Hong Kong Cultural Conversation - Why is making local friends so hard?

[@Chazzdoodles]

In my opinion, you are absolutely correct on the 'practicalness' (idk if that's a word) of the Hong Kong people. I studied abroad in the UK and soon realised how different our daily conversation topics are. As a Hongkonger myself and stepping abroad for the first time, it was shocking to see how different people's point of interest and common reactions are compared to us. And I do find myself having to blend in with the locals quite challenging!

[@jhssbbgjung875]

As a Hongkonger, I really appreciate your channel and your cantonese teaching videos! It is very glad to see people promoting HK culture! Please continue to do this and I believe that Hong Kong people would like to see this! 加油！

[@CantoneseCorner]

Thank you so much. I really appreciate it!! 💗

[@justinsummerill8231]

It can also really depend on where you are in Hong Kong. When I went to Hong Kong for a holiday, we stayed in a less touristy, more residential area where not many locals spoke English and seemed cold and distant (particularly towards tourists). When we went to other places like the outskirts including Lantau Island, this was not so much the case, in fact we found many of the residents were more down to earth and social.

[@BAn-mu4qe]

Hello from Spain! You are a jewel and I greatly appreciate your analyses. I studied Cantonese in high school in the Your comments are so interesting. I'm not Chinese but I studied Cantonese in high school in San Francisco in the '70's and wish that I had continued studying, but now I have time. Please keep up the good work and may you have a great week. Barbara

[@CantoneseCorner]

I love that you studied it in San Francisco in High School -- how did that come about?? I tried taking a class in the US before I went to Hong Kong and it was impossible to find. (I was in Madison, Wisconsin, however, so maybe that's why LOL :p) Hope all is well in Spain (if you're still there ... sorry I'm just seeing your comment now 10 months after you left it! 😱) I appreciate your leaving a comment and hope to do more videos soon! Stay tuned!

[@Ray888z]

Sue: I wish everyone can be as open minded and understanding as you, then this world would be a great place to live. There would truly be peace on earth.

[@CantoneseCorner]

Hi Ray -- that's so kind of you to say and I really needed to hear that today ... a year after you sent your message! It's been tough not being in Hong Kong sometimes, and I wonder if I made the right decision to leave. I miss it so much, even with all the changes and restrictions, but now I realise reading your comment that maybe I've been focused on missing HK so much that I haven't been as open-minded toward the US as I should be! I do agree that with respect and open-mindedness, listening to each other and learning about each other (ROLL :) we can truly bring about peace on earth. Thanks again for commenting, and I hope all is well with you! 💟

[@s.s.9320]

Hi Sue, great work here, it's good someone is promoting HK culture and language! I am a Western woman married to a HK man (actually, he's Ha Ka), we live abroad and visit Hong Kong once a year. I myself see a difference between 1. Ha Ka and Cantonese culture and 2. HK city and New Territories culture. Ha Ka culture is even more family oriented and everything is as much as possible done toegehter. Village people tend to be more relaxed than city people (as everywhere?). However, I only have quite friendly experience with all HK groups. Maybe it is because I come "recommended", so Cantonese people are more willing to trust me and let me in as I married someone from Hong Kong. But also when I was staying all by myself in Hong Kong for a week, I had a lot of positive experiences with complete strangers. Maybe it is because I speak a handful of Cantonese and will always try to communicate in Cantonese first. People were curious about me, asking about me and my husband and children, would help me find my way and give me tips for almost everything, shopping, eating, educating your children.... I thing it is also important to accept the cultural differences and look for the similarities. My inlaws and all the "family" in our village are always very friendly and helpful, maybe it's curiosity, but I can hardly go anywhere alone or pay for my own food, we always have the typical "who is allowed to pay" fight. Especially in the beginning, this lack of privacy was tiring for me, as I really have Western privacy needs. Now I try to let it just slide over me like a wave (resitance is useless :) ) and make it clear (as clear as possible) that I sometimes need some me time.

[@CantoneseCorner]

I love your comment, thank you for sharing!! Agree with it all, especially the "who is allowed to pay" fight, of which I have witnessed many. LOL And letting it slide over you like a wave as resistance is useless. So true!! :) Back when I was first living with my husband, the only door in the entire flat that shut completely was the bathroom door. Talk about lack of privacy! 😂😂😂 I really should do a video some day about it. :)

[@marygu7756]

Hi Sue, I recently started watching a few of your videos. Great job, nice topic, and discussion.

[@SuperEdmond24]

好似聽緊電台咁， 把聲好好聽， 好舒服

[@CantoneseCorner]

多謝你 ! So nice of you to say! 💝

[@fanslifejapan255]

You really know us. Yes we are simply practical. Too practical sometimes

[@TWC15HK]

I like what you said about having a discussion for discussion’s sake. I've never thought of it this way but now I can see why it's so difficult for me to "connect" with some people that I meet or even some friends bc they're always focusing on the practical. Fyi I'm a local local through and through. Or maybe I'm somewhere in between the two types of locals you described, never lived abroad but quite interested in and influenced by American culture. But at the same time I guess I do look at expats at a distance, so it's like I'm a bit culturally different from either side and sort of sandwiched in between haha. Anyway I like what you're doing in your channel! I've been thinking a lot about Cantonese preservation recently and that's why I stumbled upon your channel. Keep up the good work! Add oil!

[@tonyben4858]

I agree with you in general. As a local born Hong Kong “Chinese”, I also don’t have “friends” as you defined. For years, I have been wondering about that myself. I think may be it is the conflict I always have about many “tradition” around dealing with relatives, friends etc., and also the hypocrisy of the older. They may teach you how to behave good but not doing it themselves. Guess it is the dark culture of the local. Of course, I can’t say they are all like that but I am saying from my prospective and a person who was born locally. Guess what, I am also currently not living in Hong Kong for similar reason about the sad fact of Hong Kong has turned into and nothing we can do about it.

[@XiaoKerr]

Thinking of moving to Hong Kong from Beijing recently as an expat. Great video! Still thinking if I should make the move, but would be interested in going and learning Cantonese!

[@CantoneseCorner]

I would LOVE to hear your reasons for wanting to move and how Beijing compares to HK! (And definitely learn Cantonese :)

[@Kenji-ds9rf]

Just found your channel, so true, nobody knows Hongkongers better than you do.

[@diva3713]

thank you for sharing！🇭🇰💞💓

[@laupeter4594]

I agree. Even as a guy who grew up in hk, studied overseas and then returned to Hk for work, it seems like the way the local view things and their values are SO different. They don’t want to try and invest their time into things that don’t guarantee a return. I hate spending time with these people because they want others to do the hard work so that they can enjoy the harvest that others worked hard for.

[@TL3721]

Hi Sue, I really wish I got to know you and your channel earlier, before you left Hong Kong. I’m a local Hongkee, your observance and positivities in thevideos has made me appreciate Hong Kong, my own language and culture so much more. Please keep up your good work, you are an excellent example for us all!

[@jm8254]

As someone who’s been living here for a few years, this is a very refreshing perspective. Thank you for sharing

[@CantoneseCorner]

Thanks! I'm so glad it was. :)

[@KitPizzaKeung]

Couldn't agree with the 'respect' viewpoint more

[@СаналЧимидов]

Absolutely agree with you, the same with far Eastern countries, they are just focused on practical things

[@SpitfireAleron]

So true about shatin. I used to live in Taikoo and it was all cool and international. Then my parents moved to a smaller house in Shatin after I went studying overseas and these residential areas like shatin are just so very numbing and boring....there wasn't even proper traditional local food, just sub-par chain restaurants. I mean they're basically just surviving there, why would they want to explore even further

[@CantoneseCorner]

Your comment made me laugh and strangely super miss Sha Tin at this very moment! :D Although I have to say the daai paai dong at Sha Kok Estate was super local and good as was the tea house in the commercial centre ... back in the day at least. Now I'm not sure - haven't been in forever. :(

[@HOLYMOTHERGOD]

Not only foreigners but also local people has difficulty in making friends. Only if you are willing to join some hobbies group then it may be easier.

[@wsudance85]

Can you make a video talking about the different regions of Hong Kong/places you've lived there?

[@CantoneseCorner]

I know it's been a year since you posted but YES! I've lived in so many different places and it would be fun to do a recap/revisit of them all and what they were like when I lived there .... some are completely different now to what they were then. I will do this soon -- thanks for the suggestion!

[@tszwahyeung1410]

I can see some HK at the bus stop sometimes. Very funny. Because I can hear the difference of the tone. And you can tell the difference from their clothes or make-ups.

[@CantoneseCorner]

Hi Tsz Wah - so true! ☺️

[@bong1077]

Thanks for sharing❤️❤️❤️

[@yuenlucia5454]

As a HK people (I am not the local local one you mentioned tho, I am the local kind that plays rugby, studied abroad, grow up in HK island etc ), it is not easy for us to meet expat friends as well. As most of them do like to meet other expats and prefer living in their bubbles rather than hangout with the locals. I mean, meeting expat friends who are open-minded like you would be nice, but quite a big group of them are euro/american centric. There are expats only like having food in Lai Kwan Fong, just like there are always chinese only hangout in China Town. how can you meet them as friends?

[@CantoneseCorner]

Hi there ... totally agree about the 'bubble'. We used to say that when driving to Tai Tam: "we're entering the bubble!" LOL 😂 And yeah, it goes both ways ... they have to want to branch out of the bubble to engage, and a lot of them have enough going on that they just don't, which is a sad reality. :(

[@canto_v12]

Meeting people is always about stepping outside the comfort zone. That applies to both expats and locals.

[@pierinnaph]

@@canto_v12 Agree, I'm not a hk local, just here for awhile for work and I want to make friends with locals but I always feel resistance. I think it's mainly for the language as I don't speak cantonese, yes it goes both ways. I hope I can find more open minded locals who don't mind expanding their friend group.

[@macfhc8634]

Hi Sue, I am 20's from Hong Kong but I am now living in Japan. 2:25 Generally speaking, Hong Kong people are narrow-minded. My English speaking was terrible when I was in Hong Kong cuz I spent time with locals only. After I came to Tokyo, I've been joining a lot language exchanges where I have a chance to speak English with Japanese people and foreigners. As I join these events, I feel like I am learning a lot of new things which I basically couldn't learn back in Hong Kong. Not that I couldn't but like you said, our education system and culture kinda thing just don't make us doing things like that. Ironically, Hong Kong is being called an international city (but with non-international people). 8:45 I was born and raised in Tsuen Wan and that's true looool 10:00 I don't actually know if I would come back to Hong Kong but if I did I would definitely make myself get to know more expats in Hong Kong like what I am doing in Japan now. 11:40 Yeah, that's true. Family culture is a very top-priority stuff which also makes people over-concentrate on spending time with family. I really meant to use the word over-concentrate. I searched for "learning cantonese" and one of your videos came out. I find them very useful to people who are learning Canto so please keep it up!!

[@CantoneseCorner]

Why I am only seeing so many comments now after a YEAR I don't know, but I am glad I am!! I had to laugh about the "international city with non-international people" - fair comment lol :) Also, I think I get what you mean about "over" concentrate ... maybe sometimes I feel it's an excuse to not be more open-minded and explore a bit more outside their family comfort zone? In any case, thanks so much for commenting! How are things in Japan? I love Japan and if there was an opportunity for me to be there, I would for sure take it up!

[@macfhc8634]

@@CantoneseCorner Thank you for your reply! I almost forgot leaving such a comment lol. Everything’s good here in Japan and I’m still working on both English and Japanese. Hope you can travel to Japan someday after everything’s been settled! Cheers!

[@CantoneseCorner]

@@macfhc8634 I'm so glad to hear all is well and yes, I will most definitely will be travelling to Japan again once life returns to what it used to be! 🤞🤞🤞 Nice to chat with you and have a great day!! 🌸

[@jamesho8558]

I was born here and went to the uk for 10 years... to me its hard to find friends too.. Thanks for pointing out.

[@rexrexrex4400]

A better "cutting point" into the community is grabbing the pulses of it. Say, Mirror and Error are very hot right now. People can have a lot of conversations, even deep ones, if they are part of the phenomenon. Like, the theme song of the latest Error program, a cover of an anime song, and the meaning behind it. Or whether a 40+ person is good to host a "let's chat youngsters" program. Or what is BCI and what brands carry BCI products, and their differences. Or Euro 2021. Or a drama you watched on netflix. Or just gossips. It's about the pulse, the heart beats of city.

[@CantoneseCorner]

I admit I know nothing about Mirror and Error, BCI and which 40+ person is hosting a youngsters programme! And now I have to go learn about them just because I'm curious. For sure, learning about hot topics is important and shows you're interested and care. Good tip!

[@TCFung0101]

That's exactly what I said, though as a Hong Konger who left HK for nearly 30 years, I have to admit that I also don't know too much about Mirror or Error, haha.....

[@sannywong9718]

Thanks for this video! I didn’t grow up in Hong Kong but my parents grew up in Guangzhou and Hong Kong. Even growing up in America, I saw through my family that Chinese people are very practical and efficient! They don’t waste time! Money and education are extremely important to them. Everything you described is my Chinese family in America! The one time I visited Hong Kong, I loved it there. I wonder how I would’ve liked it if I lived there.

[@CantoneseCorner]

Hi Sanny, how are you?? I'm sorry it's taken me forever to see your message. It is so interesting, isn't it, how decisions to move country can shape our entire lives. I often wonder this about my great grandma who moved from Norway in the early 1900s. She left behind a son who wanted to stay and not go to America, and we keep in touch with our cousins, and so I wonder how different our lives would be had we all stayed in Norway. Not sure if I would ended up in Hong Kong had that been the case but who knows?! It's fun to think about. :)

[@cattyjuniper]

Your Cantonese is awesome!

[@貓太郎]

There are also many Hong Kong friends like talking about things out of practical things😁, such as political, drama, film, as specially pets or animal welfare these days.

[@KK-bc6ok]

As a local, I also feel difficult to meet local friends.

[@peteri8599]

If you can sing a beyond song with them on a Friday night after work, you will instantly become better friends

[@CantoneseCorner]

OMG I love Beyond. Was so sad when Ka Kui passed. My favourite to this day is 情人 even though I know it's not their more "famous" ones. I used to read the weather on TVB Pearl and remember seeing them once in the makeup room just as they were starting to become famous. Such a great memory!!

[@nadiagifford9251]

I live in hk 20 years , and barely have any local friends at all, all friends are Filipinos or Indonesians, pakistani , or European expats Hong Kong people are mostly very very cold and ignore you , even in bars they don't want to interact with foreigners.

[@CantoneseCorner]

I know what you mean, and I wish it weren't that way. :( Thanks for commenting ... it's made me realise how many comments I have missed! Hope you're doing OK in Hong Kong with the two-week restrictions. 💞

[@HDsharp]

Thats because native HK people don't make friends willy-nilly with just anyone off the streets or in bars. You really have to be introduced, to a group and slowly win people over. But once you're in and accepted, its for life. Btw, hk people can sometimes treat their friends better than family members. I find the friendship between friends in western cultures can be so flaky by comparison.

[@lebbeus]

Because HK people socialize over hot pot and karaoke and bubble tea over some pubs or bars talking to absolute strangers. Start with one local friend and ask them to bring you to hotpot or karaoke, I’m sure you will meet a ton of HK local friends. But if you keep that western pubs and bars lifestyle, all you will meet are expats or other non-local people

[@keko9592]

At the end, it’s about money and social status. Good analysis.

[@wilsonng7464]

Give the situations in Hong Kong practicality is the key for survival

[@itsme6026]

That’s because it’s easy to fail in America. In HK, competition for universities and jobs is very high. In America if we fail we just find other opportunities. The best entrepreneurs never get things right the first time around. We learn from our failures.

[@craptacular8282]

It's funny, my wife is from Hong Kong and we live in London. She always complains about other Hong Kong people that she meets because they only want to be friends if they think they can get some kind of benefit from you.

[@jackliu2985]

I feel it's hard to make friend when you grow up. neither with foreigners or my people.

[@CantoneseCorner]

There's truth to that I think. Moving back to the US, I feel like people already have their "groups" and have known each other for a long time. I've met some good friends one on one, but for the most part always feel a little bit like an outsider in a group. Or maybe that's just me not wanting to be part of a group of friends lol 😂

[@nelc9824]

Most HK people need to work and survive ie they are not born privileged. Simply hanging out etc won't work, they will focus more on family etc. Now if you ask the rich, then they will hang out and have high tea with you etc. The expectation is high because thats what you need to survive in HK. 👍

[@Sy2023hk]

It's quite clique here, but I'm trying. They always look at me like they suspect I'm going to snatch their wallet. But I see many locals having to join the clique club so that they themselves aren't cold shouldered either. UK is like that too, but not as openly displayed. but London was more open due to its diversity.

[@royli6265]

How, how do speak my language without an accent ...?

[@CantoneseCorner]

Many, many years of practice! 😅

[@alamaemoshi137]

I am a Hong konger. You can speak in Cantonese fluently.

[@alamaemoshi137]

What I want to said is that. You got the point .even I didn’t realise it before

[@alamaemoshi137]

Hong konger just live as a system

[@kennyg-888]

If “local” “local” HKers have trouble making friends with other “local” HKers, what chance have they got making friends with Chinese mainlanders

[@CantoneseCorner]

I think I know what you mean and bridging the HK-mainland divide is a tough one in general. 😣 So close geographically, yet so far away culturally. I often wonder if more had been done before/during/right after the handover to bring them closer together how things would have turned out.

[@chathurasworld]

Thanx for sharing ...

[@CantoneseCorner]

Hey there! I just subscribed to your channel -- I'm so sorry I didn't do it earlier! How have you been? I'll head over to your channel shortly and watch more of your videos -- congrats on getting to 1,000 subs and now more than that! 🎉🎉🎉

[@TCFung0101]

Interesting topic and thanks for your sharing. However, I think this is more a human nature. Just like many Hong Kong/Chinese people who live overseas (the most popular "5 eyes" countries which speak English as the first language), they do also tend to live together for convenience, speak Cantonese all the times (going to yum cha, talk about HK stuffs) and we do feel it very hard to mix with the locals too (but well, I guess the level of acceptance would be totally different as most HK people would be more impressed with a Caucasian lady who can speak fluent Cantonese to them, while we, even can speak English fluently, but locals in these countries would not give a damn because English is the world language so they expect everyone should speak it perfectly and we do look Asian but not White, and that probably explains a lot if not all). I guess this is a difficult thing as we all grow up in a totally different POPULAR cultural settings so it is very hard to find a common topic to talk about: that we mainly watch different cartoons (mainly Japanese ones vs American ones), different TV dramas (OK, TVB Cantonese dramas vs American productions - did you ever watch one while you were there? ), and listen to different pop songs (Alan Tam, Leslie Cheung, Leon Lai, Andy Lau and now probably "Mirrors" and Anson Lo? etc vs the American/British pop stars), reading different newspaper (Apple Diary though it is closed now rather than the SCMP), plus people are relatively not much into sports, etc. The other fact is, how many Western / non-Chinese expats in HK do really (or have ever tried to) assimilate into the REAL Hong Kong life? I am not sure about the current situation, but during my time when I grew up in HK (well nearly 30 years ago before the handover), I had never seen any non-Chinese looking people (be he/she the European or other non-Chinese expats) travelling by bus (yes, you can see them in MTR but just not in the local buses, leave alone the mini bus). You would also never see a non-Chinese looking person living in the lower social-classes towns like Yuen Long, Kwun Tong, Tai Kok Tsui, and Shum Shui Po (though we got quite a few Indian there ) or go to yum cha, or eat in a Cafe De Carol or Maxim fast food restaurant, etc (yeah, the non Chinese expats seem to only like MacDonald's or Starbucks?), or shop in the local shopping malls rather than just the Pacific Place? These are the places where local Hong Kongers go to everyday but you would basically not see their presence at all. Sue, I am not sure about your lifestyle when you were in Hong Kong, but if you lived in Repulse Bay and only hanged out with people in your own circle at Happy Valley, Admiralty, Causeway Bay at the expensive pubs and cafes, just like many other Western expats do, but did not bother to go to the real HK local restaurants or engage with normal Hong Kong people talking about the common topics they are interested to talk about (well, not necessarily the 'practical things' as you said but could be other hot gossip ‘八卦’ topics that people there like to talk about, the ”城中熱話“) - I guess it would be very hard to make a real Hong Kong friend I am afraid but your efforts should be still highly appreciated and given your fluent Cantonese, it should not be too hard (it also depends on how do you define what is a "real friend"), at least there should not be any rejection. Just like we Hong Kongers who live overseas also struggle to make a real local British, American, Australian, Canadian, or New Zealand friend whichever it is no matter how hard we try (and I can tell you that it is much harder as mentioned above) - unfortunately and sadly, this is life.

[@pierinnaph]

uhmmm interesting. I'm not staying for a long time in HK so learning cantonse for me doesn't feeel realistically possible. But I want to go to more "local" places and meet more local people. What advice would you have?

[@lebbeus]

@@pierinnaph go to a handcraft market, talk to the small stall owners there, listen to their stories, make friends with them and make plans with them, they will be more than happy to show you around

[@deroxanlit4181]

I have to say you explain it be very well about chinese value. They do complaint so much. There are no such thing as the best. It MUST BE PERFECT. Everything has to be done so efficiently and can’t make any Mistakes. Any mistakes they will calll you dummie !!

[@ZaddyZavid]

omfg modern living is hard fr. come hang out with me in nyc...lulz

[@deroxanlit4181]

If you can speak Cantonese then you can easily learn mandarin. Cantonese is so hard to learn

[@xuchun5371]

the main reasons I can think of why it is not easy to make "good friends" with locals in Hong Kong is that Chinese people take the meaning of "friends" very seriously, especially with "very good friends" or my "best friends". The Chinese see friendship as a lifetime commitment, not a few minutes of greeting.

[@pierinnaph]

I take that term serious as well, I'm not chinese.

[@KingstonUponThames]

You know hk ppl better than hk ppl themselves.... one more thing i can add as a native chinese is that chinese ppl, in general, are very racist... which culture will have a general consensus of calling foreigners ghosts?

[@CantoneseCorner]

That's one of the first things I learned was that white people were called "gwai" (ghost) ... and I'll never forget the first time someone called me "gwai poh" (ghost 'lady') instead of "gwai mui" (ghost girl) ... I still remember exactly where I was and what I was doing because I was only in my 20s and was SO upset at being called a "poh" 🤣 LOL Now, I come to expect it! :)

[@bingohume7013]

One could use excuses on why it’s so difficult but let’s cut the BS. The root answer is simply this…… if you are of no benefit to the HK Chinese then you are not worth their time. So try as you might to develop an intimate quality friendship with them is futile plus they lack dimensions they only know how to take and to look grandiose. They can’t hold an intellectual conversation that’s why they like to bury themselves into their phones. I could go on but I cut to the chase and got yo the main reason why it’s so hard to make friends with them. Besides it’s their culture that direct family comes first and trust nobody outside that circle of family. I’m not saying there are no friendly HKers all I’m saying like so many others have already in here is they’re a tough nut to crack and it’s not worth it in the end. Bottom line you are as good to them as what they can get from you.

[@HOLYMOTHERGOD]

Not only foreigners but also local people has difficulty in making friends. Only if you are willing to join some hobbies group then it may be easier.