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Scared for my Future on Motorcycles. I feel like I need to explain this video. FIRSTLY, I am by no means depressed, or sad, or upset. I just wanted to share a more raw version of myself and how motorcycling can affect my mood. Okay, the explanation: This is the first time I have ever really shown such emotion during a motovlog. I should also mention that I almost didn't publish this video. But at the end of the day, I wanted to share the raw feelings that come with just being a normal human. I started this day off not feeling happy, and not sad. More of a melancholic mood than anything. I didn't want to go ride. I didn't want to record. And I didn't have to. But after sitting in a zombie like state for over three hours, I decided to get off my butt and go ride. Only planning to turn the camera on if I felt like it. Before I knew it, I was heading down nostalgic roads. All while feeling anxious about how much gas I was using... Why I wasn't home editing, and when I was going to feel inspired again. After about 15 miles with the cameras off, I decided to turn them on and just wait to see what would come. A good 5 minutes of dead air passed before I said a single word.
Then it happened. That feeling started seeping back. The calmness that comes when you're spending time with an old friend. The ease of speaking to the camera knowing I am speaking to you. I felt myself letting my guard down. Feeling a little more emotional. Talking about the things I have been struggling with and feeling like I was back to my first couple videos. Then it hit me. The feeling of going back. Way back. Over 20 years back. To my childhood running barefoot around those gorgeous country roads. Alone.
It got me. I was not prepared for those memories. And it was amplified by being in it, out there on two wheels. Fully immersed in the sights, sounds and smells. I just lost it. I still don't know why I started crying, but it felt right. It felt like mourning. Remembering an age when things were actually so bad, they felt good. Realizing that positive thoughts and happy memories cloud out the bad ones. Make you forget the struggles.
That's exactly how riding motorcycles makes me feel. Wholly present. Perfectly aligned with myself and the world around me. It changed my mindset and snapped me back to my existence in the present. I proceeded to ride for an additional three hours. Not caring about gas prices, the KZbin Algorithm showing my channel to new viewers, the cost of maintenance to travel long distances, and especially the expectation to produce a top quality video.
I was just me. Alone. Existing. And it felt perfect.
I typically NEVER type this much in a description. (Like, never. this is the first time) But I felt so compelled to peel back the curtain. Show others that bad days are real. They are detrimental and they are normal. "This too shall pass" I came home feeling like a new person. So please, don't fret the pressure to always show up, to be present and to feel like you HAVE to perform every single day.
Anyway... I love you. Be Good and thanks for watching.
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