Hot & Cold: Why They Pursue When You Distance - Susan Winter

Ever wondered why the partner who took you for granted suddenly becomes interested the moment you walk away? Learning the psychological basis for the dating game of hot cold frees you to make your own moves, independent of reactivity or false hope.
Work with me: susanwinter.ne...
The Dating Games Guide: You know you're being played, but what's the game?
And what's your countermove?
Not to worry. I’ve got you covered: susanwinter.re...
The Older Women | Younger Men Dating Guide:
Dating a younger man and wondering if it will last?
Attracted to an older woman and not sure how to make your move?
Answers to all your age gap questions: susanwinter.re...
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Allowing Magnificence; Living the Expanded Version of Your Life
www.amazon.com...

[@vt-yp7yq]

No games, no narcissists. I'm happy on my own, dating has become toxic.

[@XxxX-wx3er]

v t - right lol

[@GraceandEd]

v t its so true i cant even

[@m7j23s53]

I totally agree.

[@ddedwards6005]

Agreed!

[@omphiledirero5622]

v t that's ME,I feel exhausted!

[@kartikprasad4359]

People don't appreciate things, until they don't have it.

[@chrismike4377]

well I have my sanity, I appreciate that!

[@oldlarry9234]

Holographic Multiverse - incorrect!...this applies to everyone

[@jacklindsay9395]

This is so true my friend

[@carlel121]

True true true

[@mikyl-fo8rh]

Boom 🎇

[@Blue_Kryptonite]

I'm a female. If friends or lovers become cold, I just drop them and I disappear. I don't have time for games and cut people off real quick.

[@diamondrose34]

A female what?

[@lq4657]

Is that a z?

[@teriballa6282]

The same 😊

[@kevinbrislawn5918]

it must be something your doing they become cold..take some self inventory.

[@lq4657]

@@teriballa6282 I have a mama magma red. Absolutely love it!

[@PhilMihaly]

This concept is incredibly evident when I'm in a relationship. Other girls suddenly start becoming flirty with me. To the point where one would always sit on my lap, and another would stare at me and bite her lip, and touch my hands. But despite all this, I stayed loyal to my girlfriend. But then as soon as my relationship ended, those other girls went completely cold and uninterested. Psychology is depressing once you realize that so much of attraction isn't from genuine appreciation, its simply people wanting what they cant have, and illusions of percieved value. Any man or woman can be manipulated through these psychological triggers. And somebody else can even manipulate your partner in the same way and steal them away from you. It takes the concept of real love and appreciation, and just flaps a giant "F You" on it.

[@felixkhale]

So true

[@dk6173]

Well said. And that mentality and behavior is force fed to us daily.

[@dezyriquez5764]

Poor values and low self esteem causes this!!!

[@johng.4959]

Exactly!!! They are not the right partner for me. I have been playing this game for the last year and I am so completely done!! Thank you, thank you, thank you Susan! ❤

[@cadmarbusinesssuite9155]

Very insightful. You have really increased my awareness. I am proud of you being a woman who is in full possession of your own power and sense of unique beauty.

[@LLisa180]

This was exactly what I needed to hear today. I’ve been involved in a very tumultuous situationship with someone I’ve concluded is a narcissist. There is no other explanation. Only focuses on himself, won’t give me a solid commitment, hot and cold but comes to me when he needs his ego inflated. After 3 years of this BS the blindfold has come off. I don’t even know why I stuck around so long...he was even self-serving in the bedroom...I probably stuck around only because I’m an empath... Susan do you recommend blocking this person on social media? I’m presuming yes, but why would this be a good idea? Empaths find this type of thing hard

[@vanessawest1664]

Honestly - I love everything you post! You are so on the ball and word things in a way that’s so so clear! You are an Angel 👼

[@jessicamarydubois4370]

I can't tell you how many exs wanted me after I had walked away! I hate game playing..

[@danielpurim3519]

Amazing Susan. This is spot on from my experience. This is a well known concept but I love the direct and natural way that you tell it, from your perspective

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you Daniel.

[@leahguillory5681]

Short, sweet & to the point! Thanks Susan!🌺

[@christianpulisic7784]

Leah Guillory,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌷,hope you are with a good man!

[@chaneb8272]

I never had this on/ off relationship with anyone before this guy I realise the main issue and cause of the on/off was in first place I did not have boundaries of what is it I wanted as a relationship with this person I kept breaking up and coming back without 1. trusting my self of why I did not want to stay 2. Coming back without making clear or asking what he wanted now or what I wanted, for example I want a relationship what is it you want? ....I want to just fuck around or I want casual, I want nothing, I dont know what I want 3. You dont know what you want go figure it out and when you know maybe we can talk But you did this and you did that so I cant blah blah, .... sorry but we need to start somewhere , blaming each other wont move us from this toxic place we are right now The mature thing to do and for start if for both of us to be on the same page, right now we are not You behaving like a single selfish bachelor guy and I am investing in a relationship where my needs are not met and I am alone in it, all effort I make toward building a relationship is rejected by you, so we need to decide first if we want the same thing if we dont than it doesnt matter what you or I did , we simply not on the same page So yes, something like that I let myself down, I did not set boundaries, I usually date guys that know what they want and I did have to worry of this I never thought hey a guy date you but he want nothing more Anyway my guy was misbehaving , show no respect toward his partner and I did not stand up for myself firmly So when you make the video, to end the on and off relationship cycle, it is not about you are not good for each other is good relationship need good boundaries People need to want the same thing If he want casual and I want relationship, we are not on the same page, we could go on on and off for 100 years It will always go on and off and " I am not happy to get or be in what I deeply need to feel loved and feel safe and that is for me to be in relationship And his not happy as well as he doesnt want to commit he doesnt want nothing serious So as heart broken that it is, Making sure you are on the same page is the cure guarantee to not start a vicious cycle of on and off Guys, will accept whatever you give them especially if there is no guidance from us ladies The guy meet you and misbehave and dont respect you, you leave him and come back he just going to laugh at your face and go more wild with you Sadly thats what I got Thanks

[@SusanWinter]

Shane, your points about being on the same page and wanting the same things is key. Many people don't know what they want or are afraid to say it. And, boundaries. Yes. We've all broken our boundaries for someone at some time in our lives. Very good analysis. Thanks.

[@kermitTheFrog466]

This is one of the best explanations i ever heard, thank you

[@oldnews2you]

You’re thoroughly amazing Susan - gratitude

[@lisafeola1705]

You are the only person who knows what s going on your amazing

[@reginaldblakey3058]

Human nature is very shifting from reality into desire for what appears unreadable

[@chefdeb809]

Your so right Susan... we want something we can’t have more. 🤔 I found my first true love again after 27 yrs of being apart... We talked aloootttt in the first 2 months... she has a live in G/F of 9 yrs. I broke it off with her the first time 27 yrs ago... and she was insisting she had to see me face to face because this has haunted her for 27 yrs.... she needed to close that chapter... kiss me one more time, talk it out... cry, just move on. She is in Vegas, myself in Mich. so after 3 months of talking and her smooooing me, I finally gave in. It was a very blury weekend, we did sleep together the weekend, and she would take time out everyday to call her girl back home. (Pissed me off) Anyhow.... that was Sept. Slowly she was starting to pull away... saying she has a life, she’s busy... now Jan... she is doing no contact... says I’m too needy, she wants to see if her and the live in G/F can make it work. Mean time, I fell in love with her again... my heart and head are screwed up. Give it to me straight !!! 🧐 I need the unfiltered truth about the whole thing.

[@chefdeb809]

We were together for 8 yrs the first time together.

[@DianaIL1]

I have already been through this cycle with somebody for the last three months. When you decide to pull away for good and not put up with their hot and cold games, how hard will they pursue, usually?

[@SusanWinter]

Quite aggressively. Suddenly, they remember how to treat you well. Eventually, they give up if you don't go along with the game.

[@rojackproductions]

It only took me one weekend of "no action" after 4 days of hot pursuit to smell a problem. I've been watching the behavior now for a month and a half (two weeks was enough), and it hasn't changed. Unbelievable that someone thinks this is alright to do this not only to another human being, but to THEMSELVES. Said he wanted to do SO MANY THINGS (specific) WITH ME (when could we get together, etc), wanted to be "my man," DEFINITELY was into me, etc. Did I EVER even get on one date?? NO, excuse after excuse because I made it clear I wasn't going to do anything before marriage when he brought up hot tubing and traveling, staying at the hotels in his corporate position, etc. He didn't respect standards, and I've slowly now been ghosted. I've never been through something like this before. It was extremely cruel and hurtful since I'm now older than 20, and because he said and looked the part. When you're older and you STILL haven't found anything good since you were younger, it gets to be a little harder. But the fast-moving pace, of course, was so ridiculous and hard to trust. He kept telling me to give him a chance, that he was a really good guy. So I gave him those chances. After seeing he was all talk and no action, I finally contacted our mutual FB friend about him. Found out she went through the same thing with him at about the same time he started contacting me, both of us "older women." Only she wasn't interested in him. I was, so I was baited. I've watched a few vid's now and see that this is more common than I realized. Frustrating and inconsiderate at best!

[@texuztweety]

Fantastic insight! I am so appreciative, a million thanks to you! :)

[@oscarwilliamson1264]

Measure Twice, you are absolutely gorgeous 🌷🌷 🌹🌷 🌷🌹 🌹🌹🌷 🌷🌹 🌹

[@texuztweety]

@@oscarwilliamson1264 Thank you so much 🥰🥰

[@chrisomozuwa4945]

You gave me what i've been looking for. Thanks

[@SusanWinter]

Excellent!

[@MrNYCman530]

When a man is acting too needy, women don't like that. It's a turnoff, a sign of weakness. You cannot revolve your whole life on her alone. You have to show her you have interests and need space.

[@Alkemmiztt]

RufusLeakin accusing me of things, being too clingy all a turn off for me

[@felixkhale]

True

[@mrcheebz4143]

The thing about being needy and clingy....for 1, it's not even bad...it means you give a shit...and for 2, needy comes from the other person being ignorant. Nuff said.

[@carolloraine223]

I believe they just get bored. The "new" isn't working out and they go back to what is familiar. So glad to be Single!

[@dumbguy5435]

What if we inverse the roles ? I'm the guy who got rejected by this girl twice, tried to move on while she went out with another guy. I distanced myself as much as I can (because I see her once a week at work,we're coworkers)and focus on improving myself, working out etc.. try to keep the contact at a bare minimum as just a Hi and a bye. Suddenly she's acting interested and tries to initiate conversations with me while I try to keep it at a bare minimum... the other day, she wasn't even working and came in and stayed around me for about half an hour before leaving, I didn't initiate a conversation with her, suddenly she's also extra nice to me which is weird. If she knows I have feelings for her and she has none, why does she do this ?

[@quynhle2566]

He puts me on the shelf

[@kellybrown3739]

thank you ....well said!!

[@MistaJ_13]

so what do you do? do simply just walk away from this person? just let it all go?

[@mikewolfzorn7128]

My ex has been doing this since December! Now I met someone new. We will see what happens.

[@johnypancreas5160]

Help, I have a neighbor who is just my type, I’m seriously in love with her. She takes pictures of me while I’m at the pool. I have a nice body, 200lbs hard dense and lean but I’m still a virgin. She said to me “Come over.” but I got scared. Then she started calling me gay faggot fuckin queer. So I went over there the other night when I was ready and she said she didn’t say anything. But then again she told me to come over so I got confused. So I looked her up on instagram and sent her a message telling her that I love her and that I hope this isn’t creepy but that I thought I would message her from here since it gets so confusing whenever she tells me to come over from her apt. Next thing I know I get a message from her boyfriend telling me to leave her alone! I cried and I was heartbroken because I had this illusion of the two of us being together. I am 25 and she is 33. She called me an asshole but she still takes pictures of me! I have a model’s body but I’m so shy and awkward and I ignored her when she first moved in because I didn’t want my heart broken. This girl is so hot and beautiful and gorgeous I would do anything to just be with her just one night.

[@johnypancreas5160]

My Therapy yes we are :-)

[@joecylonipa3951]

Thank you so much for this ❤️

[@Verah___]

Sometimes they don’t pursue and that’s okay. I read somewhere that some men are just jerks.

[@alienvspreditor8386]

Thank you

[@SusanWinter]

You're welcome!

[@honeybeegoodreaction5705]

I like your voice.

[@c.h8357]

I am a woman in my twenties and I unfortunately do the push and pull with guys. I have done it without realizing it for many years. I don't want to be like this 😢 So there is no cure for us?

[@muckyguru]

Wow awesome

[@feliolipa3851]

you have a way with words Susan.its like you ve been in all the life situations lol. Anyway you are my favourite coach

[@capt.obvious4487]

How do you deal with someone that acts like this at work? She will flirt with me at work smiles and hellos and then when I am all into it then it stops when I pull away she feels it and we start again but it has been happening for months now so it is kind of getting old hat I am sure in a few more months I will be over the whole thing and kind of play along. I have to work with this person and act like I get along with this person I get along with everyone at my work it will be a bit strange to start acting weird and standoffish around her.

[@jasminepoteat4799]

I was hot and cold with my man until I figured out he just wasnt what I needed. I wasnt sure about him cause I wasnt looking for anyone in the first place. He approached me. I have standards. And he didnt want to follow them. It's no game. Its uncertainty. 🤷‍♀️

[@STEJTHEGREATEST]

Freeze at 0:07

[@kimberlycannon8506]

@susan winter my bf and I had an argument and instead of staying and trying to work it out. he would rather walk away. what do I do??

[@solidcatink]

I walked away 20 days ago. He hasn't contacted me.

[@AuthorJanaeMarie]

I learned my lesson. I'm going to treat people the way they treat me.

[@Aamir694]

Wow

[@patty8945]

Same

[@profi-company_course]

I should, but I can’t

[@chula5519]

Same ❤️

[@CoolClipsable]

"Quickest way to have someone's attention is to remove yours" - A universal rule applicable to all human beings ever existed.

[@carlel121]

True! like another coach says invest as much as he is investing in you, if he gets cold you get cold and see how he reacts, works all the time

[@thebob5568]

the one who cares less holds all the power

[@dk6173]

It is true. But like the above comment be careful because you could miss out on that person who does appreciate you long term.

[@ajdinbasic561]

This comment is the truest thing I've ever read. Weird how just a few words can completely change the way you think.

[@ItsRaitisLV]

That power is very fragile

[@fredmad4988]

Watch out the other one will call you selfish.

[@stiffupperlip4]

power is bullshit

[@sagenosnibor9173]

GAMES GAMES GAMES. You WIN when you stop being the player to their game.

[@SusanWinter]

Agreed.

[@lukeakerboom6298]

You win when you just dont touch or play the damn game

[@mariojerryvazquez8632]

Games my Ass!.. No more playing games with Narcissists. Welcome to Reality. What ever you do or say? Always keep it a Real at all times.👍 Never Lie.

[@lovetrustandpixiedust]

THIS. Don't play into their mind games and you'll live as a happy and unbothered queen.

[@bealazay1730]

I don't want to date anymore. Games people play are bs.

[@e.1766]

I Do wanna date, but my kid & I share a disability. Even if I date a guy long enough to let him in on that, dudes Still play games. So Idk what to do.

[@iAmEdwinHamilton]

Yea I’m over it. Lol. Focusing on new business ventures and building a brand. Making money.

[@brendajackson13]

E. I soo exhausted by the BS and stupid mind games!

[@alexism.7712]

Bea La Zay ikr

[@jamillawatts1243]

Bea La Zay omg me either ugh

[@kevinmalone3210]

"Because this is how they roll." They play the game of hot and cold, you distance, they chase, and when you come back, they will put you right back on the shelf. How true Susan, you hit the nail right on the head in describing these emotional manipulators. Best to just walk away and keep walking.

[@Fumblingthroughlifeonline]

They pursue when you distance??? Not for me. When I distance myself that's it. Never to be heard from again.

[@10isc41]

1983LoneRanger you shouldn’t distance yourself. Just be yourself, treat beautiful girls like anybody else. Do not, and I mean do not treat them better in any way. Just smile and say hi. Be a gentleman and considerate. And always stay productive, on your purpose, be the best you. Learn to love yourself first. That’s all my brother.

[@tonyfuri9693]

1983LoneRanger exactly. Females all mentally twisted today.

[@tonyfuri9693]

Jay MARVLIS I agree and disagree with you Jay. However that technique worked 10 years ago. These days it’s not as effective, guys and myself have tried it many times and we expect them to desire us more because we are playing hard to get but these days girls wanna be pursued 100%. If they see a guy half motivated then they will say “ ok he’s not interested on to the next one of my many options on Facebook and Instagram and Tinder and whatever technological advancement that has only ruined it for us guys due to the large variety of options females have today. Sadly enough. Most woman even want to be the boss these days because of liberal woman empowerment propaganda so us REAL MEN who have a backbone are actually the only guys they wanna sleep with but not marry because they wanna be the leader in the relationship. It’s so backwards today. So sad for us guys.

[@banderas2000]

@@Jaymarvlis i think your doing it wrong. that game is a waste lol. find someone who makes effort. when you flat out ignore it shows u can drop them easily. when they come around for "attention" don't even give eye contact. ha! they will get it. "give them nothing and take from them EVERYTHING!. "

[@RICHY8791]

@@banderas2000 What a great reply. You sound like me lol, I don't take any mess from any female, as soon as you start playing bull shit games I am gone. What's the point of saying Hi to someone you cut off because of disrespect?? You are only giving her free attention that she is going to feed off, she gives you no respect, you give her nothing!!! I totally ghost and that's that!!! You should have treated me well when you had me!!! Don't let them come back because they will be worse the next time and then discard you just to get you back for doing it to them. "Give them nothing and take from them everything" 300 Movie Lol

[@justinorprecio3094]

stay away from players, yes! heard this somewhere, "quickest way to get someone's attention is by removing yours"

[@robertcollins5307]

Justin Orprecio coach corey Wayne he says that a lot but it's a quote from someone I can't remember! but it'd a true saying !

[@SusanWinter]

Correct.

[@SusanWinter]

While that's true, it's still a 'game.' And the game locks in both players. That's my ultimate concern. Even with distancing (to get the attention one seeks), the game continues in circles with no true endpoint of partnership.

[@amadeus5403]

Men have to be players because women have too many sexual opportunities and lesser logic in comparison to a man. Lesser logic and more chance for sex leads to reckless sexual behavior. Lol in my 20s I knew multiple women who had over 30 sexual partners. A man need to play the game with a sharp mind and stop letting these promiscuous women have the upper hand.

[@southwestxnorthwest]

Corey Wayne

[@AM-yj5jx]

I was going to call him again. Thank you for stopping me.

[@ivy3839]

A M don’t , not worth it . Let him chase .

[@andreim841]

Scarcity creates value...

[@felixkhale]

Best comment.

[@SuperLuckao]

FAMILIARITY IS WAY LOVELIER. the more me and mine r together the lovlier it is. we both love to be smotherd.

[@johngallagher72]

The diamond water paradox . Why are diamonds considered more valuable than water

[@athanasiatzr385]

All of this is true . When a man really likes you he always appears in front of you , needs to see you very often and is always around you with some excuse .Those who play games arent really into you .

[@g.d.3279]

Athanasia Art your statement is correct, I'll give you that. As soon as a man is there for a woman, the women starts having doubts about him. Why is he always available? Why is he so nice to me? He must be a weak man. I hate to play these games and all the BS keeps my true interest in a woman at 50% because when i go at 75% or 100% i dont want the BS of her pulling away..

[@chrismike4377]

she keeps popping up where I am, being stalked... thinks she owns me, threatens every other female I have ever spoke to, true story, all recorded...

[@smitty54017]

Men like that get friendzoned.

[@Rocket9944]

@@g.d.3279 , Yup, this is happening to me right now, I feel as soon as u give her over 75% the games start.

[@agee7777]

then you get board of him and sleep with the next the guy next door!

[@HoustonHoney]

I used to think men were like dogs (jk, I love men) but they are really like cats! You can't chase a cat. Ignore them and they suddenly come around, purring and flicking their tail lol

[@rbaker368]

This is such a great post!! It can be so frustrating to be on the receiving end of this when you don't realise what's going on. It's very empowering to know you can walk away, and feel confident you're not missing out on ANYTHING!

[@SusanWinter]

Awesome commet. Thank you.

[@dl3241]

If someone pulls away and doesn't pursue you even after playing hard to get, they still are creeps. Move on.

[@annisahasan57]

You have a nice house

[@TeraJackson]

Wow! So powerful and true. I have a guy who is playing this exact thing. He will not have contact with me for a month or so and then he pops back up like he never missed a beat. He always come with an excuse as well like "I've had a lot happen recently." I've been dealing with him awhile but I'm so over the games. I have to make sure that as I am walking away that I keep walking. Thanks!

[@tonyfuri9693]

Tera Jackson you probably won’t walk away, That’s why you’re reassuring yourself

[@1perfectstrangerr]

And it makes you want him all the more. .woman always want the guy beyond their reach. Always....

[@tonyfuri9693]

1perfectstrangerr hahahahahahaha exactly. We both know her well

[@pleni78]

He should have waited for you to contact him... if that ever came to happen!

[@nimaomohamoud5744]

these woman is very smart. I love her advice

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you nimao.

[@koreenalaw1558]

She is very smart

[@kevinbrislawn5918]

This woman..

[@barbarariley3488]

I get such a kick out of watching you. You are a beautiful lady. I am.70 yrs old.and your advice.has helped me in a long distance relationship. I think the old fart is starting to ghost me. The old fool. See troubles with men never ends. Ghosting is all new to me. Love.ya girl. You are a smart cookie.

[@SusanWinter]

What a delight to read your message Barbara. You are one 'together lady!' Happy hunting!!

[@islandgirlruby2750]

Lol, I think I’m being ghosted right now!

[@cr4228]

Try old fools at 85.

[@cr4228]

@keith cunningham because he probably lead her on and now is onto something else because he is a man. Correct, good, he is gone.

[@rhondaf2214]

I just got ghosted at 68! Incredible how cowardly some men can be. And I had the nerve to feel bad about it. I’m finally realizing he would never have gotten anything out of my time and effort.

[@DavidTeerTheBackyardUfologist]

Bull crap! No. That's game playing. Fear of commitment. No love. Only conquer. When two "TRULY" fall in love the other goes out the window. You accept them warts and all. In others words Unconditional Love. Anything else is a game and is unhealthy and dysfunctional.

[@victwenty2324]

WITCH IS 100% FEMALE NATURE A WOMAN CANNOT LOVE that is the truth they dont tell you its science fact a female canot love u back as soon as men realise this there alone and happy usually after a marriage a house and a separation and child support

[@UmbriellSattori]

I dont want hurt your idealistic ideas. But Unconditional Love is possible only for men. Womens love is Always CONDITIONAL !!... Always.

[@SuperLuckao]

correct, i agree

[@SuperLuckao]

i love mine unconditionally..like a doormat. except he never walk over me nor wipes his feet. he kisses them ..sigh

[@yvonnetellez400]

So agree.. Once I see game I lose interest.. Don't test me either that's still a stupid game.. I'm too old for this crap..

[@QueenChastity]

There will be no hot and cold over here...it’s either you want Me all the time or you don’t. Period.

[@JohnDoe-cq2fg]

It’s quite sad really. Once you first break up I don’t think it’s ever really the same again. It’s sad how someone you really did care for a loved is now just a game. I can only have her if I ignore her, which is the same as not having her... Or I can chase her and never have her. The only thing you gain by ignoring her is your dignity but in the end it’s the same result and it hurts just as bad.. if not more because you have to mask how you really feel for your self pride and never truly tell them how you felt. The only thing to do is suck up the pain and trust that time will heal things, it’s hard when you develop relationships with their family too, you don’t just lose them you lose a family and it’s so sad. I wish humans could just be honest with eachother and not let ego or pride get in the way. I guess we don’t really work like that though and with the way social media is making people feel less and less worthy, the need to put up guards to defend the ego will only get worse. God I hate relationships.

[@CoolClipsable]

That's the default tragedy of the human race. You can only blame God for this.,

[@desireepajela1074]

It's hard to let go if you have also attached to their family

[@etherealdeal1792]

God this is so true. If u want a man to commit distance yourself, leave town for the weekend... be less available... it works

[@caineable4525]

eTheReal Deal Good luck with that...

[@michaelaturner8996]

When I went away for the weekend, his abusive NPD kicked in. Needless to say, I never accepted his call or email again. I saved myself. Good riddance.

[@g.d.3279]

Thats not always the case..when the girl i was dating was not available one weekend, i still went out with friends and met 2 other girls. The original one i was dating still hasn't called or tried saying hi or anything..i have not communicated with her just to see if she persues me but hasn't yet..

[@xm377Moyocoyatzin]

These mind games only work on men who are not aware of them. Thanks to the internet the majority of men are very aware of these head games that women play. Men call it _"The Shit Test."_ The moment a man realizes he's being played he has a literal playbook on how to lead the woman on with her own game and as soon as he gets what he really wants that is when the dreaded _"ghosting"_ phenomena happens, that is when he disappears from her life without an explanation.

[@6688ya]

@@xm377Moyocoyatzin the reason players and pimp exist. Is because back in the old days . men began to studys woman nature figured out their mind games . and used it against them (👩 woman) .. All of this games is created by woman ... Whether you believe in god or not .. The bible. Clearly states. That eve was the 1 one who brought sinn into the world by listening to satan .. And took adam down with him .. If adam would stood up to Eve and personally kicked her out the garden of Eden .. GOD. Would of been proud . because Adam was God's 1st creation .. And he gave man authority over everything on earth.. Eve was the second creation from adams rib.. Therefor .woman must submit to her .man .. The men must protect. Be the leader of in the relationship.. Now we living in a feminist society .. Women claim to be equal to a man .. Thats false 100% todays relationship between and woman . has been the worst. Then any other decade .

[@lauramci22]

sounds like he just wants an ego boost

[@SusanWinter]

Exactly.

[@barbarariley3488]

Oh don't we all want an ego boost. I could use one from time to time.

[@silverstone9109]

Same with females..

[@Francelli22]

Thank you so much for explaining this. I couldn’t understand why I still had this person on my mind. There was nothing about him that I was truly interested in, but he was always on my mind. Makes complete sense. Thanks!

[@christianpulisic7784]

Celli Love,You look stunning 🌹🌷🌷,hope you are with a good man!

[@Francelli22]

@@christianpulisic7784 thank you!

[@christianpulisic7784]

@@Francelli22 Which country are you from?

[@louie8425]

@@Francelli22 I tell you a secret, he was thinking about you too. Lol

[@kateritekawidtha6465]

The devil's playground has become extremely stank in the dating world. I will not allow myself to partake in that ludicrousy. I will be ok on my own. I L💛VE ME enough to be HAPPY in LIFE.

[@surviveit4230]

Completely agree. I have just started pulling away because it was all about sex and no emotional shoulder to lean on. I was a convenience and im worth more so slowly i backed away

[@SuperLuckao]

run. dont walk.

[@davecross4493]

Relationships like that don’t end up working.

[@robertcollins5307]

Hi you have no idea how much better and wiser you have made me feel ! These happens to me all the time ! They ignore me soo I just send polite message Sorry I don't play games ie hot and cold ect and best wishes to you. Then they reply immediately! ! to try hook me back in !! Is so hard dating these days bit thanks to your awesome advice I feel soo much better about it and feel optimistic! Robert from uk :)

[@SusanWinter]

Hello Robert from the UK. Here's the good news; the tide is turning. The more we decode this power trip, we take it out of the realm of confusion. Now that you see the patterns, you know what to do. And like yourself, there's a huge mass of individuals who're seeking healthy partnership. By freeing these individuals from the hooks of the player, they're now able to meet someone like themselves. Hang in there. You're clear. And people are getting smarter and moving toward healthy and rewarding relationships. Thanks for your note.

[@robertcollins5307]

Susan Winter Thank you as always ! your a beautiful person inside and out :)

[@SusanWinter]

thank you Robert.

[@redroses8025]

Robert Collins not all people play this. But many do. :)

[@Artemis1915]

Robert Collins n n

[@ariesariesfearless4810]

NO i wont give my full trust and love to a a man.. And nver expect anything ... If u love me hold me if not damn im willing to move forward ☺☺☺☺ i know myself im worthy and valuable n u cannot find someone like me anymore

[@empiricwisdom7902]

Just so everybody knows: this happens with both genders. Both man and women do this. People only value others (speaking of romantic relationships) when they are either hard to get, or when they feel they are loosing them (or when they've effectively lost them). Become a bit detached, and you won't get affected by this.

[@SusanWinter]

Thanks for the clarification. Almost all of what I talk about is gender neutral.

[@constancegoldwing5867]

Exactly. I had a huge crush on a married man for a year. We work in a professional capacity. I knew he liked me too, however when I found out he was married I "left his orbit". He did everything in his power to try to get me back. Talk about NIGHTMARE.

[@SerbyWafflesTech]

If he is willing to cheat on his wife, you are not any different

[@careditor]

Well I stopped pursuing, didn't make myself available and nothing, she didn't come get me, might as well been invisible. :)

[@lisa863uknowme]

Lol its ok people are different

[@kimmcleod]

I think a lot of this nonsense is social training; not so much human nature. Narcissism is learned/taught and these iodiots are taken advantage of it. If it were truly human nature everyone would be doing it. It's childish, immature behavior that should be avoided.

[@dk6173]

I think culture has a lot to do with it. Especially here in the west.

[@SassyBat]

Hard to hear but perfect advice - amazing timing for me to see this, trying to muster up the courage to just walk away from a hot and cold partner. Thank you, you're so right - the cycle will never change.

[@SusanWinter]

I'm so relieved to know you saw this video at the right time. Thanks for your note.

[@marcyallison5996]

SB you are so right!!

[@Femininelovevibes]

It's incredibly hard and confusing

[@WorldOfARandomVegan]

jojoangel1983 Yes.

[@glorious6779]

This was so awesome! You can see between the lines. It is an ego boost when they finally pay attention. You have to leave some mystique and have some self esteem. Either play the game for your ego boost or build your self esteem and say I deserve better and move on . They want you obsessed with them.

[@SusanWinter]

Julie Ryan you're correct on all counts.

[@stoica5057]

Yes it,s true! ..They want you obsessed with them.,,That guy who ,s intention was to ghost me ..told me :,,I want you to crave me,,this was a red flag for me and i block him.Soo self centered!He had such an energy that exhausted me !Vampire energy !It was a painfull experience to me ...i never date online.This happend in facebook ,and i learn to become more selective then i have been before with the peopele that i allow in my life.I learn to guard my heart ,mind and energy .

[@muradiamca6318]

Yes

[@SWIFTzTrigger]

this only works on people with low self esteem

[@chrisv9204]

When you are in love darling you give second chances cause you follow your heart not logic, after trial and error you know what's good for you and you choose it. But don't have the illusion that you know what's going on with the other person or with anyone else..... So don't put labels

[@diamondforevermine]

Your house is so neat, clean and spacious. I love it.

[@Lee-ig8vr]

😂 I was looking at that too!

[@centaurixmedia9108]

Hi Susan! I respect you very much, but don't think it's that black or white. In some cases maybe. But I believe some people are able to wake up and change when their partner walks out. Some are too egotistical too change. But a nice guy like me am spending almost all my free time now on learning how to be a better partner because my lover withdrew her interest. I want to make my girlfriend feel special, loved and protected.

[@SusanWinter]

You're the exception to the game of hot and cold...because you weren't playing a game. I've worked with a good number of men who want their girlfriend/fiancee back. They are the most hardworking and humble men I know. Take heart. All of your inner work will be evident on the outer as well. Wishing you the very best.

[@centaurixmedia9108]

Thank you so much Susan :)

[@felix64able]

I had a gf, that I did backflips for...I thought I made her feel special and loved, I guess that wasn't enough....still after 3 years I can't shake that feeling of I wasn't good enough!

[@felix64able]

Mantraone Mantra yea it has!

[@redroses8025]

My bf got panic after i broke up with him..and i said why.. I took him back with a warning,if he continued with his bad behaviour,i would leave.. He has stopped. He stopped that day when i broke up. And he is making progress everyday now..❤ All the best to you 😊

[@energygiver]

I like the sound of your voice and how so Passionate you sound! New subbie !

[@MrStano-jy3ts]

Hot & Cold behaviour = Kindergarden

[@vicky2glam366]

Just keep walking!!! Shocking but is true.

[@stephv75]

Wow I'm glad I found your vids! But makes me sad. I love this guy and I think he's doing this to me now.

[@SusanWinter]

Sorry about that Stephanie. Hang in there- and make sure you get some great tools and tips for moving forward.

[@anthonyaferrara]

Stephanie Guersey m

[@kayleemitchell8155]

This is so true ! We always want what we can't have

[@Lioness417]

Yaaay I loved this and you have the coolest voice 😊 *subscribed*

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you!

[@oracularcomet1915]

I'm going through this and you sooo explained it!Thank you Susan!Your awesome!

[@aliyarahman85]

I am just about accepting that this happened to me. What hurts is that I was honest and open with my heart. I am so so hurt but I will do what is right. Just to keep on walking

[@BeccaSmith124]

Its true but the person needs to actually like the other person for this to be "missing" feeling. As well, games games games. :(

[@lioydwilliams1850]

Becca Smith, you got a lovely smile

[@haitianprodigy8600]

Aside from your good looks, your place look extremely clean! Beautiful and a neat freak, my kind of lady.

[@apriltiff1866]

Haitian Wood yes she's beautiful and very nice house, also great advice.

[@SusanWinter]

Thanks April

[@BornToBeFamed]

Who ever initiated the “distance” or need a “break” those are who ones who need to reach out. Simply walk away, and focus on you. If u feel compelled reach out but, just be you and do you.

[@jenniferrose2371]

I love your suggestion , just keep walking 🚶 great voice

[@mysticmel6506]

thank you. going through this lol

[@SusanWinter]

Hi Mel. Don't bite the bait. When you understand the pattern (and its eventual outcome) you'll be able to keep walking, knowing you're missing nothing.

[@lovemecom3832]

This video make sense, it may help to other people to move on and go on with thier lives.

[@jonvolcaman9309]

LoveMe,com easy for you to say.

[@roadkingtouringnz9220]

I like your analogy explanations, i found it very clear and easy to understand and so true, its just a game for some.

[@sugarandspice2136]

But how do you not allow someone to completely have you that fast, but not risk losing them altogether??

[@Warrior_Princess_1111]

If they really want you then the loss will never happen. I let people lose me. I don't care if they come back.

[@yverak5504]

Susan I maintained no contact for seven mths and now he's in hot pursuit,the thing is that I 've seen him for who he truly is ,hes begging but that pain he caused me 'Ive learned my lesson.

[@karenwilliams8977]

Oooo! You nailed it! I have been on someone's ( more than one) bucket list, since I was a teenager! I am over 40! No, don't fall for it. You don't want to be the buckle on his belt.

[@SusanWinter]

Thanks for your comment, Karen.

[@TheLivala]

I was with someone for 15 months, with our relationship ending a year ago. In may we saw each other but he was inconsistent and I knew I messaged first. I was done. In August he came back into my life. I showed less interest yet he messaged more and was more consistent. An obsession grew again so I asked for space. It felt too much like a game. Still feel at times like he was my true love.

[@nitinjoseph4279]

Heyy are you guys together now?... Because my story is kindaa... Sameee too.. I'm just soo f-ked up in my head ...and hurt and lost .. need some help❤️

[@TheLivala]

@@nitinjoseph4279 no we aren't! He has been living in NZ since before covid too

[@chrisv9204]

Or he's an aquarius who does everything for months to have you and when you reciprocate, he ghosts you forever.

[@SparklyGirl9911]

I ❤️ your analogy about the supply and demand of water. I think a lot of people like the “catch and release” technique. Dating has gone from Courting to Sporting. The number of eligible bachelors over in my city is very slim. I think that is a contributing factor to lacking confidence and going back in for round two only to be tossed back out to sea 😳.

[@zoniabell963]

He did this to me for 2 years then moved a girl in with him then replaced her with his ex whom he is now engaged to. He’s a joke

[@njhotroder]

High school games. I see woman do this and i laugh. I move on to the next one. Total waste of time.