"Hey DM, how does it taste?"

[@omn1cr0ngaming66]

It’s a kobold, so it probably would have tried eating it anyways

[@IceLordCryo]

As someone who's played a kobold with an INT of 8, I can confirm this

[@williammortensen9170]

(He has them roll for taste) "It was at this moment that he knew, he fucked up.

[@justin09756]

I mean the book says kobolds can literally eat anything. Even specifying that their shells are usually the first meal they have.

[@omn1cr0ngaming66]

@@justin09756 and why would they have needed to evolve that if they weren’t dumb enough to literally eat rocks?

[@justin09756]

@@omn1cr0ngaming66 I wasnt saying kobolds weren't dumb enough to have cause to evolve that. Just was saying they functionally can eat almost everything.

[@Zedrinbot]

This same session also had 4 nat 20's in a row. A player wanted to do some sick grapple move on an NPC, then attack so I had them roll acrobatics to reach them, athletics to grapple, and then roll to attack. I rolled a nat 20 to resist the grapple. They proceeded to get 3 nat 20's to contest the grapple and do what I described, resulting in a vampire being pile-driven into the ground.

[@bioraidos5454]

This is some wrestlemania shit right here

[@nokamiwd]

​@@bioraidos5454 Wrestlevania if you may.

[@SumRndmPenguin]

That's some looney toons 'progressively bigger guns' type shit

[@skullsquad900]

My players do that kinda stuff literally every session and it's ridiculous XD

[@starterking]

if I didn't know any better it would sound like they had a divination wizard stalking them

[@nathannaudts2922]

I swear you could put a bottle of the worst poison in existence on a pedestal and someone would be like 'i bet it taste like chocolate tho'

[@santa5628]

There are some sweet tasting or smelling poisons, so that’s not even far fetched. Look at antifreeze and cyanide!

[@dragon1130]

I mean, to be fair, we put stuff in anti freeze to make it taste bad because it basically tastes like sugar. Don't mean it won't R.I.P your insides something fierce if you drink it.

[@Jawsomest]

Old sage: "This here is the poison of garxonicamellisha the 3rd, made using pure distilled evil, every known disease and unknown disease, the blood of zombified dragons, a corrupted angels tear, brewed using lava pits in the 9 hells, just a single drop could start a disease that would plague the world for millennia!" The comment below this:

[@rubedog961]

I feel like a dog wrote this comment

[@dragon1130]

@@Jawsomest Adventurer: "I bet it tastes like fruit punch!"

[@TheSilversepiroth]

I mean... It's a kobold. When talking about a creature of whom regularly consumes charcoal for alchemical benefits, amber would be akin to hard honey candy

[@benjaminoechsli1941]

Amber is basically tree sap, so yeah. To a kobold it probably _would_ be like a giant mound of hard pancake syrup. That does sound rather good.

[@AceWolf456]

@@benjaminoechsli1941 occasionally with bugs in it too! Yay protein!

[@GeritzMusic]

I was the kobold. My maple rocks were divine.

[@atonomusxul9897]

I cannonically consider a mimic a species of mollusk. Thus its tounge is edible and is like a tough earthy scallop. There are plenty of ways to tenderize and flavor it and mimic tounge can fetch about 1gp per pound.

[@Mightylcanis]

I found this much funnier than it deserved

[@atonomusxul9897]

@@Mightylcanis Just wait till you hear about the deliciousness of rust monsters!

[@ashleybyrd2015]

This settles it. My next character will attempt to cook and eat anything she kills. It will be difficult to cook a fire elemental but I will find a way.

[@GuukanKitsune]

@@ashleybyrd2015 Serve it as gazpacho.

[@uc22_swo1p]

My mimic race character is shocked by this.

[@AeroQC]

*rolls 100 * *DM:* "So it turns out the amber golem was actually made out of rock candy..."

[@trip9845]

well amber is made out of the same thing as syrup

[@Dethcat12]

Avatar the Last Airbender

[@AeroQC]

@@Dethcat12 King Bumi be such a troll. 😆

[@mr.morkite1598]

"Uh huh. So, how do they taste?" _"They're rats."_ "I know what they are. Do they taste OK?" _"...The guide says they're not that bad."_ "Good enough for me."

[@articusramos808]

Ah, a fellow codec banter fan

[@realdragon]

Cool, I didn't know there's taste table in DM's guide

[@furcornstuu]

[Barely Noticeable Stamina Recovered] "Ugh, this is so horrible!"

[@Sip_Dhit]

@@realdragon be cool if there was, but nah its from MGS3

[@magmat0585]

"tastes just like chicken"

[@logon-oe6un]

I respect the DM's resolve to avoid going "Most parts taste of humid stone dust from the dungeon, but the breaks are faintly bitter, like you would expect from tree resin."

[@OneBiasedOpinion]

I felt this spiritually. Why do you players do this. *W h y .* Also I just rewatched this a dozen times and finally noticed all the other party members. That is quite an interesting campaign you have going there, sir. And I love the Drow(?) using Spider Climb or something of the sort to t-pose on the wall.

[@therefinedgoose9368]

Because it tastes good. And it does a lot of damage

[@Zedrinbot]

she's actually sorta like a ghoul, but is using the dahmpir stat block

[@dinosonicrexdyson5018]

We get off on seeing our DMs face in despair/agony.

[@Soren9302]

@@therefinedgoose9368 Happy Souls :)

[@lordfelidae4505]

Because I play obligate carnivores and usually they’re fucked in the head, like an insane Tabaxi or a Lizardfolk.

[@Dargonaxable]

As a fellow DM, i feel that on such a level

[@olegoleg258]

Ooooh yes, that reminds me I'm playing as a warforged with dementia who was recently woken up, chaotic good When we were invited to a tavern, we got a drink that heals us, and our shapeshifting...I don't know what race they were, shifted into another party member, who is a small female fey Pulling a chaotic stupid, I started panicking and telling everyone that the drink is gonna turn them into little girls. The warlock with PTSD said "aight, if I roll a 20 you convince me". And he did. So now we have a panicking robot shaking everyone because he's afraid that they'll be transformed into tiny girls while our warlock was having his PTSD acting up and almost killing someone. It was awesome

[@clericofchaos1]

out of the 12 years i've been playing i've only ever rolled 1 perfect hundred. It would seem that the dice have a will of their own and like to be entertained.

[@TripleBarrel06]

An Amber Golem would probably taste like either resin or tree sap, so it could be delicious, or highly toxic, or both.

[@ieuanhunt552]

Now I want to role-play a version of Naked Snake. Where he wants to know how edible everything he comes across is.

[@aperturescienceguy2737]

"How does it taste" "It is literally a pile of gold on the ground" "Ok but how does it taste"

[@xenogorwraithblade2538]

At L1: kzbin.info/www/bejne/bp6rfHuBh52rbKM

[@UltimaDoombotMK1]

@@aperturescienceguy2737 "The guide says it's not bad"

[@memnun5615]

damn you really didnt have to make that kobold the throat goat but you did it anyways, respect

[@greatjagras6381]

Someone in my group cooked demon flesh and ate it. Yea he turned into a Dhampire

[@benjaminoechsli1941]

Adventurers need to learn to properly cook their meat, _especially_ meat found in the wild. Smh.

[@articusramos808]

Must be fine candy. Now time for me to take some notes so I can implement a candy golem into the my world when I actually start DMing.... it's gonna be a weaker golem but the candy is regenerative so it doesn't mind. (The secret is the adamite heart it has. It helps with the regeneration process) has a purpose to be sent out to areas that need food and it's big enough to feed entire cities and still be able to function as a guard

[@xenogorwraithblade2538]

Maybe save that for about...nyeeeh, say level 5.

[@dragonsswarm1987]

Just explain it as Kobold Taste buds, and make it so the rock don't shrink like candy.

[@pandemonium2536]

That's when you make the amber pseudo parasitic, it evolved to be tasty as ingesting it allows the living amber to take control of and convert the host into a new golem

[@treehousegames7903]

Kinda bug and kinda snack

[@cyrosgold7]

Reminds me of a session I ran where the party investigated a monastery(Martial arts kind) and had to fight undead, on the bodies they kept finding mugs, and in the kitchen there was a skeleton that didn't rise up to kill them that was holding a mug. On the table was a keg of ale. Lost 3 party members right there because they had to try the obvious poison drink. Notes: This place had skeleton and zombie monks throughout. Many of them were just doing tasks like trimming Bonsais or raking a rock garden. They rest of the party found a diary in one of the rooms describing an upcoming ritual and the 2nd in command was so happy he would be joining with his Sifu as one. When they made it to the basement they found the 2nd on a pedestal as a ghast and many ghoul and zombie monks about the area in meditation. The 2nd was interested in the visitors and challenged them to test their skills against the various disciples in increasing waves. Finally the 2nd stepped down to challenge them, and upon defeat a voice rang out "Fools, this isn't even my final form!" and the ghost of the Sifu rose from the Ghast 2nd and fought them. Afterwards, the party having proven themselves, gained powerful allies among the school of the "Way of the undying fist". All undead monks they killed raised up again a short time later too. Lawful neutral undead monks. They used a special brew that had a combo curse/poison to die and raise up as undead. The more powerful they were in life the higher ranking of undead they became. The 3 fools who drank the poison punch would have risen as undead too, but their bodies were burned. Those players were upset at me because it was a DC 30 con save to not instantly die. But this was meant to kill POWERFUL MONKS and there were sooo many clues.

[@bheowolfe]

The fact that you d10s have 10s and not 0s on them is giving me anxiety I never expected

[@FrosTehBurr]

Speaking from experience, amber does taste similar to maple syrup, a bit more tangy than maple syrup but still close enough. Full explanation on why I know this is curiosity caused me to try it.

[@benjaminoechsli1941]

As the person below you in the comments says, amber is fossilized tree sap. Maple syrup is tree sap. Learning this, it's natural to wonder if amber is yummy...

[@seppneilankins9906]

@@benjaminoechsli1941 mmm delicious natural hard candy yummmy

[@ryzekiv7147]

Anyone else reminded of how The Mad King Boomie held two children hostage with rock candy? Also im now envisioning a scenario featuring Treants descended from Maple trees…

[@kylesunrider1063]

I already gave a player the Master Bread Sword, I am waiting for them to ask a baker to enchant it as a joke just to say that they can.

[@kylesunrider1063]

update, it happened, he pulled it out in front of the baker, update after a hiatus of the sessions sadly but it finally happened.

[@MLGLionKnight]

I just realised that Zedrin is a mimic

[@DanielTheRobot]

No way! Hahaha. I usually just try to find something else like a food item or existing candy to describe the flavor of something

[@Nickle_King]

It's the big rock candy golem! Cue the "O Brother, Where Art Thou" music!

[@ryanwoon3534]

Anyway to mess with the DM is a good thing

[@sternritternovad]

Dice Gods : May your heart be a guiding key

[@arken2583]

Seeing as I myself am a Kobold, I would _definitely_ try this.

[@luckyfc2923]

This is me honestly, my DM’s so over me trying to eat or lick everything🤣

[@themspaintwizard3584]

Its amber, which is made from a fossilized tree sap. *In theory, it would taste good.*

[@wanderedhades]

Dungeon Meshi in a nutshell.

[@Zedrinbot]

u so rite

[@spoopyd.8910]

Remember that scene from Avatar the last Airbender? Yeah this is that. Edit:WHY IS THIS COMMENT SECTION INFECTED WITH TIME TRAVELERS? HONEY, WHERE'S MY GUN!??

[@anewhero1216]

I mean, amber is basically fossilized tree sap as I understand it, I can imagine anybody coming into that situation with that knowledge would think on some level *"But what if it tastes like M A P L E S Y R U P ?"*

[@loony2470]

I recall one of my players nearly causing an apocolypse. After that, he yeeted a jar of piss at a minion of a flesh god. Dude fucking scares me as much as sniper tf2

[@realPurpleOrb]

A sniper with the mind of a scout is now living in my head rent free and i hate it.

[@somedude4087]

ROCK CANDY Bumi approves

[@fishboy3612]

It tastes kinda dirty on the outside but once you get past the layer that was exposed it tastes like real maple-syrup

[@smertonosnyibratni]

amber is made of tree sap. Tree sap is often sweet like syrup. It's probably pretty tasty

[@mrpizzacat8273]

Rock candy Golem does sound possible

[@elementalgamer0732]

When your amber golem is made out of honey rock candy.

[@enzokalani]

Fun thing this reminded me of - someone wanted a sandwich while they had no way to get one cause boat and no supplies. So he asked if he could have one and kept asking so I said roll. Got a nat 20 and opened up a portal into another dimension where he then took out a sandwich after a nat 20 will save.

[@calakipmar5351]

This video makes me wanna play DnD again with the boys, despite them always trying to fight anything that moves

[@aperturescienceguy2737]

Well that's just dumb, fighting everything that moves, psh, just fight everything in general.

[@sir_altera1932]

In one campaign I was a monk and I got to the level where I gain imunity to poisons. There was this skull bottle that had this liquid that looked like it would kill you if you drank it, so I drank some of it to find out what it tasted like, it tasted like death. Nice to know that death has a taste in that universe.

[@whymiipres5618]

That must be delicious

[@janrasmussen2495]

i am guessing they begin selling the rock shards for huge profit and becomes very rich

[@Netro1992]

Somewhere out there is an entity whose sole entertainment is making DMs suffer.

[@The_Olive_Dragon]

As a kobold player, can confirm we try to eat everything

[@sonicboomers122]

Walked right into that one.

[@Josh-fj9hi]

This is why I love doing as kobolds my favorite ever was a Kobold bard by the name of Meep PoetTail. He's pure chaos and I love it

[@playwars3037]

Yep. That's fairly classic as far as D&D goes XD At least you haven't had your players try to loot an ancient starship while it was being boarded by xenophobic aliens hellbent on killing the party, while the automated defences were trying to hold off said aliens, and thus had their only ally turn hostile because they tripped the security system, and had to evade both aliens and security bots to get back to their own ship and leave XD

[@MidnightAphelion]

HI! Something similar happened in my game last week! "There is a golden statue of a dragon whose type you don't recognize." "Poke the statue." "Feels like gold." "I... lick the statue." "You what?" "I lick it." *deep sigh* "The statue collapses into a puddle of goo that attacks you come on man licking the statue how do you... why do you..."

[@Blueoriontiger]

There’s a running joke in the campaign I run, that a player’s kobold eats rocks. The party gives her bowls of gravel at time, and has to keep precious stones away from her.

[@zelda12346]

"Hey DM, can I touch [the goo from the melted demon that shrieked in pain as it died]?" "Hey DM, can I jump into the ball pit of semi-sentient balls of light?" "Hey DM, can we open the door made from fossilized demon flesh?" "Hey DM, can I attack the boss with my worst stat?" "Hey DM, can we take a short cut through the dangerous druid lands after having killed a Monster Hunter boss?" "Hey DM, can we free a murderous demon locked inside a self-sacrificial host because our party demonologist said it promised it would behave?" Me: So you're not going to press the big red button? "What? No. That's dangerous."

[@harmonicaman4782]

Kobolds are fun. If I tried to eat a pie pan and all with any other race my dm would have me roll con, but we’ve that Kobolds will eat literally anything.

[@gabrielrussell5531]

Why does that Elf on the right in the opening shot have a large pair of non-Elven characteristics?

[@あき-h6u]

Let me slide into those DM's sounding different right about now.

[@Gurmudgin]

The dice have chosen. There is nothing to do but accept this fate.

[@rowanfynes898]

finally *piss rocks*

[@Skymoc4]

Plot Twist: *He gets severe diabetes*

[@DiranJiru]

“So how do they taste?” John ‘Naked Snake’

[@jamesdixon5714]

I've been in numerous campaigns where someone eventually gets immunity to poison, and suddenly want to taste everything.

[@thatonefurry0167]

Knowing dnd I knew someone was going to try and taste it

[@vibesdungeon]

This is exactly every dnd game I've been in

[@kingbash6466]

Really hope that ending was specifically referencing Smiling Friends.

[@Pfincess]

The first time I rolled a d100 in dnd, I rolled a 100. Best moment of my life.

[@KrimmyKrim]

The fates chose the lizard on this day.

[@nobodyhere7761]

The odds were calculated.

[@LimakPan]

I like the T--posing elf thing.

[@peculiar_wood]

Just because it TASTES good doesn’t mean you won’t DIE FROM EATING IT

[@colorphone5154]

the struggles of being a DM.

[@merficvalmar4671]

Thia happens more often than anyone can imagine...

[@ebonstone2980]

I don't believe I've ever had to deal with this situation...

[@Orcbrother13]

As a fellow DM....I know your pain.

[@justsomerandoontheinternet3147]

The party: finally, some good f*cking food

[@trevormouse6422]

I want to listen to full D&D playthroughs

[@TheBloodswordsman]

Learning that this was a real session kills me.

[@Curseofculture]

Good luck always hits when you never expect it ;)

[@littlevader06]

I was expecting it would taste like regret lol

[@segevstormlord3713]

It's like the mold in Control!

[@Dethcat12]

I'm getting serious Smiling Friends vibes in that last scene

[@tineresnt5505]

I do this... it never turns out well...

[@DrEyebrows]

In my campaign, my party was given a poison that was meant to put a literal god to sleep so she could be forced back home, we didn't necessarily want that so our barbarian had the bright idea to drink it so, he did, crit failed the con save and our DM decided that he would literally explode, just trend into a mist of blood and we no longer had a barbarian in our party. We now know to avoid any strange potions from Gods.

[@UrSammich]

Taste like sweet death

[@prot0prawnsuitablesinc.dom185]

There is no greater Hubris than a God's.

[@KingofJ95]

If you really want to be evil, make it addictive.

[@PanRokador]

Classic kobold energy

[@charliedulol]

Murphy's law. if it can happen, it will happen given enough tries. and sometimes one is enough.

[@The-Blue-Knight]

Lmao the dice tell a great story

[@Herbalistology]

Just because it tastes good, doesn't mean it's good for you.

[@oneofnone7947]

Oh yes forbidden rock candy

[@-34-]

"ninety nine or higher" oooh shiiiiiiiiiiii-

[@cheeto.burrito]

They come from the big rock candy mountain

[@princezuko8100]

absolutely phenomenal

[@lanteanboy]

this is a rule of the universe. whenever a player decides to do something dumb, they'll roll either a crit success or good enough that the GM has no choice but to go with it or be found to be a party pooper

[@Rewind610]

Classic Werewolf Apartment

[@charlesg9]

The end reminded me of Charlie's grandma from smiling friends, dunno why

[@Attaxalotl]

I once had a player drink magic enhanced diesel fuel in a WWI inspired campaign.

[@iamatrain4397]

honestly, it's always for the dumbest things that perfect rolls happen, I remember being in a campaign in which we committed many barrel related war crimes that I will not go into here otherwise the comment would be WAY too long, and after we had just done 2 shotting a boss the DM was worried might party wipe us due to a crit the Rogue who had started all the barrel shenanigans decided to ask if they could find a barrel in a destroyed marketplace, to which the DM replied "really? you know what, fuck it, if you roll a 20 you get infinite barrels, you unlock the barrel dimension", lo and behold, he rolled a nat 20 and, to be fair, the DM stuck to his word, we gained access to a barrel dimension once per long rest which produced infinite barrels