Dating Games: The Truth about Hot and Cold Partners

The hallmark of self-acceptance and self-love is to be able to stand in front of someone and be completely transparent and open. This is the exact opposite of hot and cold partners. Learn the secret they’re hiding from you to turn the tables on the game.
Work with me: susanwinter.net/consultation/
The Dating Games Guide: You know you're being played, but what's the game?
And what's your countermove?
Not to worry. I’ve got you covered: susanwinter.retrieve.com/stor...
The Older Women | Younger Men Dating Guide:
Dating a younger man and wondering if it will last?
Attracted to an older woman and not sure how to make your move?
Answers to all your age gap questions: susanwinter.retrieve.com/stor...
Rough breakup?
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Allowing Magnificence; Living the Expanded Version of Your Life
www.amazon.com/dp/1479176087?...

[@dlwilliamson5644]

"Don't be someone's down-time, spare-time, part-time or sometime. If they can't be there for you all the time, they're not even worth your time. "

[@day_dreamer_]

"Power in a relationship is the ability to stand in front of another human being, and openly, transparently exhibit love and be willing to take the outcome." Perfect quote!

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you day dreamer!

[@Jesuslily]

@@SusanWinter Yet is it really wise, when a woman does this to a man? Susan, you say: "I love you, deal with it". I really want to say this to a man, but I am afraid it would scare him completely away. I do believe in classical roles of the sexes and that the man should pursue.

[@Fiveandime]

@@Jesuslily can we we commit to one another male and female to communicate properly (learn healthy communication).

[@renlo6793]

putting your cards on the table and see the response how they really feel

[@LRaine73]

This made sense to me. Soon as I did this and stood up for myself, stood my ground as being transparent, vulnerable yet showing love....he not only ran, he blocked me. The sad thing was that right before he did it, he said said he’d see me soon , xoxo...then blocked.

[@ClaireA_LeonB]

“Their greatest fear is that if they stand still long enough, you will see them. You will see through them.” Wow, that statement really opened my eyes. Thank you so much.

[@vincentdesoto7350]

I've learned that if you are open and tell them how you really feel and what bothers you about their behavior,they double down and use what's bothering you against you.

[@fabstouchcosmetics3191]

Yes

[@reginapolo3357]

And thats when you must dump them and find a man with better self esteem

[@stephenvegh3325]

I totally agree with this. So many "dating coaches" say confronting this is being "needy". I disagree.

[@michy3075]

I really needed this. I'm in tears right now. I thought I was going crazy & u have allowed my mind to come to peace.

[@AnnayoguiniMiami]

Same here! So enlightening!

[@mzsommore]

Yes 👍 she has! What a relief!!

[@UnexpectedWonder]

I feel ya.

[@Malak-io2bq]

I feel you and it drives me crazy . This video helped me re-claim my power and stop trying to fix issues in my personality he made think I have in the first place

[@dreamteam1428]

I hope you’re okay now

[@samanthajane11.11]

Hot and cold, is so painful. Im pulling back. 😞

[@faceintree]

Thank you, Susan! So true! I recently told him: "No contact = no relationship. This isn't working for me." Being the emotional coward that he is, he never responded. It's all about control & power games with these people. They are weak & fragmented. Don't let them waste your time - you are too valuable as an authentic, loving person.

[@bogdanafilonich33]

Similar I had seen this guy for 3 month and he would schedule a date, then suddenly cancel..i texted him that I like spending time with him, but tired of it, said that I give him 2 weeks to think about and tell me Yes or no. He never replied. I still feel sad, but I am really glad I did it.

[@leaahmed1952]

Block em it help moving on and never looking back

[@salt.and.light.]

Don't let someone waste your time like this for three years, I've had this situation going on for three months and even that has been a complete waste of life. Spot these signs early and walk away. Always remember that you deserve better than being someone's little toy that they play with when and if they feel like it.

[@joaofernandes1433]

This is fire, i am a hot and cold person but this video opend my eyes to change my behavior, thank you for this great Video

[@kristinlee9485]

You are SO right! Sadly women have been told that if they question what a guy's motives she will come across as desperate. I really hate that a lot of women believe that asserting themselves about what they want and don't want makes them look clingy, desperate or "crazy". I've definitely been in this position with hot and cold men and simply stating (calmly) that they're indecisive behavior is confusing and because of it I'd rather not be contacted by them any longer... wow! Watch them really lose their cool. It only confirms that they are indeed the powerless ones, not the girl who speaks up. People who are confident in expressing their feelings are absolutely the strong ones. People who play games are weak.

[@catherinewylie6959]

Beautiful! I just don't let them get another chance. I've learned the hard way that it never gets much better once things start out this way.

[@anthondeutsch3133]

Women do hot and cold also

[@kristinlee9485]

@@anthondeutsch3133 yes, women too

[@shellym1736]

This is so true. The very moment I had called them out, they either go back to being the infamous pretentious one, or accept their wrongdoing whole heartedly but no accountability in return, instead escaped the confrontation by discarding me! 🤣 It's so confusing and detrimental to the other person's mental and emotional health,

[@1chienandalou]

Good for you! I didn’t know women are told this but I grew up around boys/men. If someone is going to be turned off by reasonable questions and/or wants a quiet obedient robot or a doormat isn’t for me nor am I for them. And guess what, at no point in my life have I even been remotely “desperate“. 😂😂😂 ... it’s a good way to not get involved with people who aren’t gonna be good anyway.. be yourself and be clear what you want from the start. If someone turns aggressive or avoidant when you call them on things, especially if you do it rationally/logically, that is no good. Oh and a man can always call a woman “crazy” etc. in any case. Those kind of guys find something. Bullet dodged.

[@day_dreamer_]

Self love and self honor will magnetize healthy masculine energy to the feminine, we have to stop chasing, fixing, working so hard and just trust in it, let go of control and stand in our power....that sends a powerful signal....feminine energy is receptive...big lesson for me!

[@SusanWinter]

Absolutely.

[@ketotips2share436]

I totally agree. We naturally chase when we are interested in a man. The definitions of chase have been skewed, I think. The masculine and feminine energies provide the polarity of attraction. The man sets up a definite date. We accept if we are attracted. Afterwards, we let it be known via text, emails, or phone calls that we had a good time and if he did, we wait for his next invitation. If men OVER pursue us, we get turned off. It has to be give and take. And since we are the nature nurturers, we reach out and communicate our interest naturally. As Susan teaches, we need to be in it. Not play games. If he plays games, we don’t have to comply. A real man doesn’t play games. He extends the invitation and lets us know he is interested and treats us as such. Assholes are just playing games. Not a real man. Keep the party moving. Haha Love yiu, Susan! 💕💕💕💕🤗🤗🤗🤗

[@lukeakerboom6298]

Reading that as a man...I couldn't agree anymore

[@AngelinasAngels]

Pow!!! And she hits the nail on the head...dont play the game raise them to your standard!!!

[@peace4mefinally114]

Angelina ballerina exactly I’m learning this after the fact but never again, never never never again! Live and learn and what a heart wrenching lesson it has been.

[@Zenstorm1111]

Wow, everything you said is so on point. My Ex broke up with me 3 times in a span of 2.5 months and kept coming back. And I kept taking her back because the 'hot' cycle was so alluring. I know she needs the attention to thrive on and hates it when I don't give or reward the 'shit testing', so now she's trying to make me feel worthless/powerless by ending us again. With the help of your advice, I'm beginning to feel stronger and more confident than ever. Thank you so much for your teachings.

[@SusanWinter]

So pleased you decoded the 'mystique'- that's huge!! Never again will you be fooled by illusion.

[@lailamnn2328]

True

[@magnetman3t725]

Yeah I just went through that with a woman she played hot and cold. I called her out on it and found my answer and walked away. She did not look attractive anymore and I’m glad I stopped. When someone really likes you they will not play this game

[@andreeaciobanuc404]

What did she tell you? Why was she doing it exactly?

[@lilap9859]

I had to watch this more than once! Best advice!! You’re such an intelligent classy woman! Thank you for this!

[@SusanWinter]

YOu're welcome!

[@monp.4903]

Me too!

[@rotormeeeeeeee]

I also watched it several times. So much insight in this video...

[@peace4mefinally114]

lila P twice for me too. Needed to hear it again for it to sink in. I love Susan for her concise and profound wisdom

[@patobrien6364]

SPOT ON !! I just shook down a girl & told her to get back to me if she changes her mind. Life is too short , to put up with flakey women & my time is too valuable to waste

[@Mancer1980]

Thank you for this Susan - being a guy who's been burned many times it's comforting to know I wasn't crazy for being open and honest with people - even if things didn't go exactly the way I'd hoped.

[@theelegantstylist]

Wow. A game many of us know well, but never heard it explained so eloquently. Very enlightening. That really grabbed my attention. Bravo Susan, and thank-you!

[@SusanWinter]

Thanks you Jordan, for your gracious note.

[@Terapie_Lesem]

One of your best videos. You saved me a lot of pain and gave me power to end the game finally. Thank you, Susan, you are a blessing to us!

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you for this note, Katka!

[@eveheart2876]

IKR. I’m watching this video twice

[@noraa2497]

Omg..this is exactly the conclusion I have reached about my boyfriend! Soom to be ex! A year ago I thought he is the one! After removing the rosy shades and taking a step back. I have noticed that he is not shiny anymore. He is empty , no essence or value! It all fake confidence, smoke and mirrors. Yes and alots of running about, avoiding real connection! Yes I can see that being around him is exhusting and boring and hot cycle really can't make up for the coldness! I don't know how to dump him without making a big deal of it. Am angry and would like to disappear from his life without bothering to explain! Just like what he've done to me! Shut me out in the cold. Until I knew what am dealing with! Am good now. So true what you said! One time he said word for word :"it's alot of hard work being me"! Shame if he put all that work in connection, authanticity and vulnerability! He woul have been a soght to be held! Thanks again!

[@reemadeo5974]

Nora, I had been experiencing the same thing for past two months. Feel like I have wasted two months of my precious life on a stupid person. Me too thought that this one was my forever person. His hot and cold behavior drains energy out of me. The energy which I could have used to in same other areas of my life. But now I have decided I will dump him on his face if he calls me anytime soon. I definitely don't want to continue with this negative energy next year 2019. Already i got things planned for 2019. The least I want is someone draining my energy. It is time to cut his BS out of my life. And like what Susan said I look forward for the one who will love me with openess, confidence and with dignity. Period. Thanks Susan for your advice.

[@noraa2497]

@@reemadeo5974 funny of all the possible days you could have replied! You have done this today! I have just finalised it with him today💔💔 I have done everything in my power to fix the situation, give him space, love him more, remove myself, get more involved! Lost my cool, my energy and myself! Despite knowing that what I thought is the real thing and finding out that this man is emotionaly petrified and can't allow open, transparent love to exist hence he shut me out. Left me in the cold. Got me so near then slam! Am out😅 It hurts so bad! Am dazed! I usually cry so easily! Today I can't! I walk miles a day, today I find it hard to walk to the loo!! I was sure, it's the right thing to do! Not so sure now! Maybe I was hasty! Maybe I miss interpreted the situation! Maybe more pain is yet come! Maybe time will heal us all! Maybe doing the right thing is so so hard sometimes! Maybe that's the price of trying to remain genuine and true! Good luck for both of us on what's yet to come🤗 Thanks Susan Winter for putting it out there in black and white! Making it clear thats it's a simple invite to the light and no game of hide and go seek. Am not sure if am the dumper or the dumpee(got dumped).

[@AntuNeelesh]

ahahahaha oh Susan, you are fantastic buddy :) you speak on complex topics in a very lucid manner which is understandable....thanks for this video

[@TheLUCYCAT]

"Courage to love." Very important words. Thank you.

[@trudyramgren3379]

Thank you Susan!!! I have to say I played that game for 3 years and finally got out. I'm completely off of the merry go round and have no contact. My days of frustration, crying, and fighting are a thing of the past. He's history and I feel very empowered!!!

[@BrothaNeo]

I must say that this channel is 1 of the very few channels that teaches MATURITY within relationships! Including my own channel lol! This information keeps me coming back for more! I have learned that in order to recognize maturity, it helps having some form of maturity within ourselves! Thank you for your channel here! I appreciate it.

[@gerr2035]

Omg, you have answered the $5 million dollar question of how to deal with hot/ cold players. Thank you!

[@queenlatifa9148]

Thanks so much. You,re a very intelligent lady and you hit the nail on the head everytime. It,s so much better to confront these players and stop their games so they realise they can,t play you. It will infact increase their respect for you and you get to keep your self respect too. Love is not playing games. Love is not a power struggle. Love is a healthy respect and admiration for someone. If someone is playing hot and cold with you then they don,t have that love for you. They are on a power trip for themselves

[@SusanWinter]

Beautiful commentary, Bonnie. Thank you.

[@DONT4GET_SUNSCREEN]

I've known for quite some time that I had the power but was scared of losing him.😟 NOT ANYMORE!!😊 💙💙💙💙 Now he calls and texts like never before. NOPE NOT INTERESTED. BUH BYE!!

[@peace4mefinally114]

Ms. Peaches yep they are so pathetic, it’s called the Hoover! As soon as you’re not interested boy they chase you like you’ve never seen anyone chase anyone before. So grotesquely emotionally immature and shocking to see from a grown ass adult behave in such a loser fashion. I admire your bad ass strength and confidence, you go girl! You deserve a wonderful love that treats you like the queen that you are 💜

[@lifebeelifebee9214]

Good for you. The can chase as much as they want, but at the end - they would never change. that's where their excitement comes from, unfortunately. From dysfunction.

[@clairewolf6013]

"I love you - deal with it!" XD That's great. It's what I did. Guy didn't love me back. Saved me a lot of time and from more heartbreak than necessary. Feels like the Gandhi way of love. Just standing there, vulnerable, open and not even trying to fight or hide.

[@How.Dare.You.]

i cant how incredible ive discovered you!!!!! youre sooo wise!!!! i can listen to you 24/7

[@BlackMagic1222]

Brilliant, just brilliant! Thank you for clarifying the twisted game some people play. It’s confusing and hurtful and so childish. The worst part is not knowing you’re part of a game until an incredible lady gives you the rest of the puzzle pieces to put together. Thank you for sharing. I think you’ll save a lot of pain for a lot of people. 😊

[@jezabel279]

Your videos are super inspiring Susan! Thanks a lot for sharing your knowledge!!

[@jimstevens1726]

I found your videos about a month ago. I spent months watching all the other coaches on KZbin. Their advice made the situation worse. You straightened my mind out.

[@taylorchase2346]

Your videos are amazing! They explain everything I have been wondering for some time about a guy that I've liked for months. Thank you!

[@theoffice3424]

Thank you so much Susan! You just opened my eyes in a huge way you have no idea. Putting me at ease and how to deal with all of this I can't thank you enough for pointing me in the right direction! Bless you xox

[@IDEALCONFIDANT]

Great advice. So succinct and to the point. Call him out and tell them you don’t have time for the hot & cold games. “Hey I like you, I don’t have time for your hot & cold games.” Boom 💥!👏🏾

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you!

[@AkaHeart1]

Great topic!! Will definitely keep that in mind!!

[@AnnayoguiniMiami]

This IS the BEST commentary I’ve ever heard! So enlightening! THANK YOU!

[@melp9132]

This was absolutely the most eye opening thing I have heard. With my current situation, this makes so much sense. Thank you! Susan, you are amazing!

[@susangj300]

Yes yes yes yes yes yes. Just...YES to all of it.

[@totalwomanja9105]

Wow! Your work is brilliant and always eye-opening. Love you lady. Thank you.

[@UnexpectedWonder]

"They don't like themselves." You get that sense too. The Women I experience this with distances themselves, pushes away, and/or ghosts.

[@catherinewylie6959]

I love how both you and your surroundings always look so put together. I think it is important to have a functional clean space and to always look your best out of self-love and for the sake of clarity and purpose in life.

[@christiewelch642]

You’re the best Susan Winter!! Thank you so much for the help!! This hot and cold game completely describes what I’m going through and you help me so much to understand what’s going on and realize I’m not alone with this issue. It completely turns around my emotional problem with this! Thank you again!

[@LazyDaisyDay88]

I think this is, hands down, the most powerful coaching video I've ever watched. It has helped me enormously - despite the grief I feel at the loss of the relationship, I know we would be in the same place in 3 years. I just know it. Thank you Susan. I'm just hoping a better future is out there.

[@michellezareas8276]

Wow, this is an eye opener. I don’t play this game because I don’t have time for it. That said, I never thought about this type of behavior in these terms. It is kind of sad. Great talk, as always!

[@SusanWinter]

Thanks Michelle.

[@virginiasmith7567]

Thank you so much for this new insight and it resonates with my heart

[@blankakasza7221]

Love your videos Susan, they are really helpful. Learned a lot from this one too. Thank you

[@trock8930]

Thank you! Detachment with love. Onward and upward!

[@musicjakemartin]

Susan! Thank you so much for putting this information out there and in such a way we can understand easier. Please continue helping others as you are doing now. Sending you positive vibes from Arizona ❤️

[@ghadag8128]

Absoulitly right, l had been in this game ,you give a clear , powerful explanation thank you my dear you are my guide.

[@tsiyontsiyona5089]

You just gave me a piece of mind, this was all I needed to hear Thank you Susan 💐

[@DearMegan]

Susan, thank you so much for your insights and words of encouragement! I am in a situation where it is hot and cold. I wanted to test the waters since its been years since I've spoken to this guy and I did feel like there was some unresolved feelings to figure out. I did make it very clear with him about what I wanted and where I stood with him, but I just feel like this guy is just not getting it. I was overthinking the situation and feeling like he has so much power over my feelings and whatever this situation is... But after hearing your insights, it did open my mind more about the situation. I really appreciate you for reminding me that I am the stronger one for not being afraid to say how I feel and being honest about what I want.

[@BrittAnarVlogs]

Your energy is so comforting and this information is so healthy and refreshing. Thank you

[@hushpuppies872]

Susan, this is eye opening. The way you put facts in place. It made me feel Powerful. Thanks so much.

[@lucyloo7457]

Please post this type video again. Best ever, in your work!’

[@rmsnyc2011]

Susan... THANK YOU!! I subscribed, and also I'm sending tremendous loving energy from my heart to yours.

[@SusanWinter]

Thanks for subscribing, RMS

[@reneeb5261]

So true!!!!! I was involved with someone who went ‘cold’...again. I’m done and this video solidified my choice. Thank you!

[@SusanWinter]

You are welcome Renée

[@bellebeauty67]

Love with courage and dignity!!! LOVE THIS!! Thank you Susan~~

[@SusanWinter]

You're welcome, Kathleen

[@mikeblust855]

Just started watching some of your videos. You are very well spoken, and thorough with what you are explaining. Thanks!

[@Stacy449]

@susanwinters thank you for this invaluable relationship wisdom. You made me realized that my vulnerability and authenticity make me the most powerful in any human dynamics. I would never amend my behavior from this point so i can repel those who are not up to my level. I love this video so much that i have put in on a loop before going to bed. Love you Ms Susan. I appreciate you more than you know.

[@michaelfazekas7027]

Just listened to your video, it was incredible insight on the topic. It is happening to me, but not anymore. Thank you..

[@elizabethd2942]

Thank you Susan. This brings clarity and I am so thankful.

[@lovingdiscernment4234]

Very insightful and powerful! Thank you so much for this clarity.

[@emanuel_soundtrack]

„ transparency is the greatest fear for those who hate themselves“ Susan Winter, dating philosopher

[@09mrLION]

Daaaaammmnnnn!! This was easy so eye opening !! Thank you ! Thank you

[@rotormeeeeeeee]

Those are hard but truthful words. Thank you for helping us understand the others and ourselves.

[@fikilemkhize1101]

I love your advise, simply easy to digest and practical. Awesome 👏🏾

[@moonbysa]

Dear Susan, you are blessing my mind and heart with healing & peace in this video that I am watching again today. 🙏💛 Bless your heart.

[@natalialin730]

Love this video. Some of this I already know and think about when I communicate and meet with a guy who plays hot and cold. He was so wonderful and I was into him until he texted and said to forget about him. So I stopped contacting him. 3 weeks later he contacted me again, lamenting that I didn't want him. I realised then it was a game. In the interim I had stopped caring so much and reflected a lot and now I see him with other eyes. My last boyfrien was a narcissist who has made me afraid of being hurt like that again. Now the hot and cold guy and I are again kind of seeing each other but we are playing each other in a way. I pretend like I'm into him but I know he's so afraid of rejection as you say so I am not that emotionally invested. Feels like we are two people who are afraid and lonely. Anyway, I really enjoyed the clear and succinct way you've presented this video.

[@luulips]

Oh I love this. I’m learning about myself so much lately. I’m getting so much more comfortable by feeling what I feel and being satisfied with it. Though there are times when I have to tell myself I’m not afraid. I’m confident, that I can handle this. I so much want to face all of my insecurities so that I can continue to grow. I’ve been in the habit of running when I feel pressure, when I need to say what I want and feel to a man I’m interested in. I’ve shut down and ran away but blamed them. Smh at my past self now. Time to stop running away.

[@SusanWinter]

Excellent realization. Yes, learning to speak your truth is what eliminates the need to run away. Happy for you, luulips

[@CAR_s000]

Go vç boo

[@Iris11music]

.... I almost cried to this. This is EXACTLY MY LIFE, right now. Thank you Susan. THANK YOU.

[@katjasaukkonen1874]

@Susan Winter I`ve seen MANY videos about this topic, but your approach is just perfect. And true. Thank you for sharing!

[@drearau]

I love your videos! I wish I had you as a friend, your advices and your insights are just wonderful and so articulate, thank you for doing this ♥️

[@jenorey6752]

Hello Susan! i came across your videos and I really appreciate all the tips you gave me! You are awesome and thank you!!

[@mamasitatita]

The best information I have heard ever when it comes to people and the games they play in relationships. Thank you 🙏🏼

[@jcsrst]

Brilliant! Very clear and concise! Helpful beyond words!

[@fatcatontario]

Absolutely best advice that I have encountered. Thank you so much for your channel.

[@oneoutoftheninety-nine.3314]

Thank you so much again and again! I am going through all kinds of spiritual awakening and emotional healings listening to your videos! Your words are like a gift from God because all kinds of light bulbs are going off in my head! Is it funny that I prayed about some kind of breakthrough for the millionth time and that same night I came across your videos! Wow!

[@mpgameroom]

Thank you so much Susan. I literally had survived this hot and cold mental torture from an individual from listening to your videos. every time I felt weak I would gain strength from listening to you before getting back out there again. Thank you.

[@amulyakhatter]

Thank you this is really helpful ❤

[@dominique4473]

Ugh… I so needed this!! Makes so much sense!!! Thank you!!

[@mattprodan8072]

Wow, the entirety of my last two year relationship just made sense. Thank you.

[@SusanWinter]

Excellent. Thanks for this Matt

[@marjorielingenfelter5331]

What a great video!!!

[@raquelZK]

You are great Susan! Thank you.

[@johnbehneman1546]

Thank you, Susan. That is my goal. To stand in front of my love. Living in my power. and say "I LOVE YOU". And having her standing in her own power and say "I LOVE YOU" back. As my life grows, I will need a dating coach to guide and direct. my life. This is a new area for me. and I am reaching out for your help. Thank you so much.

[@victoriajang]

Absolute best advice thank you Susan 😊

[@andor8635]

Susan thank you I learned a lot from your video's. You help a lot of us understand what's going on. Thank you thank you .

[@mukundtanishq6206]

thank you very much for guiding me, to the end of loop, didn't knew, how much i would have gone into it but you saved me in the beginning.

[@allakarpenko6005]

Love this!!!! So on point

[@siriasouza5264]

Such valuable knowledge. You describe in your videos exactly the experience I had. You're very accurate about their behavior and intentions

[@Adamjfvwjdv]

Realy great like all the videos. Its so treu everything

[@zakir0066]

Wow!! Thank you Susan you have explained in a way no one else has been able to. It means a lot. Thank you.

[@neshayrobinson]

Damn Susan! This hit the nail on the head!!!

[@barborabrychtova7444]

You are so great.. It made me cry.. So true. I needed to hear this today

[@hassanishaq4290]

Very powerful points thank you very much fo putting up this amazing tips

[@gmat7302]

Beautiful delivery and extremely wise lesson. I think I am experiencing this. Earlier she was very reciprocative but suddenly she has stopped responding. Don't know what to do.

[@laraking804]

Your best video so far. Thank u 😘

[@eddajustice8345]

Great advice thanks so much

[@Phoenix2019]

Thank you for this.