High Schoolers Are Terrible Writers

When you're not paying to learn this is usually the result.
Music Morning Mood By Grieg

[@Maerahn]

In fairness "Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever" is kind of genius in its meta-ness.

[@BloomingRose438]

Fr I liked that one 😂

[@devil_master1562]

I was hoping I'd find a comment like this

[@nezzled]

was gonna write this

[@matheussanthiago9685]

Not reddit this one but R/accidentallygenius

[@alexsherstiuk2537]

It looks like it was intended, amd it's genuinly funny.

[@kiddkris874]

Nah, high schoolers aren't terrible writers. They're clearly made for writing comedy. :D

[@I_WILL_ALWAYS_LOVE_YOU]

exactly

[@Cactiivx]

you get it

[@Gupnik]

this

[@fariahcriss5696]

Yes!! Especially the Thigh Master one lol

[@enderfire3379]

thats what i was thinking as well

[@d4n737]

Oh, so when highschoolers do stuff like this, teachers make fun of them, but when Tolkien of all people describes Golum as "Dark as darkness" he's the master of the dictionary

[@matheussanthiago9685]

Tolkien choosing names the elvish characters "ah yes, he's named after the elven name for the furthest star known to both man and elven kind, he's name in the human tongue is that of the first light of dawn, for he was alive before any man saw the sun rising" Tolkien choosing the names of non-elvish characters "he's non trustworthy, hence his name shall be Grim Wormtongue" "he's a tree and has a beard, yes treebeard shall be his name, splendid lol" "Bilbo, lol, baggins is good"

[@hanspeter731]

Tbf, when you write an entire saga of books with as rich of a world as Middle Earth, you have to take some shortcuts here and there.

[@Candlemancer]

​@@matheussanthiago9685 also: Mount Doom

[@colbyboucher6391]

​@@CandlemancerTbf it's also called Orodruin and Amon Amarth, Mt. Doom is just the most common name

[@Betito1171]

@@matheussanthiago9685when you look at real world names most things just translate to “thing that kills you” or “other thing but with legs”

[@futurestoryteller]

Most of them are actually really good, but only if the authors are self aware.

[@nickaltena3127]

Which I feel like they are in most cases, they probably thought it was funny in a meta sense

[@thegogglesfam352]

i think the marker should always give benefit of the doubt with stuff like that

[@bakenn_]

Jeopardy was really funny. EDIT: Spelling error.

[@galek75]

They are high schoolers, so they don't have enough education and life experience to be self-aware.

[@derinwithaq5811]

@@galek75 no, pretty sure it takes an absolute idiot to write any of these seriously

[@mantisynth2186]

"The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't." - Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

[@markh.6687]

Don't forget your towel.

[@corrinflakes9659]

No but FR, we need more prose writing the way Douglas Adams did his.

[@PhazonOmega]

I thought this was a Rings of Power reference at first, lol

[@noahhamilton5974]

​@@corrinflakes9659the bowl of petunias plot still makes me smile

[@NoahBrixProductions]

Goated book

[@alextemplemusic]

These have been circulating for ages with the claim that they were written by high schoolers, but they were actually written by adults for a Washington Post contest in 1995. The contest was called "Simile Outrageous" and the ridiculousness of the imagery is intentional.

[@stardust-reverie]

there’s always been something about these that felt a bit beyond high school level lol

[@eeyorehaferbock7870]

@@stardust-reverieit’s definitely funny how half are just “shaped like itself”-type statements and the other half are things that you’d expect someone with a really snarky sense of humor to say.

[@rowboat10]

With it being presented in this format and the lines themselves, it felt too purposefully crafted in order to sound real and funny

[@idle_speculation]

Reminds me of Terry Pratchett’s style of humor a bit

[@patricklewis9787]

Yeah a lot of these felt very intentionally comedic even if they were written by highschoolers

[@woohbee]

the 4th one was a perfect analogy

[@itayschool4544]

Not a native speaker and didn't get it. What does jeopardy mean in this context?

[@noahburd5729]

it refers to the television show Jeopardy@@itayschool4544

[@user-kr9kb1ri3c]

@@itayschool4544 "Jeopardy!" is a famous gameshow that has been around for decades.

[@chianghongyi3039]

@@itayschool4544 TV game show

[@securebrowser1479]

@@itayschool4544I think the tv game show Jeopardy

[@wyskers1]

9 is a kind of silly irony that i would accept if i was a teacher

[@The-NSA]

9 is actually as good as… like whatever.

[@hckr_-gh7se]

"the lamp just sat there like an inanimate object" oh dude that cracks me up

[@grapestastelikechesse653]

It sounds like a pretty good tactic for getting up your word count 😂

[@jakethecake3657]

bro, I found you in the comments lmao

[@hckr_-gh7se]

@@jakethecake3657 BRO

[@Ranger1741]

The more proper way would be "The lamp just sat there like the inanimate object it was".

[@levanterneverlands]

The chicken laughed as if it was living.

[@alansmithee419]

7 is really good if your intention is comedic irony.

[@thomthom6268]

Isn't arabesque with the leg forward? I don't know what behind you is called. Dawgwie.

[@Paimordial]

@@thomthom6268Arabesque is behind you! :)

[@Gaminggoodboi]

so is 9

[@betin731]

Honestly, all of them are really good if your intention is comedic irony.

[@RexoryByzaboo]

That one about a colony of E. Coli on room temperature Canadian beef 💀

[@amandapanda5087]

💀

[@LlamissIGuess]

💀

[@CringeAnimePFP160]

relatable (don't try it at home)

[@article10]

Poetic

[@Serai3]

"Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever," is actually a really good one when you think about it.

[@colonendeplayer4969]

Some of them are actually good though, like the deep throaty laugh that sounded like a puking dog.

[@julienvalley28]

The ballerina one too

[@watching7721]

The analogies themselves are good, just maybe for a insulting context

[@vanillaextract4135]

“As tall as a 6’3” tree” is incredible actually

[@timetraveler7]

"I know what an analogy is, it's like a thought with another thoughts hat on" - Britta

[@matheussanthiago9685]

This analogy is streets behind

[@randomusername429]

​@@matheussanthiago9685 she really britta'd that one

[@darthplagueis13]

I'd argue that quite a few of those are only bad analogies if the text isn't supposed to be funny. I could see a lot of them being used by authors like Christopher Moore or Terry Pratchett (whose books contain characters making failing miserably at analogies all the time as a sort of running gag).

[@BookWyrmOnAString]

Dont forget Douglas Adams "the ship hung in the air exactly the way a brick didnt"

[@darthplagueis13]

@@BookWyrmOnAString True, Adams is another absolute classic in that regard.

[@gwagabogo]

@@BookWyrmOnAString was gonna comment this!!

[@addison1024]

​@@BookWyrmOnAString"the effect of which is similar to having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped around a large gold brick" is pretty good too

[@BonesOfAugust]

One time I read the phrase “His eyes were Coke Zero brown.” Another honorable mention is: “His kiss was slow, but firm and unyielding like an old man backing his Lincoln Town Car over a handicap parking sign.”

[@squtnik]

😂

[@smilegirl6429]

10 could work in some contexts. Like, she’s a toxic friend and a bad influence, altering his behavior. And like contaminated meat, anyone who interacts with him gets sick or otherwise negatively affected because of her influence. Something that was once good with the potential to become something great has been corrupted, contaminated by a toxic influence.

[@jacobubbles]

4,5,7,8,9,10,11,12 are actually really genius analogies xD. I feel like Gen z appreciates these kinds of analogies more than the older generations do. Thank you for making my day with this vid.

[@channeleditor9335]

I don't know, I don't think 12 was ironic.

[@whalefall413]

@@channeleditor9335 an open and honest observation of how the lamp sat.

[@kidamaroo]

These were actually written by adults trying to be funny. Doesn’t stop it from being funny, though.

[@nymalous3428]

My favorite has always been "The boat sailed across the lake exactly the same way that a bowling ball wouldn't."

[@InvalidSE2]

"The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't." - Douglas Adams

[@meeb_consumer]

I think 9 was self aware and that's actually really fun. It hits you with this odd annoyance like you're actually there talking to the person described.

[@ahoh8974]

That Jeopardy at 7:00, rather than 7:30, line has enough tangentially relevant specificity to work really well for a comedic novel.

[@Railgun3rd]

A small tweak of that line would make that fit straight into a murakami novel. Like seriously.

[@laserslime]

I love how almost all of these sound like out of a penguinz0 video

[@alexch6048]

Should be titled really funny analogies instead.

[@jquentinburns7581]

The 10th was legitimately hilarious and well written.

[@chiliwithonel]

Everyobe saying these are actually good and sunny- youre right! These were actually entries into a bad analogy contest in the Washington Post

[@phoenixofthestars07]

“The lamp sat there, like an inanimate object.” That would actually be really good for a character thinking they saw something in the corner of their eye.

[@JZStudiosonline]

Or if it had previously been haunted and was floating around, thus mentioning it's mundanity would be significant.

[@ArkanSAW_Official]

8 made me spit out my drink

[@lloydmartel]

it turns out that when bored kids are forced to write something they dont try very hard

[@ravensghost2008]

“The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object.” -Me when my teacher asks me to personify

[@martha_hood]

the little laugh while reading at 0:40 was the cherry on top for me

[@Pk-glitch]

“My trousers were like long pink thin things” - an actual sentence I saw someone write once

[@IlIlIlIlIlIlIllIlIII]

That's a great analogy. Remember the author?

[@The21stGamer]

Number 9 is definitely intentional

[@enderfire3379]

this reminded me of something i wrote: "using all of my strength i slowly achieved the sisyphean task of standing up"

[@blitzn00dle50]

that's unironically brilliant

[@grayanddevpdx]

8 and everything after are actually just really good comedic analogies

[@kingdededelicious]

the dog at a fire hydrant one is a pretty creative insult

[@Point5_]

"Her vocabulary was bad as, like, whatever" is absolute genius

[@aspinthesnake5636]

Most of these are actually really good, they are just meant for comedy. I wouldn't automatically assume that they are all as writers.

[@Uajd-hb1qs]

The bowl of milky cereal was like cereal with milk soaking it, all contained in a bowl.

[@burghleyimeanberdly6513]

If you told me these were Douglas Adams quotes i would've believed you

[@theletters9623]

all of these are spectacular

[@someguy14845]

a lot of these have (probably) had decently built moods, until you get to something like #4 which really destroyed the (probably built) suspense.

[@LakWat]

Similies... but great video :)

[@givrally7634]

That's actually great. I have to say 5 and 12 are my favorite, the setting up and then subversion of expectations were top notch.

[@carimeslockdownedtree2654]

The laughter = dog vomit one would be PERFECT for showing someone's contempt towards that character. Even a throaty, genuine laugh is gross to that person.

[@venatrix3483]

Ok but some of these are really good.

[@seankemsley3893]

I love how he breaks a little when reading about the hummingbirds who had also never met.

[@QuirkyBearTheBomb]

Number five really be messing with Chuck's plan if they haven't met yet

[@mrviking2mcall212]

The ‘dog throwing up’ one works pretty well. Just needs to be worded better.

[@blackholesun4942]

Final person was cooking up a fantasy setting with lampost characters 😯

[@themusicat6404]

nah man the e.coli one was a masterpiece ngl

[@slytherinlady3907]

some of these really go hard i’m not sure what you’re seeing

[@tyvode_official]

The duck analogy is unironically well written, it's entertaining as hell

[@ollow_is_sad5373]

If I ever read "John and Mary had never met. They were like two humming birds who have also never met," in a book I'd read the whole thing that's hilarious

[@YouKnowIBePro]

Dude like half of these are bangers. The hummingbird, vocabulary, E. coli, etc are all very good and creative.

[@awkwardsilence4241]

Several of these aren't even bad! They're something that I might expect to see in the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy.

[@Paimordial]

No joke. Ballerina here and I’ve been compared to a dog at a fire hydrant

[@joripien]

The Jeopardy one is hilarious, actually. Give that kid an award

[@briananeuraysem3321]

As a (former) high school student, I can attest that some high school students are much better writers than others. It’s kind of like in the 12 to 13 age range where some kids have hit puberty and others haven’t yet. I can confidently say that my writing skills have come a long way

[@imbored457]

Yeah, I definitely saw this when I was in junior high. Good at writing, was told by my English teachers that I was one of the best writers in my grade, and was getting much better at having plot, character development, all that stuff. A lot of my friends also wrote stories, and you can immediately notice the spelling and grammar mistakes, the bad characters, the very general plot. It honestly kinda sucks when you’re good at something, because then you notice all the mistakes people make

[@carlbaskk3965]

I love unique and random metaphors and this is beautiful

[@dappy9988]

Who tf is the 'Thigh Master'??!!!

[@tylosenpai6920]

"His reason to do that was to ensure that they could manage without him, like a bird that left the nest to soar to the skies" How's this just curious

[@Foolbound282]

The bird's purpose is seeking adventure, which doesn't match the man's purpose

[@tylosenpai6920]

@@Foolbound282 While that is true, they must wait until they are strong enough before they can soar or at least make their first attempts on it

[@hat_sauce3846]

@@tylosenpai6920 The soaring the skies bit is a bit tangental. It takes away from the main comparison you are trying to make. Also the dad seems to be the subject of the metaphor; it's not clear if he is meant to - making 'a bird' plural would help clarify if it isn't. As it is now the two scenarios aren't comparable. Also the analogy could be mistaken as the 'Leap of Faith' birds take as they leave the nest.

[@tylosenpai6920]

@@hat_sauce3846 Fair point

[@VzVegeta]

I remember the time I wrote in one of my papers "love's not a napkin, it's a whole towel"

[@N0B0DY5i1]

1. her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center (works well at describing a drug addicts eyes which have dilated) {one minor change, changes mental image the subtlety works as is, if the context is implied} example: [soon as she snorted a rail in the ladies restroom her eyes grew like two brown circles with big black dots in the center] 4.from the attic came an unearthly howl. the whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and jeopardy comes on at 7p.m. instead of 7:30p.m. (works well in explaining a move to a different city or a visit, you just need to remove the added filler that drags the scene for extra spacing) [altered example: from the attic came an unearthly howl, an eerie, surreal quality, like when on vacation to another city and jeopardy comes on at 7p.m. instead of 7:30p.m] {describing a strange coincidence} 6. she had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. (works well for describing a heavy smoker with collapsed lungs from years of heavy smoking) 10. she grew on him like she was a colony of e. coli and he was room temperature Canadian beef (works at describing a horror scene by which the lady being described is a pandemic affecting the males flesh)

[@mxnd4y_m0od]

Tysm ❤❤❤❤❤❤ ly

[@gwynjustice6664]

Reminds me of the line from hitch hikers guide to the galaxy: “the flying saucers hung in the sky ,motionless, much like how bricks don’t”

[@TheManOfManyNames373]

I love how you were trying to stifle your laughter as you read number 5.

[@bennekin]

I love that Thigh Master is capitalized like that

[@colelevel2654]

"Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever" is actually genius my guy

[@Designed1]

I can't believe the "lame duck" one didn't make at least one attempted "lame duck session" pun

[@ameliablakey9758]

Tag yourself, I’m analogy 12

[@I_Like_747s]

Okay but the jeopardy one

[@maddoxnoye5344]

Some of this is actually phenomenal

[@SliceJosiah]

The fourth one has a lot of contextual whiplash but I absolutely love the analogy itself. The last one is a certified hood classic.

[@shairafaiza7261]

These are hilarious 😂

[@runningoncylinders3829]

I didn’t know what a Thigh Master was. I pictured someone using their own thighs.

[@singforjoy7123]

"They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met" had me dying

[@40088922]

number 4 is basically a Family Guy cutaway

[@elhazthorn918]

The gift had a beautiful ribbon, like a rainbow piece of spaghetti.

[@9nikolai]

I love terrible writers because they always write the best stuff you could possibly cherry pick from anywhere

[@thiagoporto7879]

Reminds me of Douglas Adams as in "The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't"

[@JeffSherlock]

And (drumroll) they graduated.

[@rowanphillips3497]

Nah the “her vocabulary was like… ehh, whatever” is so meta

[@Crowstal]

Some of these are actually perfect if you're just trying to be funny or make a parody

[@billyno-neck9576]

The Jeopardy one is fantastic

[@NordemRay]

There's no way you can look at #8 and say "High Schoolers Are Terrible Writers" with a straight face

[@TheSalamiMan]

these are great analogies, the only problem with some of them is that they are clearly not written to present the same tone as the situation they're meant to describe. But that's what makes them so funny.

[@n015y]

these are just shitposts, love them

[@secariel]

some of these are fire ngl

[@athormaximoff4634]

6 goes hard tho

[@jefferydavidson5347]

And C. S. Lewis can get away with this: “The Narnians all felt about Trumpkin as people feel at school about some crusty teacher, whom everyone is a little afraid of and everyone makes fun of and nobody really dislikes.”

[@Mudkip971]

#9 was actually pretty smart, it's self aware.

[@riskyworks]

And it's about as relatable as.... uhhhhhh, a video of someone setting up some really powerful attack in an RPG only for the attack to not crit despite having a 99.9% crit rate. Alternatively. As relatable as video showcasing a bossfight in a JRPG where they get overly unlucky and hardly ever land any crits, then the moment the boss is down to 1% HP, the game FINALLY decides to let you crit... At a time where you would've defeated them regardless of the crit.

[@riskyworks]

Look, I can't really think of a lot of analogies for this, okay... I couldn't really think of a lot of things that would be relatable. I mean, I could probably have thought of something, but I just couldn't be bothered to put in that much effort just to make a dumb joke.

[@riskyworks]

Oh, right. As relatable as buying an alarm clock, only to find out that it has the most annoying ear-piercing sound imaginable, to the point that you don't even feel like waking up after hearing it... Okay, maybe these aren't really relatable. I know, I suck at making analogies. I mean, it's not like I'm really trying, but still.

[@woundedvixzen]

The 4th one has a lemony snicket energy to it

[@ragg232]

I hope these poor dudes understood in the end

[@sockjim9016]

Honestly these are all amazing. I strive to achieve this level of comedic genius in my writing

[@linkfromzelda1002]

They're funny but nto terrible. Also they remind me of Family Guy cutaway segues.

[@miozoth]

"When I stared deeply into her dark brown eyes that looked just like the abyss of the universe, I felt like I was completely off of reality, only focused on her, just like when you're in a hurry and accidentally step on dog poop"

[@squtnik]

they were all funny but I started actually laughing at the one about the sound a dog makes before throwing up

[@Ghostfoxkori]

Wow, I can feel the poetry through the screen.