How to Listen (kinda) with ADHD

[@michellewells5986]

Watched this with my 9 year. Told him he was Penn and Kim was his teacher. On cue he listed his bail out phrase, "May I to go to the bathroom?" It was a great laugh! Thanks, Holderness Family for making light bringing humor for things that can be tough sometimes.

[@holdernessfamilylaughs]

hahaha

[@annarehbinder7540]

I as a grown woman actually use that one... ie sorry honey but I really, really need to go... I’ll come back and listen properly in a few seconds. Cue bathroom and cold water on hands and or face.

[@edstar83]

Everybody gangsta until the teacher says" No you may Not!"

[@DaniRadriendil]

@@edstar83 The teacher gangsta until I look her in the eye while pissing my pants and then tell my mom EXACTLY why she had to leave work and bring me clean pants. And then my mom has a conversation with the teacher and principal that is VERY uncomfortable. For them, not for my mom. (And now I'm the mom in that story.)

[@teamtrails7858]

I have ADHD, this happens to me all the time, and this is extremely helpful.

[@MammaOVlogs]

MLB Oregon Trails Agreed

[@teddyelrod4348]

MY ADHD IS SOOO ANNOYING

[@addirose025]

Yes same!!

[@goowy1256]

I have severe adhd, you just gotta learn to utilize your random thoughts in a productive way. I have a natural tendency to problem solve so i found a job that allows me to think of random problems at work to solve them at inappropriate times like during meetings on completely different subjects.

[@pbandbonwonder9523]

Me too ✋️

[@gracelargent5143]

I thought the emergency word was "ahhhhh I have to poop" and run away it would work

[@claretrevor8111]

It does. Fact. 😂

[@momonine53]

Well it certainly is for my husband!

[@randomfishstick4895]

lol same here

[@ladygrndr9424]

Hearing Kim's giggles in the background as you're going through this is wonderful

[@DaniRadriendil]

We like people for their strengths. We love them for their faults.

[@stevendunn683]

You have accurately described my convos with my wife. Thank you for helping me to see that I'm not a horrible person. ADHD can be very frustrating for those who do not know what it is like to have it.

[@zulufoxphoto3822]

Why are my favorite parts of these videos is Penn's voiceover of Kim's lip syncing...

[@MammaOVlogs]

Zulu Fox Photo Mine too

[@WeezieV]

Me too

[@peggyharris7849]

Hahahahaha! 1) Grampa is listening to this now because he’s Penn’s listening twin, 2) The last time we visited you guys, the saline and a toothbrush were in the guest bathroom. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄

[@tinaperez7393]

This is flat out genius. You guys are a serious resource for relationship and communication solutions. No joke. 😄 The mind control video was HIGHLY instructional - I worked with a woman who "controlled" our incompetent, egotistical male boss JUST LIKE THAT (for good not evil) and I always thought she was joking when she told me the steps - I mean where did she even get them?! - but she knew them from somewhere and used them and it worked. Not all males are awful at all, but this was a real doozy of a fool and huge ego, insecure boss and thank God for that female co-worker. Problem was I thought it was ridiculous to have to play games like that but unfortunately the workplace sometimes / often? is a game.

[@bubzilla6137]

Penn, the goats genuinely appreciate the attention... 🤗😉🤗

[@holdernessfamilylaughs]

Good to know!

[@bubzilla6137]

@@holdernessfamilylaughs thanks for responding! You all have an awesome day! 🙂🙂🙂

[@almightyfredder]

all of them! totes mi goats!

[@shellyray2416]

Heck I cant even remember the beginning of this video. Goat Yoga is all I can think about... 🤣😂😜

[@holdernessfamilylaughs]

LOL!

[@TheSes31]

Relatable

[@littlejonathorn6860]

I have ADHD and I am on the Autism spectrum. These tips work out, pentastic!! *Had to write it down in my notebook. Another day of college, here we come.

[@luzj.358]

Me too but I have so many notes that by the time I want to find it I won’t remember where it was.

[@littlejonathorn6860]

I hear ya

[@dealio1762]

@@luzj.358 yep. I write notes on my calendar but forget to look at my calendarn

[@Timsnameiscool]

What even is the attention span of a goat while doing goat yoga?... er, I mean, great video!

[@IronycheinPain]

even more, do they enjoy dealing with new people?????

[@ItsLaurenE]

@@IronycheinPain i still question goat yoga, funny this video is 2 years old and i still catch myself saying "What happens when your goat blasts out 50-100 goat poops" while trying to hold a yoga pose. Been at the petting zoo enough times to know they poop a lot randomly. WHO SAT THERE AND THOUGHT.... ❗❗✔ GOAT YOGA IS THE NEW THING.

[@AKcess_Dnied]

I'm from the future but I don't even know what goat yoga is so I'm going to have to look it up.

[@007dirge]

Instead of “wow, that’s crazy” if they actually say, “what do you think about it” my go to is “well, I wouldn’t want to interject. Your feelings/thoughts are really what’s important.” Then you get a quick little recap where you can catch up.

[@maryo.paddock8093]

I'm an adult woman with ADD (called it mild hyperactive disorder back in the 70s--which I'm sure is a clue as to my age). I learned most of these tricks while my parents lectured me on paying attention. I developed a pretty good "Yes ma'am/sir" tone that sounded more or less like I was actually listening. This is probably the equivalent of "hmmm ..."

[@Jess-pr1xf]

Hi, also an adult woman (diagnosed in the 90's). So many of his and How to ADHD's advice we all had to learn the hard way. It nice have them trying to save the next gen some grief.

[@Dancestar1981]

@@Jess-pr1xf just diagnosed at 40 so sad and angry for lost time and support

[@illuminate2140]

I don’t think I have ADHD but this is something I deal with. I cant keep my mind from wandering during conversations. I learned to rewind and pick up key words to repeat or to puzzle together the story really quick.

[@maeharden209]

THANK YOU. I have ADHD and my daughter was just diagnosed. These videos make her laugh and helps my husband understand us better.

[@johne5180]

When you wake up in the middle part, you can always ask “can you tell me just a little more about that?“

[@WeirdHeather]

I gotta use this next time bf is talking about football and I’m thinking about what snacks I should eat....😂

[@denischabriddell986]

Snacks are important.

[@picantesworld7723]

😂😂

[@WeirdHeather]

Denischa Briddell I know, right? 😂🍕

[@cggnow]

Football. Really? Get him talking about snacks! He will probably enjoy it more. 😁

[@bethslaughter4279]

This is the perfect tutelage for every man, adhd or not!

[@racht1030]

Goats kept popping into my mind at random moments. 😂Thanks Penn.

[@haleyanne86]

I really enjoyed this new segment. Def do more of these.

[@gmdiona7341]

I am a master at doing the empathetic grunts at the right moments and the right grunt while thinking about goat-yoga. A talent I have mastered in my childhood, thanks to lots of adults giving me lectures about trying harder, not being a chaotic mess, losing my backpack again, and so on. I am going to need this, because goat-yoga has now entered my brain and will demand attention. And I had not even worked out how penguin-knees look!

[@dsolomon]

This hit a little too close to home. Similar to "wow, that's crazy", I like to use "unbelievable".

[@annarehbinder7540]

dsolomon I vary with really ? And are you serious ?

[@violetopal6264]

Or "Wow, really?" Good chance of getting a synopsis that way. XD

[@Awetopsy]

Or, "no way"

[@jessicahoward9046]

I use "of course"

[@thespiralingshapes]

I'm actually more engaged once I've missed half the story, because then I'm actively putting it back together and the creativity it takes to ask empathetic questions helps me stay focused on the story itself And I listen a lot better when I can picture the people in the story and try to stage it in my mind like a movie. As soon as my partner tells me about a new person I'll veer off into the void until I have enough visual cues to hold onto

[@josephinebly8603]

Thank you for making videos for people with ADHD. I am still processing the fact it is not a deficit nor a disorder. One of the my goals in therapy is to learn to listen to others

[@bubzilla6137]

That video was well assembled, by the way... Very professional! Intro felt like 20/20 or Night line coming on... Great job! 🙂🙂🙂

[@MammaOVlogs]

Bub Zilla Agreed

[@garretvaughn7936]

Thanks a lot, man. You just gave away all my strategy and now my wife knows when I'm fake listening. Dang it, dude, now I have to come up with some different phrases. 😉

[@Vizarteful]

You out done your self Penn!! You hit the nail on the door with this underlying topic. My brother has ADHD and this is soooo relatable, especially with his wife, haha. Thank you creating this video. Please continue doing these!!

[@gmripple2686]

This was the best yet!! Make sure Kim does her side!

[@saraschatzman907]

This is genius. Happens to me all the time. I usually say - wait so what happened next?! Doesn’t always work though... Is there a follow up video with Kim teaching how to bust a husband who spaced out?

[@QUICKBOOKS1]

In Toastmasters, when I get the phrase, "How Did You Memorize That Speech?", I don't admit I didn't. I was, simply, watching The Timer. When I did a Ted Talk, at a Toastmasters Conference, I DID forget part of what I was going to say. Good thing is I was able to put that in the presentation because it was about my disabilities. "See? You just got an example right there." I used that to get myself back on track.

[@neilzebub]

I luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurve goats!! And Penn, you rock my world, I cannot think you enough for all the guidance and laughs. Life is so much more vivid when we're in the moment!!!

[@Hannah1114]

Thanks man. This helps my dad because he has ADHD, him and my mom don’t really get along because my mom thinks he never listens

[@sandip2287]

Thanks...now I'm thinking about goat yoga. I wasn't diagnosed with ADD until I was an adult. My mom told me she thought it was just a quirk of my giftedness. Yes, I was diagnosed gifted when I was like 10. As an adult, ADD and anxiety. It's a miracle I survive..lol

[@ashtonfamilyadventures2070]

This is awesome!🤣💖💚💜❤️💙

[@claretrevor8111]

I was diagnosed in 1980 with ADHD....... ALL of this and the goat yoga!

[@emilyb5557]

I love you sharing about your ADHD, and the funny makes it all the better.

[@makennac8708]

I can't even remember what the beginning of the video is about! All I can think about is goat yoga!

[@martine5716]

OMG that's hysterical. Now imagine how both me and my partner who were both ADHD faired in these situations 😂😂🐿️

[@cggnow]

Partner One: Uh Huh...Wow! Partner Two: Amazing! Wait...what were we talking about? And neither of you actually know! 🙂

[@chillvibes9022]

Best adhd coaching I’ve ever received. Thank you

[@johnsmith8981]

Wow the algorithm recommended me your ADHD song because I've started working on improving my active listening and then I go search KZbin and you are the top result. I appreciate your content ❤️

[@SaintDeezy]

This is actually hilarious hahaha, As a 23-year-old with ADHD I can relate to this so much. Thank you so much for making this video, really helped me out and was really funny.

[@angelabest5673]

When you said brownie points that's all I kept thinking of for a while. ADD is hard, especially when I was in school

[@hypnosisenthusiast6302]

"Wow! That's crazy." Never works for me, she apparently knows that one. Try, "Run that last bit past me again, I want to be sure I got it..." This shows interest and involvement.

[@rebecamaria5566]

This works if you have adhd or if you are a Pisces. I don't have adhd but I am a Pisces and these hacks will help me a lot.

[@PhilsFamily]

darn that goat yoga haha. I have a friend with this issue, but I'm pretty patient with her. Though she's patient with my paranoia so it evens out lol.

[@robbymounce5764]

Thank you, Penn! You LEGEND! ❤

[@sol.azulalado]

She isn't going to think you're weird because of 🐐, she's going to feel like they are more important to you.

[@lilyobrien2461]

This is really helpful so thank you

[@StrangeAndUnusualJon]

I go with "Wow, I don't know" spoken with a bit of anguish in my voice when I've missed everything. I have found it to be slightly more successful that "Wow, that's crazy". I think it's mostly because the typical response i get from saying it is an even more elaborate version of her perspective to draw context clues from.

[@jessicagoughnour8855]

Adhd makes it hard to even remember the steps from this video...haha

[@hannahspencer2830]

Were you thinking about goat yoga? Lol

[@homethatilove4595]

Uh, 3 steps. Instructors always have 3 steps ☝🏻☝🏼☝🏽

[@marenkuether-ulberg3311]

Yep. I’m pretty sure it had something to with numbers, shaking your head, ummm, and goat yogurt? Yogurt...i should have breakfast. It’s late, remember to finish making tamales. Is it Monday? The guys got tamales yesterday from the nice neighborhood tamale lady. I keep putting off turning the compost bin so can plant because i don’t want to disturb the wild duck nesting near the garden. Oh, breakfast. Talk with husband today - i forgot yesterday and that makes him cranky.

[@scottlangan12]

This totally hit's home ! Story of my life. Also can be hyper focus for a moment.

[@christyhoehn8244]

Okay, Penn, I made the mistake of showing this to my husband. Now, he does the hmmmms or aahhhhs but he does them in the wrong places which just cracks us both up….. he’s using the “ wow that’s crazy” phrase waaay too much…. Even before I start talking!!!!!!! I guess I need to thank you though, because before, he said nothing and just turned and walked away. ( really ) and I used the phrase “ wait, shithead, acknowledge I spoke” way too often ( I didn’t really call him shithead, tho…… )… So, in retrospect, your master class has been very helpful- he still doesn’t listen to me, but we do laugh a lot… Thanks again Holderness Family❤❤❤❤❤

[@jfr7160]

Haha! I’m sending this to my son... and then his wife! Haha! Nailed it!! 🐐🧘🏻‍♀️

[@jimmysmithjr287]

My Emergency Bail Out: B-B-B -Holds mouth and runs away-

[@autumnbippus8161]

Wow I had been making the mistake of nodding my head instead of shaking it. Thanks Penn

[@d.roberts1172]

I was diagnosed with ADHD in 1995, (always knew something was embarrassingly different about myself), I've found that using the phrase of "Awww Man!! Seriously?? Now let me see if I got that right....so...." Yes, and seriously ADHD IS real!! This video was freaking funny too!! Love it!!!

[@the_mothermold]

My whole family has some sort of ADD/ADHD and 80% of the time we don't listen to each other talk. 😂

[@kyragrayc]

Penn, did you lose your ring, AGAIN?? Kim I feel bad for you 😂

[@tiblanes]

Absolutely brilliant! More please!

[@maryroberts589]

I just read this chapter in Everybody Fights! Listening is the main issue my husband & I have because we both battle with ADHD. It was cool to see the topic I just read about being discussed as a "live" master class!!

[@Joy-kk1kv]

Love you guys your sooooo AWESOME!!! :-)

[@holdernessfamilylaughs]

That is very kind. Thank you!

[@brianfromhome]

Yeah, my wife has definitely had to get used to me spacing out during stories, but in all reality, she knows me really well after many, many years together, so she knows that it's not because I don't care about what she was saying. I'm blessed that she is super level-headed and doesn't get mad at me for it, so I am just honest about it and say, "I'm really sorry, can you repeat what you just said? I'm not sure I got it all." That helps her know I do actually care about what she's saying, and then I know what she's talking about if she brings it up again later!

[@mamamiafamilygaming6192]

I space out almost all the time so this will be really helpful!

[@MariaSegovia]

You guys are amazing!! Great entertainment, can’t stop laughing.

[@MathAdam]

I kept thinking about goat yoghurt. I can't even get distracted right. 😎

[@christyhoehn8244]

Brilliant as always Penn!

[@tyler_iverson4677]

0:55 that's actually so funny being after Penn said "I'm really focused on goat yoga" I IMMEDIATELY looked away and started thinking about goat yoga😂

[@RNDanaGay]

I have been watching you guys for years. How do you still not have a following? You need to collab with some other influencers who have subscribers to get your name out there. Good luck. Love your stuff.

[@taraburdette6297]

Still can relate to this!!

[@DonnaCookAuthor]

Omg, I was LEGIT thinking about goat yoga when you told me to stop thinking about goat yoga.

[@jordanbon]

This is so funny, I needed this!!😂😅

[@alanmatthews9260]

“SQUIRREL!”

[@homethatilove4595]

I get lost with 🐦 (BIRD)!

[@wolfieerach4128]

I wonder what he’s thinking while making this video..

[@holdernessfamilylaughs]

Probably goats.

[@hannahspencer2830]

@@holdernessfamilylaughs Or goat yoga. Lol!

[@QUICKBOOKS1]

I was wondering, while he was speaking, is that a Green Screen behind him?????

[@g--br1el985]

@@hannahspencer2830 😂😂

[@QUICKBOOKS1]

A year later, I can't even remember my comment, but I was thinking the same AGAIN!

[@picantesworld7723]

I usually say wow that's crazy to people so now I know I've been saying the right thing.

[@angelalitton5057]

Oh my gosh... I do these.... And I have found that switching up the wow that's crazy with others similar adjectives like nuts, really something, etc helps.

[@core17]

TIL that I've naturally learned all of these and could teach this master class. I use "Wow, that's crazy" all the time.

[@annonymous5677]

I few other good ones are exclaiming yeah and oh my gosh, I also do the that’s insane (which is like the same as that’s crazy but gives you a few more options) sometimes you can also say something along the lines of how does that make you feel (but phrase it better)

[@LexBeiki]

Yup. I do that all the time and it mostly works like a charm. But with close friends or romantic partners I go for honesty and admit that I was distracted. Usually, people are grateful that you're being honest and will focus on that rather than be disappointed that they have to repeat themselves.

[@mykeyoh1536]

BOOKMARKED. AWESOME!!!

[@laniwiens6574]

I have to admit that I use my hearing loss to get back into the conversation and say, "You know I missed that last bit, I couldn't hear you, would you mind saying that again?" Works well for me, especially with the kids, cause they know mom is pretty much deaf on one side! Goat yoga...I'm going to have to look that up now, haven't thought about it much....

[@JennyLeigh2001]

I like to also add the “what do you think?” To fill in the blanks. Works great and you get bonus points for wanting to know what their opinion is. Saved my ass a few times 😬

[@str1k3r_67]

When I mis the whole story, I just ask her to trust that last part because I got distracted. It admits I zoned out without admitting I missed everything lol(plus the last part usually sums up what they were saying)

[@heypeepsimlizzie1942]

I like how guys think we don't do the same thing to them...

[@SwiftieCentral12]

I don’t have ADHD but I do space out sometimes when someone is talking to me or at school

[@SarahMichelle777]

I do these things to my poor husband a lot. These are really good tips. And I use the “wow thats crazy” a lot at work.

[@andreaveltri3359]

Good advice! Get busted all the time! I even fast forwarded your video just to get through it! I’ll probably play this again! Thank you

[@DeepBlue7]

I just got an ADHD ad before the video started. Nice! 😂😂😂

[@hisfishherfish]

😂😂😂 "She's mad at you now; go away."

[@claudiamiller7730]

My go-to phrase is “well..that’s just nuts”….to be used carefully but especially useful when I’m listening to YT videos thru one earpiece that DH can’t see while he’s talking to me about…what, again??💕

[@justaddwater6053]

I was laughing way tooo hard!!!!

[@billroden8520]

I have ADHD as well, very spacey and quite fidgety. Thanks for the assist, just might save me from a lot of trouble!

[@maebee5032]

This is all too real🤣🤣🤣

[@SWilkin676]

I do this with my ADHD husband when he's talking really techie about a chemical reaction for example - "what was the yield?" works (sometimes).

[@darcieclements4880]

"I'm sorry, I cut out for a moment, can you repeat that" is what I fall back on.

[@annameadowshelvie5714]

Adult woman with ADD and I can testify these work! I use them with my husband all the time! lolz

[@teresadouglas9365]

I need to see a lesson along these lines for work meetings and conferences!

[@claireashley427]

This was the best!! Too funny! And I can relate! To kim though! Lol I will go on and on talking to my fiance about whatever it is that day, blablabla and half the time I swear he is so zoned out or focused on something else or sometimes falling asleep!!! Lol I'll often ask if he heard what i said and he will repeat the small bits he heard..something about your bangs.. you don't like the bangs..? Lol such a good video though. Made me laugh!

[@MammaOVlogs]

LOL oh dear that was so funny my mind is always drifting off so now I have some good ways to save myself loved it

[@Bear_Burrito]

I have ADHD as an adult as well. This happens to me as well. I get........oh look a flower.

[@lifebeyondthesalary2458]

Zip Aerial we call that the squirrel phenomenon in this house 🤣🤣

[@MP-kv3fo]

In the middle of an argument, being told how upset and they are. I bend down to grab a dust bunny I see in a corner.