Leaving An Abusive Relationship ft. Brianna Chickenfry | Hot Mess with Alix Earle

[@St99748]

It’s crazy how Bri was saying if someone holds nice things they’ve done for you over your head, run for the hills, and that’s exactly what she has done to Grace

[@Lola-r4o]

What’s really crazy is episode is about someone telling their story about an abusive relationship and all you’re worried about is Grace. You really need to get off the Internet.🤦🏼‍♀️

[@St99748]

Just pointing out some hypocrisy ✌️😊

[@Sammy-v2s]

@@St99748 sorry but all you’re pointing out is you’re incredible lack of empathy

[@St99748]

Two things can be true. Bri can be a victim of abuse, which I of course have empathy for, and she can also be a terrible friend.

[@Sammy-v2s]

@ and the most logical answer here is Grace and Bre were just not friends to each other. There’s been a lot of people that have come out about Grace‘s behavior. Nobody’s willing to look at the most logical snswer which is they probably were just not both good friends to each other. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@lucyhall3539]

Just going to pop in here before the hate comments and say I'm proud of Bri and we just need to remind ourselves that these are just girls navigating their 20's. They aren't going to be perfect. xx Give them some grace.

[@emilyl0ve90]

I agree ❤

[@MariaMartinez-yl9mh]

Couldn’t agree more❤❤❤❤

[@whitykitty2651]

shouldnt be hate for her at all anyway, that would entirely be victim blaming. she also chose to speak about it rather than take hush money which is very admirable! love to see women leaving addicts/abusers. show young women you cant change someone or love someone into changing. anyone who choses to bring a partner along for their addict-lashouts is incredibly selfish.

[@michellebuck7921]

Funny you mention Grace 😅

[@ilovepussy420]

@@michellebuck7921LMAOOO

[@samanthasartain2077]

Going through an abusive relationship affects everything in your life. One of the things that hurt the most was when my only soft landing spots (family/friends) were no longer a place I could run to. Getting out is harder than it really seems until you’re in it. Navigating the aftermath is also difficult for everyone. Sending love during this, to everyone involved. Friendship may go through some hard times, but always prevails.

[@elliepotter2900]

When she said she didn’t miss him she missed herself, spot on after leaving an abusive relationship

[@savannahallen3082]

I was in a similar relationship for 5 years. Insanity. It’s like they all read the same book!! Thanks for sharing Bri. Stronger, happier, and more confident on the other side.

[@LoganAlexander-wn1oy]

What an incredible episode! I've never watched a Hot Mess podcast episode, but I have to give kuddos to Alix for just listening and giving Bri a safe space to talk. Bri hit the nail on the head saying she wasn't mourning losing their relationship, she was mourning losing herself. Having gone through an emotionally abusive relationship that also entailed physical cheating, she described it perfectly. You lose yourself and it's like getting hit by a train and going wait WTF just happened.

[@Thelaughinglibra]

THIS!!! This is literally my story !!!!🥺 was in a narcissistic abusive relationship for 8 years, finally broke free but it almost took me out for good a few times, dangerously toxic, we started dating in 2011 and I had NEVER even heard about abuse like this- thank you for sharing your story 💯🖤and my heart goes out to anyone who has gone/going through this, keep going xoxox

[@Sammy-v2s]

Hearing Bri talk about her relationship has been so healing for me! I left a physically abusive relationship around the time of her breakup and even though her experience of abuse was not physical, it’s crazy how many similarities there are still.

[@milanipatel4185]

Same ❤ ily

[@emmapalmer6202]

this is exactly how i feel. i didn’t even realize how abusive my recent experience has been until i heard explaining everything i was experiencing. of course there were a ton of parts i knew were wrong but how my ex would put it is its “normal”. it’s not and talking abt it at this scale helped me understand the emotional abuse aspect.

[@ndcINC]

just wanna say Alix I can tell you've grown so much since you first came online :) it's clear you're happy, healthy, and ur mans is taking good care of you. so happy for you

[@Sammyy445]

I’ve been out of my abusive relationship for six months today and I can relate to every single word Bri is saying. The people that get it, get it. And through Bri’s story, I found a bunch of women that get it, and it has been so healing.

[@derekgood6365]

Have you ever met a woman that admitted to being part of the relationship problem.. All women do is blame the man it's never the woman's fault..

[@Sammyy445]

@ yes, yes I have literally hundreds of them. What a stupid comment. I myself have been part of the problem in a relationship when I was younger. Men and women are both equally capable of being toxic people. 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@sgrace-222]

@@derekgood6365 byeeeee you’re literally not welcome here this is a girl’s only destination. the video is literally a safe space for women to get AWAY from men like you and speak their truth on their trauma w/o judgement/shame/hatred and just downright stupid comments like this so why are you here???

[@VR-on9wf]

I think it’s crazy to praise a woman who is so clearly toxic and horrible. There’s other ppl to look up to for this.

[@Sammyy445]

@ I think it’s crazy to act like we actually know these people when we do not. I also think it’s crazy to comment this to somebody who’s talking about getting out of an abusive relationship. When your dislike for Bri overrides your empathy for people talking about their abusive relationships, you may need to touch some grass.

[@taylordouglas9512]

Alix is getting so much better at interviews great job girl 🩷

[@KellOnWheels99]

She’s still not good.

[@juliaann4176]

I left my 7 year relationship after I heard bri speak. Thank you!!!!!!

[@haileygarland7859]

“i dont know how a real relationship is supposed to feel” is so real

[@BreannaResler]

Just out of a 4 year relationship with an abusive narcissist and I can't tell you how freeing it is to finally know I'm never going back.

[@kyliesloan6804]

Yeah what Bri & Grace are going through sucks, trust me I have my thoughts about it BUT Bri story from her abusive relationship is valid & she deserves to speak on it. Bri suffered and she can help people who are going through similar stuff by talking about this. Normalize talking about abusive relationship is how we stop the cycle of abuse people!!!

[@sarahlijewski]

So proud of you both for getting out of these situations early, before kids came. Once that happens not only does it get worse, but it happens to your kids too and NOTHING prepares you for that heartache.

[@imlauracatherine]

Thank you for speaking up for the vulnerable Bri and Alix. I could've used a voice like yours years ago. Sending love and healing, always.

[@TaylorA.26]

This conversation is so important. I wish younger me could have seen this. Thank you Alix & Bri. ❤

[@SiennaNotMiller]

This story is so important for young women to hear, to look out for the signs of narcissistic abuse. It took me a long time to have the courage to leave my 7 year relationship that I knew I was being mistreated in, and every day since I am so grateful I did and only wish I left earlier.

[@Stella13810]

This was such an amazing episode. I think you’re best yet. You were so calm, relatable and understanding of everything Bri shared with you. I can relate to so much that was talked about and I applaud you both for being so honest and vulnerable 🫶🏼

[@morganb4880]

the therapy with the "wires" is EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) it can be buzzer (you hold two buzzers in each hand), light, hand movements, etc, to stimulate the bilateral movement of your eyes to basically "turn on" both sides of your brain. it isn't actually rewiring your brain BY the wires, but helps you recall a distressing memory while simultaneously moving your eyes in a specific way. The technique is based on the idea that emotional distress can be processed while sleeping during REM sleep. there are different speeds in which your brain will file different instances and feelings. there is alot more to it but it essentially helps you "rewire" your trauma in a calm safe space and learn coping skills. it also helps you push toward not feeling "like a burden" or "i see myself as a failure" or "i see myself as X and i hate looking at myself"

[@ogglitterqueen]

ya except it doesn’t have to be eye movements or buttons a therapist can do it if you close ur eyes and they tap ur hands. that’s how i did it it helped

[@Zucch23]

I genuinely can’t imagine going through a breakup and already feeling like I lost everything to then having so many people judging me and attacking me. It’s actually insane. I really hope everyone chills tf out. Like go watch something you enjoy then? Damn

[@emilyl0ve90]

No like seriously I couldnt do that.she is so strong

[@cassandrarose7285]

You put words to things I've been trying to express for years. thank you so much for giving this a voice, it's truly insane how many women don't make it out and this is the kind of support survivors need 💜

[@user-km6hu6xn7g]

the therapy modality she was trying to remember is called EMDR and it changed my life

[@bellalukens2816]

i think this might be different… i can’t remember what it’s called but i did it a few years ago they put like a hat type thing with shock wires basically on ur head and it’s supposed to literally forge new pathways in your brain. it’s not supposed to hurt tho and it hurt super bad for me and actually made me feel much worse but i was deep in my drug addiction at the time and can’t remember much of the details but they like literally shock ur brain to forge new pathways if talk therapy and meds haven’t worked.

[@glitz66]

Great interview, proud of her for telling her story. So many people struggle with this same situation, but not in the public eye. Can’t imagine how much stress that has to add to everything. Glad to see she is coming out on the other side!

[@heatherdammerman1495]

So happy you aired this. Bri is getting killed out there and she deserves love and kindness. She truly is a beautiful human and you two lift each other up and cheer for each others success I love to see this as an older Woman who loves seeing girls support girls!! Thanks for sharing…both of You!! Don’t listen to the hate. Please.

[@erikadestiny]

Why didn’t yall talk about Bri saying you copied her merch??

[@Sammy-v2s]

@@erikadestiny they have talked about it. Bri said she didn’t care

[@emilymcnally308]

Or they put the BS aside due to what is really going on.

[@d.nicole23]

Cause it’s completely irrelevant and minuscule??

[@twizms2]

Cause Bri never cared

[@gaming_withboo]

reminder that these people are actual human beings!!! yall DO NOT know them in real life!

[@fifs7400]

we know what she has verbatim said and thats enough.

[@JustineC233]

@@fifs7400 you know most people that don’t like someone just don’t watch. Instead of leaving replies to every single comment. your comments are saying a lot more about you than Bri😂😂

[@kaseymcnutt7907]

Being in a trying to escape from a narcissistic relationship is the worst hell to be in ! God is working through her to help other women ! Thank you both for this

[@shanialenaspeaks]

This video is so important and so many people need to hear this. It's crazy because emotional abuse can really range in variation. There are narcissistic people who come with other issues like anger issues, personality illnesses, or a lying problem. Its also important to remember that each person is different so how they emotionally abuse you is unique. I think another thing to notice in these toxic relationships is whether or not you get any sort of gut feeling, thought, or doubt about what they're saying, to not ignore that and keep it in the back of your mind!! Sometimes your body knows before you mind does. If it seems too good to be true, second guess it!!! The way I could continue this conversation for another 3 hrs omgggg!!! I don't know if this is common in toxic relationships too but my body was not in any way attracted to him, I knew, deeply knew I was only attracted to his mind because he painted the picture that it was meant to be, he was meant to be there, that there are so many coincidences that there was no way otherwise. Then there was this sort of praising that there wasn't ever going to be a better match than the two of you. There was also this hot and cold. He made me his emotional support so I felt too bad to ever leave him alone... as if it was normal for him to need me this much. Whole time he was lying out his a$$$$$$. Nothing he ever told me about himself was true. Once I realized and put all the pieces together, its like he made his personality a direct match and would make anything up/ "be" anything that would make him "align" himself to be the perfect person for me. Yet there was this absolutely abnormal behavior from him that he somehow dismissed and would make me somehow forgot its insanity. Most conversations were abnormally deep , like he literally got into my psyche and changed my perception of him. When I took a step back and would be up late thinking about it by myself, it would be as if i was catching glimpses of my actual self and snapping back into reality but then he would fxck with my emotions again. Anytime he felt me pulling away and acting on what I was true feeling inside about the situation, he would find a way to reel me back in emotionally.

[@nachobidness]

this has brought up so many deeply buried traumas. It’s insane how all narcissists are the EXACT same, have the same tactics and like goals lol. I related to literally everything you guys talked about. My ex had complete control over my life and he knew it, I lost every single one of my friends and didn’t talk to family bc i didn’t want them to know i was still sneaking around with him😐 i wasn’t really sad when we broke up, more so numb, just a sole in a body, living but not alive. and i was terrified of him! I’ve been w my bf now for over a year and the difference is night and day!!! maybe we just need to experience the bad ones to know the good? 🙂

[@bridgettobin5171]

Yes if you have a friend going through this just be there for them and remind them you love and will love them either way. I had 3 friends I told who let stay at their houses, I told no one the last month I was with him that I still was seeing him, I lied to them at times but mostly they just didn't press me or criticize, but I was working to get away from him. They saved me by non-judgementally letting me stay on their couches. Just a night away started to heal me bit by bit. One let me stay with her a month and she was a 60 year old woman I was friends with who had been part of the feminist movement and she was shocked "someone like me" would be going through this. But she still supported me and was gentle enough that I could trust her to stay with while I slowly came to a decision and inched toward making arrangements to get away.

[@brookecardwell6504]

You don’t need to defend yourself but can’t be friends with grace cuz she didn’t do it enough for you? Crazy…

[@Michelle-n3z8m]

Thank you for this episode. I can’t tell you how much I needed it. I’m still trying to find the strength to leave, but it’s so hard. And honestly a lot of the comments I just read are not helping this is why women don’t tell their story and I hope all these people diminishing abuse. Never experience it. I wouldn’t wish it all my worst enemy 😢

[@SiennaNotMiller]

Please take it from someone who has been in your shoes and walked away, you will be so happy and proud of yourself that you did. Staying longer will not make it any easier - it’s a really really hard thing to do but you will look back like I am now, 3 years after leaving a 7 year abusive relationship, now in a new relationship with the most amazing person and love of my life that I knew I deserved. Please do it for your future self ❤️

[@ryanwilliams4120]

I love that my two podcast worlds are colliding next we need TANAAAAAAA

[@nisasavenue4419]

Literally BRIANNA IS TAKING AWAY GRACES ENERGY WHY WOULD ANYONE STAY DOR THAT LONG BASED ON ALL THIS

[@visualize25]

Bri is a hypocrite. All these things she says she experienced with Zach is essentially what she is doing to Grace

[@oliviaazulay4278]

I hope bri maybe sees this! My heart goes out to you and everything you have been through this year. And now after getting out of the relationship not having ur best friend. Stay strong and stay above all the nonsense online.

[@Lola-r4o]

These comments are hilarious. I’ve never seen so many people so bothered by someone they don’t know.😂 parasocial relationships are wild. If you don’t like someone don’t watch. But by these comments it’s pretty obvious Bri’s haters are her #1 fans cause here you all are commenting and watching and supporting her 😂

[@CloFoShow]

100%

[@rav3335]

This comment defending bri is kinda giving.... dare I say...parasocial 😂

[@Lola-r4o]

@ weird cause I didn’t defend her once, just simply stated, don’t watch something if you don’t like it. Seems quite logical really.

[@Sammy-v2s]

@@rav3335 what comment did you read? There was no defending of Bri in this comment…

[@destaneygibson6596]

She admits to changing so much bc of this relationship. Then on bffs says she doesn’t want to continue plan bri bc it’s a forum for her to be bullied. All anyone is saying is how much you changed. You admitted it yourself

[@LoneWolf-cf9zm]

paying your team OT to scrub these comments 😂😂😂😂

[@dillonalexander2857]

Team grace

[@thaliap3125]

Wait towards the end Bri said that he was cheating on her thee whole time but that was the most “normal” part but then says that the girls should’ve told her that he was hitting them up bc she would’ve left?? That doesn’t make sense to me.

[@davidcapparelli843]

shes dumb...hope that helps

[@deadshot8330]

Girl was told and responded extremely rude she would still be with him if he hadn’t dumped her. Watch this and then go relisten to her tell all on bffs or her trash talking about Grace last night she contradicts herself so much no way half the stuff she says is true

[@yayayayaya362]

Yeah because she needs to blame everyone but herself. Her own friends didn’t like ZB but she stayed.

[@fifs7400]

ppl would literally tell her and she would say''touch grass,you guys are freaks'.

[@sandrad9042]

Lies

[@MmmmEcho]

Why does she always say “you” like “you really didn’t have a choice” there has to be a reason, that a psychologist could point to. When I tell traumatic stories, I always say “I” I would rarely ever see “you”

[@Lulara-14]

I’m not sure if it’s the same for her, but personally I noticed myself doing this when I was pretty fresh out of the horrible relationship. Perhaps it’s some subconscious detachment, I imagine without that she would be in tears (it’s very fresh really)

[@vpags221]

Just want to ask every internet loser bully if this was a family member that endured narcissistic abuse and most likely other forms of abuse would you be posting and publicly humiliating your sister/cousin/aunt etc? Would you feel entitled to have any type of say of how they should’ve handled it or that they’re a horrible person for the decisions they made at such a dark point in their life? Also keeping in mind that she is still in her early 20s still becoming a grown adult and developing her frontal lobe all while her brain chemistry was literally altered by this abuse .. But why do you losers feel so entitled and superior to shit on these people for HUMAN experiences.. let’s take a microscope into your life & then see how much you have left to say. Thank u for coming to my ted talk Also I loveee grace so much and their friendship and personal business doesn’t change how I feel about either of them we’ve all been shitty friends and forgiven friends for being shitty at some point the brain rot community needs more humanity in their hearts

[@gkno55555]

THIS!!

[@cosettefarias8302]

vpags…love seeing bri’s family defend her in the comments lol

[@vpags221]

@ lmao ur hilarious touch grass were not related never met once just actually have a heart?

[@mgutierrez6002]

@@cosettefarias8302the funny thing is people like you say this yet if one of her family members hit you in your empty head you wouldn’t know who they are. But somehow you know what they’d comment. Congrats! The parasocial weirdo award goes to you!

[@derekgood6365]

Have you ever met a woman who admits to being part of the problem. No all they do is blame the man and never take accountability for their part

[@amydear2828]

I wish I had a Bri when I was in the thick of it… You truly are speaking 100% facts with no exaggeration. Thankfully I’m on the other side and got out of my marriage and am extremely happy now that it’s been years later but emotional abuse is legit no joke and I’m so happy that this is here for people who are still in that dark situation to have someone there that they can relate to and not feel as alone. Thank you Bri ♥️

[@christeltoma4708]

“You’re their shield of protection when they would do nothing to protect you”💔

[@Booksandgeese]

Bri is literally the same person as ZB! How is this hard to see, guys?

[@Meaniacbio]

I hate how she just diagnosed him a narcissist, and states it as fact. I question how out of touch with reality her point of view really is.

[@CaleighF.S]

This was like hearing my own story. Bri girl, heal LOUD AF, for the you that suffered in silence.

[@Whyde120]

Imagine going on here and saying Zach kept tabs of all the good things he did for me and then going on BFFS and telling us all the things you did for Grace? Are you actually that out of touch?

[@JustineC233]

@@Whyde120 yeah but she didn’t hold those things over Grace‘s head. She did it because she genuinely wanted to help her which she did.

[@breannacrotty]

It’s so sad how people are quick to judge and make assumptions. No one here leaving hate comments personally knows bri or anyone else involved. Leave your opinions to yourself and be supportive of someone who just went through an abusive relationship. Been there, and it’s indescribable.

[@Lilly-k1k6s]

All the people Bri talked mess about are now people she is obsessed with. So weird.

[@keribeldekas5838]

So apparently you’ve never had a toxic man in your life. She was doing those things cause that’s what he did…..

[@Lilly-k1k6s]

@ So actually I have had a toxic man in my life.

[@keribeldekas5838]

@@Lilly-k1k6s well then I’m a guess you’re lucky that he doesn’t manipulate you like obviously, he manipulated her…. It happens sometimes especially when you’re young.

[@hanyakizemchuk6663]

Such a great conversation. Having lived with a narcissist for ten years.

[@biancabarnes411]

didnt brianna accuse alix of stealing her merch designs lol

[@twizms2]

Nope.

[@CarrieStevens-tf8gz]

Yeah she did lol Bri made a TikTok about it

[@twizms2]

@CarrieStevens-tf8gz she pointed out bri had the same idea before alix. She didn't say she stole them and she didn't alix was using them

[@biancabarnes411]

@@twizms2 the link keeps getting deleted and bri deleted her video but she absolutely called Alix out for taking her “designs” even tho she was not the first to do it either lol.

[@twizms2]

@ there’s a difference between saying someone stole something and saying you had the idea first. Bri never cared anyway

[@lacitibbs]

Thanks for talking about this. It's so interesting how narcissists are all the same. I don't understand. I'm happily married now to an amazing man, but I left a relationship just like this 4 years ago and this really hit home, and I remember going through all these things too. I sure wish i had this when I met him, i hope this helps many women know what to look for and they dont end up in a relationship like this!

[@deadshot8330]

Let’s talk about how Zach ruined everything for her but then she turns around dropping two podcasts one ripping Grace apart on the first night of graces comedy tour…….sold out I may add

[@ashleyj3733]

“Ripping Grace apart” is crazyyyy. That was not ripping her apart, that was her explaining what’s going on in their friendship

[@fifs7400]

@@ashleyj3733 calling her evil and disgusting and horrible and mean is quite ''ripping her apart''

[@Michelle-n3z8m]

She did not rip Grace apart. Grace was also invited to come on the pot so they could work it out. Everyone has been harassing Bre in the comments to talk about it so she told her side of the story but barely even got into it.

[@Sammyy445]

So let me get this straight. This is a podcast about someone talking about an abusive relationship and this is what you’re worried about 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

[@Anonymously.1411]

I feel like she needs inpatient care. She needs a lot of growing up to do to be able to heal and forgive.

[@alisivart]

Bri needs to delete all of her and ZB photos on her accounts. And maybe take actual time to heal. Because this break-up tour she’s been doing is very damaging. I get it can be humiliating to be broken up with and cheated on. But what she’s doing seems to be toxic to herself. She needs extensive counselling, not podcasts. Podcasts AFTER she heals.

[@cccswimmer5681]

Not Bri saying she’s milking it after saying Jeff was milking it

[@jamie.nelson98]

first of all the mic in the beginning is so funny and second!!!! if everyone filmed their entire early 20s and all of the things that they go through breakups, friendship breakups, etc. It would look extremely similar!!! this stuff happens with friendships y'all just don't have to air it out publicly. the internet will always be a hateful place and that sucks but hopefully positivity can shine through as well.

[@constancephillips2580]

This episode is everything 🤌

[@tarazanni9370]

Guys, I agree Bri didn’t speak on everhthing perfectly on BFF’s. I don’t think her point came across well because she was speaking from a place of such emotion. I honestly don’t think either of them were in the right. Grace should have known what that post was going to do. And yes, she doesn’t owe Bri anything if she’s been treated poorly, but that’s still a childhood best friend you were in business with, and if she was so upset about nothing being said she should have personally called bri and vocalized that, but she didn’t. Should bri have dragged her so bad last night? No, but she’s hurt by someone she truly thought was her ride or die. Saying that, I ALSO think bri doesn’t fully understand how hard it is for a best friend to see her friend go through that and treat her poorly. There is fault on both sides. Bri went through something horribly traumatic, Grace witnessed that, and she still chose to make that post. They are 25. This is REAL LIFE SHIT. Please give them some grace through this.

[@abigailh7715]

Something horribly tra.umatic? Lol bfr

[@tarazanni9370]

@ is an abusive relationships not a horribly traumatic thing??

[@Passoe-s4d]

But wasn’t Grace hurt by someone she thought was her ride or die too? The logic that Bri can post online because of those emotions but if Grace can feel the same betrayal it’s not ok to post about it

[@tarazanni9370]

@ I never said she wasnt! They were both very hurt and expected more out of each other. I understand Grace’s frustration and wanting to speak out but Bri was purposefully not bringing her and Grace’s problems to the Internet and Grace purposefully did. Bri wanted to keep things behind the scenes and between them because this was just co workers having a falling out, it was more than that. Like i said, they’re both at fault.

[@CC-ku2hz]

@@tarazanni9370there are screenshots of Bri dming fans calling Grace evil and manipulative… Bri didn’t leave it off the internet.

[@itzella3098]

loved this episode! could listen to y'all talk about this forever

[@reginafields2303]

No one loves bri more than bri.

[@jadepolhamus7335]

Narcissistic personality disorder is such a problem and being in a relationship with one is horrible. I spent 8 years in a relationship that took such a toll on me. I remember the feeling of missing me.

[@Itsahuman-idk]

Alix is getting way better at these interviews. Happy birthday btw❤🎁🎊🎂🎈🎉

[@messigrohl3749]

Being in an abusive relationship doesn't give you the right to abuse other people. As much as Zach shouldn't have treated Bri the way he did, Bri shouldn't have treated Grace the way she did. Bri's a fully grown adult trying to avoid accountability. Grace DOES NOT have to forgive her, the same way Bri DOES NOT have to forgive Zach.

[@jessicagordon4890]

No one speaks on how emotionally difficult it is to be that "supportive friend ". They take on a trauma/emotional/mental toll as well in a different way. We are watching our friend deteriorating infront of us. Having to becareful what you say to not build up that wall Bri was talking about but at the same time not saying what they want you to say to help them find an excuse to stay, recieving multiple texts, phone calls, and voicemails that is heartbreaking, watching your friend be aware of a bad situation but keep choosing to go back, watching them turn into someone they aren't....There are a lot of emotional complexities involved on both sides of this. I just want to touch on that supportive friends take on a lot of emotional and mental weight that effect their mental health too. Also to know it's okay to back away from a friendship when it becomes too much. ❤

[@Aml2515]

I’m confused..why is she acting like she left… he broke up w her, then she immediately made a video crying on her bathroom floor saying she was blindsided and planned to get married/have kids….

[@fifs7400]

lmao fr and then saying ''i would have left'' no she wouldn’t have .... he was horrible to her friend and she didn’t leave

[@haythe-u3m]

no, the video of her saying she was blindsided was because they had agreed to not post anything publicly for awhile so that they could both heal in private.

[@AC-hg2qv]

On HIS *** bathroom floor LMAO

[@Rachel-wg9tv]

And i understand bc it’s knowing youd neverrrrr leave if he didn’t but she should make that a bigger point ab feeling trapped but being left she wish she was the one who did it bc she knew it was right n convince others in that spot

[@VR-on9wf]

@@haythe-u3mI think they’re saying she’s acting like she left and saw the light but realistically she wanted him still up until he literally fled her and texted her from a different state to pack her bags.

[@AnastasiaBeaverhousen]

Bri chose to be in an abusive relationship for clout. That’s the truth. She thinks she better than everyone and when ppl don’t treat her like she’s some goddess she’s the victim. It’s actually quite sad. She’s never going to grow as a person if she keeps up the level of denial she’s living in.

[@itraveltheopenroad246]

"The people that were so mean to me online were mean to me because of my relationship.. and I just wanted someone be like we need to save this girl, she's clearly in a really bad place with a really bad person." I'm confused how Brianna can admit that the worst of her online criticism was due to her abusive relationship, and say she wished someone would call it out... but then say that Grace should have defended her against online criticism when Grace knew very well it was all true and it was because Brianna was in an abusive situation? Brianna said everyone criticizing her relationship were toxic haters who needed to touch grass, but now she wishes someone had called him out, but she ALSO thinks Grace should have helped her cover for her abusive relationship? It's irrational. I believe Brianna about her abuse, but it's sad to see how little accountability she is taking for the terrible position she put her best friend in. I could never, ever publicly defend my friend's abusive relationship (and the actions she was taking because of it, like never showing up in person for the pod, following him all over the US, etc.). Brianna needs to understand that what she went through was terrible AND she also put Grace through it.

[@kthehumanperson]

This is so well put.

[@itraveltheopenroad246]

@@kthehumanperson I didn't know who Brianna was until two ish months ago so I feel like I have an objective perspective of not being a fan or a hater and I'm glad my initial comment came off balanced. I don't fw anyone who doesn't believe she was abused, because the pattern rings true with this dude, but, to me this is just SO clear that I'm not seeing how she can't see it and take some accountability for how she put Grace (and others) in an unwinnable situation trying to rope them into helping her present her happy loved up relationship cover story. She might have a justification for how she treated people when she was in an abusive relationship, but at some point she really has to take accountability that her actions did have negative consequences on those around her and they had to protect their own mental health, too. Brianna was telling people online to 'su-- her literal c---' for criticizing her relationship fully halfway into her relationship with him. She also publicly shamed and dragged a girl who contracted an STI from him and the whole BFFs pod destroyed this girl online even though even Brianna admitted it was true at the time :/ I'm super uncomfortable with how Brianna is not taking ownership for just how aggressively and cruelly she was defending her relationship and really dragging other people down to cover for him. Those actions, even when done as a result of abuse, have real, negative consequences. Part of healing from an abusive relationship is the painful work of admitting that you might have irrevocably alienated people who loved you and done terrible things as a ripple effect.

[@Sarah_ndipity7]

@@itraveltheopenroad246been there, and yes it took me a while to get there but so much yes

[@eightbriitt2362]

⁠@@itraveltheopenroad246a token sign of an abusive relationship is alienation. This was building for a long time. I have been on both sides, the friend trying to weather my lifelong best friend’s abusive relationship and the one in the abusive relationship. I didnt understand when my friend was in one, and when I was in one - I tried so hard to make my friend comfortable but in the end everything fell apart. Deep friendships can be messier and more heartbreaking than relationships. Space and time to reflect will allow both ladies to come back to each other eventually.

[@itraveltheopenroad246]

@@eightbriitt2362 I agree with you that a token sign of an abusive relationship is alienation. That's why it's hard that Brianna seems so well versed in all the ways this relationship harmed her but doesn't seem to have empathy that her relationship, and her actions, sadly harmed others, too. I hope her therapist is helping her see that she was a victim of abuse AND her actions hurt and harmed others in her life as she covered for him. That's one of the hardest things about exiting an abusive relationship - realizing that you, also, hurt others. When she was describing Zach screaming at her friends, she was sure to emphasize how awful and traumatizing it was for her (understandably!). Yet on her own podcast, BFFS, she said 'but after that happened they were never together so it was fine'. She adamantly MINIMIZED how traumatizing that exact same event was for Grace to experience. It's not 'fine' that your best friend's abusive partner went nuts and screamed at you and you know she's still with that person and you can't do anything to help her. It's an awful situation for everyone and it's unfortunate that Brianna isn't in a space where she can spare some empathy that this was also traumatizing for Grace.

[@jocelynwilson7550]

First and foremost I love you both. This was such a good pod. Something Bri said stuck out… being in a three and a half year relationship with a boy who wasn’t so nice.. I was “waiting for the good”.. waiting for the good guy he had shown me a FEW times early on. I SHOULD HAVE RAN FOR THE HILLS 🫶🏻

[@maria-giuliasava5098]

thank you for this episode

[@whitykitty2651]

love your pod so much alix! :)

[@blx0249]

I didn’t like her till this episode. This is my life right now but 20 years in with 2 kids and not enough money for a good lawyer to show how my husband was like him. I have no idea how I’m gonna get through this but I got some hope.

[@jazztazz770]

I was in a narcissistic relationship years ago and this is NOT how it is. I think Bri is actually the narcissist. It sounds like Zach has codependency issues and really wants a family and was trying with Bri. Bri lacks self reflection. He didn’t like who she was and didn’t like her friends so he tried to change her. She also didn’t like who HE was and wanted to change him. In the end y’all shouldn’t have been together AT ALL, but we’re probably bonded through seggs and whatnot. What Bri doesn’t understand is that she’s just not the type of woman a man should marry. Her whole lifestyle is trashy and all she does is gossip. Zach wanted to change that. Bri wanted to change Zach into liking her for who she is. Just move on.

[@sandrad9042]

I agree I've been in an awful narcissistic relationship and she's full of shit. I think they were both toxic in their own ways. She was with him barely a year has changed her accounts of stories. Most women can't talk about what they've been thru and she goes on a tell all tour 2 weeks post. I think she's a very toxic person which shows with what she did to grace. But how sad if your in her life she will air everything out. She has always been a bully.

[@jazztazz770]

@ I don’t understand why she won’t just move on. He’s going on with his life. Why won’t she?

[@keribeldekas5838]

@@jazztazz770ah, because she’s making money….

[@ashleyevans101xox]

i love them both so much but i really love how alix listened actively and really heard bri & let her speak 💕

[@DollarBinJunkie]

Brianna said the word “Like” 747 times

[@VanjeAv]

I love this conversation, I hope you reach more young women!

[@kirstymckenzie1253]

I don’t understand the hate for Bri. I followed her before ZB and you could tell he was controlling by her demeanour the whole time she was with him. The last few eps of Plan Bri got so blown out of proportion.

[@fifs7400]

did he put a gun to her head and tell her to victim blame grace,make fun of the menendez brothers,cheat on all her bfs ,say''fuck you taylor swift all your music sounds the fucking same'' then proceed to act like the biggest fan?

[@fifs7400]

oh so the cheating with every bf was normal to you?

[@JustineC233]

Because people love to hate prople unfortunately. I think it says a lot that these people are here and commenting instead of just not watching something they don’t like. These people thrive of hating someone they don’t know and it’s embarrassing and sad.

[@twizms2]

They build you up so they can tear you down. They also infantilize grace.

[@LindsnDarth]

The “infantilizing Grace” comment is as good a comment as I’ve seen on KZbin lately.

[@rickelspickles]

I hate that this type of guy is a share experience for girls but I’m glad that we all have a safe space here!

[@stephanie9226]

Thankyou so much bri & Alix! You guys are helping a lot of other people dealing with these issues!!! 💕💕💕💕💕💕

[@ctortorf1713]

Bri out here describing narcissistic tendencies as if it’s not her exact behavior 😂

[@trinitydunn1229]

victim blaming

[@JustineC233]

I couldn’t imagine victim blaming someone and laughing about it. Bizarre behaviour

[@EJM45332]

And yet you’re still here watching her every move. You must be a big fan.

[@Lola-r4o]

If you actually knew anything about psychology, you would know this is actually completely incorrect, but go off with your completely uneducated responses and enlighten us

[@IHIH4226]

Two things can be true and no one deserves to be treated this way

[@halleeexox]

I like the example you used in the beginning about him saying “YOU made me sad so I had to like those photos to feel better.” At face value this just sort of sounds like an icky thing to say and do, but it’s indicative of a bigger issue. Narcissists will ALWAYS find a way to justify and excuse their hurtful actions by blaming you in some way. Even the most trivial things.

[@mckellhubble6502]

Zach is proving who he is, so is bri. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@jennieherbertson3677]

Two sides of the same coin.

[@Sammyy445]

Crazy you think silence means innocence. I’d say $12 million to keep quiet says otherwise. But, I could tell that you’re probably just a ZB fan with hurt feelings that had to come to this comment section to diminish the abuse of women, to make yourself feel better

[@mckellhubble6502]

Never said Zach is showing he’s innocent

[@mckellhubble6502]

@@Sammyy445 I never said that Zach is showing he is innocent.

[@ArmDayVibes]

Wait, a person not coming to your door and picking you up for date is “abusive” in your mind..? This is why tik tok needs to be banned. Makes everyone feel like they’re being abused whenever someone doesn’t obsess over them

[@kdrelinger]

The comments of no one else would be able survive what she went thru is so extremely narcissistic. Abuse happens so often every day and a lot of people survive it and the people who don’t are usually shmurdered by their partners. Such a big ego to make multiple comments of how much stronger she I than everyone in the world. She absolutely is strong for surviving this. But doesn’t make her stronger or better than someone else who could be going through the same

[@Iivmaeve]

Honey he is not a rockstar. C list country singer at BEST

[@Kaycavbaby]

Weren’t you guys at the same tripin’ with tart event? or am I making that up? Lol I swear I saw it on Tana’s vlog lol

[@JustineC233]

Loved this episode. The people who have been in a similar situation get it. The rest just victim blame apparently.

[@francesmyrick1828]

Okayyy but she didnt “leave” the relationship because it was abusive. She got dumped and shared to get back at him.

[@rebeckathorsen1631]

i need to know where alex’s sweatshirt is from, it looks so comfy

[@Casey.2003]

sameeee

[@KellyHazard]

ALIX! You should interview Morgan Bailey! You guys would have so much fun! 💖💪

[@AriaFox-n6q]

Shame is the biggest emotion a person can feel. That’s why it’s so difficult for victims to talk about it.

[@Selenerrr-e3k]

Loved this episode & love Bri 💞🫶🏻

[@sarahmorley1031]

Im embarrassed to say although I follow you on TikTok Alex, this is my first Hot Mess episode because I love Bri and am supporting her so hard. But I loved it and I’ll be watching all the previous episodes

[@rose52148]

Love ya ladies great ep 💖

[@Yourgirl_jazz]

EMDR and EMI therapy is amazing!!! Everyone needs it