I'm 26 and failing at life

[@daliawinters1072]

Even though my life looks pretty different from what you're describing I also feel like I am failing at a lot of things in my life right now and seeing you talk openly, honestly, and also hopefully about that helps me feel less alone

[@HexaAngel]

I'm very glad this video brought some comfort. That was part of the goal. Wishing you well for your journey 💕

[@emmamcclellan8272]

I'm so glad you want to make enough money to vacation where you choose & live the kind of life you want. My bad coping mechanisms for anxiety landed me in a place where I had no dreams/aspirations; I didn't dream of a cute studio apartment or buying cute clothes or traveling the world. You said you dream of being creative for work, I really hope you're able to make that a reality, maybe be open to unexpected paths to get there.

[@HexaAngel]

Thank you so much for your encouragement! And I hope you can also make it back to a place where you feel like it's okay to dream of those nice things. I believe you and I can both have them 💖

[@emmaarnesty-good789]

Crazy how perspective works. I’m sitting here feeling envious that you live in Germany! Keep betting on yourself. Can’t wait to see what you notice in the village where you live!

[@MagisterialVoyager]

same. i wish i live in a village in germany, but instead i live in a heavily populated part of asia. it's not terrible, but i do dream of escape, if you will.

[@HexaAngel]

Haha, the village life is not so bad. There are many nice things here that I try to "romanticize". The fresh air and the local farms are nice. But there are also many negatives. Few job opportunities, very limited public transportation, a supermarket that is closed on Tuesday, Wednesday, Sunday, and half of Saturday. Many people are very politically conservative, and it's just difficult in general to find common ground and make friends.

[@MagisterialVoyager]

@@HexaAngel i feel you, bestie. i had the opportunity to went on a holiday for a week in a remote part of australian countryside. it was absolutely lovely, the weather, the hills, the farms, and all the cute shops with local products, but also i had no car and the bus came every 30-45 minutes. but i think one of my biggest fear if i were to live in a European village would be the racism (considering the conservatives), because i'm very visibly asian. (´;︵;`)

[@HexaAngel]

@MagisterialVoyager I can't speak much to racism in small town Europe, since as a white person I experience much less of it. But from what little I have observed, I would say most of it is quite subtle and adults are not so bold in expressing such attitudes (depending on where you live). But children and teenagers can be assholes, with pulling their eye corners and making "ching chong" jokes. Just very bad and pathetic behavior from small-minded little shits, unfortunately. People are most critical of foreigners who they feel have not "integrated" (which I do think is inherently racist in itself as an expectation). They will roll their eyes at Arabs for being too loud, or personally I've heard people muttering under their breath "this is Germany, speak German" while I was having a conversation in English with a friend. But if you speak good German and behave like the Germans do and don't stand out too much, then you get treated more respectfully. My advice before traveling/moving somewhere is just to look up their recent election results online. If it's a place with high concentrations of right wing party voters, that's not somewhere you want to live as a foreigner.

[@PandanRed888]

You have a really colorful life and I can relate a lot with the struggles you mention about international school. So sorry to hear about your struggles, but given all the context I think you can hold your head high. It must have been very difficult and yet you so clearly still have your head on your shoulders and can think rationally and clearly about what has impacted your mental state. Many people fail to have such clarity. Unsure if it would be the content you would like to make, but it would be very interesting to hear about your life growing up in China and all the unique things you experienced. I think there is a huge appetite for that kind of content on the travel side of KZbin. It seems like a foundational part of your identity so content that draws from it I think could have legs. Good luck!!!

[@HexaAngel]

Thank you so much for your kind comment. Especially the "head held high" part. It's hard not to feel like a loser, but I appreciate you suggesting that it's not so black and white. Therapy and self-awareness has helped me immensely. It's still a work in progress, but I'm slowly changing in ways that I do think are positive. I would love to do more content about China! I don't want it to be my only "thing", because I also want to move forward with my life, and at the end of the day it was just something I kind of got swept up in by chance, not something I created for myself. But yes, it is a big part of my identity and I hope I have some valuable knowledge I could share with others. Thanks again for reaching out!

[@nostalgia_junkie]

very strange times we live in. i wonder how much this kind of "i am stuck and not developing" feeling is particular to our era or if it's timeless. regardless, glad you have clarity and some smidgen of peace(?) over everything you've been through. you are not a failure! (whatever that means from an internet stranger)

[@MagisterialVoyager]

i would bet it's timeless. i read writings from various eras - of sylvia plath, of virginia woolf - and i feel their fear of "not being great" too. sylvia plath literally said that her biggest fear is to be "useless"; educated, pretty, and whatnot... but "useless".

[@HexaAngel]

I think it's a mix of both. On one hand, young people have probably always been a little bit lost and misunderstood. On the other hand, the modern world presents unique challenges. There's the paradox of choice: people used to just do what their parents did, and their future was all laid out for them. But nowadays we know so much, see so many possibilities through the internet and social media, that it makes it harder to choose what to do. On top of that, there's also the cost of living crisis, and the fact that these technological advancements we've had in the last 1-2 centuries that massively increased productivity were supposed to make life easier for everyone, but instead are just widening the wealth gap and accelerating overproduction and pollution, while the average person works the same long hours and has even less to show for it than their parents and grandparents. So it feels like, what is even the point? Thank you for the kind words. The "I'm a failure" feeling is still here, but so is the hope and confidence that I won't feel that way forever. I'm finding peace through the acceptance of reality, and seeking the strength and courage to change the things I want to change.

[@alicedeemo3494]

I'm also in a very similar place as you. I'm 26, still living at home with my mom, and it feels like I have no direction in life. I'm lucky to have a somewhat decent job rn but it's still technically part time (tho I do pick up shifts when I can) so I average 1800 a month but Im in deep credit card debt. I'm in a program rn thats offered free to people living in California but I'm lazy and dont put the time I should be into it. Yet, I'm counting on this course to help get my life where I want it but Im not doing the work. I feel like i have this habit of self sabotage and I dont know how to break it.

[@alicedeemo3494]

all that to say that I constantly feel like a failure at life as well and I genuinely feel that to my bones. I should be 100 percent independent and thriving at life but I'm not and it makes me feel hopeless about my future

[@HexaAngel]

Oof, I really relate to the self-sabotage part. It feels that way for me constantly. I work so little yet still feel so tired all the time, and I notice myself when I'm just sitting there wasting time when I could be building something instead. It's tough. I'm not in the best position to offer advice, since I'm still struggling myself, but I will say that hope is very important, therapy can help if you're able to get access to it, and try to remember that past failures are not predictive of your future. You can change at any time, you can choose to do better at any time. Don't give up. Just keep moving forward, keep trying things and brainstorming ideals until the pieces fall into place.That's all you can do.

[@alicedeemo3494]

@@HexaAngel I try my best to hold onto hope. It’s hard but I’m not always a pessimist. Thank you for the advice. I’ve wanted to get therapy but I can’t afford it 🫤 but hopefully one day I can get it. Though I often feel that by the time I can afford it, I won’t have the problems that are causing me to need it anymore. Which is a vicious cycle 😵‍💫

[@Rubyoreo]

I’m 25 and a half and just started a teaching program and am realizing I don’t want to do this. I’m just wasting 7K and another year of life till I can enroll in something I like more. I feel like I won’t achieve anything ever.

[@HexaAngel]

Ugh, that sucks that you feel like the teaching path won't work out for you. I hope at least it still gives you some experience that will be helpful in other areas of life! And hey, at least you're doing something. Something is better than nothing. Shows you have the drive to keep going and find your path forward. Good luck with everything!

[@jefferyalpha803]

I think narrowing down what you want to do with teaching could be helpful. There are so many options involving teaching these days that are not traditional. There are options for teaching online education and tutoring, educating educators, coaching, becoming an intervention specialist, etc. You can teach where you are or abroad. What you are doing is not a waste if it will help you get to where you want to be.

[@catsrule100]

26 is still really young. I started training for my career when I was 23 and I was broke until my early 30s. My top tips for you are to focus on your true skills and to use multiple skills. Eg I ended up having 3 different jobs. It is good for the mind plus it means if something fails or a company goes bust then you have something else to fall back on. You are a confident speaker. Have you thought about becoming a counsellor for other people or children dealing with various mental health issues. You would be amazing as you have first hand experience. Speaking 3 languages is a skill. I love languages but I am only fluent in one. How about teaching Chinese or English from your house? One to one tuition with children or adults? Maybe teaching basic Chinese on KZbin? I would love that. How about volunteering at a charity shop for a few hours a week just to get your confidence up? Volunteer in a school or kindergarten? That would be a great way to learn German from children. Plus do your videos as well. Offer editing services as well as photography. You are more talented than you think. I wish I was 26 again.........

[@HexaAngel]

Thank you for your thoughtful suggestions. To answer your questions: 1. Counseling/therapy is a path I have certainly considered going down. At the moment, I still have trouble committing to longterm plans. The thought of going through so many years of education and training seriously intimidates me. But it could well be something for the future if I ever feel up for it. 2. I have done a bit of English tutoring when I first moved to Germany, and when I lived in China. I'm happy to do it, but there's also no shortage of English tutors with actual degrees and much more experience than me, so I can't charge much for it and I kind of feel like a fraud because I'm more of a conversation partner than a tutor. I don't have the knowledge to teach like a professional. 3. As for Chinese, I would definitely do it for KZbin. I've thought long and hard about doing it sometime, just haven't bitten the bullet. Again, it's a case of skill. My spoken Chinese is intermediate, my reading/writing is basic. I'm not fluent by any means, as I studied mostly in English. I could teach some basics, especially because my pronunciation is very good since I started learning Chinese so early in life. But there are others (like my mom) who actually know what they're doing and could do much better. So the impostor syndrome is still there. 4. I'm not looking into volunteer work right now, but I'm definitely interested in at least getting some part time work. It's just hard to find something that fits my lifestyle since right now I'm back and forth between 2 cities and I'd have to find something that's pretty flexible. I might look into it more seriously in the new year. 5. Video editing, definitely, if I improve my skills I could offer it. Admittedly, editing is my least favorite part of the creative process (compared to ideation, photography, filming, actually creating the set and the visuals) but it is something I can and should improve on. Anyways, I really appreciate the vote of confidence, the gentle suggestions, and hearing a small part of your story. I'm still a work in progress but it's nice hearing from kind and thoughtful people like you :)

[@catsrule100]

@@HexaAngel I think a lot of people just want to learn the conversation side of a language rather than going through all the formal learning. I myself love languages and they were my favourite subjects at school and college. I started a degree in Spanish and German but it wasn't for me as German was the least favourite of my languages. I found it the most difficult despite people saying it is easier for us Brits. I much prefer Spanish, Portuguese, French and Italian. My point is that I learnt so much Spanish just from going to Spain and being forced to converse with the Spanish family I was staying with. My boyfriend learns more from me just talking the odd phrase than he ever did at school. You have amazing skills speaking 3 languages. Ps I agree editing is annoying as I have done some myself so I feel your pain. 😂

[@HexaAngel]

That has been my experience as well. I've learned much more from my interactions with other people than from language learning apps or courses.

[@NullUser-z1v]

Hi Hexa. You may not remember me anymore, but I was your schoolmate from the same school you studied in China. We once chatted in the school before, which you may not remember, but it was a wonderful memory to me of my high school days. I am also thinking about my life in the past ten years and I found that the most impressive time I had was at that time in middle school. Because my English was not good enough at the time and it was hard for me to keep up with the progress of many courses, I repeated a grade for a year. So I had a deep sense of inferiority at that time, and I also faced some hostilities from my classmates because of the repeatation. But there were maybe also other reasons, so... Yeah. (I did a lot of immature things at that time.) So that's why I saw talking with you as a very happy memory, and I actually saw you as a friend at that time. You gave me some encouragement even when you didn't notice. I thought you were very awesome when we were in high school, and I still think you are very awesome now. 👍👍👍

[@strawberrypudding7729]

Yeah I've did the same. I am 26 years old too and I feel like waste my 20s. I think it happens to all of us.

[@shatharobeidat]

I clicked on this video cause I saw you were my age and I wanted to see how you defined wasting your 20s and how our journeys are similar. I just want to say, from the sounds ot it, you had more obstacles than opportunities, you should be proud of yourself of how you were able to push through, I do believe if you were presented with similar opportunities to your peers you would have made it much further, and I really feel like you shouldn't blame yourself for your circumstances, because what you went through is really rough. I had my first real job at 26 too, and I moved out of my parent's house and moved countries alone around my 26th birthday, it's been close to a year since then, on my 27th birthday everything is going to kick in about how everything has completely changed. I also had (and still have) severe anxiety and I'm still struggling to find therapy, but I can tell you that with your determination and positive mentality about this, that things will change for the better, and you'd be better equipped to handle the anxiety, im slowly getting myself up there, and you are too ❤

[@HexaAngel]

Thank you so much for sharing your story! I'm glad things are starting to move in the right direction for you, and good luck with getting therapy! I know it can be a struggle, but it will be worth it. You're so brave for moving abroad on your own! I'd like to do it too, but have no idea where to start. But first I just gotta focus on making more money. That opens many doors. Thanks for commenting!

[@Magicwizard-et7hs]

I actually enjoyed listening to you

[@anaflorina5271]

im also a romanian who lived abroad and was surrounded by really wealthy ppl so i relate a lot to this

[@HexaAngel]

Thanks for sharing! Where did you live?

[@RR-wk6lx]

Your video just popped up on my feed. I’ve never watched you before . My advice as a person who was 9 years in depression, moved from my home country Bulgaria when I was 19 and now i’m 25 . Up until last year I felt Like I just existed. My depression was over when I turned 18 . Now I feel I just began , after all the problems…. Now I would mention astrology and how it helped. All of us have a purpose in this world, karma , lessons and transformations . Each planet response for something. Venus- the way you love , Mars - the way you act , Mercury the way you communicate , the Sun is the way people see you , the Moon is our actual side Saturn is your teacher, so whatever house is in it’s highlighting what is your biggest life lesson. You have Rising Sign and that is your actual sign. You have something called South and North Node . The South is our past / karma from the previous life and the North is the future. Whatever your North Node is your mission in life . Type in Birth Chart and check what are yours . Go to KZbin and start watching videos for each of them . There are lots of astrologers talking about this things . I would continue in the comments under this one . ❤️

[@RR-wk6lx]

In astrology you have 12 houses and each of them is “responsible “ for part of our life “. Let’s say your Venus is in Cancer in your 1st house . Type it in on KZbin and watch for all of your planets . You would understand a lot about your self. Everything negative that happened in your life or things that you hate about yourself suddenly would make sense.

[@RR-wk6lx]

In astrology you have 12 houses and each of them is responsible for a part of your life.

[@RR-wk6lx]

1 House - The Impression you make on others ( your rising sign) 2 House - The talents you possess to make money from / you can also look for your Mars sign placement or your 10 H ( the house of the career) 3 house -The type of environment you do best 4 House - Ancestral Karma you are here to heal/ Represents the house of the mother 5 House - The Things that brings you the most joy / Represents the house of your children 6 House - The perfect Morning Routine for you 7 House - What you need in relationship/ Represents your partner 8 House - What you get the most anxious about 9 House - Where your idea formed about God / Represents the house of the father 10 House - Best Career for you 11 House- If you want to become viral/ The house of community, colleagues and friendships 12 House ( Super Karmic House ) If you want to understand about the hidden parts of you .

[@RR-wk6lx]

Before we come to Earth we choose our family , pets and we know what we need to learn in this life and bad stuff we are gonna get through. We have the specific Rising Signs Because is going to heal our Saturn.

[@RR-wk6lx]

Saturn We have something called Saturn Return.What is that ?! Basically the planet goes back to the same place where it was when you were born. It happens Around 27-30 , then we have a second one around late 50 I believe. When you have Saturn Return, you are basically starting a new life. Maybe you start a family, get fired from your job, make a drastic change in your appearance. For different people is different things .

[@balzoemg8415]

You didn’t waste anytime in your 20’s. You’re still very young. Wait until you’re in your 30’s & 40’s. You’ll realize how young your 20’s were.

[@HexaAngel]

It's not that I think I'm "old", but I think other people do a lot more in their 20s. Like sure, they might mess up and they might not have their shit together, but at least they do a lot of things. I feel like I've spent a lot of my 20s stuck in the same place, so that's scary. I hope it changes soon.

[@balzoemg8415]

It’s normal to feel this way. You will feel like this throughout your life. In 20’s, 30’s, 40’s...etc. 99% of people have these feelings no matter what their age is. Stop comparing yourself to others. Im older than you.. trust me.

[@prarthikkrishnan8160]

I’m so glad you’re finding ur footing with the difficulties you’ve faced and are so optimistic about ur future but why are you not ready to make the sacrifices that will let you give ur mom the freedom she deserved and worked towards? Why don’t you work part time along with the passion projects you are doing so that you can create a stable financial situation from where you can continue to pursue your passions from? You don’t always have to be the victim you can make positive actions to better your situation but that comes with sacrifice you don’t seem to be ready to make. This is not hate this is just because I relate to a lot of your mental health struggles but my drive lead me to sacrifice to an unhealthy extent to get to the things I want but you seem to not want to do that. I really genuinely hope the best for you but building a life is not going to happen unless you make the actions towards making it happen. The world isn’t here for you to thrive in with whatever conditions you have you’re here to survive. Saying you want to “do it on your own terms” and not sacrifice at the most basic level cannot be the best way about it. But who am I to say; I’m an idiot too

[@HexaAngel]

Sometimes I think maybe I'm just weak. It would be easier if I was blessed with good mental health and could hold down a normal job and not have to fight every second to try not to have a panic attack at work at the same time. But also, I don't want to "sacrifice to an unhealthy extent" as you said. It's hard to find motivation in a cost of living crisis. Many people struggle all day at work, working hard and still unable to afford a decent life. The unfairness of it is very frustrating, especially knowing that our planet has enough resources for everyone to live comfortably. It's just better for the billionaires if everyone is constantly struggling. So I'd rather keep trying to build something of my own than be a cog in that system, because I'm afraid it would leave me with no energy to ever get out.

[@MagisterialVoyager]

i feel lost and like a failure too. but i also know that i need to focus on myself first and foremost, especially regarding living with the reality of my abuse.

[@HexaAngel]

I'm sorry to hear that you've lived through abuse. That's a tough one. And you're right, I think it takes healing ourselves on the inside to lay the foundations for a better life.

[@hiiij9638]

set a goal to fix things befor 30 that's what i'm doing before 35 or trying to at least

[@HexaAngel]

I wish you luck in your goal!

[@jefferyalpha803]

You are not failing. This whole world has a difficult time accepting those who are different. Accommodations usually go to only the most obviously needy.

[@garysetiadi366]

How's your sister coping with life in Germany?

[@HexaAngel]

My sister is thriving. She was 9 when we moved here, she’s 15 now. The first year or so was difficult with the language and such, but she made friends quickly, which helped her learn. It took some aggressive advocacy from my mom to convince her teachers that she could and should stay in a normal public school instead of going to a “German as a second language” school. She picked up the language very well through exposure, and now studies at a normal public school and speaks German like a native. She’s still a little shy/quiet and doesn’t talk or raise her hand much in class, but hard to say if that’s down to confidence in her language skills or just personality. On the other hand though, my sister has forgotten most of her Chinese, and is not a native-level speaker of Romanian. So while my native languages are English and Romanian, hers are English and German.

[@garysetiadi366]

@@HexaAngel It's good to hear that she is doing well. I am a bit sad to hear your story. I have wondered why you didn't go back to work in China, and now understand that you don't have the higher education qualifications. I still think that it would be good if you can get a degree, since education in Germany is free. Then you can go back to work in China, where your Chinese language proficiency would be an asset. Or work for a Chinese company setting shop in Europe where they need native Europeans, where your knowledge of Chinese gives you an advantage. Sad to say, IMHO, there aren't any unique selling points to make your UGC and KZbin channel go big. It may be better to bite the bullet and make an effort now rather than to stay in your situation and regret later.

[@HexaAngel]

@@garysetiadi366 Actually, I’m not looking for advice with this video. I’m just putting my story out there. These are suggestions I’ve heard before, but none of these options appeal to me. I don’t want to destabilize my life all over again by moving back to China. I like languages for the social aspects but have no interest in doing translation work. Not to mention, my Chinese skills are conversational, but not strong enough for a professional setting, and the thought of working in corporate fills me with dread, like being back in high school all over again. So I’m not quite ready to throw in the towel just yet with this creative stuff, even if it seems like I should.

[@bodcaster]

@@HexaAngel I think you should be grateful that people care enough about your life to comment their opinions and advice. It may not align with your goals but at least be less aggressive and more polite. Your content doesn’t really give much of a value to those who are watching but still people are watching, commenting and you are benefiting from it (even if it’s little). At the end of the day it all comes down to attitude and perspective. If you wanna grow your audience, remember that this kind of defensive and negative attitude towards your audience will give many people the ick.

[@HexaAngel]

@bodcaster I’m not being aggressive or impolite. I’m just firmly expressing a boundary. Why is it women are always considered “aggressive” for communicating clearly when they don’t like something? If you read my reply again, can you find any swear words or insults? I didn’t use any, so how am I being aggressive and impolite? It’s okay if I give some people the ick. I don’t need everyone to like me. Giving unsolicited advice is an often counterproductive and unwelcome approach, especially when that advice is essentially “quit this because your dreams won’t amount to much”. It’s also presumptuous to assume that I haven’t considered these options before. I’m struggling, not stupid. This channel is my space. I am grateful that people care, but I don’t have to accept any and all kinds of communication.

[@jankaaishakovacs7714]

That’s not true! Your 20s is to live your life try new things and sometimes to fail. My best friend changed professions and became a compliance manager at 48. The same woman entered the fitness competition world when she was 45. Other friend she is 36 just finished school and became a holistic naturopath and quit her 9-5. She was able to pay back all of her student loans and credit card debt and she started to travel the world in her free time. But it had a price she spent her 20s early 30s working a lot and being extremely frugal. Meanwhile one of my best friend found her forever love at 34. Another girl got married at 27 and now 4 years and 3 babies later she went to school to became a birth assistant and help women. You are not behind. You are moving in your own schedule. ❤

[@HexaAngel]

Thank you for sharing these stories! It definitely gives me hope hearing about people who found their path later in life.

[@hiiij9638]

try being 33 and feel like you've wasted your life

[@valerygonzalez-i3y]

You are 26 years old, how Is possibile you define yourself a failure? I don't think you are, instead you are young and the true Is in your mind. Wherever you think about yourself it's true. If you think you are a failure you should be but if you be patient with yourself, and try to fix It, when maybe there isn't a problem. It's everything on what you think you are able and the true Is you are able tò do wherever you want. You don't Need be hard with yourself. I am 24 years old even when I student and I work, I live with my parents, I felt a failure for that but at the university there Is people that have 26 - 30 years old and some of them live with Her family too. But we don't Need to compare..

[@HexaAngel]

I guess I think I'm a failure right now, but don't think I will be forever. Just gotta keep moving forward. Thanks for sharing some of your story and words of encouragement 💕

[@GrimdeathGriffin]

We are all failures and we all want to disappear.But not everyone is the same.I hope you will be successful.I hope you have a good day as well.

[@HexaAngel]

I don't want to disappear anymore (luckily). Spent most of my late teens just seeking the will to live, and found it. Didn't think I'd make it to the age I am now, but I did, and now I'm trying to figure out a future I never betted on having. Thank you for your well wishes, and the same to you! Whatever success and joy looks like for you, I hope you have it.