is such a good movie. I've shown it to a few people and nobody else except my second kid seemed to get it/enjoy it. Turns out I'm trans and my kiddo doesn't identify as exactly cis either.

[@DebraEeyay]

Thank you for making this post. Everything in it is so very relatable to me. I too have felt like some kind of "other." I too felt an amazing joy and tranquility the first time I put on a dress. I too have sung "wig in a box" (albeit with my own lyrics) to myself. Unlike you I would like to express myself to the world as female. The world (with which I must still interact) has said no. Therefore I remain closeted. Too many people (those who neither understand nor want to ) think they have every right to tell me I'm wrong. The world they hold up as ideal, however, is a dystopian place where I and everybody else is told what to be and what to like. I stand against this because I have to. It is mostly posts like this one that help show me I am not alone. Thank you, dear person, for walking with me for a while.

[@AdequateEmily]

Proud of you my friend…and welcome to the club.

[@user-ld6th3vw8e]

For my romanticism class I got to read Frankenstein again, and as the final project I got to write about it and decided to make it about how the creature's inability to find any reflection of his experience in the world he sees or the literature he is exposed to mirrors the queer experience of lacking representation and having to conceptualize ourselves in abstract ways; i tie it into being a nonbinary kid who, not having the vocab for what they felt, was obsessed with The Little Mermaid (Part Of Your World is just so queer, if you want I'll send you the paper on instagram though its not high art) and yeah what you said really resonated. Thank you so much for sharing your experience and i hope youre drinking the Gender Euphoria in, you deserve it monarch

[@SirThinks2Much]

That paper sounds fascinating!

[@havinagoodtime9733]

I COULDNT BE MORE EXCITED

[@gjtgnwph]

Man, if this ain't my exact recent experience... It took a lot for me to just go "fine! I'm a she/they I guess"

[@EtamirTheDemiDeer]

*ONE OF US. ONE OF US*

[@elderflower2133]

YOU LOOK SO FIRE IN A DRESS WOOOO!!!!! Also it’s nice to hear you talk about womanhood in such a respectful way!!!

[@sweetday0-0]

I'm AceAro and the way you talk about your perception of gender and how your little -lack for me- of sexual attraction factors into pushing to ask these questions is pretty much my experience with gender. Also the spending time with the gender you think you are and feeling out of place, like being around people talking about a movie you've only heard of. The only space I ever felt I belonged is a queer space and sometimes I feel inappropriate for that, as someone who can simply hide behind being bad at being cis-straight.

[@oldladytrexarms]

Not aro, but Ac here. I am fine with my gender (minus the whole YAY! Having babies! And Yay! periods! And all the stuff that you're supposedly supposed to get excited about to be a woman) but I have definitely never quite felt like I 100% fit in with people of the same gender outside of my own family members or people in the LGBTQ+ community. I think it's because they deal with the harshness of the world so they're definitely more accepting and open to others whereas people who just accept what is "the norm" according to society don't really seem to understand why we feel how we feel. Like, it's odd how complicated people make it out to be when I simply say I am just not interested in sex.

[@sweetday0-0]

@@oldladytrexarms yeah I think so, like I don't just feel at home only in just NB or Trans masc spaces but queer spaces in general. The gender part is just it pushes me to ask the question with less fear of what it might mean to someone else if you get what I mean. I'm not agenender cause I'm Aroace but I was more willing to explore my gender because I'm eroace if that makes sense

[@kylecoriza]

I needed this so much! Today I skipped my class because I was dealing with one of my depressive episodes. I was listening to Wig in a Box on repeat to cheer myself up. I used to watch Hedwig and the angry inch a lot back when I was a teenager. It shaped me. If anything, the musical taught me that it’s OK to be queer, non-binary, and messy. I am enough.

[@montaltaria8547]

After Abigail and now you, I’m suspicious of anyone who makes a video on masculinity Ps. this is a joke, I don’t mean to demean anyone

[@DavidJBradley]

The 'amab youtuber from the North East of England thinking about their relationship to their masculinity to coming out as trans' pipeline

[@montaltaria8547]

“The master said ‘If I had a nickel for every time an amab KZbinr with a video on masculinity came out as trans, I’d have two nickels, which isn’t much but it’s weird that it’s happened twice’” -Confucius, probably

[@jasonhill8506]

I love watching queer joy

[@LorenaOlafFurter]

this is amazing. im also nonbinary and had this exact fascination with hedwig some years back. it moved me in such a way that you portraid so perfectly, its incredible. thank you for this video, and when in doub be sure your smile really tells everything you need to validate this journey. you rock!

[@antikinetic]

I was not prepared for a sly Tenacious D reference in the first minute of this video. But if I hadn't already been 100% down for an essay about Hedwig making people question gender, that would have sold me.

[@DavidJBradley]

I'm so glad someone finally noticed

[@tabbycat315good5]

Hey David, There are so many comments here I don't know if you will see this...but I wanted to let you know...When I watched this video, about a month a go or so, I couldn't get what you said about being Non-Binary out of my head. Honestly, I don't know why...but what you said just stuck with me, like a voice whispering in the back of my head. I am AFAB, and a grew up in rural, very conservative community, when I was young the idea of questioning your Gender was really forbidden for me. I always told people I was a tomboy because that was as far as I could go so to speak. As I got older I found that I had trouble getting along with a lot of girls growing up. I was often bullied and never really fit in. I much rather would have like to hang out and play with the boys more. But I doubt that it counted as dysphoria. There were some things I liked about being a girl. and yet from time to time I would have fleeting thoughts where I would picture myself as a boy, but I never took them to seriously. As I grew older I began to question wether or not I was really Cisgender Heterosexual and about a year ago I finally came to the conclusion I was Asexual. Btw one of the videos I saw to get a better understanding of Asexual was yours so thanks for those! I have thought about my gender from time to time but I never actually considered I may not be Cisgender. You may laugh at this I thought I was to old, and that you needed to have severe dysphoria. For me I know I'm okay with She/her pronouns lately I've found myself, at least quietly to myself looking at myself and thinking "They" ...There is something about that pronoun...just feels right somehow. I've looked up many terms and definitions and experiences of those of Non-Binary people and the multiple other Trans identities that exist, and one term I really like is gender fluid... I don't know if I'm using the LGBTQIAA+ terms correctly or not, but I Look at them not as labels but rather Adjectives...words that describe me as a person, my experiences, and they way I see myself and the world around me, the more I think and see the term gender fluid used, the more I relate to it. Its a very good way to explain me... I got to be honest, I'm scared to death when I think about all that can go wrong with calling myself Genderfluid. but then I look in the mirror and tell myself "You are They...You are gender fluid..." I really like describing myself like that...It just feels right somehow. I still have so many doubts and there are so many times I feel like, "this is a phase, your just faking it, your too old to be a different gender, what will your family think?" but then there is another voice inside me that says, you know who you are...embrace all of you...let go of the fear..." I have always had an adventurous spirit, maybe my gender is the same, lol. But for really the get a thrill of seeing myself in this new light and the joy I get when I try on more masculine looking clothes (I've only done this a couple times now to be fair) I still like being called a girl, but I don't think that's all I am...not really. I don't think I would have even had the courage to take that step before. Thanks for sharing your experiences! They've helped more than you can ever know. I'm going to try using the pronouns She/They now...and maybe I'll venture into other pronouns as well. Here's to a new adventure!

[@DavidJBradley]

Thank you for this lovely comment. I am always glad if my work can speak to people and help them. Hope you enjoy exploring more of yourself.

[@manwright8679]

Anyone who is just taking citalopram for the first time (or first time in a long time), If it seems to stop your "bad brain days" and does that great thing it does that just says "NOPE" to those depressive thoughts, but your ***body*** still feels the pain of depression that you can't quite shake; first, try exercise before asking to have your dose increased. I tried to explain to my psych that my head was starting to feel okay but my body still felt depressed and she just didn't understand what I was talking about. I think if you've been experiencing chronic depression, you also get bodily depression (stress, chronic pain, uneasiness, etc.) building up that the citalopram doesn't quite touch. What finally did it for me was the combination of citalopram and exercise (walking and yoga in particular). It really doesn't have to be intensive workout or anything, I think just even the act of moving your whole body around and breathing deeper is helpful. I know not everyone is the same, but I hope this helps someone who feels "Well from the neck on up, I feel fine; but from the neck on down, I feel like crap." / "My body feels like crap, but at least my brain isn't processing it like it's depression even though I know that's what it must be." At first I felt kind of helpless when my doctor didn't understand what I was talking about, but now that I've figured this out, I'll tell anyone that will listen because it was honestly a game changer for me.

[@manwright8679]

I should clarify: I'm not talking about gender dysphoria when I'm talking about bodily depression. That's something different that you have to deal with in other ways (eg. hair style you feel right with, HRT, affirming surgeries, and whatever its going to be for you)

[@Cobalt1917]

A tasteful Tenacious D reference, thank you.

[@itisALWAYSR.A.]

Watching this seven months later, thank you for this self-disclosure and self-examination. Personally, I am yes-binary; for me, being a man means defining what "man" means for me and going with that, including chucking out the bits of mandom that don't work for me. So I cannot really comment on the enby stuff, but respect you for going on that journey, even if it's me speaking as an outsider looking in. And I'm grateful for a further insight. And hoping the adhd diagnostic pathway works for you: I'm waiting on this too (it's months in now and feels like a download progress bar on Windows 95 sometimes). I don't know if you're also looking at other neurodiversity stuff (I'm not armchair diagnosing; I don't have that right), but sometimes other stuff like ASD and the various dys-conditions have a lot of overlap, and how they inform a person's reaction to anxiety is gradually becoming better understood. Also, can I just say, 10/10 on the production of this video? Damn you shot it so well.

[@CapriUni]

[content warning for discussion of disability and eugenics below the "read more"] My favorite quote from _Frankenstein, or the New Prometheus_ (Spoken by Adam [the monster] in the last few pages): "Once I falsely hoped to meet with beings who, pardoning my outward form, would love me for the excellent qualities which I was capable of unfolding." I love that; *not* "Love me for the excellent qualities I have Now," but "Love me for being able to *Grow* into Something Wonderful." At least, at the end of the film, Hedwig is shown in the process of that unfolding. And here's a wish to you, David, that you continue to find joy in your excellent qualities, as they unfold. I have a congenital physical disability that's visible from 50 paces, and I, too, saw myself reflected in the story of the monster and his attempts to find a community of support, as soon as I read the actual novel at university. My discomfort with the story, however, comes from how the rejection of the monster is portrayed as *inevitable* and how that also inevitably drives Adam into his murderous revenge spree. Mary Shelley was a product of the societal norms she's criticizing, so I don't blame her for writing that. But that's exactly the argument behind the American Eugenics movement that peaked about 100 years ago: Severely disabled children will never be loved, this will make them antisocial, and a danger, so it's better to withhold care, and let them die (a softer version of this logic is still floating around when it comes to reproductive health.

[@blue-guymaster5121]

So happy for u! :] The video was great, especially the editing. Made me real emotional on some parts, im still on my journey and you described pretty well how I feel sometimes, it can be lonely, knowing that there are other people out there like me just makes me happy. :]

[@mattimoodle5160]

Congrats from one he/they non-binary person to another x That's such a pretty dress, you look amazing

[@facelesscat1138]

You look amazing in your dress! I teared up when you talked about how happy you felt wearing it! And I loved seeing you so happy!

[@victory8928]

0:40 Something that caught me here, honestly. This is one sentence kinda expresses my gender identity so far, like, for me whenever I question myself about this, I always stop at that part. I really have no idea about what gender is, what it feels like and how would I even know if I feel like. Sometimes I like imagining and trying out more feminine stuff or go more androgynous but never masculine. But I like the feeling of having a beard, especially those bushy or long sage ones, but I never liked the idea of other more masculine stuff. Yet I still have no idea what I want for my gender identity, so I push it to the way side. Honestly, I wonder if I am just agender or genderfluid or maybe a demi, but I don’t know. Anyhow, I am glad you found yourself in more clearer detail and are in a better place mentally.

[@beckyginger3432]

Is that the actor who plays the gay nazi on the good fight?????

[@miratarnish6316]

There's something I almost feared about this video, how I could just tell what was coming up, and just as I thought many of my own specific struggles and recently thoughts resemble your's, I'm kind of jealous tbh of your conclusion. You're gorgeous as a host for your content, and I've already clung to your asexuality videos for comfort in hard times before too as I struggled to accept that aspect, and with the amount of time that it took to start embracing something like asexuality I can sense I may be on the path to embracing gender diversity too. This video almost felt like mind-reading, people like you help us feel seen and clarified.

[@itscodyelliot]

This is an absolutely wonderful video essay and coming out video 🖤💜💛 thank you for sharing yourself with the world. You are valid and wonderful!

[@VoiceofKane3]

David, how do you always manage to put into words how I'm feeling? I've been trying to come to terms with my own gender and gender performance lately, too

[@vasil3ubr33]

Thank you for coming out and sharing your perspective. It's intimidating to share such a big thing about yourself, with so many people. I am closeted enby and live in a country where even the language is heavily gendered, it's impossible to refer to myself without misgendering myself, not without doing some tiresome linguistic acrobatics. The part about presenting as your asigned gender, and how it wouldn't be the worst, but it wouldn't bring you joy... That really speaks to me. Thank you. I'll try to remember the joy when things seem impossible again.

[@testosteronic]

!!! Nonbinary? Me too!!!

[@testosteronic]

:( I'm not going to be able to watch this til at least Sunday night

[@MantasticHams]

I think the arguments about the "botched transition" are totally valid, just to preface all this, and I'm a NB leftist. Something i think a lot of people disregard is that there WERE issues with psychologists improperly diagnosing transgender that were prominent in the news at that time, there was even a lifetime movie i watched with my mom about it. The argument was that the kids were intersex and needed to be change to the "proper" gender physically in order to fit in, and we know now that that just isnt the case. However, all that said, Hedwig did muddle this narrative even further and i don't think this exact "botched surgery for green card marriage" scenario was likely ever real. Basically i think Hedwig has the same problem as most great transgressive art which is that it becomes both timeless and inextricably marred by the specificity of its time. At the time we needed someone who was loud and arrogant enough to say what noone else would say, and that person was always likely to make these same mistakes. Time is a fickle beast.

[@SM-cs2my]

i am also ace and aro, and your relationship with masculinity and androgyny sounds very similar to my relationship with femininity and androgyny. i'm not a woman, but i'm not not one too. thank you so much for this video

[@anarchart2216]

As a ace/aro non-binary transman, (feel I am more masculine, but then at the same time not) I myself relate to alot you say here. Specially about the disconnect with sex being tied to masculinity. I don't think dysphoria is a requirement to be trans. I think it's about being true to yourself, and if that means not fitting in the box you were born in, then that's it. Trans-ness is about maximizing happiness and self acceptance. Congratulations!

[@ndelaney8826]

this made me feel so deeply. i haven't felt so understood by a stranger on the internet in a long time. this entire video was so eloquent and compassionate and raw and i appreciate it more than you know. thank you for sharing these parts of yourself so honestly and unfiltered

[@beefromashroom]

Back when this video was new, I think I wasn't fully identifying as non binary. I was toying with the idea for maybe about two years already, but it took me a long time to fully accept that. So maybe your video didn't exactly crack my egg, but it helped me stop ignoring the cracks that were already there and embrace them. I still feel that impostor syndrome as you talked about it near the end, I fear that it may be a phase and I'd regret telling anyone, that I'm not "trans enough" to be a part of that community since I don't really intend to change much about myself and I like most of my appearance. But then I think of the joy of using masculine language about myself, of looking in the mirror and noticing that in certain light my face looks masculine, the excitement of drawing a cartoonish mustache on my face as a part of my makeup, it all makes me so happy I know my identity is real. And honestly, even if it does change in the end in some years, I'm still happy to live my life as a non binary person now

[@styleissubstance]

It's not by cisgender men. Both of the creators came out as non-binary a few years ago lol.

[@DavidJBradley]

John Cameron Mitchell didn't come out as non-binary until a while after this video came out. As for Stephen Trask that's just a fuck up on my part

[@renata_of_the_craft]

I wanted to give this video a heart ❤️ not just a thumbs up, though a thumbs up is a tiny little bit what I can express. As a trans woman I had huge issues with Hedwig, both the film and the show for the reasons you mentioned and more. I was so positively surprised of your inclusion of your love of anything Frankenstein, something I don't fully share but very much understand, i am the Monster, or at keast I became the Monster when I insisted that I was trans to a family of religious bigots. I have left them behind and their religion, I have chosen my own Gods, ancient ones, I've chosen Them with care, they are monsters and mothers of monsters too. Fabled to bring on the end of the worlds in my particular pantheon and belief system. And considering where the world stands, teetering on the abyss through environmental abuse and neglect, my beliefs don't seem to be without a strong basis in reality... i have my own mental health to deal with in addition to my Gods. Ill now dig out the soundtrack for the angry inch, might even trow the dvd in the machine...if. I do the latter I'll try not to get too hung up about the too many issues the film is plagued with .... A big thank you though for this video which must have been difficult but I hope has given you many rewards, even though you could have lit the scenes with the yellow dress just so much better 😜

[@doctorteethomega]

Shout out to anyone who saw Hedwig 20 years ago in the world we had back then. And yeah... just yeah.

[@edgyspaceunicorn7215]

I can’t watch this video, too many triggers for me. However I am wiring this comment in hope of it boosting the algorithm however little it can, because I can tell just from the first few minutes that this is an amazing and important video.

[@codygoodnight1851]

One of the most inspirational videos I’ve seen in a while. Love you, David!

[@deetlebee]

I honestly relate to your expressed experiences here so much. Coming to terms with my agender/non-binary gender, my realization that I'm ADHD/Autistic, the acceptance of my asexuality, dealing with chronic depression. The only thing that I wish I could relate more was finding a med that worked...I'm on drug number 14 and moved from my GP to a psychiatrist. I'm 38 and it has been a constant trial. It is so hard to keep trying sometimes. But I know there is hope. That there will be a day when I can just enjoy life. Accepting my lack of gender and playing with gender expression has been a huge help. My wife(who is an allosexual trans-woman) has helped me tremendously with coming to terms with both my gender and my differences in libido(etc). I am not ashamed. I am not afraid of disappointing this important person in my life. I'm not being pressured to do something I do not enjoy(like a certain ex of mine). That is a lot of words to say thank you for sharing your story. Hearing someone with a similar experience to myself made me feel less alone.

[@leemartin6409]

This is lovely. YOU are lovely. I wish you freedom and peace.

[@jentzi23]

I saw this movie years ago with mom, it was showing late on a tv channel, channel 4 I think. I loved it. So many emotions while watching. And last year I finally realised I'm agender. I've always felt alien and neither "man" nor "woman" made sense to me. The idea that a person can't do a thing that they clearly can do bc of an idea that "persons of X gender shouldn't"-blaha is so strange to me, I never vibed with it. I think the pandemic gave space to think on these things without interruption. I had to face the unhappiness I felt around being seen as AFAB and how it actually impacted me and I had nothing to distract myself with to escape how I felt. I think you should have all the dresses you want. Everyone should. With pockets!

[@JDMimeTHEFIRST]

I’m still waiting to be diagnosed with ADD to get meds I desperately need to function. Antidepressants don’t work for me. I’m hoping ADD meds will. I’ve already been diagnosed with autism late at 35 after CPTSD, anxiety, suicidal ideation, depression, etc

[@wendys_lemonade2459]

I’m so happy for you. I’m SO SO happy for you. I haven’t resonated with something this much in a hot minute. thank you so so much.

[@gozerthegozarian9500]

While the name Hedwig is generally a feminine 1st name in Germany, it can also be a masculine 1st name & is, albeit rarely, given to boys, too, making it technically a nonbinary name. It's derived from Old High German "Haduwig", "hadu" and "wig" both being words for "battle", "fight", "wrestle" or "war", which, given Hedwig's struggle with her own identity, could almost be an intentional Easter egg by the writers, if one wished to give them credit for that LOL.

[@VerbenaComfrey]

i am crying all my carefully applied eyeliner off this morning before work. This video, and you, are beautiful.

[@insertlaughter]

Im so glad to see you becoming happy with yourself and learning to do your hair. Hedwig was formative for me. My late (found) uncle Ken was an amazing, loud, beautiful person. He showed this film to me. He talked me through a lot of it, im younger, and didnt understand a lot of it at first. He talked me through it. The love, the desire, the self discovery. Her journey is everything. We went on to watch To Wong Foo, and Pricilla and so many more queer centric films. Im so glad i had this. He meant the world to me. Im so happy in my heart that i had Ken to walk me through this. It helped me discover things about myself i dont think id ever have realized without him. Midnight Radio was his favorite. It always gives me power and love and just warm fuzzies in general. By the way, your dress looks amazing. Dont let your impostor syndrome mess with you. Youre you. Thats all anyone can expect. Youre amazing.

[@spideylj]

I really appreciated the link you made between asexuality and gender - I've been having similar feelings about the connection between being aromantic and trans masc non-binary.

[@chunellemariavictoriakespa7905]

4:55= How much are they? Frankly, I am not sure if I could... Its a fear in me, really... If I sign up & they'll know the full extent of my darkness & destruction plus my Psych problems (I know I have), they'll treat me as a disappointment. That I'll be adding problems to the fam again. My dad just died & my mom does not have a job yet. In my first sem during my first year (this was before the pandemic), my counsellors suspected I have depression but when I was sent to the psych, well... My schedules don't line up with the doctor I am sent to. Now I am a third year student... Admittedly, its destroying me as I don't know how to deal with me & next year I'll be taking my board exam... And I barely studied... As if there is no life & meaning to things...

[@danika5696]

To address the idea that so many people ask “but what if it’s a phase?” What if it is? What if you’re happy this way today and in 5 years something else makes you happy? We grow, we change, we learn more about ourselves. If this is a phase it doesn’t matter because it’s making your life more positive. It is complicated and hard but you’re spending your whole life befriending yourself and if today you’re happy as a non-binary person you’re non-binary enough

[@TheSpudHero]

Thank you. I've never heard someone describe exactly how I feel about my gender, insecurities and everything. This brought me to tears. I don't feel so alone about this anymore.

[@MichaelChong100]

I don’t know if you know it or not David, but James Cameron Mitchell came out as non-binary a few months ago, so CONGRATS TO THEM!

[@storyspren]

The way you describe your relationship to your assigned gender and the doubt about "really being trans" resonates with me so deeply. You just had much better words than I've been able to find. If I didn't already know that I'm nonbinary, I would be wondering about it now, but since I do know, I don't have to wonder. Instead, I get to feel real and seen, and much more confident in claiming my identity. Because now I know that I'm not alone, that there's other nonbinary people who feel this way. There's also something weirdly poetic about this coming from an ace creator, since the ace community helped crack my egg a couple years back. Much love, sib 💛🤍💜🖤 P.S. now I know what movie I'm watching next

[@theothertonydutch]

I also started exercising but I don't get the endorphin thing, which makes it really hard to motivate myself. For a lot of motivation, I require the help of a coach. I'm still figuring those things out at 36.

[@mik5136]

Mazal tov on the gender, welcome, and thank you for this video, I see myself in a lot of it! Have you read Susan Stryker 'My Words to Victor Frankenstein above the Village of Chamounix'?'